Italy
Interlude: Lily’s pov
People have always been a huge part of Lily’s life. She has always been outgoing, and her parents say that she is incredibly caring for her friends and family. And of course, caring too much means being hurt when those people leave.
It is something that she learned when she was 10 and got a scholarship for Rowena, a huge and prestigious school that she never dreamed she could attend, and that her happiness was stomped away when her sister said that she was an undeserving swot, and stopped being her sister from this day onwards. When Lily found herself alone in a new, big school without the comfort of knowing her big sister would be there by her side.
This knowledge led her to be more and more wary of who she befriended, who she gave her heart to, because she knows that when she cares about someone, she cares all the way. Befriending Marlene McKinnon was a no thinker: the quiet, insecure blonde girl who became fierce and confident when boys were mean to Lily was always meant to have one of the fondest parts of Lily’s heart. Mary Macdonald was different: she was also a scholarship student, and got the same hate as Lily around the school, but she never cared or needed Marlene’s protection; instead, she stood proudly at Lily’s side and claimed that yes, they weren’t posh prats but smart students who worked their way into Rowena. Mary was happy and carefree and made Lily feel like she had a new pillar in her life, the pillar that her sister, Petunia, had destroyed.
Befriending Severus Snape was the great mistake of her life. Like Petunia, he’d taken a part of her heart she had so carefully wrapped for him and stomped on it until there was nothing but blood. The worst is that she knows that he didn’t mean to, that he was only a little clumsy and stupid, but it doesn’t mean that she deserved to be treated this way. She knows, to some extent, that he did truly love her, but he wasn’t the best at showing it. In the end, it taught her a lesson, just like all things that could have been avoided but weren’t and brought in a lot of hurt.
From there, she had to be even more careful about who she cared for. Sure, small friendships here and there were always alright, but really caring got harder with time. Lily didn’t mind, she had Marlene and Mary with her anyway, but she was still nicely surprised when James Potter managed to break the ice around her heart.
He was lovely from the beginning, even when he was creepily looking at her in Japan or clumsily trying to talk to her in Korea. Lily found it endearing and sweet, that he was interested in her and not scared of showing it. And then, in Australia, he became bolder and more flirtatious, like he’d swallowed a confidence pill and managed to really sweep Lily off her feet in a way she would be ashamed of if it wasn’t James Potter. Because he never made her feel bad about it.
And there the daydream continued. After he finally kissed her in New York, Lily felt the walls she so carefully brought up around her heart crumble all at once. She still doesn’t know why she slept with him on the first night, although the tight spiderman costume might have something to do with that, but it was the beginning of a new feeling, a new Lily. He made her feel happier, more carefree, and young, a feeling she couldn’t remember having in an existence of playing by the rules and getting hurt by her peers.
Where Lily Evans cares deeply and about very select people, James Potter loves like he will never get the chance to do so again. He wears his heart out on his sleeve, and gives his everything to the people he loves, sometimes forgetting to leave something for himself. The way he loves is one of the first things Lily noticed, from the way he talks about his friends or looks at them, the way he would make sure it was alright with Sirius and Remus to leave them to spend time with Lily back in Australia.
You must have realised, Lily notices a lot of things, and right now, as she walks along the streets of Milan with her boyfriend, she notices two things: his hand is almost limp in hers and he has a quiet, faraway look on his face. She has noticed this look a few times already, and it usually means that he is deep in thought; whether that thought be what kind of bird peacocks are or something much deeper he hasn’t yet shared with Lily, usually answering with a ‘nothing, sorry’ when asked. From the look on his face, it is most likely the second option.
“Hey.” Lily squeezes his hand, snapping him out of his thoughts, “What’s going on?” she asks. He turns to look at her, his beautiful, calm brown eyes falling upon hers, the guilty turn of his mouth, and she can see the dismissal coming from miles. She raises her eyebrows in warning, and he simply sighs.
“I’ve promised not to tell.” He bites his lip, “So don’t say anything.” He asks, and Lily smiles. You don’t grow up with Mary Macdonald without developing a love for gossip.
“Promise.” She nods.
James sighs and looks ahead of him, where Pandora, Dorcas and Regulus are walking along. It has been a nice addition to their group, even if Lily hasn’t really had the occasion to talk to him in the last few days he has been around. With Peter and Sybill more or less gone, the group felt like it was missing someone.
“Sirius asked me not to talk to Regulus. He hates me, apparently.” He explains, pinching his mouth. “I just don’t understand why.”
Lily cocks her head, “Could it be something you did in school?” she asks, and James pinches his mouth sheepishly.
“I mean, I wasn’t really quiet.” He smiles to himself, even if a little guiltily, “With Sirius, Remus and Peter, we were the pranksters of the school. And, well, most of our pranks were destined to Regulus and his friends.”
“Well.” Lily chuckles, “It sounds like he has a reason.”
James chuckles but quickly gets back to frowning, “I never really had anyone hate me.” He confesses and bites his lip in the way he always does when he’s thinking. “Should I apologise, even if he doesn’t want to speak to me?”
“You could try, yeah.” Lily shrugs, “If it makes you feel better.” She nods, and even if she doesn’t like the idea of James thinking so deeply about his old crush, she doesn’t have the right to be jealous. Even if she caught him looking at him more than once in the past few days. She takes her look over her shoulder to where Sirius and Mary are laughing and thinks that no, she definitely doesn’t have a right.
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“Ugh!” Mary groans as she slaps her phone on the table, “Men!” she swears and sits in her chair. They are down at a restaurant in Milan in their first day in Italy, a day that Remus really enjoyed. He spent most of it with Marlene, something that decidedly doesn’t happen often, but he thoroughly enjoyed it. Of course, it was a picture of her brandishing her arms in front of the Duomo Milan, the cathedral, that ended up on his Instagram that day.
“What happened?” Lily asks and rubs her hand over her back in a soothing manner.
“Djibril has a girlfriend.” Mary announces, taking a piece of bread off the basket on the table, “And he has been talking to me for a full fucking month!” she throws her arms.
“Men.” Dorcas rolls her eyes.
“You’re a lesbian.” Remus remarks.
“With reason.” Marlene smirks. “Honestly Mary, forget him. He wasn’t that hot to begin with.”
“Again, you’re a lesbian.” Remus repeats, making everyone chuckle, even Mary.
“I’m done! I’m fucking done with men.” Mary declares, and surprisingly, Regulus, who has been pretty discreet until then, speaks up.
“Who is this Djibril?” he asks.
“A man she picked up in Morocco.” Pandora answers, “Pretty, but his aura was grey.” She nods to herself, like it makes perfect sense.
Regulus nods, “If you want someone to hurt him.” He offers Mary, then settles back into his chair, obviously done speaking.
“Damn, Little Black.” Marlene smirks, “Who knew you were such a badass?”
He rolls his eyes, “I can hurt you too, you know.” He warns, making her laugh and ruffle his hair. He cuts her a sharp glare but doesn’t retaliate. From the way Sirius looks at Remus, he knows there’s a good chance Marlene wakes up covered in egg yolk the next morning.
“What can we do to help, Mary?” James asks her sweetly.
“I can pretend to be your boyfriend, if you want.” Sirius suggests.
“No, Pads, we can pretend to be her boyfriends.” Peter, who deigned to eat with them for once, adds. Right then, the waiter takes their order, obviously all types of pizza, and leaves.
“That’s a fine plan, Wormy.” Sirius smirks, “Or we can put up his email to a bunch of newsletters.”
“Put his email on a feet fetishist website.” Remus grins wickedly.
James laughs, “That’s my crazy Moony! I swear he was always the mastermind behind all our pranks. Anything else?”
Remus purses his lips in thought, “It’d be easier if he lived here. We could egg his car, slash his tires, switch his windshield wipers product for soap so that it bubbles…” he lists, and is only cut off by Dorcas laughing.
“Why are all your ideas car related?”
“I thought we had a theme going on.” He shrugs, “Things we could do from a distance, well we can put his number on a weird add on Craigslist so that he gets a bunch of weird calls, we can put his email everywhere, or oh! I know!” he exclaims, “We make him join a cult!”
Lily snorts, “How do you make him do that?”
Remus shrugs, “Easy, we call the cult, put his name and address and say that we desperately want to join, that if we say no in the future, it’s because of an influence. This way he’s tied.”
“This is going a little far.” Mary tries, but Regulus cuts her off.
“No, I love this side of you, Lupin, continue.”
“Thanks, Reggie.” Remus smiles.
“It’s Regulus.” He warns.
