Brazil
“I’m bisexual”
The words ring in his ears for a thousand times before he comes back to his senses. Everyone around him is reacting to everyone’s revelations: James’ opportunity, Remus’ death, Mary’s twin and Sirius’ coming out, but Remus is staring over at Sirius Orion Black, a beautiful bastard who likes other men.
Remus’ life is a fucking joke.
Because now, he’s an option. Even if he’s his best friend; plenty of people go out with their best friends. And really, most married couples are best friends too, more than just lovers. Sirius Black could like, genuinely like Remus Lupin. And that thought destabilises everything Remus has ever claimed to know about the world.
He feels a couples of taps against his shoulders, and snaps back to the present, where Lily is looking at him amusedly, “Wonder what you were thinking about.” She chuckles.
“Yeah, yeah, make fun of me.” He rolls her eyes, “Just don’t go anywhere near my skincare.”
She laughs, “Alright, if you promise that you will do something about this.” She tilts her head towards Sirius.
He widens his eyes, “And what? Be his experiment?”
“Come on, you know it wouldn’t be like that.” She rolls her eyes, “Always pessimistic.”
“I’m not acting on it. If he’s not stupid, he knows I like him already.” He shrugs, “And anyway, bi or not, he’s way out of my league. Not like I have a chance in hell with him.”
She rolls her eyes, “Alright, be stubborn. But you’re denying yourself something great just because you’re stupid.”
____________________
That night and all those revelations happened twenty-four hours ago. Now, they’re settled in a hotel room in Rio de Janeiro, after a fifteen-hour flight that Remus spent between Mary and Sirius. It’s safe to say that his ears have exploded, and he cannot enter another ounce of gossip in his brain for the next five years.
He’s taking out a shirt from his suitcase for the next day; white, because he’ll sweat since they’re going to visit the city, and red shorts when Sirius speaks up out of nowhere.
“I didn’t want to ask in front of Mary, but did you really die?” he asks, and when Remus turns around, he sees his eyes wide, “That’s terrifying.”
Remus purses his lips, “I did. It wasn’t that bad.” He lies, “Like going to sleep.”
“How… I mean, what happened?” he asks. “Does it have to do with your scars?” he says in a smaller voice.
Remus sighs and walks over to sit on the bed. Sirius mirrors him quickly and sits next to him, looking at him curiously.
“It has. There was… an accident.” He explains uncomfortably, “A wolf attacked me near the farm when I was nine.”
Sirius’ eyes widen, “Holy shit.”
Remus chuckles, “Yeah. He tore open my chest and I bled out.” He shrugs, “A clean kill, really.”
“How did you survive this?” Sirius lifts a hand as if to touch Remus’ chest where the scars lay but refrains from actually touching. His hand hoovers in the air as Remus takes a deep breath. That’s the part that really hurts, the part that traumatized him. Dying for a minute? Nothing to the lasting consequences.
“My mum was there. She distracted the wolf off me and fought it herself.” He explains, not looking at Sirius. He doesn’t want to see any pity on his face. “That’s how she lost her leg.
Sirius’ jaw drops, and his eyes widen as his hoovering hand finally decides to latch onto Remus’ own. “That’s terrible. I’m so sorry.” He frowns at him, “Are you okay? That must’ve been hard to talk about.”
Remus half listens, because Sirius’ hand is touching his own, and his skin is much too soft and warm for him to think correctly.
“Moony?” Sirius prompts him when he doesn’t answer, looking even more concerned than before. Here comes the mom treatment, he thinks.
“No, no, sorry.” He chuckles, “I’m alright.” They look at each other for a moment, hands still intertwined. Of course, because Sirius has no concept of boundary, he doesn’t let go, and neither does Remus. At that moment, with Sirius looking at him with such care and concern, Remus lets himself dream. Maybe Lily was right, maybe Sirius could like him back, maybe he should try something. He looks at those grey eyes he fell in love with at fifteen and thinks that even if Sirius never likes him in that way, maybe friendship could be enough. It could be. Anything to keep him looking at Remus that way.
