Closureless Closure
"Can you hurry up? They're waiting for us" Dorcas takes the stairs two at a time but Pandora opts for a leisure climb, much to her dismay. She huffs all the whole way until she meets her at the top of the stairs "fucking finally!" She reaches for the library door before spinning abruptly on her heels "Hold up! How do I look?"
Pandora takes a long time evaluating her before speaking her conclusions "a bit sweaty"
"What?! Why didn't you tell me that when I was running up the stairs?!" she wails, yanking her towards the nearest bathroom
"I was behind you, I could only see your back— you actually have a very pretty back"
"Thanks, you really think so? I was actually planning on wearing a backless top for Halloween but then Amira said I had a manly back and now I'm second guessing myself but I think she's just mad she's missing out on part of the gossip now that she's 'distancing herself from Ursa' —you know Ursa never spends much time in our room, they've barely seen each other this year so she probably misses her— oh, I look horrendous!” she gasps at the sight of her frizzy hair and sweat-coated skin in the bathroom mirror. She dabs her face with water and attempts to little success every spell she’s seen Ursa and Amira do every morning. It’s several long minutes before she deems herself acceptable because “there’s not enough time for a shower!” she rushes out the door and her sprint jolts back into a ‘casual, leisure walk’ as soon as they step inside the library.
They spot Lily easily, she hunched over her book and begging Marlene to stop talking so she can focus. Dorcas sways her hips over to them, a dramatic swing to them for an extra boost of confidence “Well if it isn’t the two prettiest girls in Gryffindor” Marlene cuts off her rambling to glare at her, at least she gets a reaction?
“What do you want, Meadowes?”
“You” she winks at her because it’s true
“Funny you’d say that because I happen to want you,” Marlene says with a shiny smile and Dorcas’ entire being lights up, she scoots forward, swooped in by Marlene in all her golden glory “as far away from me as the school grounds allow” she finishes with a smirk that happens to have a vague resemblance to Ursa's characteristic one. Dorcas visibly deflates but does her best not to audibly cry
“Ursa sent us in her replacement,” Pandora steps in “Sirius needed her help with his hair”
“We don’t need—”
“Thank you” Lily cuts Marlene off “Can you quiz me please?"
“I was doing that!”
“No. You were asking if I really think Remus owns a tiger and telling me about the rumors of Avery cheating on Susan and I really need to study, I can't have anyone beat me in this class"
"You mean Snape can't beat you"
"Ugh, I'll help you beat snape— I'd also help you beat him up, just a little fyi if you're ever up for it"
"I think I'll settle for just beating him in class, thanks"
"Sure, we'll help, where do we start" Pandora smiles easily and Lily slides the book over to her "Felix Felicis, can you tell me the ingredients"
"Oh, liquid luck, I know that one!” Dorcas sits in front of them “Hold up, sidenote, do you count Horseradish as an ingredient? Because for some reason it’s not on the ingredient list but—”
“She’s only been whining about it for the past half hour”
“Hush you." She waves her friend off and returns her full attention to Dorcas "Yes, I count it. Horseradish, Tincture of thyme, Squill bulb, Occamy—”
“How is the Squill bulb?”
“What? Oh! Juiced!” Lily’s green eyes sparkle with the challenge “Occamy eggshell, Ashwinder egg, chopped up Murtlap tentacles and— god, I’m missing one, which one is it?”
“It’s pretty common”
“Oh! Powdered common rue!”
“Shouldn’t you be checking the answers on the book?” Marlene wrinkles her nose at her, probably searching for any excuse to shoo her away
“Oh, the twins already grinded me about this potion, they can be a bit intense when it comes to some things, I could probably recite it in my sleep— I actually kind of did, I had this dream the other night where I was chased around by gigantic murlap tentacles while a giant seasoned me with aswinder egggshells and—”
“Can you name all the ingredients in the order they’ll be used?” Marlene challenges her
“Ashwinder egg, Horseradish, Squill bulb –juiced–, Murtlap tentacles –the fuzzy bit on the back chopped up–, Tincture of thyme, Occamy eggshell and Powdered common rue. Do you want me to tell you the instructions as well?" Marlene turns away with a clenched jaw and Dorcas smirks
“How about amortentia? Do you know that one already?” Lily says skimping through her potions book
“Not yet” Dorcas elongates her neck, warm and pulsing, to give Marlene the prime view of it as she pers into the pages Lily turns.
