Chapter 2
Pure utter bliss was what he felt as he carded his fingers through thick and silky black hair. Mesmerized by the stormy gray eyes that locked on to his hazel ones, as he drowned in the sea of silver. He melted as he heard such a melodious laugh, and smiled at the bright gleam in those silver hues.
He held his lover in a gentle yet tight embrace. Lying on a soft and comfy bed as they amicably just held one another. It felt surreal, as the world was silent around them and the only thing he could hear was his lover's voice. He laughed softly as he nuzzled against the nape of his lover's neck. He could smell the faint scent of coffee, fresh parchment and ink. It was like drowning in amortentia.
"Are you feeling well?" The younger boy asked him, tilting his head so his cheek was pressed against his chest.
His face turned bright red, shaking his head and smiling at his lover. Planting a gentle kiss to his forehead and caressing the back of his head. There was a soft hum coming from his lover, and he could only sigh in content. Intertwining their hands together, he fondly cupped his lover's cheek and smiled. He smiled once more, and pressed his lips against his lover's. It was gentle and chaste, yet it had more meaning than it seemed. He couldn't help but giggle as his face turned bright red.
"Jamie, you seem drunk." His lover stated, rolling his eyes but his hands flew up to James's hair and fondly ruffled it. James, the saint he was, lowered his head in an attempt to get his love to pet him more and it definitely worked. Long slender fingers carded through his messy black hair. James couldn't help but grin.
"Drunk on you? Absolutely." James childishly replied, earning himself an eye roll. "Love you Reggie." He pressed another against Regulus' lips, and he felt the other melt into it. Their bodies just fit together. His back pressed against the headboard of his bed, while Regulus leaned into the kiss, his knees pressed against the bed, between James's legs. His arms wrapped around Regulus' waist, Regulus holding on to his shoulders for support.
Regulus Black and James Potter.
James Potter and Regulus Black.
Jamie and Reggie.
It was just them, while the rest of their world could only marvel at the love they had for one another. James held Regulus as if he were the most important thing in the world. To James? Perhaps he was, and thus Regulus smiled into the kiss and moved his hand to the back of James's head and pressed the older boy deeper into the kiss. He wouldn't let James move away, but that was never a problem.
Regulus was right.
James was drunk.
The golden boy of Gryffindor, besotted with Slytherins beloved prince. James who adored the mere attention Regulus gave him, a man obsessed. That was James Potter when it came to Regulus Black. He was drunk on the love, affection— the mere attention, Regulus directed towards him. He was drunk, and if this was his poison he'd drink it and die happy. Because James loved Regulus.
And Regulus loved James.
Regulus pulled away, both of them out of breath. But James leant forward, begging for more. Regulus smirked, pressing a finger on James's lips causing the Gryffindor to pout and whine. The ever so cunning Slytherin smirked, leaning down to James neck, his breath instantly against the boy's skin. James shuddered, but tilted his head just to give Regulus enough space. He could practically feel him smirk.
"Say it again." Regulus hummed, pressing his lips against the skin of James's neck. James gulped, but easily complied with his lover's wishes.
"I love you Regulus." He breathed out, and Regulus chuckled softly. This time, it was Regulus who initiated the kiss. It was a bit more fierce than the previous one, as the Slytherin bit at James's lower lips and in an instant the Gryffindor opened his mouth.
It took a minute or two for them to separate, a string of saliva connecting them. Regulus had a satisfied smirk on his face, while James was panting and simply stared at Regulus as if he hung the stars up in the night sky and kept them shining. That was how obsessed James Potter was with Regulus Black.
James could not keep his eyes off Regulus as the other cupped his cheek and gazed down at him. He was besotted, Remus had told him time and time again. He was in love, his mother had told him the first time he talked to her about the warmth he felt around Regulus. He was obsessed, he had told himself everytime he couldn't remove Regulus from his mind.
Because he belonged to Regulus.
And Regulus belonged to him.
"I love you James."
And James woke up from the blissful dream.
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"James, you look awful."
James sighed as Lily pointed out his haggard appearance. He wished he was asleep. He wished he was back in his lucid world with Regulus in his arms. But he knew that wasn't real. It was fake, a hallucination created by his own delusions. A dream world created from his longing and obsession for his dead lover. None of it was real.
