the letter
Chapter 2:
Rain was hitting the common room’s widows, the air was cold. The fire was cackling in the chimney.
Sirius was the only one left in there. He didn’t want to go to his dorm knowing that he had to leave the room day. Going to Longbottom’s room will be rough. He used to relax and fall asleep to the sound of Remus’ breathing and James’ snores. Usually, insomnia was his only friend when he stayed at his parent’s house.
His thought were interrupted by a tapping sound echoing against the glass. He turned his head to the left and saw a huge black owl on the window sill. He got up, leaving his homework on display on the oak table, his legs were numb from his sitting position on the ground.
Sirius opened the window to let the owl in. He recognized this owl immediately, it was his parent’s.
A black envelope was attached to it’s legs. He opened it slowly, every time his parents send him a letter nothing good came out of it.
He took a deep breath and read was was written on it.
The letter fell out of his hand and hit the carpet without a sound. The hand that was previously holding the letter was slammed against his mouth so that he wouldn’t let the horrible sobs caught in his throat escape. He didn’t want to wake up the whole castle after all.
It wasn’t possible.
His parents couldn’t do that.
No they could do what what written on the pale beige paper.
Sirius grabbed the letter that was lying on the floor and read it again and again and again.
He couldn’t believe his eyes. He felt his chest starting to contract and tears soaking his cheeks.
He couldn’t breathe.
He was having a panic attack in the middle of the deserted common room.
Usually Remus, James and Peter would help him steady his breathing but since they weren’t friends he had to do it himself. If he didn’t calm himself really quickly he would have to go to Ms Pomfrey and that wouldn’t be pretty.
Remus’ voice resonated in his head: ‘take a deep breath, everything will be alright’
That is what he did. He inhale fresh air into his lungs, and exhale a few seconds later. He did this until he calmed his breathing.
He had to find a solution.
He climbed the stairs at the best of his possibility, since his legs were shaking and his vision was blurry with tears. He entered the room, Remus was the only person there.
‘I know- I know you don’t-don’t love me anymore but-but’ his breathing was uncontrollable. He felt snot running down his nose. He felt pathetic. Remus didn’t even look up from his books.
‘Moon-Moony please I need-’
The werewolf closed his book brutally. The loud sound echoed in the empty room. He looked at Sirius with rage in his golden eyes. But as soon as he saw his friend with tracks of tears running down his cheeks, wide eyes filled with pain and his soft red lips quivering, he softened a little bit. Remus was still mad at him and he intended to make him understand that. He still needed a little bit of time before forgiving Sirius completely.
‘I don’t care what you need Sirius’
‘But my parents- they-they’ Sirius held the letter on top of his head, Remus didn’t look at it.
Remus felt bad, he knew that Sirius’ parents were horrible to him. He promised himself, when they were in first year, to always help Sirius when it came to his parents, but right now he had to make sure that Sirius understood that he was still very angry.
‘I don’t care what your parents did this time. For fuck’s sake find a solution by yourself this time’
The agonizing sobs that left Sirius’ mouth destroyed Remus’ heart. The latter had to clench his jaw to prevent tears from falling on his own cheeks. He looked back at his book because he wasn’t strong enough. He knew that if he looked at Sirius for another second he would take him in his arms and stroke his hair like he used to do when he wasn’t mad at his friend.
The door got slammed with such force that the wall attached to it shook a little. Remus threw his book across the room and cried in the pillow that he stole from Sirius in first year, the pillow that smelt like Sirius’ shampoo.
Sirius ran through the castle. He had to find James. Since he wasn’t in the dorm this late at night it meant that he was on the quidditch field, probably with Peter who followed James like his shadow.
He was right. James was flying at about 5 feet from the ground, Peter was in the bleachers, in his pajamas, eating some sort of candy. James flew back to the ground as soon as he saw Sirius enter the field.
Sirius almost collided with Peter when he approached them, he was still holding the letter in his left hand. Peter took a few steps back but did smile at him, his friendly smile disappeared when he saw Sirius’ blotchy face.
‘Guys’ his voice was trembling ‘I’m so glad that I found you’ they didn’t interrupt him, he took it as a good sign and kept talking as fast as he could. ‘I really need your help, you see my paren-’
‘We can’t help you’ said strictly James. It pained him to not help his friend but Peter and him made a pack with Remus to not help or be friendly with Sirius until Remus wasn’t mad anymore. James swallowed thickly before opening his mouth again. ‘We can’t and we won’t help you. We are not friends anymore, we are not family, we don’t care about you’
It was the biggest lie James had had to tell in his entire life. He considered Sirius like his brother but the latter made a horrible choice by telling Snivellus Remus’ secret and he had to understand that James was against that. So if it meant that he had to pretend that he didn’t care about his best friend then so be it.
