Didn’t you flash your green eyes at me?
Mary walked into her apartment and could’ve sworn it was a time warp that she passed through rather than a door. They were frozen and unable to move, unable to do anything but stare.
***
Mary, Lily, and Marlene had been best friends since college. Mary and Marlene met first and had formed such a quick and intense friendship that they were never not together. This led to their duo nickname of “The Two M’s” which they thought was funny, so they even began using it until it stuck, (one time Marlene even claimed that she overheard Remus talking to Sirius and he used their coined title; “Lily and The Two M’s recently just moved into an apartment on Lispenard Street, did you know?” he’d supposedly said) and they easily allowed the name to spread. It made Mary happy to be associated with a person such as Marlene, someone who was wonderful in any and every sense, so she truly didn’t mind. She was sure Marls felt the same as well, so what was the harm?
Mary and Lily are a different story however. One day during their sophomore year, Mary had been walking to her English Literature class, (“why would you take English Lit if you’re going into design, you wanker?” Marlene had said) while exasperatedly talking to her boyfriend at the time over the phone.
“Sirius, I couldn’t give any less fucks, genuinely there is no space for me to care less, whether you and your boyfriend go on a ‘boys getaway’ as you like to call it. But I do mind however, that you went without telling me, and just fucking disappeared when you know we had plans. You were going to meet my family for goodness sake!” Mary had yelled into the speaker. She probably looked psychotic, but it was early in the morning, she was going to be late to her favorite - yet slightly unnecessary - class, because her idiotic boyfriend had stood her up. Again. This wasn’t an uncommon occurrence between them, and Sirius claims that he is merely a “forgetful person” and a “free soul”, which Mary thinks is code for a complete jackass.
“First of all, Prongs and me, we’re not boyfriends,” in the background a dramatic gasp and an indistinguishable stream of words being shouted, no doubt from James, could be heard on the other side of the line, “but I truly did just forget. It slipped my mind Mare! I would never purposely ditch you, even if it is for a good and solid cause,” Sirius had replied. Wow, he genuinely believes this shit Mary had thought. There was no way he was serious! (that word had forever been forbidden and expunged from her vocabulary ever since she had first met Sirius and he made a joke about it, but in this sense it was unavoidable).
“There’s no way that you’re serious-“
“I’m always Sirius,” Sirius had slyly cut in. She could hear his smile from the other end of the phone and oh, what she wouldn’t give to be able to slap it away.
“Don’t you fucking interrupt me Sirius Black, or so help me god I will break up with you right here and now, and I will not hesitate to egg your beloved Phoenix.” Phoenix was his motorbike. It received that name due to the one instance where Sirius had let his small, stout friend Peter drive the bike, and he had crashed it. Sirius had been on the verge of tears while Mary tried to conceal her giggles at the sight of Sirius being so distraught over something so silly. It was a small crash, a topple even. The bike had merely tipped over after Pete being on it for a minute, max, but you would’ve thought the bike had caught fire. In light of the situation, after running to the motorbike first and cradling it as if it were a wounded child, then making sure his friend was okay, Sirius had proclaimed that the bike was simply invincible. “It can rise up from the ashes of Wormy’s disrespect” he had said, therefore the name of Phoenix was granted to the previously nameless bike. Sirius paid more attention to Phoenix than he did to Mary and it was getting old very quickly. “I don’t care if the world floods and you’re drowning or if you were hospitalized and couldn’t make it. Just give. Me. A. Call. A text even! Just let me know so I’m not waiting around like a moron for someone who couldn’t care enough to show.”
While Sirius was surely preparing his retort which Mary heard none of, (they had been so furious that she hadn’t been paying attention) they stumbled.
Well, “stumbled” was an exceedingly loose term for what occurred. She had been walking quickly and the toe of their boot had caught on an uneven stone, and she face planted onto the stones. Before they had time to gather herself and their fallen books, she felt someone trip on her body.
“I don’t want to hear a second more of this, Potter - hmph,” was heard as the person who Mary had tripped, Lily was her name she would soon find out, promptly fell on top of her. When Lily fell, she had spilt her iced coffee and dropped her phone which now how a crack down the middle of it.
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” the red headed girl had mumbled as she jumped up and began frantically gathering her things. She took one look at her phone and sighed upon seeing it. From her phone came the muffled, static sounds of the person on the other line who was still speaking, but going on ignored from the person to whom he was talking.
