Greece
The two last days in Italy go just like every other city: they visit Naples, Remus takes loads of pictures, James rants about the football club that plays here, Marlene and Dorcas try to get themselves posted on Remus’ account, Sirius draws everything he sees, and Regulus tries to make people think he doesn’t enjoy himself as much as he actually does. However, the very last day, his cover is fully blown as Moody brings them to Pompeii to look at the ruins and at the antique village. Regulus, Remus and Lily are so interested, taking pictures when allowed and writing down Moody’s explanations religiously, so much that the rest of the group calls them ‘the swot club’, a name James and Sirius used about Remus’ study group back in Hogwin. Remus doesn’t mind them and simply explores the village with a fascination only history nerds like him have, a fascination that Lily and Regulus seem to share with him.
That night, they take the bus to Brindisi, a four hour drive that has everyone asleep within minutes, and around midnight, they take the ferry to Corfu in Greece. Remus doesn’t register just how long the journey takes, he is still riding the high of knowing that Sirius fucking Black is in love with him so he doesn’t pay much attention to anything else these days. It’s still incredibly unreal to him that someone like Sirius would love him, and he plans on making the most of it, and not blowing this wonderful thing he gets to hold in his hands.
Of course, it only takes Remus one day in Greece to make it blow up, that’s just his luck.
It starts in Corfu, around four in the afternoon, when their group decides to take a little snack break. Well, their group, contrary to how it has been for a while, is now split: Remus is now with Sirius, James and Marlene while Lily, Mary, Dorcas, Pandora and Regulus are exploring another side of the island. Remus is certain that the reason for the division of their group is a fight between either James and Lily or Dorcas and Marlene that Remus isn’t aware of and hasn’t got the opportunity to ask Sirius if he knows. Either way, it isn’t his issue and doesn’t pay too much attention to it; they’ll all make up eventually and the group will get back to how it used to be.
So, around four, he is mandated by James, Sirius and Marlene to take their order of Loukoumades, traditional Greek donuts, if Remus understood correctly, to the clerk.
“Yassas, do you speak English?” he asks, absolutely certain that his Greek is horrendous.
“Of course I do, darling.” The clerk grins at him, “What can I get you?”
“Uh, Loukoumades for four people, please?” he tries, earning himself a laugh from the man.
“Even better with the Welsh accent.” He says and gets to work on the pastries. He dumps some sort of dough on a frier, and it smells so good that Remus is tempted to ask for the recipe.
“Are you familiar with it?” Remus frowns at him with a smile; it’s not often that foreigners recognise where his accent comes from.
“My ex-boyfriend was Welsh.” the man says, then grins at Remus, “Appears I have a type.” He says, but fortunately, Remus was too focused on the frying balls of dough, debating with himself whether he should ask for the recipe or not, to hear the clerk. The remark went unnoticed by Remus, so he simply carried on the small talk, waiting for his pastry to cook.
“Oh, right, I see.” He nods at him, “Could I ask for the recipe? These smell amazing, I’d like to try it when I’m back home.”
The man tilts at that, taking it as an opportunity that Remus does not notice, “When exactly is that?”
“What do you mean?” Remus frowns at him, then understands, “Oh, not until the first of October.”
“Seems like I could get plenty of time to show you how to make them.” The man grins and finally hands him a plate with the four pastries. Remus smiles at his food – he is literally always hungry, so this is heaven for him – and looks back at the man.
“Oh no, just the recipe would be great. Cheers for those!” he nods at him and waits for the recipe and also to pay, maybe.
“I don’t have it here, but I could send it to you? Also, it’s 8.99€.” he tells Remus, who pays and gives him his number, simply to get the recipe. Within minutes, he’s walking back to the table with a grin on his face, a new recipe on his phone and a plate full off pastries that look incredibly tasty.
Contrary to him, his friends do not look happy: James looks concerned and confused, Marlene is downright angry and Sirius looks murderous. He frowns as he puts the dish down on the table.
“What happened?” he asks, looking at them in incomprehension. Marlene rolls her eyes and Sirius scoffs.
“‘What happened?’ That’s what you’re going with?” he says with his petty voice, and Remus feels more confused than ever.
“Wha-I don’t understand what is happening right now.” He frowns and looks at James for help, who only shakes his head.
“Your mess, dude.” He raises his eyebrows at Remus and promptly leaves him on his own. Remus gapes at him and back to Sirius.
“What mess? The fuck did I do?” he asks, and he is starting to wonder if they’re playing a prank on him. Fortunately, he refrains from asking so.
Marlene rolls her eyes at his words, “Ugh! Men.” She says, and Sirius mirrors her.
“You’re unbelievable.” Sirius says, and leans to stare at Remus with his eyes full of spite, “You really don’t see what you did wrong?”
Remus looks around for help, and when he still doesn’t get any, he shrugs slightly, “No, I don’t, Pads. Why are you so mad at me? I really don’t see what’s wrong.” He asks helplessly, because he really doesn’t understand the change in behaviour since he left the table to get their food.
“You know what?” Sirius shakes his head at him and pushes his chair from the table, “I’ll let you and the fucking cashier figure it out. Maybe you two could talk about it over the phone, huh?” he stands up and gestures for Marlene to follow him, “C’mon, Marls, we’re going.” He says and walks out of the store in a rage with Marlene at his heel, leaving a speechless Remus and a quite scared James at the table.
The silence stretches for a little longer, until Remus breaks it with a whisper, “I still don’t know what I did.” He says, making James chuckle lightly.
“You’re so stupid.” He smiles, “If you think you can flirt with some guy while Sirius is watching, then you’re an idiot.”
Remus frowns, “I wasn’t flirting? Is it because I gave him my number?”
“Even dumber than I thought.” James laughs, “Of course it is. You wouldn’t like it if Sirius was giving his number to handsome Greek guys.” He tries, and Remus bites his lip. No, he would not like it.
“But it was just for the recipe. Obviously, I wouldn’t give my number to random dudes for another reason, Sirius must know that.” Remus frowns, realising that damn, he really fucked it up there.
“Does he, though?” James asks, and Remus can only shrug.
“Guess he doesn’t.” he sighs, “God, I didn’t realise it would bother him. I really only gave him for the recipe, you believe me, don’t you?”
James sighs, “Yeah, I do. I guess it’s harder to believe when you’re on the other side though.”
“What do you mean?” Remus asks, and James bites on his cheek.
“I…well, when you’re the one in doubt, it’s harder to believe, I guess.” James mumbles, looking down at the table in a very un-James way.
“Is anything wrong with Lily?” Remus asks. He has been kind of wanting to know why their group was divided after all.
James looks at Remus, and he can see the pain in his eyes, the confusion and sadness, “I don’t know what to do. She thinks I still like Regulus.” He confesses, “I don’t really want to talk about it.” He says, and Remus can only nod.
“Whatever you need, man. I’m here for you.”
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Remus tries to apologize to Sirius as soon as he steps out of the snack store; he realises that from an outsider perspective, him giving his number to some guy could look suspicious, but Sirius should know better than to assume that Remus would flirt or even remotely like anyone else. It’s not like they just told each other that they were in love with the other only days before, after all.
So Remus tries to explain to his boyfriend that no, he wasn’t flirting, but was actually asking for a recipe like the old man he is at heart, but Sirius is nowhere to be seen. He and James join the group back, at the exception of Marlene, Dorcas and Sirius, only for Mary to immediately blame Remus before he can utter a word out.
“Do you realise what you did, Lupin?” she accuses, “I’ve never seen Sirius this upset! He said you flirted with a Greek guy, I mean, what the hell? Haven’t you been in love with him forever? What the fuck just brought that on!?” she shouts, then throws her arms, “I swear, men are all the same; every time it starts to get too serious, they just fucking bolt!”