“Here it is,” Lily points at it and Dorcas reaches across the table with arms framing her bosom to make it pop but Marlene’s eyes remain firmly glued onto her own book, she doesn’t even glance Dorcas’s way. She wants to whine and pout but takes a page out of Ursa’s book and ignores the ache “Wanna make it fun?” she says instead “We study a topic for ten minutes and then Panda quizzes us, and the one that answers the most questions correctly wins—”
“Oh, hey Palmer!” Marlene waves at the oldest Pettigrew as she walks through the door “I gotta go” she scatters away, god forbid she spends more than another second with Dorcas. This time Dorcas doesn’t hide her disappointment
“You gotta calm down,” Lily bites down on a laugh “you’re more intense than James when he tried to get me to date him”
“Well he got Regulus Black of all people to date him so—”
“Yeah, maybe ask him why he agreed to date James”
“I already did, Ursa said I wasn’t allowed to do that— not that I would have—”
“Wait, now I have to know the answer to that question, why did Regulus agree to date James?”
Dorcas opens her mouth to respond but Pandora kicks her under the table “we can’t tell you. Literally”
“Oh, fuck yeah,” she remembers that little bow she made at the beginning of the year “sorry, but if you ask him he’ll probably tell you, he loves talking about ‘the sun’”
“Okay.” Lily accepts it easily “But now, let's study” and that’s what they do for the rest of the evening.
Ursa shows up in the Gryffindor dorm with a shoe box “What are you doing here?” Peter is dangerously close to slamming the door on her face. She has the audacity to peer up at him like an innocent little flower. She’s thorny and poisonous.
“It’s fine, I asked her to do my hair” Sirius waves him off and she parades into the room. Peter rolls his eyes and decides to keep his mental peace by walking out the same way she just came in “What’s that?” Sirius frowns at the box in her hands
“This is what makes your look go from predictable to fabulous” he reaches for it and she slaps his hand away “but first: get dressed” she pushes him and his clothes into the bathroom. He comes back out dressed in leather on leather and gives a little twirl like when they were kids and playing runway “Okay, hair and makeup, do you want dreamy and unattainable or dirty and inviting?”
“Uhhh, I don’t know, this is the jewelry I was planning on wearing” he holds up pretty much his entire ring collection and a set of cigarette earrings
“Real fancy” she toys with the earrings “Okay, I have one question: contrast or harmony?”
“Contrast. Definitely, far more chaotic that way”
“You’re right, you gotta stay on brand” she smiles back and gestures for him to sit down in front of the mirror. She does his hair up in two half up space buns with star clips pinned on the sides. She puts a pearly shimmer on his lids, blush on his cheeks, highlighter, eyeliner, mascara, brow liner, some sparkly nails between the black ones. It’s a lot of makeup but it’s done subtly since he isn’t used to wearing it yet and still gets a bit self conscious about it, he’s easing himself into it.
“Now will you tell me what’s in the box?” he bounces on his spot. She rolls her eyes and hands it to him. He opens it up and gasps. He stares at two black heels in awe “They’re beautiful”
“I know, and you better keep them that way or Delphie’s gonna kill me”
“Thank you” he says earnestly and she rolls her eyes
“Don’t ruin it by acknowledging it”
“There you go, ruining it. Why can’t we ever get along for more than an hour”
“Ew, what’s got you all sappy?” she wrinkles her nose at him
“Nothing! I’m not sappy!” he answers far too quickly. She quirks a brow at him
“Does this have something to do with the date you’re about to go in?”
“No” again, far too quick to be true
“Look, whatever it is, you should talk to him” before he can respond, she adds “emphasis on talk. If you feel like shouting— which I know you will— write it down, throw it away, and write it again without being an arsehole.”
“That actually sounds maybe like it might be good advice maybe” he frowns at her and she shrugs
“It works for Alice’s parents, they are disgustingly in love. Though I reckon you could always give our parents’ way a try and just not care though you’ve never much succeeded at that in the past”
“I’ll take it as a compliment” he flips his hair back
“It might surprise you but I didn’t mean it as an insult. Anyways, good luck on your date” she departs and leaves him with a smile softer but so much more genuine than before.
When Moony sees Sirius looking likethat it’s a true testament to their self restraint that they make it to their dinner reservation instead of falling back into bed. He loves this look on Sirius. He loves every look on Sirius, but when he sees the high heels that make his legs go on for miles and his bum even perkier than usual, he nearly faints. He fully salivates at the sight. Sirius almost does the same when he realizes Remus is wearing his only sweater without a hole in it, even if it’s his most uncomfortable one, all because he wants to look good for Sirius. Just for Sirius. Only Sirius.
He intertwines their fingers together and nips at Remus’ jaw, just because he can and he wants everyone to know. It’s a signal they need to talk, he knows this but he ignores it, it’s so much easier to focus on the brush of lips against skin.
