Chapter 14
“Hello, my favourite cousins!!” Andromeda's voice echoed out of Sirius’ laptop speaker.
“Favourite? We’re the only cousins you’re still in contact with.” Sirius remarked.
“That just makes the competition easy, doesn't mean it's still not true.” Andromeda winked and reached for a cup of tea with world's best dad written on it. A tall lanky blonde hair man paced in the background, bouncing a newborn baby against his chest. The home seemed so lovely, light yellow walls and toys scattering the floor. It comforted Sirius, knowing his brother could experience that, but also made him hopeful. That this kind of life was possible even coming from his family. That someone has accomplished a future separate, contradictory to his family. If it’s happened before, he could do it again.
“Now, this call was but pleasure and business,” Andromeda announced, clasping her hands together in a professional fashion. “I’m here to talk logistics.”
Regulus and Sirius both stayed silent but nodded their heads intently.
“We’re happy to have Regulus whenever you're ready. I don't know how much you cleared with your headmaster, but something tells me you are not really supposed to be in Sirius’ dorm.”
“Yeah, uh, technically… he’s not really supposed to be here,” Sirius admitted, running his hand through his hair and leaning back into his chair.
“No one knows I’m here,” Regulus stated.
“I thought as much.” Andromeda smiled.
“This weekend I can catch a train out.” Regulus planned. “It’ll be easy to sneak out when everyone's out of classes, teachers won't really be around.”
“We’ll meet you at the platform. Do you need to get things from your house?” Andromeda questioned, concern knotting her eyebrows.
“Umm, yes but -” Regulus fell silent, looking at his hands, picking the skin around his fingernails. “I don't think I can go back.” His voice was barely audible, racked with shame and fear.
Andromeda nodded knowingly. Sirius had frantically explained everything to her after the first phone call (with the consent of Regulus, of course) she knew all the details, having experienced some of it herself. “No problem at all, we have things here for you.” Andromeda comforted.
“You don't ever have to go back to that house, you understand.” She leaned forward, her smile disappearing, her tone becoming hard, determined. Regulus nodded, the tension in his shoulders releasing. Sirius was relieved that she was there to help Regulus, he never wanted him to go back to that house. Sirius tried to ignore the pang of jealousy in his chest, he knew he would eventually have to go back, he was not out from under the Black family's thumb just yet.
***
Sirius and Remus walked down the hall together, so close together that their hands would brush against each other. It seemed a little too daring to properly hold hands when the hallways were bustling with stressed-out students, but Sirius was already imagining what he'd get to do when they were safely tucked away in their corner of the library. Remus was already excitedly explaining the book they were going to study, and Sirius was just watching his lips.
Every time Remus’ knuckles touched his, or their arms would knock into each other, a crackle of something hot and sparkling bolted through him. Sirius liked to imagine the day when they could just hold hands, and be as romantic and affectionate as they pleased without worrying about the optics, or anything getting back to Sirius's family. Sirius pictured them just walking down a busy street, maybe if it’s raining, Remus would hold the umbrella, and they would tuck into each other, arms wrapped together and hands in each other's pockets, maybe Sirius would rest his head on Remus’ shoulder when they stopped to look in a window display.
Though, quick touches and secret kisses were enough. They were enough, for now.
As they were approaching the library, the large oak doors coming into view, a student with chemically blonde hair and a stern jaw marched towards them, making harsh and uncomfortable eye contact with Remus the entire time.
“Remus.” The boy said, and Sirius felt Remus tense up beside him. Though it didn’t show on his face. From the outside, Remus seemed impossibly cool.
“I need your services again.” The strange student continued, not even bothering for Remus to reply to him first, his voice carrying out in a weird drawl.
“I don’t do that anymore, Lucius,” Remus replied, voice even but stern.
“I’m sure you could change the policy for me, I’ll pay substantially.” He lifted his head, turning up his nose and looking down at Remus and Sirius, though Remus was still substantially taller than him so he was more looking at his shoes.
Remus rolled his eyes and nudged Sirius's shoulder so he knew it was time to leave.
“Fuck off.” Remus said as he walked past Lucius, not stopping or turning back to see the bright red angered cheeks of a posh boy who didn’t get what he wanted.
Sirius had a million different questions but held his tongue until they were safely tucked away in their corner, hiding between the tall shelves with the crisp smell of old books and parchment.
“So - er - what was that,” Sirius asked as he reached for Remus’ hand, he started playing with his fingers, twirling them around his own.