Because Regulus Black died to save them.
("How could you!")
("Dammit! Let me explain—")
James smiled weakly at Lily and their son who sat beside them redhead. Six year old Harry Potter was taking a bite of the cookies his dear aunt Mary baked for him. He glanced towards his parents, bewildered, but soon noticed how tired his father looked. In an attempt to cheer up his father, Harry pouted before offering his cookie— which was only half of what it was.
"Dad, eat this! Aunt Mary made them for us." Harry exclaimed, pressing his knees against the wood of the chair and leaning across the table to shove the cookie into James's face. The boy was as stubborn as his parents, and he was not going to let his father frown.
"Harry— goodness be careful. You might fall." Lily, the worrywart she was, scolded her son, who refused to sit back down until his half eaten cookie was accepted. James chuckled, taking the cookie from Harry who's eyes sparkled in delight.
"I hope I'm not intruding on you guys…" James chuckled bitterly.
"Dear Merlin, stop apologizing!" Lily frowned, "Mary and I will always welcome you into our home. You are the father of my child, and Mary would be damned if we kicked you out of the house. It's not like she has anything to be jealous of." She huffed, and James shook his head in amusement.
"Love, James is apologizing for no reason again." Lily yelled towards the kitchen, and there was an audible clank of pots.
"Potter! Quite apologizing! You're family and if you keep saying sorry I'll hit you with this pan!" Mary yelled back. She sounded frustrated, her scolding tone reminding James of Lily. Said redhead was smiling fondly, while Harry was reaching towards the bowl of cookies and swiftly grabbed one then shoved it into his mouth.
Lily and James… people would have assumed they'd marry after her pregnancy was announced. Most people had thought that Harry would be the reason for James Potter to finally settle down… but that wasn't right. Lily Evans was madly in love with Mary Macdonald, and the two were currently engaged. James had yet to move on from his love.
Harry; the child was the result of a drunken night of passion. Lily, who has been frustrated with the situation with her family, had drank and drank until her brain turned to goo. While James, who had felt betrayed with Regulus having joined the dark side, did the same. He had drunk until everything around him was a blur. When it was revealed that she was pregnant, Lily had panicked, and James had immediately told her that it was her choice whether to keep the baby or not. In his exact words 'It's your body, it's your choice.'. And the result of her decision was to give birth to Harry.
They never married, but there were rumors they had done so in secret. It was absurd. In the present, James and Lily were happily co-parenting. Harry knew this of course, as neither of his parents wanted him to grow up with lies. They had told him a few months prior to his sixth birthday, and the boy had understood. Although he did sulk in his bedroom for a few days, he has recovered and happily started referring to Lily as 'Mom', James as 'Dad', and Mary as 'Mama'.
"Right, sorry. Nice cookies though." James grinned, following his son's example and taking another cookie from the bowl. Harry giggled at his father, and took a happy bite.
Lily, on the other hand, frowned. Over the years, James had changed. He was no longer the same boy who chased after her, no, that person had gone away since they were fourteen. Since James Potter fell in love with Regulus Black. James was no longer the same bubbly and bright boy she knew, and she has Dumbledore to blame for it.
After it was announced to the Order of the Phoenix that one of Voldemort's horcruxes were destroyed, everyone was anticipating the news of who had destroyed it. When Dumbledore was about to say who, she had seen the look of regret on the man's face. For all the years she's known Dumbledore, she knew that her headmaster was no saint. Yet whoever it has been to save them was someone that man mourned.
Regulus Black.
That was who had helped them win in the war.
The boy who had become a death eater upon his parents demands and expectations. The very same boy who had fought with Sirius tooth and nail for the attention of the Blacks, for the position of heir. Regulus Black who was an evil Slytherin. Regulus Black who had figured out the dark Lord's secret on his own. Regulus Black who died at the age of eighteen, sacrificing himself for the greater good.
Regulus Black who was the love of James Potter's life. Regulus who was James's world.
Ever since then, the horcrux hunt had started. However, it was difficult to destroy a horcrux. They had done infinite research and only knew of two legitimate ways to destroy a horcrux. Fiendfyre and Basilisk Venom.
