Broken Mirror

xoXOXox

Draco looked around at the occupants in the room. What a difference just a few months had made in their dynamic. Where before the four Slytherins were piled close together on one couch and the Gryffindors on the other, now they were intermingled like a perfectly decorated Yule tree. It was both odd and oddly satisfying to see. 

Ron and Pansy were cuddled, as was their usual arrangement in the common room now. Both sat at one corner of a couch, Pansy in Ron’s lap, leaned against his chest, legs thrown over Ron’s and feet resting against Harry’s outstretched leg. He, in turn, leaned back to chest against Potter, fiddling with the other wizard’s fingers which always seemed to keep him mesmerized. Blaise and Theo were on the other couch, both trying to look as if they were not utterly distracted being side by side. 

Draco couldn’t help but grin at them. 

Theo was sitting in the corner, back straight, eyes still constantly flitting about the room. Blaise was leaning back into the cushions, arm around the back of the couch, hand lightly grazing Theo’s shoulder with the same bored look he always wore. The give away was their other two hands. While Theo had one of his laying tensely on the arm of the couch, the other was planted quite firmly on Blaise’s knee, fingers gripping slightly. Blaise mirrored the placement on Theo’s knee, though his fingers kept gently sliding along Theo’s trousers. Draco could only assume it was an attempt to sooth and keep the other wizard calm.

Then there was Granger. Hermione, he corrected himself mentally. His new magic sibling. She sat alone in one of the chairs, knees drawn up and tilted against the arm of it, posture upright but relaxed. They all worried that the sudden coupling off would leave her feeling left out and alone but she seemed perfectly content in her own personal space. He could only imagine after months of being in pain and having to rely on Harry and Ron to keep her put together mentally and physically, that being able to just sit in her own mind and body and not feel like she was coming apart at the seams was probably a release almost as euphoric as what the rest of them had found in each other.

The other chair in the circle was occupied by his Godfather. Draco took him in again, noting the sheen of health in his hair, the slight touch of sun to his skin, and the way his shoulders seemed to fall into contentment instead of being tight and drawn in expectation of danger. It was nice to see him, like the rest of them, so utterly relaxed. 

As usual, the man had a book in his hand, same as Hermione, and was intensely lost in the story. He couldn’t read the title of it, magic making it blur anytime anyone tried to decipher the letters, but he guessed it had to be an interesting read with the way Severus’ eyes flew over the words and how quickly the pages turned. Moving his eyes to Hermione, he snorted as he watched the same intensity and quick page turning happening there as well. Peas from the same pod, those two.

The light taps on the door had everyone’s attention snapping to focus as their new mind healer, Dr. Solara Quinn, came through with her usual soft smile and attentive gaze. After the first two sessions, everyone agreed she was a superior choice from the last toad that had come, and all had started to slowly open up to her and talk about their thoughts and issues. Between their group therapy sessions, their individual therapy, and their solo ‘couples’ time, or in Hermione’s case, alone reading time, they were all slowly starting to find a path to something better.

Not healed. Not back to who they were before. That would never happen. All of them had their own nightmares, their own scars and pain from the war. None of them would ever be the same person again. But Draco knew if they continued to push, to try, they would all find who they were now in the aftermath, and he couldn’t wait to see what shape everyone took in the end.

“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. I hope you all were able to get a decent night’s sleep.”

Taking a seat, Dr. Quinn set down her bag and took up her notebook and pen. One of the many things that made them feel better with her. She was a half-blood who had been raised in the muggle world. There were no expectations for behavior from her that would have been evident in a pureblood, and she had training not only in magical mind healing but in muggle therapy as well. Something that made her infinitely better at her job.

“Shall we begin there today? Anyone have trouble sleeping or wish to share how the evening went?”

His Godfather snorted as Hermione turned and grinned at him in that odd mischievous way they seemed to look at each other now. If he didn’t know his Godfather better, he would think those two were getting some ‘couples’ therapy with each other when the rest of them fucked off to their rooms. Surprisingly, it was Theo who spoke first. He was still the rarest one to share.

“I slept like shit.”

Everyone turned their attention to him as he rubbed his free hand along the fabric of the couch, nails digging in to find purchase when, Draco knew, his mind sometimes couldn’t.

“That is to be expected. Would you like to tell us why?”

As usual, Dr. Quinn didn’t give platitudes or apologies. Draco really liked her for that. It never helped when someone said ‘Oh, I’m sorry to hear that’ or ‘It will get better with time’. They already knew that and none of them needed to hear it. It always seemed so false, like telling a small child their scraped knee would heal in a few days.

Theo swallowed, obviously resisting the words, before he seemed to give up and let go.

“I dreamed about my father again. Nothing new there. Only this time, he…”

Another dry swallow that seemed almost painful. Blaise’s bored expression melted away to one of compassion as he pulled Theo from leaning on the arm so that he was leaning into his side instead. Draco watched Theo stiffen for a second before he all but melted into the embrace, free hand moving to grip Blaise’s shirt as he turned his face into the other wizard’s chest. The vulnerability in the position brought tears to Draco’s eyes even as Harry’s arms tightened around him as if he knew his insides were trying to spill out.

