No Orgies Please
Face card, no cash, no credit
Yes, God, don't speak, you said it
Lo-lo-look at you
Pop the culture, iconography
Is standin' right in front of me
Look, lo-look at you
Ursa finds Mary outside the library. She looks red and angry tears spill down her lashes. At the sight of Ursa’s radiant grin she rounds on her heels and holds her wand to her throat, this is starting to lose its appeal, what's the fun in being threatened if it happens this often— and so similarly? People have got to get more creative, they really are so unoriginal “You were lying”
“And you were jealous.” she answers easily, without a care to the wand at her throat
“I wasn’t” she digs her wand deeper into her throat and Ursa raises an eyebrow at her. Mary catches herself, her behavior, she does Ursa's job for her, ugh, so dull, too easy, too boring. She takes a step back and fixes her robes. Maybe she can keep her a pet, she seemed to nail the down girl command without even a use of words. She wonders what other tricks she can do
“I think you should go for it”
“There’s nothing to go for” Mary hisses and darts her eyes around them. She takes a step closer to her and lowers her voice “You don’t know what you’re talking about”
“If you don’t someone else will” Ursa singsongs, entirely unbothered by her threats
“Shut up” Mary grinds and clutches her wand, twitching with the ache to use it. She can bark, but Ursa wants to know how hard she can bite, who wants a dog who can't draw a little blood
“Okay, I’ll just tell Pandora she can ask her out then” Mary glares at her with the hatred of a thousand suns and Ursa doesn't let her joy reflect on her face because she's about to figure out Mary's attack command
“Is everything alright here?” Sirius’ silver voice cuts in through their conversation and the thrill running through Ursa's veins dimmers, buzzkill
“Peachy” Mary plasters on a big smile and pretending seems to be one of her special features “She just said red isn’t my color when we all know it is”
“You know, very important stuff” Ursa hums in agreement
“Okay…” Sirius squints at them but dismisses all threat and turns to the library doors
“Where’ you going?” Ursa walks beside him
“To bother Moony” he brushes her off but she follows him inside, he's already regretting butting in on their conversation. Good, maybe he'll finally start learning. Doubtful. He's awfully hard to train for a dog “What do you want?”
“I need to tell you something, where’s your babysitter and his keeper?”
“Huh?”
“Your babysitter and his seeker?” still Sirius looks lost
"Huh?"
"James and Regulus, you dumb fuck"
"The confusion is as to why you want to know, you dull cunt"
"Because I'm asking"
“They’re flying” Sirius rolls his eyes
“Come on then, lets go” she nods further ahead into the library, through the shelves and shelves of books
“I’m not going with you” he still has to pretend he has independent thoughts, he is a dog who wants to be a cat
“Don’t you want to know what I have to say?”
“Not usually” it’s adorable that he thinks he can keep up the feline skeet but he’s as clingy as a dog and she’s known just how to play him since before she could talk
“Crois-moi. Tu fais cette fois” Believe me. You do this time. She watches her nails, smooth, shiny black and perfect
“Pass”
“C’est à propos de ta lune” It’s about your moon. Sirius stops on his heels and rounds on her. If he were in his animagus form he’d be growling. Is he actually growling? “Relax” she rolls her eyes, he’s so dramatic and always assuming the worst of his lovely little sister. Nevermind that’s how she intended him to interpret it, he’s still the one who interpreted it like that “Je ne te menace pas” I’m not threatening you
“Ce n'est pas à ça que ça ressemble” that's not what it sounds like
“You know what? I tried being nice about it,” there’s not a single ounce of truth in that, but Sirius’ doesn’t need to know that. Judging by the sour lemon look on his face, he knows it too well. Maybe he did learn a few of the lessons she taught him while they were growing up “now you can suck on the consequences” she twirls on her heels and marches over to Remus, Lily and— Pandora? “Scatter” she dismisses her
“You catch more bees with honey,” Pandora sing songs but does as she’s told "but you already know that" she smiles and her eyes sparkle towards Lily
“Not you” Ursa nods to Lily who sits back down and the redhead watches Padora walk away with her bright green eyes and Ursa isn’t shy to admit the lovely sight of those emeralds is what makes her company bearable (alongside their shared swotness, but Ursa won’t ever admit to that because she keeps her swotness fashionable and elegant unlike book-thirsty Evans). She casts a silencing spell around them with a hushed mumble
“What’s going on?” her eyes flicker from Ursa to her brother who looks just as confused as Lily feels
“Who figured it out? You or Snape?”
