LXXIX
!TW! - Blood, kidnapping and non-sexual abuse of a minor, severe mental health distress
I withdrew, reducing myself to a shell of a human to avoid addressing the numbness. I only bathed and ate when absolutely essential, rescinded any form of interaction outside of what was expected of me. I followed orders, nothing less, nothing more.
Days dawned and drew to night repeatedly making it merge into one long, exhausting day. The smell of death kept filling every corner of the manor, turning the fog that lingered above the coving and its gargoyle's thickened with the souls and spirits of the people murdered, butchered and massacred here.
It's what fed the symptoms while I remained deep in transients states of hallucination and mania. The depression part somehow winding itself into all of the different moods. I'd even become delirious at one point, talking with my reflection for hours on end as it answered me each time, usually with brutal truths or delusions so far fetched that it was easier to not question them.
"Cruelty is in your blood Draco, that's precisely what makes it so pure. Unleash it!" The reflection would mock. "You're not even human anymore, you're a shadow with a pulse. Whatever was left inside now festers in the memories of the people who abandoned you and left you behind."
"Shut up," I told it sternly, wiping the whiskey stains from my lips. But it never shut up, the me in the mirror held no mercy for anything, not even I. "Shut up! Shut up!" I kept banging with my fist, just hoping that the glass would shatter and expel the demonic rage. "Shut the fuck up! You're not real! Go away!!"
A small systematic onslaught against goblins and elves is what triggered mass hysteria today, it was one of many genocidal events that would happen at Malfoy Manor; more about that later.Β
Blood clotted around my feet, sticking to the soles of my shoes and staining my mind. Aunt Bella thoroughly enjoyed herself, shrieking and taunting the entire time. Her moving in is undoubtedly the straw that is bound to break the camels back. Father hasn't the gall to impose rules upon his sister in law, because she simply lives by none. Not that it would matter now anyway, the family unit had all but collapsed in on itself; and even my parents had resigned themselves to the sickening fate that awaits us at the end of this war. They could no longer protect themselves, never mind me.
Β We did not celebrate Christmas either, not so much as a string of tinsel or a hot chocolate. Naturally I gravitated toward the alcohol I continued to steal from the pantry, and the Morphine from the emergency potion stores deep in one of the many rooms that house morally questionable objects, artefacts and miscellaneous fodder.
Zabini got his first mission too. Retrieve a pocket watch from Madame Mulkin's. And he did it, and did it well. Wands were stolen from Olivander's too, the whole place set alight and now he remains a prisoner in the cellars beneath the grounds; he's been there quite a while now. I wish I could care, but I'd forgotten how to. Diagon Alley is now nothing but a mortuary full of decay, nobody would have a need for it once the war is won and life is transferred from being a culture.. to just being a cult.
And I suppose you're thinking 'well it can't get any worse.' Wrong. The rabbit hole is deeper than the Mariana trench.
But now, a group of us find ourselves summoned to the biggest room in the Manor. Cigar smoke and damp had claimed the air, you could almost taste it. And upon arrival I tried to pull myself together as best that I could, but it didn't take long to realise that there were no adults present in our line up. We were all between the ages of 15-19, with no guardians nearby, just higher ranking death eaters formed in a line opposite and identical to ours.Β
They all wore masks bar a few, whereas we did not. It felt like all of us were about to be executed open fire style, and should that not suffice, Nagini had slithered into a coil to observe, ready to strike at anyone who dared to crawl away. "What's happening?" Astoria whispered, her voice shaking and trilling. "I don't know," I replied, just as shaky but never moving my eyesight from ahead. "Where's Blaise?"
"Up there," she said, tilting her jaw quickly to our right. "I heard awful sounds come from his room last night. Screaming and smashing."
"No, that was me spazzing out." As Tori turned her head to enact her confusion, we were caught by one of the faceless brigade who shot a swift stupefy at our feet to humble us. "Keep your traps shut! Or I'll shut them for you!"
Nobody was about to argue with a death eater and certainly not one that had placed aim straight at your face. So we just dropped our heads in submission, letting the time tick on before it all became a little clear why we were here.Β
More death eaters marched in. Instantly I recognised Greyback, and then the Carrows and then Aunt Bella and Rowle.
Dolohov would normally be here too but after the obliviation courtesy of Potter, Granger and Weasley just some weeks ago meant that he didn't even know what fucking century it is. And in each of their grasps were more students, or ex-students I should say, of the same age or even possibly younger by this point it was too hard to tell; perhaps they never had been students since I didn't recognise anyone.
They were quickly assigned to us, one of them on their knees at each of our feet.Β
"Remove the hexes," Greyback ordered, with the command being obeyed with Alecto's wand. And as the new recruitments regained their eyesight, the crying and begging began. Jilted fast by intermittent Silencio's until the subject was deemed calm enough to earn their voice back. "And bring in the blood!"
As soon as I heard the words, I knew why a congregation had been called.
Hasn't anyone ever told you how you get the dark mark? No?