“He had Blaise. He found out about us and he said… he… if he couldn’t cure me of my disgusting abnormality, then he would just eliminate the temptation. I was chained down and I couldn’t stop him. I screamed and I fought and… I couldn’t stop him!”

Tears pooled and fell along the wizard’s cheeks as Blaise pulled him even closer, both arms holding him tight as one hand gripped his side and the other buried itself in Theo’s hair.

“I know he’s dead. I know he can’t do anything to us anymore but it’s like my mind can’t connect with the rest of me and believe that. Like he, or someone like him, is going to just rise up like a dementor and take away the only thing I have ever had that was mine, that made me feel safe.”

Draco glanced around the room to see everyone had tears in their eyes or down their cheeks. Everyone except for Gra… Hermione. She didn’t look sad. She looked angry. Beyond angry. She looked downright pissed off and dangerous. Draco shivered slightly.

“After everything you have been through in your young life, Mr. Nott, that is not only understandable but expected. You have finally allowed something, someone, into your life that is worth losing. Someone that you could lose. Though we have found you have faced most of what personally happened to you and been able to come to terms with it enough to continue one foot in front of the other, now there is someone else involved. You know I won’t lie and say it will end. It may never. You may always have moments where that darkness creeps up on you and tries to suffocate you. Tell me, did you wake on your own? Did Mr. Zabini wake you? Did you do your breathing and grounding exercises once awake?”

Draco pulled his eyes from the burning ones of the Gryffindor Princess and looked back to Theo. The poor bloke was even paler than usual, eyes red rimmed as he tried to stem the tears.

“Blaise woke me up. I fucking shocked him with magic, again, because I have no fucking control of my actions apparently. And yes, Blaise helped me through both exercises, and I did manage to get a few more hours of sleep before we had to be up to meet with you.”

Dr. Quinn nodded, making a few notations on her paper before crossing her legs and leaning to rest her elbows on her knee, hands crossed wrist over wrist.

“First, that is good that you were able to pull the panic in and to fall back asleep. That is progress, Mr. Nott. I know it doesn’t feel like it but I assure you, it is. Second, you are not the only wizard to have their magic flare when waking from such a terrifying dream. I assure you, I, myself, have zapped my poor husband a time or two after being woken from one. Did you let any damage linger?”

Theo’s gaze snapped to her, head shaking so fast Draco worried from his brain.

“No! Never! I healed the burn as soon as I was mentally aware enough to do it.”

Blaise chuckled, lips pressing gently to Theo’s forehead.

“He healed me even before his panic attack was fully over. As my lovely Theodore knows, I’m too pretty to leave marked up.”

Theo half-heartedly glared up at Blaise before the adoring look in Blaise’s eyes pulled a small, shy smile to the wizard’s lips.

“Prat.”

Blaise leaned down, rubbing his nose to Theo’s as his smile grew.

“Ah, but I am your prat, am I not mon coeur?”

Draco had to hide the smile that formed on his lips as Theo’s cheeks flushed and he buried his face once more in the Italian’s chest, mumbling ‘yesss’ as he did. Pansy giggled as she snuggled closer to Ron. He could feel Harry’s silent chuckle where their bodies touched back to chest. Even his Godfather allowed one side of his lips to tick up slightly in a smirk. 

“Well then, I think that is proof enough that you are moving forward nicely with your progress. Well done.”

She looked around the room at the rest of them, not pushing but as always, letting them come to her.

“Dr. Quinn?”

Hermione’s voice was low but still pulled everyone’s attention to her as she fidgeted with her fingers.

“Yes, Miss Granger.”

Hermione seemed to take a slow, even breath before she looked up. Draco could see the worry in her eyes, and he knew Harry did as well when both he and Ron shifted slightly in place as if they were going to move to her side if she gave them any indication she needed them.

“You said in our solo sessions that my darker thoughts might be something I always have now and that it was perfectly okay to have them, to even acknowledge them.”

Dr. Quinn nodded, keeping quiet as she waited to see where this was going.

“If I had one, a really bad one, and knew I would follow through with it…”

Hermione bit her lip, hands twisting and gripping each other, making her skin turn pink with the force of it. Draco began to shift off of Harry just as Pansy did, already knowing their partners were going to need to go to her side any minute now. Hermione noticed and gave them both a slight shake of her head, lips tipping into a smile of love and gratitude as her two best friends tried to relax back into their places.

“...is that where the line between normal trauma response and unhealthy trauma response would be drawn?”

Dr. Quinn set her pad and pen down, turning to face Hermione fully.

“That would probably depend on the thought, the reason for it, and if you think the amount of aggression building in your chest is warranted. If you wish to tell us what the thought was, I could try to work you through it. Or we can wait until our solo session later this afternoon.”

