Embrasse-Moi
Everything.
That's what he said and he meant it.
James Potter wanted to know everything about Regulus Black.
He didn’t completely know what had sparked this interest or why he was sitting on a bench in the later part of the night asking Regulus to tell him, but he was here and he wanted to know everything .
“Ducks.” He blurted before he could think of anything else to say.
“What?”
“Ducks.” James said again, trying to play catch up with his mind. It really was hard to think with Regulus sitting so close in front of him, watching how his eyebrows pulled together slightly in confusion. It wasn’t fair, really. How was he supposed to think right when Regulus was just so, so- god, he didn’t even have the words.
“If I go too far or ask too much or if you just don’t want to tell me something, that’s okay,” he continued, trying to explain.
“Ducks.” Regulus repeated, tasting it as it bounced off the roof of his mouth.
A small selfish part of James hoped he’d never have to hear that word and Regulus would simply allow him every thought and every story and every crevice of his mind, but that was an unfair thing to ask. He’d just met him and even if he had known him for a thousand years, James knew that sometimes people left things unsaid for a reason.
“Ducks.” James tossed it back, like a game.
“You know,” He paused, “Sirius is afraid of ducks.”
James’ eyes widened, almost toppling forward, “No. Way.”
“How did I not know that!” He franticked playfully as Regulus watched. “Oh, you’re a devil, you are- I’m going to torment him with that forever.” He laughed and after a minute, Regulus laughed and oh, Regulus’ laugh made him laugh and he wanted the cycle to continue forever.
“No, you can’t tell him I told you!” He hushed him.
“Too late, it’s been said.” James crossed his arms as he caught his breath.
“Alright,” He calmed himself down as Regulus started to look out in the dark in front of them, “Let’s start easy. Favourite colour?”
“Ducks.” Regulus replied without hesitation.
“Really?” James arched his eyebrow, wondering if Regulus was being serious. Ha, Regulus being Sirius, he inwardly joked.
The funny thing was that Sirius did this type of thing too. He avoided small generic questions that would be easy for anyone else because genuinely, he didn’t know these types of things about himself like anyone else. He figured now that maybe it wouldn’t be surprising if that was the case for Regulus as well.
“Ducks.”
“Okay,” James didn’t ask again, “Favourite holiday?”
For a moment he thought Regulus might try and dodge the question again but he didn’t, “Spring.”
Spring. Regulus’ favourite holiday was spring and James tried not to imagine the boy surrounded in bright green with a dozen tiny flowers of all shades of white, purple, pinks, and yellow decorated in his hair, exposed skin glowing in soft spring sunlight.
“Mine is summer,” still a little lost in the mental image of how Regulus looked during springtime, “Oh- except for halloween. I love halloween.”
“Noted.”
The corners of Regulus’ lips gave hints of a smile and it took James more than a few seconds to remember that he was supposed to be asking questions. He could daydream later.
“What about sports, do you play? or have you? I don’t remember ever seeing you if you did.” James did sports while in school and he was rather good at them. He was captain during his last two years and though he knew they never met during school, he was sure he couldn’t have been so oblivious as to have missed Regulus altogether if he had played.
“I did.” Regulus admitted, “But not anymore. Not at all.”
“Wait, really? I swear I would’ve remembered you if you did”
“You probably weren’t looking for me,” He shrugged, turning to James so that his chin hid behind his shoulder, “and besides, it was when we were younger and it’s not like you knew who I was, if that makes you feel better.”
“Did you ever see me?”
“No.”
“Oh.” James felt a small pang of disappointment though he couldn’t quite gather why.
“But I heard of you.” Regulus’ lip twitched up again as he added, “How couldn’t I have, Sirius used to talk about you guys all the time and even after, from what I gathered, you were by far the loudest one there.”
“Not louder than Sirius” He countered halfheartedly.
“I’d bet you both could’ve easily blown out someone’s eardrums.”
