Remus
I’M GOING TO KILL HIM, LILY. I’ve spent twenty four hours with him and I’m going to kill him.
During our lunch with Molly he kept throwing grapes at me when she wasn’t looking, and she just kept going on about cleaning up messes and what food to cut up and what to keep whole and how much the babies should be talking and how to keep the twins entertained.
I could do it by myself. I’d LOVE to do it by myself. I’d just give everyone a book and we’d read all day and that would be that. But I know Sirius wants to take them on field trips and form a Quidditch team and do a million other nonsensical things.
I am so close to going to Dumbledore and saying I’m done.
ANSWER ME AT ONCE.
That was pretty much the gist of the patronus Remus sent to Lily that night. He sent it off in a fit of rage, then paced the length of his flat fifty thousand times over until she responded.
The doe appeared in the center of the room in a brilliant flash of light.
“Hi, Remus!” The doe pawed at the ground as Lily’s voice filled the room. “I’m going to be honest, I’m kind of in the middle of something. But I hate it when people don’t respond to me so I tried to get back to you as quickly as possible.”
There was a faint sound of an explosion in the background.
“Sorry! Okay… I think you two are going to be a great team. You have to be positive. There are all different types of children. I’m sure some of them would love to read with you, but that’s not for everyone. Harry, for example. He’d hate sitting around all day. Christ! Emmeline, can you run after Bellatrix for me? Remus, it will be good to have two different personalities working together.”
Remus opened his mouth to retort, until he remembered that the doe wasn’t actually Lily and wouldn’t respond.
More explosions drowned out her voice, and she yelled, “It will be great! Everyone gets a little nervous around kids for the first time but once you find a routine it gets so much easier. Just get a good night’s sleep and don’t worry—Dorcas! Dorcas! What are you doing? Okay, Remus, I have to go. What are you talking about there’s only one healer‒”
The doe dissolved into white mist and Remus was alone.
***
The first day of The Better Marauders’ Children’s Society (Remus refused to add the Auror Training Center part) was sweltering hot.
The humidity clung to his hair and his clothes as he fumbled for the Potters’ spare key and unlocked the front door.
Inside wasn’t much better. James kept the windows closed to make sure no animals got in, and the house trapped the muggy heat inside like a sauna.
With a sigh, Remus set down the key and his books, pushing the closest windows open to let in the hot morning air.
The door opened and slammed with a bang. There was an immediate wince of pain.
Remus unlocked the kitchen window and glanced behind him.
Sirius’ hand hung loosely on the doorknob, and his forehead was pressed against the door. His sunglasses were firmly placed on his nose.
“Sirius!” Remus barked. “Tell me you’re sober!”
Sirius winced again, not moving from his prayer vigil by the door. “Sweetheart, please lower your voice.”
“Tell me you’re sober.”
“Why wouldn’t I be sober?”
“Well, are you?”
“Not entirely.” Sirius placed his jacket on top of Remus’ books.
“Why would you—”
Sirius held up a hand. “James is very charismatic. Don’t blame me. Blame Prongs.”
“I will once he gets here with Harry,” Remus said through gritted teeth.
“Oh, yeah? You think James will be back here anytime soon after his emotional breakdown the other day?” Sirius challenged. His voice rose, causing him to catch himself and revert back to a whisper. “Lily’s dropping Harry off.”
“This isn’t a competition. I don’t care which Potter shows up, as long as you deal with their kid.”
A crack sounded from the lawn and Sirius nodded. “That’ll be Lily.”
It wasn't Lily.
Emmeline Vance stood on the front stoop with her daughter, Artemisia.
Remus forced a smile, trying to ignore the knot of nerves in his stomach. This was worse than the first day of school and every night before the full moon combined. He wiped his hands on his pockets. “Hi, Artemisia!”
The little girl narrowed her eyes. “Do not call me that. My name is Missy. I do not answer to Artemisia because I am only 17% Italian and I don’t like the painter Artemisia even though my mum does.”
Behind her daughter, Emmeline pursed her lips to hide a smile. “I’m sorry, Remus. I should’ve mentioned that sometimes she likes to go by Missy.”
“Nice going, Moony,” Sirius snickered from behind him.
Remus whirled around. “Can you shut the fuck up for one minute—”
“Did you just say the F word?”
Remus steeled himself for immediate job loss as the Weasleys chose the absolute worst time to appear on the front stoop.
Percy tugged on his mother’s sleeve. “Mum, I think Moony just said the F word.”
Molly shook him off. “It’s fine, Percy. Adults are allowed to say that, just not children.”
“What word?” Lily, with Harry in her arms, stepped around the Weasleys.
“Moony said fuck,” George grinned, thumb in his mouth.
Molly gasped. “George! I just said three year olds aren’t allowed to say that!”
Lily handed Harry to Sirius, raising her eyebrows at Remus. “Nice going.”
Remus reached out and grabbed her arm, ignoring the way that she seemed to be having a silent conversation with Sirius over his shoulder. “Will you stay?” he whispered urgently. “Just for an hour or two? Please.”
Lily pried his fingers from her sleeve. “I’m sorry, I have to go meet with Mad-Eye. It’s going to be fine. You have Sirius to help you!”
They both looked over to where Sirius stood, one hand cupped gently around Harry’s head. “Stick with me, Harold,” he said in a voice just loud enough for Remus to hear. “I’m afraid of everyone else.”
Lily brought Remus’ hand up to her lips and gave his knuckles a quick kiss. “I have to go. Remus, look at me. It’s going to be fine.”
Molly and Emmeline offered hurried last second advice, and the three witches apparated, leaving Remus on the Potters’ front step.
Fireworks shot from Fred’s fingertips and George started to scream.