Marlene
Dorcas Meadowes, Dorcas Meadowes, Dorcas fucking Meadowes.
That name is all that Marlene can focus on at the moment.
Her mind is literally stuck on Dorcas, even more than before, especially now that she has a name to match her face. Of fucking course the girl Marlene can’t stop thinking about is the one that Marlene can’t stand to be around.
How is the most beautiful girl in the world, the same one that Marlene hates with everything in her? Why does she happen to have the worst luck imaginable? Why can’t she like someone who is actually attainable?
You see, Marlene was always a bit of a sensitive child, even now she’d still consider herself that way. At home, she always dealt with kids who were a bit too judgemental, judging the way she’d style or clothes or hair. Or the kids who’d make fun of how she looked, nitpicking how she acted. Basically they loved to point out all the things wrong with her. Therefore whenever Marlene arrived at Hogwarts, for a long time she would overthink every single thing that people said to her. Were they genuinely being nice to her, or was it an inside joke that she wasn’t a part of? Did they actually like her shoes, or were they saying it so they could make fun of her later?
It wasn’t very fun to have an internal battle whenever Marlene received a compliment from anyone.
And she can remember that specific day so fucking well. The first time she ever saw Dorcas, near the beginning of their second year. Marlene had been walking the corridors alone, desperately trying to find Mary or Lily to walk with. Begging the universe to send her anybody, anyone that Marlene could talk to.
And that’s when Marlene saw her.
Of course she knew vaguely of who Dorcas was, they were in the same year, and were on rival Quidditch teams. Plus, Dorcas has always been pretty. But Marlene didn’t know her well enough to form any opinion of her, all she knew was that Dorcas was undoubtedly an amazing Quidditch player, even though it was only her first year playing.
Dorcas was walking with one of her friends, and as soon as she saw her, Dorcas immediately stopped Marlene and said that she really liked her makeup. She had gone on and on about how pretty it was, and had even asked Marlene to do it on her. God, and Marlene had spent so much time doing her makeup that morning, hoping that someone would tell her that they liked how it looked. Marlene smiled brightly, and told her thank you, giving Dorcas little tips, grinning at her with more delight than a child on Christmas morning.
Marlene could hear Dorcas and her friend giggle and whisper to each other as they walked away. She couldn’t hear what they were saying, but when Dorcas looked back at Marlene with a guilty expression, she knew that they weren’t saying particularly kind words.
Obviously, Marlene was absolutely heartbroken. She hid herself in an empty girl’s bathroom and scrubbed at her makeup until it all came off, tears streaming down her face as she did so. And at that moment Marlene knew for certain that she hated Dorcas Meadowes. Dorcas had attempted to talk to her a few days after that, feeding her more compliments and statements that Marlene wouldn’t dare believe again. Once, Dorcas had said that she was sad Marlene didn’t wear makeup anymore, and Marlene simply rolled her eyes and walked right past her.
After their second year, Marlene made it a point to ignore Dorcas. She always avoided her, glared at Dorcas whenever she saw her, and it wasn’t long before they stopped paying attention to each other altogether.
They never spoke since. And even though it seemed impossible at the time, Marlene forgot that she existed, pushing Dorcas so far out of her mind. Besides, Marlene was too caught up in her never ending trials and tribulations to really remember that specific moment.
And now Dorcas is the same one that Marlene cannot stop thinking about constantly, reminding Marlene of the utter humiliation that she felt at twelve years old. Dorcas is still finding a way to invade her brain once again, just in a completely different way. It’s a very confusing predicament for Marlene to be in, to say the least.
“Where’s Lily?” Marlene asks Mary, breaking the short silence between the two.
“Library,” Mary replies, pointedly looking away from Marlene, staring at a random point at the table.
Marlene hums, standing up, “Come on, let’s go meet her.”
Mary groans, but she still starts walking with her. “Fine. But we can’t stay there very long.”
They find Lily sitting at a table near the back, away from others, and they take their seats right in front of her. “Morning.” Lily says distractedly, too busy writing something down to pay any attention to either of them.
Mary clears her throat, “Morning.” Lily glances up as soon as she hears Mary speak, but quickly looks back down to her paper. It’s so painfully obvious to Marlene that something is going on between the two of them, and she can hardly stand it any longer. Do the two of them truly believe that Marlene wouldn’t sense the anger looming over the two of them?
“Alright,” Marlene begins, already upset with how her morning is going so far. “What's going on between you two?”
Lily’s face goes beet red, a clear indicator that Marlene’s assumption is correct. Lily is struggling to try and find something to say, but Mary is the one who answers.
“Nothings wrong, Marlene.” Her voice is so unwavering that Marlene doesn’t know what to believe. Mary and Lily are so different when it comes to certain things like this, Lily always wanting to tell people the truth, Mary always wanting to keep things bottled up. But, surely if something happened, they’d at the very least let Marlene know.