“Figured what out?” Remus furrows his brows, already rubbing his temples and definitely not in the mood to deal with Ursa and her cryptic messaging. Ursa bites down on a smile, Lily has the moral compass of a stick up someone’s arse, she still likes to keep up her decent-human persona in front of her and decent people don’t beam when they’re about to send someone into a shattering mess. Ursa focuses her eyes on the curly werewolf in front of her with a blank face
“You.”
“What?” his eyes shoot up the widest she’s ever seen them and she sees when it lands, when it hits him, just what she means, he pales, every drop of color leaves his face
“I figured it out in our fourth year,” lily whispers, she doesn’t add that she figured it out the second she learnt werewolves are actually real and not just some muggle made up creature, Remus doesn’t need to know that part “Severus started suspecting on our fifth, after the class on how to identify a werew— but I told him he was insane, I even made this fake book about it to disproof— Remus I swear I didn’t tell him” she pleads with him and a tear falls down his cheek
“You— you don’t hate me?” he stummers and Ursa doesn’t stop the roll of her eyes because he dares call Sirius dramatic? “You don’t think I’m a monster?”
“You’re the best man I know” she levels him with a stern look, trying to get it across his big, thick skull
“Wait, that class was at the beginning of the year, if he knew it then why did he wait months before…” Sirius drifts off and turns to his sister “You know why, don’t you?”
"Duh, because he's not a dumb, impulsive Gryffindor, he just sat on what he knew until he knew it’d hurt you the most— whatever idiotic thing is about to come out of your mouth save it, no one wants to hear it"
"It is not idiotic—"
"History begs to differ"
"—and Moony wants to hear everything I have to say, right moony?!"
"Especially the idiotic things" Remus attempts a joke even though his mind is still hang up on the recent revelation but it doesn’t quite land
"See? Even your boyfriend admits tu es un idiot avec des pensées et des idées idiotes" you are an idiot with idiotic thoughts and idiotic ideas
"comment oses-tu?! Je ne suis pas un idiot, tu es un idiot!" how dare you?! I'm not an idiot, you're an idiot!
"C'est très mature" That's very mature
"Remus, I hope this doesn't change anything between us, I promise—"
"It's fine, I, uh, I'm, I'll go, I'll, uh, see ya" he shoots to his feet to flee and Lily stares after him with broad worried eyes, her eyes look like jewels, they really are a wonderful sight
"comme si tu allais mieux— attends, Moons! Où vas-tu?" like you're any better— wait, Moons! Where are you going? Sirius chases after him like a lost puppy.
Lily stares after them with eyes so big and green they sparkle, maybe with a bit of moisture “I may have not gone about it the best way, sorry” Ursa grimaces even though she doesn’t actually care in the slightest. Lily turns to her “I’ll talk to him, yeah? Don’t worry about it, he’ll come around” she takes off after them before Lily can say anything else or, more importantly, ask anything
Everybody loves you, baby
You should trademark your face
Linin' down the block to be around you
But, baby, I'm first in place
Remus, predictable as always, is trying to shrug Sirius off so he can go off on his own to sulk “Moons, come on, we talked about this, we agreed no lonely brooding, I won’t talk if you don’t want to, but please don’t shut me out”
“Sirius, you’re incapable of ever shutting up!” the issue with growing out of a habit is that it’s ingrained in you like a knee-jerk reaction
“I can for you” Sirius’ voice is tiny voice, so unlike their usual back and forth nearing on screaming matches that it snaps Remus out of it
“Shit, I’m sorry sweetheart, I shouldn’t take it out on you, of course you’re capable of shutting up— not that I want to shut you up, I love your voice and everything you have to say, even the pointless”
“You don’t want to shut me up? Because I don’t mind if you take it out on me” Sirius flashes him a smug grin that does wild things to Remus mind and watches the lust grow on his tree-tall boyfriend. Remus tugs him close with a chuckle
“I love you so much sweetheart, what did I ever do to deserve you, huh?” he presses their foreheads together with a soft and gentle smile
“You’re you” Sirius tells him, plain and simple
“Mind if we just cuddle for a bit?”