Many trained on how to use fiendfyre. Because that was the only thing they could do without dying by the gaze of a Basilisk. But there were two insane men who had hunted down a Basilisk.
Sirius Black and James Potter. James, in his grief, had somehow taken out the sword of Gryffindor from the sorting hat. Upon the death of his lover, his determination and love for him proved him worthy of the sword. Sirius, who was determined to avenge his brother, helped look for a Basilisk, and they had found one. They had been led to Greece, and James had ruthlessly slayed the beast. Although the two were hospitalized for a month after that.
Dumbledore, the man hadn't cared whether it was a suicide mission or not. He sent James to destroy all the horcruxes along with Sirius who mastered fiendfyre during their journey to kill the Basilisk. After searching for two years, James and Sirius had destroyed all five horcruxes then went into battle with Voldemort and his death eaters. They had won, their side had won, and they proceeded to overthrow Dumbledore and ruin all his plans.
It began with most of the Order of the Phoenix stating how Dumbledore had recruited them when they were still minors and made sure that they were good 'soldiers' in the war. It had been a field day for the daily prophet. Upon such, Dumbledore was fired as headmaster of Hogwarts.
His judgment also caused his entire reputation to plumet ever so slowly. He still had supporters, but not so much.
"What's Sirius up to this time? Poor Remus popped in a few days ago asking for advice on how to soothe his… nightmares. The dreamless sleep potion no longer works, he's grown to be immune to it. Remus is devastated and Sirius has barely slept."
James grimaced. He was well aware of Sirius' night terrors. He was the one his best friend confided in after all. Every single nightmare was about Regulus and unfortunately, James understood the pain of it. He too had dreams of his love. Some are sweet and blissful, his paradise and mercy from reality. But some are a smack to the face, a reminder that Regulus had died a hero, and James had called him evil before such.
"As far as I can tell, he's taking monthly visits to mind healers now. He's also been having tea with Narcissa and Andromeda." James informed her, mind going to the two out of three of the black sisters. Narcissa who was Lady Malfoy, and almost in absolute control of their family, and Andromeda who is Sirius' proxy for wizengamot duties.
"Bless their souls then. If you can, please inform Narcissa that I do hope we can have tea time as well. I just adore that woman!" Lily smiled, clasping her hands together. She and Narcissa had become great friends after Regulus' death, and it came as a surprise to the masses.
Who would have thought that a daughter of the Black family and Lady Malfoy would become close friends with a muggleborn.
"Of course. Harry, Draco, Blaise, and Neville are going to have a playdate later next week, right?" James asked, and Lily nodded. "A group of four boys…" he trailed off, a mischievous smirk on his face.
Lily instantly recognized such a look, and did not hesitate to glare viciously at him. "Oh no you don't Mister! Don't you even think of trying to raise another group of marauders."
James raised his hands in surrender, but playfully winked at Harry who had brightened at the mention of his friends. He chuckled softly, watching as Lily fussed about the crumbs on Harry's shirt but planted a loving kiss to Harry's cheek afterwards.
"Well Lily, as much as it is fun spending time with you, I need to go. Manage some of the schedules for the fifth year students and check on Sirius maybe." James sighed, getting to his feet and Lily and Harry followed suit.
"Well okay, Professor Potter. Tell Sirius to get some proper rest." Lily hummed, following James to the door and hugged him before he left. James knelt to the floor and hugged Harry as well as kissing his forehead.
"Dad! You'll come get me next-next week, right?" Harry asked, tilting his head curiously.
James nodded, "Of course! Dad just needs to sort out things back at Hogwarts. I can't disappoint Minnie, especially since I'm her successor."
"What's a successor?"
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James grimaced as he entered grimmauld place, patting his robes as he stepped out of the fireplace. The Black ancestral home was considerably more comfortable and lovely compared to when Orion and Walburga were alive, but James was well aware of what kind of gloomy feeling it truly had.
Sirius lived here, not as some kind of brave act of moving on from his parents, but as a kind of punishment for himself.
Grimmauld Place had many gruesome memories. The abuse of Walburga towards her two sons, the negligence of Orion to his children. Fights were done here. Tears were shed, blood was shed. It all happened in such a home that Sirius imprisoned himself in.
