XLVIII
"Okay so we need to get a plan together..." I muttered, pacing around the school with Myrtle like some sort of maniac. "Plan for what?"
"Well we can't just run in there like HELLO. She'll shit bricks!"
"She's seen ghosts before Malfoy, and much worse." Myrtle's blasΓ© attitude to the whole thing was unnerving, it's fine for her she's been visibly terrorising this place for decades. I on the the other hand have no experience of being dead whatsoever. "Uh, she can't see me. So If you randomly turn up out of the blue raving like a banshee then she's going to be confused and startled? Catch my drift?"
"I don't really see what the problem is. You tell me what to say, I say it, I leave?"
"I don't think you quite understand," I replied, catching Myrtle by the wrist to stall her to a stop. Which was rather weird, being able to actually touch her. "There's so much that was left unsaid, the last time she saw me was when I died and that was the first time in weeks and weeks. This is going to be hard, for us both. And it's only going to be able to happen because of you, so this isn't a casual encounter. Do you realise that? You are my bridge to the living world, one that I've never had until now."
The first glimmer of unease and doubt about what she had agreed to mediate showed on her face. It sent me into an immediate panic, I'm so fucking close to being able to do this and if it's snatched from me now I think I might just combust.
Her rounded brown eyes flickered behind those offensively large glasses as her posture slackened. "You're putting a heck of a lot of pressure on me Malfoy, and considering what you've done I'd say you're pretty fortunate I've even considered your existence."
"I know." My throat dried up, fingers tightening unconsciously on her wrist. "But this might be the only chance I get to tell her how I feel. And to tell her that I'm sorry."
Our silent stare down was interrupted by two young females who were startled by Myrtle's presence in the corridor, although it didn't last for long because they inevitably began to giggle and taunt her. "Ooooh moany Myrtle dares to emerge from her moany little bathroom..."
Even in the wake of everything, how people can find the energy to just be colossal dicks is astounding. But being able to observe such behaviour from a different point of view is both revolting and unprecedented. Everything seems so linear in death.
Good and bad. Black and white.
But for the living there are variables, caused by emotion, and in contrast... lack there of.
It visibly upset Myrtle, and yet still she shrugged it off because she was used to it.
"Ignore them, they're likely just projecting their negative emotions onto you. Something I'm well acquainted with. Trust me, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them."
"Yeah," she sighed back, a slight grin tickling the corner of her mouth to hide the blatant insecurity underneath. "Doesn't bother me anymore. Let's just get this over with before I change my mind."
I nodded, allowing Myrtle to make a little ground ahead of me whilst searching out y/n. The great hall was emptying when we checked there, only the older attendee's left behind drinking sparkling wine and nattering between themselves about what the future of Hogwarts might look like. The obvious assumption that she'd be in her dorms fell flat too. "Where is she then?"
"I'm not sure," I replied nervously. I wasn't used to not knowing where she was which when I really thought about it was a little odd. Yet it did fuck all to stifle my nerves on the matter. "I mean, she doesn't really roam off generally anymore so honestly I've not got a clue. Fuck, is it normal for ghosts to get paranoid and feel sickly?"
"No Malfoy."
"Oh yeah great, fantastic, you're really helping the situation Warren."
Her high pitched chuckle had began to grate on me. "Well then we need to find out. Her mental health is hanging on by a thread and if anything happens to her I swear to fuck I'll-"
"You'll what? What are you going to do from where you are?" Myrtle copped the side-eye, and snarky scowl. I mean she was right but still. She just stood there, and the twirling of her pigtails accompanied with my incessant tapping at my temples came up short on the grand epiphany front. "Where does she like to go when she's bored?"
"Maybe out to the thestrals but it's late and dark now and she's not that stupid, um... ooh showers, bathroom!"
"Alright, but will she not want privacy?" Myrtle humoured me. "As if you care about Privacy, come on!"
I pulled her into an off balance stomp with me back through the winding passageways once more, ignoring the turning heads and confused gawps at the fact Myrtle to them at least looked as though she was floating in some sort of misbehaved zigzag.
"Ignore everyone come on!" I hissed, noticing the turning heads. "I am!"
All of a sudden I had an entire body shudder, the type that comes out of nowhere and makes you feel like a zing had travelled right up your spine. The one that sort of feels good but takes you by surprise. "Did you feel that Warren?"
"No," she queered back. "Never mind."
Arriving at the girls bathroom, it was empty and we came up short handed yet again. That was when the panic truly set in. And me shouting her name fruitlessly garnered no response because only me and and Myrtle could hear it. "I'm scared," I admitted. "This isn't usual for her. Wait, it feels like my heart is pounding in my chest. Why can I feel that?! Why can I feel something in my chest?"
"I don't know Malfoy, but will you let go of me you're freaking me out?!" Tugging her arm away, she stepped back from me to make some distance between us. So I shook it off, noticing the chill in the air for the first time since I was alive. "Merlin, it's cold."
"Shall we try the prefects bathroom? She might just want a bath?"
"God, yeah! When did you get so smart?"
"I always have been you cheeky bastard, but if you think I'm running with you again you're more mental than you seem. I'm just going up through the walls. Sucks to be you."
And just like a ghost, pun intended, she swooped her way upwards and disappeared through the ceiling. "Why don't I get to do that shit," I muttered to myself with huff. Lest, I found myself treading around, up to the upper level. Arriving at the prefect's bathroom where Warren had slouched herself on the wall with a congratulatory smirk upon her smug little face. "Fuck off, get out of my way."
