Bad Luck
Luck was not on his side.
He wanted to claim he was under an imperius , but he was aware of every step, thought and tear he released. It could become painful, and the nights were longer than ever, yet when he had to choose between his life and that of his friends, he discovered that his greatest fear was death.
He fell into such an immense depression that he lost too much weight in a very short time, although no one suspected anything, because everyone was just as stressed and hurt; he moved away from Remus and Sirius, becoming even more attached to James, however that was not the cause of the strange looks either. No one knew that he increased the dosage of the pills that helped him sleep, or that with a razor he cut parts of his body and, above all, spent it on that tattoo that hurt him so much to have.
He hated himself so much that the thought of suicide crossed his mind; however, he couldn't, because as he remembered from his school days, death was his Boggart.
The rumor of a spy among the members of the order spread like wildfire, little by little the candidates dwindled and ended up being nil when Dumbledore explained to the boys and Lily, with the newborn Harry in her arms, about a strange prophecy that explained the Potter's son. They all looked at each other in horror; it was the moment of truth.
Sirius and Peter were the chosen ones, since Lupin was never considered a spy and, with the monthly transformations, there was a day when the Potters would be exposed.
The one they ended up trusting was their tormentor, Peter. Who after much thought and being pressured by the dark lord, revealed the exact location of the Potters' house and the day he could assassinate them. He planned those once things went as he wished, to go and take his own life immediately, so as not to live in that world full of misery.
Things did not go as he had hoped. The day before he had argued with Sirius, a fight that Lupin ended up joining in on. He felt the boy's grip around him and, unable to stand it any longer, he cut him off.
“Please, Peter, I need to go see James! We can keep them safe if we work together! Think about Harry!”
“Dumbledore's orders are clear” Peter replied, growing nervous, “Stop insisting!”
“I don't have a good feeling about this! Please!”
“What the hell do you know, Black! You're Bellatrix's cousin! What makes us sure you're not the spy?!”
“I would never do anything to James! He… he’s, my brother! Blood ties are of no interest to us!”
“Leave me alone! I'm going to work!”
He walked out of the room, holding back the overwhelming urge to send everything to hell. By the time he reached Godric's Valley, he greeted James as if nothing was wrong, hugged Lily as if nothing hurt, played with Harry as if he really loved him.
Before saying goodbye, he burst into tears, that was his last chance. He pulled himself together being beaten down from a myriad of memories each one more crushing than the last and concluded, blaming it on stress.
At the same time that the Potter house was illuminated three times by a flash of green, he felt hands pinning him against a wall. It was Sirius, crying and screaming at him.
“HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?!”
His friend's face was contorted in pain, he had so many tears building up in his eyes that he ended up looking unrecognizable, he was pointing his wand at him, but his hands were shaking. Peter then, felt a voice hit him in his head and commanded.
«My wand, Pettigrew. Blame it and run away. »
It was him. Things hadn't gone well, and he knew it; he half smiled giving Sirius a punch that caught him off guard, blew up a large fountain of gas, and as he transformed into a rat, he cut off his pinky. He entered the Potter house, amidst the chaos of the crowd, stopped in front of James' limp corpse, and then Lily's. Little Harry's cries echoed in his mind.
“Pete! Pete!” The boy recognized him. How many times had he transformed to play with him?
“Pete!”
Sirius' hurried footsteps were coming, he recognized Voldemort's wand, and escaped with it, through a small hole in the wall, into the forest, where the trees were singing the Potter's lament.
There was James. His brother, his friend, his family, his everything ; he took off his glasses, because he always considered he looked better without them, plunged his hand into his tousled hair and screamed trying to wake him up. How many times had he dreamed of that moment? That nightmare that always ended before he could close his eyes. It was so recurrent that he was afraid that this time it wouldn't end there.
He closed his eyes, and everything remained the same. He had to gather his strength to climb the steep stairs; he instantly recognized Lily, with her dedicated manicure and the scarf he gave her so many years ago that he had almost forgotten. Her green eyes still sparkled with life, he closed her eyes on with trembling hands slowly, without much encouragement, regaining her five senses.
“Pads! Sirius!”
It was the first time he had called him by name.
Sirius saw Harry, crying in the crib, he hugged him trying to comfort him. How could he do it when he was just as devastated? He laid the boy on the floor, next to the toys that had been spread out, but away from the room on the side that was already beginning to burn from the fire of the explosion. He knew that the aurors would arrive in less than five minutes, and that everything incriminated Him. That they would blame Him for being the murderer of the people who reached out to Him when He needed it, orphaning the only little boy He could stand.
He wanted to go down the stairs, Harry's hands clutched at his leg and he had no choice but to take him in his arms again; from his jacket pocket he pulled out James' glasses and put them on Harry. They looked just like the pictures James had shown him of himself.
They would be identical but for Lily's eyes.
He watched at the window as a large group of aurors approached, hurriedly wrote a note, put Harry back in the crib, with the paper beside him, and gave him a kiss on his forehead, on the recent wound that was beginning to heal (because he was a strong wizard, like his parents). Harry in a few words begged her not to leave.
His eyes fell on a photograph of James and Lily dancing, lying broken in a frame; he pulled the photo out, pocketed it and escaped out the window nonverbally summoning a repartee throughout the room.
« It was Peter, give Hagrid my bike and look after Harry, please believe me. SB.»
It was all bad luck from then on. Because Lupin didn't get to say goodbye to Harry, Peter escaped and lived an extended time on people's scraps, Harry went to live with his aunt and uncle and Sirius was sentenced to Azkaban , for a crime he didn't commit.
Living the rest of his life as a traitor.
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