Marauders Oneshots

Prompt: “I’m trying to see things from your perspective but I can’t get my head that far up my ass,” 

“Hey Remus?” 

“Yes?” 

“Is child labor also illegal in the muggle world?” 

“Yes,” 

“Just checking,” Sirius said, dropping the toothbrush. “It’s insane- how do they expect us to scrub the entire hallway?” 

“I think it’s probably a test,” James said. 

“A test?” Sirius asked. 

“Yeah yeah, like they give us an impossible task for us to complete and let us use magic to figure it out,” James said. “There’s a spell to clean stuff,”

“I don’t know… we could get in trouble for that,” Peter said. 

“We’re already in trouble, how much more can we possibly get in?” James asked. 

“Remember when Slughorn made us do pushups for the entire class period once?” Sirius asked. 

“Yeah and I got to show off to Lily, I saw no punishment there,” James said, making Sirius laugh. 

“Throw me my wand,” Remus said. James walked over to where they had stashed their stuff and tossed it to him. 

“What are you gonna do?” Peter asked nervously. 

 “Lutum eīicē,” Without really moving the wand, the dirt started to sink down into the floor, until the stone looked brand new.

“When did they teach us that spell?” James asked. “I feel like I would have remembered that one,” 

“They didn’t teach that one,” Remus said, pocketing the wand. 

“When did you learn Latin?” Sirius asked, scrunching his nose. 

“I have a life outside of you,” Remus said. 

Sirius rolled his eyes, laughing. 

“Come on, we’ll go tell Minnie this is done,”

“No, don’t yet,” Sirius said. “I mean, it took us three hours to finish polishing the trophies last month, she won’t believe this for a second,” 

“Oh, so we get to hang out in the gross old hallway for the rest of the day,” James said. 

“Well not all day, but at least a few hours,” Sirius responded. 

“He’s right,” Peter said. 

“Yippy-ki-fucking-yay,” Remus sighed. “Hand me my bag, will you.” 

“Why, did you bring a book to clean floors?” James asked, handing it over. 

“No, I brought a blunt,” Remus responded, taking one out of his bag. 

“Those will kill you one day, you know,” James said, shaking his head. 

“If that’s how I’m going out, I’m fine with that. They already tried to put me down when I was six. This is all borrowed time,” He said with a shrug. 

James made a face. 

“What, do you want one?” 

“No,” 

“Cuz you look like you need one,” 

“I don’t want your weed Moons,” James said, rolling his eyes. “I hate you smoking that stuff,” 

“What, it’s like- nature's gift to mankind,” Remus said, shrugging. “I feel like it just balances my life out. Like- here, your whole life gets fucked up before you’re ten, but you can get high all the time,” 

“I’m with Remus on this one,” Sirius said. Remus nodded and passed the joint. James shook his head disappointedly.  

“You look like your mum when you make that face,” Sirius said. 

“You look like a chimney smoking as much as you do,” James said playfully. Sirius laughed, blowing smoke in James’s face. “Ugh. ew,” 

“Be quiet, I hear someone coming,” Peter said, his voice high and tight. 

“You don’t hear anyone Peter,” Remus said, leaning against the wall and taking his joint back. 

“I do,” Peter said. “Listen,” 

“I mean, it’s a school, people walk,” Remus said. Before Peter could reply, McGonagall walked into the room, her thin brows drawn together. 

“Mr. Black, come with me. Right now,” She said. Unlike the last several times she had stormed in and called Sirius, she didn’t look angry or annoyed, but flustered- a look they rarely seen before. 

“What's going on?” James asked, standing up. 

“You are all nosey enough. I am sure you will find out in due time,” She said. “Sirius. Now,”

“Not until you tell me what this is about,” Sirius said, taking a step back as James took one forward. 

“There’s not time- your friends may come if you want,” She said. He looked back and Remus nodded at him, standing up as he put out his blunt, hiding it in his pocket. 

“Come on, quickly, Mr. Black first,” She said, in a hurried voice, putting a hand on each boy's back as they walked out. “To my office,” 

“What the hell man?” Remus asked as she pushed him out the door. “And ow,” 

“Language, Mr. Lupin,” She said. “Move quickly,”

He gave her a confused look, but James reached back and grabbed his arm, pulling him along as they jogged the very familiar route to her office. At least, until both of them slammed into Sirius’s back. 

“Sirius?” James asked. 

Sirius had his head turned to the right, his eyes fixated on something in the courtyard. He didn’t respond. 

“Come on man, we’ve got to go,” 

“James,” Remus said, elbowing him and pointing to what he was looking at. 

