Good Intentions

Cinder honestly had no idea how long they had been lying like that. Maybe a few hours? In the end it didn’t really matter.

Instead she chose to focus on what did: Winter had actually stayed, held onto her, running a hand in her hair, drawing soothing circles on her back. She kept her word.

The former singer took a deep breath and sat up, pulling out of Winter’s embrace in the process.

“Ashes?” The Schnee asked in a concerned tone.

“I’m… okay now, Snowflake. Thanks.” Cinder replied after a long exhale. “We… didn’t get to really talk after all that mess was aired out, did we?”

She didn’t really want to talk, period, but Winter was a saint in handling her breakdown, a proper talk was the least she deserved.

“Ashes, there is no need to force yourself. It is perfectly understandable if you would rather rest after, if I were to use Miss Rose’s words, we threw all those bombs at you. We have time, now. It can wait.”

Damn it, why did Winter have to be so understanding? She loved her for it, but at the moment it was the exact opposite of what she needed.

“But you deserve better than that…!” Cinder snarled in reply, and caught the eldest Schnee sibling by surprise. 

“You deserve so much more than a crippled fool who ghosted you for over two years, who is too big of a coward to even face you properly when it’s time to face the consequences, and here you are, allowing her to delay it further out of the goodness of your heart! That’s not how it should work…!”

The former singer’s fist hit the mattress of the bed, not that she could cause any damage to it, but her hand was caught before it could land the second time.

“Cinder. Ashes. Listen to me, please!”

And how could Cinder deny the request when Winter was making that face, asking oh so softly as if nothing else mattered? Simple. She couldn’t.

“I… I would lie if I said your disappearance didn’t hurt. Because it did, and at first I was angry. You were ready to start PT, my fa-, no, that bastard Jacques was finally out of the picture, mother was actively dealing with her issues… Things were finally looking up, but then you were gone.” The Schnee locked her eyes on Cinder, clearly expecting her version, even if she had heard it already the first night.

“Things were turning for the better for you, Snowflake. I was -am- a cripple, and surely you’d have better things to do, like fucking finally be happy, instead of taking care of me! I couldn’t become a burden to you of all people!” Cinder grit her teeth, she wanted to shout so badly, but her hoarse growl was so low she could barely hear it herself.

“You were about to have everything you’ve worked so hard for! World champion with the fencing team, the ‘Pride of Atlas’. That bastard behind bars, Wil-your mother cutting out the alcohol. And here I was, a burned wreck of my former self, with barely anything to my name, my reputation in ruins. Ready to pull you back. I just couldn’t sit and let that happe-”

Cinder was silenced mid-sentence as a pair of hands cupped her cheeks with such care, she almost tore her head away. She didn’t deserve the kindness.

“I will tell you what I already did when you thought me being here an illusion. I wouldn’t have cared back then, and I don’t care now, because you could NEVER be a burden to me, Ashes!” Winter’s voice was firm as leaned in and pressed her forehead against Cinder’s.

“You never courted me for my family name, the money or prestige it would bring, or for my fame as an athlete. You were one of the few who actually saw me as a person, Cinder. You cared for me when I had to stop doing what I loved because my body couldn’t handle the strain, not to mention my parents…”

Winter’s voice was soft, full of an emotion Cinder thought she’d left behind along with what was left of her heart when she vanished.

“I didn’t care that Weiss blamed you for the accident. I would have fought with her gladly each day, ignoring the fact for a moment that you were innocent. I couldn’t care less about what the people say about your reputation, that your assets and money were taken. All I needed was you by my side and nothing else would have mattered. How could I be happy without you there to share it with?”

Cinder was about to look down, her guilt and self-loathing about to overwhelm her again, but Winter didn’t let her.

“That said, I’m also at fault.”

Cinder’s eye widened at that.

“What the hell are you talking about?! It was me who ran away!”

“Yes, but you did that with my happiness in mind, twisted as that sounds… And I should have noticed that you were not well at all. The signs were there, but as you said, things were finally looking up and I was too focused on that instead of paying more attention to how you felt. For that, I’m truly sorry.”

The former singer couldn’t even reply at first, the whiplash of emotions shocking her into silence.

“I-I don’t deserve an apology, Snowflake! I-It should be me begging for your forgiveness, not the other way around! You have nothing to say sorry for!”

Winter just shook her head with a sad smile.

“But I do, Ashes. I’ve spent many a night awake, wondering if I could have stopped you from leaving, sparing everyone so much pain if I were just a little more attentive, if I tried to be there for you in a more meaningful way? It was maddening…”

“You cannot change the past, Winter.” Cinder whispered, her remaining hand clenching the empty left sleeve of her shirt. “For what it’s worth, I… I’m sorry. I really thought you’d have it easier if I just left and you didn’t have to deal with my shit right when you were supposed to finally get a break…” She murmured, knowing how useless her apology was. 

