I Want To Know Everything
“Here.” Regulus breathed out, a bit out of breath from the trip back up to Sirius’ room. He was anything but definitely not an athlete.
James could be an athlete, he wondered suddenly, then completely pushed it away. Not the time.
“Correct me if I’m wrong but did the kitchens relocate to another country?” Sirius grumbled but was not a bit displeased with having to wait, “I mean, I know I haven’t lived here in a while but I’m just making sure.”
“Tais-toi” He rolled his eyes as he climbed over the window sill, shoving the glass to Sirius’ chest, spilling a bit on his shirt.
“Much good that’ll be now.” He snarked, “I’m of clear and perfect mind.”
“Just drink it, will you?” Because, he really wasn't.
“Are you trying to poison me, Reg?”
“Yes.” He lied with absolute earnesty.
“Liar. If you did, I'd send my ghost to haunt you.” He pointed to the air with his index finger then drank down the water in one gulp, holding the empty glass out in front of him in success. Show off.
“I ran into your friend.” Regulus admitted after a beat of silence, leaning back against the wall next to his brother. He didn’t mean for it but the way he said it sounded almost guilty, like admitting to a crime he didn’t actually commit.
“Oh really? Yeah, James is great.” He nodded cluelessly, “Peter’s a blast too, just wait for him to come back.”
“Yeah.”
Sirius held the glass in his hands, propping them up on his knees. The night air was growing cold and the stars more prominent against the darkened sky. Regulus softly beat his head back against the wall to some inaudible rhythm, the stone texture sure to leave an imprint in both their backs.
The two brothers remained silent, but in a good way, a silence that isn’t heavy and makes you nervous, but instead that flows between them mutually and brings a certain type of comfort that words never could.
The moon was a beautiful crescent opening a bit to a high right, Regulus noticed, allowing his tired eyes to fall instinctively into place, searching the darkness like someone who’s been there before.
Regulus’ liked coming out here, especially more when Sirius left. He never knew why, because it should’ve just served as some bad reminder but something about seeing the stars, the same stars that held his name, so far away made everything seem alright. Even just for a moment, even if he could convince himself that it was actually just hell forsaken muscle memory forcing his eyes to glance up and know exactly where to look.
Mm. And there it was.
Just a few paces from the waning moon, exactly where he knew they would be, shone the bright twinkling faces of starry constellations. He let himself connect the dots between them, drawing lines to paint beautiful images. It was something he used to do with Sirius as a child. Being taught from the moment he could speak, the myths and stories and more importantly, the ancestry behind each sparkling ball of light. About what it meant to be a part of that family, the most ancient and noblest of them all.
It was so much easier to look from afar, knowing that nothing could disrupt them there or change them or take them away. No one had to know how ugly and how dangerously fatal they could be up close because from afar, they were beautiful. They were stars.
One by one, he called silently on them by name.
Sirius was there, it was the brightest and was painfully hard to miss.
When Regulus would come out here when he was younger, he hated how vibrant that star was, cursing his parents for naming him after the one thing that he couldn’t avoid (among other things). It was like some cruel joke on all of them.
But now he could look calmly at both Sirius and his namesake and see his brother again instead of a traitor.
He remembered the night he left clearly, or as clearly as he could. There was nothing this house allowed him to remember that clearly. Most of his childhood faded and eroded from his mind, like the holes mice make in old cheese and the craters left in the moon. Whatever happened at Grimmauld Place stayed there and nothing escaped its clutches without Walburga’s permission.
Until Sirius.
“Hey, you’re out tonight.” Sirius pointed out, calling back to Regulus that he wasn’t alone on the roof.
Regulus knew that and a part of him knew that Sirius knew Regulus knew it but it was a welcome reminder that he noticed.
“Where?” Regulus asked, trying to sound confused because in truth, he knew exactly where the star would be, he just wanted to see if Sirius would continue. “I can’t see anything past that eyesore.” He smiled as he gestured his chin to Sirius’ star.