“Sold some booze and some other things to him for a party a while back. I have a friend in the city who needed some money, Lucius approached me, and I was happy to be the middleman.”
“Remus Lupin, you are a proper criminal.” Sirius teased, pretending to act scandalized. In reality, it was shockingly attractive, but Sirius tried his best to contain himself.
“Yeah well, he took forever to pay me back. For a bloke who is constantly bragging about how well off his family is, it took me nagging him for months to finally get anything back.”
“What a dick.”
“Exactly, never doing that again, almost screwed over my friend, can't risk that happening again.”
“So what I'm hearing is, you couldn't handle a life of crime?”
“I just couldn't handle it, I’m too soft.” Remus joked, taking a step forward, and looking down at Sirius’ lips. Sirius smiled as Remus leaned down to kiss him. He lifted his hands to Remus’ head, wrapping around the back of his neck, running his hand through his curls. He could never get sick of this, the feeling of having Remus so close, being held by him. He was not going to give it up easily.
***
“Oh my god! I didn't know it was going to be sad!” James cried, whipping his nose with the back of his sleeve. He was sitting beside Regulus, Sirius was studying with Remus and James had come to the dorm to keep Reg company. It was discovered that James had never seen Dead Poets Society, and it was Regulus’ sad, queer academic duty to show it to him.
“I told you it didn't have a happy ending.” Regulus protested. Their shoulders were touching, and he was so close to James that he could see the smudges on his glasses, his shockingly long, dark eyelashes, and the small tears falling down his cheeks. He was trying not to think about it, and it was proving to be exceedingly difficult. When James was in the room, he seemed to be the only thing Regulus could focus on.
“But I didn't know it was going to be like this!’ James continued to protest, waving his arms in front of the laptop screen. The movie was about to end, the devastating scene in the snow just coming to a close. Regulus thought it was devastating, but in a beautiful way, that it broke your heart but made you better for it. Maybe it was too much to show to James.
“I showed you the trigger warnings beforehand, I don't know how I could've been more clear without completely spoiling it,” Regulus remarked.
“I…” James started to speak but paused to focus on the film, mouth still hanging open mid-speak.
Regulus allowed him to finish the movie in all its glory, and by the end, James had stopped crying. And when the credits began to roll, he started to clap.
“Damn. I am changed forever.” He ran his hand through his hair and let out a large, shaky sigh. “I will not be able to stop thinking about this for days.’
“So - you liked it?” Regulus asked, slightly confused. He did not expect such a visceral reaction from James, though maybe he should've thought more about it. Showing a happy sunshine boy the most upsetting movie of his teens was bound to break him a little bit.
“I really did,” James replied, a smile returning to his tear-streaked face as he looked at Reg. “Neil and Todd were totally in love, weren't; they?” James looked up at him with his sad puppy dog eyes.
“Of course,” Regulus said, his stomach doing a little flip, unsure if it was because of the mention of one the first queer-coded relationships he saw in media or the fact that James was staring at him so intently.
“Oh my god. I have a brilliant idea.” James sat up. “We have to dress up as them for Halloween!’
“What?” Regulus said, taken aback by the drastic change in subject.
“Marlene always throws this Halloween party in the forest, everyone dresses up, it's the best. I've been trying to think of a costume for weeks, this is perfect.”
“I - uh, I don't think I’ll be here for Halloween.” It was still weeks away, and Regulus was planning to leave that weekend, and it had been difficult telling James as much as he was looking forward to going back to school and getting back on track, entirely away from his family. It had been such a lovely few days with him, even though he knew it wouldn't last, he just wanted to savour this precious untouched part of his life. James, with no judgmental family, no stress, just James, with his bright eyes and big heart.
“Oh right, well you’ll just have to come back and visit then.” James quirked a smile, Regulus had to resist the urge to run his hand through James' hair, brushing it out of his face. It had flopped down, long pieces of hair falling across his forehead, nearing dangerous eye-covering territory.
Then, Regulus did something he never would've thought to do.
He actually did it.
He reached out, slowly, taking the long hair between his fingers, bringing it up his head, running his hand all the way down, stopping to carefully cup the back of his head. James looked at him with wide eyes, mouth slightly open. They were directly facing each other, James just slightly shorter, head tilted up. Regulus didn't take his hand away from James, instead, he leaned forward. Unsure of where all the self-assuredness suddenly came from. Maybe running away from home gave him a new burst of confidence, a heaping dose of fuck-it energy. Or maybe it was that he just felt safe with James, and somehow he knew deep down how it was going to turn out. As James leaned forward to close the gap between their lips, Regulus was grateful to whatever possessed him to act so abruptly.
