Chapter 5
It’s been a week since the party in the greenhouses. A week since he sat with Remus and talked about music. A week since… Well, Sirius wasn’t exactly sure.
He thought - if they hadn't been rudely interrupted - that Remus was leaning in for a kiss. He thought that maybe he would come back once he spoke to Lily. He thought Remus felt the same as he did.
But he was wrong.
Because Remus did nothing of the sort.
He actually did nothing at all.
After the party, he never tried to find Sirius again, and it was like whatever happened behind the greenhouses didn't happen at all. They still meet in the library and say hello in the halls, which is fine. Sirius was totally fine with it. Except it all feels wrong.
“So where are you now?” Sirius asked the screen of his phone. Regulus stared back at him in a pair of black Ray-Ban’s, sun and blue skies behind him. It was finally the weekend, and Sirius decided to have lunch in his room, not really having the energy for people or the dining hall. So he called Reg. He never felt tired of Reg. He was probably one of the only people he could fully be himself around, there was a great comfort and understanding between the two of them. They were each other's home.
“I’m at Alastor’s, enjoying a rare sunny day, reading the new Heartstopper update when some call rudely intercepted my phone,” Regulus said. Alastor's was a coffee/book shop that they discovered on one of their days roaming the city. It was a quaint little hole in the wall run by some eccentric old man named Alastor. He lived above the shop with his cats and sold vintage books along with lattes.
Regulus tilted the phone so Sirius could see a half-drunk iced coffee, his worn cream-colored converse poking from underneath the table.
“Here’s my little spot outside, Alastor showed me his new stock, he had a first edition of Jane Eyre.”
“Oh, that's so cool - please tell me you bought it.”
“Well…” Regulus dragged out the word, and Sirius shook the phone to hurry him up. “No, I didn’t, it was like a billion dollars.” Regulus laughed, tilting his head back. “But he did let me touch it and I swear my soul left my body.”
“I love it - in Brontё we trust.”
Regulus smiled and took a sip of his drink. Sirius could say with absolute certainty that it was an iced vanilla oat milk latte. Regulus could try to be mysterious and broody by ordering an Americano or Espresso Macchiato (which he does sometimes) but his true love was just the right amount of sweet, milky coffee.
“Any other plans for your day?” Sirius asked, laying down on his bed, arm outstretched holding his phone.
“Hmmh, probably stay here for as long as Alastor lets me. Maybe check out that vintage store you love.”
“Aweee Rosies’. If you see anything I would like, you are legally obligated to get it for me.”
“No way, you’re not coming back for months, and your closet is stuffed already.”
“Liar! I have a perfectly reasonable amount of clothes.”
They went back and forth, Sirius pleading and Reg pretending like he wasn't already going to look out for him.
Then there was a knock on the door. Frantic and fast. Sirius shot a confused look at Regulus before he got up and opened the door.
There was James, wet hair sticking to his forehead, holding a super soaker water gun.
“Hey mate I’ll explain everything but can I come in?” James said everything so fast it felt like one word, and he was bouncing on his toes anxiously.
Sirius nodded, stepping to the side just in time for James to speed inside, closing the door behind him, and leaning up against it.
“Thanks.” He said slightly out of breath.
“Uh, so what's going on?” Sirius was slightly in shock at the sudden invasion.
“Marlene found these water pistol things in some broom cupboards. Some not-so-secret stash of another student. Then they declared war. Loser has to do the other’s maths homework.”
Sirius rolled his eyes, though not surprised. For a reason he couldn’t explain, this felt like a typical weekend activity for James.
“Well, how do you lose a one-on-one game of water tag? Looks like you’ve already got hit.”
“That was Marlene 'testing to see if it works'.” James said with the gesture of air quotes, as best as he could demonstrate with a gun in hand. “It worked.” James ran his hand through his damp hair, making it stick up in funny directions.
