Strawberry & Cigarettes

The party was loud, and even outside of the Gryffindor's common room, you were able to hear the music, laughs, and screams. 

"Hey." Cedric walked out of the portrait with a drink in hand. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah." With a nod, you smiled. "Got a headache, too loud inside there."

He was always so considerate and polite, no wonder why girls followed him like he was made of sugar, which, he probably was. Throwing you a sweet smile, he sat next to you on the stairs. 

"Did you know there's a secret passage that leads to Honeydukes storage room?" You asked looking at one of the portraits on the walls, complaining at the loud music.

Cedric looked at you, amused. "Are you for real?"

"Wanna go check it out?" 

"Hell yeah!"

If a month ago, someone would tell you that you would be running through the dark and empty Hogwarts halls while holding Cedric's hand, it would sound completely delusional. While giggling and whispering at each other, drinks were already forgotten on the moving stairs. Maybe it was the firewhisky that one of the Ravenclaw's seventh year brought, maybe it was the adrenaline of doing something prohibited. Still, your felt your heart pounding wildly inside your chest and wondered if Cedric felt the same way. 

Halloween night wasn't as memorable for others. 

Remus was in his office, grading some essays and desperately wishing to get some sleep that night, but at that rate, it seemed impossible. He knew about the party, just like every other teacher, but he had better things to do than watching over a group of drunk students, plus he recalled doing the same thing every Halloween night with his friends at least more than 10 years ago. Pouring another glass of liquor down his throat, he sighed. A certain song on replay emanating from the old record player brought him memories from that particular afternoon when with all the regret he had, he pushed you away.

Remus Lupin tried to convince him it was for the best, although he wasn't the most persuasive person. His argument was still the same, he was too old for you, too broken, he had nothing to offer, and you? you deserved the entire universe. Remus knew you were more than looks, you were smart, determined, and enthusiastic. Every assignment that was presented was accomplished. Always exceeding expectations. After that day, the situation became tense and cold. A side of him wanted to apologize, to explain how this was for the greater good, how his words were a lie, and that the only thing he wanted was to hold you closer; The other side of him, the one who win most of the times, knew it was the right way. Probably not the healthiest one, but the most effective one. Since that afternoon, the atmosphere between you two became uncaring and rigid, both ignored the other's presence. Remus wanted nothing more than to approach you and pull you closer, hug you and confess how sorry he is, hoping it would maybe change your mind. If he had the courage or was at least 10 years younger, he would break it down to your feet, hold your hand and beg forgiveness, just like the love interest did in those romantic novels his mother liked to read. He knew that pride did nothing good to the soul, but that was the only thing he had left. Pride.

Did he love you? He was still wondering about it, it was a complicated term, he only recalls feeling this intense towards someone back when he was first in love, although he barely remembers her, a Ravenclaw girl that unfortunately died in the war that preceded his Hogwarts graduation, the same war that took so many friend's lives and the war that costed Lily and James happy marriage life. Love was a strong word, but that was the only one he had in hand. He tried to laugh about it, to make it look like it didn't bother him as much. The reality was, that it was consuming him to the marrow. 

But he also knew, that this time he had said too much, been too unkind. It was evident to everyone who had a set of eyes that his mood was going downhill and with the full moon around the corner, he felt even worse. Being a Professor was gratifying and Remus enjoyed it immensely, but the constant weight of being someone to look up to, someone who students relied on to vent and admit their darkest secrets, made him feel honored but also exhausted, really exhausted. Lupin wasn't used to handling emotions, his own emotions. He tried his best to give good advice and solutions and was always the cool professor that gave students chocolate to feel better. Whenever a student asked about his sudden drop of emotions or even other professors that saw the tiredness in his face, Remus was quick to brush it off, saying he was just still getting used to being a Professor, which was partially true. The constant sleepless nights were starting to affect him greatly. Remus felt his eyes tired and knew he probably looked like shit. Maybe that's why the moment he thought he heard your voice, he was already raving. Rising his head, he walked downstairs of the private office while the sound of one voice became two. He heard giggling loud whispers and the unmistakable sound of your laugh. 

"What are we stopping? We are almost there." You asked Cedric, thinking you were being discreet. The alcohol and adrenaline pumping through your veins make you unaware of your surroundings. 

