Boys in Pieces

“It’s okay, I’m here. Nobody can hurt you.” Sirius lifted Remus from the ground, his body hanging in his arms- limp and cold. His body was covered in a variety of newly forming bruises and cuts, the worst Sirius had ever seen. Remus’s body was curled into Sirius’s chest, his ability to hold himself up being minimal. Sirius did his best not to cry, but it was no use. During the moons Sirius had always had a hard time seeing Remus, he couldn’t watch his best friend be in such pain. Remus whimpered softly when Sirius tried to move him a bit, Sirius’s jacket rubbing up against a deep cut on his back. “I’m so sorry Rem.” 

“Mr. Black!” Sirius turned his head to see a gasping Madam Pomfrey, her hands holding supplies to help clean up Remus’s wounds. “What on earth are you doing in here?” Her face was serious as she demanded an answer, and fast. 

“I-It’s, I- just please help him Madam Pomfrey,” Sirius’s voice was trembling and Pomfrey heard the quiver in his voice as he spoke. His breathing was patchy as he talked, his tears hiding behind his lengthy eyelashes. “H-h-he’s really hurt.” Sirius looked down at his friend, he eyed the bruises that covered his sides and his upper rib cage. He traced the various cuts that lined his stomach and face, the worst he’s ever seen them. 

“Oh, Remus!” Madam Pomfrey looked at Remus’s quivering body for the first time, his skin covered in goosebumps from the November chill. She rushed over to the boy, not bothering to rush Sirius away. Sirius wondered how she was healing his cuts so quickly, and if she could do that, how could she not cure him of his lycanthropy? Sirius’s increased optimism was concerning, his cheekiness even more so, but he was determined to do whatever he could to help Remus. 

“Erm, Madam Pomfrey, can I help you take him to the hospital wing? He seems pretty roughed up.” She heaved out a sigh, her hands working at the most severe of his wounds the best she could. Her hands worked meticulously around the open cuts, her wand doing most of the work. 

“Would you mind carrying him? He has quite the gash along the back of his leg, and its reopening would not be ideal for Mr. Lupin.” She nodded towards his left leg, a large red and pink cut that warped around from his ankle to the front of his knee. Her hands had filled themselves now, a caddy with gauze and such in her left hand while her right hand housed Remus’s clothes from the night before. Sirius wasn’t the strongest boy, his limbs being frail and his body being quite small, but he managed to pick Remus up easily. Remus leaned into his touch willingly, reminded of so many times before. 

“Remus! Catch!” James threw a fishing rod towards a hungover Remus, half a piece of two-day-old chicken sitting on the hook. 

“How the fuck are we gonna catch a giant squid with half a chicken leg?” Remus looked towards Sirius, who was also hungover and stared, his eyes worried at James’s unnecessary boldness. 

“Well, we throw the line in, and just sit here,” Peter offered up a shrug as he drank his third coffee of the morning. “I guess we just hope it takes the bait.” He took a long sip from the cup, his body easing at the warmth that rolled through his throat. 

“The squid is huge! Bloody gigantic. It’ll drag me down with it!” Remus declared, his voice dragging across the lake's early morning fog. 

“Sh! I don’t want another bloody detention for being out, especially by the lake.” James forced his finger up towards his mouth, shoving it in Remus’s face as he spoke. Remus quickly swatted away James’s finger, watching him cradle it in his hand as he complained about the sudden sting.

“If you don’t want another detention, then maybe we shouldn’t be doing this!” Peter offered his opinion again, a slightly rare occurrence this early in the morning. 

Remus and Sirius nodded in agreement, their faces turning towards each other as they decided on a plan nonverbally. Remus threw the fishing rod into the lake, sitting down on the dock and crossing his legs once he found that the rod wouldn't be moving any time soon. Peter had migrated towards a bench somewhere, his body laying awkwardly upon the wet wood. James was fumbling with another piece of chicken and hook, trying to fit the meat onto the small piece of metal. Remus’s hands sat at the base of the fishing pole, trying to not drop it out of boredom. 

