If I could give you the moon

Lils: Go to living room. Want to show you something! :)

Mary didn’t know why Lily always texted her. They lived together, it would take all of two seconds for Lily to walk into her room and grab Mary, or for her to simply yell for her. They were never very far from each other, so it truly didn’t make sense why Lily preferred to contact her via cell phone.

Usually, Lily would message them to come look at a painting she was currently working on and give her opinion. Mary was always more than happy to do so as well since they absolutely adored Lily’s work. The first time she had seen a piece of her’s (it had been a pencil sketch of the four boys - James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter) and Mary remembers thinking how unfair it was that someone who was already so perfect happened to be insanely talented as well. In the drawing, she had managed to capture a moment where the boys all looked like there was no place they would rather be. The shot was obviously candid, because the expressions on each of their faces were openly affectionate, which was not unusual for James and Sirius, but more so for Remus. James was depicted with his arm slung across Peter’s shoulders, while he rubbed his knuckles at Sirius’ hair at the same time. Peter was comfortably leaning into James’ embrace with his face split in a wide grin of pure joy, while Sirius was shown with their head thrown back in laughter. Mary’s favorite part - Lily’s too as she had expressed on occasion - was that if you looked closely you could see the very tip of his pinkie interlocked with Remus’. Remus, who was less accustomed to public displays of affection, had a small, peaceful smile directed at Sirius. His face looked so relaxed in that position, as if that was how he was always meant to look. As if Remus Lupin was always meant to be looking at Sirius Black. The drawing was entrancing and Mary felt a pull towards it, but she couldn’t tell whether it was from the attractive energy of the people shown or if it was from the artist herself. In any case, all of Lily’s work was sure to be excellent, so although Mary would never understand why she always received a text rather than a verbal conversation, they were always delighted to witness her friend’s genius.

Mary set down her phone and walked into the living room, their head down as they followed the movements of the tea swishing in her cup.

“What’s it this time, Lils? More portraits of your beloved Jamesie?” She had been really into drawing portraits lately. Mary tried to not focus on the fact that a fair chunk of them were of James. “Or maybe this time you’ve gone rogue and drew from a nude model? Or maybe-“

Before she had time to inquire more about Lily’s supposed new piece, their eyes caught on something unusual. First, she registered the fact that there was no paint out, as well as no canvas. There wasn’t any music playing either, (she preferred to work with background noise, typically ABBA. One time Mary walked into the room while “Does Your Mother Know?” was playing, and had simply watched from aside as Lily swayed her hips along to the tune while biting her bottom lip which was fighting the urge to smile. Mary had had to remove themself from the room before she said something incriminating) which meant that she wasn’t painting or drawing. Mary then registered the fact that although there was no music, there was the sound of someone laughing. Not just someone, Marlene, whose laugh she had grown to know and love.

Searching for where the sound was coming from, Mary began to walk forward as their eyes scanned the room, and that’s when she saw it.

Laying flat on her back on the couch was Marlene, while Lily stood off to the side with her hand covering her mouth, concealing a laugh. On Marlene’s chest was what appeared to be a small kitten, who happened to be pawing at his septum piercing and as Mary approached closer they noticed that they were also purring quite loudly. The entire scene was just so painfully adorable that Mary just watched for a moment, before she had the sense to quickly grab the nearest phone (Marlene’s) and take a photo. After a few more seconds of fondly admiring the scene, Mary spoke.

“So this is what I was summoned for?” They said with faux annoyance. “I’ve got to admit I’m a little disappointed, I was expecting to be confronted with an original Tableau à la Lily. Instead I got a cat. Does that sound like a fair trade to you? Does it?”

Marlene stopped her giggling for a moment and traded it for a wide-eyed look in which her mouth hung open. He slapped her hands over the purring kitten’s ears and switched to pinning Mary with a death stare.

“Don’t you dare talk about Katy Purry that way! She’s right here, you twat!”

“The name is still up for debate, but it is indeed what I summoned you for, Lady Macdonald,” Lily cut in with an official sounding, posh accent. “Do state your opinion on the matter at this moment, or forever hold your peace. Keep in mind, there is a wrong answer here.”

