XXVII
"Where are we going then D dawg?" Y/n asked, remaining casually limp as I carried her through the yard of the clock tower. "D dawg? Why don't you ever just use my proper name? It'd save you time and effort. It's a perfectly passable name idiot."
"Okay Mildew, sorry, sorry, MAlFoy."
I decided to humour her, since she thinks she's so terribly amusing. "Gonna go to my head of house and get you done for bullying." Y/n just continued humming a cheery tune before asking. "Cool can I come and watch?"
So, I just turned my head and latched my teeth on to the bit of thigh that was conveniently propped beside my head. "Ow, ow, ow, ow, okay, ah, I'll stop, ow, sorry!"
"Thought you might be."
I quite enjoyed biting in to her flesh, it was soft and supple. Maybe I should do it more often. I wasn't going to tell her that I was in fact going to carry her right out of the castle grounds to Hogsmeade, such a thing would be beneath y/n but I had good reason.
I wanted to get on neutral ground. Without the influence of our surroundings including our friends and peers, or drugs and alcohol; I wanted to clear up exactly what happened on New Years Eve in contrast to what happened before and since then.
I'm either particularly stupid when it comes to emotions or her signals are more mixed than a vial of Amortensia. I barely know anything about her, and maybe that's how she likes it. Or maybe she's just careful about who she opens up to. Either way, I have to know or I'm not going to be able to stop myself from over thinking.
"Can you put me down yet? My ribs are sore and I'm dizzy from the blood going to my head!"
I'd not considered that, so I set her back down on her feet but it was only around three seconds before the sudden change in angle saw her almost faint. And I had to catch her in my arms before she face planted the floor.
"Pfpfp, sorry. That would be the fatal flaw in my plan of abduction."
"You could of just said come with me somewhere, it's somewhere that doesn't involve school work and I happily would of walked myself."
She began distancing herself ahead from me, albeit like wobbly little Bambi. "Excuse me I thought I was the one deciding where we're going?"
"You were, for about five minutes and then-- oh.." Her legs were still all askew and ended up in her walking in a zigzag like she'd just drunk her body weight in whiskey. "Hogsmeade is that way y/n, not whatever fucking direction you're walking in."
Her finger pointed up in to the air as she continued her fight for balance, before the concrete wall aside the walk way proved far too stable to ignore.
"Come on you fucking tit, hold on to my arm until your brain recalibrates."
Y/n huffed before reluctantly wrapping herself around my arm for the entirety of our journey down in to the quaint little town. It was mostly locals going about their daily errands and setting up trade for the day. But still busy enough for us to just blend in. The season was beginning to turn, where it's warm and mild in the day but still chilly at night. Spring, where everything starts to come back to life again.
It felt like time had been moving painfully slow this year, but the truth is that it's moving faster than ever.
"Oi wait for me then!" Whilst sinking in to my thoughts y/n had skipped ahead and was already milling around, nosing at what people were doing and what they were selling. I caught up to her, slightly out of breath, maybe I should quit smoking. "What's that you've seen hm?"
"It's an Amethyst crystal," she replied, holding it in her palm for me to admire the shimmering and jagged edges. "When's your birthday? They might have your birth stone here."
"June fifth."
"Oh my christ!"
"Oh no, what?" I leant back out of confusion, she may as well of made a cross with her fingers. "You're a fucking gemini!"
"So?"
"Wow everything makes sense now. I don't know how I hadn't realised before. Of course you're unstable and emotionally unavailable. Male gemini's are basically the worst of the worst in the zodiac."
Gee fucking thanks a bunch. I've no idea what she's talking about but it still managed to offend me all the same. "Alright then, what's that other one there? The orangey weird one?"
"Tiger's eye? It helps lessen fear and motivate."
It must be a girl thing. As if they're all just automatically born with knowledge about crystals and zodiacs because to be truthfully honest.. They just looked like stones to me. Besides everyone knows that zodiacs are a scam, it's just another way for people to excuse their behaviour.
I pulled my wallet from my trouser pocket. Not a particularly special looking thing. Small, leather, black, full of money.
And y/n's brows knitted together as her face narrowed at the sight of the wallet in my hands. "What do you think you're doing?"
"Well if you like the crystal then I'll get it for you?" The trusty rich trick, works every time, people love it. "I think the fuck not thank you very much."
She in turn rummaged in her satchel, retrieving a handful of coins and handed them to the stall bearer who was on the verge of bursting in to laughter in my face. And she took the crystals, including the one I had enquired about, put hers away and held out the Tigers eye to me.
"I don't need a sugar daddy just yet, and I understand that it must seem wild to you that other people can afford things that they want but I promise you we do exist."
The stall bearer finally cracked, needing to turn away, y/n just joined in cackling like no other. I personally had no idea what to do with myself in this kind of situation. "What's wrong Malfoy? Surprised to find out that women are allowed their own money these days? That's right.." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "We have rights now.."
My mouth was open on a silent gasp. How am I meant to respond to such a thing? Do I just acknowledge the fact that society seems to have moved forward, or argue my case that I genuinely just thought it was the right thing to do in this situation?
Before I could even muster some words y/n grabbed my arm and started pulling me off in to a random direction before crouching beside a wall. "Y/n? What's the matter?"
"Bloody teachers, they were walking right toward us.."
"Oh shit.."
"Yeah, be quiet."
Even when she was flustered and panicked she was pretty. I'm about ninety percent sure this was the moment I started to fall, as she crouched with her wand held ready for a battle with literal teachers because we were bunking and merlin forbid anyone ruins y/n's plans.
