elastic heart
Barty is bold
Evan is italics
Regulus is normal
---
Tuesday PM
[3:53] christ reg
any chance you could not leave your clothes all over the fucking floor
you were literally in the bathroom
the laundry is RIGHT there
how fucking hard is it?
[4:01] uh sorry mate
I think you’ve got the wrong number
[4:05] real fucking funny regulus
come clean up your shit
[4:06] mate, I’m not Regulus??
but honestly, you sound like a bit of a dick, so I don’t blame him for not texting you
[4:07] reg, you have three seconds to come clean up your shit before i come and drag you out by your fucking feet
[4:10] good luck to you, mate
but this still isn’t regulus
[4:26] right
so
i did storm into regulus’ room to get him to clean his shit
and it turns out you were right this isn’t regulus’ number
[4:28] no shit mate
[4:30] so, sorry about that one
[read 4:36 pm]
-----
Wednesday AM
[10:47] AGAIN
THERE ARE CLOTHES ALL OVER THE FUCKING FLOOR
AGAIN
[10:48] once again, mate
wrong fucking number
[10:49] oh, no
i meant to text you
since regulus doesn’t want to fucking answer my texts
you get to deal with me instead
[10:50] fucking lovely
have you tried talking to him about this?
actually, more importantly, why does it matter?
could you not just put them in the wash for him??
[10:51] who do you think i am??
his slave??
he’s a big boy
he can put his own fucking clothes in the wash.
[10:52] righto, grumpy
I’m so glad that I’m awake for this
thank you so fucking much
[10:57] it’s literally 11?
you should be up by now anyway??
starting the day and all that shit
[11:00] SOME of us don’t have very good sleep schedules
so, WHEN we get to sleep, we try to get as much as we can
[11:01] shit mate
sorry
i didn’t think about that
[11:02] doesn’t matter now
not like I’m going to be able to get back to sleep
[11:03] shit
did you at least get a good amount of sleep?
[11:04] a solid three hours
it’s all right
I’ve got class at 11:45 anyway
guess I’ve got time to eat before hand
[11:05] shit man
i really am sorry about that
everyone that i know is normally awake by this time
i just assumed
[11:06] really, it’s fine
I’m not supposed to be sleeping during the day anyway
so really, I should say thank you
for waking me
[11:10] right, well i’ll leave you be then
i really am sorry
[11:11] are you leaving because you’re busy or because you feel bad?
[11:11] excuse me?
[11:12] sorry
it’s just you seem like the kind of guy that runs away when he thinks he fucks up
[11:13] oh
uh
well, you’re right on both accounts
i am indeed a guy AND i’m known to run away when things get tough
[11:13] figures
[11:14] oh let me guess
you’re the type of guy who wants to hash out all the problems right then and there?
not one to let things fester
[11:15] ding ding ding
we have a winner
[11:15] what’s my prize? ;)
[11:15] what the hell is that?
[11:16] what?
oh, the winky face?
do you like it?
;) ;)
[11:17] disgusting
absolutely not
you’ve just ruined this whole thing
[11:18] 1) this whole thing?
2) PLEASE TELL ME THAT WAS A FAULT IN OUR STARS REFERENCE
[11:19] 1) yes, the whole thing
1b) although admittedly, there wasn’t really anything going on here in the first place
2) it might have been
[11:20] i’m more pleased by the tfios reference than the fact that you admitted that there was something going on here
[11:21] you’re not that hard to please, are you?
[11:21] shut up.
[11:22] oh shit
[11:25] what?
[11:25] I have to leave for class in five
[11:26] already?
[11:26] apparently
[11:27] shit that was fast
well, i’ll let you be then
thank you for indulging me, stranger
[11:28] welcome.
-----
Wednesday PM
[12:46] please kill me
[12:46] what? why?
[12:46] i fucking hate this class
[12:47] aw poor you
[12:47] god, you’re so annoying
[12:48] you literally messaged me
[12:48] which I can now see is a horrible mistake
[12:48] rude.
[12:48] poor baby
[12:49] ANYWAY
moving on
why do you hate that class?