“My apologies, Your Honor, I didn't realize the importance and elegance of the matter. If you will forgive me, I will now do as you asked, Madame Evans. I do declare that-“

“If you two don’t mind,” Marlene interrupted, continuing with the accents they had been using, but then catching himself. “Oh for the love of-“ she continued, somehow seeming even more anguished, now dropping the accent, “Mary, would you just come over here and look at our new kitten that you’ll pretend to hate but actually love?”

Mary groaned, but obliged, because Marlene was entirely right. She wasn’t the least bit mad that they had a new addition to their little family dynamic. It seemed as if it were unspoken, but painfully obvious the roles that the three of them played within their apartment.

Mary was the dad who came home after a long day of work and wished to take a nap due to a tiresome day of dealing with people, but rather than sleep, spent time with their family. No matter how difficult a day has been, it had been established as an actual rule in the Evans-Macdonald-McKinnon household (yes they had fought over the order in which their names would go, but inevitably Lily had won when she proposed alphabetical order) that they would never blow each other off, but talk about their issues. So when Mary gets home from work at 6, she brings interesting stories and fresh bread for dinner.

Marlene was the teenager who was still stuck in their rebellion years. She did everything with passion, as if there was a fire blazing within him that couldn’t be ignored. She had ambition like no other, and Mary thought that if one day they called him and asked for help burying a body, that Marls would be there in an instant and with a shovel. If he believed in something, she would make sure you knew his stance and would fight with every last bit of strength he had. On the other hand, she could also be one moody bitch.

Lily would be the mum, namely because she doesn’t allow herself to breathe unless she makes sure that everyone else has enough air first. She would rather take care of others than herself, which is an admirable trait and something that Mary loves about her, but it also makes them fear for Lily. On one particularly frightening occasion, Lily had burnt herself out so completely that she couldn’t get out of bed for two days since she lacked energy and motivation. This had happened before, but not quite as severe. It had been a busy week in which Lily had to get two rather large paintings done by Saturday, but she had been suffering from artist’s block which was frustrating enough as is. Then on top of that Marlene had asked her to bake a cake for his girlfriend, Dorcas, whose birthday was on that Thursday.

“Why can’t you just buy a cake?” Lily had reasonably inquired.

“Because, Lily, my dear, my love, my light, I told her that I would personally make the cake, but I’m shit at baking and Dorcas loves your baking anyways! She told me so herself. It’s so obvious to tell when a cake is bought versus homemade, and I don’t want her to think that I’m not putting effort into this,” had been Marlene’s half-assed retort.

“But Marls, you aren’t putting any effort in-“

“Lils, pleaseeee,” he had whined. Eventually Lily gave in because she knew she would never deny one of her friends something that they needed no matter what it was. It wasn’t Marlene’s fault anyways, since she had no clue what Lily had been going through. In addition to her selfless tendencies, Lily also had a slight martyr complex. She never told anyone about her struggles because she didn’t want to burden the people who she knew were going through their own ordeals, so how was Marlene to know that she hadn’t the time?

It was just the same as how Mary hadn’t known either, so when they got off of work early Wednesday afternoon and stopped by the apartment to surprise Lily by taking her out to lunch, she had not a singular clue that it wasn’t a good time. Lily always worked from home although she had access to a studio, so it was more likely than not that she was in and could do with some fresh air anyways.

“Honey I’m home!” Mary had shouted into the apartment, jingling her keys in the process of closing the door. “Hold onto your panties, Evans, because you’ll never believe where we’re going for lunch. Drum roll please… The Hog’s Head! Nothing like some greasy chips to get your creative juices jumping.”

Mary had at the very least known that Lily was currently struggling with artist’s block, which was partially why they thought an outing would be helpful. This entire plan of hers evidentially would not be put into action when she couldn’t find Lily. They looked around the living room, the small area where there was a bay window with a view over the city where she sometimes sat, and her bedroom, but still nothing. After thoroughly searching the entire apartment and coming up empty handed, Mary had called James as a last resort. He picked up on the second ring.

“Mary, thank god, I was just about to call and tell you.”

Mary couldn’t help the way her heart rate rapidly increased. What if something was wrong?

