Chapter 12
It was fairly easy for Sirius to just leave the school. He didn't have any classes, and technically they weren’t forced to stay on campus, there just wasn't anything around to go so most of the students stayed around anyway. The train station was relatively close, it being one of the main ways the students get to the school. He sat on the bench, still on the phone with Reg, and waited for his arrival.
“I”m here,” Regulus said, his voice horse from sleep. He hung up before Sirius could respond, and he soon saw him stepping onto the platform.
Sirius stood still, in slight shock. He’d seen his brother recently, over facetime and in pictures, but in person felt different. He seemed so small. His large sweater, bagging around his wrists and handing off his frame. Dark circles under his eyes, the tension in his eyebrows. He stood frozen, taking him all in. Reg adjusted the strap of his backpack, pulling it up higher on his shoulder, and it brought Sirius back. Reg was right there. Standing in front of him, anxiously standing in the middle of the train station platform. Sirius ran up to him, immediately embracing him, pulling him close and squeezing maybe a little too hard. They stayed like that for a long time, and Sirius felt close to tears.
“I’m sorry.” Regulus croaked out, his voice muffled in Sirius’ shoulder. Sirius pulled away, arms outstretched, hands still on Regulus's arms.
“No, enough of that. Are you ok? Are you hurt?” Sirius realized he didn't know any details about what had happened, and that he probably should've asked these questions sooner. It didn't feel right though, over the phone, when he couldn't see Regulus, or hold him in his arms.
“I’m…” Regulus trailed off and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I’m fine. Nothing broken.” He concluded, with a weak smile. Sirius frowned. He fucking hated his fucking parents. He knew that when he was living there, but you tell yourself things to make it bearable, now that he was out, for the most part, he could see how truly messed up everything was. How far from normal and healthy his family was.
“Let’s go,” Sirius said, taking Regulus’ school bag from his arm and leading him out of the station. His bag was surprisingly light, with no heavy school books or laptop, like he quickly dumped out all its contents and just stuffed it with clothes.
Regulus was technically not allowed to stay on campus. Sirius wasn’t sure what the visitor policy was, but he was pretty sure Regulus staying in his dorm for multiple days during a fully functional school week was against some sort of rule. It was getting late in the day but not so late that teachers were patrolling for curfew. They quickly walked back to Sirius’ room, trying to act as normal and casual as possible.
Thankfully they didn't run into anybody that could've caused a problem, and when Sirius closed the door to his dorm he let out a sigh of relief. Reg sat down on his bed, chest heaving slightly. Sirius realized he was crying. Small choked sobs, his breath hitching, but not making any real sound.
Sirius' heart shattered.
He walked over and sat beside Regulus, not initiating any close contact, knowing he doesn’t like it all the time. After a few moments though, Regulus collapsed into him, sobbing into his chest and gripping tightly around his arms. Sirius held him, feeling out of his depth but also relieved that Reg was finally with him, safe.
Sirius thought about how long Regulus had been holding in everything, stuffing down all his feelings. He held on tightly and let Regulus cry.
After a while, Regulus slowly pulled away, sniffling and rubbing his face with his sleeve.
“You don't have to tell me…” Sirius started, keeping his voice a soft whisper, carefully treading around his words, trying to not accidentally make things worse. “But - what happened?”
Regulus let out a shaky breath and a quick panic struck Sirius.
“You don't have to say anything if you don't want to.” Sirius quickly blurted. “But… maybe it could help?”
Regulus sat quietly for a moment, and Sirius expected he wasn't ever going to reply.
“Once you left…” Regulus spoke, his voice so quiet Sirius could almost not hear him. “They didn't necessarily change anything they were doing but it felt worse. They were gone quite a bit, which was nice, but anytime they were at home it was constant judgment, beratement. I literally just stayed quiet the whole time and they still found things to disapprove of. If they didn't, they would go on talking about you.”
Sirius’ was slowly crumbling, leaving Reg was a guilt that had been eating him alive, now it felt all-consuming. Imagining him in that house all alone, scared to even speak.
“It was just so tiring. Hiding all the time.” Sirius tightened his grip around Regulus, pulling him in closer, hoping if he held on long enough he would never be able to leave his arms. “They started having more people over too, dinner parties and fucking tea. This guy who is on his way to being an MP, and some of the stuff they talked about… having that man in parliament would be truly awful.”
Sirius's heart sank. His parents' politics were hurtful to listen to on a good day when you could escape to the internet and watch a movie centering around queer joy and eat cake.
“At first I would just leave, walk around town or stay in my room… but mother started to insist I attend too. Listen to the future, the family legacy, and whatever bullshit. One night, they were talking really vile, awful stuff and I just couldn’t take it anymore. It was all about me, and you, the queers getting too comfortable here and just…” Regulus' breath hitched and he shook his head as if to try and remove the memory. “I knew it wasn’t safe for me to say anything, but I just left. I was originally just going to have a walk, and have a break, but they were mad. Mother was furious that I just left in a way that was rude and unbefitting, and father got even angrier when I didn’t just shut up and let them yell at me. I didn’t even say that much, I guess it was considered a bit tough since I’d barely spoken a few words to them all month. Anyway… it was late and they’d been drinking and around their ‘friends’ all and… you know how they get.”