“I love cuddling, you’re always so warm and— I’m shutting up now”
“No, keep talking,” he kisses his forehead and tucks them into bed, chest to back “it’s soothing” he kisses his temple and lets Padfoot curl into him as he begins his rambling “do you still have the collar?” he cuts him off a moment later even though they both know Sirius still has it tucked on the top drawer of his nightstand.
“Yes. Want me to wear it?”
“I’m not— not for playing, but I think maybe it’ll be soothing”
“Anything you want Moons, always” he pecks his lips gently, chastely and uses magic to get it because he doesn’t want to move away from Remus’ arms for even a second. With the red material in his hand he’s about to put it on but stops himself and stares at it “Maybe you could— you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Remus kisses the top of his head softly and Sirius takes a deep breath “Wearing it soothes me, maybe if you wear it— forget it, it’s stupid”
“I’ll try it out, can you put it on?”
“Yeah” he nods a bit breathless. Remus sits up forward and adjusts Sirius on his lap, he straddles him on instinct and pecks his lips. He wraps the collar around Remus’ lovely neck. He rubs his thumb over the sharp curve of his Adam's apple and feels it move with Remus’ swallow and his mouth is suddenly dry. He loops it in loosely
“Tighter” Remus whispers and Sirius would agree to anything he asks, anything for his Moony, especially when he makes it sounds like that. Remus wraps his arms around him contently and their settle back onto their snuggle.
Face card, no cash, no credit
Yes, God, don't speak, you said it
Look at you
Skip the application interview
Sweet like Marabou
Look, look at you
Ursa heads to the Gryffindor common room an hour later to pretend she cares about Lupin and Lily’s friendship instead of minding her own business. She’s about to go up to the dorms when she sees Mary on a table doing her homework. Ursa hops onto the table next to her and she jolts up “Hey,” Her surprise smoothes out into a scowl
“Hi.”
“I suppose this is the part where I apologize?” Ursa hums and Mary’s scowl deepens “It’s really none of my business, I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry, I can be a bit bitchy and impulsive sometimes” there’s not a hair in her body that’s impulsive but at least she is naturally and proudly bitchy
“Well you are Sirius Black’s sister after all” she sighs, finally letting a smile break through “How did you know? I didn’t even know— does everyone know?!”
“No, nobody knows as far as I’m aware, don’t worry. And I won’t tell anyone, I swear, I’m not in the business of telling people’s secrets. Or outing the, you’d be surprised by the amount of people I know are queer in this school”
“They all hide it” she whispers, like sexuality’s meant to be kept a secret. People put far too much importance on sticks and holes in Ursa’s opinion, but she’s not about to say that, people usually aren’t fond of someone dismissing their issues as not a problem at all
“Not all of them, have you met my brothers?”
“They seem happy”
“They are” she smiles softly at her
“I’m not ashamed of my sexuality,” she feels the need to clarify even though Ursa truly couldn’t care less whether she does or doesn’t “I’m okay with liking both girls and boys, I like having more options, it’s just— she’s my best friend, out of everyone, why does it have to be her?”
“My guess is it’s got something to do with those lovely green eyes— my god, they’re like jewels” she says and Mary snorts
“They are, right? They really are” she sighs dreamily, obviously thinking of that clear shade of green
“I think she prefers brown though” she winks at her “I think I’m the wrong Black to talk with about her” she tucks a perfect curl behind her ear “no one knows being in love with your best friend better than my idiot brother, and I happen to know he’s rather fond of you”
“I don’t think I can say it outloud yet”
“That’s alright, we’ve got the rest of our lives ahead of us, there’s no use in rushing, you can keep talking to me about it if you want”
“You think I have a chance?”
“Are you kidding me? Look at you. Lily’s lucky I’m dating Peter or I swear to God…” she jokes with a whistle and Mary lets out a wet chuckle. She takes a deep breath and the humor is gone from her voice
“Pandora likes her, doesn’t she?”