Hermione’s gaze dropped to her lap before it skipped up to Dr. Quinn, over to Theo and Blaise and then back down to her lap. A moment passed before both Theo and Blaise sat up from their slumped and cuddled position, both of them looking as if they too were about to move to her side.

“Granger? You okay, Princess?”

Blaise’s smooth voice flowed into the oppressive silence like a warm spring day and Draco could swear some of the tension in the room receded. Hermione looked up at him, her eyes lingering on his face before they turned to Theo and that same dangerous glint pooled in their chocolate depths.

“It won’t happen.”

Though he was utterly confused, he was happy to know it wasn’t just him as Blaise asked the question that popped into his mind.

“What won’t happen?”

Hermione bit her lip before huffing in annoyance with an uttered ’fuck it’ under her breath.

“Theo’s dream. It won’t ever happen.”

He knew his eyes widened from the amount of conviction and power that rolled through her voice with her declaration and caught the look of surprise in Blaise’s and shock in Theo’s before Theo’s stuttered question came.

“H.. how.. how do you know that?”

Hermione’s hands stilled, her entire body straightening as she answered.

“I’d kill anyone who tried to take him away from you. So that dream is never ever going to happen.”

The room seemed to grow unnaturally still as not Ron or Harry, but his godfather moved to kneel beside her.

“Miss Granger, your magic doesn’t feel unstable or agitated. But just in case, do we need to have another dueling session?”

She turned only her head to look at him, shaking it just once in denial.

“No, sir. I am not speaking from that part of me. This is just me talking. He is happy.”

She gestured around the room.

“They are all happy. None of us have really had that since the end of fourth year. We have all been fucked over enough in this life. I helped them stop being prats about it. I helped them break that first wall down. And they are perfect together. I don’t care how dark it makes me sound, how morally wrong it is to say it. If someone tries to hurt Theo or Blaise, or anyone in this room, tries to steal their joy now that they finally have it, I will not hesitate to end them.”

She bites her lip as her gaze drops back to her lap. Severus looks over at Dr. Quinn who seems to be contemplating her answer. A minute passes before their healer finally speaks.

“That is not only an acceptable way to feel, Miss Granger, but is actually quite normal. Even if you take away what you have all been through, people feel that way about loved ones all the time. A father or mother can and at times will become violent, even when it is not in their nature, to protect their child or children. Husbands and wives have been known to do the same for each other. Fight or flight is a very instinctive and natural thought process and if pushed into a corner, or in this case into what is obviously one of Theo’s worst fears, it makes perfect sense that you would react in such a way. You care for them, for everyone in this room, and your experiences mean that you are more likely to fight than to fly.”

Reaching out to take one of Hermione’s hands in hers, Dr. Quinn waits until the witch meets her eyes before continuing with a smile.

“Are you going to go out and avada anyone who is a possible threat before they do anything wrong?”

Hermione shakes her head, eyes going wide in shock.

“No! Of course not.”

Dr. Quinn nods.

“Are you going to hurt someone over a simple disagreement or argument or difference of opinion or life views?”

Once again, Hermione shakes her head in the negative.

“But if someone were to truly and physically harm one of your friends? If their life was in imminent danger?”

Again, that fire stole into the Gryffindor’s gaze.

“I’d end them brutally without a second thought.”

Another nod as Dr. Quinn squeezed Hermione’s hand before sitting back in her chair. 

“That may not have been normal for you when you were younger. But you have lost a lot in such a short time. You have fought a war to save yourself, your friends, and all the innocent witches and wizards that could not or would not defend themselves. Those whose flight was more prominent than their fight. You have been tormented, made to go on the run, been starving and dirty and cold. You were tortured with some of the darkest magic in our world. I am not at all surprised that you have no issue feeling, thinking, or voicing your need to protect those you consider important to you.”

Hermione’s breath leaves her in a relieved exhale as she slumps back into her chair and pulls her knees to her chest. Draco watches Severus pat one of her hands in a show of understanding before taking his seat as well. Knowing if he doesn’t say it, it will eat him alive, Draco leans up and clears his throat.

“You aren’t the only one, Hermione. I was a coward during the war. I never stood up to any of them. I never even tried to rebel against what they wanted me to do. Thanks to you and your friends. You and Ron and Harry, Longbottom and Lovegood and every other member of Dumbledore’s army. You are the reason we lived. You are the reason we are here instead of in Azkaban. I will never just stand by and watch that shit again. You are not alone in that regard, I promise you.”

Hermione gives him a soft smile as the rest of the room gives their agreement. They may be scarred and broken, hurting and healing. The one thing none of them were anymore, especially his Slytherin companions, were puppets in someone else’s fucked up play. Draco knew he would die before he just stood there and let someone hurt anyone he loved again. And he was starting to see he had a lot more people he could love now than he ever thought possible.

xoXOXox