“I’m so sorry. Oh my god, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to trip you I was just in the most irritating conversation with Sirius who wouldn’t shut up - I swear that man never shuts the fuck up - and I wasn’t looking where I was going and now I’ve gone and mucked up your coffee and your books and probably your day too,” Mary rambled as they attempted to gather her stuff as well while less than gracefully smoothing their mess of hair out of her face. When she looked up however, her failure of an apology came to a halt all together as she finally took in the girl who had fallen on top of her. The girl had flaming red hair which had been pulled back in a ponytail, but now had pieces sticking out and all over the place from her tumble. She also had green eyes. Mary stopped processing any other thoughts after they looked at the beautiful stranger’s eyes. They were a bright, brilliant, yet soft green. They hadn’t even met - not properly at least - and Mary had managed to find some level of comfort in those eyes. They resembled something of an emerald green, with speckles of gold and a lighter green, which gave the impression of sun breaking through the cracks of a forest. Mary didn’t consider themself a romantic, but in that moment she was paralyzed in the most enchanting way, and she thought that they would happily stay there forever, just picking apart each different color that could be seen in the speckles of this lovely person’s eyes. She fancied herself half in love with Lily Evans in that moment, before they had even known her name. She thought if Lily told them to do anything right then and there, she would do it in a heartbeat.
“Listen, I don’t know who this ‘Sirius’ is but they sound like a right pain in the ass. I’m sure you didn’t mean it, and I don’t doubt that on any other day you’re completely lovely, but right now I’m really not in the mood and I’ve got somewhere to be” was Lily’s reply, and Mary could’ve sworn they felt their heart stutter. Such a lovely voice, please, please say more. But her thoughts were hindered by the panic that corrupted her mind at the sight of the red headed girl walking away.
“Wait! Wait, I truly didn’t mean it I’ve been having a shit day and it’s only 9 am, but that’s not an excuse for ruining your day as well, please forgive me” Mary said as they practically chased after the stranger.
“I don’t know why it matters whether I forgive you or not, but if it’ll get you to back off, fine, sure, all is forgiven. Can you let me get to class now?”
“That doesn’t sound too convincing, but I’ll let you off if you at least tell me your name. And your number. I will be texting you a formal apology directly proceeding this encounter, I can assure you,” said Mary, mimicking the tone of a phone operator. Mary wasn’t a people pleaser, not in the slightest. She had more of a “if you don’t like me, too bad” attitude, but for some reason they just couldn’t let this go.
“I will not be telling you my name. It’s none of your business and I don’t intend to see you again, so don’t bother giving me yours,” Lily had retorted. Mary must’ve looked absolutely pitiful as she felt her shoulders slump. They may not care what others think of her usually, but she did know when to pick and choose their battles. Whatever it was that Mary had looked like made the mesmerizing stranger sigh yet again, and stop walking.
“My name’s Lily. I don’t mean to be so rude but I’ve also had a shit day and I’m not usually so aggressive I promise. You really do seem lovely, but I’m not in the habit of giving my number to random people who happen to trip me on the street. I will however say that I would not mind too terribly speaking to you again, I guess. Meet me at the Hogsmeade Café at 4 later and then you can deliver your ‘formal apology’ in person. I really do need to go though, so I’ll see you later…” Lily trailed off and Mary was stuck yet again, dumbly staring. She then realized that Lily was waiting for their name and she jumped with a bit of a startle.
“Mary. Mary Macdonald,” they said, sticking out her hand for a handshake. A handshake? Who does that anymore? What is this, the nineteenth century? Mary really needed to pull herself together. They might as well be having a stroke.
“Right,” Lily let out a chuckle so soft it might as well have been a whisper, as she grasped Mary’s awkward hand, shook it, then quickly released it. “I’ll assume you know where Hogsmeade is, it’s rather popular. If you don’t know, it’s no upset to me. I’ll either see you or I won’t,” Mary could’ve sworn Lily’s voice softened slightly when she next said “I hope your day improves, Mary Macdonald,” then swiftly walked away.
“You too, Lily,” Mary whispered softly. She wouldn’t have thought Lily had heard it, if it weren’t for the slight shake of her red plait that Mary saw. She couldn’t be sure, but it seemed like something resembling fondness.
Mary vividly remembers how the rest of the day she felt jittery with anticipation. Why hadn’t Lily just brushed her off and continued on her way? Why were they so excited to meet her for coffee? It was probably just because they wanted to make a new friend, right? Nothing more? Why did Mary feel such a strong pull towards the girl who had at first come across as stand-offish, then had shown a glimpse of softness? Why did Mary so badly want to stare into the eyes of this person she had only talked to for a moment? Why, why, why. These were all questions that bounced around her head while they attempted to sit through classes that had once seemed interesting, but now seemed exceedingly dull compared to recent events.