“Whatever you say, Reggie. We can enlist him in the army, or in Alcoholics Anonyms.” He snorts, “That’d be funny. Or, you know, since he’s deeply homophobic, we create an account for him on Grindr.”
“Oh, yes, I like that one!” Marlene grins.
“We can call the cops on him too, put him in the thick of it. We order a thousand non-returnable donuts to that he has like three thousand pounds or whatever the currency is of donuts to pay. We could also hire an electrician to mess up all the wires in his flat so that when he flips a switch it lights the wrong room.” He bites his lips in thought, “Anyone has anything else?”
He looks back at the table to find all of his friends gawking at him, except James, Peter and Sirius. Sirius is the first to break the silence.
“Fucking crazy, my Moony.” He shakes his head.
“What?” he frowns.
“That’s exactly why I love him.” James grins, “He has the best ideas ever.”
Regulus squints at him, “I’m ready to bet that the day I woke up with bubbles and foam all over my dorm was your doing, wasn’t it Lupin?”
Sirius smirks, “The Barty Crouch Jr shaped body bag on Christmas too.”
“And the roosters running loose in your dorm in eleventh grade.” James adds, but Regulus only glares at him, ignoring his words.
“Hey, you were all on board with them!” Remus gapes at his friends.
“Sorry mate, but you’re the evil genius out of all of us.” James nods at him.
“Yeah, Moony, it’s always your ideas.” Peter smiles. Mary turns to them.
“Alright, I think most of those ideas are a little far-fetched. I mean, it was a month-long flirt, not like I was in love with him.” She rolls her eyes.
“Come on Mary!” Marlene grins, “Don’t you want to know his life became shit because of how he treated you?”
“Getting back at an ex is very satisfying.” Regulus nods, and Sirius almost snaps his neck to look at him.
“Excuse me? Because you have an ex?”
Regulus looks at him, “Not your business.”, he says, making Sirius gape.
“I agree with Regulus.” Pandora smiles, “I once had the sweetest revenge on a boy. I fed him soup that made him sick for a month.” She explains.
“You poisoned someone, Panda?” Dorcas frowns at her friend.
“That’s my girl.” Regulus smirks.
Pandora only shrugs. “He had it coming.” She says, and Lily brings them back to the matter at hand.
“Alright, about Djibril. Mary, are you sure you want revenge? How do you really feel about it?” she asks sweetly, still running her hand up and down Mary’s back.
She shrugs, “I don’t honestly care. I mean, I mostly feel sorry for his girlfriend.” She admits, “Like the coward he is, he didn’t even tell me himself. It’s his sister who saw our conversations on his phone and texted me.” Mary explains.
“What a fucking dick.” Marlene rolls her eyes.
“Don’t I know it. She gave me his girlfriend’s number, and I sent her a message explaining everything. She still hasn’t seen it.” Mary explains.
“That’s great of you, Mary.” Remus smiles. Then, Mary chuckles.
“I’m honestly fucking mad that I didn’t hook up with any Spanish guy or French man.” She sighs out, making everybody laugh.
“There she is!” Marlene grins, hugging Mary by the side, “It’s not like you to be brought down by guys.”
Mary looks at her and gives her a small smile, “Yeah, I know.” She says quietly.
“So, you really don’t want to get revenge?” Remus asks again, making everybody laugh.
_________________________________
The next day, they head over to Verone for a quick visit in the morning, then to Venise for the next two days. From what Moody has told them, they have a lot of things to do, and only ten days to do them in, so they won’t have many free day or relaxed moments. The thing is that Italy is huge and full of history, basically a paradise for a guide like Moody on a history and culture-based trip, so they have to be quick and ready to see everything. In Venise, for example, they’re only allowed to take a trip on the boats around seven at night, after a day full of walking, 34 kilometres total, while listen to Moody ramble on about the history. Remus takes a lot of pictures, of the Po and numerous bridges crossing it, such as the Rialto bridge, of the buildings and architecture, but like in Paris, he spends most of it with Sirius, who demands him by his side in Italy’s most romantic city.
“What kind of boyfriend would I be if I left you alone is Italy’s most romantic city?” Sirius grins at him, and takes his hand through most of the visit, and still doesn’t let go in the boat. They sit side by side, grinning at each other like lovesick fools as the an old man with a guitar plays on the boat with them, and Remus is weirdly reminded of a similar setting in Japan.
“Hey, do you remember the boat in Osaka?” Remus asks him.
Sirius nods, “Yes, I do. You thought you were going to become an asshole.” He reminds, making Remus chuckle and raise an eyebrow.
“Well, what’s the verdict, four months in?” he smiles.
“Hmm, I don’t know.” Sirius strokes his chin as if in thought, “Really a difficult question. I’d have to think about it.” He teases.
“Oh, come off it.” Remus grins, nudging him with his shoulder. Sirius grins and nudges him back, squeezing his hand.
“If i remember correctly, I was wondering what kind of person I’d become.” Remus continues, and Sirius stares at him.
“I know it’s not over yet, but are you happy about who you’ve become?” Sirius asks him, “I mean, I know that if I told you four months ago that you’d have an Instagram account you update every day, you would have probably told me that I was full of crap.”
Remus chuckles, “Yeah, and even more if you told me you were my boyfriend.” He snorts to himself. Sometimes it still feels like he’s dreaming all of this.
“What do you mean?” Sirius frowns in confusion.
Remus stares at him incredulously, “I thought you were straight. I thought my life would forever just be looking at you be happy with some other girl.” He shrugs.
“And you were okay with that?” Sirius raises his eyebrows. When Remus only frowns at him, Sirius continues, “Moony, those two weeks you spent with fucking Adrian-“ Remus cuts him off.
“Alex”, he corrects.
“Right, Axel, they were the worst weeks of my fucking life.”
Remus raises an eyebrows and chuckles, “Don’t you think you’re exaggerating a bit?”
“No, I really can’t think of worse.” Sirius says.
“What about the time you almost died and ran out of your parents house?” Remus prompts.
“It wasn’t that bad.” Sirius rolls his eyes.
“What about all the childhood trauma?” Remus tries again, frowning.
“Was that a big deal?” Sirius continues.
“Come on, Pads, there was obviously worse at some point!” Remus throws his hands.
Sirius frowns, trying to think of something, “I can’t think of anything-Oh, right, this year you spent with Kingsley. That was fucking torture.”
“What do you mean?” Remus frowns, “It’s not like I was flaunting it.”
“Right you weren’t.” Sirius rolls his eyes, “You were with him all the time and you looked at him like the sun shines out of his fucking arse.”
Remus looks at him and bites his lip to suppress a laugh, “Anything else?”
“It’s like that fucker was trying to rile me up, always fucking kissing you at our doorstep like in a bloody Nora Ephron movie.” Sirius rolls his eyes, “Oh his fucking nicknames too, God I hated them.” He rolls his eyes again, harder, and it’s a wonder they don’t get stuck behind his brains.
“What was wrong with them?” Remus frowns, “He called me ‘Rem’ and sometimes ‘love’. I’ve seen worse.”
Sirius raises his eyebrows, “Is anything worse? It’s wonder I didn’t fucking kill myself. No, I think what I hated most was how you’d fucking swoon over him, God it was pathetic.” He swears, again, and Remus can’t hold it in any longer. He bursts out laughing, doubling over himself in attempts to catch his breath.
“Stop laughing! Hey, you’re being mean!” Sirius pouts, but also has a smile tugging at his lips.
“Sorry, I just,” Remus tries, still laughing, “You’re hilarious when you’re jealous, I just,” he laughs again soundlessly, clutching at his middle, “Jesus, I’m sorry.” He exhales, still laughing a little.
“You know what? You were right, you did become an asshole. Fuck you.” Sirius raises his eyebrows at him and crosses his arms, feigning angry, but still with a smile on his lips.
__________________________
The third day in Italy, they head over to Bologna, where Remus welcomes back the orange and pink buildings he so clearly loved in the south of France. Because they so clearly have to, they eat spaghetti Bolognese, the city specialty, and walk along the streets and monuments. For once, Moody seems to have less to say and simply guides them along the streets to look at the carved-out fountains, like the Fontanna del Nettuno, or to walk along the Portici de Bologna. It’s sunny and beautiful, and the group once again divides in two: Lily, James, Sirius, Remus and Mary on one side and Pandora, Dorcas, Marlene and Regulus on the other. Peter and Sybill are nowhere to be seen, and when Remus does find them, they’re laughing along with other people in the Experience Remus has never actually noticed. It saddens him a little, because it feels like he’s losing his best friend, but honestly, he knew that he and Peter would drift away with time. He just didn’t expect it to be this soon.
