Chapter 9
i have just been informed you don't like ice cream?
reg
how are you a real person
can confirm i am real and despise ice cream
how did you discover this top secret information
unbelievable
and sirius told me
i have a man on the inside
so sirius is just sharing facts about me now?
well not exactly
i told him about the mini refrigerator i have hidden in my closet
so it came up naturally in conversation
um
what the fuck
the craving for ice cream does not know the bounds of time
when the kitchens are closed and i want a tasty cool sweet treat,
i go to my closet
thats
kind of genius
not that approve of the choice of filling
still do not understand
is it a lactose-free thing?
are you vegan?
bc dairy free ice cream exists
and its a beautiful thing
no
i just simply don't like it
amazing
sure
***
Sirius sat next to James, his hands starting to freeze as he held a container of ice cream, eating straight from it with a spoon (James keeps a whole box of plastic spoons under his bed - which Sirius found hilarious). James had originally invited him over to his dorm to study but now they had finished all their assignments and were now sitting on the floor, watching The Great British Bake Off on James’ laptop, in a makeshift fort of blankets and pillows. James was smiling down at his phone, and Sirius knew he was messaging his brother. The thought made him oddly happy - overprotective and annoyed - but also excited for his brother at having the literal embodiment of sunshine in his life too.
Sirius was still slightly in awe of the amount of stuff crammed into James’ and Remus’ shared space. Rugby posters, deep marron bedding, and endless weird little nick knacks covered James' side of the room. A small porcelain pig, a red vintage-looking toy car, and a stuffed frog all occupied the same shelf. Remus had soft white sheets, paperback books stacked on the floor, posters of musicians, and pictures of his friends artfully placed on his wall. The mess seemed to be contained to his desk, which was covered in paper, sticky notes with frantically scribbled reminders stuck on every surface, and drawers packed so tightly they couldn’t even close properly. The famous record player sat proudly in between both spaces. He found it all very endearing, and he felt a tug on his heart at the thought of Remus. It had been less than a day, but the kiss had been playing on a constant loop in his head. All he’d been able to think about was Remus; his lips, his hands, his smile… and when he would be able to see him, touch him, kiss him, again.
As if he willed it into fruition, the door opened and Remus walked in, bag slung over one shoulder, sweater bagging around his wrists, and curls sticking up in every direction. His face was slightly flushed and his mouth parted open slightly in surprise as he saw Sirius on the floor with James. Sirius couldn't help but stare at his lips.
“Oh. Hello.” Remus said as he dropped his bag at the door.
“Hey, Remus. How was the study group?” James asked smiling.
“Fucking tiring. We went half an hour over the scheduled time. McGonagall’s class is no joke.”
Remus ran his hands threw his hair and walked over to his closet. He pulled off his sweater, the shirt underneath riding up so that his stomach was exposed. Sirius felt his face go hot.
“Sounds brutal. We’re watching Bake Off if you want to join.” James moved away from Sirius, patting a pillow in between them.
“‘Sure. Is it bread week?” Remus asked as he sat between James and Sirius, he crossed his legs, and Sirius noticed his socks had little flowers on them.
“Nah, pastry.”
“Ah probably for the best, I always get so hungry after watching a bread week episode.” Remus took a spoon from the bag they had brought out and left on the floor.
They turned their attention back to the show, James continuing to glance at his phone every so often.
Remus knocked shoulders with Sirius and leaned in close to his ear. “Hello.” He kept his voice low and quiet that if he wasn’t speaking directly into his ear, Sirius wouldn't have been able to hear him.
“Hi,” Sirius whispered back, breathless.
“Didn't know you were going to be here.”
“Needed help with assignments, James and I are in the same class.”
“You're studying with another. The betrayal.” Remus feigned offense, dramatically holding his hand to his chest, all while maintaining very close proximity to Sirius.
“I’m sorry you had to find out this way. I never wanted to hurt you.” Sirius joked, leaning in closer. Their lips were seconds apart, Remus bit down on his lip and it took everything in Sirius not to kiss him right there. Though James being in the room and making commentary on the baking show playing in the background was not helping the mood. Sirius’ gaze shifted to James, who has excitedly cheering on his favorite baker.
