Twilight
The rest of the week was a hurricane of emotions.
Doing whatever that was within your reach to be occupied, this week had you crowded with homework, spells, charms, and work. You volunteered to tutor another group this time in Herbology class, you were taking any distraction you had near and gave yourself in. All you wanted was to have your mind occupied, busy hands, busy head. Waking up at the very first ray of sunshine you took a bath and scrubbed your skin so hard it was red, brushed your hair, grabbed your bag, and soon appeared to be the first one in your dorm to be in the Great hall, sinking your thoughts in your volume of Fantastic beasts and where to find them. You ate avidly once the food was flawlessly presented on top of the large table without taking off your eyes of the book. As always, breakfast was delicious and taking a moment to appreciate the mouthwatering pancakes and how fresh and tasty the orange juice was. Ariadna and Jennifer joined you half an hour later, Jennifer rubbing her eyes.
"Good morning." You greeted them while flipping a page of the book.
"Good morning, bookworm." Ariadna teased you while flooding her pancakes with peanut-butter syrup. "Will you stay with us today?"
"Can't." You replied lifting your gaze to check the large clock on the wall. "I need to be early for Herbology class, Mrs. Sprout will be teaching proper repotting of baby Mandrakes." Kissing their cheeks you grabbed a red apple and wrapped some toasts in a napkin, completely unaware of the set of eyes glued to your moving frame.
The full moon was just around the corner and the only person who seemed affected by it was currently shifting in his seat. He felt anxious, overwhelmed by his senses and the sensitivity he experiences every time the full moon was upon him. Once you left the room he allowed himself to relax, the closeness of your presence was a constant threat to his sanity. Remus Lupin wasn't proud of his actions and wasn't fond of the way his body reacted to your proximity. He was grateful that you opt to ignore his mere existence, not meeting his gaze, delivering your homework before he even step into his own classroom, sitting at the last desk, away from him. It gave him the necessary time to think, to approach his feelings that were as confusing as a lesson of Divination with Professor Trelawney. But the longer both of you delayed this discussion, as you once called it, only made it more challenging for him to find a moment to speak privately, even more now that you seemed to be drowning in work and tutoring. Professor Lupin ate his breakfast without zest and drank his black coffee with lots of sugar wondering when was the right time to speak to you.
"Remus?" Professor McGonagall sat next to him, noticing his uneasy shape and the dark circles under his eyes. "I'm sorry for interrupting you, is there something wrong? You look tired."
"Full moon is this tomorrow." He briefly replies. Her eyes glow with comprehension. "I'm afraid I will have to accept Dumbledore's offer and let Professor Snape impart my lessons for today."
"Please do." Minerva nodded. "If you need to take another day off, please let me know. I can even ask a seventh-year student to aid you with classes. They can help you grade and impart lessons as well." He wondered who she had in mind but from the way she talked about this student, he instantly knew it was you who she was talking about.
This first week you had pushed yourself over the limit, and in a matter of days already being recognized for your compromising and flawless work, the first professor meeting he attended last Wednesday was a cheerful round of praise for the hard work you had achieved this first week of school. Even Professor Snape recognized the good job you did on your first tutoring lessons in his class that Tuesday (silently guarded by him), Professor McGonagall was impressed by how quickly you dominated her lesson of "Toad to Toadstool" that Thursday, and Professor Sprout was delighted with your volunteering that Friday with her classes with the ones she called "most problematic group". He had to recognize that the essay you turned in about Dementors was top of his class, but before he could congratulate you, you vanished. The way your name rolled off his lips the moment Minerva asked him if he had a student he vouched for, he regret it. Remus spoke without thinking but again, something profitable might result from you being his assistant. He would have the chance to talk to you and finally put an end to this... whatever this was. He thanked Professor McGonagall for her concern and offerings and continued his breakfast trying to convince himself that he was doing the right thing.
Outside the castle, the fresh air was liberating. Walking your way to the greenhouses and giving the red apple a good bite, you made a brief stop. Making sure you were alone, a soft whistle emerged from your plump lips, and from behind the trees, the familiar sound of four paws made their way towards you.