“Did he tell you I was flirting?” Remus asks with a desperate edge, “I wasn’t! He completely misread the situation! I swear, you know I would never do that.” He tries, but Mary only scoffs.
“Please, I know the ‘misread the situation’ gambit like the back of my hand.” She rolls her eyes, “And you Potter, how come you’re not with Sirius right now? Isn’t he your best friend?”
“Not very loyal of you, Potter.” Regulus interjects, spitting out James’ name like scum. At the direct address, James snaps his head in Regulus’ direction as if burnt.
“No, James doesn’t know how it feels when your partner likes someone else better.” Lily says calmly. “He doesn’t realise how confusing it feels.”
James swears under his breath, “Lily, I swear I don’t like anyone else better than you! I love you, Lils, please believe me when I tell you that.” He pleads, and she only sighs.
“I told you; I understand if you do like someone better, but I’d prefer if you didn’t lie about it.” Lily sighs, “I’ve had enough of this.”
“Please, Lily.” He begs, but she her expression remains tired and cold. She takes Mary’s arm and starts walking away.
“I need some space, James. Until you can be honest with me.” She shrugs in defeat and walks away with Mary in tow. After a small moment of silence, Regulus and Pandora leave too, claiming that the atmosphere is too charged for them to stick around – Pandora’s words – and James and Remus find themselves alone once again. Two losers who are terrified to lose the loves of their lives.
They stick together for the rest of the night; from what James gathered in religiously stalking the others, and mostly Lily’s Instagram, everyone has stayed in pairs or trios: Lily and Mary, Regulus and Pandora and Sirius, Marlene and Dorcas, so they aren’t missing out on some big hang out. Instead, they walk along the beach together with a beer in hand, watching the sun set over the island whilst talking about their loved ones and reminiscing school days. Remus hadn’t realised, but in the last five months, he really has missed James: what with making so many new friends and spending time with their significant other, they haven’t had time for real hang outs, just the two of them, something that happened quite often in school. Remus really enjoys it, despite the tense vibe of having Sirius and Lily mad at them, and Mary and Marlene as well on extension, and manages to somehow forget about the quarrel in the snack shop.
When Remus gets back to his and Sirius’ hotel room, the curtains are drawn, the light is off and Sirius is already in bed. His back is facing Remus, who immediately assumes that he is asleep, but when he slips in bed after a much needed shower, he realises that no, Sirius’ breathing is far too focused and meticulous for him to be unconscious. Nevertheless, he doesn’t stir or greet Remus, so Remus doesn’t try. He obviously doesn’t want to talk, and if there is one thing Remus can do, it is to respect his boundaries.
So, Remus only presses a kiss to Sirius’ hair and whispers an ‘I love you’ in his left ear before trying to sleep himself. Sirius doesn’t react, which doesn’t surprise Remus; Sirius has always been unbeatable at the silent treatment game, and Remus doesn’t sleep until four in the morning, after what feels like a lifetime of worrying and self-pity.
The next morning, Remus wakes up to an empty bed, and he knows that Sirius is still mad at him. He made a new conviction during his insomnia the night before: never again in this lifetime should Sirius feel insecure in his relationship with Remus. And he plans on sticking to this resolution forever, starting today. Finding him proves to be harder than ever: he isn’t at breakfast nor can Remus find him in the bus to the airport until the bus is moving, sitting alone with his neck turned to talk to Marlene and Mary on the seats behind him. He looks tired, but still so gorgeous, without surprise, and it pains Remus to not be able to talk to him or be close to him. James stays with Remus for the duration of the bus ride, apparently still on odd terms with Lily, and tells Remus that he is determined to try to make up with her on the plane to Thessaloniki. Remus is rooting for him, even if he hasn’t really understood what the issue is, but his plan proves ineffective when Lily sits with Mary and Marlene on the plane, just like at the beginning of the trip, all those months ago. Pandora, Regulus and Dorcas sit together, so the three remaining marauders sit together. This could be an opportunity for Remus, only Sirius immediately latches onto James when he realises what the sitting arrangements are going to be, and forces him to sit on the middle sit, therefore creating a barrier between Sirius and Remus. James is obviously uncomfortable but doesn’t say anything, for Remus’ or Sirius’ sake, Remus doesn’t know, but he still does, and Remus can’t talk to Sirius until an hour deep into the flight, when James takes a break to the loo.
As soon as James steps into the alley between the seats, Remus leans over the middle one to get Sirius’ attention.
“Please, Sirius.” He begs, “Can I explain myself?” he asks, and Sirius only keeps looking out of the window. “Please, love, I miss you. I really don’t want you to stay mad at me for this.” He tries again, and when he realises that Sirius won’t budge, still looking out the window, despite the obvious tension in his features and the bobbing of his Adam’s apple. So, Remus monologues, because his time is counted until James emerges back from the bathroom and he doesn’t really know what else to do.
“Look, I didn’t even realise that this guy was flirting with me, it’s James who told me that it looked like flirting. I only gave him my number so I could get the recipe for the Loukoumades, nothing else.” He explains, and looks as Sirius turns his head further away from Remus, towards the window, “Do you know why I didn’t realise it was flirting? Because I can’t see anyone else but you. You’re my soulmate, Sirius, and it just seems unthinkable for me that anyone else could even think that I could like them. So, I’m sorry, when a guy flirts with me, I only want his pastries recipe to make them for my boyfriend when we come home.” He smiles, because it was really what he was thinking at that moment.
Despite his efforts, Sirius keeps looking out the window, angling his head just right so that Remus can’t see his face, and doesn’t answer. Then, it’s too late, and James comes back from the bathroom, so Remus only sighs and settles back in his seat, wondering whatever else he could do to make Sirius forgive him.
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Remus doesn’t get his answer. The day passes, they visit Thessaloniki as a group, with Moody and all the other people in the Experience, they walk past the Aristotle Place and the White Tower, take pictures and notes, and Remus doesn’t get close to Sirius again. He sees him, hanging around Marlene and Mary, while Lily, Pandora, Dorcas and Pandora are not too far, talking together. Of course, Remus and James are far from them, watching and yearning, not even paying that much attention to the historical value of the city. Anytime he and James try to get close to the group, only Pandora and Dorcas are civil to them, talking like nothing is wrong: Sirius and Lily are obviously mad on their own accounts, Mary and Marlene are mad on their friend’s behalf and Regulus is just always mad, so they all either leave or roll their eyes or throw a passive aggressive remark – usually Mary or Marlene’s work – and leave. Wallowing in their misery, Remus and James eat together in the hotel, a single pizza for both of them in James’ room, almost in silence save for the random groan or comment about how unfairly their partners are treating them. Around ten at night, Remus asks the question that has been tugging at his brain for the last 24 hours.
“No offense mate, but don’t you think that Lily could be a little right? Maybe you do still like Regulus.” He asks tentatively, expecting James to be overly dramatic about how much he is not still crushing on his best friend’s little brother, but James surprises him.
“Maybe.” He sighs, “I have no bloody idea.” He admits, and presses his eyes shut, “God, I hate myself. I have an amazing girlfriend, the most beautiful, sweet and intelligent girl in the world, and I might have feelings for someone else.” He says in a pained voice that Remus has never heard from James before. Remus is speechless, because he was truly not expecting a confession, and James takes his lack of response as an invitation to continue.
“I don’t know if I like him or if I’m just curious.” He sighs, “Because he hates me, like truly despises me, and I’ve never met anyone who hated me as much as him. I just want to understand why, really.” He shrugs, then groans, “The thing is that I say this shit, and then I just see his face and think that he’s really fucking pretty. And I shouldn’t be thinking that when I’m in love with Lily, you know?” he says, looking like he is about to cry out of frustration.
Remus just looks at him, then taps a few times on James’ shoulder, because physical touch has really never been their thing, “Prongs, you know that you can’t control your feelings, right? It doesn’t make you a bad person to like someone or someone else. It’s just how it is.” He shrugs, trying to make James calm down a little.
