Chapter 2
The next week was surprisingly pleasant. Even though he had to spend a lot of time with Sirius and Marlene, they at least had something to talk about. Marlene had great ideas and was so invested in the project that she thankfully forgot about her physical dependency on Sirius.
Remus really wanted the prank to have a creature-factor. They’d been looking up all kinds of creatures in the library and wondering whether they could smuggle them from the Forbidden Forest.
They’d gathered a big pile of books on creatures from the library. The weather was really good, so they decided to go out on the grounds to read them. As they were levitating the books down to the lake, Hagrid came out of his hut and waved them over.
“Hiya Hagrid,” Sirius greeted.
“G’day boys,” Hagrid said. “And girl,” he added, nodding to Marlene, who waved awkwardly.
“What’re ye doin’ out ‘ere with all those books?”
Sirius grinned, but Remus cut him off before he could start. “We’re doing some extra studying for Care of Magical Creatures,” he lied.
“Oh, I have to tell yeh, I’ve been reading myself about these adorable little creatures. They’re called Blast-Ended Skrewts,” Hagrid said, an excited gleam in his eyes. “They’re not legal here yet, but maybe one day… terribly misunderstood creatures, poor things.” He looked off into the distance, apparently mourning for the Skrewts.
“What are they like?” Marlene asked.
Hagrid pulled a piece of parchment out of his huge moleskin coat and flattened it out. On it was a crude drawing of… something. It resembled a worm, but also a scorpion. And a crab?
“Oh,” Marlene said. “How… charming.”
“How big do they get?” Sirius was wearing an excited grin that Remus didn’t like one bit.
“About seven feet, I reckon,” Hagrid answered.
Marlene and Remus excused themselves and dragged Sirius away before anything bad could happen. He had gotten very excited about Blast-Ended Skrewts for the prank. Remus and Marlene overpowered him though, reminding him that they didn’t want to actually hurt anyone.
***
In the meeting with the others, they agreed that there should be a collage of pranks throughout the day. They could start in the Great Hall during breakfast and continue on from there.
“Could we work in Polyjuice potion at some point?” Regulus asked. “I’ve read about it, it sounds really interesting.”
“Merlin, Reggie,” James laughed. Apparently they’d gotten onto a nickname basis. “That’s kind of dark. And illegal.”
“We would have to start brewing it immediately,” Lily said thoughtfully. “I’ve read it takes months to finish, and we only have two.”
James (and everyone else) looked at her incredulously, but she failed to notice.
“But I bet the only books with recipe’s are in the restricted section,” Regulus said.
“I bet we could convince Slughorn to give us a slip for the restricted section!” Lily said.
“Yeah,” Regulus agreed. “He loves you, he’ll do it, no questions asked!”
“He loves you as well, I’ve seen the way he looks at you during Slug-Club meetings,” Lily said.
“Who else is getting concerned?” James asked, and everyone raised their hands.
Lily ignored them. “If we go together, we’re golden!”
She and Regulus shoved their things in their bags, waved the others goodbye and ran off together, talking excitedly.
The rest of them sat there in stunned silence. Sirius broke it: “I vote we get back to whatever the fuck that was on a better occasion and take it to Dumbledore.” Everyone nodded.
“So,” Sirius started. “Remus, do you want to do the creatures pitch?”
Remus nodded. “I really think there should be magical creatures involved. We did a lot of research this week, and I think our best bet would be Thestrals.”
Nobody seemed to know what Thestrals were, so he pulled out the book where they’d found them. “They’re these horsey creatures. They’re invisible to everyone except those who’ve seen someone die. Imagine if we released fifty invisible horses into the castle!”
Some of the others nodded, but James looked skeptical. “Where would we find these invisible horses?”
Remus smacked himself on the forehead. “I forgot about the best part! Hogwarts has around 50 of them. They’re the ones who pull the carriages! I bet Hagrid knows all about them, we could ask him to show them to us (so to speak). Then we’ll see how to summon and find them.”
James’ face split into a grin. “Fantastic work, Moony!”
Dorcas cleared her throat. “I have an alternative plan,” she said. “Nifflers. Imagine people trying to defend themselves and their valuables from wild Nifflers. They’re not that aggressive or traumatic, unlike those death-horses, but it’ll be great fun!”
“Have you ever actually encountered a Niffler?” Sirius asked. “Because they're definetly not harmless. They get furious if you don’t give them anything that glitters.”
“Oh yeah,” James said. “Didn’t one attack you back in fifth year when we we’re getting back from the Forest?”
Sirius nodded. “I still have the scars.”
Dorcas looked amused but slightly skeptical.
Marlene said: “I guess that rules out Nifflers then.”
Dorcas huffed at that, expression turning sour.
“I’m sorry, do you have a problem?” Marlene asked.
“Oh no, everything’s just peachy,” Dorcas replied, sounding sarcastic.
Remus had no idea what happened. The atmosphere had tensed so suddenly. He wouldn’t’ve thought the Nifflers were so important to Dorcas. Judging by their expressions, James and Sirius were just as lost.
“No, really, what is your problem?” Marlene demanded, sounding dangerous.
Dorcas sneered at her. “Oh nothing, I just don’t find it surprising you agree with your precious boyfriend,” she spat.