“Yeah. But other people don’t matter, do you think I haven’t noticed the eyes drooling over my man candy the second we got together? Other people don’t matter, what matters is the two of you— and I’m so much hotter than all of them combined by the way” she adds with a teasing smile to put her at ease, too much focus on a person and their feelings makes them sweat
“Of course”
“Amelia Bones literally asked him out in front of me, she used to do the same with Evan, her sister too, I swear they’re in desperate need of a therapist”
“I thought she was dating Avery?”
“Susan, yeah, she hasn’t made a move on peter so far— at least not that I know of”
“Halloween” Mary says with a tiny smirk, gossip is easy, she’s an expert “I don’t think he even noticed, but I saw her making eyes at him throughout most of the night but he was too busy staring at you”
“Yeah, that tracks, she and Avery broke up for a second, she was looking for a rebound”
“Aren’t you mad? Or jealous?”
“I let them do that part. Emmeline Vance made a pass at him in front of me the second we started dating— it’s annoying, but people always want to take things away from you, lashing out at the people trying to take them and sinking your teeth into what you have only makes you lose it”
“Feeling philosophical, are you?”
“Feeling mature, might change my mind later” she winks and Mary chuckles “now, my prince charming awaits me, I’ll see you later okay?” she places a sonorous kiss on her cheek “Try not to stress too much, everything will be alright”
“Alright, thanks, have fun with your man candy”
“Oh, I will” she winks on her way to the stairs and Mary chuckles as she goes.
Evеrybody wants you, baby (Everybody)
You should insure that waist (With the highеst policy you can get)
But nobody wants you bad as I do
Baby, let me plead my case, yeah
Ursa drops her smile as soon as she shuts the door to the dorm, Peter has made it up to his bed in the past hour and Sirius is mumbling nonsense into Remus’ ear, they look satisfied and content. She flops herself down on Sirius’ bed “what are you doing here?”
“Always so welcoming, can’t I just visit my brother and fake boyfriend?”
“Not unless you want something and I doubt what you want is to make out, so I know I’m not gonna like it” Peter erases a line of his sketched ship to turn it into a gray storm wrecking it apart
“Aw, you want to make out with me? That’s so sweet”
“We can still hear you, you know?” Sirius growling stops when Remus cards his fingers through his hair, he really is a dog
“And I could hear you stick your tongue down Remus’ tonsils last night, but that didn’t stop you”
“Those weren’t my tonsils” Remus tells him smug, Ursa wrinkles her nose a Peter groans
“They were his balls” Sirius beams proudly
“I think they got that bit” Remus kisses him with a fond, smiley laugh
“Unfortunately.”
“James is in the prefect’s bathroom with Regulus” Peter informs them
“Ew, why would you tell me that?” Sirius pulls away from Moony with a sour taste “I didn’t need to know that”
“And I didn’t need to know you sucked Moony’s balls” Peter counters
“Did you really think I didn’t?” Sirius frowns at him
“I think it’s disgusting and I’d really rather not hear about it but really, how could you not have known that? They literally own a collar which Remus is wearing and I want to kill myself again”
“It’s not that I didn’t know, I simply try not to think about my best friends’ sex life”
“At least we have a sex life” if Sirius stuck his tongue out at Peter it’d match his tone
“Yes, I get it, everyone has a sex life except for me, rub it in”
“Pretty sure the issue is that no one’s rubbing it in” that earns him a middle finger
“I don’t have a sex life either” Ursa reminds him
“But you don’t want a sex life” how did the wrecked ship turn into a naked orgy?
“If you stop whining I’ll get you a sex life for christmas”
“You’re not fucking him as a gift” Sirius jolts upright and away from Moony’s soothing touches
“Oh, are you gonna stop me?” she glances at him unimpressed
“I’ll stop him” Sirius says with all his teeth and she rolls her eyes
“Cute. But I wasn’t planning on shagging him, just getting some muggle girl.” she glances at Peter “unless you prefer a bloke” Peter hums in thought
“Can I get both?”
“Can you handle both?”