"Hey Doggy!" You greeted the black dog with a smile. "Sorry I didn't show up last night, I was doing homework, I brought you some toast and an apple but I gave it a bite, sorry." The dog didn't seem to be bothered. He just kept barking at you and spinning on his axis. Last Wednesday when you took another walk to smoke and read, the same dog appeared and you thought to yourself might as well bring him food from time to time. You learned that the dog wasn't quite fond of other people, plus the alone time was gratifying. "I gotta go, Doggy. See you later." Scratching behind his ears as a goodbye, you reached Professor's Sprout class just in time.
"My dear! Thank you so much for volunteering, you are my guardian angel." Kind as ever, Mrs. Sprout's words made you blush.
"Oh, it's nothing." You replied while placing your earmuffs and some gloves. This was about to be a tough lesson.
It sure was a tough one.
"Can anyone tell me the properties of the Mandrake?" You asked, voice raising for everyone to hear. As expected, only one person raised their hand. "Yes, Miss Granger?"
"Mandrake, or Mandragora, is a powerful restorative. It is used to return people who have been transfigured or cursed to their original state." The younger student smiled proudly at her knowledge. You nodded at her with a smile and a thumbs up.
"Excellent! Ten points to Gryffindor." Professor Sprout shouted behind you.
"Although." You continued. "Mandrake can be dangerous, can you tell me why? miss Granger."
"Yes, it is because the cry of the Mandrake is fatal to anyone who hears it." The right answer, as always.
"Since these are just babies, their cries aren't that fatal. But, it can still be dangerous enough for someone to faint." Just when you stopped talking, Professor Sprout removed a baby Mandrake from its pot. The sentient plant started screaming and growling.
Much to your despair, you saw a student fainting. You sighed and walked closer to him noticing it was Longbottom. Carrying him with Harry's help, he was placed outside of the greenhouses while the class continued. After a few minutes, Neville woke up feeling embarrassed. You quickly calmed him down and encouraged him to go back to class and follow him, you helped a few students in need, they mimicked your actions while repotting the plant and soon the class was over, Mrs. Sprout was shouting their homework and thanking you again and again. Removing your equipment you walked back to the castle. The sky atop you was grey and the slightest smell of rain flooded your nostrils.
Inside the castle you walked to the dungeons, you enjoyed potions class and Professor Snape wasn't a bad teacher, he just liked to be mean on the daily. You met Ariadna halfway but Jennifer was nowhere to be seen.
"Hey, where's Jenn?" You asked while opening the classroom's door.
"She saw Professor Lupin walking out of the library and she's embarrassing herself in front of him trying desperately to gain his attention." Ariadna giggled but for some weird reason, you didn't find it as funny.
Feeling a sharp sting inside your stomach, you were caught off guard by the sensation. Why did the thought of Jennifer pressing her body closer to Lupin's gave you that strange feeling? Why did you feel your blood boil at the thought of him giving him the ministrations he gave you on his very own bed? Why did you feel the urgency to be the one who had his attention?
Oh my Godric, you were jealous.
"What's wrong?" Ariadna asked noticing the sudden mood change in your face.
"I'm fine." You gave the best fake smile you could pull and seconds after Professor Snape walked out of his office as enigmatic as ever.
"I hope everyone did their Wolfsbane essay." His tone was dry and short-spoken, and with that, the class started.
Professor Snape explained how hard it was for the common man to brew this specific potion. He pointed out more than one time how 'it was a temporary relief but not a permanent cure' for lycanthropy. How the potion must be taken each day for a week preceding the full moon. While writing everything down, your thoughts dragged you to the vile idea of Professor Lupin with Jennifer, glancing over her empty seat, you felt again that uncomfortable sting in your stomach, shaking your head, trying to get the whole issue out of your head.
«What am I jealous of? He can fuck whoever he wants. It's not like we are together or something.» Your voice inside your head snarled at your intrusive thoughts.
"Open your books on page 34 and read the instructions on how to properly brew Wolfsbane, it requires very expensive and hard to obtain materials, so you all will be working in pairs. Write them down in your notebooks and in the next class we will follow them verbatim." Professor Snape dismissed the class and received the essays on his desk. Before walking out of the classroom, he called your name. "Stay." His tone didn't allow any objection.