“Hey!” His elbow nudged him in his side, then used one hand to point a bit to the right where Regulus glittered among so many others. “You see it now?”
“Yeah,” Regulus nodded. He did see it. It was beautiful and perfect and sometimes he wondered how could a name to something so beautiful be given to him, someone so… Well, him.
“We should probably get you back downstairs, if you’re alright now,” Regulus cleared his throat, tearing his eyes from his star. “You might catch a cold out here or worse, your friends would miss your company.” He teased, dragging Sirius to the window.
“I don’t get colds,” Sirius lied, not letting himself be moved, “but yes, I’m sure James is mourning my absence.”
“Exactly,” Regulus tried again, the name recalling his recent encounter with him.
Sirius pulled away, setting the glass down beside him and wrapping his arms around his knees, resting his chin on top of them.
He looked younger like this. Like how he did when he was thirteen and Regulus would find him on the floor beside his bed, hiding from the world. He watched Sirius now and didn’t say anything. There was something he knew Sirius needed to say, so he waited patiently until he could.
“You know, when Maman called you up, I was almost jealous.” He whispered after a while of waiting, “c’est idiot, je sais.”
Regulus looked down at the roof tiles and waited again, not having the words to compensate.
“I know it’s horrible and it’s even more horrible that you have to go through it, but I don’t know, a part of me still thought- I don’t know.”
“It’s just hard because I hate them so much Reg, I do, so I just don’t understand why I wish I didn’t.” He continued.
Regulus felt a sick knott return to his stomach, he knew exactly what Sirius meant and if he let it, it would swallow them both whole.
“They’re still family, Sirius.” Regulus let out a tired breath, looking again at the stars from where he straddled the window sill. “As much as we wish they weren’t.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-” Sirius tried to patch up, to swallow back up his words.
“I thought about leaving.” Regulus broke in, trying to deter Sirius from the rabbit hole he knew he could fall into when trying to apologise for something that didn’t even require it.
Sirius’ head lifted but none of them spoke.
“What?”
“It was the heat of the moment and I don’t know, I had it all out and- I just thought about leaving.”
“Reg,”
“C’est idiot, je sais.” He concentrated on the sky, he didn’t want Sirius to see him, “I wouldn’t even know what to do or where to go, or anything and I just can’t. They’re all I have. It’s just- I just- choosing is just so much harder.” Regulus let his head fall back on the window. He sort of hoped Sirius didn’t catch on to the last bit.
“Reg, no it’s not silly at all. You do have more than them, you have me. I know I complain but believe me, it’s so much better without them, trust me please. You could come stay with me and we’ll get everything sorted from there, I swear.” Sirius turned to him, practically begging and making Regulus wish he hadn’t said anything at all.
It reminded him too much of before. Because yes, Sirius did leave him but he also begged him to come with him.
Every time he’d see Regulus at school or bump into him in the corridors (which wasn’t offen due to Regulus keenly avoiding him), he’d beg him to leave and come with him. His pride got the best of him every time and told Sirius to piss off.
Now, he was being thrown back there, every hurt nerve coming back to remind him that he had a choice. But this time he was older and he and Sirius were better, so maybe he could do this, let Sirius help him.
It was all connected, if you really thought about it, Sirius’ talk about wanting to hate them and Regulus not being able to bring himself to leave because of it.
“We shouldn’t talk about this here. Trop d'écoute.” He looked at Sirius, who looked shot of any drink now and sorely desperate. He didn’t push Regulus any further because they both knew it had to be a choice Regulus had to make. A dreaded, awful, too-easy-to-be-real choice but a choice nonetheless.
“Right.” Sirius sighed.
“It was just a thought.” Regulus said again, trying to make it clear to Sirius that this wasn’t a black and white thing.
“I know.”
“Let’s go, I want to say hello to Andy before they scare her off.” Regulus said, reaching out to pull his brother through the window, who came willingly this time.
