"They're better off without me, they just can't see it yet,"
“Remus?” Lily called down the empty courtyard. “Sirius is looking everywhere for you, he’s like- genuinely distressed,”
“Oh,” Remus said, turning back to look at her. “I’m just… on a walk,”
“With your bags?” Lily asked, walking down the steps.
“James is probably looking for you,” Remus said, turning around. “It’s the last night,”
“Dude, it’s our senior night, we should be partying,” Lily said. “Where are you going?”
“Just… please leave me alone,” Remus said, shaking his head.
“Whoa whoa whoa-”
“Lily, please,” Remus snapped. “Oh my gosh,”
“You’re not leaving are you?” Lily asked, running down to him. He started walking away, his arms crossed.
“No,”
“Then why do you have your bags?” She asked. Remus sighed heavily, looking back at her.
“Come with me,” He said, holding his bags as he trekked on his way to the forbidden forest.
“Dude-”
“Look you can come or you can not,” Remus said, not looking back as he walked.
Lily followed the silent man down the rough trail, almost tripping several times on the rough roots. Remus didn’t spare her a glance as he lugged his bags to an old fallen tree. After almost twenty minutes of walking, he set everything down, sitting down himself and pulling out a blunt.
“Remus what the hell is going on?”’ She asked, glowering at him.
“Sit down,” Remus said, gesturing with his joint.
“Really, what’s going on?” She asked in a softer voice. “I mean, you’re what- sneaking out?”
“James and Sirius want to get a flat,” Remus said, resting his chin on his knee. “With me. And Frank I think, because rent is awful right now,”
“Okay,” Lily said. Remus shook his head, looking down.
“My life is over Lily,” Remus said, clearing his throat as his voice tightened. “Everything is. I don’t have anything going for me, this was it,”
“Remus, that’s not true-”
“Isn’t it Lily?” Remus snapped. “What the hell am I supposed to do? I can’t get a job. I can’t do anything. I'm stuck mooching off people willing to spare me some money and a roof. I can’t put my name on a lease, I can’t do anything. I got straight O’s my whole time here and it was for fucking what?”
“There are things in life other than jobs, Remmy,” She said, putting a hand on his back. He flinched away, staring at her.
“What’s the point of any of this shit?” Remus asked. “I can’t do anything. I can’t help anyone. I just- Lily everyone hates me. I have about 4 people who wouldn’t want to actively kill me, it’s just… I’m so tired Lily,
“People hate you because you throw tea on them and don’t talk, it’s not because of the wolf,”
“It’s always because of the wolf,”
“So, what’s your grand plan then?” She asked, crossing her hands. “I walk into the woods? Never come back?”
“Climb a tree, do a swan dive?” Remus said. “Maybe,”
“Remus,” Lily said, standing in front of him, grabbing his shoulders. “You can’t,”
“It’s for everyone,” Remus said.
“Is this better for them?” Lily asked. “Look me in the eyes, tell me that you are damn sure that this is what’s best for Sirius. That this is what's best for James,”
“They’re better off without me, they just can’t see it yet,”He said
“Remus, honestly,” She said. Remus looked past her, before dropping his head to the ground. Not easily deterred, she knelt down, putting a hand on his face and forcing him to look at her.
“What Lily?” He asked.
“You know what Sirius does while you are in the infirmary?” She asked. “He said he had never slept a night without you in the dorm. That he can’t sleep, so he stays up every single night you’re gone and rewrites his notes in print so you can read them. And he cleans the room because you hate it messy,”
“Okay-”
“And James writes his mum letters asking her to knit you sweaters every single month so you have new clothes after you mess up your old ones,” She said. “And he and Sirius bother Pomfrey every single night you’re in there to make sure you get enough care. They love you Remus, you’re their best friend,”
“I know that,” He said, looking at her. “Of course I know that. I just… look at it from my perspective. They do so much shit for me, they really do, and I can’t do anything for them. It feels like I’m just… taking advantage of them,”
“I promise you that James wouldn’t do that if he didn’t want to. Neither would Sirius. And you offer so much for them. James wouldn’t have graduated without you I can guarantee it,” She said. “They would do anything for you. You’re not a burden to us Remus. You never could me,”
“Why do you make things so damn hard?” He asked with half a smile, wiping a tear from his eye before it could fall. “Fuck,”
“Please, just come back for tonight,” Lily said, wrapping her arms around him. “Just tonight, please?”