Marlene’s eyes darkened and her hair seemed to rise up. Remus could sense her magic rising to the surface, the air felt strangely dense. He and James made eye-contact. De-escalate, de-escalate now, James seemed to say.
“I guess we’re at a bit of a stalemate here,” Remus said and tried to force out a chuckle. “Maybe we’ll mull this over and decide next week?”
Marlene seemed to deflate a little, but she and Dorcas were still staring daggers at each other. Sirius was looking bewildered and James appeared politely confused. Remus wished Lily were there to act as a buffer of some sort.
“Alright.” Remus turned to James. “What did you and Reg come up with?”
“We could transfigure doors,” James said proudly. “No, no, listen, it’s good,” he continued as he noticed everyone’s faces. “The castle is already super confusing. We’ll glamour real doors and turn walls into fake ones. It’ll be great! People won’t be able to find anything!”
Dorcas said: “That’s a great idea! Lily and I,” she glared at Marlene, “Actually came up with something similar. We could charm some stairs into slides, or – or make them turn when someone tries to climb them!”
“Did you tell them about my idea?” Lily and Regulus were back. Regulus waved a piece of parchment with Slughorn’s signature on it victoriously.
Dorcas shook her head, and Lily spoke as she sat down. “I was thinking, we could try and make the Grand Staircase move.”
“Could we do that?” Remus asked. “Do you think that’s possible?”
“Of course,” Lily said. “A lot of research and practice and we can make it happen! I think it would be a great testament to what we’ve learned in charms. And if we don’t succeed, Hogwarts really needs to update it’s curriculum.”
***
They finished up the meeting after that and the others left for the common room, but Remus wanted to finish up his homework in the quiet peace of the library. Regulus had stayed behind as well, though the boy seemed nervous. He was fidgeting with his sleeve and looked around, avoiding Remus’ gaze.
“What’s up Reg?”
Remus was getting a little worried now. Had something happened to Reg? He knew what their home life was like, but he’d always gotten the impression that Sirius took the brunt of it to protect his younger brother. Maybe they’d had an argument? Remus needed both of them for the project and their arguing could become a real problem.
“I was – I mean I – could I talk to you for a mo?”
“Of course,” Remus said. He closed his books and looked at Reg expectantly.
Regulus shook his head and was still all fidgety. “I – James,” he mumbled.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Of course Remus could count on James Fucking Potter to be a twat and scare off the young Slytherin. Remus would kick his arse. However, he kept his cool as he said: “Oh, has he been a dick? I’ll talk to him if you need me –.”
“No, it’s nothing like that.”
“What then?”
Regulus took a deep breath. “I sort of – nevermind, it’s stupid.” He made to leave, but Remus hissed after him.
“Oi, get back here you git! Tell me what’s going on! I will not have this project compromised”
Regulus sighed again and slouched back. He shuffled his feet while staring intently and Pince, who was levitating some books in the Restricted Section. “I sort of have a crush on him.”
Remus gaped at him. James. James, his friend. James, who had been desperately in love with Lily for years. James, who was Sirius’ best friend. Sirius, who was Regulus’ brother. “But he’s –“
“I know”
“And he’s in love with Lily.”
Regulus’ flushed a little at that and stared at his shoes.
“What is it?” Remus asked, feeling slightly scared.
“I sort of have a crush on her too.”
“Shit”
“Yeah.” There were tears in Regulus’ eyes and his lip was trembling a bit.
“C’mere,” Remus said and pulled the boy into a hug. Regulus was stiff in his arms, clearly trying to keep it together. “It’s okay,” Remus whispered. Regulus trembled slightly and sniffed. “We’ll figure this out, okay?” Regulus made a choking sound and nodded against Remus’ chest.
Once Reg had calmed down, Remus gently pulled out of the hug. “What d’you want to do?”
“I don’t know,” Regulus said. “I mean – they love each other. And I don’t even know if he’s queer”
“That is true,” Remus said thoughtfully. He wasn’t sure whether James was queer. If his pining-after-Lily-for-years told anything, he was straight. But then again, Remus liked girls too, aside from his soul-consuming crush on Sirius.
“I think I have to tell them,” Regulus said. His voice was shaking again. “I can’t bear this anymore, I’m so stressed all the time and it’s getting hard to work with either of them at all.”
“How long has this been a thing?”
“A few months”
“Months?” Remus was shocked. He’d had no idea. He hadn’t even been aware the three knew each other. But he thought he understood. Regulus was clearly as good as Sirius when it came to staying stoic.
“What if – what if they’ll hate me?”
Now Regulus was crying again. He looked so small and scared, Remus hugged him tight again.
“Of course they won’t, Reggie, they could never. He loves you, in some way at least. He could never hate you, I know it. And Lily adores you too,” he whispered urgently.
“But – but what if – what if it’s because I’m – because I’m –.”
Remus understood. He’d been scared of this as well. “Reggie no. They’re is not homophobic. Lily was the first one I came out too, and when James found out he was really supportive.”
Regulus kept sniffing and crying softly but seemed calmer. Remus played with his hair and rubbed circles on his back. He knew what Regulus was going through. He felt the same way about Sirius. Sirius, who would never love him back, who would always see him as a friend. Sirius, who he could never call his boyfriend. Tears burned Remus’ eyes as well, and they both cried quietly, hugging each other tight.