So, in a nutshell, you didn't recognize the outside of the DADA's classroom, all you can concentrate on is Cedric's sweet smile and how rosy his cheeks look.

"I fancy you." He says, bluntly, the firewhisky gave him an unexpected wave of bravery. 

Remus, who was on the other side of the door with a tight feeling on his chest, pressed his ear against the door, just like he did that afternoon when Cedric asked you out. 

The air is abruptly pulled out of your lungs. Was he joking? "Cedric, that's not a funny joke." You pout.

"It's not a joke!" He exclaims, offended, early to grab your hand again, you feel your head spinning. "I think you're really pretty, and smart." Another wild blush crosses his pale cheeks while he says those words. "I know we barely know each other, but I would like to know everything about you."

"That sounds lovely." You reply, maybe it was worth a shot. When Cedric was by your side, all the feelings towards Remus were completely forgotten, he walked you to classes, spent time with you in the library, and sat next to you for dinner. He was always there. The firewhisky was blurring your common sense, so at the moment, the thought of dating him to finally erase Professor Lupin out of your mind sounded convenient and not borderline delusional. 

His soft hand brushed your cheek, you leaned closer and he did as well. You could already imagine the kiss, the air felt intoxicating, and your plump lips barely grazed against his, closing your eyes, you thought this was it, this was the moment where a new chapter of your miserable adolescent life began...

The door behind you violently swung open, making the two young students back off instantly. 

"Professor Lupin!" Cedric squeaked, nervous. His face was as crimson as a Gryffindor banner. "We didn't know you were here..."

"I belive is past curfew." The older man replied taking a quick glimpse at the watch in his pocket, pretending to not be unbothered. 

Even though his blood was boiling.

"S-Sure!" The Hufflepuff prefect stuttered. You, on the other hand, remained silent. "We were just..."

"Drunk and breaking yet another rule? Correct me if I'm wrong Mr. Diggory, but you are a prefect, and I believe you more than others understand the importance of respecting the school rules." The DADA Professor narrowed his eyes. 

"I do, Professor. I'm sorry." Cedric bowed his head utterly embarrassed. 

"Go to your dorm, and if you don't. I'll know." It sounded more like a threat. The young boy nodded and you proceeded to walk behind him. "Not you, young lady." Professor Lupin added. "My office, now."

"What if I don't want to?" Cringing at your own words, turning your head to lock eyes with your Professor. "You said it was past curfew, so I better be going."

"I wish to have a word with you as if it's not obvious." Lupin's grip on the doorknob was harsh enough to make his knuckles white.

"Well, I don't wish to have a word with you." The air was tense, Cedric mewled your name weakly, trying to avoid any more trouble. 

"It's not like you have another choice, is either that or I will give you detention for a month and minus fifty house points." Placing both hands inside his pockets, Professor Lupin turned around and walked back to his classroom, internally begging for you to come in. He heard Diggory's worried words, and how you quickly brushed him off.

"I'll be fine, see you tomorrow." You smiled, giving a quick peck to his left cheek. 

Inside the classroom, it was cold, the dim lights came from the office upstairs but you could barely identify the song. The empty desks and lack of sunlight felt strange. Following him upstairs, the flash of memories of your last time there felt like a ghost haunting your head, trying to shake away those thoughts, you took a seat, on the same chair you did almost three months ago. 

"I didn't ask you to take a seat." His voice caught your attention and taking a proper look at his standing figure, your heart sank inside your chest.

He was so breathtaking. Even with the tired look, he was handsome as always. The dark circles under his eyes only framed the soft glow of his amber eyes, his disheveled hair gave him an aura straight out of a romantic novel, something about him was so endearing, mystical. He had secrets, that's for sure I mean, look at those scars. He had seen things, you could tell by the sudden gloomy look in those honey eyes, there was an air about him, something magical. Observing meticulously at the way his long, slim fingers removed the vinyl from the old record player and placed another one, the song that played fell on deaf ears, all you could focus on was the way his eyes fixated on yours, reading them, he was fatigued, his facial hair wasn't proper trimmed like it usually was, but the way he was looking back at you made the whole world stop for a second. Everything disappeared and it was only you and him, he and you, not a Professor and his Student, just two souls desperately searching for comfort in each other, not even realizing it. Remus searched for something in your eyes, but the intense gaze was meant to pierce his soul. 

