JAMES
On Friday James walked skippily into the cafe. It had been a good day. It had been a very good day. Ever since Monday things had been… Odd. Not odd in a particularly bad way, but things had been strange.
Mary was still gone, Lily had sunken into a depressive state, Remus had been playing that annoying ‘i'm so totally ok’ act (which anyone could see was absolute bullshit), and Sirius was well… Sirius.
However, seeing as none of them seemed to be on speaking terms (so therefore he actually had no friends to hang out with) so he sought out his two lovely ladies: Marlene and Dorcas.
James loved the two of them. He loved being around them, he didn't know why he didn't do it more often. They sat in one corner of the dining hall (with Lily staring numbly at a book) and slagged off people, he forgot how fun it was to gossip with them, even if he felt mean.
“My god did you see Rebecca's tan?” Dorcas snickered.
“She called me a dirty lesbo last week, karmas a bitch”
“She called you what ?” James asked, shocked.
“Yeah, she called Marls a lesbo, which is true”
“True”
“It looks like she smeared orange paint around he face, it's not even blended ”
“Its fucking atrocious”
“Its blinding”
“I'm going blind babe”
“Hold in there, you haven't even see Mulcibers new haircut”
“Oh god i saw that today in the hallway, i nearly fell down the stairs I was so shocked”
“It’s disgusting”
“He needs to buy a goddamn mirror”
“He's taken the word roadman to another level, he's the most ugly person I've ever laid eyes on, and that's saying something.”
“Oh my god Marlene there he is, there he is ”
“Jesus James you were right.. Oh god i'm going to throw up someone save my lunch”
Regulus was at the counter, and the cafe was deserted. He looked up as James came in, and smiled slightly.
“Hello”
“Hi”
James walked into the back room and flung his stuff onto the counter, pulling on an apron and going to make himself a coffee.
“Oh wait” Regulus stopped him, and pushed James’ favourite mug to him. “I made you a coffee, because um you know-” he suddenly looked uncomfortable, staring at the wall behind James’ head. “You made me one last Saturday.”
James laughed awkwardly, “Well you just drink black coffees like an absolute psycho, it's not that hard, that my friend is a mocha ”
“Yeah…”
“What i mean is, how the hell did you make that ”
“James, I work here 9-5 everyday except Sundays, the holy day of rest, thank Jesus for putting that in the bible, and thank my Mother for believing it. I think i know how to make a fucking mocha. Listen if you don't want it give it ba-”
“No!” James exclaimed, pulling the mug towards himself brashly, spilling a bit on the counter surface. They both stared at it for a second before James smiled warmly at Regulus, “Thank You. Really.”
Regulus shrugged, “Yeah well it's fine… “
The mug was warm around James’ fingers and he felt something fuzzy in his stomach, he didn’t quite know what it was, that feeling. It was strange, like something was happening, something important that he didn't understand yet. He ignored it willfully and took a sip of the drink- shockingly good- and warmed his chilled fingers with the hot mug whilst winter frosted over outside. Took another sip, and enjoyed feeling Regulus’ quiet company around him. What had it been like before Regulus arrived here? He could barely remember. Lonely, for the most part.
It was two hours until closing time and people were still to show up, this wasn't abnormal, the cafe was quite tucked away, and if Esmie wasn't as loaded as she was then the cafe would have probably already gone under.
He normally spent this time drinking lots and lots of tea and doing homework, but for some reason he couldn’t whilst Regulus was here, and besides, he had done all his homework the night before.
The cafe warmed him, and for some reason he found his eyes drifting over to Regulus without him meaning to. Like they always found a way back to him. As if his brain had fixated on the boy and would not ever let James forget he existed.
Regulus was still leaning on the counter, a flimsy book in his hands. His dark hair fell over his eyes slightly and his posture was tall and lanky. James was finding it difficult to concentrate on his book, stupid ADHD he thought, That's probably why i can't concentrate… my ADHD .
He didn’t even really like Regulus as a person, he reminded himself, he was a stuck up, annoying, bitchy little boy. He was probably reading some bullshit in French about existentialism.
Regulus looked up suddenly, and their eyes awkwardly met across the room. Before he knew what he was doing James blurted out “When's your birthday?” he didn’t know why, well to be fair, James didn't know why he said a lot of things.
Regulus looked taken aback slightly, but said cautiously “September 10th… Why?”
“God, you really aren't much younger than Sirius..”
“9 months”
“Oh god” James said, realising “Was your Mum ever not pregnant??”
Regulus smiled politely and shrugged, “for about a week”
“My Mum said it took her a year to fully recover from me, though i think she might have been being dramatic, she does that a lot”
“Yes well, my Mother is a different breed of woman. Le problème est qu' elle est folle . Truthfully”
“I'm going to pretend i understand you”
Regulus cocked his head, “You don't do French in school? Sirius does.”