Right?
“We got into a bit of an argument over break,” Mary continues on like she’s unfazed, “but it’s honestly no big deal.”
Marlene looks at Lily, who nods, her redness fading. “We’re, um, just trying to figure it out. We’re fixing it day by day.”
Mary scoffs, “Well, I am the one who’s trying to fix it, not so sure that Lily is.”
Lily scoffs as if she can’t believe Mary would say such a thing, then glares daggers at her. “That’s bullshit, and you know it. I’m trying just as much as you are, but I want to do something that you’re so scared to do.”
“Which is?” Mary asks, agitated.
“Talk!” Lily snaps, then quiets her voice whenever she gets reprimanded by Madam Pince. “Just talk to me, Mary.”
Mary holds Lily’s burning gaze for a while, the two of them saying things that Marlene will probably never be close enough with them to understand.
That idea pains her greatly, but she reminds herself that this isn’t the time to think about herself, she needs to help understand her friend’s problems before she can even begin to think about her own.
Mary opens her mouth to speak, but whatever she is about to say gets interrupted as a random Hufflepuff boy comes up to them. He’s short, he has brown hair that’s slicked back, and he has a stupid smirk on his face. To be quite honest, he looks like an asshole. Mary knows these kinds of guys, knows exactly what they’re aiming for. “Miss,” he says, looking directly at Mary, all three of the girls immediately rolling their eyes. “Go out with me.”
It’s not even a question, almost like he is giving Mary an order, which makes all the girls glare even more at him, their blood boiling with anger.
“No,” Mary tells him firmly. “I’m good, thanks.”
The guy who never even introduced himself raises his eyebrows and scoffs. Marlene knows these kinds of guys, who will get upset when they get rejected, and she knows that Mary always has to deal with them constantly. She regrets ever feeling like Mary had it easy, just because she had attention from boys. “I’m sorry. No?” the boy asks, apparently not willing to believe what Mary is telling him.
Mary nods her head, “That’s what I said. No. Sorry,” she adds monotonously.
“Are you kidding me?” The guy's face is red, either in embarrassment or anger, nobody can be sure. “You put out for the entire Hufflepuff Quidditch team, but you won’t go out to a nice dinner with me?”
“That’s not true.” Mary tells him, keeping her tone even, but Marlene can see that those words hurt just based on her eyes slightly flinching. How could it not hurt? People have always painted Mary out to be someone that she isn’t, spreading horrible rumors about her sex life, treating her as if she isn’t a person.
Marlene has always looked up to Mary and yes, she did fancy her for a bit, but she always knew that Mary was genuinely a wonderful person. More than her beauty, she was determined, brave, and cared deeply for those around her. Marlene will always be tremendously upset at those idiots who continue to judge Mary, and for what? Because it was rumored that she shagged a boy when they were both fourteen? Which Mary has told Marlene and Lily that it wasn’t true, but even if it was, there’s no way that people should be treating Mary so fucking badly just because of it.
“For fucks sake, you can leave now.” Marlene whispers harshly at the boy, unbelievably angry that he still thinks he’s welcome by them.
“Piss off,” Lily adds, her demeanor is suddenly so angry that even Marlene is a bit scared of what she’d do.
The boy rolls his eyes, “Fine.”
“Good riddance,” Marlene says quietly, mainly to the girls.
“Fucking slag.” the boy mutters under his breath as he leaves.
Mary rolls her eyes, trying to sound like what just happened wasn’t a big deal. “Idiot. We should be going anyway.”
Lily looks at her, her face showing as much concern as Marlene feels. “Mary.” she begins sympathetically.
“It’s fine.” Mary dismisses with a shake of her head.
Lily tries again, pleading with her to listen. “Mary, you can’t-“
“I said that I'm fine, alright? It’s not like he’s entirely far off anyways.”
“What? No, Mary. He has no clue about what he’s talking about. He doesn’t know anything about you. Don’t-“ Marlene tells her, desperately trying to get Mary to know that she’s so much more than what people say about her.
“I’ve got to go.” Mary says suddenly as she swiftly gets up, and bolts out the door.
Lily gives a defeated sigh, “God, I just wish that she could see what we do.”
“Yeah.” Marlene nods, “I do too.”
“Because she’s beautiful, literally breathtaking.” Lily looks like she’s thinking of a memory with such pure fondness,and Marlene isn’t entirely sure that Lily knows that she’s even speaking out loud. “But more than that. She has these crazy, big dreams that I just know she’ll be able to fulfill. Because if there’s anybody in the entire world who can do all those crazy, big dreams, it’s Mary Macdonald.” Lily shakes her head and clears her throat, “Sorry for that. Er, I should probably go.”
After that Marlene’s day is relatively shit.