James entered the hallways, passing Kreacher who bowed quietly to him, as he moved up stairs. He knew where Sirius would be, and it pained him. In a slow pace, James climbed the stairs till he was on the fourth floor. He quietly muttered to himself, walking past Sirius' room and went straight to Regulus'.
He frowned, pushing the door open and right there on the bed of his former lover was Sirius Black.
Sirius, who hugged his deceased brother's pillow, buried himself in the silky dark green blankets. The grim animagus let out soft sniffles, a whimper for a second, and a slight sob muffled against the pillow. James had, unfortunately, gotten used to seeing Sirius like this. He slowly approached his best friend, sitting on the edge of the bed as Sirius turned to glance at him.
"Prongs?"
"Hey Padfoot. Moony's out grading the kids, and he called me to check up on you." James gently pressed his palm against Sirius' forehead, to which the eldest son of Black pouted childishly. James rolled his eyes, lying back and using Sirius' legs as a pillow.
"Poor Moony. Professor of History of Magic. At least the new generation won't be bored with Binns teaching them." Sirius snorted, staring at the ceiling as spread his arms on the bed. James had done the opposite, clasping his hands over his stomach as he stared quietly.
"Are you sure you won't move out?" James asked, "There's enough space in Potter Manor for you and Moony. It feels lonely without you guys."
Sirius smiled bitterly, "Not until I find him. I deserve this for abandoning my little brother… to spend the rest of my days in this wretched place."
James grimaced. This was one of the most ridiculous decisions Sirius had made, but it was the one filled with the most remorse and guilt. To live in the home where he abandoned his brother. For almost seven years, Sirius had resided in Grimmauld place as a punishment for abandoning his little brother, for running away while Regulus was forced to fend himself from their parents. James had never blamed Sirius, he never approved of Sirius living in Grimmauld place— but he understood how he felt.
"Do you really believe he's alive?" James asked softly. Regulus had always been a difficult subject to speak of between them. For James, he had to constantly wake up from his dreams to a reality completely opposite to what he sees when he's asleep. James would sleep and Regulus would be alive, he would wake up and suffer the fact Regulus was dead.
But to Sirius, it was a complete opposite. When he fell asleep, he would dream of Regulus dying and calling him a failure. He would dream and dream, until he was awake, believing and praying that his brother was alive. Everytime he was awake, Sirius did not give up, and searched for any clues of his only brother. Regulus was dead in his dreams, and Regulus was alive when he would be awake.
So as two best friends experienced opposites. James who wanted to sleep, and Sirius who couldn't bear to close his eyes.
"He's alive. I can feel it!" Sirius declared, a gleam of determination in his eyes. James admired such a thing. "Until I see his body, I will never believe he is dead. Because this is my baby brother— Regulus Black who figured out about horcruxes at the age of eighteen. He's my brother, he's a Black… he isn't going to be easy to kill."
And that was the only thing that could make Sirius believe his brother was dead. Regulus Black's cold, rotting, dead body. Though it was morbid, it was confirmation. Because for years, Sirius had given up on his brother, and when Regulus did not give up on him, Sirius was not going to fail his brother.
"Cissa and Andy feel it too, but…"
Narcissa and Andromeda were a few years older than Sirius. Regulus was the youngest of the blacks in their generation, thus amongst his cousins, Regulus was oftentimes babied. He was the little brother, the little cousin. The death of their youngest has even affected Bellatrix, who was now rotting in Azkaban with her husband. Such a cruel woman who screamed profanities, displayed her own insanity had gone silent and still upon hearing the death of Regulus.
Narcissa had said so herself, even the death eaters were unnerved of her silence. That was how important Regulus was to their family.
"Why won't you believe me?" Sirius asked quietly, watching as James sat up, slouched as he rubbed his hands together. Their lives had become peaceful after destroying the horcruxes, but even then, it was difficult to move on from death.
James was bitter about this, and could only tilt his head. "If I do, I will feel hope. If I feel hope and get disappointed, I fear that… Maybe I won't even recover from it." He whispered, closing his eyes as he removed his glasses.