"Um?" A small sound made past your lips, he asked you a question but you couldn't recall it.

"I said, do you know this song?" He asks again, taking a seat behind his desk. Taking a moment to let the lyrics and tune flow inside you, you did. 

"Yes." It was a song your dad used to play in his studio, being one of the few memories of him. "Quicksand, right?"

"Correct."

The song was the only thing filling the room for a while, it was a nice song, but for an unknown reason, it made you feel sad. Maybe it was the booze drawing of your system or the cold room. A chill ran down your spine. The vinyl kept spinning and the song kept playing. Abruptly, everything felt too much. Overwhelming, almost. 

"Stop looking at me like that." Your voice pretended to sound carefree, but it was nervous. He made you nervous. 

"Like what?"

"Like you care for me." 

"I do care for you." He confessed.

"Bullshit." You spat, rolling your eyes. Yes, you were nervous, but the wound was still fresh.

"Language." It was a warning, but it's not like you two had been the nicest to each other.

"Bollocks, then" Crossing your arms around your chest, in a weak attempt to protect yourself. "I'm leaving."

Standing up, hand barely brushing the doorknob, you felt a hand taking away yours from the surface. Turning around, Remus caged you against the door, his body just mere inches away from yours. Towering just like he had done several times by now, the same rush of heat running through your body while looking up to meet his gaze. One large hand remained on yours, while his forearm was placed against the door, on top of your head. He smelled like liquor, or was it you?

"You're not going anywhere." Half-lidded eyes scrutinized yours, looking for any signs of discomfort. 

"Since when do you tell me what to do?" It takes two to tango. Frowning, the anger was now mixed with the euphoria, this was the closest you two had been since... You couldn't remember. 

"I'm your Professor, I believe that hierarchically you are forced to obey me." And the bastard dared to look smug after pronouncing those words. 

"Stop with these fucking games, Remus." That was a threat. Hearing you use his first name took him by surprise. "I'm not your play date or something."

"I just wanted to talk to you." He felt his will breaking down, he was supposed to be the adult in the room, but he felt nervous. He asked for you to follow him by pure impulsiveness. 

"We don't have nothing to talk about." You spoke, repeating the same words he said to you, the same words that broke your heart. "whatever you think we have to discuss, lacks importance to me."

"Clever girl." Remus complimented with a smile. "Using my words against me. Unfortunately, I know you don't mean them."

"Did you mean them?" Bringing your face closer to his, his scent became stronger, intoxicating your senses and clouding your mind. At the lack of answer, you leaned a bit more, his nose barely brushing yours. "What's the matter, Professor?"

Enough was enough. Remus had an internal battle, one you were clueless of. Throwing everything over the rail, he closed the gap. He tried to, he really did. Rediscovering how much your closeness affected him, he tried to control himself, the urgency to feel you again, choices were made that night.

He kissed you. 

Instantly reciprocating, wrapping your arms around his neck, it felt wonderful. Lips colliding in synch made the whole world stop once again, after what felt like years of yearning, the kiss felt like nothing you had experienced before. You could taste the liquor on his tongue, or perhaps it was the firewhisky you drank hours earlier, there was also a faint flavor of chocolate. Two large hands were quick to grab your hips, and soon the kiss deepened, tongues dancing and barely parting to breathe. It was a makeout session filled with need and eagerness. You couldn't recall when you removed his jacket and slid your hands under his mahogany cardigan, or when he placed you on top of his desk. Every kiss was better than the other, every kiss left both of you eager for more. 

"We can't do this," Remus whispered, breathless. His cheeks were red, and that only made the knot in your lower stomach tighter. 

"We can." You replied, tugging his clothes and pulling him for another kiss.

"This is wrong, I'm your professor, I'm older than you, this is..." He tried to convince again himself, and this time to pull you under the bus with him. 

"Do you like it?" It was a simple question, it only needed a simple answer. But again, when was life simple for Remus John Lupin?

"I love it." It was an honest reply, and Remus hated himself for it. Taking it as a green light, you kissed him again, this time with much fervor, if that was even possible.