Near the end of the day, they walk past a florist that Remus wouldn’t have given a glance twice if Sirius hadn’t turned his head to stare at them, still turning his head to look at them as they walked. Of course, because he doesn’t know how to refuse Sirius anything, he smiles at him and takes his hand to look at the flowers for closely. Sirius grins and looks at the roses, lilies and tulips with an awed look on his face. In the end, because he’s a stupid romantic who’s in love, Remus buys Sirius a bouquet of a dozen red roses that has Sirius look so awed he might cry. He crashes into Remus with a hug, kisses him deeply and continues his day with a dopey smile on his face, stopping every few minutes to either kiss Remus, or his hand, or to plunge his nose in the roses and smile.
With a Sirius as happy and lovely as this, it’s difficult not to jump and tell him he loves him at every occasion, but he is honestly waiting for Sirius to do so: he came this far, he can’t screw it all up now by frightening Sirius just because he felt like he might explode if he didn’t say it. Also, Remus isn’t sure he can actually say it because of his stupid issues and insecurities, so he’ll settle for showing it to Sirius with little attentions like this.
Mary almost crashes out when she sees the bouquet, whining about how unfair life is, Lily crosses her arms and looks at James who almost runs to the store to do the same, and laughs when she tells him that she was kidding. Without surprise, Lily buys flowers for James too, and also for Mary, probably to stop her whining. Sirius offers to buy Remus flowers, who only raises his eyebrow, and mumbles a ‘no, thank you’.
In the end, when the entire group minus Peter and Sybill join each other, Mary and Sirius have red roses, Lily has a bouquet of lilies because James thinks he’s being funny, and James has a sunflower surrounded by baby’s breath and other small flowers. They all get called ‘pathetically romantics assholes’ by Marlene, Dorcas and Regulus who judge them very freely, and murderers by Pandora, who declares that none of these flowers should have been cut.
On the fourth day, they head to Florence, which Sirius declares to be his favourite city so far. There are monuments, cathedrals and huge, imposing buildings everywhere, at every corner, every shake of a head. In not even three hours, Remus’ SD card on his camera is full, which isn’t shocking seeing at how many monuments there is to look at. They quickly eat a bowl of pasta for lunch and continue visiting, whether it be the Ponte Vecchio or the Santa Croce Basilic. They stay there overnight and have a free day to roam around the streets of Florence on their own. Remus is certain it is just because Moody is exhausted and needs a moment to cool off, but he takes advantage of it nevertheless. Mary leads them to visit a perfume laboratory that is open to the public, and Remus finds it surprisingly interesting, especially when he is allowed to build his own perfume from scratch. James makes them walk up a hill to Michelangelo Piazzale in the evening, where they have a beautiful view of the Florence skyline. It makes Remus realise just how huge the Santa Maria del Fiore is, and how gigantic the city is as well. It explains why Remus’ feet hurt and why his muscles are in such pain, even if he knows he’s most likely the least athletic of the group. They decide to eat there and buy a couple of presents for themselves and their families in the souvenirs market; Remus buys yet another decorated fan for his mum and a tote bag for himself; and they eat at a small restaurant, watching the sun set over the city.
They order mostly pasta – Remus has been wanting to try all kinds; salmon, Bolognese, carbonara, pesto, while he’s in Italy – and Mary, Marlene and Lily are the first to talk.
“Boys, we have something to ask you.” Mary starts.
“And we shall not rest until you have given us answers.” Marlene continues, eyeing them warily.
“The answer is still no.” Sirius grins at them charmingly, obviously trying to win them over with it.
“Nuh-uh, Black, none of that” Mary shakes her head, “We are determined to finally find out.”
“Am I the only one not following?” Pandora frowns.
“Leave them to it.” Regulus rolls his eyes.
“Come on now, Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs.” Lily grins, “We want answers!”
“Why? I mean, our nicknames are cool, but they’re cooler with the mystery around them.” James tries, “Don’t you guys love the mystery?”
“No, we don’t.” Lily shakes her head.
“Your nicknames aren’t cool.” Dorcas frowns.
Sirius gasps, “How dare you?” he asks, putting his hand to his chest as if clutching his pearls.
“Yeah, how dare you, ‘Cas’?” Remus raises his eyebrows mockingly.
“Says the guy who’s named after an orphan raised by a wolf.” Dorcas cocks her head, “Guess you’ll feel right at home in Roma, won’t you, Remus?”
“Nah, loser got murdered by his brother.” Marlene smirks.
“Yeah, you’re one to talk, Marlene.” Sirius chuckles, “It sound like a 1930 housewife.”
“Actually, your name is so ridiculous you shouldn’t even be able to talk, Sirius Orion.” Marlene snorts.
“Bro’s parents got confused and thought they were having a star instead of a son.” Dorcas mocks.
“Sirius is the brightest star in the sky, and Orion’s not far.” Regulus frowns, “It’s a pretty decent name.”
“Yeah, you’d say so, Regulus.” Mary rolls her eyes, “Actually, do you have a middle name?”
“Yes, Arcturus.” Regulus nods composedly, like it’s the most normal thing in the world, and opens his mouth in surprise as everybody laughs, except Sirius and Remus.
“Woah, your parents hated you from the start.” Marlene laughs, making both Black brothers look at each other and burst out laughing, even if less loudly from Regulus’ part.
“Yeah, you’re fucking right.” Sirius laughs.
“Couldn’t have been any righter.” Regulus continues with a small smile.
“Alright, guys!” Lily regains everyone’s attention, “If you think you’ve gotten yourselves out of this, you haven’t.”
“Yeah, we still want to know the origins or your stupid nicknames.” Mary nods.
“Yeah, me too!” Dorcas exclaims.
“Actually, I am curious as well.” Pandora smiles.
“Tell us!” Mary shouts. All four marauders look at each other, even Peter who deigned join them for dinner, and sigh collectively.
“Alright, marauders, we have to tell them.” James sighs.
“Oh, actually start with that!” Mary exclaims, “Why ‘Marauders’? It’s kind of weird.”
“Yeah, what friend group gives themselves a name?” Marlene nods at her.
Sirius sighs, “It was fourth year, so ninth grade. We were already the school’s pranksters; every time there was a commotion, or something weird happening, it was always us. So one day, our headmistress called us a bunch of ‘sneaky marauders’ when giving us detention. We really liked the name and kept it.” Sirius shrugs.
“It was supposed to be our band name.” Peter adds, making the girls laugh.
“Okay, kind of a bad name but each to their own, I guess.” Lily shrugs.
“Who wants to go first?” James asks.
“Go on, Prongs, do the honours.” Remus smirks, remembering the incident that brought to the name Prongs.
James shakes his head, “No, please.” He pleads, staring at Sirius, Remus and Peter with his hands joined as if in prayer, “Mine is actually the worst one.”
Sirius barks a laugh, “Fuck yeah it is. I’d be fucking ashamed if I were you.”
“Let’s go crescendo.” Peter suggests, “From the least embarrassing to the worst.”
Remus nods, “I guess I’ll go first, then. I really like my nickname.” He adds with a smile, only to taunt James, who groans and rolls his eyes.
“Life is so unfair.” James mutters. All eyes at the table fixate on Remus as he explains the origins of his nickname.
“It was in second year, so like, seventh grade.” Remus starts, “And I was…a little distracted.”
“He was in looooove!” Sirius teases, drawing out the ‘o’. James and Peter laugh, and Remus only gapes at them.
“I was not!” Remus admonishes, “I was merely distracted and confused.” He rolls his eyes at his friends who stare at him incredulously.
“Come on, mate.” James nudges him, “Emmeline Vance asked you out, you vomited on her shoes and then you were always lost in your thoughts with a dopey look on your face.”
Remus stares at his friends, “Guys, I’m gay. Like, very fucking gay.” He deadpans, making the girls laugh, and even Regulus’ lips tilt up.
Peter rolls his eyes, “Go on, tell your vision of the story.”
“Thanks Pete.” Remus nods at him, “I was confused because when she asked me out, a fairly pretty girl, I might add, I didn’t feel anything but repulsed. And these two idiots,” he points to Sirius and James, “were always off with a new girlfriend or something, so I thought that I was weird. So, I was often thinking. And, well, after, I realised I had a tiny crush on James.” He adds and grimaces, feeling a blush coming onto his face. “I’m deeply ashamed about this.”
James’ mouth falls open, “What do you mean you’re ashamed?” he asks, looking offended.
