Chapter 1
Toni was eleven years old when her life radically changed. In the foster system since she was a small child, she bounced from one foster family to another with the label of « problem child ». She was wild and unruly, hot tempered and quick to anger, but above all she felt lonely, yearned for love and acceptance. Not that it was something anyone seemed to notice.
That day, her hand clutching the handle of her suitcase, her heart beating hard in her chest, she was marching straight into the unknown. A letter came. Something new and exciting was waiting for her. « Please, come, we want you » said the letter. There was no hesitation on her end. An escape from her painful life. Here, in this place called Hogwarts, maybe she wouldn’t be so lonely, maybe there would be some people like her.
Toni was different in a lot of ways. She realized this quite early on. First, she was a foster kid. She didn’t have a Mom and a Dad to take her to the zoo, pick her up from school. She walked home alone for as long as she could remember, and home was always a temporary place. The second thing, she could never explain it until the letter. When she lost her temper, which happened quite often, strange things would happen. The boy who made fun of her for having no parents was violently thrown against a wall without her having to touch him. Things would break. People would get hurt. « It wasn’t me, I swear ! » was a sentence she’s gotten used to saying, voice trembling with fear and anger, would she get abandoned again ? But deep down she knew it was her, she just couldn’t explain how she did it, why it happened and it was totally out of her control. She was so scared when she lost it in that way. She started to think that she was some kind of monster, someone who didn’t deserve to be loved.
And there also was what she felt for girls. What she didn’t feel for boys. She came to understand that other girls didn’t feel the same. One day she was hiding in a cupboard with her friend Kate during a game of hide and seek, and she suddenly felt overwhelmed by how close she was, how pretty she looked in the low light. Their arms were brushing and she could hear the faint murmur of her breath in the confined space. Toni felt her cheeks burning in the dark, and when she looked up and felt Kate’s gaze on her face, led by some deeply buried instinct, she leaned in and kissed her on the mouth. It all happened very quickly, and then she was apologizing profusely, because obviously Kate didn’t feel as she did, but she said it was alright, that she woudn’t tell anyone, and she kept her promise.
Toni wondered if in this new place, there would also be girls like her. Girls that would want to kiss her. And this thought made her heart soar with hope and joy.
It was all so new, so magical. Running through this wall, and then this train platform, this ancient train in all its metal glory. The place was crowded. Toni felt her heart tighten when she saw adults, mothers and fathers, hugging their children goodbye. She was alone, nobody by her side to gently encourage her and kiss her goodbye. But then she shook the feelings away, she was strong. She was okay. Things would be okay.
This was also the day she met Martha, the girl who would become her best friend, her chosen sister. She was alone in the train compartment, feeling lost and out of place, and when the door opened on this friendly face, she instantly felt a wave of relief wash over her. Toni was so wary, usually, with new people, but with Martha, she couldn’t explain why, maybe they were some kind of soulmates, the trust was instantly here. She had never seen anyone with kinder eyes.
- Hello, can I sit with you ? I’m Martha.
- Uh, yeah, of course, answered Toni.
The girl merrily went by her side, her long dark hair swaying on her shoulders.
This was also the day she met Shelby.
Things felt natural and easy with Martha. After about twenty minutes together, they were both laughing like they knew each other forever. You’re so stupid, cried out Martha, and Toni was happy to play the clown for her. As she was busy making fart noises, the door opened for a second time. A girl was standing in the entrance, a bright smile on her face. Toni stopped laughing right away and took in the new comer. She was blonde, her long hair neatly tied in a shiny ponytail. As she took a few steps, coming closer, Toni noticed that her eyes, rimmed by long lashes, were green. They are so clear, almost golden, thought Toni, distracted. I have never seen eyes like this. The sunlight, falling on the girl’s face, made her blink a few times. Toni felt a quaint quiver in her chest and did her best to ignore it. Suddenly her guard was up again, a mix of anxious anticipation and distrust replacing the sweet goofiness she felt with Martha. She was embarrassed, angry at herself even, to have been caught in such a ridiculous state by this pretty girl with movie-like eyes who, Toni was sure, was laughing at her in her head. Maybe that’s why she almost barked at her before she could even say a word :
- What do you want ?
The blonde seemed startled : her eyes got a little wider for a second, and Toni felt oddly satisfied to get this reaction out of her. Beside her, Martha was wearing a confused expression, she didn’t understand her new friend’s sudden agression.
- I was just coming to say hello… I saw you were alone on the platform. I thought you might want some company. I’m Shelby Goodkind by the way. What’s your name ?
Toni instantly felt a hot wave burn through her. Was it anger, embarrassment, or something else entirely ? She didn’t pause to ask herself the question.
- No thanks. I don’t need your pity.
The answer was icy and cold. Emotion clouded the bottom of Shelby’s eyes, which seemed to darken and lose their diaphanous clarity, noticed Toni, inexplicably fascinated.
- I wasn’t pitying you, she started.
- I’m Martha and this is Toni, interrupted Martha, eager to bring back peace. Are you a first year too ?
- So pleased to meet you, Martha, answered Shelby, recovering her sparkly smile. Yes I am ! God, isn’t this so exciting ? I can’t wait for the Sorting Ceremony. Although there’s not a whole lot of suspense for me, I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be a Slytherin. Everyone in my family is one, it has been that way for generations ! That’s crazy, isn’t it ? Anyway, my daddy always told me I was a true Slytherin, just like him.
On their short time on the train, Martha has explained Toni Hogwart’s house system. From her understanding, Slytherin seemed like the douchy house. Shelby’s ridiculous enthousiasm annoyed her.
- Why are you so sure you’re gonna be a Slytherin ? asked Toni, sharpness in her voice. Don’t you have your own personnality ? Or do you think being your parents’s little clone is enough ?
- I know I am going to be one, it just has to be that way, replied Shelby after a small pause, her gaze firmly set into the other girl’s dark eyes. It doesn’t mean I lack personnality. You don’t have to be so rude about it, Toni.
She said that last sentence raising her eyebrows, two small arcs high on her forehead. Toni felt the words she was about to say swept out of her throat. Hearing her name in Shelby’s mouth upset her, made her lose her boldness. Why was that ? She couldn’t tell.
At this moment, the door opened and a boy with light brown hair grabbed Shelby’s wrist, his long black robe rustling behind him. He stared at Toni, her basketball shorts, her worn out adidas sweater, the headphones around her neck, disdain in his eyes.
- Shelby ! We were looking for you. What are you doing with this mudblood ?
Martha’s eyes opened wide. Before she could say anything, the boy dragged Shelby out of the compartment. She shot one last look at Toni above her shoulder, who was unable to read her expression. Only then did she notice that one of Shelby’s hand was holding a bag of sweets.
That day, Toni learned that even in this whole new world, she was different.
Shelby, as she predicted with so much certainty, was sorted in Slytherin. Toni ended up in Gryffindor.
As Toni quickly came to learn, Gryffindors hated Slytherins. A natural, easy hatred. Toni hated Shelby. Shelby hated her too.