A squeeze of his hand brings him back to reality, to catch Sirius mid-sentence “…bring up stuff I shouldn’t, but that’s why you always wear a shirt? I mean, that day in Vegas was the first time in seven years of sharing a dorm that I saw you without a shirt on.” He shrugs, and Remus feels bad at the uncertainty tracing Sirius’ face. He definitely shouldn’t have lost his temper back at that Mexican beach.
Remus lays down on the bed, tugging Sirius’ hand with him. He closes his eyes with a smile on his face and feels a dip in the mattress next to him, “Yeah that’s why.” He answers simply.
“I understand.” Sirius’ voice says, and Remus opens his eyes to see Sirius looking at him, “Even if it’s a shame, I understand why you won’t show them.” He smiles cheekily, making Remus’ face redden.
He shakes his head, still smiling, and decides to ask what he’s been dying to ask for the past twenty four hours. After all, Remus doesn’t need to be the only one to share his secrets.
“Bisexual then?”
“Why? Interested?” Sirius asks, wiggling his eyebrows, and Remus chuckles. He sits up, drops his hand in the process and looks back at Sirius.
“You’re stupid.” He says with a grin, and Sirius’ laugh is beautiful. As Remus announces that he’s taking a shower, all he can think about is of how fucked he is, sharing a bed with his crush who likes other men.
______________________________________
Remus would describe Rio de Janeiro with his best friends an hilarious experience. He feels carefree, young and alive as they walk down Avenida Atlântica, he laughs like tomorrow won’t matter as they take pictures in front of Christ the Redeemer, and he eats Feijoada like he’ll never eat again. Sirius’ advice from about a month ago is ringing in his ears, just live in the moment, and he dissociates from every worry in his life while he’s in Brazil. He doesn’t think about wolves or parents or university or unrequired love, he simply lives and laughs with his friends. It’s the happiest he’s even been.
They only spend two days in Rio, much to James, Sirius and Marlene’s dismay since there’s an amicable football match between Brazil and Argentina on the third night. James claims that his life is ruined when Moody tells them that they have to be in Brasilia the next day, Sirius almost cries and Marlene is a pain for the remaining of the night. Of course, to raise the spirits and her girlfriend’s mood, Dorcas suggests a football game on the beach with their newfound friend group, and Remus is forced to join. He plays like a giraffe who’s never stood before, misses all his passes and gets a football to the head when his team sticks him in the goal, claiming if he’s going to stand there and do nothing, he’d better be a goalie. Without surprise, the game ends 5 to 3 for James and Marlene’s team, and Sirius is even more pissed off when they get to the bar after. Remus and Mary’s efforts to cheer him up are in vain, as they were both the reason why their team lost (what an idea, really, sticking both him and Mary in the same team) and Remus quickly abandons.
He finds Pandora – whom he’s really taken a liking to – and Lily talking at the far end of the bar. He’s not too drunk and listens as Pandora rants about her boyfriend, Xeno, and about how they’re going to open an animal shelter when she comes back. Lily talks about her mum who’s a veterinary, and Remus talks about his farm back home, and Pandora is so interested in all those animals that it’s endearing. He’s halfway through explaining how to help an ewe give birth when something catches his eye at the other end of the bar, where James, Marlene and Dorcas are dancing, still celebrating their earlier win. Sirius is amongst them, dancing along to the Black Eyed Peas “Meet me halfway” with his back stuck snuggly to some other guy. Remus’ attention is completely snagged by this, by Sirius throwing back his head on a handsome stranger’s shoulder while said stranger’s lips are at his neck, with his hands trailing up his ribs. This display makes Remus feel sick, his stomach twists uncomfortably, and the back of his throat closes up. Soon enough, the song is ending, and the stranger takes Sirius’ hand and leads him out of view. Pathetically, Remus feels like crying, because he really did feel happy, that was until he saw another man’s hands on him. For some reason, the girls didn’t hurt as much, because there was a clear reason why Sirius would choose them over him. Now, the only reason is that Sirius simply doesn’t like him and never will.