At least she could look away this time, to wallow in her shame and misery. Winter had no reason to accept-

“I know, and I forgave you long ago. I mean it.”

Cinder’s head snapped up at that, her thoughts shaken completely by the Schnee’s words.

“But-!”

“There are no ‘but’-s, Ashes. You said it yourself, the past cannot be remade. But we can learn from it, accept it and move on. Yes, you hurt us -me-, but you had good intentions even if you yourself suffered for it… and as I have said, I have never stopped caring about you. That’s why I was so relieved when we finally found you. I shudder to think if we were too late… I couldn’t have handled losing you again, not when I finally had the chance to have you back in my life!”

“I’m not worth it, Winter! I’m just a useless cripple, and even if I get some of my stuff back, it’s not like I can do anything with over half of it! I can’t play or sing, got no job, I have nothing!”

“You have me. You will always have me, Ashes. And you have my mother, Klein, Miss Rose -she really looks up to you as a fellow musician, you know-, even my siblings, not that Weiss would admit it openly. Miss Emerald is also clearly in your corner, and surely there are others. You are not alone, not ever again.”

Winter punctuated her words by pulling Cinder in, resting the former singer’s head against her chest, holding her close and so she could hear the truth in her heartbeat.

Cinder had no chance to resist  -not that she actually wanted to-, and wrapped her own arm around Winter’s waist as her tears broke free.

Eventually they pulled away, and Cinder could finally meet Winter’s face with a barely-there smile.

“I… I would like to ask you something, Ashes. I tried to make it clear already, but while we were separated, I got advised multiple times I should be more direct in my wording. That is to say, my feelings for you never changed, and in case you still feel the same as well… Would you do me the honor of becoming my girlfriend again?”

Winter’s question locked Cinder into silence once again, for long enough that the Schnee started to worry.

“I understand that getting back to the point where we were before everything would take time, but we could take it slow, that is, if you are amenable to the idea of our courtship. If not, please excuse me for-”

It was Winter’s turn to be interrupted as Cinder lips crashed against hers, but it barely took a moment before she started reciprocating it earnestly.

“Can I… Can I take that as a yes?” Winter asked once they separated for some much-needed air.

“As long as you truly don’t mind that I’m just half the woman I was, with all that baggage… by all means, Snowflake.”

Cinder’s snark was rewarded with a groan she found delightful.

“I was trying to be serious here!” The Schnee complained, fueling Cinder’s glee.

“Well, I had to make sure you’re aware that some parts of me remained the same.”

“You should spend that time with your lips on mine instead of making aggravating quips, Ashes!” 

“Huh… Now that’s a suggestion I can get behind.” 

Cinder purred, and it only took a second before Winter pulled her in for another kiss.

By the time they were done, Winter was sitting against the headboard with Cinder seated between her legs, her head resting on the Schnee’s shoulder.

It was Winter who broke the comfortable silence with a question.

“Say, Ashes, would you accompany me on a night out the coming weekend? To watch a play or a movie, followed by dinner? I would like to take you out on a proper date to celebrate that we are together again.”

“It would be uncouth of me to say no, as I’d like it very much too, but… I don’t really have anything to wear for the occasion.” Cinder replied cautiously. She still felt bad for her current lack of funds, but didn’t want to sound too dismissive right off the bat.

“I… I may have kept most of your things, be it the clothes you’ve left at my place, and whatever those vultures tried to sell off. I had hoped to return them to you once you recovered enough, but after everything… Admittedly I had a more selfish reason as well: I still felt at least somewhat close to you with those around. I still wear your old band shirt to help me wind down after a rough day.” Winter admitted sheepishly, a bit afraid of how Cinder would react.

“Seriously?” Cinder asked after a brief silence, shaking her head. She really lucked out with this woman, didn’t she?

“I take it you are not upset with me?”

The small smile and the brief squeeze of one hand was enough for the Schnee to let out a relieved breath. It also gave her the confidence to continue with something bold.

“While I am aware that some of your outfits would need alterations done, may I suggest that gold-trimmed red dress with the black blazer? Klein would have more than enough time to grab it for you before our date, he needs to go back to Atlas tomorrow to fetch something from mother anyway.”

Cinder was well aware of which outfit Winter was talking about. It was one of her favorites as well, and it would still fit reasonably okay and cover almost all her scars. 

“I see you thought this through, Snowflake. I’m impressed… and yes, that combination would be perfect. Though it also means I’ll have to find a set of matching shoes, because high heels are sadly out of the question with the need for my crutch and all that…”

“Then a shopping trip is in order for tomorrow to find a good pair. I know you hate the idea of being a kept wife, Ashes, but please try not to feel pressured by the finances. Gods know we have more than enough money as is, and that spineless bastard kept hoarding even more of it like some sick mark of prestige. Just imagine how outraged he would be if I knew I spent that lien on someone who makes me happy. He would be fuming… Okay, what is it? Why are you grinning like a cat who just caught the canary?”

