Egypt
The morning after is a bitch, like always, and Remus spends more time trying to feel like a human being again than actually getting up. Still, in due time, they’re at the airport in Manaus for Rio de Janeiro, and then to Cairo in Egypt with a killer headache. They’re in for five hours for the first flight, and Remus sees an opportunity right there. As they’re board, Remus sticks close to Sirius, and whispers in his ear.
“Sit together? So we can talk for a bit?”
Sirius nods at him, looking over his shoulder, and gets them a seat in the far back, quite a few rows away from their friends. Privacy assured, they wait until take off to actually get to talking, when Sirius takes Remus’ hand as a comforting manner, which is now part of their flight routine, and he really doesn’t need to since they’ve taken more flights than any reasonable person usually does, but he still does. It’s nice, Remus thinks.
After a moment, Sirius turns in his seat to face Remus, a determined look on his face. Okay, we’re doing this then. They look at each other wordlessly for a moment, until Sirius laughs, releasing a huge breath. Remus does the same, and it’s ridiculous how nervous they are. They’re best friends after all, aren’t they?
Sirius seems to realise that, and smiles unabashedly, “Moony, we kissed.” There’s excitement written all over his face that makes Remus chuckle, and suddenly, his nerves seem to disappear.
“Yeah, we did. Made the fuck out, actually.” Remus grins.
“I totally would’ve sucked you off if Pete hadn’t interrupted.”
If Remus was drinking something, he would’ve totally spilled it. He stares at Sirius like he has two heads until the other starts laughing.
“What! If we’re going to do this, you’re going to have to be a bit less of a prude.” Sirius warns.
“Excuse me, I didn’t realise you were so explicit.” Remus chuckles, but then realises what Sirius said, “If we’re going to do this?” he repeats with a questioning look.
Sirius looks away bashfully and shakes his head, “Never mind. What did you, er, what to talk about?” he stammers in a very un-Sirius way that is kind of adorable.
“I just wanted to know if you regretted it, I guess.” He shrugs and repositions himself to be facing Sirius in his seat, “And if it changes anything between us.” He adds in a lower voice, because he’s terrified. He doesn’t know if he would be able to keep their friendship intact if he knows exactly what Sirius tastes and feels like.
Sirius stares at Remus with a wide-eyed look and adds his other hand to the one already holding Remus’. He needs the physical touch, Remus knows, so he adds his other hand too. “I sure as fuck don’t regret it. I’ve been dying to kiss you, Moony.” He says in a voice so solemn it makes Remus fucking giggle. What the hell has he become?
“But I…well I’ve never been with a guy.” He continues, looking down at their intertwined hands. Remus squeezes his hand to prompt him, “I don’t know how to do this.”
“You seemed to know exactly what to do in that bathroom the other day.”
Sirius smirks, losing any sort of shyness he had, and raises his eyebrows suggestively, “Liked that, didn’t you, Lupin?” For some godforsaken reason, his last name in Sirius’ mouth makes his stomach swoop and his breath catch, something Sirius doesn’t miss, “Thought so.” He adds smugly.
“You git.” Remus swears, shakes his head and leans towards him. Infuriatingly, Sirius doesn’t budge, his smirk still in place, and then, Remus remembers something he noticed in the bathroom the other day and decides to give it a try. He leans closer still and only stops when he reaches his ear, he whispers, “I can show you how to be with a man.”
Sirius goes comically still as Remus whispers, and it also wipes that stupid smirk off his face. Remus leans back and looks at the expression on Sirius’ face, looking like it’s the very first time he’s ever really seen Remus. After a second and a pointed eyebrow raise from Remus, he blurts out, “You’re flirting with me.” And simultaneously goes very red.
Like a train, all that he just did seems to catch up with Remus, and his nerves are back on stronger than ever. Did he misread the whole interaction? Did he just get it all wrong and spooked Sirius for life? He splutters for a moment, until he finally utters out, “Is that alright?”
