Chapter 10
Mary was trying not to stare at Lily.
They were studying together, in the library, like they usually do. Lily was bitting on her lip in concertation, subconsciously playing with the ends of her hair, and Mary couldn’t take her eyes off of her. She tried to focus on her homework, they were supposed to be writing a five thousand-word essay, but Mary hadn’t even finished the introduction.
This was not a platonic reaction, Mary knows. But what else was she supposed to do than painfully pine away? It's not like this was some random person at a party or a friend of a friend she could go on one date with and then never see again. This was Lily fucking Evans. One of her closest, most trusted friends.
“Marlene and Dorcas are going to some pub in town this weekend,” Lily said, looking up from her homework. God, those eyes, kill Mary every time. She knew that green was technically considered a cool color, she’s taken enough art classes to know that basic. But nothing about Lily's eyes was cold. They were the warmest, softest green she’d ever experienced. In some places, they were dark like the middle of a forest, and in others, light like the grass when the sun hits it.
It was then Mary realized she’d been staring at Lily’s eyes for over a minute and had completely forgotten what Lily was saying.
“I’m sorry what?” Mary smiled anxiously.
“Marlene and Dorcas. There's some local band playing at a pub in town. Town being the small excuse for a destination almost an hour away.”
“Oh right, Marlene had mentioned something about that.” Marlene gifted with her pencil, twirling it between her fingers.
“I know they were planning to go as like a date but I was thinking, maybe we could crash?” Lily smirked and Mary felt like butterflies were eating her insides. She was practically asking her out on a double date? Except, the idea of crashing does not imply that. Maybe because she's so disgusted by the idea of dating Mary? Or she's too nervous to properly ask her out? Or, the more realistic option, she not thinking about Mary like that at all and just wanted to have some fun with her friends.
Mary agreed to the plan, the butterflies turning into a sinking brick of disappointment. There were moments like those where she let her mind wander, hopeful of the idea that Lily might like her back. But as quickly as they come, Lily pulls away or says something, and the idea is squashed.
They finished their homework and the rest of the day was relatively normal, Mary trying desperately to get excited about a night out with her friends and not feel totally crushed at the fact that her best friend will never like her back.
Lily had said they were going to ‘crash’, but of course, she had asked Marlene and Dorcas if it was alright if they came along. Lily had come over to get ready with Mary, all their potential outfits were strewn together on her bed.
“You’d look so good in this,” Mary said holding up one of her dresses, it was a tighter fit, a dark purple with long bell sleeves. “Like a hot witch.”
Lily held up the dress to herself in the mirror, and Mary didn't miss the faint red in her cheeks.
“Oh, I do like this color.” Lily smiled at her reflection.
“You should totally wear it.” Mary encouraged.
“But then what are you going to wear?”
Mary smiled and walked to the bed, pulling out a simple sleek, dark red dress and after some rummaging, she found her small black suit vest. It was one of her favorite outfits, she felt powerful. Lily's mouth hung slightly open and Mary felt a bit smug. Maybe she was reading into things… but maybe she had more of a chance than she originally thought.
They met Marlene and Dorcas at the front of the school and they walked to the train station together. There was one small stop just outside the school, and then nothing but forest for miles. The town they visited was the closest, and it was still a far way away from the school. Marlene was all decked out in her platform boots with a thousand little silver buckles, smokey eyeliner, and leather. Dorcas in earth tones and flowy fabric, passing a cigarette between their lips. They were the strangest, cutest pair.
They walked into a little hole-in-the-wall pub and the band was already playing. The lightning was dark and the floors were sticky, but there was a decent crowd. Lily had already gone over to the bar to get drinks while they found a little table off to the side. The music was loud, bass pounding off the walls, some indie cover band - not the worst but not the best. Mary’s favorite part of the whole thing was after a couple of drinks when Lily stood up and started swaying to the music. She saw that Mary was looking at her and grabbed her hands, pulling her off the seat. Their hands stayed together as they danced, moving tipsily, spinning each other around, and giggling. There was a moment when Lily stumbled forward, and Mary steadied her in her arms. Lily was a few inches shorter than Mary, and when she looked up at her, she was staring at Mary’s lips. She could've sworn she was about to lean in - Mary was even considering doing it herself - before Lily pulled away and started dancing again.