[12:50] it’s my philosophy class
you’d think that because it’s philosophy that it would be a pretty open class
BUT NO
my professor is very “it’s my class therefore my opinion must be the right one” and all that shit
[12:52] shit man
he doesn’t sound great
[12:53] and
AND
on top of that
he’s a fucking homophobe
which is just the fucking cherry on top, isn’t it?
[12:54] that seems like it’s been building for a while
you good?
[read 12:55 pm]
[1:01] dude, you okay?
[1:07] yeah, yeah, I’m fine
sorry
I actually got kicked out of the class and am on route to the dean’s office
[1:09] holy shit
that sounds pretty serious
what happened?
(if you don’t mind me asking)
[1:11] I don’t mind but thank you for checking anyway
so aforementioned professor made some offhanded comment about Apollo (please tell me you know the Greek god)
and my best friend, Dorcas, who sits next to me, leant over, and whispered in my ear
but said professor has a seating plan, so of COURSE we have to sit in the front row and of COURSE he saw her whisper in my ear
[1:12] and because he’s a fucking bastard, he immediately went “something to share, Dorcas?”
you should also know that Dorcas is never one to back down from a challenge, no matter who starts it
so, she, with absolute confidence, goes “I was just saying that Apollo had to be gay, professor.”
and oh man, the look on his fucking face was unbelievable
[1:13] first, he went bright red, then he began spluttering, then he finally went “I hardly think that’s appropriate.”
then he procced to spout a bunch of bigoted bullshit which most of our class disagreed with
so, then we were all arguing against him
then I’m not really sure what happened because the dean showed up so now a bunch of us and shitty professor are now heading down to her office to have a little “chat”
[1:14] I think he knows he’s in deep shit because this certainly isn’t the first time he’s been called away for saying bullshit in the class.
man, I really fucking hate him
[1:15] holy shit
that’s fucking horrible
[1:15] yeah, I suppose it is
[1:16] are you okay?
[1:16] better now
or calmer at least
I really just needed to get that out
[1:17] clearly
he sounds like a complete and utter twat
[1:18] yeah, well that’s professor snape for you
always here to make people feel like shit
[1:18] what did he say?
[1:20] I’d really rather not repeat it, if I’m honest
I don’t think he was aiming his words at anyone specifically
I think they were more just a general hatred to gay people as a whole, but I think they’re still affecting me more than I want them too
[1:21] fuck him then
never let ANYONE define your worth
especially not some bigoted asshole who doesn’t deserve any of your time
[1:21] yeah, cheers
I think I’m going to take a nap after this
[1:22] a nap?
what are you? five?
[1:26] oh
my therapist says it’s good to help me when I’ve been emotionally hurt
[1:28] your therapist?
oh shit, fuck
i’m sorry.
seriously, i’m so sorry
[1:30] it’s fine.
[1:31] it’s not, that was really fucking insensitive for me to say
[1:31] well it’s not like you knew
[1:33] STILL
plus, you said earlier that you only had a few hours of sleep before i woke you
so, really you taking a nap shouldn’t have been that shocking
i am sorry, for being an insensitive prick
[1:33] it’s alright
you’re forgiven
I’m not really one to hold grudges
[1:34] you’re a hell of a lot nicer person that i am, you know
i would have ignored someone for at least a week for saying something like that
[1:35] wait, that was an option?
apology immediately taken back
please don’t message me for the rest of the week
[1:35] rude.
but you only said this week
so theoretically i could do my week in purgatory then come back to you?
[1:36] if you had to
[1:36] aw, would you miss me?
[1:36] piss off.
[1:37] YOU WOULD MISS ME, STRANGER
that makes me happier than it really should
[1:37] that’s a little sad
[1:37] it really is, isn’t it?
[1:37] I’m beginning to think that you don’t really have many friends, do you?
[1:38] i have a few
[1:38] your housemate doesn’t count.
[1:38] that’s fine
BUT i am adding his boyfriend to the list
[1:40] of course you are
[1:40] to be fair, i am the reason they got together in the first place
so, he’s now indebted to me
and i’m collecting in on that debt by saying he’s on my friends list
[1:41] in a conversation that he’s not even apart of?