Sirius nodded, he knew all too well.
“I just knew I couldn’t fly under the radar anymore. I got all worked up and couldn’t think about anything except leaving. Eventually, I found myself on a train on my way to you.”
Regulus sighed, and ran his hands through his hair. He looked drained like it took every last ounce of energy he had to relive all of that again - it probably did. Regulus sagged back into him.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Sirius said and Regulus tightened his grip around him.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do now.” Regulus choked out, and Sirius didn’t know how to answer that, because he didn’t know either.
***
Regulus slept in the other bed in his dorm, wrapped in multiple knit blankets, courteous of Dorcas. Sirius had snuck out to Remus’ dorm briefly explaining what happened in a hushed whisper, he had a nice stack of Dorcas’ creations and gladly gave them over to Sirius. Remus softly kissed the top of his head before Sirius returned to his room.
Reg woke up in the afternoon, obviously needing to catch up on sleep. He stayed pretty quiet most of the day, sitting crossed-legged in bed with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He went through Sirius's small collection of books and started reading one that caught his eye.
Suddenly there was a quick knock on the door and before Sirius could get up to open it, James barged in.
“Sirius hey I -“
He stopped mid-sentence, his head quickly turning to Regulus. A massive grin spread on his face though quickly went away as he continued to stare. Obviously realizing that Regulus, with frizzy bedhead and heavy under-eye bags, was not causally hiding out in Sirius’ dorm for fun. His gaze shifted between the two brothers frantically, Sirius could see him putting everything together, running through every possibility in his head.
“Is uh - is everything ok?”
Regulus started up at him in awe and did not respond.
“Yep, Reg is just going to be staying with me for a while,” Sirius replied with a polite smile, desperately hoping James was the kind of person he thought he was and wasn’t going to expose Regulus to the headmaster.
James’ eyebrows furrowed in concern and he bit on his bottom lip.
“Ok, I’ll be back.’
And just as quickly as he arrived James left the room. He did not return until a few minutes later, slightly out of breath, carrying a massive duffel bag with the school rugby team logo embroidered on it.
“I, uh, realize I probably should've explained myself more…’ James dropped the bag on the floor, nervously running his hands through his hair. “I just assumed Reg wouldn’t be leaving the room that much, so I, uh, brought supplies.’ James smiled and started packing things. Regulus stared, eyebrows raised in shock.
“I bought lots of snacks; crisps, so much chocolate… Remus has a stash he thinks I don't know about - uh, more blankets and some books, some are my favourites, others are Remus’ recommendation.” James looked at Regulus and looked almost shy, Sirius didn't think he’d ever seen him like this. Unsure of himself, nervous.
“Thanks,” Regulus whispered, smiling softly. It was the first thing he’d said to James, who did not hide his surprise, his mouth stayed open slightly, and it took him a full few seconds to come back to himself.
“Of course.” He managed to say, his voice croaked out in a half-whisper.
“You want to watch a movie?” Sirius suggested, trying to get these two idiots to stop gawking at each other.
“You don't mind if I stay?” James responded, still looking at Regulus.
“Please stay,” Regulus said, looking directly at James.
‘Yeah ok.” Sirius stood up to find his laptop on his desk, not enjoying being in the middle of whatever intense staring contest was going on between them.
They ended up putting on a movie, all together on what was now Reg’s bed. Regulus fell asleep on James’ shoulder before the main plot was even introduced. James seemed to be in pure agony when he carefully slid himself away from underneath Reg, Sirius whispered a grateful thanks before James left for the night.
Sirius was a bit unsure about how his time with Regulus would go. He was worried for his brother, worried that he’ll make things worse. He wasn’t sure how long they’d get away with him being here, or where he would go when he couldn’t stay anymore. The thought of Reg going back to his parents made him sick. As he was sending himself into a nervous spiral, his phone flashed with a message from James.
hi!
just wanted to talk about meals
meals?
yeah since reg is staying in your room
i'm assuming he’s not transferring here so he probably shouldn’t be seen in the dining hall
oh yeah
right
i'm thinking we can compare our schedules so that at least one of us will have the time to deliver meals in between classes
that’s a good idea
thanks
i figure if we join forces we’ll be able to successfully sneak food out
i think so too
and hey
i don’t want to assume anything…
but i don’t think reg is just here for a happy visit
so if there’s anything else you need, anything
please let me know
yeah
to understate it - our parents suck
so reg might be hiding here for a while
thanks james
i really appreciate it
of course
have a good night :)
you too :)
***
hi reggie :))))
do people call you reggie?
or just reg?
i am a personal fan of both
hi james
only sirius calls me anything besides regulus
and me now too!!
and you now too
so uh -
are you doing ok?
um
not really
but
i think i will be
well i'll be here
either way
thanks james
sorry for today
what do you have to be sorry for?
i didn’t want the first time we met to be like this
a surprise runaway hiding in my brothers' dorm
don’t apologize for that
it’s not how i pictured it, but i liked seeing you
what did you picture
well…
i would’ve probably met you in the city
you’d show me your favourite shops
we’d get coffee
maybe go to a farmers' market
that sounds
really nice
movies and lots of snacks are really nice too
yeah
let’s still do that other one too alright?
i'd like that
good night reggie
goodnight james