Leaning over a desk you waited chewing the inside of your cheek. Your next class was Care of Magical Creatures and you sure didn't want to be late for that class.
"I will need your assistance today." Professor Snape spoke while rearranging his equipment for the next class. "After your next class goes meet me in Professor Lupin's classroom." It sounded more like an order than a request. Your whole body tense at the name and it didn't go unnoticed. "Is there something wrong with the request?"
"No, I will be there." You nodded cursing your feelings. "I just don't like that classroom, it's really cold." It was a lie, but he seemed to believe you.
Being extra careful with your steps, you once again walked out of the castle this time to Hagrid's hut where the rest of your group was already gathering. Hagrid was a gentle giant, and you never met someone before like him, with a heart as big as him and the warmest smile. You rubbed Fang's head and paid attention to the class.
"Good morning class!" Hagrid greeted them and the students greeted him back. "Today's lesson was supposed to be about Quintapeds but I had something more interesting in mind." He had that proud smile that could only mean he was about to introduce something new and interactive. You knew a lot about Hagrid's numerous friends. Your first detention being forced to feed Aragog with the twins in the dark was one of the scariest things you ever experienced before.
The whole class followed him to a space surrounded by large pine trees, Hagrid clapped his hands and the most beautiful magical creature you had ever seen was in front of you. It was tall, gracious, and majestic.
"Everyone! Meet Buckbeak!" Hagrid looked proud of the hippogriff and who wouldn't?! "Remember, they are very proud animals, they can get easily offended and Buckbeak here isn't an exception. He is a very polite gentleman but be careful... It might be the last thing you do if you insult a hippogriff." His voice lowered an octave and the class took a step back. "Who wants to pet him?" He jolted.
"I will!" You exclaimed holding your hand in the air. Hagrid smiled at you and gestured for you to get closer while explaining how to gain a hippogriff's trust.
You were having your little main character moment.
Hagrid explained to you how to properly approach Buckbeak. With small and slow steps, the hippogriff acknowledges your existence and raised its head to assert dominance. You looked at Hagrid for a second nervously but still followed his instructions. Bowing your head mimicking the grace of a crane, you extended you behind you, showing him you meant no harm. After a few seconds of waiting, Buckbeak bowed down as well with all the dignity and grace he had to offer and it was such a captivating sight.
"Great!" Hagrid clapped and the class did as well. "I knew you had it in yeh!" He looked pleased, being a professor suited him. "Now, you can pet him."
And you did, his feathers were soft and Buckbeak enjoyed the attention, his beak nuzzled into your hair in a friendly manner to which you giggled in delight, you felt happy. Buckbeak seemed to notice your bright new mood because he circled you cawing and rubbing his head against your shoulders.
"He really likes yeh!" Hagrid clapped again, he love it when people saw the beauty of every creature. "Wanna ride him?"
"No!" You exclaimed a bit startled. "I mean, no thanks, maybe another day."
The rest of the class consisted of a round of questions about hippogriffs and a small homework, Hagrid wasn't fond of grading essays when he could just demonstrate how to do it. You waved him goodbye and joined Ariadna and Jennifer, hearing Jennifer babbling about Professor Lupin.
"He's just so polite! a true gentleman." Jennifer sighed enlightened in her own illusion. "If he wasn't our teacher I would definitely make a move."
"Don't be ridiculous." Ariadna rolled her eyes and you felt at ease, at least someone agreed with you. "He's way too old for you."
"Well, what if I'm into a more mature demographic?" Jennifer teased her.
Again, that feeling was bubbling its way to your stomach and this time, to your mouth.
"Ari is right." You spoke, without thinking. "He's probably into someone more... mature."
"And what's that supposed to mean?" Jenn looked at you, narrowing her eyes, you shrugged.
"Take it as you like." You replied and Jennifer walked away mumbling something for herself.
"What was that about?" Ariadna frowned at Jenn's actions.
"No idea." You bit your tongue this time, feeling a bit guilty. "Gotta go, I need to help professor Snape with something." Your friend kissed your cheek and you walked your way to Lupin's classroom.
The classroom was empty, so you placed your bag on a desk and awaited Professor Snape, who walked in a few minutes later.