“Yes.” Sirius says immediately, “Yes, sorry. I’m just not used to this version of you. I mean, you’re my Moony, and we’re flirting. I mean, it’s not very usual, is it?” he explains, with a coy smile.
Remus chuckles nervously, “Yeah, I get it. I can’t even believe you know that I fancy you.” He lifts his hand to pick on his lip, something he does when he’s anxious, and Sirius watches the motion intently.
“For the record, I fancy you too.” He says, still watching Remus’ hand. Remus doesn’t register the several seconds that pass, too concentrated on not looking too bloody happy about this, but at last Sirius speaks up again with a determined face, “Follow me.” He mutters and stands up. He steps over Remus’ seat and walks out on the alley in between the rows of seats. Remus takes a second but finally gets to his feet and follows Sirius, and soon enough, he realises just where they’re headed.
He enters the bathroom after making sure no one saw them, and surely enough finds Sirius leaning against the sink, the same image that greeted him in that Brazilian restroom.
“Lock the door.” Sirius says, his eyes trained on Remus, who complies and locks the door. When he turns back around, he finds Sirius hoovering in his personal space.
“Oh. Hey.” Remus whispers and looks at Sirius’ grey doe eyes, his long, long lashes, his straight perfect nose and his pouty pinks lips. His high cheekbones and the glint in his eyes, the expense of his neck and the small freckle next to his eyebrow that Remus has always thought would be a lovely place to kiss. He raises a hand and places it on Sirius’ neck delicately. He traces circles with his thumb over Sirius’ pulse and thinks of how poetic it would be for his heartbeat to match Sirius’. He takes in Sirius hair, the single strand curling over his left eye and pushes it behind Sirius’ ear with his other hand that he rests over the side of his head. Too concentrated on the way Sirius’ earing glitters under the bathroom light reflecting a mesmerizing twinkle in Sirius’ grey irises, he doesn’t see his hands reach over until he feels them on himself. A hand pushes on his chest, right over his heart, as if Sirius heard his stupidly romantic thoughts, while another reaches up to cup his jaw and pulls down sweetly. Sirius raises his heels from the floor to meet Remus who is also pulling on his face, and beautifully, they meet in the middle, lips crashing together like they’d always been meant for it.
It’s entirely different from the first kiss they shared. It’s not rushed, they know they have all the time in the world. It’s not hungry and hurried, trying to muster all the want and lust in only one kiss; no, it’s sweet and delicate and everything Remus didn’t think he could find in a kiss. It’s still hot, because hello, he’s kissing Sirius Orion Black, the sexiest motherfucker on earth, but it’s sweeter than he could’ve ever imagined. They’re kissing just to kiss, because they finally can, after years, for Remus, of waiting. His hands are on Sirius’ face while Sirius’ are on his waist, something that definitely shouldn’t turn him on this much, and they kiss long and deep, exploring and learning the other, what makes them sigh and moan and what makes them reangle the kiss. It feels like years but also microseconds, and Remus feels like he’s floating.
It only hits him once Sirius pulls back that he’s grinning, and is quickly followed by Sirius who smiles too, and laughs. Remus joins him and drops his hands from his face to wrap around Sirius’ frame in a hug. Sirius takes the occasion to wrap his own arms around Remus’ neck.
“It’s so easy with you.” Sirius smiles and rests his head against Remus’ chest, right under his chin. Remus only smiles and puts his chin on top of Sirius’ head, not before smelling in his curls.
__
After a second flight next to Sirius and James that lasted seventeen hours spent on sleeping and watching the Atlantic Ocean beneath him – he got the window seat for once – they finally land in Cairo. Remus feels a new man, because he’s no longer simply pathetically in love with his best friend, but he’s now flirting and kissing his gorgeous bi best friend. Isn’t life great?
It’s three in the morning when they land, and five when they get at the hotel that’s further into the city. Moody gives them until noon to sleep, and that’s how Remus finds himself freshly showered, tucked in an Egyptian bed, waiting for Sirius to get out of the shower. It doesn’t take too long, but long enough for him to get anxious. It has been more than twenty hours since their talk, and Remus is already scared that he might’ve changed his mind. He knows, realistically that it’s stupid, but he can’t help it; he also hasn’t been alone with him in what feels like ages, and he’s simply nervous. He doesn’t know what to expect; will Sirius expect new, different things that come with sharing a bed now that they’re… doing whatever they’re doing, or is nothing going to change?
