Relief

Harry shifted uncomfortably as he removed his maroon Gryffindor hoodie. 

Remus stood open mouthed at the hundreds of cuts on the boy's pale arm. Silvery white scars, layered with pink, and angry red wounds still dripping with blood. So many were too close to vital veins and Lupin cringed when he thought of what could have happened. This had to have been going on for years! It almost took him a moment to notice the bruising. Harry's back faced the headboard, but his bruised ribs were in full view and it looked as though it trailed all the way to his back.

"Harry-" Lupin stuttered.

"No, stop. Do not do that. Do not give me a speech. Just leave me alone!" Harry cried, shaking on the old bed. "I'm fine!"

"Harry, you are absolutely not fine, and you know we cannot leave you alone. Not now, not like this." Lupin said wearily.

Harry had begun to pick at his own hand, scratching as a small pool of blood arose. He knew that Lupin and Sirius were both watching, but he was so desperate for the sting. The sting of his own fingernails deeply into his dry, already crackly hands.

Harry felt so empty. It was like a small fly was swarming around inside his void of flesh hitting against the window of his skin. The sensation of physical pain filled the emotional void, and then the fly would stop. The fly would be free. Until Harry let himself become weak again. It was nearly impossible to worry about anything when the warm crimson was slipping down his hands. His breathing became steady, heart rate slowing down, when all his progress was ended. 

Sirius reached out to Harry and forced his fingers around his, so that they were holding hands.

"Harry, I know that you feel like this is the only way, but I promise you, it's absolutely not"

"You don't understand! No one understands. I've tried everything! Nothing feels the way this does."

"We don't have to talk about it right now, but I do need you to give me whatever you are doing this with," Remus muttered quietly, but sternly. Sirius cringed, diverting his eyes out the window above Harry's trunk that was slightly ajar. 

Harry nodded numbly and unstuck his sweaty, lanky body from the bed and made his way towards the bathroom. He wasn't too worried, they surely wouldn't take his wand as well. Remus followed a few steps behind to keep an eye on him.

Harry looked back into his room to see Sirus now sat with his head between his knees.

Upon reaching the bathroom Harry dropped to his knees and pulled back the loose tile. Remus watched silently from the doorway with a sad expression. He held out his hand and Harry reluctantly dropped the blade in carefully.

"Thank you Harry, I know how hard that must have been," Remus suddenly spoke.

With a quick wave of his wand, the blade disappeared from the professor's hand and Harry gulped.

"Harry, may I clean up your arms," Remus spoke again.

Harry expected Remus to again briefly wave his wand, but instead he knelt and pulled out a first aid kit.

"Professor, couldn't you just heal them magically?" Harry started, but was quickly interrupted.

"Whenever I used to relapse, your godfather would tend to me the muggle way. He always said it was the least he could do. If he couldn't fix the emotional pain, he'd at least tend to me physically to make me feel better. While I always hated the fuss, it seemed to make him feel useful and I understand that now being in his position. You need someone to care for you in the way you so so deserve Harry. Please let me tend to you."

Harry was too stunned to speak(slay tiktok reference) and sat quietly as Remus wet a small rag and walked back over to him. Remus ran the faucet and ran an old rag under it. He looked back at Harry.

"Why don't come sit up on the counter?" Remus asked. Harry nodded quietly and dragged his tired body up and onto the vanity.

He first removed Harry's poorly wrapped bandages and vanished them. He then rubbed the rag along both of Harry's arms leaving the light colored rag an angry red, and rinsed it back out in the sink. The water turned a light pink that was all too beautiful to have come from something so angry. Harry flinched when the alcohol wipes touched the fresh wounds and Remus muttered an apology, and quickly applied a muggle ointment that soothed the burning sensation. Finishing with a tightly wrapped gauze pad, Remus looked back up into Harry's eyes. He tilted Harry's held and brought it close to him, giving him a small peck on the forehead. 

"Harry, I think you should go back to bed, it is still quite early," Harry nodded, but the guilt crept through him, it had only been his first night and his secret was already revealed despite his efforts. He had woken up the two people who had so generously been there for him the past two years. "I'll get you a cup of water and some aspirin, but you can head back to your room now. I'm sure Sirius is still in there, my apologies but I do not think I will have any success in having him leave your room tonight."