Chapter 3
("I'm sorry, brother…")
Regulus watched as the smallest bit of light he reached vanished as the monstrous hands of the inferi dragged him to the depths of the lake. He closed his eyes, ready to give up as he breathed his last breath with that single thought. Not his mother, not his father, not the dark lord. His older brother, the most important person in his life, Sirius Black. He was the last person he thought of as he drowned, the price to pay for stealing a fragment of the dark lord's soul.
He was floating under the water, and he awaited his death. He felt hands wrap around him, and he conjured the strength to open his eyes. To his confusion, he was met with emerald hues and a blurry face.
And then he woke up underneath the ceiling of his bedroom in the Slytherin dormitories. His eyes blew wide as a thin layer of sweat coated him. His chest heaving, and he turned towards the bedside and grabbed his wand. He casted a quiet tempus, and he stared at the date in utter bewilderment.
September 7, 1975
"What the fuck…"
("Who are you?")
("A friend.")
In his second life, Regulus has spent the next four years planning on how to save himself from his death. He had planned to run away, but the lingering guilt and sense of justice stopped him. So he attempted to destroy the horcrux again. When Sirius had run, Regulus had grabbed his brother before he could flee.
("Promise me… promise me you'll never come back to this hellhole.")
That was the last thing Regulus had said to Sirius before his elder brother ran with that very oath uttered by his own lips. Sirius had promised to him he would never return to the Black family, and Regulus was content with that. Sirius wouldn't come back. If he hasn't done so in his first life. He wouldn't do it in this life.
So Regulus made sure that his parents left his brother alone. He would be the one who would have to marry a distant relative of theirs. He would be the one burdened by their family's legacy. He would be the one who took the mark. All for Sirius' safety, he had fended him from his parents with his own body.
("You are no brother of mine—")
Sirius had told him when he met Regulus years after he had fled. This was the second time he heard his brother say that.
Then he went to the cave, with Kreacher just like the last time, ready to die again. History repeated, and he was dragged into the lake after sending Kreacher away. He drowned, and again someone came to hold him. This time, Regulus' could see the poisonous green that had gazed at him.
He didn't know who this person was, but he felt safe in his arms.
So he asked, and received an answer.
("Don't die again!")
("I promise.")
(" — I lied.")
His third life began the same way it did in his second. He woke up on his bed, on September 7, 1975, in his fourth year. He would have been lying to himself if he ever said that he hoped he would actually die, but his expectations didn't come to reality often.
However, in this life, it was odd.
The very first friend he made in Hogwarts back in his first year had come to home the day after, viciously slapping him in the face. Pandora Malfoy, the disowned daughter of the Malfoy family and Lucius Malfoy's only sister— half-sister that is. The girl who was nearly been married to Regulus but instead ended up being her best friend.
She was like Sirius in a way. From a family of Slytherins, she was sorted into ravenclaw. She didn't believe in the same things as her family, and had disgraced the Malfoy's honor— well that was what he had understood. In the near future, she would be disowned by her family when she fled from her home when she was, yet again, given an engagement. But the next was not like the possible engagement between her and Regulus. It was between Pandora and a man twice her age. She had disgraced her family, and this was her punishment.
("Don't! Don't leave me…")
She yelled, and sobbed into his chest. They were hidden in a classroom as she whispered on and on of the terrifying visions of his death.
Pandora Lovegood was a seer, courtesy of her mother's bloodline. It was rare, but she existed and had never told her family of such a gift. It was one of the reasons why she was so unusual compared to the rest of the Malfoys.
("I'll try.")
And he did, he really did…
But he failed. Although he felt warm when he lay breathless on the cold ground in the cave, as yet again his so-called friend, his grim reaper he had begun to call, had cradled him and sang him a familiar lullaby. He felt at peace when he died.
("This is my first time actually falling in love…")
("Is that a good thing?")
His fourth life was… well Regulus would have described it as more lively than he expected. At some point, he began to spend more time with his brother when he turned fourteen years old. Sirius has been bewildered by the change, but welcomed it with open arms.
History repeated and Sirius ran from home. Regulus stayed back for a mere month before following in his brother's footsteps— and the Black family lost both their heirs. Regulus had run to their uncle Alphard with a trunk filled with clothes, trinkets, and anything he needed for school. Kreacher, bless that elf, had helped him escape no matter the consequences.
Pandora, the same as the previous life, had remembered what had happened. Yet again, poor Regulus still received a slap to the face and a good amount of mothering. The differences between his fourth and the previous three was of the bond he has with his brother and his friends.