“Moony? You asleep?” Sirius whispers across the room. Remus sits back up on his elbows and shakes his head, looking at him. Sirius smiles and walks over to the bed, throws back the covers and settles closer to Remus than he usually does. Feeling giddy, Remus settles his arm around Sirius, who raises his head and puts it on Remus’ bicep. “Nice.”
“We have to sleep”, Remus mumbles, “Cairo today. You won’t distract me from the pyramids.”
“Who’re you lying to?” Sirius asks with sleep in his voice. He inches closer to Remus, settling his body halfway on top of his and hiding his frozen hands and feet under Remus’ back and thighs to seek warmth. He’s holding onto Remus like a koala and noses at Remus’ tanned neck.
“No distracting” Remus repeats half-heartedly. If truth be told, he would totally agree to anything Sirius asked, but they really have to sleep. And they have time to do all that stuff.
Remus wraps one arm over Sirius’ chest, holding him back against his own and lets his other arm shut the lights next to him. Once in the dark, Sirius breathes deeply and starts giggling.
“What?” Remus mutters quietly.
“You smell like the Hogwin’s kitchens” he smiles against Remus’ neck, “Reminds me of the nights we snuck out there.” He breathes deeply again and chuckles.
Remus chuckles, “The padfoot incident.” He reminisces, making Sirius shake with laughter. After a minute, they both calm down, sleep taking over. Remus feels the cool breath of Sirius on his neck with each of his respirations and tightens his arms around him.
“Goodnight, Moony.” He mumbles, and within minutes, Remus is falling asleep to the rhythm of Sirius’ steady breathing, a smile stretched over his face.
_
The next morning, at one in the afternoon, they’re dressed in white shirts and shorts to visit the city of Cairo. Moody decided to separate the Cairo visit with the Giza visit, which started out a lot of commotion from pyramids enthusiasts, but Remus is glad. Egypt was one of the rare countries his parents had ever been to, and they’d told him about all the beautiful things to see inside the capital that are, to his opinion, far more impressive than the pyramids.
Unimpressively, they all eat at McDonald’s for lunch, and immediately set over the city; they see the Citadel of Saladin with a surprisingly passionate explanation of the history by Moody, then the Hanging Church and finally, the Al-Nour Mosque. For some reason, this all fascinates Remus, who thinks the history and mixing of so many religions inside of the same city is beautiful. He takes far more pictures of the city and monuments than he did before, and he starts to have a small idea on what his thesis could be about.
If he’s honest, he had pretty much forgotten about the thesis they’re supposed to write by the end of the trip; too busy discovering the world, making friends and being a lovesick fool, he’d completely forgotten the only condition to his trip; they have to write a thesis about it to enter university. Well, he already has his place in Cambridge, but he’s sure to be noticed amongst the other students if he already has a thesis ready about worldwide history and culture.
It's only around eight at night that Remus hangs back with his group of friends instead of hanging with the few other students like him who are genuinely interested, sharing notes and pictures. Of course, Lily is with him, ever the intellectual, and when they reach the group, they’re getting laughed at, mostly by James and Sirius who are already a few drinks in. They make them try Arak, a strong alcohol from the middle east, and it doesn’t take long until they’re all pissed, singing ABBA at a karaoke bar with some other tourists. Sirius declares Arak to be his new favourite beverage, clutching a bottle like an addict, starts an argument with James and Remus who declare that Mexican tequila is better, and Peter throws up in a dumpster next to Mary, who is having her tarot cards read by some dingy looking woman. It’s a good night, and it’s four in the morning when they get back to the hotel, all pissed and disgusting. They fall asleep almost immediately, still in their clothes and with their teeth unbrushed, only to be woken up three hours later to visit Giza.