“Race you down the stairs?” Sirius asked, his face beaming with newfound excitement as they exited Regulus’ room. They had to go back for Regulus’ jacket because he didn’t exactly feel like having another run in like the one he had with Bellatrix. She had been tame that time, especially for her.
“What?” Regulus looked at his brother sceptically, straightening out his sleeves. Their mother was specifically against her children making any noise or commotion (or anything else she deemed inappropriate or an embarrassment) and running was high on her list of unforgivables.
“To race, Regulus, do you want to race?” Sirius sighed and carried each syllable out dramatically to make himself crystal clear.
“You’re delusional.” He scoffed.
“Am I? Or are you just scared I’ll win.”
Regulus rolled his eyes and huffed under his breath in rebuttal.
Sirius took this as a challenge and started off down the long corridor, intentionally stepping on every part of the floor that whined and made noise. Regulus was hesitant to follow, as he was with most things, but caught up to him quickly.
He was only a few feet behind him when they reached the stairs. Sirius scrambled down them, taking them two at a time, as fast as he could, turning his head every couple of seconds to keep an eye on Regulus who was inching closer and closer. Regulus’ lungs were already starting to ache as he let his hand glide over the railing, moving at a fast pace down the stairs, carefully watching so he wouldn’t trip. He could hear the music and chatter from the party as they sank lower and lower through the house.
“C’mon Reg, you’re making this too easy for me!” Sirius teased with an infectious grin, grabbing the railing and spinning himself sharply around the corner, descending down the second to last set of stairs.
Regulus didn’t respond, trying to conserve his breath but he laughed, making an effort to speed up. He turned the corner seconds after his brother and listened to Sirius’ banter echo off the walls. “You’re cheating!” He finally shot back, taking deep breaths in between each word.
They finally made it down the stairs and were running shoulder to shoulder down the last corridor until they would be inevitably pushed back into the swarming reality of high class decadence.
“You go this way, I’ll go that way.” Sirius nodded in two directions as they neared the door, still maintaining a healthy speed. A speed that wasn’t even that fast but seemed to be nearly killing Regulus’ lungs but also one that Sirius refused to let die down. “Ils ne pourront pas nous attraper tous les deux” He smiled slyly and slapped Regulus lightly on the shoulder before taking off in said direction.
“Trou du cul” he shook his head breathlessly, smiling as he went the opposite way. It wasn’t likely that they’d get in trouble for this now, not with so many people here entertaining and distracting their parents but he played along with Sirius anyway.
He slowed down as he entered the room but clearly not enough because for the second time that night, Regulus felt a weight crash into his chest, sending him to regain his balance.
“Merde” he cursed, backing up to straighten out his suit which was messed up from running and now a collision with some sure to be drunken idiot.
“Didn’t expect you to be a runner.”
“Excuse me?” Regulus’ eyes shot up, revealing James who seemed to be in a similar state as himself, adjusting his shirt and running a hand through his hair. It was probably meant to fix it but the action just made it stick up more.
“Nothing,” James laughed and met his eyes, “Just a little shocked. Wasn’t really expecting anyone to be falling into me, is all.”
“Well, I didn’t fall and I didn’t mean to run into you,” Regulus cleared his throat, trying to backtrack and somewhat excuse his formerly rude tone. “Sirius made me.” He gestured to the door behind him from where he came.
“Ah, that makes sense.”
“Yeah.”
They stood inches apart from each other now as the crowd around them pushed against their backs and throbbed like a living thing, breathing in and out and in and out, forcing them to speak a little louder to battle the noise.
“Are you having a good time?” Regulus felt himself asking, feeling almost obliged to keep conversation alive, if there had been one at all.
“It’s alright, I don’t know many people.” James admitted, looking around and then back at Regulus. Clearly pleased that he had been asked.