Mary avoids Marlene and Lily, in a tremendously bad mood - which is obviously completely understandable. Lily tries talking to Mary, but with no success anytime that she tries. This puts Lily in a terrible mood - also understandable - and basically everything today is just all around shitty.
Marlene is also desperate to do anything to not think about Dorcas, except for the fact that she doesn’t really have anyone to talk to, or anyone to distract her. James is the only option, but she doesn’t know when exactly they will be able to find the chance to talk. Honestly it’s fine, everything is perfectly fine. She will get over it, move on, and never think of Dorcas Meadowes ever again. She could probably just easily walk up to James’ dorm and ask to talk, which is probably what she’s going to do now. Because her thoughts are all scrambled, and the one person at the moment who could help her think it out is James.
Except for the fact she literally collides right into Dorcas herself on the way back from Marlene’s last class of the day, literally on the way to the Gryffindor common room to talk.
“Fuck, I’m so sorry!” Dorcas tells her, looking extremely apologetic, her brown eyes wide with guilt. The way that Marlene gets thrown back in time just by seeing that same guilty expression, it’s so overwhelming to the point where Marlene feels physically ill.
Marlene realizes this should be the moment where she profusely apologizes back, but all she can find herself focusing on is the fact that they’re just so close to each other. They haven’t been this close in years, so close that Marlene could probably count all the different shades of brown in her sparkling eyes. So close that Marlene swears that she can hear Dorcas’ heart beating, but perhaps that’s just her own.
Dorcas has her hand on Marlene’s arm, purely on instinct, as if Marlene was going to topple over. Marlene can see the amount of rings on Dorcas’ hand, the one that’s holding her, and she counts the several different kinds of rings complimenting Dorcas very nicely. Marlene can see every breath that Dorcas is taking, and watches as her eyes shift from concern to pure annoyance.
Not that. Marlene wants to tell her. Don’t look at me as if I’ve done something wrong. Don’t look at me as if I’m the most annoying person on the planet.
Marlene can’t stand it.
Dorcas slowly removes her hand, “No!” Marene shouts, then immediately squeezes her eyes shut in regret. “Um, no. I’m sorry. For running into you.”
Dorcas narrows her eyes, a small grin spreading on her face for whatever reason that Marlene doesn’t fully get why it’s there. One that Marlene relishes in, one that will take ages to leave Marlene’s mind. But it disappears fairly quickly, replaced instantly with the signature Slytherin scowl. “Right. Well. Watch where you’re going next time.”
Christ, Marlene should say something, anything that means she’s not standing there dumbfounded, looking like a complete and total idiot. “Excited for the big match?”
“The one that’s two months away?”
“We’re going to win,” Marlene tells her proudly, acting way more confident than she feels. Although, a piece of her is warming up to Dorcas, even though this is their first real conversation. She just feels more confident in herself than she was years ago. She’s still sensitive, and she still feels a bit uneasy whenever people compliment her, but she is better.
“We?” Dorcas questions, “Are you on a Quidditch team?”
Marlene narrows her eyes, gesturing to her red and gold tie. “I’m on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, yes.”
Dorcas looks at Marlene intently, pondering for a moment. Her gaze makes Marlene’s heart beat out of her chest, her stare is strong enough to make Marlene feel a bit confused. A part of Marlene loves it, and wants to always feel Dorcas’ eyes on her, but at the exact same time it makes her intimidated, and she wants Dorcas to never look at her again. “Oh my god! Yes, you’re McKinnon. Thought you looked familiar.” Dorcas clears her throat immediately, as if she’s embarrassed at her outburst. “Sorry, you just look different.”
Marlene finds it endearing, nothing at all to apologize for, and feels her face go warm at the thought of Dorcas remembering her existence. Then at the same time, she remembers the fact that Dorcas forgot about her in the first place, which dampens her mood greatly. “It’s fine. Is that in a good way?”
Dorcas raises her eyebrows, “Fishing for a compliment? I feel like I’ve given you a shit ton of those over the years.”
Marlene scoffs, and feels herself become suddenly angry at the accusation. Compliments? In what world were those considered anywhere near compliments?
“I should go.” Marlene tells her stiffly, simply not wanting to be in her presence anymore.
Dorcas rolls her eyes, “Run along.”
Marlene huffs, and turns around to march right back to her room shared with people that care for her, not even sparing one more glance behind her.
Marlene fucking hates that Dorcas thinks that she can pretend that she wasn’t cruel in their first year. Marlene hates that Dorcas has the ability to forget about her, or has the ability to have a beautiful shy smile that makes her so weak. Marlene hates that she can’t stop thinking of Dorcas’ hand on Marlene’s arm, or her eyes that Marlene just wants to get lost in, or her long legs, or her rings that really shouldn’t be as enticing as they are.
Why does she just have to be so lovely?
But also so bloody intolerable at the same time.