A hard, sudden knock on the door startled both of you. Almost caught red-handed, you hid under his desk covering your mouth. Placing his jacket over his shoulders, Professor Remus took a deep breath to gain composure and opened the door. Behind it, it was professor McGonagall, in her nightgown looking extremely frightened. 

"Good night." He greeted her with a smile before noticing the look on her face. "What happened?" 

"It was horrendous, Remus. The fat lady was attacked, Albus found her in another painting, and the painting was scratched horribly."

"Attacked? By who?" 

"Sirius Black infiltrated the castle."

Total chaos. That's how the new situation could be summarized. Minerva explained hurriedly what happened and how the Headmaster was summoned outside the Gryffindor's common room, the party was barely hanging on by a few groups of students and no one saw a thing. They just heard the sudden scream of the Fat Lady. Of course, the party was quickly dismissed and every student was now sent to spend the rest of the night in the Great Hall, patrolled by every and all Hogwarts's personnel. Sirius Black, the name itself sounded terrifying. The moment Professor McGonagall was out of Lupin's office, he pulled you out of under his desk, you were scared, even more, scared that the idea of being caught kissing your professor's face off.

"I have to go, I can't escort you to the Great Hall, it would be too risky." Remus grabs your hand, the part of him, the primal side with the haste of protecting you, blame it on the wolf. "Please be careful."

"How did he get inside?" You asked while he hugged you tightly. If the situation was other, you would probably laugh at how overprotective he was acting. 

"He's insane, and he only has one thing in mind." Remus cringed at his own words, it was someone he used to love who he was talking about, despite it being the truth. "He spent 12 years in Azkaban, pretty sure he is out of his mind."

"He's looking for Harry, isn't he?" Your thoughts now were with the boy who lived. Remus just nods. "Fuck, this is terrifying." 

"Go, I'll meet you there. I need to make sure every other student heads up that way." He placed a chaste kiss on your lips, and another on your forehead. 

Indeed, total chaos. 

Needless to say, you weren't able to fall asleep that night, still on your regular clothes, the night was uncomfortable. Finding a spot with your friends, they were too scared as well to ask you any questions. The lockdown of the castle had everyone's nerves on the edge. Spinning over and over inside the sleeping bag, you tried to look at the stars on the ceiling, but it was pointless. Taking a look around the big room, you noticed Professor Lupin standing in the entrance, having a conversation with Professor Dumbledore. Noticing your gaze, he smiled at you, a gentle harmless smile, but one that made you feel safe. Like a bucket of cold water, you remembered Cedric, and the words he said. He fancies you, that's what he said, you two almost kissed. The guilt made its presence, and it wasn't a nice feeling. He didn't deserve this, and you needed to tell him the truth.

Well, maybe not all the truth, but still.

It only felt like you needed to lie more and more each time, and you hated lying. 

"What's on your mind?" Ariadna asked you, hugging her improvised pillow, which was Jennifer's backpack. 

"Is it possible to like two guys at the same time?" You ask, surprised by the way the question came out effortlessly. 

"I don't think so, I mean, you can't split yourself in two," Ariadna answered after giving it a thought. Her ebony skin glowed with the magical stars over your heads, making her look like a wise oracle.

"I knew I liked one, but the other just... appeared." It was hard to explain, mostly because you didn't understand it. 

"Maybe you're just mixing emotions." She pointed out. "If I asked you right now who would you prefer, do you have an answer?"

"I do." You did, and to confirm your statement, you gave a quick look towards Professor Lupin, who was still in the entrance, this time talking with Professor Snape, not looking pleased. 

"Then, there's your answer." Ariadna yawned. "It's so dark, I wish I could see who you're drooling for."

"I'm not drooling!" You almost shouted, which earned you a scold from Professor Sprout who was walking nearby. 

"Whatever you say." Your friend just giggled at your reaction and laid down, ready to sleep.

The night was long, pretending to be asleep, you overhead professors talking, students gossiping, and the occasional sound of the wind outside the castle. You needed to clear things out with Cedric as soon as possible. Outside the thick castle walls, a black dog was howling at the almost full moon, no one heard it, how could they? No one had the chance to hear it before, why would this time be different?