Jackie knows. She knows shauna fucked jeff. She knows Shauna’s pregnant with Jeff's baby. Shauna had never felt as scared as she did when she found Jackie lying in the snow that next morning.
They got her inside and warmed her up, and she came back to life by some miracle (if you were to ask Lottie, it’s because it was what the wilderness wanted, but Shauna didn't know what to believe). They held Shauna back as she screamed and protested them cutting off Jackie's ear and two of her fingers due to the frostbite.
When Jackie woke up again, having passed out from the pain, she still hated Shauna and wouldn’t even look at her. Shauna knew she had to make it right, but she didn’t know how, so she and Jackie played a game of dancing around each other and avoiding one another for the next month and a half.
It wasn’t until one day when Shauna was in the meat shed, cutting up the dregs of the bear Lottie had killed, that all this changed. Shauna held the knife in her hands and felt the weight of the metal blade as it slid through the chunks of meat in front of her.
She thought about doing it. About ending it all right there with her butcher's knife. Just as she genuinely decided it might be the answer to all her problems she heard footsteps behind walking up to the meat shed. She dropped the knife and spun round to see non other than Jackie fucking Taylor standing in the doorway.
For the first time since that fateful night, Jackie was actually looking at her. She basks in the attention, and their eyes finally meet for the first time in what feels like forever. “Jackie i-”
“No, Shauna don't,” Jackie cuts her off mid-apology. Shauna had tried apologizing when Jackie had woken up, but every single one fell on deaf ears (or I guess ear). “I came here to tell you to hurry up, as I, for some reason, was nominated to do so by the group, and I walk in here to see you frozen just staring at the knife pressed to your wrist.”
Shauna was speechless. She hadn't even realised she was doing that, and now Jackie had seen her. She just wanted to curl up into a ball and die, but instead, she was subjected to the signature scrutinizing gaze all Taylors possessed.
Jackie walked over and stood in front of Shauna and grabbed her hands, gripping them. Her eyes flickered down to Jackie's lips. Jackie noticed but didn't say a thing, just stared at Shauna as they stood inches apart. Before she could even think about what she was doing, Jackie grabbed Shauna’s face and pulled her forward. Their lips met in a tantalizing frenzy of teeth and tongue.
Shauna couldn't believe this was actually real. She had to be hallucinating. There was no way she was actually kissing Jackie. And Jackie motherfucking Taylor was kissing her back, hell she initiated it. Jackie, who hated her guts. Who loved her boyfriend. Jackie was straight, right?
When the two broke apart for air, they rested their foreheads together and stood in silence, the only sound being their panting breaths.
“Please don't.” Jackie pleaded, breathlessly. When Shauna sent her a quizical look, Jackie elaborated, “Please don't kill yourself.”
Oh shit, shauna had forgotten all about that as she got so caught up in the moment. “Promise me you won’t, Shauna,” Jackie begged, holding out her pinky for Shauna to link.
“I promise.” Shauna met Jackie's pinky and brought up their conjoined hands to her lips.
“I'm still super mad at you, by the way,” Jackie reminded sternly but with a twinkle of playfulness in her eyes.
“I know, and I promise I will make it up to you, Jax.”
“You better, Shipman,” Jackie said before bringing shaunas lips back down to hers.
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Over the next month or two, Shauna and Jackie grew even closer than they were before, and while they questioned how the two had made up again, they knew better than to say anything.
Time went on, and Shauna and Jackie became official. Shauna grew closer and closer to her due date, and while she refused to talk about it, Jackie knew Shauna was terrified. Truth be told, it scared Jackie to no end at the thought of losing her soulmate, but on the other hand, everything could go well, and they could raise this baby together. Stranger things have happened out there.
When it came time for Shauna to give birth, Jackie tried to help, but she was shaking too much to do anything but let Shauna grip onto her hand like it was her only lifeline. She didn't care how hard Shauna gripped it so long as she was helping her girlfriend in some way. Shauna could break her hand for all she cared.
When the placenta came out before the baby, Jackie looked around at the others and realised that was definitely not supposed to happen. She thought that they had lost the baby or maybe would even lose Shauna, and her body violently shook with fear.
Some of her fears, however, were quelled when the piercing screams of Shauna’s baby boy filled the cabin. Her body was filled with intense happiness and joy, and she turned to Shauna only to see that she had passed out.