Sirius stood there, on the wet grass, dumbfounded, too stunned to speak. He then turned to Peter with hope in his eyes. Peter couldn’t look him in the eyes, he didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to break his promise.
They saw Sirius turn away. The black heir left, dragging his feet on the grass, shoulder down and a pout on his plump lips.
Sirius was completely wet when he entered the castle, a little pool of water gathered at his feet. He didn’t know what to do anymore.
He found himself in a little alcove next to an abandoned classroom. He sat there for a moment, he lost the track of time.
‘Mais qu’est ce que je vais faire maintenant?’
(what am I going to do now?)
He sighed and buried his face in his hands.
He used to speak french anytime he was desperate or when he needed to really focus, since french was his first language.
‘What are you talking about?’ he heard a squeaky voice behind him.
Sirius raised his head from his hands.
The owner of the squeaky voice was non other than his worst enemy himself, Snape.
‘Fuck off’ Sirius responded with a small voice.
‘I want to apologize’ said Snape, while sitting down next to Sirius on the cold stone.
‘I want to apologize for what I did to you… you know… the other day’ continued Snape because Sirius stayed silent.
Black snorted.
‘Why do you apologize out of the blue like that, don’t you have better things to do?’
‘I don’t know, I just wanted to apologize because I felt bad’ It almost pained Snape to say that, Sirius felt a sick at that thought, he smirked and forgot for two seconds that his life was falling apart.
Black put his hand in his pocked and felt the cold and damp letter.
Sirius took a deep breath, maybe he could show him the letter, maybe he could help.
No, that was a ridiculous thought.
But after all, Snivellus seemed to be the only person at Hogwarts willing to talk to him.
Sirius cursed himself while taking the letter out of his pocket.
He shook his head. His hair stuck to his face, heavy with the residual water. He literally threw the letter at Snape’s knees. The latter looked at Sirius, perplexed. He took the letter, put it next to his face, it was quite hard to read it since it was all soggy and friable.
A long silence was pending the air while Snape read the letter.
‘You should leave’
‘Hum…’ Sirius didn’t hear what the slytherin said, he was too lost into his own mind to be aware of the greasy haired boy next to him
‘I said, you should leave’ murmured Snape a little louder. ‘You shouldn’t let them take you, you are great at flying right?’
‘You could say that yeah…’
‘Are you becoming shy? I thought you were the great Sirius Black ’
‘You are right I am great at flying’ he said with his signature smirk ‘ the only problem I that I don’t have a broom, I gave mine to Peter when his broke’
‘I’ll give you mine, we’ll be even, since you know…’
‘Yeah… we’ll be even’ Sirius cleared his throat ‘that’s actually really nice Snivel-I mean Severus’
‘Don’t mention it to anybody, I am not doing this for you’ and there goes the bastard that Sirius knew too well.
Sirius rolled his eyes and got up. Snape did the same.
‘Accio broom’ there was the sound of the broom splitting the air. Then Sirius caught the dark wooden broom in mid air, nodded at Snape and went back to the now empty dorm. He heard the sound of someone taking a shower and he assumed that Remus was in there.
He took his suitcase and put clothes, as well as a little bit of food in it. When he was satisfied with the amount of clothing that he packed, he turned around, sighed and said his last goodbyes to the dorm.
He felt a burning pain in his chest.
He left Hogwarts on Snape’s broom without looking back. He knew exactly where he was going to go.
He felt the cold air hitting his rosy cheeks, the wind was blowing in his hair, he felt free. Maybe everything will be ok.
Snape went back to his room.
And there, forgotten on the alcove’s floor, the letter read:
Cher Sirius Orion Black,
(Dear Sirius Orion Black)
Dans deux jours, tu seras envoyé chez Voldemort où tu recevras un entraînement intensif afin de devenir son protégé.
(In two days, you will be sent to Voldemort’s house where you will receive an intense training that will allow you to become his protégé)
Tu deviendras un mange- mort, comme nous.
(You will become a death-eater, just like us)
Tu nous rendras enfin fier. Fais tes valises à l’instant même où tu recevras cette lettre.
(You will make us proud. Pack your bags as soon as you receive this letter)
Ne nous déçois pas cette fois ci,
(Don’t disappoint us this time)
Walburga Black.