The bus they take over to the pyramid site is filled with snores of still drunk teenagers and groans of hangover students, and a little over an hour later, they’re all standing in front of three huge pyramids, three smaller and the great sphynx. Remus instantly wishes he hadn’t spent so much time letting Sirius convince him that Arak is better than tequila by lining him up shots, because he is certain Moody’s explanations wouldn’t have sounded so blurry and confusing and loud if he was sober. Nevertheless, the visit is amazing, and Remus falls in love with the history, even if he definitely needs to puke.
“We have the same at our school.” James tells Lily, Mary, Marlene and Dorcas, sounding way too chipper for someone who just slept three hours, pointing at the sphynx.
“How? Another thing the British stole?” Mary asks, cocking an eyebrow.
“Well first of all, our school’s Scottish, so back off.” James starts, “And it’s a replica. Not really Egyptian.” He adds, grimacing a bit.
“How’d you know that?” Sirius asks from behind his thick hangover sunglasses.
“Minnie told me.” He shrugs, earning a narrowed look from Lily as they walk near the great Sphynx to get inside.
“Who’s Minnie?” she asks, frowning. Sirius, Remus and Peter laugh despite their throbbing headaches, and James splutters. Finally, he laughs too, earning a judgy look from his girlfriend. “Okay, laugh at me. I’ll just visit the Sphynx with Gideon instead of you.” She starts to walk away, when James catches her forearm. “And just who allowed you to touch me?” she raises an eyebrow.
“You’re in trouble.” Mary singsongs, followed by a giggling Marlene.
“Sorry!” James drops Lily’s arm right away, “No, Lils, Minnie’s our headmistress.” He explains, “We’re just tight with her because we, well, we were often in her office is all.” He shrugs sheepishly.
“James’ her favourite.” Remus adds.
Sirius gasps, “Blasphemy! I’m her favourite.” He gapes at Remus, looking really hurt.
“He’s lying, James’ her favourite. Sirius just has a crush on her.” Peter points at Sirius, who holds his hand up to his heart.
“Crush my heart, why don’t you?” he cries like the dramatic git he is.
“Stop whining. Point is, Lily, James is in love with our headmistress. Big time.” Peter explains solemnly.
“Oh yeah.” Remus continues, “They’re having a secret love affair. When he says he’s calling Effie?” he shakes his head, “He’s really flirting with Minnie.”
Lily gasps dramatically, obviously having dropped whatever bout of jealousy she had before, “Am I the other woman?”
“Does she really love you more than me?” Sirius continues, now feigning sobs, hand on Peter’s shoulder to hold himself up.
“Guys!” James cries, “Stop it! Have some respect for Minerva!”
“Oh it’s Minerva now?” Lily remarks.
“Come on!” James shakes his head, “I’m just saying, Minnie’s just our headmistress, and I’m not in love with her! I just respect her, like a good student.”
“You liar!” Peter pushes his shoulder.
“Like a good Head Boy?” Sirius mocks, making them laugh.
“Always wondered what the 'Head' stood for.” Remus adds, a grin on his face, as Moody’s voice booms over the group.
“In pairs now to get your tickets! And SILENCE inside the sphynx!” he looks pointedly at their group, “And really, McGonagall?” he tells James more quietly, “I mean, she looks fine, but she’s an old bird, you know.” The judgment written over his face makes them all burst out laughing and James turn redder than the pyramid standing over them.
_________
The third day is spent in Cairo again, exploring more castles and monuments, buying souvenirs and strolling aimlessly along the Khân al-Khailili bazar, all while talking with sellers and tourists, laughing and taking pictures. They get one girl from what James and Sirius now call ‘Lils and Moons’ swot club’ to take a picture of all ten of them standing in front of a beautiful monument in al-Muizz Street with Remus’ camera that he knows, the moment the girl clicks, will be his favourite. He’s standing in the middle with Sirius’ shoulder under his arm and James next to them, holding two fingers over Sirius’ head to give him bunny ears, Lily tucked in his own side. Marlene and Dorcas are laughing together next to Lily, pointing over at some bird that’s out of the picture, Peter and Sybill are holding hands, smiling sweetly at the picture while Pandora is squatting in front of them all with Mary, doing a silly pose. He looks at himself, and at the big, goofy grin stretching across his face, and he almost doesn’t recognise himself. He simply smiles, ignores the tug at his heart that wants him to be overly dramatic over this and goes on with his day.