“We decided someone loses once the other emptied their whole canister of water out on them. It can be spread out, but since we're the only two people playing we’ll know who gets hit the most by how much water is used. Does it make sense?”
“Sure.” Sirius shrugged and sat on his bed. James was speaking so fast that it was hard to keep up, but he understood the general idea. “So you’re hiding out here?”
“Oh yeah, just until I come up with a strategy. Your room was the closest, I knew it was yours because I used to be friends with Pete. The former owner.” James smiled sweetly, eyes darting around the room. It landed on Reg who was still on the phone, though a further distance away from the camera, reading a book.
“Well hello, small person in Sirius’ phone.” James put his water gun on the floor and moved his way over to the desk, hands in his pockets, leaning down to see the phone that was propped up against a science textbook.
“Oh sorry, yeah that’s my brother Regulus.” Sirius gestured to the phone, Reg now realized he was being talked about. He gave a small wave.
“Regulus. Nice to meet you, I’m James.” James smiled, returning the wave.
“Hello, James.” Regulus had the book closed on his lap now and was staring at the screen.
“Have you happened to be in a water fight before? Do you know any helpful winning strategies?”
James pulled out the chair from Sirius’ desk and positioned himself in between the screen and Sirius so he could direct the conversation to both of them. He rested his hand on his knee. Seeming very eager to hear Reg’s insight.
Regulus scoffed. “No, no water fight experience.”
“Oh, shame,” James said, seemingly genuinely disappointed.
“Though I overheard you explaining the rules, it seems like you have a pretty good chance at winning.”
“How so?” James leaned forward, resting his chin on his hand.
“Well, it's one on one. All you have to do is a surprise attack, hide in a closet, or a tree, something where you know they’ll cross your path, and attack as fast as possible before they have a chance to react.”
“That staircase close to the dining hall would be perfect, you’d have a great shot to the hallway below if you hide behind the railing,” Sirius suggested, getting maybe slightly too invested in a game he wasn’t even playing.
“Oh my god!” James stood up hands above his head. “I just stumbled upon two scheming geniuses.”
Regulus rolled his eyes, but Sirius noticed the small smile on his lips.
“You are both masterminds. You have to come with me to enact this.” James continued, slightly bouncing. He picked up the water gun from off the ground. “I know the perfect way to get there undetected, I have the whole castle practically memorized,” James said as he reached for the doorknob.
“What - now?” Sirius said still on the bed.
“There’s no time to waste!” James exclaimed.
“Ok, so that’s my queue to leave…” Reg said, his face getting closer to the screen as he reached for the hang-up button.
“No! You have to see this through now, you’re a part of the team!” James said, gesturing wildly. Sirius was quickly realizing that James was a very enthusiastic person.
“Fine.” Regulus reluctantly agreed as Sirius picked up the phone, flipping the camera so he could see the school, and James, with a water gun, hoisted up on his shoulder, doing an unnecessary sneaky-spy-crouch-walk through the empty hallways.
They didn’t see a single student and quickly made their way to the staircase close to the dining hall. Just a few steps away from where the students eat their meals was a massive old stone staircase. One side was pressed to the wall and the other was a railing connecting with a stone wall, covered in tapestries, old art, and one student bulletin board, announcing upcoming events. They found their positions on the top, crouched behind the thick pillars of the banister, with a clear view of the ground floor.
“So how do we know that this Marlene person will walk by here?” Regulus half-whispered.
“Oh, she’ll walk by. If she wants to go to the dorms, the kitchens, the pitch - this is the quickest way to get to any of them.” James smiled knowingly. “I bet you they’ll be down in less than five minutes.”
Regulus scoffed and Sirius rested his head against the stone. It took ten minutes before the bobbing blonde head of Marlene came into view. They were accompanied by Dorcas who was also carrying a smaller water pistol. By the look on James' face, equally shocked and betrayed, he was previously unaware of this development. Their heads were moving in all directions - except above them.