It doesn’t work. “I am a bad person though.” He whispers, “I’d never cheat, obviously, but it feels like I am. Just thinking about someone else, it’s just as bad, Moony.” He says in a pleading voice, then adds in a whisper, “I hate myself.”
His voice is so heartbreaking to hear; the voice that Remus has more often than not heard in laughter or in teasy comments, now to the point of breaking. He doesn’t think, only about making his best friend feel better, and envelops James in a hug. He goes willingly, and promptly starts sobbing on Remus’ shoulder, whispering and hiccupping about how horrible of a person he is. Remus tries to soothe him, running his hand on his back and telling him that he will be okay, but James doesn’t hear any of it and keeps repeating the same thing over and over again, “I am a horrible person”. He trembles and cries in Remus’ arms for a moment, a moment that almost brings tears to Remus’ eyes as well, because seeing James Potter, the fucking embodiment of the sun sobbing and crying about how bad of a person he is, is truly heartbreaking.
Once James has calmed down a little, he pulls away from Remus’ arms and sniffs, “Sorry, Moons. I know you don’t like physical touch.” He apologises as he takes a tissue to blow his nose.
Remus only frowns, “Mate, you obviously needed it. Also, how can you believe that you’re a bad person when you’re worrying about how comfortable I feel while you’re sad on your own?” he says, and James only stares at him as if he doesn’t understand. So, Remus enlightens him, “You’re like the best person I know, James. Like, anytime I’m about to do something questionable, I think to myself ‘hey, Prongs would not do that’.” He says, and it startles a laugh from James.
“Yeah, but it’s still fucking shitty of me to wonder if I like someone else while I’m in a relationship.” James sighs in defeat, and Remus shrugs sheepishly.
“Kind of yeah.” Remus agrees, “But it’s shittier to lie to your partner. Lily said that she understood. Just make her a part of this, maybe this could help both of you.” He shrugs.
“I don’t want to hurt her.” James frowns, “She’s so amazing, so she says that she understands because she’s perfect. But it would hurt her, I know that. I can’t do something that I know will hurt her.”
“I think you’re hurting her right now, by not telling her.” Remus smiles at him in support, “It’s always better to be honest, I know you know that.”
“Yeah. I suppose you’re right.” James agrees and lies back down on the bed to think about it a little more. It’s only around midnight that Remus goes back to his own hotel room, only to find it empty. He immediately thinks that it is weird and looks at his phone to stalk Sirius’ position: he is at a bar in town, and upon looking all of the girls’ social media, it appears that the whole group except James and Remus are having a drink together. It only makes him feel a little bad: yes he missed out on some fun with his friends, but he also helped his best friend through something of a crisis. So, really, a win is a win.
Remus doesn’t wait up for Sirius: he is knackered from his lack of sleep of the night before and crashes to sleep quickly after taking his shower. He sleeps deeply, taking the entire bed to himself, a luxury he can’t allow himself often anymore, and even snores a little, the proof of how really exhausted he was.
Only, his sleep is interrupted at four in the morning when Sirius slams the door open, flicks the lights on and shakes Remus awake while screaming bloody murder.
It takes a minute for Remus to understand whatever he is saying, between coming back to consciousness and realising that he isn’t in his dream anymore but that this crazy, frantic, manic Sirius is very real and something he should be concerned about.
His blood runs cold when he hears the word ‘wildfire’ come out of Sirius’ mouth.
“WAKE UP! NOW, WE HAVE TO LEAVE!” Sirius shouts at the top of his lungs, and it doesn’t take long for Remus to register that he is crying, “Please, wake up, I’m so sorry.” He chokes on a sob and takes both of their suitcases, not bothering to gather the lone toothbrush or the charger they could’ve left somewhere. Remus stands up immediately, only to stumble on his feet and almost fall on the ground. He stays unsteady for a moment, then grabs a jumper and follows Sirius outside of the bedroom, who is still crying and screaming.
The hotel is completely empty, which should be normal at four in the morning, except all the doors are wide open, as if people had forgotten to close them on their way out of the hotel. Once they get outside, the first thing that Remus realises is that the air looks more orange than before, and that he feels quite hot under his jumper at four in the morning. He turns his head towards the fire immediately: it’s huge, terrifying and all consuming, and Remus doesn’t know if they could ever make it out alive. They see their entire group gathered a little far away on a parking; some wearing pyjamas and some, like James, Dorcas, Marlene, Mary, Lily and Regulus are wearing fluorescent jackets and carrying water hoses, just like the firefighters to help the fire come down. Immediately, Remus wants to join them, but Sirius holds onto his arm.
“Let me help them.” Remus croaks at Sirius, who shakes his head.
“We can’t. There isn’t any water hose left, I already asked.” He explains, then puts both of his hands on Remus’ face, forcing him to look straight at Sirius, at the worried and tense lines of his face, “I was so worried, Remus.” He chokes, with tears still running down his cheeks, “I’m so sorry.” He apologises in a heartbreaking voice that has Remus frowning.
“What for? You didn’t start the bloody fire.” Remus says, his eyes flickering from Sirius’ face to the fire building next to them. It really looks like a scene of horror, something right out of a calamity movie, and Remus feels incredibly warm in an unpleasant way: it feels like the flames are right next to him, tickling and burning his face when they actually are quite far away.
Sirius turns to look at the fire again with a look of anxiety and apprehension on his face and answers without looking at Remus, “It’s just…I was at the bar with the girls, and when we came back an hour ago, we saw the fire and went to help the firefighters right away. But I didn’t come and get you, I thought you were with everyone else outside of the hotel…” he trails off, lost back in his thoughts, “When I saw that you weren’t there, I thought of the worst.”
“Pads…” Remus puts an arm around Sirius’ shoulders, all traces of the previous fight forgotten, “I’m fine. You got me out of there, it’s fine. And it’s not like I was in danger inside anyway.” He adds, and thinks to himself that it is weird that they are evacuating the building when the fire is mostly outside and not reaching the houses yet. Or so Remus thinks.
Sirius looks at him dumbfounded, “Remus, the back of the hotel caught fire. We were fucking lucky our room was facing the street. Even luckier that we’re both safe.”
At his words, Remus turns back to look at the hotel that has indeed caught on fire: the flames are starting to reach the roof that is already melting under the temperature. Thankfully, they are standing quite far from there on a huge parking with a lot of other civilians who need to escape right away, and Sirius assures him that the fire can’t possibly reach them there.
“How the fuck did I not wake up?” Remus swears, and Sirius rolls his eyes.
“Listen to this; the fucking hotel’s fire alarm didn’t work! In Greece in August, I mean, they get fires every damn year, they should be equipped! If I didn’t realise you were missing…” he trails off and sighs deeply, trying to right himself and not crumble down right there, Remus thinks.
“We’re both okay. We’re all okay. It’s all that matters.” Remus says, watching the firefighters, their friends and some civilians try to control the fire by throwing water from water hoses, watering cans and some buckets. It feels so surreal; this kind of thing only ever happens on the news, only happens to others. Remus thinks that you don’t really get the depth of the situation until it happens to you: he could have never imagined how horrible it feels to be caught in a foreign country in the middle of a wildfire surrounded by the people he loves the most. If one of them gets hurt, he will never manage to get over it.”
Better safe than sorry, about an hour later they are all crammed into a bus that should only contain forty people, exactly the number they are on the experience, except that a lot of inhabitants of Thessaloniki need to evacuate, so the bus ends up with more of eighty passengers in direction of the beach that was too far to reach by foot. The ride isn’t long, something Remus is thankful for: the lack of space and the heavy atmosphere feel rather horrible, not a nice addition to an already bad night, and soon enough, they are sitting in the sand, watching the flames grow in the distance.
