The Monster
Matthew watched as his mother made him and his brother their dinner. Hope Lupin was a wonderfull woman- really. She almost always had her hair tied back with a red bandana, hummed old songs when she cooked and baked the best apple pies. She was a lovely person in many ways, but that just wasn't... enough. There was no point in denying it, Hope didn't love Matthew the way she did Remus. A year after Lyall and Hope Lupin settled down, they had a baby. A beautiful, gorgeous baby boy. Only a year later, Hope found herself pregnant again. They didn't want another child- 9 months later, however, Matthew Lupin was born. An unnoticed, unwanted baby.
Just at that moment Lyall Lupin walked in, muttering under his breath. He was just in time for dinner. It is the only time of day that he sees his kids.
"Hello honey." Hope said with a smile as her husband sat down, her welsh accent very pronounced.
"How was work, dad?" Remus asked giving Matthew a sideward glance. Their father wasn't normally in a good mood, but his annoyed expresion seemed extreme today.
"Bloody half-breeds, absolutely sinful. The deserve nothing but death- and a painfull one too." Lyall said in a rush as Hope piled mashed potatoes onto his plate.
"Who deserves death, father?"
"Werewolves, Matthew, that's who, the disgusting sinners!" He said the word as if it disgusted him to even think it.
"I'm sure you don't mean it, honey." Hope said, distracted with trying to get Remus to eat another helping. At that Lyall Lupin launched into a retelling about how he did mean it and how there was this case at work, where a greyback- Matthew wasn't sure what a greyback meant- had apparently murdered two muggle children and pretended he was just some muggle tramp. The story went on for ages and the two young boys were basking in the fact that this was the longest conversation their father had ever had with them. Lyall, getting bored, went to his study, leaving his wife and children to clean up dinner.
"You boys wash the dishes while I find you a story to read you. What story do you want, Remus?" The older boy looked at Matthew for a sugestion, but Matthew was desperatly trying to look anywhere but his mother and brother.
"Any story mum, thanks." Remus ended up muttering. Hope left the kitchen with a smile.
Once they had finished washing the dishes- it took a while seeing as they were only four and five years old- the both of them went into their shared bedroom and got ready for bed. Well, Remus got himself ready and then got Matthew ready. Although there is only a year and an one month diference between them, Remus just feels older than Matthew. Remus quite obviously still sees Matthew as a baby- Matthew isn't complaining, he likes being babied by the only person he really loves.
Hope comes wandering in, sits herself down on Remus's bed and starts reading one of Beatrix Potter's tales, Mr. Tod. It is Matthews' favourite story, but Remus pretends it is his favourite one so that Hope will always read it. Remus is, even as a five-year-old, the most unselfish person Matthew knows.
He settles down in his bed, cuddling up to his fox stuffie, Mr. Tod- named of course, after the antagonist in the Peter Rabbit book series- while his mother reads Remus the book. He tries not to feel jealous seeing his mother cuddling his brother like he is her little miracle, Remus deserves to be loved and appreciated, it's just dificult. Matthew scoldes himself for feeling that way. At least you have Remus, stop being so ungrateful he tells himself everynight. At the ripe and tender age of four, Matthew is well aware that he was- is a mistake.
"Goodnight Remus, darling. I love you so much." Hope presses a kiss to her son's head and leaves the room without even so much as a glance toward her other son. Matthew knows his mother doesn't do it intentionally, when she realises her other son exists she gives him a kiss aswell. But, that's just the thing, isn't it? She- and everyone else- forgets Matthew even exists.
Matthew crawls out of his bed and goes to sit next to Remus, who has slipped out of his own bed and is now staring up at the full moon. Remus likes the moon, takes comfort in it, of how big and bright it is. Matthew doesn't, he has got used to the shadows. He sort of likes the darkness and the comfort it brings him. Matthew doesn't want to be in the spotlight, he just doesn't want to be forgotten either.
"Did you like the story, Theo?" Remus asked breaking the silence.
"You ask for it every night, so the real question is whether you like it."
Remus hums, "I know it is your favourite." he knows all to well that Hope puts him on a pedastool. Remus tries to make Matthews' life as easy as he can. That is just one other reason Matthew loves Remus more than anyone else in the entire world. Remus is Matthew's entire world.
