Chapter 9
wedged firmly between the bodies of lucius malfoy and severus snape, regulus pushed florets of gravy-soaked broccoli around his plate uninterestedly. his chin was resting in the palm of his hand and he looked up from his plate when he felt an elbow in his rib.
“why is mcgonagall looking at you?” lucius asked, a single eyebrow raised.
regulus shrugged, turning his face towards the teachers’ table at the far end of the hall. he held eye contact with her for only a second before stabbing the piece of broccoli before him with unnecessary aggression.
“don’t know.”
despite the food still on his plate, regulus pushed it away and stood up, extracting himself from the slytherin table delicately. he stumbled as a firm hand grabbed his wrist, forcing him to stop. when bellatrix released him, he rubbed the skin her hand been tightly wrapped around.
“where are you going?”
“library” regulus replied, the word falling so often from his lips that it was impossible to tell that this time it was a lie.
with most students still eating, the corridors were quiet as regulus made his way to mcgonagall’s office. he knocked cautiously.
the reply was immediate: “come in.”
a chessboard had already been set up and a tray of biscuits was by its side. regulus perched precariously on the edge of the seat opposite the transfiguration teacher who was eyeing him over the top of her glasses carefully.
“your move first” she said, nodding down at the board.
as regulus reached out to move his first piece, he relaxed into the chair more, leaning against its back, no longer literally on edge.
“what did sirius tell you?” he asked nervously, afraid of the judgement that was bound to come.
“that your parents have plans for the pair of you to take the dark mark” mcgonagall began, faltering slightly she realised what she was saying. “sirius has made it clear that that is not something he wants; something he doesn’t believe in, but he is unsure of your stance. he says you don’t believe in what the dark mark represents or what your parents stand for, but you also can’t see another option for yourself other than to accept the situation you find yourself in. would that be accurate, regulus?” she asked gently.
regulus paused, his hand hovering above one of his bishops, a shadow being throw over the entire board.
“yes” he breathed out. “i don’t know ho-”
“i have an alternative” mcgonagall interrupted. “a different option for you. the potters are more than willing to take you in like they have your brother. i’m not saying it will be easy, but there are people who care for you, and your brother is at the top of that list.”
“professor, my parents also had a large issue with my brother’s relationship status a-and i’m concerned that i feel the same way and i-”
“the same way as your parents?”
as regulus shook his head, dark curls fell out from behind his ear and he was grateful for the way they hid his face.
“the same way as sirius” regulus whispered.
the door burst open.
“sorry it’s late minnie but i was trying this new tactic an- oh shit you’re busy; i’ll just leave this on your desk and go.”
“if you’d knocked, potter,” regulus looked up, embarrassed. “you would have known i had company. and as much i want to win, you cannot keep prioritising quidditch over your schoolwork; especially not over transfiguration” she finished with a smile.
“right. of course. well” james ran a hand through his hair as he became flustered. “see you in tomorrow’s lesson. goodnight baby black.”
regulus felt his cheeks burn at the nickname and he struggled to raise his chin from his chest once the door had closed behind the gryffindor chaser.
“i have to go, professor. i need to talk to sirius before james does.”
“would you like to resume this game another time?” mcgonagall asked.
regulus looked down at the pieces that were dotted around the board. his collection of black pieces was considerably smaller than the amount of pieces mcgonagall had taken from him.
“next time, could we just start a new game instead?”
mcgonagall smiled softly as she watched the younger black brother make his way to her classroom door.
“of course. goodnight mr black.”
“goodnight professor.”
just outside the doorway, regulus paused before starting to sprint through the corridors. taking the stairs two at a time, regulus quickly caught with and overtook james on his way to gryffindor tower.
“HEY! no running in the corridors.”
regulus stopped and turned around.
“when have you ever paid attention to that rule?”
james pulled a face and pointed to his headboy badge.
“i am an extremely sensible person, i’ll have you know.”
regulus rolled his eyes at the formality with which james was speaking. he’d put on an accent, although where it was supposed to be from regulus was unsure.
“don’t disrespect your headboy like that” james scolded teasingly. “how come you’re coming up to the tower?”
looking into the softness of james’ eyes, regulus found himself unable to tell the truth. the look of interrogation was overwhelming.