“I still don’t like that you had a crush on him.” Sirius says quietly and shakes his head.
“Anyway!” Remus cuts them off, “Since I was always lost in thought, Sirius kept saying I was in the moon, which doesn’t make any fucking sense, really, but it kind of stuck around. Anytime I was overthinking, they’d call me Moony to make fun of me and bring me back to earth.” Remus shrugs at the end of his explanation.
“It makes sense!” Sirius exclaims, “Look, I was young, I still had trouble differencing French and English expressions. So yeah, when I wanted to say ‘t’es dans la lune’, which is an expression for people whose heads are in the clouds, and I just translated it literally.” He explains, making the girls nod.
“Yeah, makes sense, little French boy.” Marlene mocks. “Okay, who is the second best nickname?”
“I think it’s Padfoot.” Peter nods at Sirius, who shrugs.
“Yeah, mine is alright. They made fun of me for it, but it’s still better than Wormtail and Prongs.” He smirks.
“Ugh, I hate that you’re all going to know.” James groans, and Lily rubs his back.
“Don’t worry, James, we’ll only make fun of you for the remaining two months.” Lily smiles.
“Or the rest of your life.” Remus teases.
“Go on, Sirius.” Dorcas presses, “What does ‘Padfoot’ stands for?” she asks. Sirius clears his throat in a comedic manner and joins his hands on the table.
“As you may know, I used to do ballet when I lived in Paris.” He starts, and Mary cuts him off already.
“You’re kidding me!” he exclaims.
“He was horrible at it.” Regulus adds, “Our instructor was horrified by his every move.”
“Hey! I wasn’t horrible, maybe merely not as graceful as demanded, but still.” Sirius rolls his eyes.
“Yeah, I am sure you were bad, Sirius.” Pandora nods and smiles sweetly, “You are anything but graceful.”
“Blasphemy!” Sirius cries out, when the waiter puts several pasta bowls on their table. They all thank him, and Mary immediately demands the story.
“Not that I don’t care about your dancing, but I’d like the rest of the story.” She says, and when Sirius looks like he’s about to retaliate about the grandeur of his dancing, Remus takes the lead.
“He’s not going to drop this, so I’ll just say it.” He shrugs, and ignores Sirius who frowns at him and punches his shoulder, “We were fourteen, I think, and it was one of the first time we were hungry after dinner, so James suggested that we sneak down to the kitchens to steal some food.” He explains, and James raises his hands in a surrender way.
“For my defence, I’m not a thief, I was just hungry.”
“Sure, you’re not, Prongsie-boy.” Remus nods with a smile, “So we begin to sneak downstairs, and we realise that we won’t be able to pass, all four of us, into the kitchens without getting caught. So lovely Sirius over here proudly declares that he is a master at sneaking around, and that his feet are basically pads from all the ballet dancing.”
“I know exactly where this is going.” Dorcas smirks.
“It’s not exactly hard to figure out.” Peter shrugs.
“Obviously, Sirius takes literally two steps into the kitchen when he knocks over a tray of glasses that shatters to the floor, trips on his own feet in his attempt to straighten it and falls on his arse.” He smiles. “While he falls, he grabs onto an apron that was hanging off the wall, and tugs so hard that he unscrews the hanger off the wall and brings it down with him. It was bloody disaster.” Remus shakes his head.
“There was a full-on mess of glass and splintered wood on the floor that had clearly just been sanitised.” Sirius adds, “We got four weeks of detention for sneaking out past curfew, breaking into the kitchen and causing chaos.”
“What we were best known for.” James grins.
Mary chuckles, “Because knocking over a full tray of glasses wasn’t enough for you? Had to destroy the entire kitchen, didn’t you?”
“I am nothing if not a man of dramatics.” Sirius smiles.
“After that incident, we called Sirius ‘Padfoot’ for a full month.” Remus smiles, “Haven’t stopped, actually.”
“And never will!” James exclaims. They all chuckle and eat a little, until Marlene breaks the silence.
“Alright, I want to hear Wormtail’s.”
“Yeah, go on, Wormy!” James grins. Peter purses his lips and looks at the other three marauders.
“I actually don’t remember how it happened. Can Remus tell mine too?” He asks.
“How could you not remember? It was fucking epic!” Sirius frowns in misunderstanding.
Peter stares at him, “Mate, I was so drunk off my arse I don’t remember anything that happened at this party.”
“Alright, I’ll say it.” Remus shrugs, “It was Halloween in sixth year. We were all sixteen and fucking idiots and decided to get drunk off our arses in the common room.” He begins, and already shakes his head, “It was meant to end up in disaster from the start.”
“I feel like there’s always disaster or chaos with you four.” Lily observes.
“There always was.” Regulus nods, “Anything weird that happened, it was always them.”
“Ah, but you loved it!” Sirius grins at his brother, who decidedly does not return it.
“I can assure you, I did not.”
“Anyway, so” Remus continues, “We were drunk, stupid, and Sirius had ordered a tattoo gun off Amazon.” He starts to grin when Mary and Lily gasp.
“No. He did not.” Lily mumbles in shock.
“He did.” Sybill nods with a desperate look on her face, “It’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Peter got a tattoo. From notorious tattoo artist Sirius Black.” Remus grins at his boyfriend who swats at him.
“Hey, I was drunk and high, I’m obviously much better otherwise.” He rolls his eyes.
“Well, Peter, around three am, declared that he wanted a tattoo, and there’s not much coaxing needed to convince Sirius to do it.” Remus smiles at Peter, “Just show us the goods, Pete.”
“Bear in mind that I woke up the next morning with zero memory and three tattoos on my body.” He smiles and rolls up his shirt so that they can see his hip, where a small bee is shakily drawn, then turns around to show the writing over his lower back, ‘Marauders 4ever’, and then turns back to face them, “This one, is the worst thing I’ve ever had. And Sirius has always refused to cover it up.”
“No can do, man.” Sirius grins.
“Show us!” Marlene shouts, and it prompts Peter to put his shirt up and shorts slightly down so that his underwear band is visible. Just over it, the word ‘Wormtail’ is stretched over his skin, along with a single arrow pointing down at his dick.
Sirius giggles when he sees it again, and giggles quickly turn to full on laughs, “I forgot how huge it was!”
“What exactly are you talking about?” Dorcas raises an eyebrow at him, who laughs even louder.
“The tattoo, obviously. No offense, Wormy.”
“Hey, dude, not cool.” Peter chuckles and puts his clothing back on correctly.
“Oh my God, that’s actually horrible for Peter.” Lily grins, “But I love it.”
Sirius grins back at her, “Knew you would, Evans.”
“Wait, James’ is worst than that?” Dorcas asks, widening her eyes.
“Oh yeah, right, how do you top a tattoo calling your dick a worm’s tail?” Marlene asks, making everyone giggle and both Peter and James groan.
“By publicly embarrassing yourself for days.” James answers, and all three boys burst out laughing pointedly, reminding themselves of the origins.
“You embarrass yourself publicly every day, Potter, be more specific.” Regulus drawls, addressing James properly for the first time as far as Remus can remember. This obviously unsettles James, who doesn’t answer right away, but Sirius pays him no mind.
“That’s true, Prongs, you do embarrass yourself most of the time.” He teases, “Can I tell that one?”
James sighs, “Yeah go ahead. I’ll just wait until you bring out the pictures to jump out of that hill.”
“Oh, there’s pictures?” Mary beams, “Me like-y.”
“Everything started near Christmas this year, actually.” Sirius starts, “Prongs was the last nickname to our addition.” He adds.
“You can see that they get meaner with time.” Peter intervenes, making the girls chuckle.
“This year, we spent Christmas together at James’ place in London. Peter’s and Moony’s parents were invited, just like James’ entire extended family from India.” He explains, “Just setting the scene.”
Remus chuckles, “Those were the best days of my life.” He declares, still smiling as he thinks back to last Christmas.
“James had the wonderful idea to prank us on the night between the 23rd and 24th. He taped two glittery dildoes that had LEDs inside upon his head, like fucking corns or antlers and scared us in the middle of the night.” Sirius grins.
All of the girls’ mouths fall open, and a few stray laughs fall out of them, “You’ve got to be kidding.” Mary blurts out in her shock.
“Nuh-uh.” Sirius grins like a madman and takes out his phone to show pictures of a Christmas sweater-wearing James with two pink dildoes with green lights glittering on his head and a huge grin on his face. The girls burst out laughing at the ridiculous picture, grabbing Sirius’ phone to look more closely. The entire table rounds up around the picture, and James’ head is already deep red in his hands.