They talk for ages about books and maybe asking their mother if she can take them to the library tomorrow. They also talked about Hogwarts. On the rare occasion that their father talked to them, he would tell them about how amazing Hogwarts is. Both Remus and Matthew had shown very early signs of magic, so there was no doubt that they would be accepted to the school. In the meantime they would just have to attend muggle school, getting laughed at because of every little thing: their shabby clothes and jumpers, weird things happening around them...
Eventually, the two boys went to bed, Remus bathed in the moonlight and Matthew hidden in the shadows. That was the last night Matthew slept well.
The sound of screaming woke Matthew up. He blinked in the dark, rubbing his eyes. The door of the bedroom burst open and Lyall and Hope Lupin rushed in, only to find a large grotesque body on top of their poor, fragile, screaming son. Lyall quickly raised his wand and sent the thing flying through the window. Remus was bleeding all over his body. Hope rushed forward and Lyall clotted Remus' bleeding and gave him a disgusted look before running out of the room looking absolutely furious. Hope sat there crying over Remus's body. Matthew stood next to him in a state of horror, he had no idea what was going on, exept that someone had broken in and had harmed Remus, who was bleeding all over the place and was unconcious. He also knew that his father was absolutely furious about what had just happened.
Hours pased. Hope had cleaned Remus up and left crying to go make some tea. Matthew wanted someone to please explain what was happening, but no one did, so he just lay next to his unconcious brother, not knowing if he was alright or not. Once Lyall had arrived home, he immediatly shut himself in his study. Hope could still be heard crying silently, so Matthew eased himself out of bed, carefull not to wake him up. That is, if he is even ali-
No! No, he most certainly will not let himself finish that thought. He needed to find out what had happened first. So, in a quiet state of hysteria, he opened his fathers' study door, only to find him in the corner, with his stuff magically flying into empty boxes. Was he... leaving?
"What's wrong, daddy?" He didn't quite manage to keep his voice as leavel as he wanted to.
"I am leaving." Lyall said simply, an angry edge to his tone.
"What, why?" This was really to much for him to handle right now. "What's wrong with Remus?"
"He's a monster, no one should go near him. He should be locked up!"
"No, you're the monster! Remus is lovely. What happened to him?" Matthew was most certainly hysterical now.
"Don't you dare shout at me!" Lyall Lupin never shouted, he was always calm and collected. This was not the case at the moment, however.
"Tell me what happened to him!" Tears began to sting Matthews' eyes, he tried his best to wipe them away, but it was really just to much right now.
"He was bitten by a werewolf and everyone around him is in danger. I am leaving and you would be a fool if you didn't aswell." His father turned away from him and Matthew could feel the tears running down his cheeks, this couldn't be happening to him, to Remus. Matthew turned and ran to his room as fast as his stubby toddler legs could carry him. Launching himself onto the bed, he cried until he fell asleep. It wasn't fair! Remus was the only person that truly loved him, they just couldn't take him away. There was no way they could.
Matthew was once again woken up by Remus, this time it was because he grunted in his sleep. He launched himself out of bed and ran to his brothers' side. Remus flinched and let out a pained, "Ouch!" when he opened his eyes they were filled with tears.
"What happened? Where has that man gone? Why does it hurt so much?" Remus said in a rush looking around frantically.
Matthew took a deep breath, trying to compose himself, "Dad said you have been turned into a- a... werewolf."
Remus never cried. That wasn't a good thing, Matthew knew. He also knew that Remus hated showing any weaknesses, so he just... never did. Matthew had never wanted to kill someone before, ever, but know, at only four-years-old, he wanted to kill two people. His father and Greyback. ( He wasn't really sure about the prosces of killing somebody, but his little/ no knolledge would just have to sufice.) Mother had explained to both Remus and Matthew, inbetween crying herself, that Remus most certainly is a werwolf and the person that bit him was Greyback.
"Dad left because of me, right?" Remus asked once their mother had got up and went to bed, sniffling all the way. He was trying to hide the break of his voice, but Matthew knew that he felt immensly guilty that Lyall had left and blamed it on himself.
"No, dad left because he is an asshole. Don't you dare blame yourself Remus." Matthew said, his temper rising. They were speaking welsh, as they often did exept when they were talking with their father. That barely ever happened though. Their mother was welsh, so both of the boys grew up speaking only welsh to each other.