They all just wait in silence for a while, their group reunited, and all huddled up together, even Peter and Sybill, like they are holding on together, as a unit rather than alone in this. Remus feels kind of guilty; here they are, safe and wallowing in self-pity when the people of Thessaloniki are watching their houses, and their entire life burn away in the wildfire. He wishes he could do something to help, but unfortunately, sitting here on the beach with his friends is the best he can do. He knows, from the way everybody’s faces are pinched and focused that they are all thinking the same thing.
About two hours and a half later, Moody comes back bearing news: the fire is not very big, for Greece’s standards, and that they can board on a ferry to their next city, Volos right now. The initial plan was to spend two days in Thessaloniki, but two days in Volos instead will do. So, they get on a small ferry that is big enough for forty people and not one more and get on the Aegean Sea. They are all tired and guilty of leaving people in need behind, but they don’t really have a choice anyway, so they sit together on the floor again and wait, listening to the quiet rumble of the engine and the waves around them. The sun has risen for a long time now, and the sleepless night they almost all had is starting to be visible: within an hour, Remus has Sirius’ head on his lap, Pandora’s head on his shoulder and Lily’s head on Pandora’s lap. James is stretched over Sirius’ torso, Marlene and Dorcas are huddled together, only with Mary’s head on Marlene’s shoulder. Remus and Regulus are the only ones still awake, but they don’t talk; the atmosphere is too heavy and there would be nothing to talk about anyway. Time passes, the waves become gentler as they sail away from the coast, the morning clouds dissipate, leaving space for a blindingly blue sky, and Remus doesn’t sleep, doesn’t talk, simply waits, trying to make sense of the horrible night he just went through.
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Moody, like the organisation legend he is, managed to get them hotel rooms during the journey to Volos, hotel rooms that can welcome them right away, at only nine in the morning. They all sigh out in relief and happiness when Moody releases the news, and soon enough, Remus and Sirius are in yet another bed, in another hotel in another city, snoring and holding onto each other like their lives depend on it.
Remus realises, when he wakes up at four in the afternoon, that despite the time he spent not sleeping in the ferry, he hasn’t really realised what happened to them just hours before.
He has rarely felt this scared: only once before, in the forest behind the farm back in Wales when he was nine years old, and a wolf jumped on him with will to kill. No, today, he felt scared in a different way; not in a fight or flight, ‘I’m going to die’ type of way, but utterly terrified for his friends. Because in the end, they matter more than he does, and seeing them so close to the flames, despite the hoses in their hands, seeing Sirius’ terrified face and basking in their heavy silence all night afterwards was a terrifying sight. He doesn’t remember thinking anything for himself, only ‘please, don’t let anything happen to them’ over and over again. He would do all kind of unspeakable things if it meant keeping his friends safe and sound. It’s all that really matters.
Then, he is reminded of the image of Sirius running in their room solely to make sure he wasn’t trapped inside, and think that fuck, Sirius would actually walk through a fire for him. What a noble thing to do. Such a Sirius thing to do.
Remus tightens his arms around Sirius, simply because he needs the touch to ground him, to make him realise that yes, Sirius is here, alive and fine. That the fire wasn’t really that big of a deal, in the end.
Hope Lupin does not think the same thing. Remus realises this when he unlocks his phone a few minutes later, something he doesn’t remember doing during the night. Immediately, he sees a panoply of missed calls from both his mother and father and imagines that maybe, the fire was quite big after all if they heard about it all the way to Wales. He definitely has to call now.
He untangles himself from Sirius completely and walks into the bathroom as to not be too much of a disturbance to Sirius’ sleep and calls his mother.
“Remus? Remus is that you, darling?” Hope asks right away in a frantic and desperate voice that makes Remus’ stomach drop. He hates that he made his mum worry this much.
“Yeah. Yes. I’m sorry I didn’t answer.” He apologises and feels a knot in his throat when his mother doesn’t breathe out or sound any less terrified when she asks her next question.
“Are you safe? Are you alright? We heard about Thessaloniki, the fire, and all-” she starts, and Remus cuts her off, because he knows she needs to be comforted.
“I’m safe. We avoided the worst, we’re all safe and sound. It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” He speaks, now, she finally breathes out and mutters a little ‘thank fuck’ under her breath before rounding up on her son.
“Never do that again! Do you bloody hear me, Remus John Lupin? Never!” she shrieks, “Fucking hell, you didn’t THINK to call your mum? For fuck’s sake Remus, I was worrying my arse off!” she shouts, and even if she’s often kidding and smiling, he knows that she is serious as ever. Her voice is wavering, as if she was holding back tears, much like Remus is right now.
“I’m sorry, Mum.” He apologises again, and sniffs, even though he tries to hide that, “It was a long night, and then we were all so tired and went straight to bed. I should’ve checked my phone, I’m sorry.”
Right away, all traces of a fight are lost on Hope’s voice, “What do you mean it was a long night? Remus, were you involved in the fire? Did it reach you?” she asks, and Remus is tempted to lie simply to ease her mind, but he decides against it. Lying is never a good idea, even less on this type of topic.
He sighs, “Don’t panic, but the hotel we were staying in burned down.” He announces, and hears his mum gasp, “I wasn’t inside when it did, so really, it’s fine. No one was harmed, it’s okay.”
“Are you okay, Remus? Don’t lie to me, please, for once be honest.” She begs, and Remus realises that she knows when he is lying. He should’ve known, really. “Are you alright? Physically and mentally.”
“I’m fine.” He says automatically, then sighs. She just asked him not to lie, after all, “I’m…shaken, I guess. I’m still in denial, I mean, it all happened so quickly.” He sighs, “One minute I’m sleeping like a goddamn baby and the next I’m out on a parking space watching the bed I was sleeping in burn down. It was…surreal.”
“What happened next? Where are you now?” she asks in her maternal worried voice, like she won’t be able to get on with her life if she isn’t one hundred percent sure that he is okay. That somehow makes him feel both like shit and loved.
“I’m in Volos, we took a ferry in the morning. We wanted to help, but there wasn’t enough material, so.” He sighs, thinking back to those firefighters. How bad they have it makes Remus incredibly sad.
“Oh well of course they weren’t let you help! You’re just babies!” she admonishes, “You have no idea how relieved I am, Remus, dear God, I thought you were…” she sighs, “Never ignore my calls again, even less when there’s a bloody fire going on.”
“I said I was sorry!” he smiles a little, “I promise, I won’t ever ignore your calls again.” He says, and after another set on mundanities, and Hope asking him to call more often, like she does every time she calls, they hang up. Remus takes a second to himself in the bathroom before going back into the bedroom, only to find Sirius sat up in bed, looking at him closely.
“Hey.” Remus whispers and makes his way to the bed. Weirdly, he is reminded of how at odds things were before the fire and wonders if it’s okay for him to touch Sirius, despite hanging onto him all through their nap. He sits on the bed and doesn’t have to wonder when Sirius immediately makes his way between Remus legs and lays upon him without a word. They rearrange themselves to be most comfortable, with Sirius laying on top of Remus, with his ear pressed to Remus’ heart. They stay like this silently for a moment, until Sirius sighs and sits down on Remus’ lap.
“Are you mad at me? You have every right to be.” Sirius asks him with a pained face, and Remus is beyond confused.
“What do you mean?” he frowns and sits up himself to be at the same level with Sirius, who takes a hold of Remus’ ankle to have a little bit of physical touch when he loses the warmth of Remus’ body.
“I’ve been horrible.” He whispers, “I’m really sorry, Moony.” He says, looking down at the sheets as if ashamed. “I know you weren’t flirting with him, I know that, so I shouldn’t have continued the silent treatment.”
“Hey, it’s okay.” Remus smiles, “I understand, really. I know I would feel crazy if you flirted with someone else. Or, like, if I thought you were.”