There was something about James Potter that made Regulus want to do things. To speak more and to suffer large crowds to keep him company. He barely knew the boy but there was something that made him want to just stand there in front of him and simply look at him.
“Didn’t you come in with your friends?”
“Yeah,” He looked around again, not really keeping eye contact for very long.
“Aren’t they enough?”
“Yeah but I like to meet new people,” James looked at him now, a look that made a delicate spark light in Regulus’ stomach. “To try new things.”
James had wonderfully warm brown eyes that seemed to be more hazel in this lighting, rather than the dim kitchen light from before, and Regulus could almost feel himself being pulled into them.
“I’m afraid not all people are worth meeting.” Regulus countered, still trying to get his breath under control. From the running, obviously.
“Yeah, but the ones that are,” James took in a breath of his own and held it for a second before letting it out again, still looking directly at Regulus.
Regulus stayed like that, waiting, not wavering until James broke again and looked down at the floor, smiling as he did.
“Can I- can I get you a drink?” James chucked, furrowing his eyebrows and looking to and from Regulus’ eyes with interest.
“I don’t drink.” Regulus replied flatly but then corrected, “I don’t drink much .”
“Can I ask why?”
“No.” Yet another thing Regulus didn’t need to get into tonight.
“Okay yeah, fair enough.” James nodded, rubbing the back of his neck, “Listen I-”
Before Regulus could find out what James was going to say, he was cut off by the untimely saving of his friends.
“Where’ve you been?” Barty asked, throwing an arm around Regulus, swinging back the flask he’d brought Evan and eyeing the boy standing in front of him with a narrowed glare. Barty knew where Regulus had been, he was with Sirius and he’d told him, but this was just how Barty got so Regulus played along.
“I’ve been busy.” Regulus answered, still looking at James who was holding his gaze again.
“You don’t say.” Barty laughed coolly, “You seem like a right taught bloke, Potter, your mother ever teach you to keep away from things that aren’t yours?”
“What?” James looked from Regulus to Barty, clearly confused.
“Barty.” Regulus scolded under his breath, feeling the weight of Barty’s arm wrapped around him.
“You heard me.” He persisted, ignoring Regulus almost entirely.
A few seconds later, Barty was interrupted by the very timely arrival of Evan and Pandora.
“Potter,” Evans greeted with a slight upward tilt of his head.
“Rosier.” James sent back carefully.
Barty looked from James to Evan then promptly took his other arm (the one that wasn’t curling tighter around Regulus) and threw it around Evan, dragging him close as if talking to James could somehow steal them both away.
Barty had always been a jealous and overprotective person about pretty much everything and everyone, and dramatically at that, not unlike Regulus himself. But the difference was that they had different ways of going about it. Barty held no shame in showing it, very literally making it known what he believed to be his, sort of narrowing down and letting everything else blur into the background. So much so that it usually ended up boiling up to the surface and spilling over, and it did. A lot.
Regulus on the other hand, well...
Regulus snatched the flask from his friend and pocketed it, deciding that Barty needed no more.
“I thought you didn’t drink.” James quizzed, watching curiously as Regulus’ fingers spun the lid on tight.
“He doesn’t.” Barty answered for him.
“I don’t.” He echoed, the corners of his lips playing with a hint of a smirk. He sort of liked that James was kept in the dark, that to him, he was a mystery with a thousand possible answers. It was better this way.
“Excuse their bad manners, James,” Pandora spoke, shoving them off, “they’re all bark and no-,” She turned back and visibly reassessed her statement, deciding to just stop there, “how are you finding things?”
“Brilliantly,” James smiled, “Regulus and I were just talking about that.”
“Were you now?” She asked, sharing a similar smile as she glanced back at Regulus.
“Yes.” Regulus gritted.
“So, you’re friends with Sirius, yeah?” Barty asked, his tone a bit cooled now but still keeping a very close leash around Evan, while his arm around Regulus thankfully slacked a bit.