That night as Matthew lay in Remus' bed,- in the beginning, Remus had tried to get Matthew to stay away from him, but he told Remus to stop being riddikulus- the older boy was fast asleep, Matthew realised that this moment was really the point he stopped loving his father. Some part of him thinks that he was trying desperatly to hold onto his absent father, but that was all over now. Lying in his brothers bed, he cursed both his parents, Remus had just gone through the most painfull time of his five-year-old life and all his parents could do was leave and weap. Lyall had left Remus, but Matthew never would. Remus was the only one there when he would cry at night, the one who would dress Matthew, tie his shoelaces, the one who would tell Matthew he was proud of him, even when he hadn't done anything to be proud of, Remus would struggle through books just so Matthew could have a book read to him. Remus was there when no one else was. So, like any good person would, Matthew wasn't going to leave him just because this has happened to him.
Matthew would like to say that the morning after that was difficult, but the truth was, every morning after that was dificult. He kept going because he promised himself he would, he had to for Remus. He still let the older brother baby him. He just stopped showing any sings of weekness. Crying? Nope, not anymore. Matthew knew that wasn't healthy, but he did what he could to survive. Lyall Lupin was gone for four weeks and everynight and everyday was just as painful as the next. Him and Remus manage just fine, thank you very much. Just sometimes, Remus locked bits of himself away, he had never done that before. To be honest, it makes Matthew feel afraid. Hope Lupin was hopeless. Sure she cleans the house, makes the food, goes out shopping -she even gets a job. Remus is happy that she is "returning to herself again", Matthew isn't happy, should he be? His mother is doing the bare minimum for both of her children, while Remus dresses them, gets everything ready for school, sets the table, comforts their mother... Matthew is trying to help -of course he is- just, somehow Remus seems like a fourty-year-old in a five-year-olds body, wheras Matthew is a four-year-old in a four-year-olds body.
Maybe it's scary how much Remus and Matthew change, but it really just is defense mechanisms. Both boys lock bits of them away and shut themselves down. Remus because he thinks people won't like what they see and Matthew because he is afraid they will use it against him.
So, naturally, when Lyall comes back Matthew is furious. It has been four weeks and they haven't heard anything from him. Money, support, love? Nothing! Hope is ecstatic, Remus is frightened. And Matthew? Well Matthew is fuming.
Matthew and Remus were on their walk home from school, when they opened the front door just to find Hope making dinner and Lyall sitting at the table, staring into space. Both boys froze starring wide-eyed at their father. Matthew felt his blood boil.
"How dare you? How dare you just leave when we needed you the most and then come back like you haven't done anything wrong?" Matthew shrieked jabbing his tiny little finger in his father's direction. Hope gasped and let out a feeble "Theo, how could you? Go to your room.", but Matthew didn't care, how dare his father have the audacity to just show up and then look offended.
"I missed your mother terribly. I also see that you did not take my advice, you are a fool." Lyall narrowed his eyes at Remus, who was looking absolutely mortiffied, but Matthew was to busy gasping at the phrase his father just had the nerve to utter. God forbid, Lyall ever show any interest in his children. A lot of things were racing through Matthews' head, some absolutely dreadful and some only slightly better.
He ended up settling for, "Then you are also a fool, father." Remus jabbed his elbow lightly into Matthews' chest, but he was to busy fuming to care about how much hatred his tiny body was able to conjur up. Before Lyall could reply, however, Hope sent both boys to bed with a quick "My goodness, I don't know what has gotten into him today." It was a shame that Lyall didn't have time to reply, Matthew would have rather liked to argue more.
"What was that for?" Remus hissed as soon as the bedroom door closed.
"He deserved it,"
"Look, I know you're upset at dad and desperatly want to have a go at him, but I also know that you have missed him increadibly and find the emotions that fill you now to much to cope with, so please don't take it out on him... not when we've just got him back." It was only then, that Matthew saw how tired Remus looked, was a five-year-old supposed to have dark circles under his eyes. It was also only then that Matthew realised that the full moon was tonight. So that's why father had returned, the little shit, I- oh god, at that moment Matthew realised that he had been so caught up in not being selfish and putting Remus in front of him, that he had forgotten to actually put Remus in front of himself. At that moment he vowed to do just that for the rest of his life.
The full moon was exhausting. Lyall had locked Remus up in their old garden shed compleated with silencing charms and all kinds of anti-escape and anti-harm charms. That was the first night Matthew had let himself cry for four weeks.Six years later, and it was still the only night of the month where Matthew let himself cry.