“Fuck,” James said. 

“What are they doing there?” Remus asked. 

“We’ve got to go,” James said, grabbing Sirius. “Siri, come on,” 

Sirius’s parents stood in the doorway, their figures silhouetted by the candles flickering in the hallway behind them. Turning to look over in their direction, Sirius put his free hand on Remus’s arm, gripping it. 

“Maybe they’re like predators. If we don’t make any sudden movements… we’ll be safe?” James said. 

“They’re walking this way,” Remus said. As McGonagall caught up with them, Sirius’s parents made their way to the trio of boys (Peter had apparently chosen to go back to the dorms). 

“Come on, I told you to go to my office,” McGonagall said, her voice slightly tighter then normal, but otherwise giving nothing away. “I don’t see what the hold up is,”

Orion came face to face with the professor, and Sirius took a step back, his back bumping against the wall. Remus tugged him slightly so they were standing behind McGonagall as James stood directly in front of his friends. 

“Given the nature of our discussion, I would like for Sirius to come with me,” Orion said. “So that we can get him ready to go,” 

“Go?” James asked, tilting his head. “Go where?” 

“Mr. Potter, please,” McGonagall said, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

“Did someone die again?” Sirius asked, a hint of hope in his voice. 

“This is really a discussion we should have in private, don’t you think, darling?” Walburga said, coming to place a hand on her husband's shoulder, giving Remus a very pointed look. “We shouldn’t allow the chance of anyone overhearing,” 

“Yes, Sirius, come with us,” Orian said, reaching out a hand to grab Sirius. James batted it away, fury in his eyes. 

“You’re not taking him anywhere until we know he’s coming back,” James snapped. 

“James,” Sirius whispered. “Be careful. Don’t do that,” 

“Sirius, right now,” Walburga said in a severe tone. McGonagall cleared her throat, looking down. 

“Really, we need to talk this through in full before we involve Sirius in any of these discussions,” she said. 

“We can involve him in whatever we like. He is still our child Minerva. Unless you’ve forgotten,” Orian said. 

Everything from the pair oozed a cold anger. Their clothing was completely black, with the smallest green accents, and their pale and pointed features -which Sirius had gotten from both of them- made their fluid movements more frightening. 

“I understand, but it is protocol,” McGonagall said steadily. “Boys, go to my office,” 

As they walked past, James leading them, Walburga snatched her hand out, reaching for Sirius, who flinched away. Before she could retreat, Remus -who was standing the closest to her- snatched the cold hand in his own, surprising her. She screeched, wrenching her arm away. As she did, Remus pulled out his wand with his other hand. 

“If you touch him again, I will kill you,” Remus said. 

Everyone stood very still all of the sudden. The only movement was Walbura’s eyes as she scanned Remus’s face, her eyes tracing over the deep prominent scars. Remus’s hand didn’t shake as he held the cypress wand to her nose, hazel eyes set with determination. 

It was only the distinct sound of shoes clicking down the hall that dragged the others' attention away, although Remus still held Walbura in a locked gaze.

“I see you two have meet Mr. Lupin,” Dumbledore cheery voice rang out. “By far one of the brightest students I have ever had the pleasure to meet- Lupin, do put your wand away,” 

“Yes, headmaster,” Remus grumbled, slowly lowering it. 

“There we are. Now, I heard that someone wanted a meeting?” 

---

“They're going to kill me,” Sirius said, walking the line from the door to the window of their small dorm for the hundredth time. “They’re going to kill you and then they will kill Remus and then me,” 

“Sirius mate, it’s alright,” James said, trying to reach out and grab Sirius’s hand. Sirius didn’t stop moving, and James let him go. 

“I’ll kill them first. I’m not joking,” Remus said. “Werewolf attacks can be brutal,” 

“No one is killing anyone,” James said, his voice uncharacteristically diplomatic. 

Sirius’s hands were red from wringing and biting them, and his breath came in quick puffs. Far too quick for Remus’s liking. He looked like a trapped animal, and in the three years that he had known his friend, he didn’t remember seeing him look this afraid. 

“We’ll work it out,” Remus said, standing up and walking over to grab Sirius by his shoulders. “They can’t pull you out of school, Siri, you have to go. It’s the law,” 

“The 28 can do whatever they want,” Sirius said, biting his lip. He stopped, but anxiety and fear radiated off of him, and he couldn’t quite hold still, bouncing up at down as he looked at Remus. 

“McGonagall and Dumbledore won’t let that happen, right James?” Remus asked, turning to look at his friend.