The next day, he wakes up at seven, an hour ahead of his alarm because the stupid curtains do not block any light whatsoever, so he can’t even sleep in. Thankfully, they went to sleep early the night before, so Remus isn’t too tired and doesn’t try to go back to sleep; instead, he enjoys the hour he gets to look at Sirius sleeping.
It’s creepy, but it’s starting to be one of Remus’ favourite things. He just looks so peaceful in his sleep, more boyish than man, and it’s one of the only moments Sirius doesn’t have his people face on, the only moment he’s unguarded, when he’s not Sirius Black, life of the party, but simply Sirius, a boy who sometimes drools in his sleep. It’s more endearing than it should be, but Remus doesn’t really have any pretence to be remotely normal about Sirius. So, he watches as Sirius’ eyelashes twitch in his sleep, he looks at the steady breath sweeping over his top lip, at the sigh that sometimes escapes him.
For some reason, or really, many reasons, he’s brought back to that morning, back in Korea, when Sirius had uttered his name in his sleep. He blushes at the thought, at the memory of Sirius’s sleep entranced voice and of his shameful wank in the bathroom. At the memory of Sirius wanking too, when he came back inside the room. He feels a tightening in his gut, and almost laughs at how ridiculous his body is.
Then, he thinks about how it has been about three days since they really kissed, since that moment in the plane, that moment that has been playing over and over again in his head. He's not usually one for sweet and long kisses, he has rarely shared any with his only ex, Kingsley, but with Sirius, he craves to have one again. Remus knows, they haven’t kissed since then because there hasn’t been any opportunity; either accompanied by their friends, or too drunk or tired to do anything; they’ve only shared the occasional peck at nighttime. And this is a problem that needs solving.
Probably reading his thoughts, Sirius’ eyes open slightly, close, and open again a few times to adjust to the light.
“Tell me you’re not looking at me sleeping.” Sirius mutters, rolling over to face the pillow and closes his eyes again.
“I’m not.” Remus smiles and nudges him until he rolls on his back.
“Creep.” He throws an arm over his forehead and looks at Remus, “Sleep well?” he asks with a morning voice that makes Remus want to do sinful things.
He hums, “And you?” he asks, running a hand over Sirius’ bare chest, over the few tattoos adorning it at only 18. He lets his fingers linger there, tracing over his collarbones, ribs and abs that contract under his touch, over the small constellation that Sirius drew himself over his hip, and the two words under his left pectoral, one done by James with Sirius’ tattoo gun, ‘The Marauders’.
Sirius nods, looking at Remus in a hazy way. He raises a hand to touch Remus’ brown curls, cups a hand around his jaw and leans up to kiss him. Remus’ breath catches and he meets him in the middle, kissing him sweetly.
After a minute, when they pull back, Sirius smiles at him, “Good morning.” He says, and Remus takes the opportunity to work on his neck that looks way too bland and is definitely missing a couple of blemishes. He kisses at his skin, sucking and licking over the places that make Sirius sound more, and soon enough, he’s moving downwards, kissing over his collarbones, his nipples, sucking where his fingers were tracing shapes earlier. When he reaches Sirius’ waist, he looks back up to find him looking intensely at Remus, with his eyes wide and red mouth slightly ajar.
“Can I suck you off?” he blatantly asks, planting his fingers at the hem of his shorts. Sirius nods, again and again, still staring at Remus with such concentration he seems mesmerized. Remus only smiles and gets to work, back to kissing every inch of his skin (something he adds to his to do list), and lowers his short and boxers.
