Forgive Me
“Forgive me, please”
His heart was beating so hard he felt like it was going to pound out of his chest. He was aware that the feeling that wanted to overflow from Him was love. He was not ashamed to admit it, because even Lily was conscious of it.
Who wouldn't be if, every time he sees her, even his way of speaking becomes softer?
But his feelings were never accepted. He was always looking for her to acknowledge them, hug them, and for the first time, give him that kiss he had dreamed of.
A kiss that would only prove that she felt the same madness for him.
Lily turned away shaking her heavy ginger ponytail, shook her shoulders as if she were stretching before a marathon and bit her lips, trying to repress something inexplicable. He could make out in her huge green eyes, the tears that filled her eyes and threatened to jump at the slightest jolt.
The reason: it was Him, and them. It was always His fault, His and theirs.
He reached out his hand and tried to grab his friend's wrist, but she slapped him away.
The final decision was up to her because everyone knew that Lily was the only one left to choose a side, because never would James' side be compatible with his.
“Lily, please understand me. They won't bring you any good!” claimed Snape “Remind me who was the person who helped you when no one else did. It was me! Do you remember?”
“But you are not helping me now! If you really cared about me, you would have done what I asked you to do, not this!”
With his right hand, he grabbed her shoulder. Lily didn't reply anything, instead, she stood frozen, trembling with impotence.
“I… I love you… We could do great things together! You are amazing at everything you do; you just must accept me and…” Snape, brushed a strand of hair away from Lily's face, which stood between them, hiding Lily from his feelings. “And we would be happy. We would leave this school, we would leave everything behind, to make our way into a wonderful Era.”
At that moment, Lily selected her side. She grabbed Snape's hand tightly and began to cry, pulling away.
“I can't… I can't give this up” Lily said, pushing Snape's aching body.” I'll never be able to do it, I'd rather die than that. And if you can't give up for me either, I think it's already decided!”
Snape felt the first tears begin to fall down his cheeks.
He had always believed that only girls were the ones who depended on their emotions; romantic and indecipherable. To cry being a man, it was unforgivable, something to be released in loneliness, and in painful silence. That's what he was told. That's what he was forced to do all his life.
He was now showing his biggest weakness or his worst problem.
“Lily, please”
“Nothing of Lily. I'm sorry, but I've already chosen my side” she replied turning her back to him “And you've already chosen yours, and it's not mine.”
His heart shattered, and he ran back to the castle, feeling himself crying uncontrollably. He just wanted to break down and think of nothing.
Without thinking about the war that was coming.
Without thinking about the dark lord and the dreams that were to interfere with the established calm.
Without thinking about Lily and how, despite all the years that would drive them further and further apart, he would continue to love her as he always had.
『 °*• ღ •*°』
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