Chapter 8
It was still morning when James walked down the first-class grand staircase, looking for Regulus, he needed to speak to him urgently.
"Hello, Mr. Andrews," James greeted the man as he passed him.
"Hello, James," Mr. Andrews greeted politely.
Neither he nor any of the other passengers he had walked past seemed bothered by his presence.
Then he heard singing from the halls. Apparently, there was a fair going on. He walked towards the door where two stewards were standing.
James had a feeling he would find Regulus in there. Most of the first-class passengers were there.
"Sir," one of the stewards said, blocking James' way.
"I just need to talk to someone," James tried.
Inside the room, Malfoy noticed what was happening at the door.
"You're not supposed to be in here," said the steward.
"I was here last night, remember?"
"No. Now please turn around."
"He'll tell you," James said as Malfoy stepped out the door.
"I just need to talk-"
"Mr. Snape and Mrs. Black are still appreciative of your assistance. They asked me to give you this in gratitude–"
Malfoy held out a bill to James, which he simply ignored.
"I don't want your money."
It was never about the money. James had saved Regulus' life without knowing who Regulus was.
"Please, I just-"
"And remind you, you are in third class and your presence here is no longer appropriate," Malfoy interrupted him.
"Let me speak to Regulus," James made one last attempt.
But he knew it wouldn't do any good.
"Gentlemen, please see Mr. Potter returns to where he belongs and that he stays there?" said the older man. His eyes always on James.
As if James would sneak past him at the first opportunity.
Malfoy gave the bill to one of the stewards.
"Yes, sir."
"Come along, you."
Walburga Black stood at the far end of the line, her youngest son beside her. She averted her gaze from the door and now looked ahead again.
The two stewards escort James to the exit. The young man made no trouble. That would do no good.
However, James would not give up. He would find a way to speak to Regulus.
~~~~
"Have a nice day, sir," said one of the stewards.
The three men had reached the third-class entrance.
"You too," James said sullenly.
"And sir, it would be in your best interest if you remain in third class from now on."
"Got it," James lied.
He didn't want any trouble, really. But the desire to speak to Regulus again was greater.
"Gentleman, what's going on here?" asked Remus Lupin, who had suddenly appeared in the hallway.
"Nothing," replied one of the stewards. "This gentleman was about to return to the third-class quarters."
"Is that what he wanted?" Lupin asked. "Well, gentlemen, thank you. I'll take it from here."
The two stewards nodded to Remus and went back to their work.
"So, what happened?" Remus asked James when the other men were out of earshot.
James told him that he wanted to speak to Regulus and that he was not allowed in the room.
"I really need to talk to him, Remus," the young man finished. "It's really important. It's a matter of life and death."
"That important?" Remus asked. He couldn't quite believe it was such an important matter.
"Yes."
The young officer looked at James for a moment.
"Follow me."
~~~~
"Mr. Andrews… Forgive me," Regulus addressed him. He, his family, Snape and Mr. Andrews walked the deck while Mr. Andrews told them about the ship.
"I did the sum in my head and with the number of lifeboats times the capacity you mentioned… Forgive me, but it seems that there are not enough for everyone aboard."
"About half, actually", Mr. Andrews said and stopped. "Regulus, you miss nothing, do you?"
"It's a blessing and a curse," Regulus murmured.
"I can imagine– But In fact, I put in these new type davits which can take an extra row of boats inside this one. But it was thought, by some the deck would look too cluttered. So, I was overruled."
"It's a waste of deck space as it is on an unsinkable ship," Severus commented.
"Nothing is unsinkable, Severus," Regulus corrected him. "This ship can theoretically sink just like any other."
"Of course," Severus said, patting Regulus on the head.
"Sleep soundly, young Regulus."
The group continued on their way.
"I have built you a good ship, strong and true. She's all the lifeboat you need."
"Just keep heading aft. The next stop will be the engine room."
Mr. Andrews walked a little faster to catch up with the others while Regulus was the last to stay behind.
He wanted to follow the others but pulled him through the door closest to them.
The two men were now standing in the small gym.
"James, what are you doing here?" Regulus asked.
He was glad James was there, but unfortunately there's a problem-
Yesterday evening and the conversation with his mother had made him understand that nothing can happen between them.
No friendship and nothing more.
James had escorted the other young man to his cabin yesterday. Regulus had thanked him and then closed the door.
He hadn't been able to sleep that night.
James and Regulus lived in two different worlds, just as the sun and stars live and always will live in different worlds.
Oh, how Regulus wished it were different.
For the younger Black brother, even friendship with James was impossible, Severus and his mother wouldn't allow it.
The young man had only known him for a day, but he knew he wanted James in his life, needed him in his life.
But he was afraid, so afraid.
"I need to talk to you," James said.
"No James."
Regulus walked towards the door and past James.