A certain word made Cinder turn around in her seat, eye narrowed while Winter was talking, her growing smile unnerving her Snowflake more and more. The questions at the end were exactly what she was hunting for.

“You just implied I’m your wife, Snowflake.” Cinder flashed her grin in full, enjoying the way Winter’s face turned as red as a tomato.

“I-I meant it as a figure of speech! But… I mean, that was part of our planned future together, wasn’t it? I recall you mentioning a proposal on a grand stage. And I… I still hope to call you my wife, in time.”

“You still remember that?” It was Cinder’s turn to be caught off-guard. Again. 

“Well, the stage part cannot happen anymore, given everything, but now I can hope again, too… Seriously, did you bet on the number of times you could make me weep?” She sniffed, burying her face in Winter’s shoulder.

The Schnee simply held her, her head tilted to rest against Cinder’s ashen locks.

They went for slightly easier topics after that, mostly what Winter was up to when not working or looking for Cinder, with the rest of the Schnee family also brought up including Little Red and even Minischnee.

They were interrupted only once by a knock on the door by Klein. He brought their lunches, and was relieved to see their closeness, but didn’t comment on it aside from a single wink that made Winter blush and Cinder chuckle.

The light dish was fantastic, even if Cinder could barely finish off a third of it.

What made her raise her brow was when Winter led her back to the bed, sitting them side by side.

“If this is about me not eating more, I’ll just have to slowly get used to the bigger portions, that’s all. Klein’s cooking is still a class of its own above anything else.”

“It’s not that, though I’m glad to hear that, and feel free to tell him as well.” She paused to take a breath before adding “It’s something else, I just remembered during our meal.”

“Then ask already before you combust, Snowflake.” Cinder teased, but a sharp glare told her Winter was about to bring up something serious again.

“I know I said we can take our time with our relationship and proceed at a pace that feels right. And we will do that, but… Would you consider moving here, Ashes? To this apartment, I mean, not together together…” The unsaid ‘yet’ was there and they both felt it. 

Cinder had a hard time not to smile. At least Winter didn’t notice that, glancing away in a futile attempt to hide her blush.

“We have planned to stay for a month initially while looking for you, but thankfully Miss Rose found you quite early. Taking that into account, we would be out of your hair after two and a half weeks, save for Klein. You know he takes his promises seriously… But Atlas is only an hour and a half away by car, so I could always visit on the weekends, or whenever we make plans in advance. You don’t need to pay rent of course, and I… I admit I would be far less worried knowing that you are at a safe place.” Winter continued with a small wince, obviously upset that she didn’t manage to phrase it exactly as she wanted to.

“You’re still adorable when you pout, Snowflake… Yes, I’ll move here, just to put your mind at ease. It has nothing to do with Klein being a master chef on top of his butler duties, nor the outlandishly comfortable mattress, obviously. Though I’ll have to find a way to make it up for Old Bat Calavera. She seriously helped me out by keeping the rent low and was flexible to a degree with the due dates.” Cinder snarked, earning a halfhearted huff.

“She will be compensated properly, I promise. It’s the least I can do for the help she provided you with… And yes, you can pay me back once your own assets are returned to you, because I know you would be insufferable otherwise.”

“Ahh, you still know me so well~” Cinder replied in a singsong tone -well, as much as her ruined voice allowed the attempt-, and Winter rewarded her with that cute sulking face she rarely used.

She had missed that expression, missed her Snowflake so much. These past two years were truly hellish… But Winter still loved her -Cinder doubted even the gods knew how or why-, and she wasn’t about to take that second chance for granted.

It would need a lot of work from both sides, especially considering Cinder’s wreck of a body and all the baggage that came with it, but if Winter was willing to go this far for her, she wanted to try as well. 

The Schnee moved back to cup her cheek, hesitating briefly as she moved a hand towards the ashen mess of Cinder’s hair hiding the left side of her face.

“May I?” 

Cinder just nodded, letting Winter brush the locks away to reveal the scarred mess underneath, the ruined eye sealed forever by the flames of the accident. The former singer couldn’t help tensing a little, she was not used to that particular area being touched, but Winter was the exception to most of her rules and habits.

Still, she couldn’t help but gasp as Winter’s lips brushed against the scarred lids, one that turned into a growl without any bite in reaction to the Schnee’s chuckle.

“I’ll get you back for that, Snowflake! Count on it!”

“Good, try your best even if your attempts are doomed to failure, Ashes.”

Cinder snarled, tackling her girlfriend and down they went back to the mattress amid her victorious laughter and Winter’s indignant squawking.

Even as she triumphantly looked down at her Snowflake through a half-lidded eye, the gentle yet brilliant smile on Winter’s face made her don the lopsided grin she used to do often back in the day.

The way Winter’s eyes widened at the sight of it made Cinder feel warm inside.

Yes, she could get used to this again.