Sirius pulled away from Remus and leaned back on the pillow behind him. Remus let out a deep sigh, arms falling at his side. Remus without a sweater or uniform was a sight to behold. In deep green corduroys worn at the knees, and a plain white t-shirt, his arms were fully exposed. Covered in freckles and thin white scars poking out from the sleeve. Sirius felt as though he could just look at Remus forever. Learn every inch of him, constantly finding new things to adore. Sirius wanted to count every freckle, trace him with his tongue, and know what it feels like to be wrapped in Remus Lupins’ arms.
Making sure James was oblivious and focused only on the program, Sirius let his hand fall in the space between him and Remus. Remus noticed his, and shifted his hand, moving so that their pinkies were touching. Slowly, unassuredly, their hands intertwined, first the pinkies twisting together, then Remus's hands slowly overlapping his own. Remus’s hands were larger than his, his fingers long and slender, but they fit. Perfectly interlocking. It was a small touch, much tamer than what Sirius truly wanted to do, but it was enough.
Their hands were mostly covered by a blanket, which provided a sense of secrecy and their own little bubble. Sirius wasn’t sure how public Remus was about anything, if he was out, out to James, convertible in his sexuality.
Probably things he should've known before snogging the man but, oh well.
After almost another full episode, James had fallen asleep. His glasses slid down his nose, his head rolled to the side, mouth hanging open. Everything indicated he was long gone.
Sirius was still holding hands with Remus, who had started tracing little circles on the top of the hand. He felt so immensely calm. Wrapped in a warm blanket of security and comfort. He moved closer to Remus and rested his head on his shoulder. He smelt soft, warm like chocolate, and fresh like rain. Sirius wanted to sink into this moment, wrap himself around Remus and never let go.
Remus turned his head and pressed a soft kiss to his head.
Sirius melted into the floor.
He looked up and smiled, Remus's forest green eyes staring back at him, a soft smile tugging at his lips. Sirius pressed a light kiss to Remus's lips. It was brief, but when Sirius pulled away, Remus's eyes fluttered open and he smiled. He reached out and bunched Sirius's shirt in his hands, gently pulling him back by the chest and continuing the kiss. They lingered for longer, lips sliding smoothly, moments still hesitant, slow and quiet. Sirius moved away from Remus's mouth and kissed his jaw, hands gripping his hair tightly. Sirius moved up to Remus's ear, cupping the side of his neck. “Want to get out of here?” He whispered in Remus’ ear. Remus shivered and nodded. Carefully grabbing Sirius's hand and quietly leading him out of his room.
They found themselves at Sirius dorm and wasted no time. Remus took Sirius by the shirt and pushed him up at the door, shutting it with a thud. Their bodies pressed up against each other, Remus’s eyes gazing hungrily at Sirius's lips. Remus kissed his collarbone, slowly releasing his lips and finding his throat, moving to his neck. Remus took his time, every second filled with excruciating pleasure. Sirus wrapped his hands around Remus's waist. Traveling his back, finding his shoulders, exploring every crease, every angle. Remus finally reached his lips, lingering over his mouth and smirking at Sirius. Sirius reached out, grabbed Remus’s face in both of his hands, and crashed their lips together.
He felt wired, buzzing with energy, electricity crackling between them. It felt faster, more desperate than in Remus's room. All fast movements, heavy breath, and tongue. They were alone now, allowing all their desire for each other to bubble to the surface, revealing itself at full force.
They tumbled onto Sirius's bed. Sirius fell backward, Remus clambering on top of him. His hands were on either side of his head, Remus looked down at him, grinning. Hair falling around in face in a beautiful golden halo. Sirius moved up, gripping the hair at the back of Remus's head and pulling him down so their lips met again. Their breath was heavy and hot, light moans and gasps escaping every so often, both of them acutely aware of the thin walls. Sirius’s tongue flicked over teeth, mouth moving down to Remu's bottom lip. He but down lightly, tugging his lip down before separating. Threading his fingers through Remus’ hair and exploring all the places he could touch. Jaw, neck, cheek, chest, always returning to his lips. Sirius could get lost in Remus. He could spend years memorizing every line, every bend, every breath and it would still never be enough,
Everything around him blurred, time lost all meaning, and all that was in focus was Remus. After what felt like five minutes or five hours, they naturally pulled apart. Remus whispered, panting, “As much as I want to… maybe we take this slow?” Sirius placed a quick kiss on his nose and nodded in agreement. There was still so much to learn to about each other and they had all the time in the world.
Remus fell next to Sirius and wrapped his arms around him, pulling Sirius into his side. Sirius laid his head on his chest, feeling it move up and down with every breath, heart beating fast.