“No, I did a Spanish GCSE but I'm doing A Levels now. French schools are different.
“No, yeah I guess you’re right…” Regulus’ gaze drifted back to his book, James knew this meant this conversation is now finished and he could feel his eyes rolling- Why did Regulus get to determine when the end of a conversation was?
James didn’t know where all this sudden annoyance had come from, it was so unlike him, yet it was determination and spite- He shook his head and took a deep breath. “So… what’re you reading?” he said, cocking an eyebrow in a way he had practised in the mirror too many times, sexy and flirty with just a hint of patronisation- And he looked brilliant doing it too.
Regulus flipped the book up so he could see the cover, but he was sitting slightly too far away from James to see it. “Never let me go by Kazuo Ishiguro, i tend to read french literature, stuff about existentialism-” (James could have laughed) “-but i made an exception for this.”
James nodded as if he was a great intellectual and understood him deeply. In fact James was intellectual, he was one of the brightest in the year, the problem was he couldn’t read, everytime he sat down to read he would do something else, anything else. He’d been reading the same fucking book since last May. Something he was not exactly proud to admit.
“Is it any good?”
“It’s pretty good, yeah… What about you, what are you reading at the moment?”
James looked dumbly down at his textbook “Um… Polynomial expressions and equations? It's pretty dull but i quite like maths which is why i picked it for A-levels-”
“Oh uh..” Regulus said awkwardly, “I meant like, in general, what book.”
“ Oh ” James said, feeling embarrassed, “Um, it's in my bag, wait let me show you…”
“No its ok- oh ok”
James had already jumped up and marched into the backroom, grabbing his school back and rummaging through it, but as he pulled out The Hobbit the Cure CD cluttered onto the floor.
He had forgotten that it was in there. Oops.
The same one he had bought for Regulus so long ago and now it was there on the floor. Just his luck.
“ Shit ” hissed James, dropping to get it, but Regulus was quicker, and picked it up.
“The cure… They’re good, You’re a fan?”
“Um…” James shuffled “actually… It’s for you um… Uh i bought it a couple weeks ago, um i guess i forgot about it, i just felt bad about the whole” he gestured around awkwardly, this was going very badly… “The whole thing you know…”
Regulus had stilled through all this, his face had gone cold, stony. “Oh. I don't have a CD player.”
“ Oh , thats fine ill just- um, give it someone else”
“ No , um no. My friend Evan has one, I'll give it to him.” Regulus clutched the CD. James looked curiously at him, he was strange. One minute making out as if that little CD repulsed him, but the next minute clutching at it as if it was ambrosia.
“If you’re sure it's not too much trouble…”
“It's fine.”
The air had become tense, the previous easy atmosphere vanished without a trace. James checked the time, then looked back up at Regulus, “Um… I think we could probably close up now if you wanted, Esmie isn’t here and i dont think anyone else is going to come in-”
“Ok” Regulus cut in, still dead faced, still… Quiet. Regulus was a quiet being by nature, that James knew, but this was a different kind of quiet, a deadly kind, like Regulus was repulsed by James, like he wanted to get very very far away from him.
James tidied things away whilst Regulus turned off all the machines. James watched Regulus keep a hand on the coffee machines as they vibrated and churned, and he wondered why.
Together they stepped out and James locked up, sliding the key into his bag as he usually did. Regulus put his hands in his coat pockets.
He gave Regulus a long hard stare before shrugging to himself, “ok then, see you tomorrow-”
“When's your birthday?”
James’ eyebrows rose, confusion plastering over his body, “April 3rd?”
Regulus gave a sharp nod, “Its because um, because earlier you asked me and-”
“-It's fine… Regulus, I know. I'm happy to tell you my birthday. I just… I want to be friends, well i'm stuck with you for two months-”
“-1 months and 1 week-”
“-ok yeah 1 month and 1 week- Wait are you keeping count? ” he laughed, and Regulus’ mouth turned up slightly at the edges.
“Maybe”
“Ok well-” James laughed again and then composed himself, “ well i just want to be friends.”
“What about Sirius?”
“What about Sirius?”
“I mean, will he be ok with us being friends? I mean… how did he react when you told him we were working together?”
James shuffled awkwardly, “i actually- I actually haven’t told him…”
“Neither have i”
They both stood in silence, a cold wind made James shiver and pull his arms tighter around himself, “I dont actually think it's urgent that he knows”
“That's true, he’ll find out anyway though, and he’ll be mad.”
James sighed, this was true, “He’s always mad at the moment, wouldn’t make much of a difference if i'm honest with you…”
Regulus sighed deeply, “alright then, so we don’t tell Sirius.”