“Tell me what?” They inquired. It wasn’t her fault if there was a slight edge in their voice. She was panicking and didn’t like the way James knew something about Lily that they didn’t.

“So I had rung Lily to see if I could stop over later to watch a movie with her, right? I know she’s been on a musical kick lately so I was gonna suggest either Mamma Mia 2 since we’re both borderline in love with young Donna, or Tick, Tick, BOOM!” - he actually had yelled the “BOOM!” - “since, y’know, Andrew Garfield. I’ve always thought that bloke looks a bit like our boy Remus, which thinking about it now, it makes sense seeing as when I was 16 I actually had a massive crush on him-“

Mary felt herself aging with each moment that James continued to drone on with his James-like nonsense. They usually found it entertaining, but now it wasn't anything but irritating.

“Potter, if you don’t get to the point…” she practically growled.

“Right, right sorry,” he said shakily as if he had truly lost sight of the direction that his thoughts were meant to be following. “So I was going to call her, and right as I called her she was actually calling me and I was like ‘wow, this is great timing!’”

“Let the records show that you are the definition of a himbo.”

“Now look who’s interrupting,” James tsked “it was great timing but I could hear that something was obviously wrong because her voice was doing that thing where it’s all calm but when she breathes it sounds like a crying dolphin,” - this was an accurate description - “which made me concerned so I asked if everything was okay. When she tried to respond the sound was all muffled and I heard what I assumed was wind in the background. I asked her where she was but this time she just didn’t answer and then she hung up,” there was a long pause and he breathed very deeply. “I’m scared, Mare. What if something is seriously wrong? I haven’t been able to get through to her phone since. It’s been five minutes which doesn’t sound like a lot but so much can go wrong in that amount of time.”

“I know, I know,” said Mary, attempting to console James and themself she suspected, “we’ll find her, we just have to think. Where does Lily go when she wants to be left alone or when she needs an escape…” and suddenly it clicked. “James, listen I’ve got to run. I think I know where she is.”

“Wait, Mary, tell me. I’ll meet you there just-” but the line had gone dead due to the fact that Mary had already hung up and was sprinting out the door.

She was moving faster than time itself because she had solved it. Okay, they knew it wasn’t a competition between herself and James as to who could find Lily first, but if it were one, Mary had won. They knew Lily just a little bit better than James. It would have been more satisfying if she weren’t bounding up the steps to the roof two at a time racing to find her best friend though.

After reaching the top step and throwing open the door, Mary caught sight of flaming red hair and instantly exhaled. Lily was lounging in a beach chair, asleep, and with a cigarette in her hand in which the end was still slightly alight. This wouldn’t have been too awfully concerning if it weren’t for the fact that Lily smoked very rarely (mostly when she was stressed, but it was a bad habit that she had been adamant about wanting to quit) and if it weren’t the dead of Winter. Mary gingerly slipped the cigarette from her friend’s hand and took a drag. They could lie and say it was to test to see how recently it had been lit, but the simple truth was that she was cold and wanted to taste whatever Lily tasted. Wanted to taste the harsh burn of the smoke which always left her with the peculiar feeling that they were being cleansed, yet simultaneously dirtied, because Lily had tasted it. They wanted to feel it between her lips and find comfort in the fact that it had been in the same place, but on a beautiful redhead rather than herself. But she also wanted to taste the things that were Lily. Her honey chapstick that she always wore which lingered on it and left behind a slightly sticky remnant on the cig. Mary inhaled and exhaled. After a few more seconds in which she attempted to slow their heartbeat, she stubbed out the cigarette and walked over to Lily’s side. She looked peaceful, but the evidence against that was shown in the dark circles under her eyes. I should’ve known, she thought. Mary lightly placed their hand on Lily’s shoulder but retracted it instantly. Her already pale skin had been freezing and had a slightly blue hue to it now that Mary looked closer. I should’ve known, I should’ve known, I should’ve known, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, her mind chorused. Placing their hand on Lily's shoulder once more - whether it was shaking from fear or the cold, they didn't know - , she lightly shook her arm.

“Lils, love, wake up,” they softly said, “it’s ok, come on, wake up now.”