“Yeah, I came with him.” James replied, looking slightly unsteady as Regulus’ friend stared challengingly at him, “Better go find him, actually.”
“That sounds right.”
“Barty.” Regulus warned again, breaking Barty’s trance and relieving James of his attempt at intimidation. For anyone else it would have worked because Barty could truthfully be pretty scary, but Regulus knew him too well and for too long that it didn’t faze him as anything more than normal now. Maybe a little irritating and comical at times, but that was it.
James looked at the exchange between Barty and Regulus and then turned his head as his hand raked through the back of it, looking for Sirius no doubt, just to have something to do. Some people might’ve found it almost sweet.
Almost.
“I’ll um, see you around, Regulus.” James finally said, his voice lingering on Regulus’ name like it was something special. Like it was some important thing that he couldn’t bear to part with. A small detail that Regulus wasn’t sure was even there but it replayed in his mind anyway.
Regulus didn’t respond but he gestured that he would as James turned back into the crowd and left, leaving him feeling a little incomplete. Weird.
“Regarde ce que tu as fait, you scared him off.” He heard Pandora whisper to Barty, who’s attention was stolen by Evan again (as it usually was) and were murmuring things back and forth to each other that remained inaudible to the rest of them, smacking him lightly on his shoulder.
“English, Pandora. English .” He waved his hand, finally releasing Regulus and looking at his shoulder like Pandora had burned him.
“Oi, let me go too.” Evan complained, slapping playfully at Barty’s arm that was still slung around his chest.
“Only if you say please.” He sing-songed.
“Prick.”
“Yeah okay, not the word I was looking for.”
“Still relevant.”
“Fine, have it your way, I guess you’re mine now, Rosier.” Barty looked up and smiled slyly, very pleased with the situation he’d put them in.
Evan fought without any real effort for a good minute and then finally gave up, letting himself go weak against Barty’s arms.
“Okay, okay, get off me.” Barty finally conceded, shoulders arching forward slightly at the dead weight, though still not letting Evan drop to the floor.
Evan immediately regained his form and strength in his legs, pushing out of Barty’s grasp. They traded playful sneers and they started nudging each other back and forth for good measure before Evan pulled Pandora to play shield in between them.
“This is between you two, I want nothing to do with it.” She raised her hands up near her head.
“Yeah Rosier, this is between me and you.” Barty stared at him but not a glint of malice in his voice. His eyes glittered brightly (as they often did when looking at Evan) and his teeth edged near the bottom of his lip.
“Have I ever told you that you look lovely in this lighting, Bartemius?” Evan tilted his head like he was trying to get a better look at Barty’s face, resorting quickly to flattery. His arms were softly wrapped around Pandora but he didn’t seem to notice when she ducked low and escaped, not wanting to get stuck between the two. Regulus didn’t blame her.
“Is that so?” Barty grinned.
“Yes it is, don’t you agree?” Evan looked at Regulus and Pandora for back up.
“Now that you mention it,” Pandora played along, putting a hand up to block the light for comparison.
“I don’t know, he still looks pretty shit to me.” Regulus said with dry humour.
Barty stuck out his tongue at Regulus and pulled a face with a teasing glint in his eye, “You know you love me, Black,” then turned back to where Evan was standing, rolling his hand in the air, “Please, Evan, do go on.”
And he did.
Before long, Evan had weaselled his way back into Barty’s good favour (not that he ever really left it), and the pair had become inseparable once again. Regulus and Pandora shared a knowing glance before her face lit up.
“Regulus, J'ai une bonne idée,” She beamed but it seemed like a whisper among all the other voices, “Let's go see the garden.”
“Oh you absolute fool! What were you thinking?” Pandora laughed, lightly smacking his forehead with lace covered fingers, just hard enough so that Regulus’ head rolled back, his face pulling a sour distressed look.
“I wasn’t-” He defended weakly, bringing his head back to drop in his hands.
