My baby
Chapter 3
POV Stella
I walked through the main entrance doors and was met with… fuck, security. One of the guards eyed me up and down suspiciously. He was a large, muscly man, standing confidently by one of the metal detectors you had to go through. I could see the way his eyes raked my form, from the over-filled backpack to the ripped jeans and dirty sneakers. He probably thought I was homeless or something.
“I umm, I’m here to see someone” I said as I walked up to him.
“Look, visiting hours are over, if you’re a witness or something you have to come back tomorrow”
“No, you don’t understand, I’m here to see someone, can you just tell me if they’re still here” I insisted, trying to keep my emotions at bay.
I took a deep breath, knowing that getting in a fight with the authorities was not a good idea right now, but it had been a long day and anxiety over this whole thing was turning into frustration. I’d had both the bus and train to overthink every possible outcome, and the stress of it all was starting to boil over.
“Sorry sweetheart, we can’t give you that kind of information” He grumbled, the degrading nature of the nickname only fueling my anger.
“Then what the fuck can you tell me?! Huh?! You have no idea what I’ve done to get here! I need to know if she’s even here!” I yelled, my face red, hot tears escaping my eyes.
In my peripheral, I could see a blonde woman quickly stride toward us.
“What’s going on here?” She asks the guard, who simply shrugs, looking at me like I’m a nutcase.
She comes closer, making me back away slightly. I can see her mouth moving, but I can’t hear anything, it’s like I’m suddenly in a vacuum. My throat closed up, unable to let enough air pass through. When she first touched me, I flinched, but when I saw her smile kindly with a reassuring look, I let her lead me outside to one of the benches. She squatted in front of me, probably telling me to take a deep breath, but I couldn’t. After a few minutes I felt my chest loosen anyway, the fresh air and her calming presence clearing my head slightly. I tried to untangle all the thoughts that were stubbornly intertwining in my brain, but it only gave me a headache.
“What are you doing here sweetheart? This isn’t really the kinda place you just stumble upon” The blonde woman in front of me spoke gently.
“No, I’m here to see… someone” I said, my voice wavering slightly as my lungs recovered from the slight anxiety attack.
“Okay, can you tell me who? Most people have probably gone home by now” She said, rising to sit on the bench beside me, and I suddenly realized where I recognize her from.
“Don’t you work with the behavior analysis unit?” I ask, my heart pounding at the thought of how close I was to Emily.
“I do, how do you know that?” She asks, gently stroking my shoulder.
“I’ve seen you on TV” I mumbled, getting lost in my head again.
This was too much, I was too close, there was no going back now. What if it turned out I was wrong, I would look so stupid, and where would I go then? I knew no one in DC, and-
“Who are you looking for?” She asked, pulling me out of my spiral.
“Uh… Emily… Prentiss” I stuttered, not able to get my mouth to cooperate more than that.
I could see the wheels turning in her head, questions of who I was and why I was there, but she didn’t push. It was like she could feel my anxiety.
“Oh, well I work with her, she’s actually still here. Do you want me to take you up?” She asked, and I could almost feel my eyes go comically wide.
I focused my gaze on the ground so she wouldn’t think I was crazy, and rubbed my sweaty palms on my thighs before managing a slow nod.
With a small smile, she stood, a hand on my back encouraging me to do the same, and I did. In a haze, I followed her back inside, my feet moving on their own as my head was drowning. Showing her badge to the security guard, he nodded and let me pass through the metal detector, letting her walk past it. The air was thick in the elevator, or at least it felt that way, the after effects of my panic still making it hard to breathe. The blonde squeezed my shoulder as we stepped out, leaving us in a hallway, facing large glass doors with the ‘BAU’ logo on it. She walked up to them, placing her keycard on the sensor to open them, but I was still frozen just outside the elevator.
Emily was in there, behind those doors were potentially every answer about my life I’d been looking for, or nothing. She could be absolutely no one and not give a damn about some random teenager looking for her mommy. Or worse, she could be angry, she could hate me, want nothing to do with me. What if she was a different person now, and nothing she’d said in the letter was a true. It probably wasn’t even her, I resigned myself to the thought. I needed to accept the possibility before I got attached to her, even though I already had. I’d already grown attached to the idea of her and I hated myself for it. I knew it would probably break my heart, but I couldn’t help it.
