Be My Lover
James
The resemblance was uncanny.
James looked between Sirius and regulus. The same combed over dark brown hair, glowing green eyes, and sharp smiles. The scoff that left Sirius’ throat reminded James, Regulus was not a brother, he was a death eater. It was simple, put in black and white right in front of him.
Sirius and James walked past the narrow corridor of the Hogwarts express train, passing Regulus, Barty, and Evan in their carriage. Barty had his head over Evan's lap, eyes closed as Evan strung his strong fingers through Barty's light brown hair. Regulus sat across from them, facing the door to their carriage.
“Remus and Peter already got us a carriage, hurry up prongs” Sirius said looking a few feet back to James. He had moved quickly- desperately- from the sight of his brother.
The two boys continued walking down the cramped train hall until they reached a quiet carriage with their two other friends.
“Sirius!” Remus Lupin exclaimed, springing into his friend's arms pulling back to leave messy kisses all over Sirius’ face, much to the others detest. Peter stood smiling widely and embraced James happily.
“Oh my god, its only been 2 months you guys calm the fuck down.” Sirius scowled. James looked at Remus’ stare at Sirius, seemingly in awe. James laughed lightly at the sight of sore eyes in front of him.
The four friends sat down in their carriage and shut the door. Remus sat with Sirius’s legs draped over his own and across from them the two other boys sat down.
“How's Euphemia?” Remus asks James with a smirk. James’ head snaps up.
“Oh my god ew just because you have a thing for moms does not mean you have to hit on mine.” James scowls.
“Hey I was just asking, she's a lovely lady.” Remus laughs putting his hands up mockingly.
“Are you guys excited for 8th year?” Peter asks a moment later.
“God no, apparently all of the professors are all shit.” Sirius moaned, rolling his eyes.
“C’mon they're not all that bad, I heard the Alchemy teacher’s quite hot.” Remus mused.
“I think I'm just going to miss mum and dad.” James thought out loud.
“Yeah, Fleamont and Euphemia are the sweetest.” Sirius agreed. After living with the Potters for so long Sirius considered them his family, and they treated him like he was. James’ parents would take in the whole of Hogwarts if they could, they loved everyone, and more than most they loved James.
James sulked, he missed his mum and dad already, more so he missed what they had as a couple. James loved his family and his life now, but every time he went home he saw what he truly wanted. The way his father would simply gaze with a smile on his face at Euphemia. In the evenings after dinner was cleaned up the couple would turn on David Bowie and dance in each others arms, as if letting go would break them into pieces, and they would stay like that until one or the other started drifting off to sleep.
James would sit on the staircase watching them in the den smiling at each other in a trance and would ponder about what he wanted.
He came to the conclusion that he wanted to be loved.
James had thought this through, he had a plan. He would marry Lily Evans, the most beautiful girl in the world, he would have a son who he would teach to fly and play quidditch. Lily would help him with his homework and teach him how to make tea the muggle way.
She was the smartest girl in their year, probably in the whole of Hogwarts, and she was stunning. The only problem for James was that Lily had no idea he liked her, or for that matter, was in love with her.
This was plan A, and after going through the likelihood of this, James started to think he needed a plan B.
Two hours later as the sun began to set, the Hogwarts Express arrived. As everybody poured out the four boys lingered in their carriage. After seven years they knew that leaving after the rush of new students and younger years was much better. So, only 20 minutes later they set off for the Thestral pulled carriages. Remus got in first and helped Sirius- who really did not need the help- then sat down, leaving the two other boys to get on by themselves. Remus and Sirius sat side by side on the front of the carriage with Peter and James across from them again. It grew dark as they moved closer to Hogwarts and their conversations slowly came to an end.
They sat admiring each other. James had been friends with the three of them for at least 7 years and somehow every time he looks at them he is in awe. Remus more than anyone. How can anyone fucking look like that.