“Remus…” Lily says, looking at him worryingly. He clears his throat, but the lump doesn’t budge. He desperately wants to be alone to have a good pathetic cry and move on, so he downs the glass in front of him and stands up, muttering for Lily and Pandora not to worry about him. He walks back to the hotel quickly, after all it’s almost next door, and starts walking up the stairs when he hesitates; what if Sirius took back the stranger to their room? The idea alone repulses him, and he walks back to the hotel lobby, where he finds a restroom that seems appropriate enough for crying. He thinks of how pathetic it is, looking for a nice place to cry, and he would laugh if he didn’t feel like dying. The bathroom is empty, so he picks a stall and doesn’t even wait to be sat on the floor to let the waterworks come.
It feels good, to let it all out, even if a bit stupid. He never cries, he never allows himself to, only because he feels guilty of the life he still has, he doesn’t feel like he deserves it. So surely, he won’t waste away the life his mum gave him, sacrificing herself twice for him only for him to spend it crying. Yet here he is, on the floor of the bathroom in Rio de Janeiro, crying because his best friend is fucking with a stranger. How stupid is it? He chuckles and doesn’t seem to stop. He laughs, thinking of how dumb he is, of his stupid feelings and his stupid heart that make him do annoyingly stupid stuff like that.
It’s just that he didn’t expect it, is all; he didn’t think that after staring a second too long at his best friend in 10th grade he’d be head over heels in love with him three years later, feeling like his heart is about to burst anytime he touches him. He didn’t think that he'd let himself hoping that something could happen between them, he didn’t expect for himself to be stupid enough. Why would he want him anyway? Oh, don’t open that door, he thinks, and laughs again, tears streaming down his cheeks. No but why would he want him, really? He’s a battered eighteen-year-old who already has grey hair and who’s way too tall for anyone to be, who has insecurities of a thirteen-year-old girl and he’s not nonchalant in the slightest. Isn’t that what people want? Confident, nonchalant people who aren’t terrified of flirting, not nerdy weirdoes whose friends call him a prude with how terrified of intimacy he is.
After a few more minutes, he takes the time to come up with a solution. It’s what he does, problem equals solution. Tears and heartache equal bandage.
He stands up and leaves the bathroom with red puffy eyes and a slight smile, feeling entirely different than how he entered it. He now has two mantras.
Just live in the moment,
And fake it ‘til you make it.
___________________________
From that moment onwards, Remus is determined to keep the feeling of happiness and raw joy he felt on the first and beginning of the second day in Brazil. Even if that means stepping way out of his comfort zone. He’s trying new things and solely hanging on to probably meaningless words uttered by his friends. He thinks of how Mary once said that scars were hot after seeing scarred man in L.A., he thinks of Marlene agreeing and saying that it made people look tough, and he thinks most of all about Sirius saying that his scars were gorgeous. He forgets about the stranger from Rio and has fun for the day in Brasilia. Even if the all-white way too modern architecture kind of creeps him off, he's still with his friends, and he has fun. Just live in the moment, right? He avoids Sirius, mostly because his breakdown from the other day still embarrasses him, and he apologises to Lily and Pandora who understand right away. Brasilia is over quite soon, after mainly museum visits and politics stuff, and they head over back on the east coast, in Salvador for the fourth, fifth and sixth days.
Salvador is much more Remus’ cup of tea, the colourful houses and streets are a much better asset to his camera roll, and the people are so much more vibrant than anywhere else, and it makes him think of Mexico City and of Tokyo. They meet Luis, a fisherman, who shows them how to fish, and James is put on the spot, and he tries in front of everyone.
Fortunately, it takes him two tries only to catch a small clownfish that has everyone clapping, and Luis clapping him on the back. The sixth day, after two spent visiting the city, taking pictures and listening to Moody go on about the history of the city and the port, they’re finally allowed a beach day. They haven’t had one since Brazil, and everyone needs a break, so no one complains when Moody forbids anyone leaving. They haven’t been allowed to go out at night in Salvador too, because of the criminality and Moody saying that he can’t afford to lose any student, so they’ve kept to the hotel minibar and James and Peter’s room, which has now become James and Lily’s room for a few weeks now, Lily and Peter exchanging for him to stay with Sybill instead.
So now, on the sixth day, Remus is getting ready for the beach with an extra eager Sirius next to him.
“I’m going to get a tan today, you’re not ready. I’m going to come back toasted!” Sirius rants as he lathes his arms with sunscreen.