"Professor Lupin will be unable to impart today's class." He explained and you nodded. "It's a third-year class so for you it should be nothing. Here." Handing you the third-grade DADA book, you nodded.
When the bell rang, students started filling the class and much to your delight you spotted a few familiar faces, Harry waved at you and you smiled, followed by Ron and Hermione who waved at you as well. They weren't bad students, they just got in trouble a lot. Like, a lot. Professor Snape waited for everyone to take seats and then with his wand he closed all the curtains which scared you for a moment, triggering a small jump from you.
"Where's Professor Lupin?" Harry asked raising his hand.
"Unavailable, Potter, none of your business." Snape snarled. You wondered why so harsh though. It was an innocent question. "Open your books on page 394."
"Um." You cleared your throat gaining everyone's attention. "Professor, the book instructs that today's lesson it's about Red Caps."
"I said page 394." His eyes gave you chills. "That might be Lupin's schedule but since he's not here, I will impart the lecture I see convenient."
"But professor..." You insisted. "The sudden change might affect Professor Lupin's lesson plan and..."
"Don't make me regret my decision of bringing you here." He barked, shutting you up in the process. Earning an apologetic nod on your part. "Today's lesson will be about werewolves."
Unbeknownst to you, in the office upstairs, Professor Lupin was at his private desk listening to the class. Chugging the last remaining of the wolfsbane potion Severus brewed for him, he sighed. His whole body ached and the pressure in his skull was destroying him. Clenching his fists at the way Professor Snape talked to you, he felt a warm emotion crawling up his body, even if your actions showed him how much you wanted him away from you, your words were kind and considerate. From his lips, a small, ironic laugh escaped, of course, Severus was going to take this opportunity to speak about werewolves. His hatred looks and attitude were enough for Remus to receive the message. After all these years, Snape still detested him. Your soft voice was loud enough for him to hear through the walls, and your tone was steady while you read out loud the lesson. A part of him desired to observe the way you spoke, finding it soothing and relaxing.
"A werewolf, also known as a lycanthrope." You started. "is a magical creature who resembles a human being, but upon the rising of the full moon, the individual transforms into an uncontrollable, fearsome, and deadly wolf. This condition it's caused by infection with lycanthropy. There are many differences between werewolves and actual wolves, which makes the process of identification easier for professional researchers."
"Can anyone explain the difference between an animagi and a werewolf?" Snape interrupted you. Hermione raised her hand but the potions Professor ignored her. You felt bad for the poor girl. "No one?"
"Werewolves are unable to keep their sake and mind during their transformations, nor do they have the ability to control themselves," Hermione spoke despite Snape not giving her permission. "However, an animagi can manage to do both, transforming themselves at will without any restrictions." You smiled at her, but Severus wasn't as happy.
"I don't like students who act as they know it all, Miss Granger." His tone was venomous, you rolled your eyes. "Minus ten points for Gryffindor. Maybe that will teach you to not speak when you are not instructed to." The whole class remained silent and you took it as an opportunity to continue your lecture.
"Lycanthropy is a magical illness, known to be spread by contact between saliva and blood. If a transformed werewolf bit a human, the victim would become a werewolf themselves. Unfortunately, there's not a known cure for lycanthropy, the worst effects could be mitigated by consuming the Wolfsbane potion, which allows the werewolf to retain their human mind while transformed. The monthly transformation it's extremely painful if untreated, in their wolfish form, the werewolf would lose its human sense of right and wrong."
"When transformed, they suffer from a permanent loss of moral sense. Making them extremely dangerous. Even in their human form, werewolves pose a danger." Professor Snape added, Remus who was in his office rolled his eyes at his statement.
"Professor, that's an incorrect statement." Your voice was like a sudden melody in Lupin's ears. Did you dare to disagree with Severus? Standing up, he walked closer to the door leaning against the wood with his cane in hand. "That's a quote from Emerett Picardy's book: Why Lycanthropes don't deserve to live. While human, a werewolf can be as good and kind as the next person. You cannot blame someone for their actions when they aren't even capable of controlling them."
The silence, Oh Godric the silence, Remus would pay a hundred galleons to see the look on Severus's ugly face, he had a proud smile, not only for your courage to speak but for your words itself. Being used to a rough treatment for his condition, he felt a huge appreciation for your persona for advocating not only to him (even if you were completely oblivious of his condition) but for hundreds of victims as well.