Lily’s eyes had moved under her eyelids and then when she opened her eyes they had a question in them. It then occurred to Mary that Lily was confused and probably hadn’t meant for any of this to happen. She would be embarrassed and probably angry with Mary later for seeing her at such a time of weakness, but they would cross that bridge when they got to it.

The bright green of Lily’s eyes now looked gray and hazy which could be blamed on the sleep she had just been in, but more hauntingly so, it was almost as if a storm had invaded the sky and cast smoke-like clouds above the forests of Lily. The sunshine that was usually a constant factor now dimmed significantly, a presence that had been a guiding light within the forest, now lost itself and directionless. Mary wanted to sob. She took off her jacket which she hadn’t taken off when she got home and draped it over Lily’s shoulders which were now trembling. Mary had begun to lift her, but even in her current state Lily was stubborn and protested.

“I may be exceedingly tired but I’m not incapable,” she had rolled her eyes while saying.

And so Mary had held her freezing hand while they both made their way downstairs and back into the safety of their apartment. Lily had gone into her room to get changed into something warmer, but she had ended up falling into a deep sleep which lasted for almost the entire day, and left her unwilling to get up the following. Mary didn’t have the heart to wake her since she so clearly needed the extra hours. After making three cups of tea - one for Lily in case she woke up, one for Marlene who was due to be home in less than an hour, and one for herself - they rang James who was surely panicking to let him know that everything was okay.

He let out a deep breath of air, “Thank you so much, Mary, I was on the verge of a heart attack. I had just about decided that I was going to come over to your guys’ place when you called.” He paused, and then said “Just out of curiosity though, how did you know Lily would be on the roof? I didn’t even know that she stress smoked.”

The truth was that something similar had happened before, more than once most likely, but only one previous time Mary had been there for. It was their junior year of college and Lily had been so overwhelmed from course work and the numerous clubs that she was apart of that she hadn’t slept for three days straight. Mary had found her on the roof of their building where they lived off campus with her knees tucked into her chest and a cigarette in her hand yet again. This had been during a particularly nice weathered day of Spring so it wasn’t nearly as cold, but that didn’t make the situation any better.

“I live with her, James, I’m bound to recognize her habits - good and bad. The same goes for Marls. I could tell you that when he gets stressed she goes to the bakery on Locust Lane and orders one of each type of pastry, sits there staring at them for a while trying to decide with to eat first, stresses out over that as well, then ultimately ends up ordering a coffee to go and bringing home the pastries.”

“Fair enough,” James had replied, but Mary didn’t say anything more, not wanting to worry James further with their theories and suspicions that Lily might need help.

Since then Lily has still neglected to get help, but Mary didn’t push it. Marlene still didn’t know about that one terrifying day either, because when he got home from work Mary had told her that Lily had caught a bad stomach flu and wouldn’t be up for anything much, so Mary had decided that rather than have Lily push her away by mentioning a problem, that she would have to be more observant. If Lily seemed to be working too much, Mary would force her to take a break and offer to help in any way possible, which usually meant just sitting with her and keeping her company which she was glad to do.

Mary had to admit that she was delighted at the thought of adding a pet to their family, not only because she was adorable, but also because they thought it might be good for Lily. The kitten could distract her and prevent her from isolating herself while also providing a comforting presence. It honestly was kind of perfect, Mary thought. She walked around to the other side of the couch and began scratching behind the ear of Katy Purry (they would most definitely have to discuss a different name) and smiled dopily at her.

“So,” Mary began, “what made you decide to get this little guy anyways?”

“Oh,” Lily said, immediately a flush coloring her cheeks with a pink hue, “James actually got her for me. He said that it was ‘an early Valentine’s Day present’ for whatever reason. I think he’s planning to do something stupid on the actual day and didn’t want to overwhelm me, but you know him. Always the romantic that man is,” she giggled with a wistful look in her eyes.

Mary felt sick.

The soft happiness that they had felt a moment ago suddenly diminished as they felt their gaze harden. The words that she wanted to say turned to acid in their mouth and all that was left were hollow combinations of letters which lacked meaning.

“Well isn’t that sweet of him, Ms. Purry,” was the only thing that made its way through her clouded thoughts and heavy tongue.