“This is horrible.” He moans.
“Sorry, Prongs.” Sirius grins, “It’s actually fucking hilarious.”
“Love you, Prongsie!” Remus beams and turns back to the girls. “Wait, because this isn’t even the worst. Like yes, the dildoes were fucking hilarious, but do you know what was even funnier?”
They all look at each other until Lily’s mouth forms an ‘o’ shape, “Oh no.”
Remus grins devilishly, “Oh, yes. They didn’t come off.”
“It turns out that Prongs didn’t make the difference between glue and superglue.” Sirius laughs, and everyone either gasps or laughs.
“I did it in the dark!” James exclaims, “I didn’t know what I was using!”
“Yeah, and you stayed with dildoes antlers for two whole days until it came off.” Remus reminds him, “Exactly for Christmas Eve and Christmas day.”
Sirius laughs again, “Oh, it was fucking epic. Everyone just looked at him like he was an alien or something.”
“My parents asked if he was making a statement.” Peter smiles, “For what, I have no idea, but still.”
“We decorated it, mind you.” Remus adds, “Put little garlands, Christmas hats on it. Put the lights in red for a little ambiance.” At his words, Sirius grabs his phone to show the pictures of the next day of a hopeless looking James with two decorated dildoes on his head and a very enthusiastic Sirius next to him.
“I tried everything to make it come off.” James sighs, “Oil, water, tugging on it, trying to rip off the glue. I was kind of scared to have a bald patch afterwards.”
Remus smiles, “In the end, it’s his auntie who’s a nurse who did it. She used some weird product to take the glue off his hair. It came off, but James smelled like shit for ages.”
“And there was Prongs born.” Sirius smiles and shakes his head like a proud dad, only stopping when Marlene addresses him.
“You really left him with two dildoes on his head just like that?” she asks.
“Hey, we tried!” Sirius defends, “It was superglued to his skull.” He says, making Remus snort.
“And why did James even own two dildoes?” Dorcas smirks, “I mean, isn’t one sufficient?”
James groans again, “I bought them as a joke.” He tries, but Dorcas and Marlene only smile bigger.
“It’s what they all say, isn’t it?” Marlene teases.
“No, really!” James chuckles, “It was for Sirius’ birthday. I bought about ten and hid them all over his stuff. You should’ve seen his face when he found them.”
Remus chuckles too, “He thought it’d been used by one of us.” He laughs, “He screamed like a fucking goat and ran out of the room like a crazy idiot.”
“You would’ve done the same too!” Sirius punches his arm again, “Imagine finding an unknown dildo in your sock drawer! It’s scary!” everyone laughs at his dramatics, even Regulus who chuckles silently.
Mary snorts, “I still can’t believe Peter has ‘Wormtail’ tattooed about his dick.” She says, making everyone double up in laughter.
____________________________
They all leave Florence the next morning, on the sixth day to go to Pisa in the morning, where James and Sirius don’t stop taking pictures of them either pushing or straightening the leaning Tower, which they almost always miss, making them look like idiots. Remus can’t stop laughing as he takes the pictures, then get roped into being into a few of them. He tries half heartedly but at least manages to get the right angle, so he doesn’t look as stupid as his friends. They visit Pisa rather quickly; after all, almost every touristic spot is in the same square, and eat a delicious pizza in a secluded street before ambling back on the bus to another place Moody claims to love: Cinque Terra.
As soon as they see the famous hill where all the houses are falling over the other, Remus understands why Moody likes it so much. The streets feel distinctly Italian, and Remus loves it; despite the lot of tourists around, the vibes are just there, and it makes Remus feel so happy. It’s one of those moments that happen often when on a six-month trip around the world: these moments when Remus just stops and thinks, ‘damn, I’m in Italy right now.’ It feels surreal, and Remus wants to live in this feeling forever.
In Cinque Terra, Remus sticks to Sirius, with whom he has unlocked yet a new level of infatuation and co-dependency; he wants to be close to him at all times, something not new at all, but something that has become more of a need he cannot control rather than a simple want. He spends most of the visit with Sirius’ hand in his, touching just to be touching, and tries to take all of his pictures with just one hand. They go slower than everyone else, because they have to walk up an hill and Remus’ joints simply won’t allow him, but Sirius just stays with him and waits with a smile, and talks about nothing and everything, most of always making Remus smile or chuckle or simply look at him in wonder because there is nothing and no one more incredible than his boyfriend.
They eat yet another pizza in a small restaurant with dim lightning, the smell of woodfire oven and Italian acoustic music playing in the background in Cinque Terra with their nine people group that used to be eleven. Remus brings that up with Sirius after dinner as they walk to the train station.
“You noticed that Pete almost never eats or talks with us anymore, right?” he asks Sirius carefully. He hates to be a hypocrite, but he wants to make sure he isn’t the only one feeling this way.
Sirius shrugs, “Yeah, I noticed. I mean, he ate with us in Florence yesterday, but before that, I think the last time must’ve been in Paris.”
“Do you not care?” Remus frowns at Sirius’ nonchalant behaviour: his hands are in his pockets and his tone was detached and bored, as if he couldn’t care less that their best friend is fading away from them.
“What is there to care about?” Sirius asks Remus not unkindly, “If he’d rather stay with his girlfriend than with us, then good riddance. I’m not about to beg him to stay our friend.”
Remus thinks about Sirius’ words and bites his lip, looking down at the paved floor, “I don’t know. I mean, we’ve been best friends for seven years. And I can’t remember the last time I had a proper conversation with him.”
“You’re in the moon again, Moony.” Sirius squeezes Remus’ hand, and Remus rolls his eyes fondly, “I know you miss him, but honestly, did you really think you were always going to be friends with Pete?”
“No.” Remus admits, “I knew we’d drift away. Just didn’t think it’d be this soon.”
“Yeah, well. We’re going to be real adults now. When the trip is over, I mean.” Sirius shrugs, “Things are bound to change.”
“I know.” Remus smiles, “Things have started to change already, haven’t they?” he asks, looking pointedly at their joined hands.
Sirius smiles sweetly at him, “They have, yeah. For the better, isn’t it?”
“I bloody hope so.” Remus says, making Sirius chuckle and shift slightly closer to Remus as they walk down the hill. It’s insane how amazing life is, Remus thinks, and squeezes Sirius’ hand again.
__________________________________
Interlude: Sirius’ pov
It’s a dream come true; Sirius thinks as he lays his head on his boyfriend’s (boyfriend!!!!) shoulder on the train to Roma from Cinque Terra. He is happy with his best friends, boyfriend and brother on a train to Roma, one of many cities they have already visited, the eleventh capital, with a suitcase full of booze and merchandise from all the countries they have visited and a whole lot of pictures and future inspirations from all around the world.
Where Remus writes down Moody’s explanations and takes countless of pictures of what he sees, Sirius draws. He sketches the pyramids of Gizeh, draws Moody’s explanations about the Aztecs’ temples in Mexico and pencils the Japanese sanctuaries. His black notebook is full, ready to burst, and it is already the third one since the beginning of the trip; his memory is visual and he remembers things better if he put the vision down on paper, so he is always drawing. From the many monuments, buildings and fountains to the curve of Remus’ lashes, his notebook is polyvalent, and no one could imagine what the next drawing will be, what story the next page will tell. He cherishes all of his notebooks but also gatekeeps them, so much that he has never shown anyone what is in there. His drawings are for him and him only.
He likes this privacy he allows himself; while everyone knows almost everything about him, with how loud and boisterous he is, they don’t know what kind of images flow in his mind, images he feels obligated to put down on paper as soon as he sees them. He loves that everybody how knows him knows not to ask; James nor Remus has never tried to take a peek at his drawing. They understand his need for privacy, privacy he was never allowed in that goddamned house, and respect it.
So, Sirius doesn’t feel like he has to cower when he takes his notebook out of his backpack and the small pencil attached to it and draws the single curl that has been falling over Remus’ ear all day. Remus doesn’t pay him any mind, because Sirius knows that he knows that Sirius doesn’t like to be watched while drawing, so Sirius allows himself to look at him more closely. One thing that is great with Remus’ mooning is that he doesn’t notice when Sirius stares, too focused in his own thoughts and right now, in the photos he is currently skimming through. Sirius can then stare at his profile, at the sunset hitting his tanned skin, making it look even more delicious than usual, he can stare at the brown in his eyes, at the golden flickers in them, at the small freckles falling all over his nose and cheeks, which add an even more adorable and lovable look to his features.