“I guess not then.”
“Hm.”
“Regulu-”
“Ok bye then James” Regulus turned on his heels and walked off briskly leaving James behind to wonder what in the world was going through that boy's head.
James’ life had begun to revolve solely on work- Whether Regulus would smile at him when he walked in or would barely acknowledge his existence; Would he make him a coffee or sit moodily in the corner. Smile at guests or scare them away? The more James thought about Regulus the more frustrated he got- Because he couldn’t figure out why it mattered to him so much about what Regulus was doing. He was just an angsty little boy stropping because he had been a nitty and punched someone in the face. A stupid child- That was all Regulus was. Except he wasn’t- James had never met someone so intelligent, who helped him with his maths homework as if it were the easiest in the world- Who could win any argument. That was the worst part- James couldn’t help but get more and more frustrated and angry as he found himself admiring Regulus more and more. That stupid git. That idiot annoying little prick had fucked with James’ mind, and he had no idea what to do about it.
James loved the cafe on Saturday afternoons. Soft music playing, a cafe full of rich artsy types dishing out tips like there was no tomorrow. The cold December sun filtering through the big glass front and warming the cafe up. He liked flirting with the girls who came in for their elaborate coffees and seeing them melt under his warm eyes and flirty grin- It was too easy. Regulus on the other hand was moping around clearing tables and emanating a certain angry glow off him, with all the customers shifting away from him warily. One of the girls James was making a coffee for leaned on the counter, hair falling cutely around her face. She reminded him a bit of Regulus- Dark hair falling around a sharp jawline- Piercing grey eyes. He felt a flutter in his stomach. She cocked her head in Regulus’ direction, “What’s with him?” She asked, and he shrugged, smiling grimly.
“He doesn’t like people very much” He replied with a sigh, Regulus was bringing down everyone’s mood- But weirdly the girl was smiling.
“He’s kind of cute...” She mused, and he rolled his eyes,
"no" he replied statically, "no he is not." pouring her coffee into a cup.
She smiled at him, amused “Jealous?”
James snickered, "Of him? Not at all. Unless he's your type, then very much so"
As he searched for a lid to her coffee cup as she laughed, “No, I prefer guys with glasses”
He slid the cup over to her, “Well that’s funny, I must be your type then.”
“Astute observation” she noted, and picked up her cup, “What's your name?”
“James.” He said smiling, and she nodded.
“Bye James” and she said, before walking out to meet with her friends. As they walked away she gave him one last glance through the window, and then she was gone.
He could feel someone watching him, and turned suddenly to see Regulus staring at him with a strange look in his eye. Regulus must have realised with a start that James was staring right back at him because he turned away suddenly, cheeks red, and James couldn’t work out what that feeling inside him was.
At 10 past 4 the cafe was beginning to empty out. James sitting at the counter lazily on his phone- And Regulus disappearing every half hour and coming back smelling like fags. It was dark outside now, and he could feel himself falling asleep in the heated little cafe, when he was suddenly slapped back to reality when three teenagers ran in, looking flustered and panicked. The tallest boy had dark hair and a rugged look to him, speaking hastily to a shorter boy in french. The shorter boy had dirty blonde hair and a malnourished, handsome face. Finally the girl standing between them, curly blonde hair, heterochromia, freckles-
“ Pandora???” James asked in bewilderment. Peter’s step sister turned to him in a confused way then grinned, “James!” she exclaimed, rushing over, “Where’s Regulus?”
“Regulus???” He asked, confused. And she glanced back at her two friends who both shrugged, and turned back to James. “You know ” She said, slightly panicked, “ Regulus . Moody, angsty-”
“Yes I know who Regulus is but how do you know him?”
She gave him a confused blink, and one of his friends muttered something in French, making the other one laugh “We’re his best friends at school?”
James’ eyebrows launched upwards, “ what ?!” He cried, “How did I not know that??”
She shook her head, “I agree, weird, but where is he- Oh here he is- REGULUS!”
Regulus had emerged from the emergency exit, tucking a pack of cigarettes into his jacket pocket before stopping, looking horrified.
“Pandora? Evan? Barty ? Que faites-vous ici?!” He demanded, and the blonde boy grinned, laughing heartily and walking over to Regulus, embracing him, “Espèce d'enfoiré!” He cried, and James smiled, what a sweet show of affection. “Fils de pute, tu crois que tu peux ignorer mes appels comme ça? Me and you have unfinished business, mate.”
Regulus shifted uncomfortably, glancing around at the few customers left, watching the scene, he hurried them over to a table in the far corner, where James couldn’t hear.
He bought them over coffee, trying to eavesdrop but they spoke consistently in fast, sharp french.