“I know it’s not…not necessarily what you were hoping for, in going out with me.” Sirius mumbles, “I’m sorry if I’m too jealous or too annoying.” He shrugs, “I just don’t know how not to be.”
Upon his words, Remus leans closer and takes both of Sirius’ hands, forcing him to look up at Remus. His usually grey eyes look almost blue in this light, and utterly gorgeous, despite the slight mist. “Sirius, I’m anything but disappointed. I love you; I want to be with you anyway. Even if you can be a little jealous prick sometimes.” He adds, making Sirius chuckle wetly.
“I love you too.” He smiles slightly, then looks down as if he remembered something, “Could-Can you explain, really, what happened? Because from my perspective, it really looked like flirting.” He shakes himself a little, “I just don’t want to wonder anymore.”
Remus smiles sheepishly and plays with Sirius’ fingers, “Well, I don’t exactly remember, but I know that it smelled amazing, and that seeing how he made the pastries, it didn’t seem that difficult. So I asked for the recipe, and he said he could only text it to me because he didn’t have it on him.” He shrugs, “So I gave him my number so that I could make wonderful little pastries for my boyfriend when we’re back home.” He smiles at Sirius, who looks defeated.
“God, Remus, I am so sorry! I can’t believe I got crazy for this.” He apologises with a look of horror on his face, “I can’t believe I thought that I was flirting.” He adds in a whisper. Remus debates with himself whether or not he should ask his question, but in the end, he does.
“Why did you?” he asks Sirius gently, “I mean, you must know I would never, ever do that to you.”
Sirius is silent for a moment, simply staring at Remus, until he huffs, “You know me too well.” He says, then admits sheepishly, “I kind of-well.” He tries, then restarts, “It’s hard to believe that you really love me. Of all people.” He rolls his eyes at himself and sighs, “I’m sorry, I know it’s stupid, but I feel like I’m not good enough for you.” He mumbles, as if he hadn’t just changed everything Remus thought he knew about Sirius. How come the usually overly confident Sirius Black thinks that Remus Lupin is someone he isn’t good enough for? How is it humanly possible that Sirius doesn’t believe that Remus loves him? It’s completely insane and not at all what Remus was thinking he would say. Although, he wasn’t really expecting anything.
“Sirius.” Remus breathes out, holding onto his hands tightly, “I can’t believe you’d think that.” He whispers, then brings a hand up to Sirius’ face, because he needs to know just how much Remus loves him, “I love you more than anything. More than I do myself. I-I can’t imagine my life with anyone else.” He explains, staring right at Sirius’ misty eyes, “I don’t ever want you to think that again.” He asks, and brings Sirius’ hand up to his lips to kiss it, “And if you do, could you talk to me about it?”
Sirius nods at Remus, still with an awed look of adoration and wonder, then leans in to kiss Remus sweetly. It’s almost chaste, but still full of love, which Remus feels deep in his bones. “I will.” He vows, then kisses Remus again, “I love you so much.” He says and kisses Remus again. Their sweet kisses quickly turn into a make out session, making up for the past few days, and they kiss for the better of two hours just for the sake of it, kissing just to kiss. It’s perfectly lovely, and exactly how Remus wanted to spend his impromptu free day: in bed with his boyfriend, happy and not under any life-threatening fire.
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The next day in Volos, fourth day in Greece overall goes quietly. People are still shaken from the fire, and no one really feels like tourism, so Moody allows them a free day to get their shit together, while still encouraging them to go sightseeing. Their nine people group decides to head to the shopping side of the city, because Marlene, Dorcas, Mary, Pandora and Regulus’ stuff got lost in the fire, so they all need clothes of their own. They have all been living out of Remus’, James’, Sirius’, and Lily’s clothes, but four suitcases aren’t nearly enough for nine people, so shopping is definitely necessary.
The first thing Remus notices is that the fire was apparently a wake-up call for Lily, just like Sirius, who forgave James right away and is now hanging onto him like a lifeline. From what Remus understood, James was awake when the fire was declared, and was one of the first people outside, helping the firefighters, and when Lily and the others came back from the bar, they all saw him braving the flames like a goddamn hero. Whether Lily was aroused or worried, that Remus ignores, but he would totally understand both. All that matters is that James and Remus are back in the group, and that no one is mad at them anymore. Well, Regulus still hates James, but that’s on another topic.
On that night, they take a coach to Athens, and that’s really when the spirits perk back up: people have their clothes back, they have more or less made their peace with what happened and are ready to make a good time of the month they have left.
Ever the history nerd, Remus falls in love with Athens. Between the antique architecture, the Greek mythology references everywhere and the white marble that Remus really loves, he almost feels overwhelmed with all the information and almost doesn’t know where to look. His SD card is full in just one morning, just like it did in Mexico, Brazil and Morocco, Sirius is religiously sketching everything he sees on his notebook, and even if Remus doesn’t know exactly what he is drawing, he knows it’s beautiful and that Sirius loves Athens as much as Remus does. It’s in front of the Temple of Olympian Zeus that they meet Nico, a Greek guy who is showing his non Greek friends around the island, and apparently takes a liking to Mary, who is still flirting with every guy who looks at her twice. They get to talking, and soon enough, he has invited all of them to an ABBA themed party that night in the young neighbourhood of Athens. James literally whoops at the information, way too happy to dance all night to ABBA, of all groups. Remus and Sirius sulk, because they are certain that if they had been teenagers in the 70’s, they would have despised the Swedish group in favour of Bowie or Queen. Still, it’s a party, and Remus hasn’t been to one of those since France, and he thinks it’s long overdue. He’s eighteen after all, for God’s sake.
They arrive at 9 after dinner, because Lily, who is designated as the SAM of the party, doesn’t want to deal with idiots who drank on an empty stomach. The party is already on a full swing with ‘Gimme, Gimme, Gimme’ playing in the background, and Remus thinks that this might be what hell looks like: a bunch of drunk half-naked Greek woman dancing to ABBA with rainbow coloured cocktails in their hands. He’s way too gay for this.
His train of thought changes around eleven, when Sirius, who has caught up with everyone and is drunk as hell, finds him and presses his body against Remus’ asking to grind to ‘Waterloo’. He thinks it’s ridiculous, because Waterloo is anything but a grindable song, but who is he to deny a begging Sirius?
This is how he finds himself drunk and dancing with his boyfriend to ABBA, of all groups. His fifteen year old self would never forgive him. After thirty minutes, Sirius complains about a dry mouth, so Remus goes to get them drinks, leaving him with Marlene on the dancefloor. He doesn’t pay much attention to them, too occupied with trying to get their drink orders understood by the barman, but when he turns back, he sees a tall man griding against Sirius’ back.
At first, Remus thinks he got it wrong, that he didn’t see it correctly, but no, the man is rubbing himself against a Sirius who looks very uncomfortable and worried, as if the alcohol just caught up with him and is making him dizzy. Remus knows this look: it’s the moment Sirius either crashes out from alcohol or throws up, and Remus is more than inclined to think it’s the second option. He walks through the crowd, forgetting the drinks he paid for, and finds Sirius looking around aimlessly like a lost puppy, not paying any attention to the man rubbing onto him, or so Remus thinks. When he arrives within earshot, he realises that the man is talking to Sirius, and that Sirius is repeating ‘no’ over and over again, as though it is the only word he remembers how to say. Remus doesn’t understand what the man is saying, until he catches one sentence that makes him even madder than he was before.
“C’mon don’t be such a pussy.” The man says, still stuck to Sirius’ back, “Your boyfriend won’t have to know anything.” He says, and Remus catches Sirius’ ‘no’s’ become more and more frantic and whiny, like a child who doesn’t want to do his homework. Remus doesn’t think or wait any longer, protectiveness, jealousy and anger flaring up in his chest and puts a hand on the man’s shoulder, yanking him around to face Remus. Upon the flashing colourful lights, the man looks even uglier than he would usually, or maybe Remus is a little biased.