Once Sirius has come, he kisses the hell out of him hungrily, still looking at him with an awed expression, and he asks if he wants him to reciprocate the favour. In the end, Remus settles for a quick hand job because he wants to keep kissing Sirius for as long as he can, and that’s not possible if his mouth is busy elsewhere. Of course, he doesn’t say so, but simply blames it on lack of time.
Afterwards, they share a cigarette in bed – Remus and Sirius aren’t about to let the opportunity of being in a country where it’s legal to smoke inside a hotel room pass – talking about nothing and everything, about their friends and the trip, smiling and laughing and arguing, until their alarm rings and they go get ready for the bus. Remus feels slightly better about taking the bus than he does when he’s getting ready for a flight, because his environmental footprint is beyond terrible right now and he's feeling guilty. They’re downstairs at eight thirty, and embarking for a two hour journey. He sits next to Sirius, who settles closer than needed and wraps Remus’ arms about himself. Remus lets himself be handled, positioning his arms and hands wherever Sirius wants them, and ends up with his back against the window and Sirius sleeping over his chest. He caresses his cheek mindlessly while looking at the defiling landscapes all the way until they reach Alexandria.
The city is beautiful, as most of the cities they’ve visited so far are, and he spends most with Sirius glued to his side, talking animatedly about what they’ve seen and eaten and what they’re about to see in the following weeks. He takes pictures of the many monuments with his camera, never minding Sirius who keeps getting in the pictures, smiling like a goon and happy to annoy Remus, and by the end of the day, his SD card is full, he’s drenched in sweat with the impossible weather and he’s so happy he might cry.
They take the bus back to their hotel, now accompanied by James and Sirius’ incessant singing that is soon picked up by most of the other students. Remus laughs and films them, and once they get back at the hotel, they all amble on to a magnificent sitting room. It’s all red and brown and gorgeous, with big sofas and cushions on the floor, the tall windows towering over the room. The golden sun is setting over the city, making orange and pinkish lights glow against the tall buildings. Their ten people group sit on the cushions and look at the pictures they took of the day all while listening to Pandora tell them a dream she had a couple of days ago.
“So, the woman ventured in the woods as dusk fell over the town. It was dark and scary, but the woman was fearless, so she went in, following the deer that had led her there. Suddenly, a glowing light went from the trees; it was a in the shape of a cat, and it ran too, so the woman followed. And then, she realised that the ghostly cat had led her a little further into the forest, to the deer, who was now lying on its side, a red bite mark over its ribs.”
“Oh no!” Lily cries. Sirius smiles, but still settles closer to Remus, who swings an arm around him.
“I was so sad when I saw it.” Pandora nods, “Anyway, the woman bend down over the deer and cried, again and again, until the bite mark started to mend itself. She drew herself back up, surprised, and then she realised that her tears had caused it to heal.”
“Ooh, like Rapunzel!” Peter exclaims, making them chuckle. Remus catches James’ eye, which is hoovering where Remus’ hand is set on Sirius’ shoulder.
“Exactly.” Pandora smiles, “So the woman cried again until the deer was alright, and when it opened its eye, it became silvery and full of light, not unlike the cat that had led her to it. The deer stood up and found the cat, with who he know shared his ghost like appearance, and left with the cat happily. He didn’t look back at the woman who had saved it.”
“So what’s the meaning?” Dorcas asks, “Panda’s dreams always have meanings.” She clarifies.
“That sometimes things are just meant to be. Even if the deer died, it was to become a ghost and be happy with the ghost cat. If the woman hadn’t been there, if it hadn’t been led inside the forest, the deer would have just died, he wouldn’t have turned into a ghost. You can’t be a ghost if your body isn’t healthy.” She explains, “That woman allowed the deer and cat a happy ending.”
“But how is it a happy ending if they’re both dead?” Sirius asks.
“They’ll be together in eternity.” Dorcas explains, “The cat was already dead, waiting for his love to come back to him, and the deer was stuck in life, waiting for death to find back his love. They’re reunited.”
“It’s so tragic.” Marlene says, “Imagine dying and having to wait for your love to come back to you.”