[1:42] yep.
[1:42] you’re truly a strange man
[1:43] yet, here you are, involved in a riveting conversation with me
[1:43] against my better judgement
[1:43] please, i make your life so much better
[1:45] it’s literally only been two days??
there’s no way that you can make that much of an impact on a person in two days.
[1:45] shh, let me dream, sweetheart
[1:46] sweetheart?
nope, I don’t have time for this right now
it’s my turn to talk to the dean now
wish me luck
[1:47] luck, sweetheart!
[1:48] I hate you.
---
[4:26] regulus arcturus black
come here
[4:27] Why do I get the feeling that I’m in trouble?
[4:28] just come here.
[4:28] Where is here?
[4:29] bathroom.
[4:33] Oh
No, sorry. I’m actually rather comfortable right here with James, thank you.
[4:33] oh brilliant
if you’re both here, then i’ll just come to you guys
[4:35] … I’m naked?
[4:35] nothing i haven’t seen before
[4:35] … James is naked too?
[4:36] again, nothing i haven’t seen before
and hmm, i wonder where all your fucking clothes are
oh WAIT, i know!
ALL OVER THE FUCKING BATHROOM FLOOR
[4:37] I’m sorry.
Really
It’s just, you know how James is
Once he gets started, there isn’t really any stopping him
[4:38] i did NOT need to know that
but honestly, have you thought about putting your clothes in the wash BEFORE getting in the shower
[4:40] … That has not crossed my mind.
[4:41] didn’t fucking think so
maybe try it next fucking time?
[4:45] Noted.
-----
Thursday PM
[1:00] good morning!
[1:00] it’s 1pm?
[1:02] well yesterday you said that you didn’t have a great sleeping schedule
and you said that you were going to take a nap as well, which most likely didn’t help it
so, i figured you’d be asleep all morning therefore not allowing me to actually wish you a good morning, so this is my compromise
[1:05] oh, that’s actually rather sweet of you
thank you
[1:05] you’re welcome, sweetheart
[1:06] I’m choosing to ignore that one for now
[1:07] SUCCESS
[1:07] how was your morning?
[1:08] oh, it was brilliant
truly
i went for a shower
AND THERE WAS NO FUCKING CLOTHES ON THE FLOOR
[1:08] oh, did Regulus finally pick up his clothes?
[1:09] aw, you remember his name!
and yes, he finally fucking did
i feel like i need to give him a sticker or something
[1:09] a sticker? what, is he five or something
please don’t tell me your housemate is a child
[1:09] well, no
BUT it is an inside joke
[1:10] you’re just itching to tell me the story behind that, aren’t you?
[1:10] well if you’ve got time to listen…
[1:10] go on then
[1:11] yes!
so, when regulus and i first moved into our apartment
him and his boyfriend were notorious for fucking literally all over the place
couch, shower, kitchen counter (!!)
and i was sick of walking in on them
so, i thought i would try to humble him a little, so i made a chart
[1:12] with all the days of the week, with long, empty rows next to it
and for every day that i DIDN’T see them fuck in a ridiculous place, i’d put a gold star next to the day
[1:12] that sounds fucking hilarious and slightly mean
[1:13] trust me, regulus found it funny, especially went he started putting his OWN stickers on it
[1:13] oh no
[1:14] oh, yes
and the worst part is, that at first, i had no idea what the green stickers meant
[1:14] please tell me what they meant
[1:14] as it turns out
the green stickers meant that he and his boyfriend had fucked somewhere inappropriate and had gotten away with it
[1:15] needless to say, the chart got scrapped after that
[1:15] please tell me how many how many stickers he put before he told you
[1:16] … 17
[read 1:16 pm]
[1:20] finished having your fucking laugh?
[1:20] not quite
[1:27] alright, I’m good now
[1:27] fuck you.
[1:28] oh come on, like you didn’t find it funny
[1:28] that’s not the point!
they fucked on the counter!
i make food there!