Remus snorts, “Like you’ve ever tanned in your life.” He says, putting a cap backwards on his head. He’s wearing a green shirt and red shorts, and he tries not to think about what he promised himself he’d do today.
“I have too!” Sirius gapes, “I can’t believe you’d say that to me.”
“Ah yes sorry, you went from ghostly to slightly alive.” He muses, “You’re as tan as it gets.”
“Oh shut up, you.” Sirius rolls his eyes, “We can’t all tan naturally while under a parasol.”
Remus shakes his head, and soon enough, they’re both joining the group with towels, swimsuits and sunscreen. Sirius is already getting a sunburn, which Remus thinks is adorable, how he still thinks he can tan, and they amble on towards the beach. It’s actually not that warm, and it hits Remus at that moment that it’s actually winter here. Yet, in Britain, this would be beach-appropriate weather. But thankfully, he made a promise to himself, and today, he’s finally getting in the water instead of toasting on the beach in 30°C, completely dry.
It's a challenge, after everyone has claimed their spot and put down his towel, to take off his shirt like everyone else. He takes a few deep breaths, clears his mind and tries not to think about anyone laughing at him, or looking too closely, but he truly has trouble not to. He closes his eyes, and James, ever the hero, claps him on the shoulder and asks.
“You’re coming today Moony? Apparently, the water’s deep enough for a game of water polo!” he exclaims, and Remus knows that he’s just asking so that he doesn’t feel left aside. And Remus wants to prove him wrong.
Just fake it ‘til you make it.
So, he grins at James and takes off his shirt in one swift motion. “I better be on your team.” He says, and fights hard with himself not to look down at his body. He curls his fingers in his fist and plants his nails hard in his palm, and it helps him not panic. Grounds him, in a way. He braces himself and looks at James, who is staring back in astonishment. Whether it be because of the scars or simply because it’s so un-Remus of him, he doesn’t know, but Remus doesn’t want to. Unable to take the staring much longer, he walks towards the ocean, where Lily, Marlene, Peter and Dorcas are already huddled. He’s starting to realise just how exposed he is when he feels the slight ocean wind hitting his abs, and he starts to fantasize about running back up the beach and putting his shirt back on when he hears a gasp from the ocean.
“The day has come!” Peter exclaims, “Moony’s joining us!” he throws his arms up in celebration, and Remus chuckles feebly.
“Yeah, yeah, you’ve convinced me.” He smiles sheepishly, scratching at the back of his neck. He’s never felt this awkward in his life, with his stomach and huge scars visible for everyone, and he’s dying to get in the water, where he can somewhat hide.
“Nice to have you here, Rem.” Dorcas grins at him, “Can’t wait to kick your arse.”
“Did James force you to come? I can have a word with him if you want to.” Lily suggests sweetly, and Remus feels so grateful of his friends.
“No, don’t worry about it.” He smiles at Lily, “He didn’t force me to come.”
“Of course I didn’t force him!” James shouts from the edge of the beach. He walks up to their group, who is already mid-thigh deep in the water. Only a bit more to cover the stomach. “Moony just wanted to shock us all and show a newfound skill in water polo is all.”
Remus rolls his eyes, “One more joke about my level in sports and I’m leaving.”
“No, no, no, no, no please we’re finally a fair number.” James begs, “Two teams of five, we can have a real game.”
“I’m with Cas.” Marlene says right away.
“Of course you are,” Mary, who has suddenly appeared with the rest of the group, rolls her eyes, “I’m with Remus. Tall as he is he’ll catch every ball.”
“And you’ll probably drown.” Lily adds, making everyone laugh.
“You can be on my team but I’m already with James.” Remus says. He feels eyes on his and folds his arms over his torso. Better than nothing.
“So, two tall, muscled guys can save me if I drown? A dream come true.” Mary muses.
Marlene, like the rest of the group, chuckles, “We’ll take Sirius on our team then.”
Sirius, who seems to wake up from a faraway dream, nods and stands next to Marlene and Dorcas.
“We’ll take Lily.” James requests. “And Sybill. Sorry Pete, but she is taller than you.”
“We’ll take him and Pandora.” Dorcas adds, “You have no idea what type of beast Panda is.”