After what had seemed like forever, Mary made her way over to the café. Ten minutes early. She’s going to think I’m a creep. Or worse, a loser.
They paced in front of Hogsmeade for all of two minutes before decisively walking through the doors of the empty coffee shop. Another thing Mary remembers, is the flutter that they felt in their chest when her eyes caught on the fidgeting hands of a nervous looking redhead. Lily was sitting in a booth towards the back, alone. Waiting for Mary. And eight minutes early. Mary felt like she was a schoolgirl with an embarrassing crush. A schoolgirl crush… a crush… on a girl-
And just like that alarms were going off in their mind. Mary turned around and sprinted out of the café like their life depended on it and didn’t stop running until she reached the end of the street where they stood with her hands on her knees trying to catch their breath. This can not be happening, this can not be happening, this can not be happening.
It wasn’t that Mary was homophobic - that wasn’t the problem, quite the opposite actually. In fact the following year she would come out as a proud bisexual, but it was more that they had a boyfriend. Whom she loved very much. Or so she thought. They had been very confident in their love for Sirius until he continued to threaten their relationship by not showing up. Each day that passes, Mary also felt themself drifting further away from feeling romantically connected to him, as opposed to feeling what could only be companionship. Sirius was a good person, there was no doubt in their mind that he was. She made sure to remind him of this fact constantly as well, since they knew he feared turning out like his family who were awful people. It could be said that to some extent, Sirius had made it their goal to be the exact opposite of his family. Where they were cruel, he was kind. Where they were insensitive, they were understanding. Where they were dull and unemotional, he was vibrant and full of life.
Even before they had started dating a few months ago, Mary and Sirius had had a strong friendship in which they related to each other and felt comfortable around each other. They had decided to take their friendship a step further when they had drunkenly kissed at a party and woken up on a couch together the following morning, still fully clothed, but limbs entangled. In hindsight, the fact that their first kiss happened when they were both pissed should’ve been the first red flag, but Mary had been struggling to work things out with their sexuality much less her gender and sensed that Sirius had been going through something similar. The timing was convenient (and Marlene had taken a photo of them kissing and wouldn’t stop pestering her about it) and they could both help each other out, she had thought.
They had been right of course, as she usually was, because not too long after they started dating, Mary had realized that she preferred to go by she/they pronouns and that they liked women as well as men. She felt no internalized anger at themself for these things either, as she suspected Sirius did about himself. Changing her pronouns wasn’t something dramatic and contemplative, ultimately they realized that she felt like their gender was more complicated than simply being a female, and that she liked the way it made her feel when being referred to as “they”. They also realized that they were unreasonably concerned about how her friends would react, because they were all as supportive and respectful as could be hoped for. Marlene even bought her a cake that said “Congratulations! It’s a she/they!” which had made Mary snort with laughter and flush with gratitude. Her sexuality was also no big matter since they had always felt that their sexuality was more fluid, and she was glad to finally be able to put a name to it.
Sirius however had struggled with coming to terms with themself. Given his up bringing, it was difficult for him to accept that being gay wasn’t the horrible thing that his parents had made it out to be, but that it was okay to be who you are and love who you love. It took him a while, and though Mary could tell they still struggled with themself, Sirius had also decided that he was more comfortable with going by they/he pronouns. His sexuality was still unlabeled, although Mary suspects there’s more to it than he thinks there is, but she was more than happy to help him work through it however they could.
The biggest problem with Mary having a crush on Lily was that she would have to break up with Sirius and confront the fact that their relationship hadn’t been functioning for a while now. She loved him, yes, but they were sure that it didn’t go much deeper than a friendship. They had genuinely been angry with him for continuously blowing her off, but it wasn’t just because they were her boyfriend. They were friends too and it seemed as if since they started dating, Sirius had been slowly drawing back from her. Not to mention the longing looks that they catch him casting towards one of his best friends, Remus. She notices from time to time the way that they look at each other, but she doesn’t think Sirius is aware of what he truly feels since he won’t let themself feel anything of the sort. Ever since Remus had come out as gay the previous year, Sirius had been acting strangely around him, as if all he had hoped for had come true, but at the same time it was something awful and horrible.
It was crazy of Mary to be reeling over the possibility of liking Lily, since they had only talked once and it could barely be considered a conversation. You couldn’t possibly catch feelings for someone so quickly, could you?
