Leave
Chapter one:
Sirius opened his grey eyes and looked up at the ceiling, a soft gasp left his lips.
The dorm was empty.
It has been 6 days since the other boys stopped talking to him.
He felt a pinch in his chest.
He got up, took a shower and headed to class. Usually, this early he would’ve enter the dining hall with his best friends. But nowadays, he didn’t feel like eating, heck he didn’t feel like breathing either. His whole body felt numb.
He was walking slowly around the castle when Professor McGonagall stopped him.
‘Good morning Sirius’
He didn’t reply.
‘I have something to tell you, can you follow me to my office please?’
Still no reply, but he did followed her. His feet were dragging on the ground, slightly catching every crevasses carved in the stone. Minerva looked at him with sadness in her tired eyes, it was clear that Sirius wasn’t well, physically and mentally.
‘Have you eaten today?’
Not a sound escape the younger boy’s mouth.
‘You know that breakfast is a very important meal-’
‘not hungry’ whispered Sirius so quietly that she almost didn’t catch it.
She didn’t want to push him further, especially since she knew that what she was going to announce him will break his heart.
The two of them arrived in front of her office. She murmured her password and the dark wooden door moved. She sat on her comfortable green chair while telling him to sit on the chair in front of her desk.
Minerva looked at him from head to toe. His lips were bruised, his eyes were hidden behind his unkempt hair, there were shadows digging his face, his cheeks were allow and his skin paler than usual. It was clear that he wasn’t eating properly. He looked sad, lonely. She felt bad for him. All she wanted to do was take him in her arms and tell him that everything will be okay.
Even if it was a lie.
She cleared her throat.
‘What I am about to tell you is probably going to upset you, so please don’t take it personally’
He looked at the ground, grimace painted on his shallow face. Minerva knew that he was a smart boy, it was obvious that he already guessed what she was about to tell him.
‘There were… let’s say...a complaint…. About you’
He clenched his jaw.
‘Mr Potter, Pettigrew and Lupin said that you weren’t... cordial anymore. They asked me to move you out of their dorm. You will be transferred to Mr Longbottom’s dorm. If that is alright with you?’
‘Do I really have a choice’ he muttered under his breath, through his clenched teeth. His eyes were glistening, he was holding back tears
‘Actually you do’ that was a blatant lie and they both knew it.
He didn’t look at her, Minerva saw the pain and defeat passing in his big grey eyes. She frowned and couldn’t hide her disappointment towards the three Marauders that weren’t in her office.
Why would they make their friends this miserable.
Sirius finally raised his gaze and watched her face closely before looking away again.
‘It’s fine by me I guess, can I go now?’ he asked in a small gasp.
‘you will be transferred in about a week’
He nodded, got up and left her office.
He ran to the bathroom, tears prickled his eyes. He closed the stall door behind himself and fell to the ground. The cold tiles felt strange against his burning face.
Loud sobs escaped his throat, he couldn’t control himself as he felt the tears that he was holding back running down his cheeks. He lost his brother, he lost his friends.
He was alone.
Remus entered the bathroom and recognized immediately the cries that came from the third stall. He would’ve recognize those sobs anywhere because he usually heard them late at night, when Sirius thinks that all the others are asleep. A part of him wanted to burst that door open and take his friend in his arms and pet his hair ,like he usually do to calm Sirius. The other, bigger, part of him wanted to punch Sirius square in the face again. Remus wanted to yell at his friend for betraying him. He had every right to be angry, right?
He needed to cool off.
It still broke his heart to hear Sirius cry like that, he heard Sirius gasp for air and had to get out of the bathroom immediately. He couldn’t take it anymore.
That’s what he did.
He left quietly.
‘You alright mate?’ asked James, who was leaning against the wall next to the classroom door. ‘You look a little shaken’
‘Yeah yeah I am fine’ Remus shook himself and entered the classroom.
Peter was already there, chatting with a Hufflepuff girl.
Before the lesson started, Remus couldn’t stop himself from looking up and search for Sirius around the room. The latter wasn’t anywhere near.
When the class was over, Remus headed to the library while James and Petter went to quidditch practice. Well James practiced Quidditch while Peter watched from the bleacher. On any other days, they would be joined by a bouncy, way too excited and hyperactive Sirius.
Sirius…
He didn’t see Sirius in class at all today, just like yesterday and the day before, and the day before and the day before...
The sounds of Sirius’ gasp and sobs were still echoing in his head, making his heart squeeze.
He shook his head, trying desperately to stop thinking about Sirius
On his way to the library, he realized that he had forgotten his quill in his bedroom. He sighed and climbed the stairs that lead to their dorm.
He opened the door and stopped in his tracks.
Sirius was there, lying on his bed. His cheeks were red and his skin blotchy, there were streaks of tears on his small face, he looked feverish.
Remus didn’t say anything.
‘I’m moving out in about a week. Longbottom’s room’ a small breathy voice murmured. If Remus didn’t have werewolf ears he wouldn’t have caught that sentence.
In reality, it was Remus who asked Minerva to put him in another room.
The werewolf wanted to cool off and then forgive his friend. But he couldn’t do that with Sirius two feet away from him. He couldn’t look at Sirius’ puppy eyes at the moment without wanting to either take him in his arms or slap him.
It was the most rational decision. He wanted to hurt Sirius the way that Sirius hurt him. But he couldn’t, because Sirius was too precious to him.
‘I don’t care’ said Remus a little louder than he intended to. It was a lie.
He saw Sirius shrugged and immediately felt bad. But that didn’t stop him from spatting horrible words to his friend.
‘You betrayed me, I don’t care about you anymore’ It was also a lie, he could never stop caring about Sirius, he knew it. But saying those words and hearing Sirius’ breath hitch when they left his mouth felt good.
Remus ran out of the dorm, without his quill. He’ll have to borrow one from someone else.