They all agree on the teams and finally get deep enough in the water for the game to start. Well, it’s really not that deep and most of Remus’ torso is on plain sight, but any deeper and Mary was actually drowning, so they refrained from doing so. They play for the better part of two hours, James is giving everything he has, Remus isn’t that bad, Dorcas and Marlene have adopted an attack system based on just them two and Pandora who’s every bit the beast Dorcas described. She’s not the sweet cat of a person when she plays; she’s fearless and mean and she doesn’t hesitate to hurt them if it means getting a goal in. The only one who’s off is Sirius, and Remus is almost certain it’s because he’s the only one not wearing a cap, obviously a little brit like him would get a heat stroke. After two hours, Marlene’s team wins, courtesy of Pandora, and they walk back up to the beach. Even after two hours, Remus feels exposed and tired; it does take a lot of mental willpower to not freak out anytime anyone even such at glances at his scars. As soon as they’re back with their stuff, Remus dries himself as quickly as possible and puts his shirt back on, and despite the heat, it feels perfect. He’s protected again.
Everyone is pretty much exhausted, so they all lie on their towels and talk about nothing and everything. When Lily is done putting an obscene amount of sunscreen on her face and shoulders, gingers, he thinks, she comes over and lies next to him.
“Hey, how do you feel?” she asks sweetly, and Remus gets it.
“Better now I have a shirt on.” He chuckles, “I promise, I’m okay Lils.” He smiles at her.
“I’m glad.” She smiles back and lies back. After not even a minute, Mary comes to sit on the remaining towel at Lily’s feet.
“Jeez, enough sunscreen, Ginger?” she tells Lily, who swats her foot at her, “Rem, what you did was insane.”
He sits up to properly squint at her, “What I did...?”
“You know!” she tilts her head towards where Sirius is sitting, “You proper broke him.”
He frowns and looks at Lily, who is simply lying with a smug look on her face, “What do you mean?”
“You’re so thick.” She rolls her eyes, “I swear as soon as you took off your shirt, he wasn’t able to form a proper sentence.”
At her words, Lily looks even more smug than before and pushes Remus’ shoulder, “I knew you were doing it to make him mad.” She chuckles.
“You should flirt with someone.” Mary presses, “Then you’re sure he’d make a move.”
Remus frowns at them and at their absurdity, “You’re being absurd,” he says, “I wasn’t doing it for anyone but myself.” He lies. Maybe, just maybe, some part of him buried deep down was hoping he’d notice. And, well, mission accomplished, it seems.
“Pfft, you’re so boring.” Mary rolls her eyes, “Thank God you’re hot.”
“Keep the flattery to yourself, Macdonald.” Remus mumbles as he lays back down on his towel. He risks a glance towards the group on his left, where Sirius and James are talking, and finds a pair of grey eyes on him.
__
Brazil makes Remus sweat and uncomfortable with himself, and it’s not because of the warmth. It’s because of the two eyes that seem to follow him everywhere. It makes Remus think that Mary was wrong, that he didn’t break Sirius, but that he gave him murderous ideas. Because why is he always glaring at Remus like he has wronged him in every way possible?
It’s safe to say that Remus does not feel cool and breezy for the remaining of the trip. He’s anxious, his hands are always clammy and he feels like he’s doing something wrong all the time. He feels like he’s just waiting for something to happen, and yet he only feels apprehensive and nervous and not at all excited. It may be because he has no idea what he’s waiting for, if it’s for Sirius to kill him, kiss him or insult him. His stomach drops every time they find themselves alone at night, but nothing ever happens. They talk normally, if not a bit restrained, and then Sirius locks himself in the bathroom for an hour, and Remus takes it as his cue to sleep. And every morning since the seventh, he wakes up to an empty bed.
They spend the seventh and eight-day, the 28th of June, visiting Manaus, and nothing really happens until that night. Sirius sticks to James, Marlene and Dorcas while Remus stays with Lily and Mary, and they simply visit the city like they’ve done for the last two months. It’s gorgeous, as usual, and Remus thinks that it’s a shame how most people haven’t seen anything like this. He takes as many pictures as possible and avoids Sirius at all costs, and everything is fine. Except that the eyes keep following him.