James kissed him so softly, his lips tasted sweet, and he could feel him smiling. His hand ran up Regulus’ chest, gripping onto his shirt to pull him closer, Regulus stayed with his hands in his hair, moving through, gripping tightly. James pushed into him, breath heavy, and regulus opened his mouth, an easy escalation. Regulus shifted slightly so he was straddled across James's lap, James' hand running up along his back. Their mouths only break apart for mere seconds, hurriedly finding each other again. Regulus felt so light dead, dizzy with all that James was giving him. He was so… and together they were… and everything was just…
perfect.
“HOLY FUCK!” A voice that was neither James; nor Regulus yelled, quickly followed by the loud sound of their door slamming
Sirius Black's loud witch cackle of a laugh could be heard from behind the door.
James and Regulus immediately jumped apart. Jame's hair was even messier, Regulus’ sweater stretched and hanging off his shoulder, both his faces flushed and lips swollen.
‘Fuck.’ Regulus whispered, hoping Sirius wouldn't be able to hear him.
‘Yeah.’ James agreed, out of breath.
“What do we do?’ Regulus panicked.
“Talk to him I guess?”
“Ok… but what if we didn't?’ Regulus, somewhat joking but not really at all. His brain playing all the million different reactions Sirius could have to this situation.
“He knows we’re here, Reg.”
“Maybe he’ll just go away if we’re really quiet.”
“I can hear you guys.” Sirius's sing-songy voice sounded again.
“Hey Sirius,” James said, just as Regulus mumbled a defeated shit under his breath.
“You seem to be enjoying yourselves in there - I space I share with you, by the way,” Sirius asked in a mock-offended tone. “What a lack of respect.”
“Uh - sorry?” Regulus responded half-heartedly.
“Well, what's done is done. I would appreciate a heads up next time, I do not ever need to see that again, thank you.” Sirius said in a slightly exaggerated tone, Regulus rolled his eyes, he was never going to hear the end of this. “But besides that, you know, I approve. Thought something might be going on, the tension between you two, even over facetime, my god. Glad you lads figured it out. I’ll be back before curfew, please, do continue.” And with a quick knock of his knuckles on the door, Sirius was gone.
“Well…” Regulus said, tapping his fingers against his leg. He didn’t know how to proceed. It was their first kiss, interrupted by this brother. How do you start a conversation after that?
“That was kind of awkward, huh?” James said a nervous grin plastered widely on his face.
“Yeah.. sorry.” Regulus braced himself for what could come next. James getting upset, angry, or scared. Yelling at him, or awkwardly leaving and never speaking to him again. Instead, James
moved closer to him, and rested his hand on his leg.
“Don’t apologize,” James said, soft and slow, he didn't wait for a reply from Regulus before he kissed him again. And oh, it was just as good as the first time. Sugary sweet like an ice lolly on a hot day, quenching a deep thirst Regulus didn't even realize he had. James cupped the sides of his face, fingers playing with his curls. James pulled away after a minute, their noses still touching, foreheads resting against each other. He smiled and Regulus had to laugh at the pure absurdity of it all. How did he end up here, kissing a wonderfully silly, beautiful boy, hiding in his brother's dorm? When just a few weeks ago he was alone in a joyless house, afraid to even speak?
‘What is it?’ James asked, still smiling, still holding him.
“Nothing, it's just…” Regulus started keeping his voice quiet as if James might not be able to hear him, “I didn't think I could have this.”
James kissed him again. Softer than before, gently, as if Regulus was so fragile that he could knock him over with just his lips, which if he was being completely honest, was probably true. Regulus felt like an exposed wire, raw and electric.
“You can have all of this,” James replied, forehead against his own. "It's already yours.”
That sent Reg over the edge, he wrapped his arms around James and held tightly, his face buried in his sweater, it smelt like the rugby pitch, fresh grass, and oranges. James gave a comforting squeeze, and Regulus relaxed in his arms.
This was his, James wasn't going anywhere. Regulus knew he was going to have to hear that a few more times before he could fully believe it to be true.