"After you," she gestured. I swear the girl wants me to choke her to death all over again. But my thoughts of anarchy were stolen away by the soft sounds of singing and humming. "Baby mine, don't you cry. Baby mine dry your eyes hmmmm, rest your head close to my heart, never apart baby of mine."
It was angelic, a nursery rhyme I had never ever heard before, perhaps a muggle type of hymn. But it was beautiful, and when I peered around the wall I saw y/n getting herself undressed, drawing soft circles across her protruding belly with a loving sort of smile.
Although her clavicles were slightly sunken and a few of her ribs showing, she wasn't as weak and as thin as I had first thought she'd become. And as the rest of her clothes dropped to pool around her ankles, she slowly stepped down into the concaved pit in the floor that was bubbled and warm. It's a strange sort of bathtub, the prefects one, but it's very comfy and spacious.
It was my favourite place to go when I needed peace and quiet when I was still alive.
A heavy and relaxing sigh escaped y/n as the warm water enveloped her body whole, soothing her aches and pains, washing away her anxiety and tension. To be able to take the weight off her feet must of been complete and absolute bliss.
"Okay Warren, she's covered," I waved over. What I hadn't expected is for her to breeze past me and straight into y/n's eyeline. Myrtle has zero chill. "Bloody Nora fuck and fortune! Myrtle! What are you doing?" Y/n gasped, dragging a flurry of bubbles up against her body. "Do you mind?!"
"Not at all! She chuckled, plonking herself brashly beside the lip of the tub and leaning into her upright palm of hand. "I have a message for you actually."
"Is it that you're a lesbian and a pervert?!"
I snorted, having to turn away to slap my hand over my mouth. Myrtle just glared back. "Go on then, what do you need to tell her?!"
"What the hell are you on about Myrtle?!" Y/n whispered, growing more self conscious by the minute as embarrassment painted itself over her cheeks. "Your boyfriend, fuck buddy whatever you wanna call him is here and he wants me to give you a message."
"Oh grow up Myrtle, you're not funny."
"He's right there!" She pointed sarcastically, slightly offended. "Literally stood there!"
"I see nothing. So I don't find you funny."
"Tell her I said nice tits Warren." Myrtle scowled but played along. "He said nice tits."
Y/n's face was narrowed now, arms crossed over her chest. "Like I said, I don't find you funny."
"Malfoy, she's not taking me seriously and I'm getting tired of this."
"Well um, tell her that it's me that's been moving things!"
With a huff, her head turned back to y/n. "He's the one that's been moving things." That piqued y/n's interest, having her straighten up a little but not enough to expose her naked body. "Well if you want me to believe you then tell me something only him and I would know?"
I racked my brain over and over for something that was specific to just her and I, playing through our memories like it was some kind of home movie. Anyone could potentially know about the kind of thing we would get up to such as the parties, pranks and crazy things that happened before the war.
"Um... Ask if she remembers that one time that I crawled through her window and we stole her mums car."
"He broke into your house and you both stole a car." The statement was relayed and y/n's unamused face softened. "Oh and he just said that you made him aftershave that he kept, it's still in his bedside drawers if you really want to check. Apparently it's next to the tiger's eye crystal that you gave to him."
"He's here? Like really, really?"
"Yep, right there." Myrtle pointed straight at me, to the space where I stood. "You just can't see him yet, I'm not sure why but he's here and he asked me to be some sort of messenger."
"Oh yeah? And what dumb message does he have then? What could he possibly have to say?"
Myrtle glanced back, her sarcasm had dwindled to sympathy and I could tell she was anticipating what was about to leave my mouth.
"Tell her that I am so, so proud of her. And I'm not annoyed that she ended up pregnant, I'm happy. Really happy and I wish that I could be there so we could be some sort of family. I would of taken responsibility and I love her so, so much. I tried to come back to her but I couldn't make it...
... I'm always by her side and she's never alone. I've been there every minute. Tell her that whenever she wants to talk to me I'm always listening, always. Even if I can't talk back. I am sorry for what happened, and I'm going to find a way to show myself. Even if it takes weeks, months or years, I won't ever stop trying to be there for her in any way that I can. Because I won't ever leave her alone. Just tell her that I love her so much and I wish I would of told her that more often. Because it was me who fell first. So please don't cry or punish yourself over what if's. What if's are pointless, it's what are's that are important. And she is and always will be my everything. In life and in death. I'm going to come back to her somehow. I don't know how but I'm going to, because I love her and I love our boy."
It took a while for Myrtle to stumble through the words without reverting to her harrowing wailing, but she managed, even as difficult as it were.
And the cry strained in y/n's chest, barely holding it in. But then the smile came, the thin half smile that morphed into a barrage of emotions. "Does he know that I love him too? And that I forgive him?" She whispered. Myrtle nodded. "Yeah, he says he was there at the memorial. He heard everything you said."
A laughing sob came, followed by her wiping the tears away with her knuckles. "Thank you, Myrtle. You know you're not half bad."
"I know. Look, if you want to talk to him then just talk to him. Whenever, wherever. He's always listening, and he will try to answer you, in whatever way that he can."
Both girls shared a heartfelt nod. Before Myrtle peered back looking for validation. I too gave a curt and thankful nod before her apparition dispersed, not wanting to impede on the mood any longer than is necessary. I can only remain forever in her debt and gratitude for allowing me to verbalise everything that I felt. The zingy shudder remained coursing throughout me though, as if something was changing again.
Her forgiveness and confirming that she loves me back brought me new hope that I never thought I'd have again.