James stood in front of him, stopping Regulus from leaving the room.
"James-"
"Regulus you're no picnic. All right? You're a spoiled little brat even. But under that, you're the most amazingly, astounding wonderful boy... man that I've ever known."
"James, that's enough-"
"No, let me try and get this out. You're –"
James stopped and started again.
"I'm not an idiot. I know how the world works. I've got ten bucks in my pocket. I have nothing to offer you and I know that. I understand. But I'm too involved now. You jump, I jump Remember? I can't turn away without knowing you'll be all right. That's all that I want."
"Why are you interested in that?" Regulus wanted to know.
"Aren't you listening to me just now?" James replied.
Of course, the younger man had listened to him.
"Well, I'm fine," Regulus explained unconvincingly. "I'll be fine. Really."
"Really?" James inquired. "I don't think so."
"They've got you trapped, Regulus. And you're gonna die if you don't break free," James continued.
He had to get it off his chest.
It was very important for James that Regulus understood that he had a choice.
"Maybe not right away because you're strong but sooner or later that fire that I love about you, Regulus–"
James placed his hands on Regulus' jawline and ran his thumb down his cheek.
"–that fire is gonna burn out."
"It's not up to you to save me, James."
No one can, Regulus added in his head.
"You're right," James agreed. "Only you can do that."
How? Show me? Regulus thought desperately.
He doubted he'd ever have the courage to run away.
Regulus wasn't like Sirius, who had long planned to turn his back on his family.
He didn't trust the promise that Sirius would take him with him.
Not because he didn't love Regulus, no. It would rather be because Regulus wouldn't go of his own accord.
"I'm going back," the younger of the two men mumbled.
He placed his hands on James's and removed them from his jawline. "Leave me alone."
James didn't stop Regulus as he left the gym.
~~~~
Regulus sat with his mother and two ladies at a small table, drinking a cup of tea.
"Tell Lucile about the disaster you had with the stationers."
"Well, of course the invitations had to be sent back, twice," Walburga said.
"Oh my dear."
"And the dreadful suit," his mother continued. "Let me tell you what an odyssey that has been."
"Regulus decided he wanted to wear red. He knows I detest the color. So, he did it only to spite me."
Regulus stopped listening to his mother. He preferred to wonder if he had made the right decision.
His eyes fell on the table next to them. There sat a mother with her young daughter. The mother corrects her daughter's posture without batting an eyelid.
Regulus recalled when he was that age.
He hated it when his mother corrected his every move. Walburga wasn't as affectionate as her mother at the next table.
"Regulus? Regulus!"
His mother's hissing voice snapped Regulus out of his memories.
"Sorry, mother. I was just thinking about the new suit and which pocket square to go with it."
Walburga nodded.
"Of course, we'll get you a new one," Walburga explained.
Regulus sighed.
Then the middle-aged woman turned to the others at the table.
"I'm telling you; the new suit is wonderful. It's green, which also goes better with the other colors."
Walburga started talking about the different colors she had chosen for the day, green and silver.
And actually, that wasn't a bad thing either, Regulus liked the colors. It was more because he wasn't even asked.
The young man dropped out of the conversation and looked again at the next table.
Would he ever correct his children for their attitude in the same way? Making sure they didn't make a mistake and knowing how to behave.
Would he teach his children not to step out of line?
If he didn't, Severus would, no doubt.
He and Walburga shared the same opinions on most subjects, and she was certainly more than happy to pass that on to another generation.
Inevitably he had to think of James. Regulus was sure that James would make a great father.
James would tell his kids about all the places he was. Exciting bedtime stories that James will tell every night because he loves them. James' children would be loved more than anyone else.
Because James Potter will love his children more than any other parent will love their children. James was just like that.
And he would show them the world and not just tell them about it.
Regulus had vowed to give his children as much love as he could, not like his parents had given him and his brother.
But was that enough? And was Regulus even capable of that?
Then he saw himself sitting at the table with his child drinking tea. He also corrected his daughter's posture and explained the best way to hold the cup.
His daughter, like the other girl, tried to live up to expectations.
Regulus' heart clenched at the thought. He didn't want his children to have to go through something like this. Because one thing was certain: Severus certainly wasn't as patient as Regulus.
Once again Regulus wondered if he had made the right decision.
This time he had an answer.
He excused himself and got up, ignoring his mother's protests.
~~~~
James stood at the stern of the ship. The sun was just about to drop below the horizon, but for the first time in his life, James couldn't enjoy it.
He was still worried about Regulus. James wanted so badly to help him, and it made him sad that he couldn't.
Regulus had clearly told him to leave him alone and that James would respect his wish.
The young man was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't even notice that another person was near him.
"Hello, James," he heard a familiar voice.
James turned around and at first couldn't believe his eyes. Regulus was only a few paces away from him.
"I changed my mind."