“Living while the other is dead is worse.” Remus debates. “If you’re dead, you know sooner or later they’ll join you. In life, there’s no way to know if you’ll ever see them again.”
Next to him, Mary nods and mutters, “That’s fair.”
James looks over at everyone and blurts out, “Are we just going to ignore the deer and cat relationship? Isn’t that some sort of weird incest of something?”
At his intervention, everyone rolls their eyes, “Come on!” Dorcas throws her hands.
“It’s metaphorical!” Lily exclaims.
“Ugh! Men!” Mary follows, making them laugh. Then, Sirius who is sitting so close to him he’s basically in his lap, whispers in his ear.
“If you die, I’ll kill myself.”
Remus chuckles, “You’re ridiculous.” He whispers back.
Sirius shakes his head and looks at Remus, “I’m not kidding. We can be two ghosts; it’d be much more fun.”
“D’you think ghosts can give head?” Remus asks, making Sirius giggle.
“Actually, I think we’d become animals. Sounds like some weird metaphor the universe would totally make happen.”
Remus nods and answers with his voice low, “True. You would be a dog. Or, like a sheep. A black one.”
Sirius chuckles, “I am the Black family’s black sheep, after all.” He smiles, “I don’t know what you’d be.”
“Probably something lame, like a llama.” He shrugs, and Sirius bursts out laughing, and claps his hands together.
“Yes! Yes exactly!” he laughs, “A tall, cute thing that’s always pissed and spits in people’s faces. It’s just you.”
“Shut up! I just said they were lame!” Remus gapes at Sirius, who ignores him and keeps laughing.
“Oh my god, I really have the vision. You’re just like a llama; I can totally imagine a llama that dresses like you.”
Remus shakes his head and looks back at the rest of his friends, who are all talking in small groups. He catches James’ eye on them again but ignores it; he’s probably just lost in thought. He looks back at Sirius, who is smiling up at him.
“So a llama and a sheep?” Remus finally asks, smiling.
“No. I’d be a dog. I mean, I’m Padfoot, aren’t I?” Sirius bargains, “A llama and a dog. It really does represent us.”
Half an hour later, they all decide to walk back up to their room; the next day, they’ll visit Suez and probably listen to Moody go on and on about the Canal and the history, and they’ll need to be awake enough not to die out of boredom, so it’s ten when they walk back up the stairs to their corridor. At the top of the stairs, James taps on Remus’ shoulder.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” he asks, then notices Sirius who stays there with them, “Privately.”
“Uh, sure.” Remus frowns at him, “You go in the room, I’ll be right there.” He tells Sirius, who walks over to their room slowly, as if in doubt. Well, not as if, Remus is certain Sirius is doubting why James needs a word alone with Remus. And honestly, Remus is too.
“What’s going on?” he asks.
“Are you alright?” James asks right away with a concerned face.
Remus frowns, “Yes? Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well, I’m sure you noticed a change with Sirius, right?” he starts apprehensively. Remus immediately panics; he and Sirius haven’t talked about what they could tell to who about their thing yet, so he doesn’t know if he can tell James anything. In doubt, he decides that he can’t: James is basically Sirius’ brother; it’s likely that Sirius would want to tell him himself anyway.
“What change?” he asks instead, feigning confusion.
James gestures around like a maniac, “The flirting! The cuddling! God, please don’t tell me you’re as oblivious as he is.” He pleads.
“I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about.” He lies and shrugs, “He’s always been like that; he just doesn’t have any sense of boundary.”
“And you’re okay with that?” James asks with a frown, “I mean, if he’s hurting you by being too close, you have to tell him. Or I will, if you want me to.” He adds.
Remus smiles a bit at his friend. James Potter, ever the good friend, “He’s not. You just said it, I like him. Obviously, I don’t mind when he’s cuddly.”
“It must be hard though, not being able to do anything about it.” He mumbles, “I’d go crazy if Lily was cuddling with me and I couldn’t kiss her, you know.” He thinks for a moment, then shrugs, “Well, if you’re okay then I guess I am too.”