Akilah and Van took the baby away to clean him up as everyone else jumped into action to try and help Shauna. Natalie came up behind Jackie and pulled her away as she stared despondently. She curled into Nat's arms and cried until Nat began to nudge her to look up. She turned around to see what Nat wanted her to look at and saw Shauna beginning to stir and reaching out for her.
Jackie sprung out of Nat's embrace and over to Shauna and hugged her tightly. The baby was brought back over and placed into Shauna’s arms. Jackie stared at the mother-son duo and smiled out of pure love and adoration, and for the first time ever, she kissed Shauna in front of the others.
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It had been a few days since the birth, and Shauna had still not gotten out of bed. Pain radiated through her entire body, and everywhere was sore and achey. Her limbs felt like they were full of lead, and she couldn't even sit up without being helped, and even then, it was only to feed the baby.
She loved her son, she really did, but she was still working on liking him. He didn't cry much or fuss when being fed, but she still couldn't bring herself to feel the same love she saw when Jackie looked at him.
Shauna was given the bedroom and Coach Scott was relegated to sleeping in the common room. Jackie slept in the same bed most nights, and the baby slept in a makeshift crib built by tai that sat to the side of the bed.
Jackie was standing with the baby bundled up in her arms, rocking him softly. She placed him down into the crib once he fell asleep and walked over to the bed. She slid in next to Shauna, who was facing the wall away from Jackie. Jackie placed a comforting hand on Shauna's back and laid down to spoon her from behind.
“What's wrong, my love?” Shauna didn’t answer, just continued to stare at the blank spot on the wall. “Please talk to me.” Shauna could hear the desperation in Jackie's voice, and it broke her heart.
“I think there is something wrong with men, Jackie. Im scared,” Shauna said, her voice cracking as she held back a sob.
“Scared of what, baby?”
“Of myself, of hurting you or the baby, of hurting myself.” Jackie's heart broke at the admission. She pulled the now crying girl to her chest and held her until she eventually cried herself to sleep on top of her girlfriend.
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The next few weeks went by relatively the same with Shauna barely leaving the bed and crying into jackies arms at night. Shauna had overheard Misty talking about postpartum depression, and while Shauna couldn't even pinpoint the first time she felt like this, she knew it was before she gave birth. Maybe even before the plane had crashed.
Shauna couldn’t do this anymore, she knew Jackie and the baby (who was still yet to get a name despite being born almost a month ago) would be better off without her. She knew the world would be better off without her.
She wrote letters: one to the group, one to Jackie, one for the baby when he's older, and one for her mom if they ever get rescued. She left them on the bed in the bedroom and wandered off outside while everyone was distracted.
Or at least almost everyone. Everyone except Jackie, who had been keeping a close watch on Shauna ever since that day in the meat shed. Jackie handed the baby to Van and left the cabin after Shauna.
She followed Shauna down to the lake, making sure that she wasn't noticed by the other girl. The lake was still frozen over, and she watched as Shauna stepped out onto the ice. She watches in horror as Shauna lifts her fist and brings it down onto the ice, not only breaking the ice itself but also the skin on shaunas knuckles.
Jackie rushed over to Shauna, being careful not to let the now weakened ice break underneath her feet. “Shauna, please just come to the shore, and we can talk about this.”
“I'm tired, Jax.”
“I know, honey, but I need you, and the baby needs you, so please just grab my hand, and we can go over to where it's safer.”
“I just want this all to be over,” Shauna said, finally looking up at Jackie with sad, glossy eyes.
“I know you do, but I need you, Shipman. You’re my soulmate. Please don't leave me. You promised me you wouldn't do this. You promised,” Jackie pleaded rather desperately.
Shauna finally grabbed Jackie's still outstretched hand, and Jackie pulled her into her side as she walked them over to the shore, careful not to break the ice and send them plummeting into the icy water as she went.
Jackie grabbed shaunas frozen, bloodied knuckles and kissed them as the two collapsed into the snowy bank. Shauna sobs into Jackie's arms for what feels like hours, and she is sure that if they stay out here much longer then they will freeze to death, for real this time.
Jackie pulls Shauna to her feet, and the two take the slow and long walk back to the cabin. When to two arrived back, Shauna threw the letters off the bed and collapsed down onto it, with Jackie following soon after.
Later that night, after Shauna had fallen asleep, Jackie opened the letter for her and sobbed in a ball on the floor for two hours after reading it. She knew it wouldn't be easy, but together, she and Shauna would get through this. At least for now, though, Shauna was alive and safe in her arms.