Looking up, I realized the blonde had been waiting for me for what must’ve been at least a minute. With an encouraging smile, she beckoned me toward the door, holding it open for me to walk in first.
‘It’s not even gonna be her, just calm down, you’re being ridiculous’ I repeated in my head, trying desperately to clear the thick cloud of anxiety in my chest.
“Hey, Em! You still here?” The blonde yelled, looking over the empty office.
Like she said, most people had gone home, I could only see a janitor and a guy working in a closed office, the lights were even dimmed slightly.
“Yeah, I was just… leaving” Another voice called as the brunette woman that’d been occupying my mind the past week appeared from the small kitchen in the corner.
My heart stopped.
“Hey, who’s this?” She asked, stepping forward slightly, looking me up and down.
I trained my gaze down so I wouldn’t stare at her, I didn’t need her to think I was crazy too.
“I found her downstairs, guards wouldn’t let her through, but she says she’s here to see you?” The blonde spoke when she realized I wouldn’t, phrasing it like a question to the other agent, like asking if she knew that I was coming.
“Okay… well, why don’t we go talk in Jennifer’s office? It’s cozier in there” She asked me carefully, like she was afraid I would run away.
I didn’t catch the confused look Emily threw Jj over my shoulder, or the encouraging nod the blonde gave. Nor did I hear the half whispered “it’s fine, go home, we’ll talk tomorrow” Emily spoke before leading me away. If I’d had the mental presence, I would have said goodbye to the blonde, thanked her for calming me down and taking me up here, but all I could focus on was putting one foot in front of the other.
“Do you want something to drink” Emily asked as she closed the door behind us.
I simply shook my head and looked around. She was right, it was cozy. The ceiling light was off so the room was illuminated by a lamp in the corner, bathing it in a soft glow. She sat down in a chair across from the couch, and gestured for me to take the couch. Hesitantly, I shrugged off my jacket and put my backpack down before I took a seat. She leaned forward slightly, resting her forearms on her legs, waiting for me to speak. She was so beautiful, she was everything I’d always imagined my mother would look like when I’d read the letter. Still, I prepared myself for the inevitable awkwardness of her not being the one.
“…What are y-”
“I think you might be my mom” We spoke at the same time.
She just stared at me for a moment, a look of confusion on her face, like she must have heard me wrong.
“What?” She said with a short laugh of disbelief.
“Did you ever have a baby? That you gave away? Like… fifteen years ago” My voice trembled as I picked harshly at my cuticles.
“How… how would you know about that, no one knows about that” She said, her voice wavering slightly, and I could see the gears turning in her head.
Without a word, I reached into my bag, carefully pulling out the white box, before standing up and taking a few steps toward her. I placed it down on the coffee table in front of her, her eyes now wide and glossy. I couldn’t bring myself to move or sit back down as I watched her reach for it. Her hands shook slightly as she stroked the lid with her fingertips, tears now running in a steady stream down her face. As she opened it, a slight gasp left her mouth and she stared, unmoving, at the words on the envelope.
’Stella, my beloved’
I could physically see her freeze before she suddenly stood up, asking quietly if she could touch me.
My head was spinning, making me feel unsteady, but it all washed away when I nodded and she quickly enveloped me in hug so tight I almost lost circulation. But It didn’t matter, all I cared about was that I’d found her… I think, she hadn’t really said anything. Still, her arms held me tightly to her body and I tucked my face into her neck, I couldn’t help but feel it. The connection, the love, it was so… right.
“My baby, oh my god my baby, I never thought I would see you again. I love you so much” She whispered, crying into my hair as one of her hands came up to hold my head lovingly against her.
That’s when I broke, I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. A sob wracked my body as I encircled her back tightly with my arms, like I was afraid she would disappear.
“I’ve thought about you everyday day, I can’t believe you’re here” she continued to cry, gently rocking us as we stood entangled in the small office.