That evening, Remus is sitting next to James and Peter at a steakhouse in Manaus. Moody told them to eat loads tonight, because they’re heading for the Amazone jungle the next morning and won’t get to eat much once there. Remus is looking forward to step foot in the wild again; as much as he loves cities, he will always have a soft spot for nature. So, naturally, he eats and drinks way too much, and even if he has to ignore the eyes on him, it’s a good night. Everyone is having fun, everyone but Sirius who is silently glaring at Remus. After his third drink, Remus decides to quit ignoring him, that if he’s going to stare at him for the next four months, he might as well do it properly. Remus raises his eyes to look at him, and to his surprise, Sirius doesn’t look away. He holds eye contact, and Remus sees something he’s never seen in his eyes before. Something that makes his breath catch and his heartbeat louder and faster in is chest. Remus takes a deep breath and puts his hand on the table to ground himself, still keeping eye contact. He frowns at him in question, what are you doing?
Sirius smirks, what do you think I’m doing?
At that same moment, James asks him to pass the salt, and Remus lets the eye contact go reluctantly. He releases a breath he didn’t realise he was holding and gives the salt to James. When he looks back to Sirius’s seat, he finds it empty; a curly headed boy is walking towards the bathroom.
Remus doesn’t stop to think. He pushes his seat from the table and follows him onto the restroom. It’s behind the tall oak door that leads to Sirius, the only thing separating them. He steadies himself, takes a deep breath and pushes the door. He finds Sirius leaning against the sink, a cigarette between his fingers.
“You can’t smoke here.” Remus warns him and walks over to where he is standing.
“Says who?” Sirius asks and puts the fag between his lips. He goes to light it when Remus seizes it and puts it behind his own ear. “Thief.”
“Told you, you can’t smoke here.” Remus continues and leans his side against the sink, looking at Sirius.
“Why’d you follow me?” Sirius asks, fumbling for another cigarette.
Remus takes it and rolls it between his fingers, “Why have you been staring at me?”
Sirius smirks again, that Sirius Black smirk, and turns to mirror Remus’ position, “I think we both know why, Lupin.”
Somehow, these words are enough for Remus to drop his cigarette and for his shorts to tighten around him.
“I don’t-“ Remus starts, but Sirius doesn’t seem to think, just takes a step forward, cups Remus’ face with both of his hands and kisses him full on the mouth.
Remus is beyond surprised, and it takes him a second to realise what is happening to grab Sirius’ jaw as well. Sirius sighs at soon as their mouths collide, and he grabs Remus’ waist to pull him closer.
They kiss hungrily, letting their lips, tongues and teeth meet the other for the first time while their hands roam over the other’s body. Remus lets his hands wander in Sirius’ hair and tugs a little, which makes him let out a small moan, and Remus thinks it’s the best thing he’s ever heard in his life. He wants to hear it again, louder and for everyday until he dies, and it hits him that it may be the only time he gets to kiss him, and he hasn’t touched his arse yet. Unforgivable. Upon that thought, Sirius decides to bite on Remus’ lip, and it makes him groan as he backs Sirius up against the wall and puts both hands on his ass. He taps twice on it, and when Sirius doesn’t get it, too focused on eating the other’s face, Remus leans back and whispers against his lips while tapping lightly on his bum again.
“Jump, you idiot”
Sirius sighs and moans harder as Remus takes onto biting his earlobe, and finally wraps his legs around Remus’ waist. He tangles his hands in Remus’ hair, and tugs back for him to expose his neck. It works, and Sirius attacks his cheek, jaw and neck with open mouthed kisses that make Remus positively feral. He’s insanely good at what he does too, and Remus needs to kiss him again, which he does and is met with a smile against his lips. They kiss insatiably for a few more minutes until they hear someone yell outside of the restroom.
“Guys, put out your fags, Mary and Marlene are fighting, you need to come out here.” Peter shouts at them from outside, and if there’s ever a cockblock, it’s Peter.
“Fucking hell.” Remus swears, making Sirius laugh.