“He said no, you son of a bitch.” Remus growls at him, but the man only laughs.
“That’s your boyfriend? And you’re saying no to me?” he asks Sirius, who looks incredibly uncomfortable and sick, and Remus has had enough. This man doesn’t have any business bothering Sirius and making fun of Remus on the same night. And the fucking proximity he still has with Sirius is enough to make Remus feel murderous.
Without thinking any further, Remus swings his fist the way his cousin Oliver taught him to do and punches the man square in the jaw. He stumbles backward with the blow and brings a hand up to his jaw, staring at Remus in shock.
“Fucking dickhead!” the man shouts and walks back up to probably punch Remus as well, but Remus has already put an arm around Sirius and attends to get away from him as soon as possible. The man throws a punch but, whether it be alcohol or just lack of skill, Remus doesn’t know, he misses and hits the air instead.
“That’s my boyfriend, you fucking idiot.” Remus shouts at him and points to the entrance, “Get the fuck out of here.” He says with a hoarse voice and a Sirius in his arms. Without surprise, the man is ashamed by his poor performance and leaves without another word, and Remus puts all his attention back into Sirius.
“Are you okay?” he asks, barely registering ‘Dancing Queen’s first notes starting and everyone cheering.
“Hmm.” Sirius hums, “Tired.” He says, and Remus knows that he definitely drank too much: he is starting to be all childish and needy. It’s ridiculously endearing and Remus should not find it as cute as he thinks it is, but he still does and directs Sirius out of the crowd and onto the street. Sirius is leaning against him like deadweight, and sometimes starts giggling for no reason, something he does often while drunk.
“We’re going to the hotel, alright?” Remus smiles.
“But I want to dance to ABBA.” Sirius mumbles, then giggles, “You punched someone.” He says, then giggles some more.
“And that’s funny because?” Remus asks with an eyebrow raised. The street is empty, save for the occasional cat or rat running around, with the music of the party a distant buzz.
“That was hooooot.” He giggles, “My boyfriend defending me.” He grins and starts kissing the first thing he can reach: Remus’ shoulder. Remus chuckles and lets him: it’s always better than having to deal with a whining drunk Sirius. He falls silent after kissing Remus’ shoulder, snuggling himself close and almost falling asleep standing up, so much that Remus had to wake him up a few times. When they reach the hotel lobby, Sirius declares not being able to walk up the stairs, and since the lift doesn’t work at night, Remus doesn’t really have a choice. It takes a while, but in the end Remus manages to give Sirius a piggyback ride to their room on the second floor. Of course, when he asks Sirius to hop down, he finds him asleep on Remus’ back, drooling into Remus’ hair. Remus huffs out a laugh and shakes him, but he is dead asleep, so Remus simply puts him down on the bed and takes his shoes off before putting a few covers over him. Ten minutes later, when Remus has taken care of himself, brushed his teeth and changed into his pyjamas, Sirius is awake, laying sideways in bed.
He taps the left spot of the bed, Remus’, and Remus slides in front of him. “Don’t you want to go brush your teeth, maybe?”
“Later.” He mumbles, “I want a hug now.” He says, and really, who is Remus to deny him?
He draws Sirius in a big hug, enveloping him in his arms and letting Sirius nuzzle his nose against Remus’ neck. They stay like this for a while, until Sirius sighs.
“Now you know how it feels.” He whispers against Remus’ neck, “Seeing someone flirt with me.” He says, and Remus wants to snort bitterly and mention that yeah, he knows, because he has been watching it happen for the past three years, but he refrains from doing so. It’s not the same, Remus knows.
Instead, Remus snorts, “I punched someone today.” He says, making Sirius giggle, “I never thought it would happen.”
“I’m sure your hand hurts.” Sirius teases, and Remus bursts out laughing when he realises that yeah, his hand is a little sore.
“God, I hope no one ever does that again. It really hurts.” Remus grins and upon hearing Sirius’ laughs, he falls asleep with a smile on his face.
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The second day in Athens goes just as wonderfully as the first; after seeing all the antique site with the Parthenon and the Acropolis the first day, they can concentrate on the more modern side of the city with all of it’s museums. Remus absolutely eats up everything Moody says in the Acropolis Museum because it’s all so damn interesting, and his inner child who was obsessed with Percy Jackson feels right at home. All his friends, even Lily, which is an indignation on its own, make fun of him the entire day, calling him – rightfully so – a huge nerd, especially when he explains extremely nerdy or geeky stuff to them related to Greek mythology. Despite the slander, he doesn’t regret being this interested anyway, even less when Sirius violently makes out with him that evening, calling him ‘Professor Moony’ and a ‘yummy teacher’ that has Remus laughing and blushing.
The next morning, the seventh day in Greece, they take a ferry for five hours to Mikonos. Sirius is grinning the entire time, demanding of Remus to hold him like Rose in Titanic, and when he refuses, he forces James instead. Remus has come to really love taking the ferry to places, exploring the sitting areas, arcade rooms and even cinema rooms sometimes, but in the end, he always ends up on the front of the boat with his friends, looking over the sea. Again, because it seems to be a religion here since Mamma Mia!, ABBA is playing in the background, and Remus will be damned if he ever admits out loud that he is starting to really like their songs. He even found himself humming along to Angeleyes the other day. How shameful.
It's one in the afternoon when they reach the island, and Mary, Dorcas, James and Sirius are enamoured right away: they all love the white and blue theme of the island that seems to be everywhere, and admittedly, Remus does too. It’s not as warm as everywhere else, despite is being late August, and Remus is certain that it is because of the white everywhere reflecting the light and warmth. It’s beautiful, and everyone is asking Lily and Remus to take their pictures, which they oblige right away. Later that day, it’s a picture of Marlene and Dorcas grinning and laughing next to a very stern Regulus in a grey paved street with white walls surrounding it that Remus posts on his Instagram.
Around nine at night, after eating a small salad at a restaurant, they hear music coming from a big place and without shock, its what the island is known for, after all, there is a festival going on with a small live band and loads of people dancing. The music is rather classical yet dynamic, and women are dancing barefoot in colourful dresses with their white shirt laden boyfriends or husbands. Well, not everyone is: Remus notices right away a couple of lesbian and gay couples too, and it kind of makes him warm in the chest, to know that he isn’t alone. So, when Sirius asks him to dance like Remus knew he would, Remus simply grins at him and offers his hands, relishing in the way Sirius’ eyes glow and his grin stretches wider, hurrying to take his shoes off to do like everyone else is. Soon enough, Lily, Dorcas, Mary and Pandora are barefoot too, dancing with James, Marlene, and two strangers who have kept their shoes on. It’s a nice tradition, Remus thinks, and just like Pandora said as soon as they arrived: it’s just like in Tangled, when Rapunzel dances in the town centre.
Sirius spins around Remus’ arm with a huge smile on his face and a laugh stretched on the lines in his face, his hair carefree and flying with every of his dance moves and his eyes big and happy, full of joy, and Remus thinks that if he can feel this way his entire life, like dancing with his boyfriend in the middle of a Greek town at eighteen years old completely sober and high on happiness, he will be the happiest man on earth.
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The next day is let free by Moody, and their entire group is determined to finally have a game of beach volley. They haven’t had one in at least two weeks, if not three, and they all really want to settle the score once and for all with no revenge or counter revenge, even if they all know that they will want to have a rematch in Türkiye anyway. So, they all sleep in the morning and head to the beach around eleven am, with nothing but beach shorts and towels. It’s been a while since Remus has felt insecure about his scars: it seems that having someone to remind him everyday that his scars are beautiful and nothing to be ashamed of was a real breakthrough in his want to get rid of his stupid insecurities.
Anyway, their plans to go to the beach are ruined almost as soon as they step foot outside of the hotel. There, on the pavement, in a small orange kitten meowing, looking at them like they are its only hope of ever making it out alive. And of course, this is enough to disrupt their entire life plans.