Through snotty noses and tear ridden eyes, the look of realisation that crawled over their innocent little faces ignited a trauma in me I'd been anchoring down for a while.Β
"My arm hurts!" One of the kids whined, unable to understand the severity of the situation. Again he was silenced, forcing his cries back into his voice box. "Me too!" Said another kid.
Greyback shouted loud enough to make everyone's ears ring in discomfort. It had the intended effect and not one more noise was made; apart from a girl a few feet to my right knelt in front of someone I did not know nor recognised, but didn't want to be here as much as the rest of us. She cried and trembled viciously, seemingly ignoring the warnings. "Shut it you squirmy little weasels! Or I'll bite the lot of ya!"Β
Still the young girl would not give in, refusing to make eye contact with anybody present. Amycus Carrow took it upon himself to kick her from behind right in the small of her back, sending the young hostage forward; but it did not deter her from crying. Nothing could be shouted that would evoke so much as a flinch from her.Β
"Wait!" I called, just as three wands rose to take aim at the girl. "Let me try something before you do that?"
Fenrir snarled with his sharp teeth, stomping both feet forward to intimidate. "Try what?!" He scorned, patience wearing thin.
"Well will you let me try or no? Because if not then you can just kill her but I can't see the Dark Lord being too pleased to have lost a potentially valuable asset. Actually thinking about it now, since you're just blatantly kidnapping and abducting literal children, how can you be sure that she, or any of these others aren't the children of someone with major importance and influence?"
My eyes roamed and met Bellatrix's manic glare, knowing her greatest and sole fear being disappointing her amazing Dark Lord .
"Wasn't it Rowle who got confined to a cage last week, for foolishly taking flame to the home of the literal minister of magic? Well the one we didn't already kill that is. Minister Thicknesse, if I recall correctly?"
Instantly he became fidgety, and for good reason. The Dark Lord doesn't take kindly to mistakes, even though they affect him personally in no way; proving yourself competent enough on a daily basis is just part and parcel of what you sign up for, willingly or not.
Rowle nodded to the others, including Greyback as an acknowledgement that I wasn't lying. Letting them know that the punishment was not worth the risk. Rowle then strode to me, yanking my shoulder by the fabric before marching me down the line up and toward the girl still sobbing her heart out.
I bent into a crouch slowly, establishing stern eye contact. It had everyone on pins, unneeded however, since the very second I began to move my hands and sign to her, she perked up brightly, nodding through the messy hair stuck to her face and leaving every other person still baffled but oddly intrigued.
"Are you deaf? Is that why you don't understand what instructions you've been given?" I signed. Yes, she nodded back, rubbing at her sore arm. Then she continued to sign back. "Are they going to kill us? I'm so confused, and scared. I only wanted to go to Hogsmeade to Puddifoot's so I could have warm tea and do some revising away from my dorm mates."
"Hogsmeade? They took you from Hogsmeade?" I signed. Of course, school, the missing the whole Christmas holiday debacle had completely frazzled my sense of time. "How old are you?"
"Thirteen," she signed. My eyes sprung open and dread crawled down my throat, they are actively taking people from their homes and even from Hogwarts now. "Blood status?"
"Muggleborn," she continued with her hands, raising the stakes to a critical level. I kept turning to make sure that nobody else here had somehow miraculously figured out British Sign Language; bit of a silly notion since it requires some level of intelligence to master and between the handful of the death eaters accompanying us now, their intelligence combined still wouldn't be enough to figure out their times tables.
I shook my head no, trying to move my hands quick enough to make the warning as I heard footsteps thudding close behind me.Β
"Do not, and I mean it, do not tell anybody else here of your blood status if they don't yet know. And most importantly, just do as they say, okay? I know you're frightened, because we all are. But you will survive if you just obey. I will translate for you if and when I can, but keep it to a minimum. These people have no patience."
The hate I used to have for mudbloods no longer existed, it was buried, I knew because I wanted nothing more than to release this young girl to safety, along with every other prisoner. It didn't even cross my mind to negotiate the morals of it based on blood purity anymore.
Again I was tugged up by my collar and dragged back to my original spot.Β It gave me a broader view and instantly I noticed something was up with Aunt Bella.
She wasn't acting as unhinged and loud as usual and was wearing a cloak at least five sizes too big for her usually slim figure.
What was more intriguing was the way she wretched and heaved when the giant hollowed out goblet of black coloured blood was brought into us, turning her pale skin ashy.
It was thick like tar or molasses. It was the blood of The Dark Lord himself.
"I can't do it," she mumbled through gags, waving it away from her erratically; but soon became spiteful and cruel again as she demanded that the others adhere to her needs. And so several smaller chalices were dipped and filled with the blood, and the sconces fixed to the wall flickered a dark viridian. Usually it's her favourite task, but today she would only oversee this whole process due to an unforeseen aversion. "Begin the ceremony!!"