“We have to go, don’t we?” he says with a low voice, and he looks even more gorgeous than he usually does, with red bitten lips and ran through hair. His shirt is a little askew and he looks every bit fucked, and Remus is proud to be the one to have brought that on.
Remus presses one last kiss to his lips and lets Sirius go, getting two steps away from him. They look at themselves in the mirror, and Remus doesn’t look any better than Sirius. He straightens his clothes and waits for Sirius before heading out of the restroom. In passing, Sirius mutters, “You owe me a fag.” as they step into the restaurant. Mary and Marlene are standing on either side of the table, glaring at each other, and Remus is certain they missed an episode.
“Just say that I’m a slut, why don’t you?” Mary shouts at her, “It’s basically what you’re saying anyway.”
“It’s not, you stupid twat, there’s no discussing with you anyway.” Marlene rolls her eyes,
“Well no, there’s no discussing since I’m ‘busy getting dick every night’ as you so nicely put it.” Mary rolls her eyes, “All I said was that we never hung out anymore and you have to insult me. You think it’s nice to hear?”
“It’s surely nicer than hearing my relationship’s not important because we’re both women?” Marlene retorts, “Eye for eye, Mary.”
“That’s not what I said!” Mary exclaims.
“I didn’t say you were a slut either and yet you’re still yelling!” Marlene shouts,
Mary shakes her head, “You meant it anyway and I can’t even look at you right now. I’m sharing rooms with Sirius tonight.” She announces and gestures for Sirius to go with her. He nods and follows her out of the restaurant.
“Why of course, you wouldn’t want to share with a lesbian.” Marlene says after her, and slumps in her seat once she and Sirius are gone.
“Do you want some water?” Lily asks her gently.
“No.” she sighs, “Of course Dorcas had to be sick tonight.” She rolls her eyes.
“I can get her, if you want,” Sybill offers, “I’m sure she wouldn’t say no to keeping you company.”
“No don’t bother her. She needs her rest. I’ll share with Remus tonight, if it’s okay?” she asks.
“Yeah of course.” He nods at her, “Anything.”
Ten minutes later, he gets a text from Sirius; we’re staying in the girls’ room, you take marls to ours, we’ll talk later x; that makes him presses his lips together to suppress a smile and he takes Marlene up to their room. She keeps apologising, saying that she didn’t want to crash their evening, and Remus would be angry at the cockblocking if it wasn’t Marlene. She’s a rockstar in every sense of the term, but she’s also insanely sweet and understanding. Kind of like Sirius, really. Maybe Remus has a type.
“I didn’t even mean to insult her. I was just mad at her.” She sighs, twenty minutes later as she sits on top of Sirius’ side of the bed. Well, the right side, but it really is Sirius’.
“I’m sure she knows. We’re all tired, and you both said things you didn’t mean. She’ll have forgiven you tomorrow.”
“I hope. She just said that I spent too much time with Cas, and that our friendship was more important, but I don’t feel that way. Maybe it’s shitty, but I think she’s the one, and I don’t want to prioritize my friendship with Mary over my relationship.” Marlene bites her lip, “Is that shitty of me? To prioritize my relationship over my friendship?”
Remus shrugs, “I’m not an expert, but I think it’s normal. You’re not going to get married with Mary. You might with Cas.” He takes a breath, “I understand Mary too, I mean, you’ve only been together a month. She might not see it as important as you do.”
“Yeah, I know.” Marlene sighs, “I shouldn’t have said that I wasn’t hanging with her anymore because she was always busy with some guy. She really didn’t take it well.” She chuckles humourlessly.
“I know. I’m telling you, Marls, give it a night, apologize tomorrow, and all will be well.” Remus repeats, and Marlene breathes out.
“Yeah, you’re right. You’re right.” She smiles a little and lays on the bed. She closes her eyes and asks, “What’s up with you Rem? You keep checking your phone.”
Remus pauses with his hand on top of his phone to check his notifications to look back at Marlene. She’s already looking at him with a knowing smile, and she laughs when Remus still checks his notifications. He has none.
“Is it Sirius, then?” Marlene asks, wriggling her eyebrows.
“Does everyone know?” Remus sighs and puts his phone down. He’s pathetic. He lies down next to Marlene and closes his eyes.