Apparently he’s not as good at ignoring it as he thought he was because when their plates are clean Remus asks if he’s alright “I don’t know why you would ask that” he says hurriedly, again too fast to sound believable. He’s off his game today, he’s usually a far better liar than that
“Is this about last night? B we don’t have to do it again if you don’t want to, we can go at whatever pace you’re comfortable with and even if you never want to do it again—”
“It’s not that, I—” Sirius struggles to get the words out and Remus kisses his ringed fingers in encouragement. Sirius crumbles, just melts into a puddle, he’ll give Moony anything and everything he asks, even the truth, even this “I’m jealous, okay?” he blurts out “Why didn’t you tell me you were a slut before—”
“Oh, I’m a slut?!” Okay, calling him a slut wasn’t the best way to phrase it “I had to watch your unending parade of conquests for years! And you didn’t tell me about them either! Why do I—”
“I didn’t tell you because I hadn’t kept it a secret! You—” he catches himself raising his voice to match Remus’ quiet angry tone and rubs a hand over his face, this is exactly what Ursa warned him would happen “Hold on,” he pauses Remus' own anger and asks the waiter for a pen. Remus’ arguments fall to deaf ears. Sirius ignores him in exchange of frantically scribbling down on his napkin
“Can you stop writing and listen to me?!” he flaps a hand in front of Sirius eyes and Sirius balls up his paper
“Can I borrow this?” Remus gives up on arguing then. He tosses him his napkin over, too resigned and exasperated to even be angry anymore. He sits back with a frown and watches him. Sirius stares at his frantic scribbles and crumbles it up in his hand. He rubs his face and sits back with a sigh “Alright fine, it’s hypocritical and I don't have any right or actual logic to feeling that way, okay?” he glares at the paper ball because even if that’s the way his mind argues with himself, seeing it written down he can tell he’s being irrational “But I still feel that way, okay? I’m sorry” Remus gaze softens and all the anger and exasperation melts away
“Don’t apologize sweetheart,” he takes his hand in his again and kisses his knuckles “I’m sorry I made you feel that way”
“It’s not your fault” he offers him a wavy smile
“Maybe we could try something we’ve never physically done with anyone else, do you think that might help you stop feeling that way?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, we don’t have to figure it out right now”
“I don’t think there’s anything I wouldn’t be open to try with you”
“Anything, huh?”
“Remus Lupin!” he blushes and Moony winks at him with a brilliant smile.
“I’ve never been on a date before, does that count?”
“It does” He hooks his ankle with his under the table “For now”
“Oh, you have something else in mind?”
“Everything” he tells him with a wolfish grin and it’s a promise
“Everything,” Remus echoes “so long as it’s with you”
“That’s so corny Moony”
“Hey,” he gently kicks his shin under the table before wrapping his leg around it again “you said it first” he says and Sirius beams proudly “you’re the first one to make me sappy and corny, does that count as well?”
“The things you say to me Remus” Sirius purs and pulls him into a kiss “honestly, how do you expect me to keep breathing?”
“I love you so much I even like it when you’re corny” Sirius tilts his head back in laughter but he’s still staring at remus, he’s always staring at the moon, he can’t ever drag his eyes away from it
“Then why don’t we go put the moon in the man?”
“The saying is put the man in the moon”
“Both still apply” Sirius shrugs and Remus kisses him
“Okay, one last kiss” James insists, pulling his boyfriend back into his arms on the bed. Regulus pretends to be bothered by it but not even his face lets him play the part, betraying him with a goofy, enamoured smile
“Did you already send your letter out to your parents?” he adds one extra kiss
“Not yet, I’m gonna after breakfast”
“Can you send mine with yours? I left it in Pandora’s dorm but—” James cuts him off with a kiss before Regulus gets a chance to justify his request
“Yes.” he smiles into the next kiss "I have divination last period, I'll just go to the owlery then, you can give it to me whenever"
"I can give it to you whenever?" He asks in a low voice with a smug smile tugging on his lips
"Mhmm" James nods "whenever, wherever you want" he kisses him gently and Regulus opens his mouth to deepen the kiss immediately. James grinds closer to him and Regulus pulls back with a devilish smirk
"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day" he slips away from his bed tugging on his pants
"What if I want meat for breakfast?" He props himself up on his elbows and let's his eyes travel him up and down and then linger down.
"Don't look at Regulus scrawny ass then" Barty ruins their lovely little intimate moment and Regulus runs him off the dorm with stinging hexes and threats of vanishing his little friend again.
"I think your ass is very sexy by the way, just thought you should know" James wraps him up in his arms and Regulus beams up at him
"Yeah?"
"Mhmm, the sexiest" he kisses him leisurely “just like the rest of you”
"Good for you, but I’d rather I didn't know" Evan reminds them of his inconvenient presence as he fishes under his bed for his shoe before he remembers he’s a wizard and he can just simply summon it to his hand.