Mary’s mind was still overflowing with thoughts of Sirius and Lily and herself, so much so that she neglected to realize that they were still bent over and panting at the end of the street. They stayed in this haze and jumped when they felt a hand on their shoulder. She looked up and saw a pair of green eyes searching for her own deep brown ones, and suddenly their mind just went quiet.
Never stop looking at me, I want to search the depths of your eyes, discover every edge and corner. You’ll let me, won’t you?
“Are you alright?”
How could the person who she had just been running from be the same one who made them feel safe?
“Oh, yeah, totally, completely, wonderful. Why do you ask?” Stupid stupid stupid. What are you even saying right now???
“Err,” Lily started, scratching at her neck, “first of all I sort of watched you run out of Hogsmeade, and was a little concerned. Second of all, you’re leaning against a stop sign looking to be on the verge of a panic attack…” she trailed off.
Oh, God.
“Funny you mention that, because I actually…” they were drawing a blank. Great. “yeah, no, I’ve got no excuse. I got nervous and ran out. You’re free to ditch me now and go hang out with someone who didn’t trip you and make you drop your books a few hours ago.”
Lily stared blankly at them for a few painful moments where Mary seethed in awkward tension and the horrible thought that Lily might actually leave again. These worries washed away however, when Lily started laughing. Her laugh was something that should be considered musical. It started off quiet and almost shy, but then grew louder and rumbling. If this sound could be carried through the wind, Mary thought, then the rest of the world should be happy forever. Mary couldn’t believe she had caused such a beautiful sound from such a beautiful person.
“You see, I could do that, but then that would ruin the opportunity for me to make you buy me a new iced coffee to make up for the one I spilt this morning. And I, Lily Evans, am not one to pass up free coffee,” she declared, dramatically jutting out her chin and placing her hands on her hips.
Lily Evans. That was her full name. Mary wanted to run her fingers across each letter and feel them, taste them. Oh, am I so screwed.
And so they had walked back inside to the small booth in the back of the café where they chatted away and Mary bought Lily a coffee. Mary got to hear the symphony that was lily’s laugh multiple more times that day and each day after that since they became quick friends. Mary’s crush on Lily never truly went away, but it became something that she ignored. They lived together after all, and she wasn’t going to ruin another friendship after attempting a relationship, (they had broken up with Sirius the day after meeting Lily, the sentiment had been mutual, and Remus had asked Sirius out just a few days later. Sirius accepted, with Mary’s blessing of course, and she had never seen Sirius more happy nor had they ever been more happy for them) but then there was also the issue of James. Lily’s longtime boyfriend, James.
Funnily enough, Mary had actually met James before and hadn’t known it, just as Lily had met Sirius before and hadn’t know. When Mary was first introduced to Sirius’ best friend James Potter, they had been told that his name was Prongs. Prongs was a nickname that James had gone by since grade school and to which Sirius refuses to explain the origin story for (though he laughs every time Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is mentioned), just as Lily had met Sirius under his nickname of Padfoot. Mary had only ever called James “Prongs” and Lily had only ever known Sirius as Padfoot so they were unaware that they already had a mutual connection. Mary had nothing against James. She actually quite liked him and considered him one of their best friends, but she had to admit that a little bit of jealousy and maybe even a twinge of hate bubbles in them each time she sees the two of them together. No matter how much they might like Lily, she wasn’t for breaking up a happy relationship. She’d rather suffer in silence.
Which brings us back to the reason why Mary is currently frozen in place in the doorway to their own apartment. Lily was painting again. This was no unusual occurrence since her job was literally painting, but today Lily was standing in front of a canvas with her hair in a messy bun with a paintbrush stuck through it to hold it in place. She was wearing a pair of overalls which had one side of it undone and slung over her back with nothing but a sports bra underneath. Lily was staring at the canvas with a furrow in her brows and a look of concentration. No matter how many times Mary saw her like this, they never got used to it. Lily Evans was dreadfully beautiful, and it took her breath away.
With a deep sigh, Mary spoke into the peacefully quiet room and looked longingly at the work of art that was in their living room while only sparing the canvas next to her a passive once over. “Hey, Lils, I’m back from work,” Mary called with feigned excitement and a forced smile, “You’ll never guess what one of my clients said to me today.”
And so the cycle continues where Lily listens to a story of one of Mary’s psychotic clients, (“why does the fur on this rug have stripes? I had specifically asked for it to have zebra print!”) and Mary pretends that they’re not hopelessly in love with her best friend.