“Pretty much.” She chuckles, “What happened then?” she asks cheekily, all subjects of Mary forgotten.
“I kissed him.” He blurts out, like the words had been ready to come out. It’s only when he says them that she realises how much he wanted to talk about it. He opens his eyes and sees that Marlene has sat upright and is staring at him with a disbelieving look on her face.
“What! When?” She asks, grinning. Well, you don’t grow up with Mary without developing a love for gossip, he thinks.
“Just, tonight. In the bathroom.” He closes his eyes again and pushes his hand in his hair, and immediately has flashbacks of someone else’s hands in his hair. He snaps them off his hair and hears Marlene laughing.
“You’re proper shaken then.” She laughs, “Come on, give me the deets, what happened?”
Remus rolls his eyes but smiles, “I just kissed him. Because he’s been driving me crazy since the water polo game. And he kissed me back.” He adds, just because he wants to say it to acknowledge it. He kissed Sirius Black. And Sirius Black kissed him back.
“Oh I remember the mess he was during the game. Could hardly get him to pass the ball.” She chuckles, “I win ten pounds though, cheers.”
“What?” he snaps his eyes open to see a smug Marlene looking back at him.
“I bet Cas you’d hook up by the end of Brazil. She said it had to happen during Egypt.”
Remus sits up and looks at her with the most affronted face he can muster, “You bet on my sexual life?” he asks.
Marlene laughs again, “Aw, Sirius and James were right, you are a prude!”
“I hate you. And Dorcas. Never bet on me again. Please.” He asks and stands up to get his short and tee shirt he’s been using as pyjamas, “We’re sleeping now.”
“Yes grandpa, we’re sleeping at midnight.” She rolls her eyes but gets beneath the sheets.
____________
The last day in Brazil is planned in the midst of the Amazone jungle. Well, not the midst, but more the tourist area with nice species that won’t kill him and guides. Remus wakes up that morning from a dream where he’s simply cuddling with Sirius, and smiles when he remembers what happened the day before. He wants to giggle and kick his feet like a teenage girl, and looks behind him to see Marlene still sleeping, star fishing on the bed. He smiles more widely and grins in the pillow when he thinks of Sirius’ hands on his hair and of his own hands on Sirius’ ass. He thinks of the small ‘x’ at the end of his text to Remus, and of the cigarette he still had behind his hear after their kiss that is now sitting on his bedside table. He feels his cheek redden but his grin gets wider yet when he thinks of Sirius’ face after they kissed, of his red lips and cheeks and ran through hair, and he can’t wait to see him today, and to talk. He desperately wants to talk and clear it all up.
An hour later, after a very quick breakfast, they’re all ushered in a bus where they have to sit in alphabetical order, so Remus finds himself with Mary, who clears things up and apologises with Marlene who is behind them for the whole journey. At least they’re on good terms again, Remus thinks, but he really wanted to talk to Sirius. It’s still not possible once they get there; any other talking than the guide is forbidden as to not spook the animals, and while it’s gorgeous and insanely interesting, he wishes he was visiting some city where he has free speech. As Moody told them the day before, they don’t get a lunch break but instead walk inside the forest to see a bunch of beautiful parrots flying around. Remus feels inside the movie Rio 2, and he thinks that really, there are worst reason for not being able to speak. It’s not until seven in the afternoon that they get a chance to speak. Or, well, they could’ve had a chance to speak.
As Remus walks over to him, James and Lily have time to find Sirius and talk about the animals they saw earlier. Mary, Marlene, Dorcas and Pandora join soon enough, and once Remus gets there – he was very far – the whole group has joined. So Remus laughs along with everyone and only catches Sirius’ eye a few times, that convey the same message he’s sure his eyes convey too: we need to talk.
On the bus back, they’re on alphabetical order again, and the whole group is there at dinner, which is spent getting drunk. It’s their last evening in Brazil, so of course Remus doesn’t stay sober and doesn’t refuse when some guy the table over offers them some joints and when they get back at their hotel room, they’re both too drunk and high to have a real conversation. They keep laughing and laughing without seeming to stop, and Sirius ends up falling asleep in the empty bathtub while Remus passes out on the bedroom floor, a laugh still on his lips.