“Clearly, seeing as you ran off and hid behind the stairs” She flung her hands up again, pacing in long circles in front of where he sat on the stone bench.
“Oh shut up, nothing would’ve even happened,”
“Reg, you literally told me- and I quote- that you were having a shit freak out moment and then he came in and told you how nice you looked and how it all vanished, and then you said something about his eyes and that there was energy ? literally what are you on about?” She stopped in place to face him, glueing her hands on her hips. Regulus quickly looked down at the grass below him, he forgot he’d told her that bit.
“He’s my brother’s best friend-” He looked back up at her as he countered with another reason, one that was very much valid.
“So?” She cocked her head casually.
“So, nothing would’ve happened.” He finished for her.
“But you wanted it to?”
Regulus said nothing but he knew his silence spoke volumes.
“And he wanted it to?”
“I don’t know.” He said, looking down again. Honestly, he hadn’t been making much sense even to himself about it all. Sure, James was attractive, very very much so, and he had pretty eyes that Regulus had caught him staring at him with multiple times and a voice that made his horrid thoughts vanish like fucking magic but you know, it wasn’t anything real, right. “No, he couldn’t have. He was just being nice.”
Originally, he wasn’t going to tell Pandora about his run ins (three times, now, and four with the unofficial eye flirting they did before he knew who he was) with James but let's be honest, she knew before he even knew.
Pandora always knew.
She looked at him once more and then continued pacing slowly. She had kicked off her shoes as soon as they got to the garden and was walking completely and shamelessly barefoot. She held the bottom of her dress lazily so that it wouldn’t get dirty but it didn’t seem to be doing that as the back still draped down low and grazed the wet blades of grass.
“You’re probably right,” She finally said from a few feet away, slowly making her way closer, attempting to walk in a perfect straight line. Heel to toe, one foot right after another.
“Right about what, exactly?” Regulus peered up at her, watching her easily try and balance herself.
“James. He was probably just making eyes at you all night and following you down to the kitchens- which he didn’t even know existed until then and alone, by the way- complimenting you, and then asking to get you a drink, just because he’s nice .” She swayed a bit then caught herself, still not looking at Regulus. All that in one breath.
“I don’t drink.” he murmured, not really knowing what else to say because there it was, all laid out.
“I know.”
Regulus sat for another minute, turning over the events of the past hour and a half or so repeatedly in his mind.
“He’s my brother’s best friend.” He said again without prompting because it was true and not saying wasn’t going to change it.
Pandora finally made her way back and plopped herself down beside him on the cold bench, swinging her legs up to sit criss-cross on top of each other beneath her pink dress.
“Look, I know, and all I’m saying is that you deserve some excitement. I want you to be happy and frankly, I don’t care in what shape or form it comes in, even if that shape is Sirius’ best friend.”
“You’re biassed.” He replied, a smirk pulling on the edges of his lips.
“Vous avez raison, monsieur.” She agreed, dragging out each word, “and between us, I don’t think Sirius would even mind that much.”
Regulus let out a short chuckle, “Yeah, right.”
“When have I ever been wrong?” He let her words sink in as he felt the cool air brush against his face. Pandora had a good track record about these things honestly, so it was wise for him to at least give it a second thought, maybe even a third.
“Don’t you think it’s all a bit strange, I barely know him.” Regulus turned to his friend again.
“I don’t think so. Time doesn’t always dictate feelings or connections, sometimes you just know, you know?” She nudged with her shoulder then immediately got up, impulsively twirling around in the grass. “But if it bothers you that much, then, get to know him.”
She lifted her arms above her head and waved them to the side, tilting her head back as a few more loose strands of hair fell around her face. She went still briefly then continued, swiftly going to grab her shoes (from where she’d thrown them by the bench) with one hand and used the other to pull Regulus up.
He thought about refusing but no one else was here and he didn’t have the energy to stop her. She spun him out and it all happened fairly fast. One minute he was dancing chaotically with Pandora and the next she was sending him a wink and disappearing into the maze of finely trimmed bushes leaving Regulus confused and very much alone.