Sometimes Sirius can’t believe it took him so long to realise what he wanted. That he desperately wanted to be held by Remus, that he always stared at him a second too long, something he always blamed on his friendship, something so ridiculous to Sirius now. How could he have ever believed that he didn’t want Remus, when all he wants now is to kiss him all day long, hold his hand and whisper in his ear just to look at the way he shivers?
It's a problem Sirius will probably always have. He wants so much, everything the world can offer, and sometimes, everything the world can offer falls in the form of one Remus Lupin.
He looks back to his notebook, where an ear perfectly shaded is being covered up by a lighter curl. Even if he is drawing with just one simple pencil that came with the notebook, the depth and perspective are perfectly respected, something Sirius takes pride in, even if he never shows his drawings to anyone.
His drawing done, he puts his notebook back in his bag and settles closer to Remus, who is evidently snapped out of his thoughts. He looks to his left, where Sirius is, and his eyes soften as they fall on Sirius’, and he opens his arm to let Sirius in closer, who obliges and settles against Remus’ chest.
“Music?” he mumbles, and Remus wordlessly hands him his left earbud before sliding his arms around Sirius’ frame. Sirius closes his eyes, slips the earbud in, where ‘Everybody wants to rule the world’ is playing, and opens them again to look up, where Remus’ eyes are already looking down at him with that look he always gets whenever it’s just them two, a look so gentle and sweet that Sirius has never seen him address to anyone else. Sirius thinks briefly that if he ever does look at someone else this way, he’d probably burn down a couple of houses.
Sirius smiles back at him, ignores the butterflies in his stomach that haven’t stopped dancing around since the first time they kissed in that bathroom in Brazil, and stares again at his beautiful, beautiful face. He doesn’t know if he ever could get enough of it, of all of this, of Remus’ arms around him, of his eyes upon him, of his hand squeezes at random times of the day or of his low, comforting voice.
He stares at Remus, and suddenly, he wonders if he could ever look at someone else and feel the same way. If he could feel someone else’s hands on him and not feel disgusted, or if he could ever kiss some lips that aren’t Remus’ and feel alright. Could he ever feel happy without Remus by his side?
The answer is immediately no. He doesn’t even have time to think too long about it because it’s clear to him that it’s Remus or nothing.
He blinks once, then twice, waiting for some sort of big feeling, or that usual freak out that takes him once he realises something big, but it doesn’t come. It just makes sense. He is with Remus, and he will always be. He knows, somehow, that it’s how it’s meant to be. So, Sirius doesn’t freak out, and his absence of a freak out kind of freaks him out.
How come he’s so certain? Why is he so sure that Remus is the one? Why does he feel all warm and fuzzy inside when he thinks of him and Remus growing old together? Suddenly, he can picture it, he and Remus, brushing their teeth together like they do every night, except that it isn’t in their hotel room but in their house that they bought together. He doesn’t even have to think about it to realise that he desperately wants it, more than anything. He wants to spend the rest of his life with his boyfriend, and he’s sure it’s not a thought you’re supposed to be having at merely eighteen years old.
Then, another image spawns into his head: a sleepy Remus kissing his forehead and telling three small words to him in goodnight. And then he properly freaks out.
“I have to, er” Sirius starts with his hoarse voice, tries not to look to closely at Remus as he pulls back from his embrace, but he still sees his face, and it’s just too much for him. He needs to get out of here, because he might do something drastic if he doesn’t, so he closes his eyes and tries to stand up to go to the bathroom when something pulls him back in place.
“Sirius, the headphones!” Remus cries out, but it’s too late and Sirius is pulled back onto Remus’ lap with a force he couldn’t have foreseen because of the wired headphones.
“Are you alright?” Remus frowns at him, and just who allowed him to be this adorable? His face is just too much to look at, too sweet, too much adoration, too much concern on his face that makes Sirius uneasy. He just needs a moment alone.
“Yeah, just fine.” Sirius nods five times and gives Remus two thumbs up, “I’m great, good-i-o! Just perfect, nothing to worry about!” he grins manically and almost runs into the train’s bathroom that is miraculously empty.
Sirius looks at himself in the mirror, then closes his eyes. He decides to list three things that are real right now, something he learned in therapy.
1. His boyfriend is definitely concerned about him.
2. Sirius wants to be with his boyfriend forever.
3. He also wants said boyfriend to say that he loves him.
4. And he wants to say it back.
So, that’s four things, he thinks. Fuck. He loves Remus. Like, love love. Like he’s in love with Remus.
Holy shit! He is in love!
Is he a stupid idiot to not have seen it earlier? Sirius wants to bang his head against the wall because really, how did he not realise? Of course, that was the reason why he’s felt so much happier since he’s been with Remus, the reason why he always craves Remus’ presence, the reason why he wants him by his side until the day he dies.
That’s because he’s in love. Fuck, he’s so stupid. Such an idiot. Because now that he knows that yes, what he is feeling is indeed love, he knows that it’s been ages since he has felt this way. He knows that maybe, from the first time Remus’ lips met his, he has been in love. That maybe, he has always looked at Remus a little differently; differently than he looked at James or Peter. That he was jealous of Kingsley when he thought he was straight because he loved Remus. Because of course he loves Remus. It’s what he was born to do, he is certain.
He takes a few deep breaths, and he feels himself coming down. He loves Remus. He loves him. He’s in love with him. He repeats it a few times to be sure he is alright with it, so that his freaking out doesn’t restart when he sees Remus’ face, but he feels okay, still slightly shaken, but he is alright.
Right then, he feels his phone vibrating in his pocket. He fishes it out and opens it, spends a second looking at his wallpaper, a picture of the four of them from Remus’ birthday that is now on his Instagram account, makes sure he doesn’t freak out by seeing Remus’ face, which he doesn’t; he only feels his lip curl in a smile because Remus does look lovely in this picture, and reads the text he just received.
From Reggie: Are you OK? Lupin is getting worried.
Sirius wants to smile again, because his brother is finally speaking to him again after two years of no contact, and it’s an amazing feeling, and also because his boyfriend is worried about him. What a beautiful life he has.
To Reggie: did u know that I’m in love w him???? I just had a romantic epiphany its crazy
Sirius waits for a minute for his brother to answer, but he never actually does. Instead, the door to the bathroom opens, letting Regulus in.
“Do you realise how stupid you are?” Regulus says right away, barely raising an eyebrow at him.
Sirius stares at him, “No, but please, enlighten me.” He shrugs, and he can swear he sees Regulus’ lips curl in a smile.
“You’ve been in love with him since I was in fifth year. And I know Lupin is just as bad.” Regulus explains like it’s the most basic fact he has ever encountered.
“And how exactly would you know that?” Sirius asks his brother in a mocking way, who only continues to stare at him.
“You are both very obvious. And Lupin was my tutor in fifth year. He told me some things.” Regulus shrugs.
“What did he tell you?” Sirius asks right away with widened eyes.
“That you weren’t really talking to him, so I asked why, and he said it was because you hated his boyfriend. It only takes an idiot not to put the pieces together.” Regulus drawls, and raises his eyebrows at Sirius’ sheepish look, “I can guess you did not put the pieces together.”
“Well shit Sherlock.” Sirius rolls his eyes, “I just realised I loved him, so no, I didn’t know back then.”
“Only proves I’m the smarter Black brother.” Regulus shrugs.
Eventually, they both regain their seats, Sirius apologises to Remus for his attitude, blames it on a pressing need to take a piss, which is a very clear lie that Remus doesn’t mention, probably to respect Sirius’ privacy or some other fucking noble reason or something. They reach Roma not long after, and without surprise, Sirius has trouble sleeping in their hotel room: even cuddling against Remus’ bare skin, he wonders about his feelings, how to express them, and what it means for his life in the future. Because now that he is in love, he knows that he needs to tell Remus. He just knows, there’s no point in waiting. But how to tell him? That’s another affair.
Because Sirius has no issue telling his friends he loves them; he tells James all the time, he told Mary and Marlene a few times already and even managed to tell his brother despite everything around them. But telling Remus, telling his boyfriend, it’s something else entirely. Because he doesn’t just love Moony, he is actually in love with him, and he has no idea how to say it. How does can he put in words a feeling so huge and important? How can he make Remus understand really how much he is loved and cared for? Because Remus doesn’t know it yet, Sirius knows; it’s in the way he looks at Sirius and holds him tightly, like he is a precious thing that is about to leave if Remus isn’t carefully enough. Remus deserves to know that he isn’t the only lucky person in their relationship.