“Of course they won’t,” James said. 

“It doesn’t matter what they want,” Sirius said darkly. “They’ve never cared about the rules, their above them,” 

“No one is above the rules,” James said. Sirius just shook his head. Before anyone could say anything else, there was a knock at their dorm room door. “Come in?” 

“Sirius, we need to speak to you,” McGonagall said. Sirius tensed up, looking at Remus. “Alone,” 

“Why, what are you going to do with him?” James asked. 

“Mr. Potter, I promise as soon as it is safe to involve you and Mr. Lupin, you will know everything I do,” She said. “Mr Black?” 

“Will I have to see my parents?” Sirius asked in a quiet voice. Remus wrapped an arm around his shoulder, staring at McGonagall.

“Yes, they are in Dumbledore office as well,” She said. He swallowed, nodding. 

“Okay,” Sirius said. Remus squeezed him tightly, and James patted his  back before he went with McGonagall. 

The pair sat alone in the room for a moment, before Remus looked at James. “We are following them, right?” 

“Of course,” 

“I was worried for a moment,” 

---

“You can see why Sirius’s behavior at home is concerning to us,” Walburga said, in a fake high voice that made Sirius feel ill. “Sense coming here, he’s just… not been himself. He’s reactive and rude, honestly he’s nothing like a Black,” 

“We think it would be best for everyone if we took charge of Sirius’s education,” Orian said. 

“For his own sake. Fighting with him like this all the time is just horrible for everyone,” Walburga said. 

“I fight you because you’re horrible, not because of school,” Sirius said, his voice shaky. He had scooted his chair as far away as he could, and had pulled his knees up to his chest in his seat. He only looked at Dumbledore as he spoke, avoiding his parents' gaze at all costs. 

“Don’t be like that,” Walburga said, leaning over to tuck his hair behind his ear. Sirius flinched at first, before smacking her hand away. 

“Don’t touch me,” He said. Dumbledore raised his eyebrows, watching the frightened child. 

“Mrs. Black, I will have to request we keep our hands to ourselves. I know it’s hard to remember rules when you have been out of school almost as long as I have,” Dumbledore said with a grin. Walburga grimaced, but swallowed hard and looked down. No one would argue with Dumbledore. 

“Without the proper discipline, he’s been a compleat nightmare to have at home. I honestly don’t think he’s safe to have around Regules,” Orian said. “It’s terrifying,” 

“You’re the one who uses-” Sirius started speaking, but he caught his fathers eye and choked on the words. 

“Uses what Sirius?” Dumbledore asked. 

“Nothing, nevermind,” 

“Go ahead,” Dumbledore said. “Talk only to me, what do your parents do at home?” 

“They use magic,” Sirius said, looking away. “On me and my brother. You ever wondered why it’s called ‘Black Magic’? They do horrible spells and then mask it with another one so no one knows,” 

“Sirius- I apologize headmaster, I can’t imagine where he got that idea from,” Walburga said, her truer tone of voice -much closer to a raptors shriek- coming to fruition. 

“These are incredibly serious accusations,” Dumbledore said. “I suppose we will have to look further into them with time,” 

“Dumbledore, you have to understand this from our perspective here,” Orian said, standing up. “We’re dealing with a child who is completely out of control, sometimes we have to step in for his own safety, and ours,” 

“Well, I’m trying to see things from your perspective Orian, but I’m afraid I can’t get my head that far up my ass,” Dumbledore said. Sirius would have been cackling at that if he hadn’t been paralized with shock. “Sirius will stay enrolled his full seven years. I trust you can see yourselves to the exit?” 

“You will be hearing from us shortly,” Walburga said, standing up. They were fuming Sirius could see it, but they wouldn’t say anything around the Headmaster. No one would.

“I’m sure I will be, I dread it,” Dumbledore said. 

 “Sirius, I expect perfect behavior on visits, or else we will be revisiting this issue,” Orian said through clenched teeth,”

“I’ll be good,” Sirius said quietly. “I promise,” 

“I take promises very seriously,” Orian said. 

“Is the door proving perplexing?” Dumbledore asked, standing up. “Because I cannot imagine why it is taking this long to make your exit,” 

“Excuse me,” Walbura said, dipping her head and grabbing her husband. 

As the door opened, it knocked back both James and Remus, who had their ears pressed to it, listening, and they quickly walked away while the two boys rushed into the office. 

“I’m so totally dead,” Sirius whispered as James almost knocked him over with a hug. 

“I know,” Remus said, wrapping a arm around him. “But you’ve bought some time,” 

“I did,”