No, he wasn’t alone.
Of course this was a set up.
If he believed at all in magic, he’d put in all his money that Pandora Lestrange was it, the sodding little witch.
“You.” Regulus sighed, taking a moment to examine delicate white flowers in the grass underneath his shoes before looking up at James, who was only a few paces out in front of him. His hands were tucked under his arms as he slowly dodged an overgrown rose bush and a large fountain that no longer spilled over but held stale mossy water.
“You.” He grinned the moment he saw Regulus, like he was the brightest thing he’d ever set eyes on. Regulus silently cursed himself for making this observation and then once again for letting his mind dwell over it.
“Is the party not entertaining enough for you, Potter?” He mused, circling back around to walk in the other direction. Not really trying to get away but just seeing if the boy would let him.
He didn’t.
“Not nearly enough.” James replied as he sped up to fall into place beside Regulus.
“You’re not actually supposed to be out here.” Regulus pressed.
“But you’re out here.”
“It’s my house.” He stated flatly, fighting for the indifference that usually came so easily.
There was a beat of silence after his words which made his throat tighten. Was he being rude again? Impolite? Good. Maybe James would just leave him alone to wallow in his pride and unfortunate decisions.
Regulus let himself look at James and despite what he thought, he looked quite content. Not a wrinkle of boredom or offence to be seen, and yes, Regulus was seeing him so clearly. His eyes hid behind his glasses but they hadn’t left Regulus’ face.
Oh, he was lovely.
This wasn’t fair.
“And I needed some fresh air.” He finished and looked away quickly.
Even with the dark night sky around them, with so many things to be afraid of, looking at James Potter was like looking at the fucking sun.
“I was actually looking for you.” James carried on like he hadn’t just stolen the breath out of Regulus and refused to give it back.
“And now that you’ve found me?” He looked around at the adolescent rose bushes (that Regulus had seen Kreacher plant just the week before) as he passed onto the proper walkway and into another thicket of growing plants. James followed.
“I just thought we should get to know each other, is all.” James reached out a hand from under his arm to cup the petals of a white rose beside him, “These are beautiful.”
Regulus nodded and watched James lean over to smell the flower. How he held the stem gently between his thumb and index finger without snapping it, how the bridge of his nose brushed the petals when he leaned too far into it and how that stupid rose would get to feel him breathe. It was so painfully unfair. It made Regulus want to push him into the bush and let the thorns devour him.
“You want to get to know each other?” Regulus repeated back at him and continued walking, unable to look at the boy any longer in fear for his safety.
“Yeah.” James caught up with him in seconds, walking close enough that his shoulder brushed against Regulus and lit his nerves on fire. Regulus buried a shudder that was desperate to escape and he felt his stomach turn over.
“Do you come out here often?” James asked, wandering further away from Regulus to explore the twisting trees and the spiralling ivy that stuck to the far wall behind them like glue.
“Sometimes, it depends.” Regulus murmured, watching how James moved in the dark.
“On what?”
“Nothing, really.” He shrugged while James stopped to give him an ‘ oh really ?’ look.
“So are you and Pandora? Um,” Regulus only heard James’ voice as the boy ducked under a loft of trimmly pruned tree branches.
“No,” He cut him off and met him on the other side. “We’re just friends.”
It was true. He and Pandora always were and always would be just friends, no matter what people assumed. For one, they were both happily queer in opposite directions and also, Pandora was more like his sister than anything else. She was his best friend, nothing more.
James nodded once then waited silently before continuing around the other bend, “What about Crouch?”
“What about him?” Regulus asked, not assuming until James made it clear what he was asking.
“It just seemed like you two had history, is all.”
“We do.” He agreed nonchalantly and it was sort of funny the way James looked up like a deer in headlights, “we’ve been friends since we were eleven.”