Regulus had let loose. He begrudgingly befriended the marauders, and to the surprise of many, ended up being rather clingy towards Remus Lupin. Regulus couldn't help but admire Remus for his ability to tolerate his brother, as well as his intelligence.
("Brother, if you hurt him in any way, I will have your head.")
("You seem to like him more than me…")
("If it were not for the fact you are in love with him, I would ask for his hand in marriage.")
His fourth life, Regulus had honestly favored it most. He has experienced something he had unconsciously avoided in his previous lives. Falling in love.
And somehow, the idiot he fell for was none other than James Potter. He was happy with James, and they were in a wondrous relationship from his fifth year till James has graduated. Sirius had found out when they were in their last year, and James had been bold enough to kiss Regulus after winning the quidditch cup.
("You are no brother of mine—")
Sirius has dramatically yelled at James, before protectively hugging a red faced Regulus. Regulus had stiffened at those words, but seeing how his elder brother embraced him made him smile.
Alas, Regulus was never meant to live past eighteen. He died in the crossfire between the aurors and death eaters, and had failed to even graduate from Hogwarts. Regulus had died on Christmas, when he and his brother were out shopping for gifts. He was struck down by one of the death eaters, Lucius Malfoy, he would find out and his dead body had been buried under the snow when his brother and his lover found him.
Then it came, as he was carried and he was met with the same emerald eyes he kept seeing, his reaper spoke.
("I'm sorry.")
("It's not your fault… thank you for coming to get me.")
("I can't do this anymore.")
Regulus was ashamed to say that this life ended earlier than the last. Because in his fourth life, Regulus Black had died at the age of sixteen, at exactly 12 o'clock on January first.
Regulus who had sent a letter to his brother saying goodbye.
I love you brother… but I can't escape our family— I don't want to be a death eater.
I'm a coward.
Regulus was found by his mother, who has been curious that their second born had ignored her calls, ignored her warnings that if he would not come out of his room and speak to join his cousin Bellatrix in the meeting, she would crucio him. She couldn't torture her son. She found him cold, still, and with no heartbeat on his bed with a vial of poison in his palm.
That day, the house of black had lost their youngest and the entire family had spiraled down to madness.
Regulus however, had listened to his mother scream at the sight of his body as his soul was carried by his reaper once more. He felt shame at the grimace his reaper seemed to wear, but his heart swelled when, rather than scolding him, his reaper had kissed him on the forehead. His lips were cold, but over time, Regulus learned to love the cold.
("I'm sorry.")
("It's not your fault. It's mine.")
━━━━━━━━━
Regulus often has dreams of soulless green eyes. The very same eyes that he had found comfort in. He dreamed of it often, but knew if he kept seeing such things that the end could be near. So he did as he was told, and tried to distance himself from his guardian angel as much as possible. But Regulus often found himself walking towards the garden arch, and stood under it to marvel at the rest of the garden. Sometimes there were red roses on the arch, sometimes there were gardenias, and other times he would see lilies.
That garden was one of the last places he had seen Hadrian before his life started anew. So Regulus had it regularly tended to, and he made sure every single rose bush was tended to and every single weed was plucked out.
Back in Britain, Regulus often found himself wandering Manchester, disappointed that he could not leisurely walk out of his house just to see his garden. He would simply push his curtains open and scowl at the bustling city filled with such noise. He missed the peace of Iceland, but he wanted to stay in Britain for a tad bit longer.
Pandora had made him promise after all.
He apparated to Ottery St. Catchpole, knocking on the Lovegood household's door. Xenophilius greeted him with a bright and welcoming smile. The man was Pandora's love and— dare he say— soulmate. He was absolutely unique and there were times that Regulus was happy that Pandora was disowned from such an awful family. He was simply glad that Narcissa seemed to be treating her like a sister.
"Good morning Xeno. How are you?" Regulus greeted, smiling back. Xenophilius stepped aside to allow him entry, and Regulus couldn't help but sigh fondly at the eccentric architecture of the Lovegood home.
"Absolutely splendid. You are here to pick our little moon, right? I am so sorry for troubling you with taking care of her. It's just that Pandora has been looking forward to this trip for months now, and I couldn't possibly just upset her or leave Luna alone—" Xenophilius rambled.
"Don't worry! Luna's my goddaughter and I'm actually looking forward to taking her in. You'll be gone for two weeks, right?" Regulus asked, scanning the living room in search of his little goddaughter and his best friend.
"Oh yes! We'll be going to Greece for the first few days, then to Rome, then to Italy then to— goodness I am rambling again." Xenophilius chuckled. "Well, you get the point. We'll return from our trip after two weeks. Pandora says you can take our little moon to Iceland for a trip so long as we get her back in the end." He teasingly added. Regulus adored Luna as if she were his own child, so it was like the girl had three parents rather than two.