James laughed softly, ducking his head and feeling his glasses start to slide down his nose, but looked up again when he felt Regulus push them gently back up with his index finger. A seemingly meaningless moment that sent his insides a buzz. Regulus looked away the instant his finger was torn from his face and didn’t look back for some time.
“What do you like to do?” James asked, hoping not to hear the word Ducks as he impatiently wanted the boy’s attention again.
“I read.” Came shortly after a few seconds, still facing the fountain in front of them, “listen to music, watch Pandora perform the occasional seance, speak advice to the devil. Whatever.”
“What do you tell him?”
“What?”
“The devil. What do you tell him?” James knew he was joking, he knew sarcasm blindly when he heard it, but he wanted to know anyway. Because if Regulus Black was a friend of the devil, James would kneel and beg wickedly to be called a sinner.
“Whatever I please.” Regulus leaned his head back on his shoulders as his hands found the rear side of the stone bench, propping himself up by it. His neck arced gracefully and James couldn’t help himself as his eyes glanced down to it. “Mostly I tell him to piss off and get laid.”
Without lifting his head, his face rolled to the side to look at James.
His eyes glittered with the reflection of the fountain and he looked like an oil portrait surrounded by bushes of pink and yellow roses. Similar to the picture he had previously imagined, but more serene.
“And what does he tell you,” James couldn’t even be bothered to laugh. It was funny, Regulus was funny, but inspecting his face so that he wouldn’t forget it if he decided to look away again seemed more important at the moment. Eager to learn every detail of him.
To know everything .
Or whatever Regulus would be willing to give him.
“You don’t want to know what he tells me.” He laughed without humour, looking away but this time, it was as if he went somewhere else.
As if he was further than turning his head a few inches from James (which James regretted saying anything at all, just to get those few precious inches back) but someplace he couldn’t be reached. His jaw clenched for the shortest of moments and then he returned.
Sirius did this too, James noted. It was odd how different the two brothers were but at the same time, when it came down to it, how incredibly similar they really were.
“But mostly he tells me to piss off and get laid.” Regulus shrugged lightly like he never left.
James laughed under his breath as he tried to bargain with his mind to sort through the hundreds of thousands of questions he still wanted to ask about Regulus Black. None of them seemed more or less imperative than the next, making it near impossible to choose. He wanted to know everything but now he didn’t know where to start.
“Do you, um, do you have a favourite book?” As he asked, he had a feeling that he might not get an answer.
“Ducks.”
“Why not?”
“I can’t choose which one’s my favourite.” Regulus offered with another light shrug, which was better than Ducks, James supposed.
“Why don’t you drink?”
“Ducks.”
“I mean, I’m not judging or anything, I think it’s great, I was just-” James rambled, realising as the words came spilling out that he was pushing it.
“Ducks, James.” Regulus said a little firmer, reminding him. That was fair.
“Thoughts on Bowie?” He changed the question.
“Bowie? Like David Bowie, the singer?”
“Yeah.”
“I know that my brother is in love with him.” It was true.
“Bowie’s brillant.” James awed.
“Sirius once superglued Bowie posters to his wall when he first started school,” Regulus reminisced, “It was funny because he was so proud of himself for it. Maman was furious though, she completely lost it, she-” Then he died off, swallowing down the rest of his sentence.
James had actually heard this story before, many times, in fact. Sirius was rather proud of it but Regulus probably didn’t know that James knew that. That James already knew a lot more about these stories than anyone else.
But until James heard it directly from him, he wouldn’t say another word about it.
“So you speak french?” James cleared his throat, changing the subject. A statement more than a question, he had heard him from inside talking to Sirius and he’d been meaning to bring it up.
“I do.”
“How long have you known? Sirius doesn’t speak it very often and he doesn’t really bring it up. Honestly, I think tonight is the most I’ve heard it from him.”
“It was our first language.” He explained, “But english was still a close second. We grew up in France but then we moved here when I was four.”