“You alright Rem?” Sirius sat next to his friend, hanging his feet over the edge of the deck. Remus turned his face away from the clouded water, his eyes watching his friend as he attempted and quickly failed to lean back on his hands. 

“Uh, yeah why?” Remus looked back down at the water, his feet stretching themselves so his shoes dangled above the thin layer of fog on the lake. 

“Well, you’re not, you? If that makes any fucking sense, and I know it’s the week before the moon, so I’m just-” 

“Yes, I’m okay. Just in a bit of pain is all.” The side of Remus’s mouth curled into a limp smile, Sirius returning it sadly. 

“Here, lemme hold that for you.” Sirius laid his hand atop Remus’s on the fishing rod, grabbing it from his friend's hands in an attempt to do something to help. Remus tried to protest, his grip tightening around the fishing pole, but no matter how much he insisted, Sirius still tried even harder. 

“Sirius-” 

“Remus, it’s alright. I don’t mind getting wet if we do manage to get the bloody thing.” Sirius rubbed his free hand right above Remus’s thigh, doing his best to reassure the boy. Remus was not the kind of person to ask for help, even when he needed it most. He had learned to believe that he can do anything himself, even when he couldn’t. 

“We’re gonna go this way Mr. Black,” Madam Pomfrey’s voice scared him out of his daydreaming, her body walking in the opposite direction of Sirius’s current steps, his body turning entirely at her words. 

“But the castle, it’s-” Sirius tried to oppose, worried at the truth in her statement. 

“This way, Mr. Black.” Her tone was unreadable, the strength of her syllables placed in his name as she continued to walk a few paces in front of them. Remus’s eyes were closed, and his body curled into itself as he turned to Sirius for more warmth. 

“We’re almost there Rem,” Sirius looked to his surroundings, not recognizing a single thing around him. “I think.” 

“All-knowing Sirius Black huh?” Remus managed to cough up enough words to lighten the moment, making Sirius laugh sadly. 

“Definitely not all-knowing, Moons.” Sirius stared at his friend, eyes tracing the most minuscule details along his face, admiring him- scars and all. Sirius wondered if this, him being here, should answer everything. James or Peter wasn’t here carrying Remus to the hospital wing, Sirius was. Sirius was the one that fell asleep in the tunnel while Remus was transforming back last night, just to make sure he was okay. It wasn’t James that went back into the shack to sleep on the floor next to Remus to keep an eye on the boy, it was Sirius. Does that mean anything? Is he in love with him? Or did he do those things out of the kindness in his heart, something he thought he never had. Was he just trying to redeem himself for being a Black heir? Change the reputation he was gifted at birth? 

“Mhm.” 

Sirius had realized where they were now, his eyes dragging along the backside of the castle- where no dorms resided. Madam Pomfrey led them into a small door, one that led directly into the backside of the hospital wing. 

“Oh wow,” Sirius’s mouth went wide at his newfound knowledge, a secret passageway. Why didn’t they just use this when someone was injured in quidditch? It was far faster, he assumed. 

“You can lay Mr. Lupin on that bed there,” She rested her things down on a chair and pointed to the bed closest to her quarters. 

“He’s always in this one.” Sirius laughed a bit, placing Remus on the bed as gently as he could. Remus winced at the sudden movement, his cuts being pushed on by Sirius as he tried to gently maneuver his friend onto the bed. “I’m so sorry Moons, I’m trying to be gentle.” A pang of guilt traveled to Sirius’s chest upon hearing Remus wince, he felt terrible. 

“Mr. Black, you can return to your dormitory now, I have it handled.” Sirius’s face turned white, he had no intentions of leaving Remus alone, especially not now. Sirius dwelled on Madam Pomfrey’s words, ‘I have it handled.’ Sirius felt a churn in his stomach as if it flipped upside down at her voice. Remus was a person, a breathtakingly stunning person, somebody who had feelings. He and his wounds were not an it. Remus looked to Sirius, speaking all he needed to with his eyes- It’s okay, but please come back. Sirius was worried he interpreted it wrong, his skills with reading social cues not being completely up to par. 