"You still love him." Sirius stated, not as a question but as a fact. He had known about the relationship between James and Regulus when he had caught the two kissing after a quidditch match when they were in sixth year, and Regulus was in fifth.
James nodded, "It's always been him."
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Little Harry held his father's hand as they strolled around Diagon Alley with his uncle Padfoot and uncle Moony. He was happy to be with them, and even happier when he saw that his dad and uncles were happy as well. He was an observant child, it was unusual at first but quickly his family got used to it. Harry was smart and that deserved praise.
But there were times that Harry discarded such a thing. He was a child regardless of how intelligent he was. Situations often caused him to be frightened; like being separated from his father in a crowd.
Diagon was filled with people on a Saturday afternoon, and Harry who had been distracted by the new broom had his hand slipping away from his father. Before James could grab his son, the crowd had swept him away and Harry was alone. He stood to the side, trembling in fear as he desperately looked around for his father.
He never liked crowds, but if it were with his family, it was bearable.
"Dad… Paddy?" He murmured, clutching the hem of his shirt and stared at the ground with tears welling up in his emerald eyes. He sniffled quietly, watching as his tears fell to the cement.
"Excuse me, what's wrong?"
Harry blinked in surprise when he saw a man kneel in front of him, holding out a handkerchief. Behind the man was a little girl with blonde hair around his age. She was wearing unusual glasses, but Harry found it cool. Harry sniffles, hesitantly taking the handkerchief and murmuring his thanks.
"Where are you parents?" The man asks, as the girl behind him tilted her head at Harry.
"I got lost… I want my dad…" Harry murmured, a bit timid to start crying in front of a stranger. Yet the man only smiled at him, glancing at the little girl he was with and slowly stood up.
"Well what's your name? I'll help look for your parents."
Harry beamed up at the man, emerald eyes shining. "I'm Harry! Harry Potter." He excitedly introduced himself, grinning at the kind stranger.
"Well Harry, I'm Regulus and this is Luna."
"Don't cry." Luna told him.
Harry turned towards the girl, Luna, who smiled thoughtfully at him. He turned back towards Regulus and noticed the similar eye color the two had. They were gray, maybe silver. But he found those eyes familiar, and he couldn't help but scrunch his nose up in confusion.
"HARRY!"
Harry's eyes widened as he heard his father's voice, and almost ran towards him. But Regulus promptly stopped him, glancing towards the sea of people. "If you go to him you might get lost. Why don't you call for your dad? He might hear you." Regulus whispered, ensuring that Harry was in no danger.
Harry nodded, calling out to his father and immediately he saw the familiar head of messy black hair he shared with his father. He turned towards Regulus, who was smiling fondly at him. "Thank you for the help!" Harry exclaimed, smiling at Regulus.
Regulus simply chuckled, picking Luna up and the two grinned at Harry. "Be safe Harry." He said, before scurrying off with what Harry recognized was a frightened expression. The boy blinked in surprise, before Regulus and Lina vanished from his sight.
After a few seconds, James, Sirius, and Remus were out of the crowd and had immediately ran towards Harry who was waving at them from the side. James looked absolutely relieved, and brought his son into his arms, kissing his forehead and murmuring his thanks to Merlin.
"Dad!" Harry whined, "I'm okay! A very nice person helped me!"
"Oh? Where are they?" James looked around, searching for the stranger who had helped his son.
"Oh, they left. They seemed to be in a hurry." Harry pouted, a bit upset that his dad could t meet the two. "He kinda looked like Uncle Paddy, and the girl with him had the same as him." Harry pointed out, and the three men simultaneously freezed.
"Harry… Did he tell you his name?" Remus asked, careful as he glanced towards James and Sirius. He turned towards Harry who nodded enthusiastically.
"Yeah! His name's Regulus, and the little girl's name was Luna! They have really pretty eyes like you, Uncle Paddy." Harry pointed towards Sirius, who was shell shocked. James was frozen, before shaking his head and gathering Harry into his arms, carrying his son.
"Let's go home Bambi…" James murmured, trying his best to smile at Harry.
Regulus and Luna.
James thought. A man that looked like Sirius, and a child with silver eyes. His Regulus.
Ah… is she his daughter?