"Xeno, has Regulus arrived?" Pandora called out as she descende the stairs with Luna in her arms. She immediately beamed at the sight of Regulus, while Luna giggled.
"Thank Merlin. Sorry for troubling you Reggie." Pandora apologized just as her husband did so. Regulus rolled his eyes, but happily took Luna from her arms.
"Don't be sorry. I'm more than happy to take in Luna. Just… Don't be reckless during this little trip. I know what you can get when you see new creatures. Might as well befriend the Scamanders at this point." Regulus snorted, as Pandora rolled her eyes and kissed Luna on the forehead. Two trunks floated from the second floor, and all three of them were out of the house.
Luna hugged her parents one last time, and the three took a minute or so longer than usual to separate.
"Je t'aime, ma chère lune." Pandora whispered, kissing the crown of Luna's head. The little girl giggled, nodded to her mother's words.
"Je t'aime maman, papa." Luna replied, and a little moment later did the girl start waving to her parents who apparate away from Ottery St Catchpole. She turned to Regulus who had his hands in his coat pockets, a small smile on his face.
"Let's go get your things mon petite lune."
━━━━━━━━━
"Such a shame I cannot bring you to Iceland." Regulus sighed, holding Luna's hands. A day has passed since Pandora and Xenophilius left for Greece and Luna had been a delight to spend time with. Regulus didn't doubt that when she would start attending Hogwarts, she'd be sorted into Ravenclaw just like her parents.
"That's okay! Maman told me about your garden, so when we can go to Iceland, let's go see the flowers first." Luna beamed and Regulus awarded her adorable expression with a head pat. Wandering around Diagon Alley in search of some potion ingredients wouldn't have been hard, if it weren't for the heavy crowd.
"What kind of potion are you making?"
"Dreamless sleep potion. Unfortunately, I ran out of valerian and Sopophorous beans." Regulus said, and entered the apothecary with Luna in tow.
It only took a few minutes for the duo to leave the apothecary, and the next thing he knew, Luna was dragging him in a different direction. He was bewildered by his goddaughter and saw the concerned look on her face. Regulus brought his gaze towards what she was worrying about and saw a crying boy trying to shrink into the sidewalk.
"Please help him. He looks lost." Luna insisted, and Regulus had no resistance to his goddaughter's puppy eyes. He sighed, shaking his head and moving towards the little boy and knelt in front of him.
"Excuse me, what's wrong."
Now that's a stupid question.
Regulus sweat dropped at his own question, but tried his best to calm the boy. He offered the child a handkerchief, and the boy lifted his head to show his face. Regulus froze, staring in shock as he saw an awfully familiar face on the boy. He saw James Potter's face with Lily Evans' eyes. However, Regulus would have been lying if he said that James and Lily were the first thought that came to his mind.
Hadrian… Ah, so you really are…
Regulus gulped, but smiled softly at the boy. He watched as Hadrian the boy accepted the handkerchief. "Where are your parents?"
The boy sniffled, "I got lost… I want my dad." Regulus smiled sadly at the boy, glancing at Luna who looked rather worried with the boy. He slowly stood up and cautiously searched for a familiar face. To his thanks and dismay, he did not see James Potter anywhere.
("In another life, you raised me… regardless of how much I looked like my father.")
Regulus shook his head at the thought. He hasn't seen his reaper in seven years, and seeing that there was a child that looked like a miniature version of him. 'My father'. Regulus had always wondered who his reaper's father was, and seeing the child in front of him… how ironic.
"Well what's your name? I'll help you look for your parents."
"I'm Harry! Harry Potter."
Regulus tilted his head curiously. He hadn't expected such a name, but then again, the boy— Harry was the son of a muggleborn and a man named James. It was bound to be… ordinary.
Harry… it's not too far from Hadrian I guess.
"Well Harry, I'm Regulus and this is Luna." He introduced himself, gaining a questioning look from Luna. He has to keep his promise to Pandora… to find his happiness and something told him that this was a way to find such a thing. Besides… This boy was a variant of his beloved reaper.
Luna smiled thoughtfully, tilting her head towards Harry who was staring at him in wonder. "Don't cry." She told him with a soft tone, and Harry turned red. Regulus couldn't help but chuckle at how easily flustered Harry could get. It reminded him of someone, and it was the complete opposite of his Reaper.