Sirius didn’t speak once more, his feet carrying him to the door of the hospital wing as he turned back to see Remus every few paces. His leather jacket hung loose on his shoulders, his body compelled to run to Remus and hug him, to touch him and hold him- but alas, he didn’t.  

“Sirius?” James’s head lifted from his bed, his hair a mess as he heard shuffling feet enter the dorm. 

“Sorry Prongs.” Sirius collapsed onto his bed, not bothering to take his shoes or jacket off. The leather molded onto his sweaty skin, leaving marks along his arms in places where the seams rested. 

“Where’re you coming from?” James sat up slowly, his hand slapping the table and floor aggressively until he found his glasses. James was a naturally curious person, his curiosity managing to control the best parts of him, even at the worst times. 

“Seeing Rem,” Sirius didn’t lift his head, his cheek digging into the pillow as he lay there sprawled out. “He’s with Pomfrey.” A tone in Sirius’s voice changed, a sudden crack of bitterness entered as he spoke. “He’s doing alright, Pomfrey kicked me out though.” Sirius was still, his body at bay externally, but internally he was screaming. He was worried, he didn’t want Remus to be left there alone, especially after a moon this brutal.

“Ah, gonna see him later?” James was fetching random articles of clothes from the floor, a combination of all four boys’ mess. He balled a pile of underwear and socks together, throwing them into a large bin in the left corner of the room. 

“Mhm, you?” Sirius flipped his body over slowly, making it a priority to not hit his ribs on the bed. 

“Of course.” James eyed his friend, the disheveled hair and deep shades of purple beneath his eyes, Sirius sat there in silence, waiting for something to be said.  “What happened?” Sirius shifted slightly, his body being held up by the mere strength he had in his elbows. His shirt had risen up his stomach, slightly revealing the large red cut that ran down his abdomen. 

“Oh erm, I fell asleep in the shack again, helped Pomfrey get Moons up to the Hospital wing, it was bad this time,” Sirius said this with ease, the words flowing off his tongue as if he had spoken them a million times before. It was almost as if he was shrugging it off, denying the importance of Remus’s injuries and pain. 

“Is it bad? The cuts and bruises?” James’s eyes widened themselves, his voice barely mustering up the noises to croak out his sentences. “I mean, I-I was pretty battered up after last night, I can’t imagine what he’s looking like. “Oh, mierda.” James and Sirius had habits of mixing Spanish and french with English when they were flustered or nervous, a habit neither have been able to let go of. James' hands were up to his mouth, his teeth instinctively chewing on his nails. 

“Stop biting your nails, James.” Sirius hoisted himself up from his bed slowly, trying his best not to disturb his wounds that were half closed over with scabs. He walked over to James, swatting the boy's hand from his mouth harshly. 

“Que carajo Pads!” James nursed his hand as it quickly turned red, being confused as to why he was just slapped. 

“It’s a bad habit Prongs, you need to stop. Remember when you almost bit the whole fucking finger off?” Sirius turned away from the bathroom door, looking at his best friend with a serious expression that reminded him of his mom. 

“Th-that was something entirely different.” James stood tall, crossing his arms in an attempt to feel and appear bigger. 

“Mhm, you believe that. I’m gonna shower, then we can go see Remmy after?” Sirius was halfway into the bathroom as he said this, his clothes slowly peeling themselves from his sweat-covered limbs. He threw his shirt, pants, and jacket into the bin James had begun filling, waiting by the doorway in his boxers. James eyed the large cut along his hips leading up his side, peeling apart the varied colored bruises with his eyes. 

“Bloody hell Sirius, what’d you do to piss him off after I passed out? C’mere, lemme see those.” Sirius hesitantly trudged towards his motherly friend, rolling his eyes at James’s need to care for him. 

“You’re such a mother Prongs.” 