The door open, Ursa walks in and throws herself on Evan's bed "tell professor Sprout I died, I spent all of last night comforting Amy, my brain is liquified"
"What do you want for breakfast?" Evan leans against the poster of his bed
"Cheeseburger" she grumbles onto her pillow
"Are you alright?" James frowns at her, adjusting his glasses
"Huh?" She frowns at the extra face in the room "Oh, it's Tuesday" Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday James and Regulus —or how Mary insists on calling them, jegulus— sleep in Reggie's bed, Sundays are a toss up. She drops her head back on the pillow.
"Oh, Reg, do you remember what today's class is about? I forgot to revise, I was too busy studying for transfiguration"
"Mandrakes"
"Oh, those were super important in our OWLS last year" his eyes drift over to Ursa, already drifting off on the bed, she’ll definitely not want to miss something that’ll take up a big chunk of her grade
"It's fine James," Evan assures him "she doesn't care about OWLS"
"What? But she's always studying"
"Yeah, because she's a nerd, not because she wants good grades. God forbid peopleactually know she's bloody brilliant"
"Not people," she grumbles through closed eyes "our parents and potential suitors. It's easier if they underestimate you"
"I thought Evan was your 'suitor'" he frowns her way but she's done answering, simply slipping off into dreamland
“Hold on, Pete, I gotta head to the owlery real quick to send the letters for my parents"
"Alright, but be quick, it's cold in here" Peter tells him as they climb the stone stairs, he’s always been shit at doing warming spells
"Did you tell your mum we said thank you for her brownies? Do you think I should send her a letter as well?"
"It's fine James, you don't have to—" Peter freezes when they reach the top and find that they're not alone. There’s a girl petting a brown owl. Of course that girl is Ursa, that’s just his luck.
"Oh, hey, James!" She turns to them with a smile "Can I please borrow your owl?"
"No" Peter huffs "he's about to send it out to his parents"
"Can I borrow yours then?" She ignores his attitude "Sirius' birthday's coming up, I wanted to get him a present"
"Oh, what do you want to get for him?"
"If I don't tell you, you don't have to keep the secret from Sirius" she says with a conspiratory smile
"Good idea." James falls right into the palm of her hand and Peter rolls his eyes
"You're not borrowing my owl, I like it alive" she visibly flinches at the reminder and he winces, that was too harsh, even if it was targetted at her
"You can borrow Dumpty when she comes back" James shatters the silence
"Thank you" she says quietly and looks back at the brown owl, it kind of looks like hers did. She reaches her hand to it, like she's going to pet her but then thinks better and pulls her hand back "I'll see you around" she nods to James and disappears down the stairs with her smile gone
"Pete! What the hell?!" James stage whispers once they’re alone "you don't just remind people of highly traumatic situations they've been through!"
"I know,” he groans “it just slipped out"
"What she did doesn't give you a pass to do whatever you want to her for the rest of your life. If you want to retaliate then fine, we'll prank her or something, but this is worse than what she did to you. Her mother –her own mother– poisoned her own owl to punish her and she had to put her down with her bare hands in front of everyone and you just reminded her of that horrible, traumatic experience in a room where she's obviously already being reminded of it! Someone being awful doesn't give you free reign to be an evil person to them, it still counts as a part of who you are, it still counts as being terrible and malicious"
"Oh, look who's talking! Does Snivellus ring any bells?!" Peter spits at him. He's done with being called an asshole just because of how he treats Satan’s offspring who’s surpassed its progenitor before she’s even of legal age.
"He is exactly the reason why I know this!" James tells him “I’ve made that mistake, and that is why I’m warning you not to make it”
Peter wants to argue but knows he'll only come out looking worse. He’s found himself in this exact situation a lot lately. All because of her. He has a new-found sense of respect for Sirius who has been going through it since he was a toddler. Although its frequency makes him wonder if maybe James is right. “I’ll think about it, okay?”
“I just— that’s never been who you are. Not even with Snive— Snape. I don’t want you to lose yourself”
He’s always strived to be worthy of James’ friendship and respect. Ursa has turned him into someone who isn’t. He let her turn him into it. What’s worse is James is right, he played a part in it.
He still hates her.
He still wishes nothing but ill things for her.
But he won’t play a part in it.
Not anymore.
If she were anyone else he’d rile the marauders and pull a legendary prank on her, for a feeling of closure, but Sirius warned him not to and he’s learnt not to ignore his warnings when it comes to Ursa, no matter how deranged they sound, so this is it. This will have to be it.
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s who I want to be either”
“Wanna do a few laps around the pitch? it always helps clear my mind” James drapes an arm around his shoulder
“Oh, we’re such different people”
“You’re right, I’d offer a round of chess but we both know I suck” they chuckle the way they’ve done since they were little kids and Peter already feels better than he has in weeks