So, the next day in Roma, Sirius is plotting. He has to tell Remus, and it has to be beautiful. Because first, he isn’t Sirius Black if he does things without pizzaz, and second, because Remus deserves to be the one to feel loved. He deserves to be held for once, and to be the one to receive flowers.
Sirius doesn’t listen to Moody’s explanation about the origins of the Coliseum, doesn’t draw the Trevi Fountain or the St Pierre Basilic or take any picture; instead, he draws a bouquet of flowers, carefully picking out which ones will please Remus the most. He adds a chocolate bar next to it; apparently, there is amazing chocolate in Roma, so he will have to pick some up today, and pays special attention to the places Moody takes them; he searches for romantic corners, even if it isn’t hard to find in Italy, less crowded spots because Remus hates crowds even if he won’t show it, and sweet ambiance. He decides to do his big romantic gesture the next day, during their free day around Roma after a visit to the Chapell Sixtine in the morning.
He asks James to occupy Remus while he buys an expensive chocolate bar and a coffee scented chocolate bar that is less refined from a specialised artisan, simply because Remus loves coffee and chocolate. He buys a non-formal suit with a black blouse, black necktie and black trousers that he adorns with silver necklaces and chains around his neck, because Sirius Black isn’t one to do things half-heartedly, and also because he is certain it will make Remus either laugh or horny, makes a reservation to a fine restaurant and finally buys an assortment of blue and pink tulips that make him think of Remus. It is when he is done with his errands that he thinks to wear makeup, remembering the look on Remus’ face the day that he wore mascara and crayon, even if it was a poor attempt to make himself feel better about his brother’s phone call. He enters a Sephora store and paints his eyes in black from the small makeup palette he always has in his bag, and adds highlighter to his cheeks, something he realised makes his cheekbones look higher. He still doesn’t feel convinced by his appearance as he looks in the mirror of the makeup store: will Remus, beautiful, intelligent and perfect Remus will look at him, at his too pale face and too long hair and too chapped lips and think that yes, he loves him?
“Ciao, come posso aiutarti” a saleswoman approaches him, and he only smiles tightly. He learned Italian in third year, because he loves learning languages, but he doesn’t know anything about makeup. So, he has to resolve to English.
“I’m sorry, I don’t speak Italian.” He apologises, and she only smiles.
“It’s fine. How can I help you? Going on a date?” she asks, noting his outfit and the flowers he put on the stool next to him.
“Yes, I am. With my boyfriend.” He adds, just to test himself. It was hard, at the beginning, to tell himself that he wasn’t straight, that he deeply craved Remus’ touch when he thought he couldn’t be attracted to a man. He heard his mother’s voice on repeat, her vile tone shouting about ‘poofters’, about how unnatural they were and how they were the most horrible thing to happen to the universe. Now, he couldn’t give two fucks about what gender the person he loves is, and since it’s always going to be Remus anyway, there’s no point in thinking about it too much. And if anyone has a problem with it, they can just go fuck themselves.
“I think something looks off with my face.” He admits to the girl. If anyone here knows how to make him look dashing, it’s probably her. She looks at him in the mirror for a while, rummages in the drawers of the dressing table, and finds a burgundy lipstick.
“I’m sure this would work.” She offers him the lipstick, and it is yet a step he has to take. He is fine with wearing makeup for his skin or for his eyes, but for some reason, lipstick feels different, almost too feminine. But also, it is right there, and Sirius will probably wonder for ages what he would look like with it until he bought it himself, so he decides to try. He can always take it off after anyway.
He applies the lipstick to his lips, and he feels almost shocked at the way it changes his entire face; where he felt ghostly and pale two seconds earlier, his skin now glows in the light and he looks happier, and it somehow looks like his concealer works even better, as none of his marks under his eyes are visible.
He doesn’t hesitate any further, and doesn’t even think of what people would think of him with lipstick on; all that matters to him is what Remus thinks. He chuckles to himself as he think that he only realised he loved him two days ago, and now it feels like the most basic thing in the universe. How ridiculous.
Sirius thanks the saleswoman and buys the lipstick, and he arrives just in time on the Ponte Milvio, where he had agreed to meet up with James, and to make sure Remus was with him. It’s seven thirty when Sirius sees Remus after an entire afternoon separated, which hasn’t happened in what feels like forever, and he feels weird, like he somehow missed Remus with all of his heart despite being in the same city. He looks handsome as always, in brown jeans and a cream ‘the Sex Pistols’ shirt, with posed curls falling over his tanned skin. Sirius is completely enamoured at the way Remus manages to look beautiful in everything and nothing, and he can’t help the shy smile that spreads over his face when Remus spots him. His smile quickly turns smug when he sees Remus’ face turn from unbothered to utterly bothered: his eyes widen, probably upon seeing Sirius’ outfit and the bouquet in his hand, and then makes the same face he does in the bedroom, the face Sirius knows means that Remus wants him and is probably about to aggressively make out with him. He refrains from doing so in front of James, even if it wouldn’t have bothered Sirius in the slightest, but Remus does look like he is about to combust from lust, and that only makes Sirius feel even more smug.
“Really pulled out all the stops, Pads.” James comments with a chuckle. Sirius smiles back at him.
“You know me, can’t do things halfway.” He shrugs and turns to Remus, “Moony, I realised something yesterday.” He starts, and James understands that it is his cue to leave, and promptly does so.
“You did?” Remus acknowledges, but his eyes keep roaming all over Sirius’ face and body hungrily, and Sirius knows that at least, he is about to have phenomenal sex tonight.
“We never had a real date. Like, just the two of us.” He says, and watches Remus come to the same realisation.
“You’re right.” He nods, waits a moment, then frowns, “Wait, are you asking me out on a date?” he smiles.
Sirius finally positions himself right in front of Remus, and seeing him this close, he can’t resist the temptation. He pushes himself on his tiptoes, closes the gap between them and kisses Remus sweetly, but pulls back when Remus tries to deepen the kiss.
“I am.” He whispers against his lips and lowers himself back to his feet. “But since it’s the first date, we can’t kiss until the end of it.” He smirks, “It’s the rule.”
Remus makes a pained face and tries to kiss Sirius again, who pulls himself back. “I missed you today.” Remus says with his eyes still strained on Sirius’ lips. It’s hard not to kiss Remus again, but Sirius stays true to his rule.
“I missed you too.” Sirius smiles at him, “But I spent the afternoon planning the perfect date. If you will follow me.” He suggests, and Remus only stares at him with an awed expression and finally offers Sirius his arm to start walking together.
“Oh, I almost forgot.” Sirius rolls his eyes to himself, “These are for you.” He smiles and gives the bouquet to Remus, whose mouth falls open.
“I-I thought you bought them for yourself.” He blinks a few times, making no gesture to take them. Sirius nudges him, and finally, he opens his hand to hold the bouquet, “I’ve never been given flowers before.”
Sirius kisses his cheek, “Glad to be your first.” He smirks at Remus, who looks more confused than anything else, like he can’t imagine someone would give him flowers. He also looks touched as he looks into Sirius’ eyes, and thanks him, his eyes shifting from Sirius’ and the flowers. In the end, he gives in and smells the flowers, closing his eyes when he does.
“My mum has the same at the farm. Makes me think of home.” Remus says and smiles at Sirius. He looks so sweet that Sirius already has trouble not to blurt it out to Remus already, but he manages not to. He already planned exactly where and when it will happen. He planned it to be perfect. He can’t fuck it all up right now.
They walk in silence through the streets of Roma for a little longer, and Sirius feels a small tension in the air, but brushes it off as just nerves. A few streets from the restaurant Sirius chose, Remus speaks up.
“Is there a special opportunity for this date?” Remus frowns, “Oh, shit, is it our anniversary?” he asks worriedly at Sirius, “Do we have an anniversary…?” he adds after further reflexion.
Sirius closes his eyes and sighs, “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that.” He shakes his head, not paying attention to the way Remus’ eyes widen.
“Oh shit.” He swears under his breath, “Pads?” he asks tentatively.
Sirius raises his eyebrows, “What?”
“Happy anniversary?” he says, phrasing it more like a question than anything else, and Sirius can’t even pretend to be mad. He bursts out laughing and cuddles closer to Remus as he walks.
“You idiot.” He smiles, “We kissed for the first time on June 28th, so logically that should be it, right?”
“Right.” Remus nods, “So, I’m not in trouble with you, am I?” he makes sure.
Sirius smiles, “You might be if you don’t tell me how beautiful I look.” He says, and watches Remus’ face relax and his fond smile spread over his face.