James remembers in fourth year when Remus walked into their dorm room from the shower in nothing but a towel around his waist. His hair was dripping onto the floor below him and his skin shined from the water. James remembers how his jaw stayed agape for minutes until Remus put a shirt on, and how the mental image replayed on loop in his head for the week.
When they walked into the castle they were greeted with the sounds of chattering students at the dining hall and the soft glow of bright candles lit around the building.
“Prongie, let's just skip dinner there's too many kids.” Sirius says affectionately trying to win over his friend.
“First of all, oh my god ew what is that name, Second of all, fine I'm not hungry anyway.” James said murmuring.
“Hey, it's a cute name, right moony.” Sirius says laughing, definitely trying to tick James off at this point.
“Personally, I think it suits you… Prongie.” Remus laughs accentuating the new nickname when he says it.
“Fuck both of you.” James huffed, flipping Remus and Sirius off. “Come on Pete, we have better places to be.” James said to Peter as he walked away.
“We do?” Peter questions but follows the other boy nonetheless.
James and Peter arrive at their dorms at about 9pm and start unpacking followed shortly by Sirius and Remus who both look extraordinarily tired.
Remus has the first two buttons on his shirt missing and his tie is loosened around his neck. Both boys have swollen pink lips and a dazed look on their face. For a few minutes all the four boys can do is stare at each other, James with his mouth agape and Peter with confusion. As Sirius walks further into the dorm all James can say is;
“What the fuck just happened”.
“Well interesting you ask” Sirius teased. Remus looks down and smirks as if he knows exactly what is about to happen, which in all fairness, he does.
“We sort of you know on the way here.” Sirius says, also smirking now.
“You fucked! Your not even dating and your having sex around the castle!” James exclaims as his jaw dropped for the second time that evening.
Remus, quick to step in, explains. “No god no, we just kissed. Why would you say it like that Pads?”
“Are you telling me you didn't want to fuck me.” Sirius retaliated joking with a smile on his face.
“Ew” Peter mutters from the floor in front of the other boys. James is now sitting on his bed with Sirius, while Remus is still standing at the door.
“But what does this mean? Are you guys dating? Is this the first time? Are you both gay?” James spills, finally smiling a little bit. He really did see it coming, but this soon, definitely not. Of course James is delighted for them, more than delighted, ecstatic.
He just hopelessly doesn't want anything ruining their friendship.
“We kissed once and you think we’re getting married.” Sirius remarked. Remus smiled at Sirius and then turned to James.
“I don't know what this means. I haven't asked him. Yes, this was the first. I think I am gay but I don't know about Sirius.” Remus answered each one of James’ questions quickly and shortly. He continued after a pause, “Hey Pads.” Remus said, looking at Sirius smirking.
“Yes Lover” Sirius drawled.
“Will you do me the honor of being my one and only boyfriend, Sirius Black.” Remus stood and curtsied dramatically as he asked. Of course, in seconds Sirius had jumped up and grabbed Remus’ face and pressed his lips against the others so delicately you would think Remus’ lips were made of glass.
“Did I just witness my two best friends become boyfriends?” Peter asks, shocked more than anything.
“This is too much to process in thirty minutes.” James stares blankly at the new couple in front of him. Sirius and Remus look back, giggling like a couple of schoolgirls madly in love which truly, they were.
Later in the evening most conversation had come to a stop, they sat in their four bed dorm and carried on with their individual tasks. Finally Peter got up and pulled out scrabble from James’ trunk.
“Lovebirds, get down here, we’re playing scrabble.” Peter spoke from his seat on the floor next to James. It took the group a while to figure out how to play muggle games like this but when they did, they never really stopped. Most of their free time ended up with Remus crying from laughter because Sirius would put down one of their professors' names, spelt incorrectly for that matter, and even though they all knew he wasn’t supposed to they let it go.