Remus notices the number of stray cats in Mikonos almost right away, because there really is so many that Remus can’t just not notice, but it’s usually big scruffy cats, not harmless little creatures that are obviously in need of help. Not creatures that have almost their entire group of people cooing and baby talking to it.
As soon as Remus sees it, he points it out on instinct, telling Sirius to look at the cute cat, but he didn’t exactly expect Sirius to gasp and crouch down, and to begin petting it.
“It could have rabies! Sirius, put it down.” Remus orders him, but Sirius stares at him like he is a monster.
“‘Put it down’ are you kidding me, Remus John? Do you not have a heart?” he asks, holding the kitten to his chest like a baby, “I can’t leave it alone, it needs a mum!”
Mary immediately gasps when she sees the kitten, making Lily, James and Pandora turn too. “You want to abandon this little baby?” Mary accuses Remus, “He doesn’t have a heart, this one.” She says in a shocked tone. With her words, she approaches Sirius to pet the cat as well, followed by the blonde and the redhead.
“Oh no, I think I fell in love.” Lily breathes out as she pets the small kitten, who purrs sweetly under her nails, “Oh, no.”
“Guys, we’re wasting beach time, let’s go, there’s like a thousands cats on this island.” Remus says, and has for only response a few pairs of affronted eyes snap up to him.
“Is it crazy that I want to keep it?” James asks, not paying any mind to what Remus said, “I mean, it’s kind of unrealistic, but maybe just enough that it is doable?” he tries.
“Oh, yeah, no we’re keeping it.” Sirius nods at James, “Even if Moony doesn’t have a heart and wants to let it die on the street.”
“I can take care of it.” Pandora says, and pries it away from Sirius’ hands, “It’s a girl. Oh, she’s sweet.” She smiles, “She can’t be older than a month at best.”
Mary cocks her head, “How do you know this stuff, Panda?”
“I did an internship at a vet. Picked up a few things.” She smiles at them, “Oh, orange girls are quite rare, you know? She’s lucky.”
“She’s just like you, Lils!” Mary exclaims, and Lily blushes a little under her smile.
“Oh, we should call her Juniper.” James grins, making Lily groan.
“I’m going to regret telling you my middle name.” she says and obviously, the entire group laughs.
“Yeah, she’s Juniper now.” Sirius grins.
“Wait, are we really adopting a cat now?” Dorcas asks them.
“That seems a little insane.” Regulus deadpans, but Pandora only laughs.
“Like you aren’t insane yourself!” she grins, “No, I’m taking Juni home whether you like it or not.”
“Hey, I’m the one who found her!” Sirius exclaims, “I deserve at least half of the custody.”
“I’m the one who named her!” James adds, “I deserve a third.” He demands.
“Well, that obviously doesn’t make sense.” Mary rolls her eyes, “Lily and I deserve a part too.”
“Let’s all adopt her together.” Pandora suggests, “I’m opening an animal shelter when this is all done anyway, I have space for her.” She smiles.
“Who’s in?” James asks, “Because Grumpy Moony surely doesn’t want a part in this.”
“I’m in!” Marlene raises her hand, making Regulus raise an eyebrow at her, “What? I love cats.” She shrugs.
“Not very butch of you, Kinnon.” Dorcas teases, “I’m in too.”
“I never said I wasn’t in.” Remus corrects, “I obviously don’t want to be left out.”
“Reg hasn’t said that he wanted a part. You wouldn’t be all left out.” James shrugs, and Regulus cuts him a sharp glare.
“It’s Regulus. No, actually, you just lost ‘Regulus’ privileges. You can call me Black now.” He tells James in a biting tone, “I want a part too.”
Sirius chuckles, “What, just to prove James wrong?”
“Yes.” Regulus nods sternly, making Dorcas and Pandora grin knowingly.
“Alright, so like, Juni has nine parents now?” Mary asks, looking around the group.
“I’m still not on board with the name.” Lily tries, only to get ignored by everyone.
“Four dads and five mums.” Sirius grins, “That kid’s going to be loved.”
So, this is how they got a nice addition to their nine people group: a small ginger cat that purrs like crazy and meows all the time. They go to the beach later anyway, only they don’t play beach volley in favour of fawning over Juni while Pandora examines her more closely: she doesn’t have rabies nor any ticks although she has fleas, so they rush to a 24h vet they find in town and buy the necessary stuff to get her rid of them. Lily, Mary and Pandora volunteer for the task, and Remus is horrified to think that he actually wouldn’t mind taking care of the cat every now and then. He’s a farm man, after all, he loves animals.
Juni quickly becomes their mascot: she’s playful and so incredibly cute you can’t get quite enough of her, and she fits in everywhere: at the beach, she stays in Sirius’ arms, during visits she slots herself in Mary’s or Lily’s top, looking out the world like a baby in a carrier, and at the bar, she sleeps on James’ or Pandora’s lap while occasionally lapping at the small bottle cap full of water they keep close for her. It kind of makes them all feel like adults, having something to take care of, and Remus really likes it: he feels like a parent, asking Lily if she brought cat food to the bar or if they need to buy more stuff for her. They all debate who should ask Moody if they can keep her for the remaining month, and finally settle on Lily and Pandora; they have been the most invested, with Mary and Sirius too, and they have caused the less trouble out of the whole group. It takes a little convincing, because Moody isn’t too fond of living creatures, even humans, but when they promise that they will take care of it entirely and that he won’t have to worry about it, he agrees, even if reluctantly.
So, on the night of the eighth day in Greece, as they board on the last ferry of their whole journey, they have a cat carrier, a bag of cat food, a bag of litter and recipients for her food and water, while Juni is happily sleeping in between Mary’s breasts, a funny joke from Marlene who put her there at dinner. It’s a ten-hour journey to Rhodes, and while they could’ve taken a plane, Remus likes being on the sea a lot more. In another lifetime, he thinks, he would have been a pirate. Falling asleep to the sound of waves has always been a faraway fantasy to Remus, something that could maybe happen in a long while, when retired and living in small beach town. The more he thinks about it, the more he really wants it to happen.
They arrive in Rhodes at seven am, and since they slept almost all through the ferry, they are ready to explore the island. Since there is a little less history there, less things to photograph, Remus spends most of his time joking and laughing with his friends rather than listening to Moody talk about the island. It’s one of the first time he doesn’t listen to Moody conscientiously, and it’s refreshing: he can just look at the island, at the beauty of the sea, of the ruins, of the streets, without worrying about which army walked here, what event took place right here, who lived or died there. He still feels a little curious, when they reach the Acropolis of Lindo, but it’s faint, and he’d rather wonder why a bunch of upright stones are there while laughing with James, Marlene and Pandora, than be alone with Moody and knowing. He feels more carefree regarding his studies, something he probably has never really felt in his life before, and reality is extremely quick to catch up with him.
It's around seven, before Moody dismisses them for dinner, and mentions something he kind of forgot about during the last few weeks: the thesis they have to write. He mentions it in passing, just a ‘I hope you have started to think about what you will write on your thesis’, and it’s enough to make Remus panic. It’s the sole reason they were all accepted into the Experience Trip, it was, technically, so that they could get have material to write their doctoral thesis on, and therefore get their university degree more easily. Obviously, almost everyone sees it as simply a detail, but Remus needs this, he really does, because he doesn’t know how he will graduate from Cambridge and demark himself from others if he doesn’t have a unique experience around international history.
He thinks about it although dinner, only stops when Juni walks along the table like it belongs to her and starts licking empty plates, because it’s cute and endearing, but it’s really bothering him: the thing is that he saw so many things, and still has many more to see, so he doesn’t know exactly what to concentrate on. It’s the 30th of August, logically, he should have some sort of idea about what he will write, but he really doesn’t. It seems clear that he should write about the diversity, and the impact of culture, religion and history on the city landscapes, but how exactly does he word it? And how does he make it a 100k words dissertation out of it? Remus is a literature and history nerd, but writing? He really has no idea how to put his ideas down on paper, let alone make them last long enough to meet the word count.