“That’s brilliant. I knew some Hindi as a kid,” James felt the need to add, “My dad used to speak it to me a lot but now I only really know a few words.”
“Really?”
“Really.” James beamed, delighted to have something that interested Regulus, “Tell me something in french.”
“Ducks.”
Regulus looked away and let his head fall so his chin hit his chest and his hair swept into a fringe across his eyebrows. The corners of his lips pulled out into a thin smile and it was almost mesmerising.
James gently pressed on but he didn’t feel guilty about doing so, seeing as Regulus let him, “Please, Regulus, just something short.”
“You’ve already heard me speak french.” but James disagreed, saying that it was too loud for him to really capture any true meaning or sound of it.
“Only if you say something in Hindi.” Regulus bargained after a few minutes of convincing.
“I don’t know anything, really. I told you, it was just a few words.” He laughed and shook his head.
“So?”
“Fine,” James straightened his back and propped his own hands back on the edge of the bench, still facing Regulus. “Mera pyaar.”
“What does it mean?”
“My love. I hear my dad call my mum it a lot.” He smiled at the memory. The love his parents had for one another always warmed his heart. Honestly, they were the reason he knew love could exist to begin with. “Now you.”
Regulus paused for a minute then turned slowly, throwing one leg over the bench to mirror James, with his arms folded across his chest. His back wasn’t as straight as it usually was but it wasn’t slouched either, and his ornate clothes still fit over him perfectly. He embodied a poised indifferent type of elegance and if James didn’t know better, he’d think he was one of those soft-looking statues made from marble.
"Embrasse-moi.” He started, wetting the bottom part of his lip which immediately drew James’ attention, unable to do anything other than stare unashamedly and listen to the low rough tones of Regulus' voice that melted in his ears like honey.
“Embrasse-moi. Mange moi. déchire-moi et ruine-moi. Tu vas me traiter de fou mais tu es là maintenant et j'ai été ensorcelé, je veux te connaître et malgré tous les os de mon corps qui me disent de ne pas le faire, James, embrasse-moi.”
James hadn’t realised his jaw had grown slack until he had to bring it up and swallow. He couldn’t understand a single word of what Regulus had just said but it was like magic. Whatever Regulus had said, he would agree to. Whatever he asked, he would give. Whatever he ordered, he would do. James wanted to listen to him speak forever, it didn’t matter what language it was in.
He tried to get a hold of himself, truly, but god, Regulus was speaking to him in french for fucks sake. What else was he expected to do?
“What’d you say?” He finally asked, letting out a breath.
“Wouldn’t you like to know.” Regulus smiled thinly, staring at James intently. He was sure that the itching fascination and longing he was feeling was blatantly scribbled onto his face, because Regulus finished his answer, “I just insulted you, quite terribly, may I add.”
“You’re lucky Sirius isn’t here to fact check you on that.” James smiled, trying to rewind his brain to remember any word he could manage from what Regulus had said to possibly go through with that plan, but he got a bit lost because how could he not when Regulus smiled so- so-
Regulus’ smile turned into a chuckle, under his breath and very short but it happened and he took every second of it in.
“Who was your first kiss?” James let out without thinking. I mean, he was thinking- about who Regulus had kissed, but not really much else.
“Hm?”
“First kiss, who was it?”
“Barty.” He said coolly.
“Crouch?” The name tumbled out with wide eyes. He didn’t really know what he was expecting, honestly.
“Is that a problem?” Regulus eyed.
“No.” Because why would it be a problem? It wasn’t. He already knew Barty and Regulus had a complicated history, so why would this be surprising?
“Good.”
“Have you, kissed anyone else?” James slowly pushed, wanting to know more. More than he probably should but nonetheless.
Regulus’ expression didn’t falter and looked at him directly. Something that made James’ skin bristle a bit and a lump form in his throat. “No.”
“So just Crouch, then?” James asked.