“A threesome might be a bit much to pop your cherry” Sirius agrees with her
“It’s not as intimidating as it sounds” Remus says absentmindedly and Sirius stiffens in his arms
“You lost your virginity in a threesome?!” Peter gasps and he can’t help the look of awe on his face “How come I have to hear every detail about you and Padfoot but I hear none about that”
“You don’t know every detail”
“And I’m guessing Sirius’ is the oversharer”
“Are you okay sweetheart?” Remus whispers in his ear “we can talk about something else if you want, or we can talk about—”
“No, I’m good, I trust you” he leans back against him even though some tension doesn’t fully leave his muscles
“I almost called her by your name when I came,” Remus whispers “I tried not to think of you but one of them had a leather jacket with a fox on it and I remember thinking it’d look better on you”
“You don’t have to lie to me Moony, I know none of them wore a necklace with your name on it”
“I was pathetic enough that I really don’t need to lie to you Sirius”
“I’m gonna throw up” Ursa shatters their delicate moment
“Leave then” Sirius glares at her for a second before returning his lovey hazed eyes on Remus and leaning forwards
“Do not kiss Lupin right now or I swear on the founders of Hogwarts’ graves I’ll make you regret it”
“You don’t give a toss about the four founders” Sirius hums and brushes Remus’ smile with his lips “You’re so pretty”
“If you don’t stop being gross, I’ll start being gross, really doubt Pettigrew would mind”
“I really wouldn’t” Peter says with a laugh and blocks the stinging hex Sirius sends his way “Hey, we just established I’m single, horny and my cherry un-popped, how am I supposed to resist her? She’s hot and have you heard what they say about crazy chicks in bed?”
“You better start running Pettigrew, if you still want to live” Sirius growls at him and Ursa gets her way because he’s forgotten all about snogging his boyfriend
“You can do that later, I didn’t come here because I enjoy your company” she snaps them to attention “Can one of you brain-dead morons explain to me the little side hustle you’ve got going on?”
“Huh?”
“Who have you been studying with lately, Pettigrew?”
“Oh, Moony was busy so Amy and Gideon offered to explain it to me and Miles, Terrance and Emmeline joined as and we’ve sort of kept it going on the days Moony isn’t tutoring although we don’t learn much, it’s more like an excuse to just hang out”
“Hey, you have other friends beside us?” Sirius pouts, clearly put out
“You guys are still my number ones”
“I was just wondering, did you realize that they all wanna fuck you or did you think they were just being friendly?”
“They don’t want to fuck me, okay? I would’ve realized”
“Really?” Ursa gives her an unimpressed look “And where exactly did Gideon suggest your orgy party— sorry, I mean hang out group, meet up next week?”
“His dorm but— you’re taking things out of context, that’s not what it sounds like, it’s only because Pince kicked us out of the library last time” he argues but she just smirks
“You were invited to an orgy and didn’t realize?”
“Oh, he did more than that, he accepted, he agreed to the center of it,”
“Now that might be a bit too much to handle on your first time” Remus says and they chuckles, Peter just scowls
“I didn’t agree to an orgy!”
“Well that’s what your buddies think is gonna go down”
“Or up” Sirius mutters and Ursa flashes him a crooked grin
“Stop it. I’m not having an orgy, you don’t know what you’re talking about”
“Gideon told Fab he’d need the room room for an orgy”
“He lied, he probably only said that so he agreed to hand over the room so we can concentrate, he kept complaining how Fabian always took the room because three people apparently have more fun than two, but it doesn’t mean anything, we’re not actually gonna have an orgy”
“Really?” she raises her brows at him and bites down on a smile “Because Gideon just suggested we could try just the three of us to ease us into it before the orgy next Friday. Wanna tell me again how it’s not meant to be an orgy?” Peter opens his mouth and closes it as she smirks at him. Remus and Sirius topple over each other as they snicker
“So you’re saying he doesn’t have to wait till Christmas?” Remus asks through his laughter
“He will if he likes his cock attached to his body.” Ursa tells him with a bright smile that she somehow still manages to make look menacing and he’s yet again left wondering how she does it. The smile drops and her eyes burn through him “Fix it.” she slams the door shut behind her and Peter falls back onto his bed with a groan as his so called best friends delight in his discomfort
Give me a call if you ever get lonely
I'll be like one of your girls or your homies
Say what you want, and I'll keep it a secret
You get the key to my heart, and I need it
Give me a call if you ever get desperate
I'll be like one of your girls