Remus’s started playing with his hair and Sirius softened at the touch.
“I’m so glad I can finally do this,” Remus said, voice still soft, quiet.
Sirius laughed breathlessly. “Yeah, glad I don’t have a roommate. James, the accidental cockblocker.”
Remus chuckled, shaking under Sirius.
“James is terminally oblivious.” Remus joked. “ But I mean, I’ve wanted to do this for a long time.” Remus gestured his free hand between the two of them to emphasize the point.
“This?” Sirius knew what he was talking about, he just wanted Remus to talk about it more.
“You, me, us. Whatever we’ve started doing. It was painful, not talking to you, pretending everything wasn’t going to shit.”
“It hurt me too,” Sirius said and turned his head to smile up at Remus. “I’m glad we’re doing this.” Remus’ hand was still twirling his hair and gently messaging his head. Sirius took his free hand and pressed his lips to his knuckles. Their hands stayed together, resting on Remus’ chest.
“But um - what exactly is this? Sirius asked, nerves reaching his voice at the end, words coming out shaky and small. “Like do you need to keep it a secret? Do you want to be like, exclusive?”
“Oh, um, we don’t need to be super secret about anything. All my friends know I’m bi, so it won't be like, a shock for anyone.”
“Ok cool.” Sirius breathed deeply, he knew he needed to have this conversation with Remus but something in the back of his head kept telling him that Remus would leave as soon as he did.
“So, I don't know how much you know about my family, but my gayness has been a problem in the past - kind of why I'm here, funnily enough. And I like don't want to hide, but they can't really know so…”
“I don't know anything, I mean I know you said this school wasn’t your first choice but, yeah that's it.”
“Ah well, my parents aren’t like famous or anything but they are rich and heavily involved in politics and stuff, so sometimes the papers write about them. They’re pretty open about being homophobic arseholes, and when someone took a picture of me dancing with this guy at a queer bar, it was all a little too gay for them, and the press had a field day.”
“Oh shit,” Remus said, it came out soft in a breath, all one word.
“Yeah, I don't think anyone really knows about it here, but we’d just have to be a little careful.”
“I completely understand.”
Sirius smiled, the heavy weight on his chest slightly lifting, and tightened his grip on Remus's hand.
“I don't want to like, hide. You could tell you’re friends - if you want to, and we don't have to worry about being seen with each other, but I think PDA needs to be kept to a minimum.”
“Damn, there goes my grand plan of snogging you on the breakfast table tomorrow.” Remus teased.
“Shut up, you know what I mean,” Sirius said lovingly.
“ I do, I do,” Remus said, his tone earnest and understanding.
“Sorry, you have to put up with all this shit,” Sirius mumbled into his chest. Shame for his family was not a new thing, except Sirius had never been in a relationship like this before, and bringing in another person to the expectations of his fuck up family was proving to be a lot. He felt a bit panicky, chest tight, and breath shallow, but Remus’ grip was firm on his hand, and his breath was steady. He grounded himself with him, trying to distract his thoughts by focusing on Remus's breath, tracing circles around his palm.
“I don't mind, truly. Families are shit, especially in this place. Everyone’s been shipped off to get away from them. Well, except maybe James.” Remus said, tightening his arms around Sirius, trying to pull him in closer, even though there was already no space between them.
“And about being exclusive…” Remus continued, “I don't really want to be seeing anyone else but you - do you?”
“No no, I’d very much like for it to just be you.” The butterflies came back at full force, fluttery and giddy.
“Alright then.” Sirius sat up, propping himself up on his elbow, and smiled down at Remus.
“Alright.” He leaned in for a kiss, lingering on Remus's lips, feeling him break out into a grin.
It was such a perfect moment, Sirius wanted to bottle it up and take it with him everywhere.
***
hello?
where did you both go?
remussssss
???
sorry james
im in sirius’ dorm
you just ABANDONED me
in the middle of bake off!!
sorry!!!
to be fair, you were asleep
and the stuff we wanted to do… we didn’t want to do in front of you
???
?
OH
LIKE FUCKING?!
no jesus
we just made out for a bit
OH MY GOD
ARE YOU DATING SIRIUS??!!
maybe?
kind of?
yes?
REMUS THATS AMAZING
my new friend and my one of my oldest, bestest friends - getting together
life is a beautiful thing
thanks james lol
now come back
im lonleyyyyyyyyy
alright alright
be there in a minute