“You’re gorgeous. The most beautiful in the world. Mine, too.” Remus grins and slips his arm from Sirius’ arm to his waist, pulling him closer to his side.
“Yours.” Sirius smiles and pecks his cheek again, “Always.”
Remus keeps looking at him with that adoring look Sirius loves so much and seems about to say something when he shakes his head and looks back to the flowers, “Thank you so much, really. I love them.” He says, and Sirius tells him it’s only fair for him to buy him flowers after Bologna. Soon enough, they reach the restaurant and get to their table. It’s almost empty, not because the food is bad, but because it isn’t in a touristic spot, something Sirius made sure of for Remus’ sake. There is quiet, classical music playing in the background and the lightning is yellow and dim, every bit the Italian ambiance that Sirius knows Remus loves so much. They order pasta, salmon for the most of them, Remus because he loves it and Sirius because it doesn’t have any garlic in it, and he intends to kiss Remus until dawn, so he needs good breath. The conversation goes swimmingly, even if it feels somehow both weird and invigorating to be just them two, without the entire group. They play footsie under the table, Remus’ hand rests on top of Sirius’ on the table and they share quiet, knowing looks although dinner. Sirius loves it, loves him, loves everything about this, and never wants to forget the feeling.
Remus seems to feel the same way, “You don’t have your tattoo gun with you, do you?” he asks as they both dig into dessert; a chocolate fondant for Remus, obviously, and a tiramisu for Sirius.
“No, it would’ve been a nightmare for crossing borders and all.” He rolls his eyes, “Why? Oh my God, were you about to let me tattoo you?” Sirius stares at him excitedly, “Are you?”
Remus chuckles, “Kind of, yeah? I just…I feel so happy right now.” He bites his lip, “I want to remember this feeling forever.”
“I was thinking the exact same thing.” Sirius smiles at him. “So, you want a tattoo?”
“Yeah.” Remus admits, “I’ve been thinking about it for a while, actually.” He shrugs, “And I can’t have a tattoo artist as my boyfriend and not be tattooed.”
Sirius smiles shyly, “I’m not a tattoo artist.” He rolls his eyes, and is met with an incredulous gaze.
“You’ve been practicing all year.” Remus deadpans, “Yours and James’ legs are full of tattoos. You’re literally talking about opening a shop all the time.”
“Okay, I might be a tattoo artist.” Sirius chuckles, “But you really want to get a tattoo? You said no all year.” He asks again, because Remus has been very adamant about his stance on tattoos. He doesn’t want to push him simply because he is now his boyfriend.
Remus shrugs and smiles at Sirius, “I didn’t want to have an Instagram either.” He says, “I only ask one thing about the tattoo.”
“What is it?” Sirius asks, cocking his head to the side. He cannot believe that Remus would finally agree to get a tattoo when Sirius has been begging for literal years.
“Would you do it?” he demands, and Sirius can only smile. He stares at his boyfriend in awe, everything in him just screaming ‘I love you’, but he only keeps smiling.
“It’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of.” Sirius grins, “Let’s get out of here.”
Within minutes, Sirius has paid for dinner after a little debating with Remus, and they’re walking towards a tattoo shop they found on Google Maps.
“Do you know what you want to get tattooed?” Sirius asks, “I have to be able to do it.”
Remus rolls his eyes, “You’re able to do anything and you know it.” He tells Sirius, “I want three dog pads inside my right elbow.” he says like it’s nothing, like it isn’t something that could change the entire course of Sirius’ life.
“You-You want to get pads tattooed?” Sirius stutters and stares at Remus in shock. He can’t even begin to properly comprehend it; Remus wants Sirius’ nickname on his skin forever? As his very first tattoo? It seems so unreal and insane that Sirius can only stare until Remus explains himself further.
“I do.” Remus smiles and stops to stare at Sirius, “I told you that I want something that makes me happy.” He brushes Sirius’ curl behind his ear, “And in case it wasn’t clear already, you make me so, so happy, Padfoot.”
Sirius just stares in bewilderment, because he feels so many feeling at once; adoration, fondness, passion, want and devotion, so many feelings that can really be summarised in just one word. So, Sirius throws his entire thought-out plan in the Tiber and just says it.
“I love you.” He smiles at Remus, “I really need you to know that, Moons.” He braces both of his hands on Remus’ neck to cup his head, “I’m so in love with you. I don’t care if you love me back, I just needed you to know. I love you.” He repeats again for good measure, but also because he loves the look on Remus’ face. He looks like a dream, like the loveliest person in the world, and every time the words slip out of Sirius’ mouth, he looks like he just won everything in life.
He doesn’t waste a second; Remus immediately puts his hands on Sirius’ waist and kisses him full on the mouth, pulling him with everything he has as if to pull him as close as possible. It’s something that he does often, like he is scared that Sirius will leave if he doesn’t hold him as tight as he can, but Sirius loves how passionate Remus is. He kisses with everything that he has but always makes sure to be gentle and sweet, like he is right now: he is kissing Sirius devotedly, with his hands on Sirius’ waist and his tongue deep in Sirius’ mouth, just like they both love. It’s something that Sirius noticed the first time they kissed: they just fit. Remus is insanely good at kissing despite having kissed only one person before, and he knows exactly what to do to make Sirius weak in the knees. He’s definitely the hottest person Sirius has ever seen, and it’s incredible to him that he is the one Remus chose.
“Say it again.” Remus demands against Sirius’ lips between kisses before kissing him again right away, not even leaving Sirius a second to answer.
“I love you.” He breathes out as he reangles the kiss, and loves the way Remus groans and back Sirius against a wall. Remus detaches them only to attack Sirius’ throat, leaving marks that Sirius is certain will be hickeys. He undoes Sirius’ bowtie to kiss Sirius’ neck even further, and Sirius wants to hear him groan again, so he repeats himself, “Fuck, I love you. I love you.” He moans at Remus’ tongue against his skin, and he feels Remus’ shiver over his own skin. He presses a few other kisses to Sirius’ neck before hiding his face in the juncture between Sirius’ neck and shoulder. Remus’ arms tighten around Sirius’ waist to properly embrace him, and Sirius lowers his arms to hug his back. He feels Remus inhale deeply before drawing himself back up to his full height.
“Did you really say, ‘even if you don’t love me back?’” Remus asks, and Sirius nods, even if it hurts him a little.
“Yes. I mean, I understand if it takes you longer, and it’s not because I love you that you have to love me too. It would be unfair of me to ask that.”
Remus stares at him like he doesn’t understand what he is saying, until it seems to dawn on him, “You’re an idiot, Pads.” He chuckles, “Sirius, I’ve been in love with you since as far as I can remember. I just, I’ve always loved you. And I always will, I just know.” He confesses with a smile, looking every bit the handsome man he is.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Sirius whispers and takes both of Remus’ hands in his, even the one holding the bouquet.
“At first because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.” Remus says, “And more recently because I didn’t want to spook you away.” He shrugs.
Sirius smiles at him and pecks him on the lips, “You could never.” Remus is staring at him, looking so lovely that Sirius wants to kiss every part of him. “I’m all in, by the way. I want everything with you.” He grins, mirroring Remus in front of him, “House, marriage, kids, you name it.” He chuckles with Remus, who grins back at him.
“It’s everything I’ve every wanted.” He admits, “But for now, let’s just get a tattoo, alright?”
“Right.” Sirius smiles, “We have the rest of our lives to decide that anyway.”
And so, under the streetlights of Roma, they walk hand in hand into a tattoo shop, two lovesick idiots, and ask if they can just use the tattoo gun themselves. It doesn’t take much coaxing, and they both leave with tattoos: Remus has three pads on his arm, just like he wanted, plus a small crescent of moon on his hip, one that he has in common with Sirius, on the opposite hip, something that Sirius thought about so that their tattoos can touch whenever they’re intimate. Sirius asked Remus to tattoo him a small phrase under the moon, because he wanted to have something else to remember that night, so the words ‘You and me, forevermore’ are stretched over his skin with a small star that Remus added at the end, a star that makes Sirius think of the small doddles they used to give to each other in class.
That night, their moons align as they show to each other just how much they love the other, whether it be by whispered ‘I love you’ under the sheets or by the loving look Remus gives him as he comes inside of Sirius, kissing him sweetly and lovingly, never once stopping to say how much he loves him. Afterwards, Sirius falls asleep naked as a baby in Remus’ arms, feeling more loved than he has ever felt in his life, and keeps a smile on his face through the entire night.