Mary went back to their table and Marlene and Dorcas were wrapped up in each other. Dorcas whispered something into Marlene’s ear, Marlene laughing into her shoulder. She felt bad interrupting them, but Lily had left to find the loo and Mary was just not in the mood to dance without her.
“Haven't seen you practically all night!” Marlene said, leaning over the table, voice loud, trying to speak over the music.
“Yeah some of us actually came here for the music and not just to snog our girlfriends.” Mary teased.
“Oh well, I'm not too sure about that.” Dorcas winked knowingly.
“So what's that supposed to mean?” Mary looked down at her glass, the condensation was getting her hands wet.
“I think you know.” Marlene smiled and nodded behind Mary, where Lily was walking over to her table.
“You could say something you know. The feeling is mutual.” Dorcas said cryptically before taking a sip of her drink and grabbing Marlene's hand. “Come on love, I'm just the right amount of drunk that I want to dance to this song.”
Lily came and took their spots at the table across from her, holding a new drink. She smiled shyly and took a sip, avoiding Mary’s eyes. Suddenly, the room was too small, sweaty, and loud.
“God I can't breathe in here. Want to come outside with me?” Mary asked already standing up. Lily nodded and followed her out of the building. Their hands found each other as they weaved through the crowd.
As soon as they opened the door, the cold crisp night air was a welcomed relief. Mary took a deep breath and leaned against the side of the building, Lily’s hand still in her own. Lily was standing in front of her, looking with those eyes that make Mary think that sometimes they could be more.
“What?” Mary asked
“What?” Lily seemed to awake out of a daze.
“You were staring.”
“Oh, I guess I was.” Lily smiled airily and stepped forward, resting one hand against the wall next to Mary’s head, smiling up at her lips. Mary froze, her breath caught in her throat. Lily tilted her head, eyebrows furrowed together in question, asking, and Mary nodded. She barely had the time to bring her head back up before Lily let go of her hand and wrapped her arm around her waist, pulling her close, and kissed her. Mary thought she must be dreaming because only in her make-believe fantasy could Lily Evans be kissing her pinned up against a wall. But then Lily deepened the kiss and brought her hand to the side of Mary’s neck, and she knew she couldn't have even made that up.
Mary felt like she was floating, like a bubble just going higher and higher, with no end in sight. She was kissing her best friend, her best friend was kissing her, and maybe that could fuck everything up, but at that moment, everything was absolutely perfect.
***
Regulus was having a day. His parents finally got home from wherever the fuck they visited for the past week, and he felt like he was constantly being watched. It was suffocating, your every move scrutinized and picked apart. He hated his parents, but it was all he had. With Sirius gone it was even worse. Being alone with them. Without the comfort and escape of Sirius - it was that much harder to deal with.
So he walks. Walks around the streets of London with no destination in mind except the fact that he is determined to spend as little time as possible in that house. He throws on his most brooding black trenchcoat and puts on his large round headphones to scare away any human interaction, and he walks to the park. Or the shops. Or the river. Or the library. He fucking hates that this is what his life is - stuck roaming the streets of London alone. But it's better than the alternative.
That morning he tried to call Sirius and tried not to be too bitter when he didn't answer. Even though it was the weekend and they had kept missing each other all week. He probably had schoolwork. Or was hanging out with his new friends. He tried to ignore the sting of jealousy in his chest when he thought of Sirius having fun without him, being free, and leaving him behind. He knows it wasn’t his choice, but it still hurt.