[1:29] oh, like cooking do you?
[1:29] yeah, apparently i’m rather good at it
[1:29] is that modesty I read?
[1:30] funny.
real comedian you are
[1:30] I try ;)
[1:30] i am actually in school, especially for cooking
so, i guess, i’m alright at it
ALSO, A WINKY FACE??
i’m swooning
[1:32] piss off
and oh, that’s actually quite cool
seems like you’ve semi got a life plan going on here
[1:33] yeah, i guess so
the real dream is to open up a restaurant one day
but honestly, i’d be happy just cooking for the rest of my life
[1:34] that’s wicked cool
does this mean you always cook random things for your friends?
[1:35] i guess so?
normally i just cook for regulus
i’m a little nervous about letting other people trying my food
[1:35] why?
[1:36] because it feels like it’s baring a part of me to other people
and that’s a little bit terrifying
because what if they don’t like it? or they think i’m a bad cook?
[1:37] woah, hey
it’s okay
you don’t have to share it with people if you don’t want to
I get that it’s something personal and a big part of you
if you’re not ready to share that, then don’t
don’t let anyone push you into doing something that you don’t want to
[1:40] oh
thank you
most people don’t understand me when i say that
normally, they’re just like “it’s only food, what’s the big deal? just cook something.”
[1:41] well those people are idiots, aren’t they?
it’s your life and your passion
you should never have to share that before you’re ready
and anyone who believes that they deserve anymore, then you want to give them, doesn’t deserve you at all
[1:45] oh
thank you
really
i should go now, but thank you
[1:46] oh, yeah, okay
it’s just, I didn’t say anything wrong, did I?
I didn’t mean to over-step any boundaries and I’m really sorry if I did
[1:47] no, you’re fine, promise
I’m just a little overwhelmed and a lot more emotional for some strange reason, so i thought it would be best to leave for a bit
[1:48] oh
of course
you’ll text me, if you want to talk, yeah?
[1:48] aw, he does care about me!
[1:48] really?
[1:49] yes, i promise to text you if i need to talk
[1:49] thank you
now go give regulus a hug
[1:49] why?
[1:50] because hugs are always magical when upset
[1:52] will do then.
---
[1:55] reggie?
are you home?
[1:57] Why?
[1:58] because i’ve been told that hugs are magical when upset
and you’re the only person i could think of tolerating a hug from
but if you’re busy then that’s fine
[1:59] you know what, you’re busy
it’s okay
i didn’t mean to be a bother
i’m sorry.
[2:00] Barty.
[2:00] yes?
[2:01] You’re rambling
[2:01] right, sorry.
[2:03] Are you okay?
What happened?
[2:04] nothing
well, nothing big at least
you remember the random stranger that i texted?
[2:05] You mean the one you constantly text and have saved as “Sweetheart” in your phone?
Vaguely.
[2:05] oh shh you. you literally had james saved into your phone as “lover” after only two dates
[2:06] Shut up.
We’re not talking about me right now
We’re talking about you and your stranger
Did he do something?
[2:08] nothing bad
he just made me feel seen for the first time, and i don’t know, it’s just making feel weirdly emotional for some reason
and i know we don’t usually do emotions, but i just thought we could do it, just this once?
[2:09] Oh.
Oh, Barty
Of course, you’re seen. How could you not be?
You’re honestly one of the most amazing people on the planet
[2:10] I’m sorry if I haven’t been apricating you enough
I really don’t know where I would be without you.
[2:13] oh.
[2:13] You’re crying, aren’t you?
[2:17] maybe.
[2:18] Come here, you idiot.
Then we can have that stupid hug you mentioned and cry together.
[2:18] oh, that sounds really nice.
thank you
[2:19] I love you, Barty.
You’re my best friend, always
[2:23] you’re going to have to come to me instead, i think I’m going to be sobbing too hard to see in a second
and i love you too, so fucking much.
-----
Friday AM
[7:16] good morning
[7:16] good morning :)
you’re up rather early today
[7:16] I know
I hate it
but I have an 8am class that I need to go to
so unfortunately, I have to be awake
[7:17] oh shit
I didn’t wake you, did I?