"You seem to be very fond of werewolves, Missy." Snape locked his dark eyes with yours and you gulped, cursing your own impulsiveness. "Have you ever met a werewolf?" He asked but didn't give you the time to answer. "I assume you haven't, and you should be thankful for that. Werewolves are vile creatures, selfish and despicable. They are a threat to the wizarding society, they live in poverty and human flesh is their favorite meal..."
"They live in those conditions because the ministry gives them such unfair treatment!" You snapped back. Every student holding a breath, even Remus who was almost starstruck by your sudden bravery. "People discriminate against them without even giving them the opportunity. Their condition is a limitation, yes. But they are capable of doing anything a noninfected wizard is!" Your cheeks were a bright red, leaving every soul in the room speechless. And Remus's smile got even wider when he realized you didn't employ the term 'normal '. "They aren't vile Professor! They didn't decide to be that way, they just had the bad luck of being a victim."
By the look on Professor Snape's eyes, you knew you were in big, big trouble.
"Well, since you happen to be so interested and in love with werewolves." His tone made you shrink in your place. "You will all write two rows of parchment on the werewolf with particular emphasis on recognizing it. You too, Mrs. Lupin." His gaze makes you feel impossibly smaller in your place. "Three rows of parchment for you."
"Professor." It was Harry's turn to interrupt him. "It's Quidditch day tomorrow." Snape leaned on his desk, the action even making you uncomfortable.
"Then I suggest you take extra care, Mr. Potter. Loss of limb will not excuse you."
Remus had the urge to walk in, but that would only draw unwanted attention and there still was this teeny tiny issue with you. He didn't miss the way Severus called you Mrs. Lupin, which could only be a mockery of his condition, and he desperately implored it was only that. Who knows what would happen if Snape was the one to find out the situation between you and him.
"Due to your inability to keep your mouth shut and your radical opinions to yourself." Professor Snape returned his hostility towards you. "I will ask you to leave this class, your assistance will be no longer required." Although it didn't sound like a bid. "Term: Werewolf, is a contraction of the Anglo-Saxon word were in man, and wolf..." He continued the lesson without any demur.
Picking up your bag you slammed the door behind you with his words resonating against your eardrums.
«Mrs. Lupin. He called me Mrs. Lupin.»
All the color drained from your face, He had no chance of knowing what happened between Remus and you, right? How could he? While trying to convince yourself, all the emotions and anxiety you were bottling up through this week were overflowing. Tears gathered in your eyes, running your way to the shared dorm. The soft pillow was a muffler for your sobs. This sensation of weakness wasn't pleasant. Why were you crying when you could be doing homework? Walking your way to the next class? Crying wasn't worthwhile. Or at least that was what the little voice inside your head was screaming at you.
Unconsciously minimizing your feelings. Making you feel bad for having emotions.
Washing your face, the walk back to Muggle Studies wasn't as bad. Waving a few students you sat next to Ariadna, who shared this class with you. Jennifer, on the other hand, chose Divination.
The rest of the day flashed by. Exhausted, tired, and discouraged, you fell asleep the moment your cheek was pressed against the silky pillow.
Saturday.
Remus Lupin woke up feeling completely crushed. Today was the full moon and he already felt his bones aching. Laying in bed, he soughed rubbing his face. He looked at the scars in his hands, a permanent reminder of his condition and the reason no one would ever love him. A constant reminder of his curse, of the reason he wasn't worthy of being loved. It was a bitter thought, yes, but his whole life was a bitter story. The words you spoke so confidently yesterday were stuck in his brain on replay. Standing up with a groan he grabbed the cane next to his bed, struggling his way towards the old record player on top of a short coffee table. Opening one of his trunks he grabbed the first vinyl that was on display, the lyrics of Black Dog by Led Zeppelin bounced over every corner of his room. His mind wandered for a while, indulging himself with the sweet old memories of his days in school, listening to this same song while the one he thought to be his best friend, Sirius Black shouted at everyone about how Led Zeppelin wrote a song just for him. From his lips emerged a sad chuckle, life was so easy back then, laughing with his friends, getting in trouble, finding a home with them, with their company.