He didn’t know why he kept on about this thing with Regulus and his friend but he did. Actually the thought of it made something green burn a streak right down his chest, replaying it in his head from the moment Crouch had slung his arm around Regulus like he was his to keep.
“Seems like it.” Regulus said and James pushed himself a bit closer to him, holding himself up on his elbows where they rested on his knees. Regulus, in turn, hunched over to match and looked James in the eye again, holding his stare curiously. “Have you kissed anyone, Potter?”
James didn’t answer.
He just sat there, looking at Regulus’ eyes. Lovely, lovely blue eyes that shimmered brighter than the stars overhead.
It only took a minute until James broke and he felt his gaze (which was completely out of his control by now) fall down to Regulus’ lips. They were already damp and some unknown part of him wondered how they felt. Were they soft? Oh, they had to be, right? Regulus was so close all he had to do was lean forward and he could test it for himself.
James’ mind was never one for reason but it was still with a little surprise when the thought of how Regulus might taste made everything else seem pointless and miniscule. Flashing in red and gold letters on the backs of his eyelids. He just had to know. He wanted to.
He wanted to know everything .
But this specifically surpassed everything else by a mile right now.
“Regulus-” He attempted, the words not yet formed but a question whispering in the back of his throat.
Can I?
Let me?
Please .
Regulus nodded and parted his mouth to reply, but before James could move his lips to utter anything else, he found Regulus’ and oh,
Oh , Regulus’ lips were soft.
It was a chaste kiss, short and sweet. Just enough to feel each other and then break apart. James looked up at Regulus, mouth widening into a grin to see if he felt the same.
Regulus smiled back at him with the corners of his lips turned down, but in a delicate way that made James want to kiss him again and again and again. His cheeks were a little pink and barely noticeable in the dark, if James wasn’t inches away. A piece of hair that fell lazily into his face tickled the top of James’ forehead as the two of them stayed in place.
He was old enough to know that no one is perfect but if people could only see what he saw, they’d all know that in this moment, Regulus Black looked absolutely perfect.
He could feel the waves of Regulus’ breath and James’ heart felt like it was beating out of his chest. It throbbed all the way up into his ears, echoing into his mind, a constant reminder of what Regulus’ lips feel like.
It all made sense now.
The feeling that had taken him by full force the moment he saw him standing across the crowded room, the feeling that instinctively drew him in closer during that moment in the kitchens, the feeling that repeated Regulus’ name over and over and over. The feeling that wanted to know everything about him and clung to every word just to get lost in the way he spoke them.
The same feeling that wanted to kiss him and that made his chest explode as he did so.
This is what he wanted.
“That was-” James started in a breathy whisper but he was cut short. Before he could go on (which was probably for the best), Regulus leaned forward and met him with his mouth parted.
James welcomed him back eagerly.
James leaned into it deeper this time, finding his hand somewhere near the back of Regulus’ neck and the other gripping the cool stone of the bench to stop from tipping over and falling on top of him. His chest swelled with warmth and every nerve on his body was alive. He pushed forward as Regulus relaxed his jaw, inviting him in.
They found an easy rhythm and every time Regulus’ tongue flicked up behind his teeth or held onto his lip for another second longer, a spark lit within his stomach that ached for more.
One of his hands snaked around his neck and hung there while the other combed roughly through James’ hair and truly, James was weak .
His arm gave way and he buried himself into the kiss, forgetting that they’d just met, forgetting that he was Sirius’ brother, forgetting that they were in the middle of a garden, forgetting everything but Regulus. He thought about blaming it on the glass of champagne he had before but he was way too much in his own mind for that to be true.
His hand trailed down Regulus’ neck to his chest when Regulus’ hand abandoned his spot in James’ hair to stop him.
“Don’t” He murmured firmly in between heavy breaths, then leaned deeper into James and pulled him in with his arm. James obeyed and let his arm drop to his waist, too wrapped up in what Regulus’ tongue was doing to give it another thought.