He is eighteen, and yet he hasn’t put that much thought into his future. It all still feels so far away, still even if he will enter university in less than two months. He knows the big lines: get a flat in Cambridge, he will go to university, follow his classes like a dog, work his arse off for five years until he gets his degree, then take his professor’s place and teach the students who are basically his age, or sometimes older than him. That’s the plan. Now, how he manages to get through it, that’s another question.
He looks to his right, where Sirius is laughing at something Dorcas said, and thinks that really, he has no idea where Sirius will fit in his life once the trip is over. Sirius has always talked about London: despite living in London in Grimmauld Place, he wasn’t really ever allowed to explore the rest of the city until he was sixteen and living with James. He always said, even if only ever as a joke or wishful thinking that Remus knows he means, deep down, that he wanted to live in London and own a tattoo shop. As much as Remus loves Sirius, he doesn’t love the fact that come October, they will be forced to enter a long-distance relationship. He hates that fact, actually, and hates even more that he doesn’t know if their relationship will be tough enough to resist the distance.
When they leave the restaurant, Sirius asks him if he is alright, and Remus almost lies. He almost smiles and says that he is fine, simply tired, but lately, he has been trying to lie less. He wants to become the best version of himself, and lying has to disappear from his tendencies. That’s why he never speaks with his mum on the phone for more than five minutes at a time anymore.
So, instead of lying, Remus asks him if they can take a walk along the beach, just the two of them. It’s always hard, to think and talk about his feelings, but he is learning. He wants to be a better man, for Sirius, for his mum, for himself. After ten minutes of walking silently, hand in hand along the beach, Remus breaks the silence.
“I was thinking about after the trip.” He confesses, “I know there’s this weird thing where we never talk about what happens after, but I think I really need to talk about it. We need to talk about it.” He tries, and doesn’t miss the way Sirius’ lip tugs in a mocking smirk. He can almost hear his thoughts ‘look at you, all grown up and talkative!’, but Sirius doesn’t say them, and Remus doesn’t respond, just smiles.
“What about it?” Sirius prompts him, looking straight at Remus. Without talking, they sit on some bench together to make the discussion easier.
Remus sighs, “I guess…how are we going to fit? I mean, I’m going to be in Cambridge, and you’ll be in London getting your tattoo shop, and I guess I’m just worrying about long distance and stuff.” He says, and Sirius breaks the eye contact. He stares at the sea in front of them for a beat, then squeezes Remus’ hand.
“I don’t think I want to go to London.” He mumbles, “I-There’s just too much stuff that makes me think of her there.” Sirius explains, shutting his eyes. The sun has set since long, and the moon crescent is up high, making Remus think of the moons they both have tattooed on their hips.
“Really?” Remus frowns. He was certain that Walburga never left her house, deeming the rest of London not proper enough for her, with not proper enough people.
“I don’t know.” Sirius sighs, “I always said London, because it was the coolest place I could think of at the time, but now, after seeing all of those places, I don’t know.” He admits, “It’s just that when I think of living in London, I feel like she would always be lurking over me. I don’t want her to have any control over my life anymore.” He explains, and really, Remus understands. Sometimes places hurt too much, bring back up too dreadful memories for anyone to consider living in them all along. That’s why Remus hates Cardiff with all he has.
“I understand. Her presence is the problem.” Remus summarises, and Sirius simply nods.
“Yeah.” He whispers, “It’s always the problem.” He sighs, “I hate it so much. I have trouble maintaining a normal conversation with Reg because of her. Because of everything that happened that should make us hate each other more than ever. She ruined everything.” He repeats in a tired voice.
“Hey.” Remus puts an arm around Sirius waist, solely to make him feel less alone, “You’re doing everything you can. You managed to fix so much of that relationship in about a month when you hadn’t talked for two years. You can’t expect everything to be perfect already.” He tires.
“But it shouldn’t be this way!” he exclaims, “I shouldn’t have trouble talking to my own brother, that’s not normal! I hate it so much, Remus.” He says and shifts closer to Remus, seeking comfort that Remus gives right away in pets in his hair.
“I know, I know.” He sighs and kisses the top of Sirius’ head, “But you’re doing the best you can, and that’s really all you can do.” He whispers, and Sirius sighs.
“Yeah, I guess.” He says and stays in a silence for a moment. Remus doesn’t dare break it, and it lasts for ten minutes until Sirius speaks back up again, unless this time sporting a huge grin.
“Were you asking me to move in with you earlier?” he asks happily, and Remus almost wants to roll his eyes.
“I don’t have a flat yet.” He deadpans, and Sirius only grins wider.
“You were! Aw, Moons, you could’ve just asked!” he grins and covers Remus’ face with kisses, still not stopping when Remus struggles out of his hold.
“I was just wondering if you were still going to London.” Remus shrugs, and Sirius laughs.
“So if I tell you that I’m moving to Cambridge instead, do you make me get my own flat?” he asks dramatically.
Remus only shrugs, “If you’re still as unsufferable.” He says, and Sirius huffs.
“Right, I’m the annoying one here.” He rolls his eyes, “Who do you think you’re lying to?”
“Alright, alright, Pads.” Remus smiles at him, “No need to get all sassy.” He rolls his eyes, “Do you want to move in with me in Cambridge in October?”
Of course, ever the comedian, Sirius scrunches his face in fake emotion and fans his hand over his face like trying to dry his tears out, “Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!” he shouts, kissing Remus on the mouth this time, that Remus very much reiterates with a laugh on his lips.
“But I’m not sure there’s a tattoo shop there.” He winces a little, and Sirius only shrugs.
“There’s costumers. Lots of them.” He grins, “We’re going to get it, our little life.” Sirius smiles, his eyes glistening under the stars, and Remus almost wants to believe him. So he asks.
“What will it look like? Our flat?” he watches as Sirius’ eyes light up and how he settles back in his seat, looking out at the stars in thought.
“I’ve never had my own place.” Sirius smiles softly, “So I never got to decorate much.”
Remus snorts, “Must I remind you of all the posters you put up in the dorm? That red and yellow weird rug you made us keep for a year?” he asks, and Sirius laughs.
“That doesn’t count.” He grins, “That rug was wonderful though. I won’t stand for any slander.”
“Sure you won’t, Padfoot.” Remus rolls his eyes, “I’m open for any suggestion, but the rug doesn’t enter our place. Ever.” He demands, and Sirius only smirks mischievously.
“Sure it won’t, Moonbeam.” He repeats, making Remus shake his head in laughter. “I’d like a lot of fairy lights.” He says, once they both settle back into silence. “They kind of look like stars sometimes.”
Remus nods, “Yeah, I’d like that too.” He smiles, “The only thing I really want is a bookshelf.” He says, and Sirius chuckles.
“You know, I could’ve guessed that.” He grins, “We need something to show off our vinyls.”
“Oh, yeah definitely. With both of our collections, we’re going to need some space.” Remus smiles at him.
“God, we need a big place, don’t we? I mean, we need to be able to host all the lot for game nights.” Sirius interjects, and Remus purses his lips.
“Definitely. I can’t imagine losing contact with them come October.” Remus says, and Sirius snaps his head towards him.
“Obviously not. They’re in for life, whether they like it or not.” Sirius frowns at Remus, who only smiles.
“What a horrible destiny.” He shakes his head, “Forced to a lifetime of game nights with us.”
Sirius chuckles, “Really dreadful.” He says, then sighs happily, “I’m going to love our little life.”
“Yeah.” Remus smiles at Sirius, “Me too.” As long as it’s next to you.