From a single meeting, Regulus could tell that Harry was a cheerful and bright child. Untainted by the words cruelty. He was the complete opposite of Hadrian, and Regulus could tell by just looking into the boy's eyes. They were shining with joy and had a passion for adventure. Hadrian's eyes were dark, devoid of any emotions aside from sadness. Hadrian was exhausted, while Harry was lively.
"HARRY!"
Regulus flinched at the familiar voice. He whipped his head towards the crowd where a man was rapidly moving towards them. He saw Harry ready to run to his father and stopped the boy instinctively. He could have been swept away by the crowd and had gotten even more lost. He wasn't willing to let that happen.
His heart pounded in his chest as he saw James moving closer and closer, hastily picking up Luna. He was about to run, but Harry had tugged at his sleeve with an adoring smile that caused him to melt. "Thank you for the help."
Regulus sighed in content, he had a soft spot for children. Maybe that's why he was so easily swayed. "Be safe Harry." He told the boy and hugged Luna close. She was in his arms and the moment James's face became clearer amongst the crowd, he ran. It was irresponsible of him to leave a child unattended, but his fear has gradually taken control of him.
Apparating away from Diagon Alley, Regulus landed just across the apartment building he was living in, and hurried inside. Luna, who was still in his arms, was trying her best to calm down her godfather. She could feel his heartbeat, and ran her fingers through his hair. But he was still agitated, as he ran up the stairs and finally arrived to his door.
Once inside, he set Luna down gently smiling for a second before immediately slumping against his wall. Luna gasped, worries for him as she frantically looked around for any kind of help.
"Kreacher? Kreacher!" She yelled, and the house elf appeared not a moment later.
Kreacher may serve Sirius, but he was ultimately loyal to Regulus. He never disclosed his master's presence to the eldest son of Orion Black. To see his master pale, sweaty and absolutely stressed displeased Kreacher who summoned glass of water.
"Is master Regulus okay? Kreacher shall make food for Master Regulus and little Miss Luna. Kreacher thinks that Master Regulus should rest." Kreacher spoke, bowing his head to Regulus.
A small yet grateful smile graced Regulus' lips as he wobbly moved towards his couch. Luna was trying her best to support him by pushing her hands against his sides, it caused him to laugh. He fell on the couch, and Luna happily climbed into the couch and cuddles him.
"Will you be okay? Is this my fault?" Luna asked, snuggling into his chest.
"What? Oh, goodness no! Mon petite Lune, you are not at fault. I'm just… I just saw an old friend of mine and… well I'm not ready to face them nust yet." Regulus admitted, a but flustered that his goddaughter had came to the conclusion that she was at fault for his agitation.
"James?" Regulus flinched. "Maman mentioned him once, since cousin Draco is friends with his son. So Harry's their friend…" Luna murmured, snuggling into Regulus.
Regulus frowned, caressing the back of Luna's head— insuring that she wouldn't see his expression. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tight as he closed his eyes and reminisced of what he has left behind. His brother, his friends, his lover. His life. He has left it all for freedom.
He pressed a kiss on Luna's forehead and slowly fell asleep. Not knowing that his goddaughter opened her eyes and looked up to see a figure looming over them. She smiled at the emerald optics quietly watching Regulus, as the figure caressed the man's cheek. She smiled, and fell into Morpheus.
"Goodnight father."
━━━━━━━━━
("Hold my hand and never let go.")
He closed his eyes, smiling as their hands intertwined. Eyes like silver, shining like diamonds as the mere touch of a love pressed against his skin. Regulus hummed softly, tilting his head as James chuckled in fascination to their intertwined hands.
James grinned, pulling their hands toward him, as he pressed a kiss against the back of Regulus' palm. Regulus smiled, allowing James to caress his hand as he watched with fondness. James beamed, pressing yet another gentle kiss to the palm of his hand and Regulus continued to watch.
("Kiss me goodnight and I shall dream of you.")
Regulus chuckled as James gave him a chaste kiss to the lips. The Gryffindor was cheekily grinning, peppering kisses across Regulus' face then trailed down to his neck. The prince of Slytherin hummed, tangling his fingers through James's ever so messy hair. He let out a soft exhale as James smirked against his skin.
("Tell me you love me, and I will never forget.")
James pressed their foreheads together, holding him tightly. Regulus was mesmerized, pursing his lips as James pulled him flush against him. The Slytherin chuckled tiredly and James captured such a sound with his own lips. Swallowing the sweet laughter of his lover as he refused to let him go.
Regulus was stuck in his hold, as he whispered, "I love you Regulus."
("Do all those things, and I will never wake up.")
Regulus opened his eyes and he was not greeted by James's smile.