[7:19] nah, you’re all good
i was already up, cooking breakfast
regulus and i had that hug that you mentioned last night, and we had a bit of a chat too
[7:20] it ended up being a rather long chat, honestly
but i feel loads better after it, i think we both do
we needed up falling asleep on my bed, and we missed dinner so i’m making us both breakfast
[7:21] as a bit of a thank you
[7:22] I’m so happy for you
and a little bit proud of you too
you really do deserve to be loved by those around you, everyone does
[7:22] well then, i hope Dorcas gives you a hug today :)
[7:23] honestly, her hugs are amazing, so I’m hoping that she does too
[7:24] you’re ridiculous
can i ask you something?
[7:24] go for it
[7:24] do you find it weird that we know our friends names but don’t know each other’s?
[7:26] oh, I mean, a little
but it’s not something that you really bring up in conversation, you know?
normally when referring to your friends you use their names but when referring to yourself it’s always “I” or “me” so it’s not exactly unexpected that we don’t know each other’s
[7:28] that actually makes a lot of sense, shockingly
[7:28] I’m known to say something smart every now and again
[7:29] how would you feel about exchanging names?
or at least me telling you mine?
[7:29] first names only?
[7:30] whatever you’re comfortable with
[7:30] hello, my name is Evan.
[7:31] hi, evan. my name’s barty.
it’s really fucking nice to meet you.
[7:31] it’s really nice to meet you too.
---
[7:48] his name is evan!!
[7:49] Evan Crouch.
You know, I kind of like it.
[7:50] shut up.
-----
Friday PM
[5:19] how was your day, Barty?
[5:20] aw, look at you, starting conversations
twice! in a day!
[5:20] why do I even talk to you?
[5:21] because we’re friends?
[5:21] I don’t if I’d use that word
[5:22] what, would you prefer lovers?
soulmates, perhaps?
we’re certainly not strangers
[5:22] you’re horrible.
friends works fine if we’ve really got to add a label to it.
[5:23] victory.
another one to add to my collection.
[5:26] you’re so strange.
[5:26] that’s okay, we’re already friends, i don’t have to pretend anymore
[5:27] I’m already regretting this
[5:28] your so mean to me
but to answer your original question, my day has been great
regulus and i ate our pancakes
[5:29] then he had to make a very important call to james
[5:30] why do I feel sympathy for James?
[5:31] mean.
and for once, you shouldn’t
for, you see, james has done a very horrible thing
he, in fact, FORGOT his and regulus’ anniversary
[5:32] oh no
[5:32] well not really, because james would NEVER forget something that important
[5:33] I’m confused, you just said he forgot
[5:34] regulus thought james had forgotten
but really, he has a surprised dinner all planned out tonight
he’s got it all planned at regulus’ favourite restaurant
i even helped pull a few strings and made sure that they were serving his favourite dish tonight
[5:35] aw, that’s really sweet
[5:41] it is
but silly little regulus with his little anxious mind, has gone and pulled our plans to shreds by thinking james has forgotten about him
so now i’m sitting here trying to console him, without revealing anything AND trying to help james to figure out a way to get regulus out of the house tonight for the dinner, that’s literally in an hour and a half
[5:43] well it seems like you’ve got your hands full then
I’ll leave you too it
give James my luck
[5:45] i will, he’s going to need it.
-----
Saturday AM
[9:33] good morning!
how did everything go with James and Regulus last night?
[10:47] barty?
-----
Saturday PM
[1:31] lover?
[2:18] hello?
[3:56] is everything alright?
[4:26] I can see that you’re reading my messages, idiot
[6:48] what’s going on?
did I do something wrong?
if I have, I’m sorry.
[6:47] please talk to me about it so we can sort it out
[7:12] I’m sorry.
[7:39] I really hope you’re okay.
[9:15] okay, well I’m heading to bed now.
I missed you.
Which is stupid because I barely know you.
I hope you’re okay, maybe we can talk tomorrow?
[9:32] Goodnight, Barty.
[read 9:33 pm]