I could see straight through the reflections in her glasses, that devil-may-care look in her eye. She was free, and unafraid of living how she wants; she's one of those people you only come by once in life. And she was here with me.
I moved out my hand to softly grapple at hers, the wand still braced in her other. The sudden sensation caught her from her watch guard duties as she looked right back to me. And I expected an insult of sorts, but she just smiled a simple smile; never breaking eye contact.
"You're pretty..." I whispered. "I know," she whispered back. "Come on, we need to get away from here. Go up that lane, I know it goes out in to the forest but we should be okay in the day time."
We tripped and climbed over wooden stacked boxes, even tipped some over earning a grumpy few choice words from whoever's stuff we just managed to spread everywhere; and ran our way up the barely there foot path in to the canvass of trees and uneven land.
"So, how about now you tell me why you kidnapped me from breakfast?" Y/n had a jovial walk, pressing something to her lips which once more resembled a joint. It was confirmed by the smell when she lit it. "What can I say.. I was sick of looking for something that was clearly right in front of my face."
"That's such a clichΓ©, who have you been hanging around with?" She asked, stepping over twigs and stumps. The tiny little bits in the air turning gold as they passed through sun rays just penetrating through the leaves. "Just had a chat that put things in to perspective, that's all."
"And what would that perspective be hm?" Taking deep inhales, she took to sit in an unshaded area against one of the trees. "Doesn't really matter does it? Just means that I've done some thinking and as much as I hate to admit it you were right.. I am uptight.. so give me some of that joint."
Y/n handed it over reluctantly, before straightening out her skirt and resting her chin in to her hands. "Yeah life's a bit shit when you spend it worrying about stuff that you can't change isn't it?"
"You speak as if you know exactly how that feels?"
Her smile dropped momentarily, and even though she tried to hide it I saw it. So I just came right out with it, no more side stepping around the issue.
"Who are you y/n? I know you, but I know nothing about you. It's like you're putting on a show constantly.. it's got to be tiring. In fact, I know it is and that's speaking from personal experience. I just wanna know you?"
She started to bite at her fingernails and seemed to become withdrawn which compared to her usual sparkling personality was absolutely awful to witness. So I crouched beside her, eventually shimmying on to the log she'd perched herself on and handed back the smoke.
"I'll go first? I put on a show that life is absolutely brilliant. Money, status, two parents from an unbroken home. But what people don't see is the crushing pressure to do what's expected of you because your name holds power. When you're just born in to aristocracy like that.. it's not just your own reputation you have to carry, it's for all Purebloods. And you're judged accordingly. But you'd know about that? Selwyn? Sacred twenty-eight?"
"No," muttered y/n. "I'm the secret love child."
"What do you mean?" She looked to me, for the first time seeming insecure. Frightened that what she was about to say would unmask everything she works so hard to cover up. "I promise I won't say anything, I just want to know everything about you. Even the bad stuff."
There's nothing she's hiding that could rival my own secret surely.
"You know all that stuff with Scarhead and you know who?"
I nodded, unsure of where this was going. "My dad was involved in all of that, the bad death eater shit. And he kept it from my mum, he was living a double life. Nobody knew about her, and she knew nothing about what he was involved in. So when he was caught.. he topped himself to keep us a secret. It was either that, or we would be next on the chopping block. She was his filthy muggle wife and I was his filthy half breed kid. He thought he was protecting us from all of that, but the more I think about it.. he was just protecting himself. Better to die with a secret than live with the consequences.."
Fuck, that's pretty heavy stuff.
"So now I have to grow up without a dad, and I have to keep his shitty little secret if I want to live any type of normal life.. so I thought fuck it, if I have to work this hard to live in normality then I'm going to live it how I want, when I want, where I want. It just so happens that I turned out to be a bit of a delinquent."
There was an awkward silence, until smoke billowed from her nose in time with the bursts of air that flooded out with her laugh. It was obvious that just saying it out loud had lifted some sort of weight.
Not for me though, because her next statement would be like someone shoving a burning hot dagger through my chest.
"Well at least that was his last thought though, to keep you safe? Do you not forgive him for that?"
"No do I fuck, anyone who involves themselves with that kind of stuff deserves exactly what they get. It's disgusting and quite frankly I'm glad he's dead, because if he wasn't I'd spit in his face like the scummy little toe rag he is. It turns me sick. They all do. That's why I stay away from Potter and his little friends. It's not ideal to have to be face to face with someone knowing damn well you share blood with someone who tried to murder them."
"Do they know? Like have they put two and two together, with the surname?"
She shook her head no. And began fussing with the ends of her hair, a nervous habit. "Well, I don't think any less of you. Even if you are a filthy half breed."
"Oh get fucked!" Y/n whacked me across the top of my head, forcing my arms up to shield my face. "I was joking, chill your tits!"
We both eventually simmered down in to a childish giggle. And silence surrounded us for a while whilst we side eyed each other, passing the joint back and forth and appreciating the beautiful nature of the forest that disappears at night, giving the creatures and ghouls a place to play.
But, I knew that she'd just opened up to me in a way she doesn't with many if any at all. And I felt trusted, it was nice. For a while at least.
"Oh there is one more secret you should probably know.."
My stomach started to tingle with nerves again.
"I'm the school plug... Me and Longbottom are in it together. Sprout has no fucking clue we're growing it under the floorboards, so yes I can afford my own crystals whenever I want."
I must of choked ridiculously loud because y/n saddled herself with confidence, and threw me a cheeky wink before taking in another hot breath of weed she's literally growing on castle grounds.
And it was precisely that moment that I knew for definite I was falling. How could I not?