“it’s unimportant, sir” regulus said, bowing mockingly.
james pushed him, making him lose his balance.
“if you bow again, i’ll give you detention.”
regulus stood up straight.
“i’ll bear it mind” regulus murmured, starting down the stairs to his right.
“where are you going?” james questioned. “your common room isn’t that way.”
“did it occur to you that i know that, and i’m not going to the common room?” regulus asked, shouting back up the stairs.
he smirked as he turned away, hearing james’ heavy footsteps on the stairs behind him.
“okay.” james breathed out heavily as he caught up with regulus. “where are you going then?”
“the library.”
“can i come?”
“if you want” regulus said, not stopping as james fell behind to look at him curiously.
james watched the way regulus’ hands slipped easily into his trouser pockets, his walk confident yet his steps were small, like he wanted to make sure he was never too far from the safety of what he’d left behind; like he could always turn back and retreat. he cleared his throat as regulus turned around to look at him, his pale hand hovering above the library door handle. moonlight had broken through the clouds and was entering the corridor the two boys stood in, the bright light reflecting off the silver of regulus’ rings.
“you coming, then?”
“yeah” james mumbled, his voice slightly stuck in his throat.
regulus pushed the door open, stepping to the side as james’ much broader body passed his own. the smell of ginger lingered in the air and regulus found the corners of his lips starting to tilt upwards as he made his way towards the gryffindor chaser who had stopped awkwardly a couple of steps into the room.
“not familiar with your location?” regulus asked with a smirk as he walked straight past james. “this is the school library” regulus explained, intentionally slow and patronising, making james roll his eyes.
james followed regulus who quickly turned down one of the aisles. by the time james got there, the slytherin was already sat on the floor, a book positioned delicately between his slender fingers. james craned his neck to try and read the title on the front cover.
as regulus’ fingers moved to turn the page, james’ mouth opened slightly in surprise as he saw the title - “the myth of blood purity”. james sat down opposite regulus, eyeing him carefully.
“didn’t think that would be something you read” james commented.
regulus finished his sentence before looking up. his eyes flicked between james’ face and the pages.
“if i’m being told something that i don’t understand, i want to understand.”.
“what are you saying?”
regulus folded the corner of the page and put the book down on the floor next to him.
“i’m saying that i don’t understand the origins of the theory of blood purity. and why it makes a difference when clearly muggleborns and half-bloods are equally capable of performing magic.”
“so you don’t believe in blood supremacy?” james asked softly, hoping for a very specific answer.
“no” regulus replied quickly. “but i want to understand why others do.”
“it doesn’t matter why they do it; they’re wrong.”
“i know, but i want to know why.”
“but why?”
“why what?”
“why does it matter to you why other people believe bullshit?”
regulus sighed and james moved closer, still keeping an eye on the slytherin. regulus stayed still as james’ shoulder brushed his own. a heavy silence fell over them as the clouds moved to block the moon. the shadows of the bookcases became elongated, disappearing away into the dark expanse of hogwarts’ library.
“can i ask you a question?” james asked suddenly, his voice breaking through the darkness.
“i- err sure” regulus said, twisting his neck to try and find james’ dark eyes.
“what did you mean when you said you feel the same way as sirius?”
regulus snapped his head back so fast his neck clicked audibly.
he answered with another question.
“were you listening through the door?”
regulus heard the older boy exhale uncomfortably.
“i only heard a little bit.”
“you were eavesdropping?” regulus asked loudly, standing up and sending the book that was in his lap flying.
“no! i-i opened the door pretty much straight away. it was an accident” james finished defiantly.
“okay well yes fine; there’s a chance i” regulus cursed internally, staring up at the ceiling. “i don’t ever want to be with a girl.”
“so” james began tentatively, standing up. “you’d want to be with a boy?”
in the darkness regulus felt the distance between him and the gryffindor close. the clouds had parted again and regulus could see james stood in front of him, the cold, bright moonlight reflecting in his warm eyes.
“maybe” regulus whispered.
“can i take that maybe?” james asked, his hand moving to cup regulus’ cheek.
james felt regulus nod against the palm of his hand and standing up on his tiptoes, regulus let his lips meet james’.