“I don’t know,” He said. “I feel like I’m suffocating in there,”
“Okay,” She said. “Do you want me to sit here with you for a minute?”
“No no no, you go ahead,” He said. She raised an eyebrow. “I promise I will come back,”
“Listen,” She said, taking a ring off of her finger. “This is the ring my mother gave me for my tenth birthday. I wear it everywhere I go, it’s the most precious thing I own. You better hand this back to me safely, alright?”
Remus smiled at her. “Okay Lil,”
“And if you’re not back by ten I’m coming out here with McGonagall,” She said.
“What are you, my mum?” Remus asked.
“Just… be here. Okay?”
“Okay,”
---
“Hey Lily,” James said, walking easily with his hands in his pockets. “What are you- hey? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Lily said, wiping her face. “Sorry,”
“Come here- are you okay?” He asked, wrapping her in a hug.
“I’m fine, really,” She said. She debated leaving it there, but decided against it. “I’m worried about Remus,”
“Yeah, where is he?” Sirius asked, walking up behind them. “I didn’t see him around,”
“He’s in the woods. He’s just… I don’t know,” She said, pulling away and shaking her head. “I’m just worried,”
“I can go check on him,” Sirius said. “This party blows anyway,”
“Would you?” She asked.
“Of course. It’s Remus,” Sirius said, as if that was more than enough explanation.
He nodded at James, who confirmed with a thumbs up that he had Lily, and then went off of the familiar path, taking a few moments to notice all of the things he’d miss about the landscape he’d walked so many times before, to retrieve Remus, who was panicking about something or other. It was his spot.
“Oh Moony?” Sirius called, holding the O so it almost sounded like a howl. It was a long standing joke between the two ‘canines’. “Where are you?”
“Hello-o,” Remus replied from his normal place. Sirius smiled, bounding over to him.
“What’s with the bags?” Sirius asked, his brow drawing together. “You’re missing the party,”
“I know, I’m sorry,” Remus said. “I just… I can’t,”
“Can’t do what?”
“This,” Remus said, gesturing vaguely. “Or I guess- I can’t not do this,”
“Ah,” Sirius said, sitting down next to him. Remus immediately leaned into Sirius, and Sirius wrapped an arm around him. “I cried every day for a month leading up to this,”
“I don’t wanna leave,” Remus said softly. “I feel so normal here. I don’t want to go back to being a werewolf. Here I’m just… I’m Remus,”
“Listen to me,” Sirius said, looking directly at Remus. “No matter what happens, no matter where we go, I promise you that I will never ever ever let you live like a ‘normal’ werewolf. You will always be Remus to me,”
“That’s not fair to you,” Remus said. “I can’t work,”
“I may be out of my parents' will, but I’ve got a few filthy rich uncles who left me a fair amount,” Sirius said. “But if I had to work every damn day of my life till my hands bled, I still wouldn’t let you live like that,”
“I’m so scared Siri,” Remus said, biting his lip. “I’m just- I’m scared,”
“I know,” Sirius said, wrapping his arms fully around Remus. “We’re going to find a place that will be just as much our home as the dorms ever were,”
“Can we?” Remus asked.
“Oh I know we can. When I’m with you I feel at home,” Sirius said. Remus made an indistinguishable noise, and held onto Sirius tightly. “We’re going to be just fine. I won’t allow for anything else,”
“Okay,” Remus said, accepting the answer, even if he didn’t believe it.
“Come on, let’s walk around for a little bit,” Sirius said, standing up. “We can get your bags later,”
“Where are we going?” Remus asked.
“There’s a few places I want to see one more time,” Sirius said. “And I bet a arm and a leg if we go back to the party James will be to busy snogging someone to give us the time of day,”
“Alright then.” Remus laughed “Lead the way,”