James looked at Sirius and nodded. It was time.
And with the stealth and energy of a general leading an army into battle, James jumped with a roaring scream and started aiming water at Marlene.
He ran down the stairs, never taking his finger off the trigger. Marlene and Dorcas were successfully caught off guard and it took a full couple of seconds for them to register what was happening. Once they realized what was going on, they - with an equally charged war cry, - raised their weapons, aiming successfully at James. Though it was only a few seconds, it was just enough time for James to be in the lead, and he emptied his water chamber by the time he was on the floor. That didn’t mean Marlene and Dorcas didn’t put up a fair fight. Even though James was cheering victoriously, running circles around the two, his hair was sopping wet, and there were wet splotches covering his clothes.
Sirius laughed and descended the stairs slowly, Regulus chuckling on his phone. Sirius held up his phone so that Reg could see everything. James in all his glory, Marlene and Dorcas, soaking wet, and laughing, arms wrapped around each other.
It was a beautiful sight.
By the time Sirius reached the group, Marlene was trying to fight the claimed win of James.
“No - you recruited TWO other members. That goes against the established rules!” They were waiving their hands around, directing an attacking finger at James.
“That doesn't count! They weren't armed! Unlike your unofficial added teammate.” James pointed at Dorcas, whose arm was resting around Marlenes’ shoulders. She scoffed.
“I still stand by my statement. I was just in the right place at the right time, completely unplanned.” Dorcas explained nonchalantly. “I always keep a water pistol in my bag.”
“I call bull-shit. Sirius, Regulus, you’re my witnesses. I won fair and square, yes?”
“Yeah James won. Both parties had roughly the same advantages and bent the rules.” Regulus said diplomatically. Sirius nodded in agreement, watching everything with an amused grin.
“Oh, they have biased opinions. Clearly, they were on your team!” Marlene protested.
“I believe the jury has spoken. Sorry, Marlene, but you have to do my algebra assignment this week.” James smiled smugly.
“Yeah, yeah, like you're actually sorry,” Marlene said begrudgingly, but as she walked away she couldn't hide her smile.
“Thank you, comrades.” James turned to face Sirius and Reg. “It was a pleasure working with you both.”James stuck out his hand for Sirius to shake, and pretend to shake with Reg through the phone. “Nice meeting you Regulus,” James said with a crooked smile. “Until next time lads.” James mock saluted, and turned, disparaging behind the doors of the dining hall.
Sirius stood there, slightly stunned until Regulus’ voice brought him back to reality.
“Uh, yeah so that was weird and fun or whatever but, uh, I got to go.”
“Uh come on! All our time was taken by some preppy boy with a water gun, I don’t even know how school has been for you.” Sirius complained as he started to walk back to his room.
“Yeah - it's fine. Boring.” Regulus got a slightly panicked look on his face, his eyes focusing on something outside the view of the camera. “I think I heard their car so um yeah, bye.”
Reg’s face quickly disappeared and all the brightly colored apps on his home screen stared back at him.
A sinking feeling settled in his chest.
It was always a dream of his to run away, a sort of fantasy to escape into - a coping mechanism to survive. He imagined thousands of different ways he could leave, Reg always alongside him. Steal a credit card and buy one-way tickets to Canada or Australia. Hitchhike to the countryside. Steal a space rocket and live on the moon.
He ended up getting out, in a way. He still has to go back, but for the moment, he could have his freedom and enjoy water fights and wear whatever he wanted. Reg was still there.
Seeing the fear in Regulus' eyes and knowing there was nothing he could do to help him made him want to actualize a proper escape plan. He was scared, sad, but also full of a strong anger. A pure hatred at the thought of them. That family, slowly sucking all the joyful wonderful things out of Reg, leaving a husk of himself with no personal thought, just a mascot of the family name. It made him sick.