He would give anything to feel that happy again.
But life wasn't fated to be happy, at least not his life.
When the full moon was at its peak, he felt it, the pain, the dullness, and the fear. He would never get rid of the fear. Fear of hurting someone, fear of being a constant threat. Wolfsbane made transformation less painful, his body changed, his bones deformed and every inch of his skin stretched painfully. The potion once again was effective. He sat next to the window, sniffing the fresh scent of rain, the magic from the forbidden forest, and... there was something. Someone familiar. The rain was making it difficult to identify, but it was someone he knew, someone close, and his mind could only evoke one word.
Pack.
He howled at the moon, the sound muffled by the thick brick walls, he cried, he cried for the ones he had lost, for the ones who weren't by his side anymore.
On the other side of the castle, you raised your head from your parchment, already done with the first two and squeezing your brain to start with the third one. You could swear you heard a wolf howling. Shaking your head you close your textbook and called it a day.
It was probably just your imagination.
Sunday was a lazy day. You woke up rather late, your body thanking the night of required rest. Sitting on the edge of your four-post bed, a sting of guilt made its way to your chest when you saw Jennifer reading a muggle magazine in her bed.
"Jenn?" She heard your voice and turn her head towards you. "I'm sorry for what I said yesterday. I didn't mean to make offend you in any way." Standing up you sat next to her. "It was a rough week, and I know it's no excuse, but I spoke without thinking."
"Don't worry about it." She smiled. "I was a bit sensitive that day as well." She hugged you, and you smiled back.
"I'm really sorry." You repeated still wrapped in her embrace.
"Hush." Jennifer giggled. "So, do you like Professor Lupin?"
"What?" You said with wide eyes, looking like a scared deer. "I don't, why would you think that?"
"I'm kidding." She laughed it off. "I wouldn't blame you if you did though, he's so hot. Would you join us this time for breakfast?"
"Sure, I'm just gonna take a shower."
Locking up yourself in the bathroom, you looked at your reflection, looking tired. The warm water relaxed your muscles, feeling the stress being washed away. Maybe, just maybe... Maybe you needed another type of relief.
Sliding your hands across your wet body, the cold wall against your warm body ripped a sigh from your lips. Your fingers dive in, with closed eyes and a wandering imagination. The welcoming feeling of the heat being built up in your core already makes you feel at ease. It didn't take much for soft whimpers barely audible to roll down your lips, remembering the sensation of foreign hands over your body. Every inch of your skin felt on fire for a moment.
Greedily searching for a release, for a piece of that desired heaven, your mind betrayed you.
Recalling the way his hands slipped across your naked chest, the way his skilled hands curled inside you hitting that spot that made you see stars. Drunk in the memory of his body pressed against yours, the delicious pain of his teeth ripping your skin off. Almost claiming you. How his tongue curled and swirled in all the right ways. You came around your fingers profoundly desiring you came over him once more. That feeling of guilt washed over you again, again, and again. You bathed until your skin was raw, but the dirty feeling still felt glued to your form.
Breakfast was a pleasant distraction, laughing your worries away with Jennifer and Ariadna, not even noticing how the empty seat on the professor's table. The twins approached you, Fred covering your eyes and George giggling next to him. You spent the rest of the morning with them, following everywhere, laughing, running around the halls, and even helping them design a brand new plan to infiltrate Filch's office. What could possibly go wrong? You had the rest of the day free, and without giving it a second thought, you made your way to the usual spot behind the trees with a book in hand, escaping to the world of Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen. A sudden bark startled you, and the black dog whose company you enjoyed made its way next to you.
"Hi Doggy!" You greeted him. Placing the food you brought for him, you chew on the bar or chocolate that Professor Lupin gave you earlier that week. The dog next to you ate the food and kept you company. Resuming your reading, the scenes unfolding in your mind. "Poor Marianne, it's not her fault Willoughby is such a gold digger." You complain out loud and the black dog barks agreeing with you.
The next thing you register, is the dog's low growls, giving him a confused look, you watch how he runs away in awe.
"Doggy?" You ask, but the sudden sound of steps approaching you diverts your attention.