This was his
This was his
This was his
***
marlene created group: james, lily, dorcas, mary, sirius, regulus, remus
marlene named group: cool people
marlene: alright everyone, i have summoned you all here for the very important topic of halloween costumes
mary: AHH YESS
dorcas: FUCKING LOVE HALLOWEEN
james: WOO HOOOO
marlene: love to see the enthusiasm,
ok now straight to business
what is everyone dressing up as?
we cannot have any doubles
we all must be original and cool
james: reg and i are going as neil and todd from dps!!!
regulus: if i can make it
sirius: aw perfect costume guyssss
regulus: >:(
marlene: great, next!
lily: mary and i are going as edward and bella (book accurate version)
i already thrifted a long denim skirt
remus: oh my god that's hilarious
mary: its going to be iconic
marlene: love that,
remus? sirius? couple costumes for you as well?
remus: i actually haven't thought about it
sirius: i was just told about the party so i have no ideas
marlene: omg dorcas we can use them!!
dorcas: oh thats so perfect!!
remus: umm
sirius: what?
marlene: do you want to do a group costume with us???
dorcas: we've been wanting to do the scooby gang and you two beautiful people are the two final pieces to the puzzle
remus: sure, if you want to sirius
sirius: fuck yeah!
james: i love this for you guys
marlene: then its settled!! dorcas has practically all the necessary costume pieces all ready to go
dorcas: ive been waiting for this moment
sirius: ok, but that leaves the most important question - who will be who?
marlene: oh we already know
remus: you do?? you arent going to consult us first??
dorcas: nope
marlene: you will receive your costume and then, and only then, will you have your answer.
remus; damn, ok
sirius: im into the mystery, very spooky of you
marlene: alright everyone, now that we know there will be no duplicate costumes, ill see you all at lunch
disperse!!
james: bye everyone!
***
Sirius stood at the train platform. Regulus’ bag in his hand.
It was finally time to say goodbye.
He was being dramatic about it, he would see him soon, and he’ll be easier to access now that his mother isn't anywhere near him. But he still enjoyed having him around, his room was less quiet, more lively. It felt like they finally could enjoy being brothers, outside of that house, they could finally just have fun together. He was going to miss it. He was going to miss Reg.
Regulus came back from the booth with a ticket in hand.
“The train should be here any minute,” He said, looking down at his hands. Sirius couldn't help but laugh.
“So are we just not going to talk it out?’
“About what?” Regulus asked, feigning confusion.
“What I walked in on you doing yesterday, I remember a certain dark hair, glasses-wearing individual…” Sirius teased but was quickly cut off by a frowning Reg.
‘Nope, shut up.’ He was trying to keep a straight face but his face was turning slightly red.
‘Oh come on, it was funny!” Sirius tried to hold back his laughter.
“No. It was embarrassing, please never bring this up ever again.” Regulus hid his face in his face, his voice muffled.
“Oh no way, you traumatized me, I'm not going to let you forget that easily,” Sirius smirked. As much as the teasing was, he was happy for Reg. He seemed smitten and had seen James humming love songs during class that day so he assumed the feeling was mutual. He wanted Regulus to know it was ok, all that shit they grew up with, sometimes it was hard to fully feel comfortable with yourself. He wanted it to be normal, funny that Regulus ended up snogging his friend, and not a big deal that he happened to be a boy.
“So are you two dating?” Sirius questioned.
“I don't know, I've been kind of preoccupied.” Regulus rolled his eyes, getting to the situation around them.
“Fair enough.” Sirius smiled, just as the train pulled into the station. Regulus picked up his bag, made heavier by all the books and jumpers and chocolate given to him by all his friends.
“Let me know as soon as you are there. I need constant updates.” Sirius demanded. Regulus nodded his head in agreement. He was about to continue his list of tasks, but instead, we were enveloped in the fiercest hug by Reg.
“Thank you, for everything,” Regulus said into his shoulder, as he tightened his grip around him.
“I'm going to miss you,” Sirius said as Regulus pulled away, starting to step on the train,
“I'm going to miss you too,” Regulus said, smiling weakly. “Love you.”
“Love you,” Sirius replied as Regulus waved and disappeared into the train car. He tried to stop the tears, but he found his cheeks already wet. He saw Regulus take a seat by the window and waved back to him as the train pulled away, and soon enough, he was alone again. The station was empty, except for him, everything was silent, except the breeze through the trees.
***
four new messages from: marlene
heyyy sirius
just have one question for you,
definitely, completely unrelated to halloween but
how comfortable are you wearing a skirt?