They parted once again and only for a moment before Regulus started pressing soft long kisses around James lips and chin and jaw. Hungrily, he found his throat and wasted no time, drawing out a low groan that escaped James’ mouth as Regulus scraped his teeth lightly against his skin and then kissed it with sloppy lips to make up for it.
The hand around Regulus’ waist, raked at the back of his tucked shirt and slid down to curl his fingers into the loops of Regulus’ trousers, pulling at it to bring him closer. James let his head fall back, struggling to keep himself quiet as Regulus moved his mouth, licking the skin he left behind sinfully, to kiss under his jaw and make his way back.
James let his fingers follow the seam of Regulus’ trousers, gripping gently at his thigh. Becoming a little less gentle as Regulus kissed him hard and open on the mouth again, bringing one of his hands up from James’ shoulders to hold him by the face and guiding him open and closed as Regulus willed it.
“James?”
“Yeah,” He breathed out with another soft groan.
Regulus pulled away from him, his fingers untangling from his hair and abandoning his jaw, leaving James to mourn the loss of them.
“That wasn’t me.” He whispered.
“James?” The voice came again.
Sirius.
James would know Sirius’ voice anywhere.
“Oh, shit.” He sighed, leaning his forehead against Regulus’. Sirius didn’t sound too nearby but he was well on his way to be and although they were hidden behind a wall and a few bushes, they could not be here, like this, for him to find.
Regulus chuckled softly, rolling his head side to side and taking James with him, “Well, at least we got to know each other a bit.”
“Not nearly good enough.” James laughed too, feeling his eyelashes brush along his eyelids as he peered up at Regulus.
He wanted more. So much more.
Regulus was rather flushed and his cheeks were a cool coloured pink, had it been from the snogging or the cold, he couldn’t tell, maybe both. His hair was slightly tousled yet still fell perfectly into place and curled into his eyes. It was maddening and lovely at the same time.
“You should probably go.” Regulus glanced back at him, letting his hand fall down from James’ neck and drag along his chest.
“What about you?”
“I’ll be fine,” He grinned, “But you won’t be if Sirius finds you here.”
“He can’t scream at me for talking to you.” He teased, his chest about to explode just from being under the weight of Regulus’ touch.
“My brother’s a smartass but he’s not an idiot.”
“Prongs!” Sirius’ voice grew closer and James knew he was right.
“Prongs?” Regulus echoed with confusion but a spark in his eye made him think that this wasn’t the first time he was hearing the unusual nickname from Sirius.
“Oh, piss off.” James laughed, fighting everything in him that told him to stay put. To never ever leave his side. It was the strangest urge.
“Alright, alright fine.” He let up with another heavy sigh. Regulus pushed him away with a lingering hand until James finally stood up, feeling the heavy absence of it. “Will I see you inside again?”
“Possibly.” Regulus mused, looking at James with an unreadable look. His eyes fell quickly to his (surely wrecked) hair and his lips tucked into a ghost of a smile.
“James! Where are you, mate?” It came again, closer and closer.
“You sure, you’ll be alright here?” He asked again, not ready to leave yet.
“James, it’s my garden, I think I’ll be fine. Now go.”
James tsked shortly and shook his head, taking in the sight of Regulus once again, just for memory’s sake. He ran a quick hand through his hair to try and tame whatever he could and scoured himself for any indication that he’d been making out with someone. Just a couple dusts to his jacket sleeves and a run through down his shirt and tie, that had somehow been loosened in the thick of things, so that it was promptly tightened and smoothed out.
He looked behind him to make sure he still had time and then returned to Regulus, dipping down and kissing swiftly into his smile. Regulus allowed it and cupped his face for a moment before pushing him off again.
Oh, James was beaming. He was glowing, he was sure of it. The entire night melted away into this very moment.
He gingerly waved a brisk goodbye, reluctantly leaving Regulus sitting alone on a garden bench as he skipped off to find his best friend.