Pandora smiled at him when she noticed him hanging around and beckoned him over.
She gave the two boys a look that suggested ‘ be nice’ before grinning. “James” she introduced, “This is Barty-” She pointed at the tall, dark haired one, “And this is Evan.” She motioned at the blonde. Neither of them spoke, and Pandora said something in french between gritted teeth, they both looked at him. “Hi” Said Barty, “Thanks for the um- Eh- Comment dit-on café en anglais?”
“Coffee,” Muttered Evan, looking boredly around the cafe. Barty clicked his finger at Evan.
“Yeah, thanks for the coffee. You make it better than Regulus.”
They all laughed, and James felt as though he was missing some sort of inside joke. Evan nodded awkwardly, “So James” He said, smiling as though James were an amusing animal, something to be amused with for a little bit but then instantly dropped and forgotten, “You are friends with Regulus and Pandora's brothers, yes?”
“Uh yeah.” James responded, shifting awkwardly, “Sirius and Peter, my best mates.”
“Aw” Pandora said, “Peter talks about you all a lot, told me all about the Remus and Sirius situation- OW! Regulus! Why did you kick m- Oh .” Pandora suddenly went flush and bug-eyed, Regulus staring with a touch of panic at James.
“Wait, you know what happened? Tell me.” James said desperately. Pandora knew? Regulus knew?? Yet James didn’t???
Pandora shook her head, “Sorry James.” She said, “not for me to tell really”
“Definitely not” Regulus said stiffly, and James felt his jaw clench.
“So you know as well? You two know what's happening with my best friends and I can’t know?”
Pandora made an apologetic face but Regulus just chuckled, “He is my brother James-”
“Forget it.” James snapped, and took a deep breath- Fold up the anger, put it in a box. Fold up the anger, put it in a box. Fold up the anger, put it in a box. He smiled, “I’m going for some air.” He said.
He wandered out back, leaning against the back wall shivering. The sky was dark now and a cloudy mist blocked the moon, leaving it watered down and looking a bit sad. Closing his eyes, James tried to work out what that feeling was that had been building up inside him all day. It was uneasy- Slightly anxious, but warm. So warm and happy- It made him slightly nauseous. It made him feel angry, like he was about to burst, he wanted to shout at someone, scream at them. That was the scariest thing, because James was so good at repressing that angry feeling, folding it up into a little box and smiling- Just smile it all away. Yet Regulus made it all bubble up to the surface, made him feel every single emotion James had ever felt all collide into one and burst through James like a brass band.
The door opened and Regulus stepped outside, pulling out a cigarette. James gave him a shake of the head, “Those things will kill you, you know?”
Regulus gave a sarcastic nod, “That’s the point.” But he put it back in the packet, slipped it into his back pocket and came to stand next to James.
Eventually Regulus cleared his throat, “That girl buying that coffee earlier, she was cute, are you seeing her again?” he asked, picking at the lint of his jumper.
James shrugged, pretending to seem uninterested and bored, “No.”
Regulus slowly nodded, “Well, you seemed to be into her, and she liked you…”
“If you say so.”
“Ok then…” Regulus rolled his eyes, heading back towards the door when James blurted out,
“Why do you even care?”
Regulus stopped, didn’t turn back to James just sort of… stopped. After a while Regulus said, dangerously quietly, “I don't.”
“Funny, because you sound like you very much-”
“You know what i dont fucking get you James” Regulus spat, finally turning around, the same stormy look in eyes which James saw so often in Sirius’, yet this time James felt scared, scared and angry at Regulus all at once. “You're nice and then your dick, i cant keep up with you.” Regulus continued, “Because I'm sick of not knowing where i stand with you- I'm sick of it.”
James didn’t say anything, couldn't say anything. He felt stuck. Regulus was staring back at him, almost as if pleading with him to say something, but James felt himself shrug and say, “Don’t know what you mean.”
“James” Regulus’ voice was hoarse, “I didn’t even want to be friends with you. You’re the one who insisted.”
“Bullshit!” Retorted James. “I did not insist and I’m not fucking psycho like you’re making out. I am tired , I have had a long day of actually doing my job, unlike you, chain smoking and moping- You reek of fags.”
“Oh yeah” Regulus said sarcastically, “Because flirting with girls all day is your job-”
“You see- Rightthere, you pretend you don’t care-”
“I could not give less of a shit about your love life"
"well you seem a little too invested-"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You know exactly what i mean" bit back James, an angry sting in his voice he had never used before, and didn't like at all.
Regulus looked at him for a long time before nodding “Sure.” was all he said, bitterly. Then walked back into the cafe without another word, and James felt something very deep inside him crack, and he could feel the trickle of emotions he had spent the last 16 years keeping inside him slip between that crack