The screams of young children with ink crawling over their skin, burrowing painfully between the layers and rolling until it became the shaped form of a dark mark is something I'll never be able to explain in any human language. Maybe akin to a wounded gosling that got snagged in fishing wire. Then Greyback sauntered down the line-up one by one, handing each of us chalices, ordered to be the ones to administer the initiating liquid.
You need misery to create it, and there wasn't anyone more miserable than us.. the new younger generation of death eaters. They ensure the cycle just continues, over and over, sucking the life out of everything and everyone. That was their power.
A piercing howl coaxed me from my thoughts again forcing me to be aware that I, and the poor soul in front of me are next. The kid beside us melted to the floor in pain, rocking and full of tears, just coughing through the metallic taste that lingers in your mouth for days afterwards.
And then, it was us.Β
Rounded eyes and scruffy hair, the lad looked exactly like I did when it had been me in his position. He has brown hair and a narrow face, not at all similar in a literal sense, apart from the look of utter dread. And the begging did not need to be heard, because it was spilling from his eyes, terror crystallised in the Hazel rings. His small hands twitched, sweat beads dancing down his brow. "Please don't," he begged as a whisper. "I wanna go home. I want my mum."
Me too dude. Me too.
"What are you waiting for?" That god awful voice snapped inside of my head and all around me again. The one that sounds just like me but evil and demonic. The one that had been berating me for weeks and weeks, restless and hungry for some vengeance. "Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!"
I wound up frightening the kid even more but to argue back with it seemed the least fucked up thing to do. It piqued the interest of my Aunt who I witnessed for the first time in history look concerned by my behaviour. But at the time, delusion sought to extinguish any rationality. "Why are you still holding back, huh? Wake up and remember who the fuck you are. Be the villain or be the victim, the choice is yours. It's all your choice."
"That doesn't sound even remotely close to a choice," I argued back, soaked in clamminess and completely out of touch with my surroundings. "They're just kids? Like I was.."
"And who was there to help you? Nobody, nobody saved you Draco Malfoy. Not even your own friends and family care enough to ensure you don't have to do these kinds of things. Make a point, make them pay, make them sorry for ever doubting you."
I could not blink the hallucination away, nor shrug it off my shoulders, and there is definitely is no counter-potion for real psychosis.
But then the Dark Lord trailed in, fresh from the latest hunt and crazed as ever. Although my Aunt squeaked in joy and rushed to him, he'd not notice. It's what returned my sense of sound, it reminded me instantly of the task I had still not completed waiting for me. "I'm sorry, but I have to."
The child kicked and wailed and tried to thrash away, earning laughs and heckles from all directions; some even clapped.
I even got my fingers bitten a few times as they dared to wrench open the boy's lips and force that blood down his throat. Some spilt over both him and I. He fought and fought valiantly, his slight frame no match for mine
And eventually I got the goblet to his lips without sustaining an injury in defence, then the blood onto his tongue and restrained him, pinching his nose shut until he had no choice but to swallow in order to breathe.Β
It ground the shattered pieces of my heart into dust. Tangling me in my own intestines.
And I melted to the floor too, breathless, shamed, sick and shaking only to watch Astoria as she followed her order, in hopes to avoid the same situation unfolding, and it did.
Right up until it got to Zabini.
The Dark Lord found great amusement in Blaise's hesitation, poising his wand ready for duel or death. But even for him, that's a last resort, he'll go the manipulation route first to keep the army numbers up. Those that are exterminated are the true lost causes, put out of their misery like lame farm animals.
"Rest assured, the consequences for defying me will be severe. I recommend doing as you are told." Voldemort's threat did little to move Blaise emotionally, his face stone still like a mannequin, not even looking at the person knelt and waiting for their dose.Β With bated breath, we were joined again by another figure that when unveiled became all too familiar.
We were joined by Professor Snape; catching everyone's attention. His cloak dragged heavily against the lacquered floor. Yet nothing was said, he too just awaited on Zabini to do as he'd been told.
One minute felt like an hour.Β
And after an ominous silence, it was broken by Blaise slowly pouring the chalice full of blood out and onto the floor beside him. It splattered and pooled around the initiate who seemed lulled by false hope.
And when he leant forward to come close to the death eater who had been assigned to oversee Zabini particularly, only one word left his lips.
"No."Β Β
Mere seconds later the room erupted into absolute anarchy, screaming, bright lights, people falling over other people, bangs and porcelain crashing as it was knocked from its standing place.
Blaise may as well have set a bomb off, because we'd have had a better chance at surviving a bomb. Before I knew it, I had my wand in one hand and the chalice in my other; striking the person with their hands around Zabini's neck on the temple.
The kids began to scatter, some clambering into room corners and some caught into a rigid hold again. Not one single person there that night wasn't panicked, even Snape as he moved to shield the Dark Lord like his life was important to some bigger plan.
A plan completely devolved from the one we'd been coerced into.
His face tightened and shoulders stiffened in the exact same way they had on the astronomy tower, and before that too, once I'd declared the vanishing cabinet as a successful repair. There was uncertainty in there somewhere.