“Aww, Prongs!” Remus coos, “You’re looking out for me!” he grins.
“Shut it.” James rolls his eyes, “Even if Pads is my brother doesn’t mean I’ll let him hurt you. You’re my brother too, Remus. Just on a less literal way than Sirius.”
Remus feels very sheepish, “Thanks, James. But I’m okay, I swear.”
“Alright,” James nods, “Goodnight. Love you, man.” He throws behind his shoulder and walks back to his room. Remus tells him that he loves him too and walks back into his and Sirius’ room feeling weirdly cared for. He usually doesn’t like feeling this way, but tonight, it feels wonderful. No one can hurt him as long as he has his friends by his side.
“What did he want?” Sirius asks as soon as Remus steps past the threshold.
“It was really sweet, actually.” He smiles and walks over to sit on the bed next to Sirius, “He asked me if I was okay, you know, with you flirting with me and all. I saw him looking at us earlier when we we’re quite close.” He clarifies.
“Why wouldn’t you be okay? I don’t understand.” Sirius frowns.
“He knows I like you. He’s known for a while, apparently.” He conveniently forgets to mention for how long; it would be mortifying for Sirius to find out how long Remus has been thirsting over him. “He said it couldn’t be easy to be this close to the guy you like and not being able to kiss him.”
“Classic James.” Sirius shakes his head fondly, “What did you tell him?”
“Well,” Remus takes a deep breath, “I didn’t know if we were telling people about, you know.” He gestures between the two of them, “So I said I was okay.” He shrugs, “He said he’d talk to you if you were hurting me.” He grins.
“Aw, he loves you!” Sirius smiles and pokes Remus’ cheek, “That was sweet of him. Very James thing to do, though.”
Remus chuckles and nods, then addresses the thing that’s been on his mind for a bit, “Are we telling people though? Just tell me to fuck off if you don’t want to, but I just want us to be on the same page.”
“Er.” Sirius freezes for a bit and looks at Remus warily. He fidgets and picks at his nails for a bit, his body language screaming that he’s uncomfortable, until he sighs, “I don’t know.”
“It’s okay.” Remus says immediately, “Was just asking.” He smiles in what he hopes to be comforting, but Sirius sighs loudly and groans.
“It’s so fucked up! I already came out; I don’t know why I’m still terrified to show myself with a guy!” he throws his hands in a desperate motion and stands up from the bed. “I know it, is the worst, I know I’ll be fine because realistically there’s no reason for it not to be fine, but still.” He groans, “I hate this!”
Remus stands up in front of him and takes a hold of his shoulders, “Hey, I told you, it’s okay. Brains work in mysterious ways. Not everything makes sense, it’s okay.” He looks into Sirius’ eyes, hoping that it’ll ground him, in a way.
It doesn’t. “It’s not okay!” he cries out, “Because now you’ve had to lie to James and it’s like I’m pushing you back into the closet!” he throws his arms again.
“I don’t mind, Sirius.” Remus takes Sirius’ hand subconsciously, “I’ll go back into the closet if it means being with you. Really, it’s fine. You’re the exhibitionist here.” He tries, but Sirius doesn’t laugh.
“It’s still not fair.” Sirius looks at Remus and takes his other hand to ground himself, “My stupid insecurities shouldn’t be holding you back.” He sighs and takes a step towards Remus, all the fight in him leaving, “I hate this.”
Remus untangles his hands from Sirius’ to wrap his arms around his waist and pull him close, “It’s not your fault. And honestly Pads, we’ve been doing this for like two days.” He starts, but Sirius cuts him off.
“Four.” He mumbles.
“…Four, right. I don’t think we have to tell anyone right away. Let’s have this for ourselves first, okay? We’ll worry about other people later.” He smiles, thumbing at Sirius’ hip.
He feels Sirius’ shy smile against his chest, “Okay. But Moony… I don’t know when I’ll be okay with people knowing. It could take weeks.”
“Then I’ll wait weeks. We have all the time in the world.”