"Good morning." Professor Lupin walks with cautious steps with the help of a cane. You notice the dark circles under his tired eyes and the disheveled state of his hair. He still looks handsome as hell. "Am I interrupting something?"
"No. It's fine, I was just reading." Corroborating your words lifting the book in your hands.
"What are you reading?" His tone was curious.
"Sense and Sensibility."
"Jane Austen?"
"Yeah."
If he judged you for reading a romance book, he didn't show any signs of it. Instead, he rested his weight on the cane and lit up a cigarette.
"I will like to know the plot if that's okay with you." You hated him for being so considerate.
"It's about two sisters, Elinor and Marianne, who are the personifications of good sense and sensibility. Their father died so they are forced to stay with some distant relatives. Marianne is in love with John Willoughby, but when he realizes she's not an heiress of any fortune, he lies to her, then proceeds to say he never had any feelings for her." You paused for a moment. "I have not finished it, yet."
"And what do you think at the moment?" He asks the cigarette hanging between his lips. Your gaze fixates on them, and for a second you remember how you touched yourself at the memory of those plump limps across your body.
"Besides Willoughby being a son of a bitch?"
"Language."
"Sorry."
"Yes, besides Willoughby's unpleasant actions." He smiles at you.
"Well, feelings are important, if a person is sensible, 18-century society automatically makes them appear weak. Elinor does her best to hide her feelings towards Edwards Ferrars, feeling unworthy of being loved. Knowing someone like him might not see her as an equal. Marianne is not afraid of showing her emotions for Willoughby, even if he doesn't reciprocate, she is not ashamed of proclaiming her love. The different attitudes they develop towards the men they love shows two sides of the same coin." Uncertain about speaking further, you look back at him.
"A very accurate review." Professor Lupin nods, eyes still locked at you.
He drinks your image, the way your eyes looked at him from behind your lashes, that quizzical look, almost as if you were trying to read his mind. Remus's senses were still sensitive and upgraded from the recent transformation. He knew where you were just by following your scent. It was borderline creepy, he knew that for sure. But it didn't stop there. Your scent was different. Different from the one he perceived during class, during breakfast, or dinner. This was something else, and once he was next to you he recognized it.
It was the remaining scent of your arousal.
Acknowledging it made him take a deep breath, covering it with the cigarette still in between his lips. It was a scent that made his inside growl. The one you left in his bed, in his body. He knew what you did and it took him every pinch of self-control that was still remaining in his body to not imagine how you looked crumbling down your own fingers. It was a strong desire, it was overthrowing every limit he built for himself. A voice inside him, the voice of the other fragment of his mind reminded him how gorgeous you looked under him, how pretty your sounds were.
It was his word, the word of the wolf inside him, and your word.
Did you think about him the moment your pleasure consumed you? Were you unable to forget the way your bodies collied that night? The way he lost himself inside you as if it was meant to be that way.
Because he wasn't able to forget it. He was feeling it,
He was hungry for you.
A hasty pull on his sweater brings him back to reality. You were standing up next to him with a worried look.
"Professor? Is there something wrong?" You ask, frowning at that beautiful face,
He wanted to pull you closer, kiss you, intoxicate himself with your figure once more. And he doesn't fucking understands why, why you? Why was he so weak to your proximity? These unholy feelings were consuming him. And he can't figure out why. Every inch of his body knows it's wrong, he knows it would be the end of him. The inner sanctity that your body gives him. That night when for hours you made him feel loved. With your words, your actions, your eyes. There was nothing he could do about it. This was just another weight over his scarred shoulders. Another pleasure he wasn't able to pursue.
And it's an evil, but the evil is necessary.
"I'm fine, dear." He smiled. You blushed at the pet name, hoping he didn't notice, but he did. "It was a long night."
"Here." You said splitting the remainings of your chocolate. Handing him a piece. "I gotta go, I hope you recover soon, Professor."
Remus Lupin's eyes followed you all the way back to the castle, bringing the chocolate to his mouth he growled running his fingers through his hair. He lost himself to madness, to the wicked craving of your whole being. He was a lost man with a broken soul and a torn body. And you were his sweetest desire. But he wasn't worth being loved, and there was nothing you can do about it.