He left Reg alone there and Sirius felt immensely guilty about it. Not rationally - he was forced away. But a part of him knew he wanted to go. He was happy to distance himself from the rest of his family. Though it left Reg defenseless. The terrible guilty feeling of enjoying something that Reg doesn’t have hasn’t left him. It was like a heavy blanket he wore all the time, though it quickly became heavier. It started to crush him. A panicked feeling set in.
Sirius felt trapped. Anxious. He wandered the halls. A slow walk turned into a panicked pace. He didn't know what he was doing. He didn't know who he was. He felt helpless and frustrated and confused and…. He just wanted Reg to be okay. To be safe. And he knows that won't happen until he is out of that damned house.
“Hey - you alright?” Suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder and he was turned around to find himself face to face with Remus Lupin. He must look a bit wrecked because Remus looked concerned - and a bit scared.
“Yeah, I'm fine.” Sirius ran his hand through his hair - an anxious habit. “I just got lost, this school is a bloody maze.”
Remus looked like he wanted to press the issue, but just nodded and smiled gently. “Yeah, they don't give out maps either. I got lost all the time my first year - it's the fucking worst. Going to dorms, yeah?”
“Uh - yeah,” Sirius replied and Remus gave a slight nod of his head and started walking.
Sirius let Remus lead the way, walking a few steps behind him. Sirius could hear Remus breathe, see the rise and fall of his chest. It helped steady him, and get his breath back on track. And after a while, he seemed to settle, calm down from whatever he had just experienced. Enough so that Sirius could register who he was with, and what that meant.
The silence that hung between them was not the lovely peaceful kind like the night at the party. It was tense, filled with unanswered questions and anxious overthinking. Maybe Sirius was still recovering from whatever mental spiral he was falling into before Remus showed up, but the air felt thicker, everything felt heavier. They said nothing. Sirius was chipping the polish on his nails before Remus suddenly stopped walking.
“You’re in the right wing now. Just head a little further down this corridor and you should be able to find your room.” Remus smiled a small closed-lipped, slight tug. His cheeks pinked and he rubbed the back of his neck. He looked so beautiful and Sirius was so confused. Why is he acting oblivious? What was going on with him that he could barely look Sirius in the eye? He felt raw, all exposed nerves, and emotionally wrecked.
And just so over it.
Who the fuck gave Remus the right to act like this? All aloof and casual. Not caring about anyone else’s feelings. Just doing whatever he wants.
Sirius was about to confront him, taken over by the feeling of not giving a single fuck. He would finally set the record straight - was it all his imagined fantasy or was it an actual possibility that they could have kissed that night, was it a possibility for them to try it again?
“I’ll be off then.” Remus coughed awkwardly and was around the corner before Sirius could even utter a thanks, let alone a dramatic confrontation.
Bit of a letdown.
Once he was alone, it felt as if every once of energy Sirius had left drained from his body.
He needed a nap.
***
one new message from: regieeeeee
hi
hey :)))
it was nice to see your face today
you’re friends seem nice
obnoxious balls of energy
but nice
they’re not my friends
well
i guess maybe they are
it’s still undecided
lol
you always sucked at this part
what part?
admitting you’re friends
committing
boooooooo
don’t remember asking for an analysis
ok ok
just keep them around
the school seems like a good place for you
yeah maybe
you could come too, you know
har har
no really
i'm sure you can visit
there’s a long weekend coming up
if not officially, we can find a way to sneak you in
funny joke
now drop it.
ok
what movie are you watching?
how did you -
its 10pm
too early for sleep, but still tired
so - movie
we share a netflix
i know your watching habits
and i'm the same way
kinda creepy you know this
but i guess it makes sense
to answer your question: howl's moving castle
a classic
i approve
oh good
i'm so glad i can keep watching :/
i have exceptional taste in movies
it's just the facts
sure sure
anyway
i have an assignment due tomorrow that i haven’t started
should probably try and get something done
yes yes you should
good night, be productive :)
goodnight, enjoy your movie :)