“But, nothing more?” James carried on cautiously.
“It was complicated.”
“Was?”
“ Was .” Regulus confirmed, meeting James’ eye, making the distinction perfectly clear.
When Regulus was fifteen, he’d kissed Barty. No, or was it Barty who kissed him? Either way, it happened and it happened again and again for some time. It was always on and off again and he can’t remember how exactly it happened or why but Barty was reckless and Regulus liked that.
It was all unofficial, really, and they never really talked about it, but it had been there. It was complicated and it was history, but it was .
Now, they just ignored it and there was some mutual understanding that they were strictly friends, which seemed to be the best for both of them. Sure, Barty still got jealous and insanely protective and joked about it but truthfully, that was just Barty being Barty. Whatever was between them was just that.
And besides, as they got older, Barty’s interest and fondness had been drawn towards another friend.
Regulus was more than happy to see it happen.
“Right.” James smiled faintly, coming out of the brush.
“Right.” Regulus echoed once again. He wasn’t sure why he felt the need to but it felt right, clinging to James’ words, altering them only by so much in his mouth, then sending them back.
“Good.”
Before James could get any closer, Regulus made an escape back under the tree branches, popping up on the other side unscathed, walking towards nowhere in particular. James was predictably quick to follow, the sound of his footsteps growing louder and louder until Regulus only had to tilt his head slightly to see him.
“You know, I still can’t believe we’ve never met before,” James pondered, shaking his head and looking around the garden. It was quite pretty tonight. “I mean, like officially and talked, it just seems so unlikely.”
“Not really.” Regulus disagreed.
“I mean, I’m your brother’s best friend and we did go to the same school for six years, and besides, you’re quite brilliant.”
“It was a big school and I wasn’t exactly up to speed with all of my brother’s friends back then.” Regulus looked down, ignoring the compliment. Was it a compliment?
Now that he thought about it, he had seen James before.
Of course, he didn’t know his name and only saw him in fleeting seconds, running down a corridor or at the train station. Other than that, all he knew was that James was the boy you could hear laughing from two classrooms down and that he was (as he was constantly reminded) his brother’s best friend. The face and the idea had just recently been tied together.
Which proved to be very unfortunate at the moment, because he’d never seen James this up close before and never alone and never under this many stars. And he really, truly, liked what he saw.
“Oh, yeah.” James’ smile faded like he did something wrong.
“Despite it.” Regulus whispered, trying to retrieve back his smile, “It’s been enchanting to meet you, James”
“Officially, I mean.” He added.
“And you as well. Officially.”
And there it was again.
The smile that could save him from the fiery pits of hell, Regulus was sure.
“So, what do you want to know?” Regulus steered away to sit down on another bench, not dissimilar to the one he and Pandora had previously sat on, except this one faced away from the house and opened up to another fountain in the distance, except this one worked.
He looked up at James softly, thinking over Pandora’s words. I want you to be happy and frankly, I don’t care in what shape or form it comes in, she’d said.
And how pretty he looked right now.
And between us, I don’t think Sirius would even mind that much, she’d also said. He really hoped she was right about that one because he could feel himself starting to give in.
“What?” James breathed, like he was being torn away from some grand train of thought.
When have I ever been wrong? Her voice came back to Regulus’ ears and alright fine, have it your way you witch, he went with it.
“You said you wanted to get to know each other,” he leaned forward to hold himself up on the seat’s edge, feeling the cold stone beneath him.
His eyes trailed him as James sat down beside him, throwing one leg on either side of the bench to directly face him, burying his hands deep underneath his arms again, no doubt to combat the night-time chill.
Regulus couldn’t bring himself to do anything else but look at him now, so he turned and there he was. “What do you want to know, James Potter?”
Their eyes locked in some informal challenge, one that they’d been in before, just to see who would back down first. James looked at Regulus with absolute awe and curiosity that could inspire millions.
“Regulus Black, I want to know everything.”