He was sitting on a bench in some park, watching an old lady feed a bunch of ducks when his phone started to buzz in his pocket. No one calls him, being naturally quiet and closed off resulted in no one bothering to talk to him at school, his only real friend ever being Sirius. Thinking Sirius finally saw his missed call from that morning, Regulus took out his phone to answer. He was surprised to find not Sirius's name on the screen, but James'.
James. James, who loves ice cream so much that he hides a fridge in his closet. Who had a water gun fight over facetime with him. The friendliest, bounciest, most sunshine person he has ever met. Regulus felt like a grey rain cloud in comparison.
‘Hello?” Regulus answered, slightly cautious. James hadn’t called him before and his brain immediately went to all the things that could have gone wrong. Mostly every single one involved something terrible with Sirius.
“Hi! Reg!” James’s voice echoed from his phone, Regulus could hear him smiling. He couldn’t help the tinge of heat going to his cheeks at the sound of James calling him Reg. Something about it made his heart flutter. It was fucking embarrassing.
“Hello James, is everything alright?” Regulus asked trying to keep his voice steady.
“Yeah! Why wouldn't it be?”
“Well you're calling me, you haven't called me before.”
“Oh. I guess your right.” There was a slightly awkward pause before James continued, “Well I just wanted to talk to you, is - is that not ok?” His voice was softer now, more unsure. Regulus’ felt all wobbly.
“Yeah of course it's fine. What are you up to today?” Regulus tried to lighten the mood. He wouldn't know how to navigate a normal friendship, trying to figure out how to be friends with a boy he had a disgusting crush on was proving to be very fucking complicated.
“You know, nothing much. I have five assignments I need to get done all laid out in front of me and I haven't started a single one.”
“That seems very responsible.” Regulus scoffed.
“I have more important things to do,” James said, Regulus could practically hear him smiling. “So, where are you?” James continued.
“Just in the city. On a bench in a park currently.”
“Oh nice, I have some family in London. I've been there loads.” Regulus imagined James in London. He could see him feeding the ducks and falling in love with every single dog in the park. Regulus tried to push that dream out of his head, it made him feel too lonely.
“Do you have any spots you’d recommend?” Reg asked.
“Well, I’d have to say this shelter that lets you visit with all the animals. You might leave with a few of them but it's so adorable.’
“I would definitely leave with an animal. Which would be a terrible idea. So thanks for letting me know where I’ll be avoiding.”
“Ok ok, my second favourite is a paintball place.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Reg laughed, trying to imagine himself playing paintball and failing miserably.
“I have a lot of cousins! We always have a great time!”
“You go and visit your beloved family and spend the day shooting hard balls of paint at each other?”
“They’re not that hard, and you wear protective gear. My cousins are a variety of ages, this is like the only thing we can all kind of do together. But I get it, might not really be your thing.’
“You are right about that. I am doing this alone, so preferably an activity where I won't look like a total loser doing it by myself.”
“Fair enough. Ok, final answer is a farmer's market. The perfect weekend activity. Socially acceptable to go alone. And you get some wonderfully fresh local produce.”
“That actually doesn't sound awful,” Reg said reluctantly.
‘There you go! I can send you the location of my favourite one. My mum is big on cooking and finding quality stuff. We always go to one when we visit London.”
“That… that sounds really lovely,” Regulus said slightly caught off guard by the love and admiration in James’ voice.
“It is. Can you take me along? I would love to shop for veggies with you. Unless you want to have the rest of your day actually by yourself.”
‘No no, you - you can come too.” Regulus smiled the goofiest grin that he only allowed himself to do because James couldn’t see him through the phone.
“Great, because I know all the tricks to find the best stuff.”
“Well, I'm glad to have your assistance.’
“You should be, and for free too, normally I charge a premium.” James joked.
‘Oh, how did I get so lucky.” Reg said, sarcasm thick in his tone.
James laughed and Regulus went weak in the knees. Embarrassing.
James Potter was going to be the death of him.