Sirius and Remus slid down from the bed and took their seats next to James and Peter. They all picked letters to settle who would go first. This time James got the letter B so he began picking 7 letters and passed the bag around. He placed the letters, L, U, F, E, T, A, R , down on his word bench gently. James sat for a few moments in silence contemplating different words. He then moved and put down Ferula.
Immediately Remus jumped up “What the fuck is that, that's not a word!” He sat back down and looked down at his own letters with a terrible poker face.
“Yes it is, Ferula, a spell for bandaging.” James stated matter-of-factly while picking out 6 new letters. A, O, T, E, R, L not including the B from his last round.
Remus looks like he might actually just combust right there on the spot with the bright green vein popping out of the side of his head and eyes so wide they could fall out in seconds. Seeing this Sirius chuckles while wrapping his arms around the others waist.
“It's ok to admit I am smarter than you moony.” James sneers.
“Shut up, you just got lucky.” Remus retorted. “Hey get off me, you're looking at my letters.” Remus pushes his clingy boyfriend off him, smiling faintly.
“Wow, he is competitive.” Sirius looks slightly offended.
“Yeah, how do you think we became friends?” James emphasized.
“I don't know, school?” Sirius guessed, placing down his word next to James’, spelling out Accio.
“Good one Pads.” Remus murmurs, trying not to interrupt the conversation. Sirius smiles in adoration at Remus before looking back to the blonde.
“Of course not, it was a healthy duel back in first year, I won of course.” James gloats.
“Holy shit, first year.” Sirius laughs, in disbelief.
“Yes we were exceptionally good wizards. Also you did not win, I was in a rush to Charms, I didn't want to be late.” Remus explains, trying to do himself justice.
“Ok sure” James snickered.
Sirius is still staring at the two shocked at how they hadn’t been expelled yet. They had all pulled their fair share of pranks but Prongs and Moony more than the rest, and they had endured hundreds of hours of detention. Somehow every single time Remus and James would nearly escape being expelled or at least suspended.
Remus on his last thread did his best with the letters he had putting down Deprimo, a wind damaging spell. He smiled to himself and then to Sirius who looked equally as proud.
The game went on for the next hour like this, James, Sirius, Remus and then Peter putting down a word, usually a spell or charm of some sort. ‘
At around 10:30 everything seemed to have blended together. Sirius was draped over Remus because somewhere in the middle of the game they had decided they were going to play as a team. However, they played very little, occupied with the inside of each other's mouths. James and Peter continued on deliberately while stopping for sweets occasionally.
As Remus and Sirius became less engaged with the game, so did James and Peter. They tested out every flavor of Every Flavor Jelly Beans and showed each other their updated stack of chocolate frog Wizard cards. The scrabble board in the middle of the quartet had filled up with sweet wrappers and the letters had shifted due to Remus and Sirius shifting, trying to get as close to each other as possible.
They finally had everything they had ever wanted, they were going to fight fucking hard until they had to let each other go.
At about 11pm the night had come to an end, Peter and James had gotten as far as they could with Scrabble and got ready to fall asleep. As expected Remus and Sirius had moved up to the bed closest to them and dozed off in each other's embrace, however; much to James’ dismay, they had fallen asleep in his bed.
James showered in their shared bathroom, washed his face, shaved the light stubble on his chin and changed into nothing but a pair of boxers, and took Sirius’ bed directly on the left of his own. Peter’s nightly routine was much more simple, consisting of just changing into an old shirt and pair of shorts before falling into his bed.
Shortly all four boys fell quickly asleep. Two of them together and the other two alone.
That night all James can think about is love. James would sell his soul to be loved like that. Like Sirius and Remus. For somebody to stare at him as if he was the air that they breathed. As if losing James would kill them, because you can only go so long without air. For anybody to touch him in ways that would make him shiver in his own skin or to make him laugh until he cries. And as James drifts off to sleep he realizes it doesn't matter, anybody could love him and he would drop everything for them in an instant.
It didn’t matter.