“Someone needs to save your bloody arses every time you get hurt.” James winked at Sirius, running his fingers along the slightly infected cut. “You didn’t clean it or anything while with Pomfrey?” James knew the answer, Sirius was bloody careless and there was nothing Sirius would’ve done to take care of the wounds. 

“James just let me fucking shower, I smell like sweat, wood, and blood.” James’s eyes rolled, his hands thrown to the air in defense as he backed steps away from Sirius. Sirius eagerly walked to the shower, waiting to wash the scents of horror off his skin. 

“You know Rem, I think they look pretty badass,” Nate said to his friend matter-of-factly. 

“I guess you’re right Thomas,  I’m a fucking badass now,” Remus smirked at Nate, sending a wink as he grabbed a cup of water from next to his bed. “How’d you find me here anyways?” Remus was genuinely curious and worried that Nate knew what he was. 

“James, he erm said you’d be here when I asked him where you were at breakfast this morning.” Nate scratched the back of his neck, smiling his most awkward smile as he look away. A bright blush scattered Remus’s face and neck, leaving him warm and fuzzy inside. 

“You were looking for me?” Remus felt as if he may explode with happiness, somebody noticed him? 

“Well yeah, I wanted to sit with you and spend the day wi-” Before Nate could finish his sentence, Remus eagerly kissed Nate, not bothering with his cuts as he quickly sat up. Nate’s face sat wide-eyed, but a large smile soon encroached his lips. 

“That’s so bloody romantic Nathaniel Thomas, and if it weren’t for well,” Remus gestured to the room around them, the white walls and empty beds. “This, I’d love to spend it doing everything with you.” 

“Well, we can stay here?” His phase of awkwardness soon approached again, his neck turning backward in an attempt to avoid eye contact and defuse the stiffness in his body. “I can go get the book you were reading? I can read it to you?” Remus was swooning, this was the most romantic encounter he’s had with anyone, which is why his body tensed up and his face turned a pale shade of pink. 

“I would fucking love that, Nate.” Nate’s hands clapped together quickly, a bright smile beaming on his face. “The door to our dorm should be unlocked, and you know the Gryffindor password, yeah?” Remus sat back against the pillows, his hands running through his sandy blonde hair. His welsh accent rolled syllables in specific ways Nate didn’t know was possible, and he found it quite attractive. There were many things about Remus Lupin that he liked, but that can be added to the endlessly long list in his mind. 

“Erm, yeah? Are you sure Sirius won’t be in there? He doesn’t seem to like me very much.” Remus’s eyes rolled immediately at Sirius’s dramatics. He knew Sirius may be in there, but he could also be getting food from the dining hall, it was a 50/50 shot. 

“He shouldn’t be, plus you won’t be in there too long anyways.” Nate nodded in agreement, kissing Remus on the top of his head softly before he got up from the slightly stiff hospital chairs. 

“I shall be back, darling.” Nate shot a wink in Remus’s direction, his 50’s heartthrob phase from their 2 and 3rd years shining right through the knit jumper and khaki trousers. Nate practically sprinted out of the hospital wing towards the Hufflepuff towers, quickly realizing that the Gryffindor tower is in the complete opposite direction. Remus chuckled softly at the sight of Nate running past the door in utter confusion as to where he could be. 

“Nate?” James’s face twisted in confusion as he stared at the panting boy. “Remus isn’t he-” 

“Yeah, I know. I came to get his erm book? He said it should be right on his nightstand.” James' head quickly whipped around towards Remus’s bed, eyeing Remus’s copy of Slaughterhouse-five on the small table. 

“Here, come in. Might want to bring him a jumper too, he gets cold a lot, like way too much it’s kinda one of his-” 

“Hey, Nate. Watcha doing?” Sirius’s slim figure stood shadowing the doorway, his bitter tone biting down at Nate’s ability to speak. His arms were crossed as his shoulder dug into the painted wood framing. Sirius’s face was lined with coldness, a small smirk taunting at his lips as he watched the Hufflepuff stand at a loss for words. His hair was damp, the slight water concentration in it making the waves in his locks stand out. 

“What is it with everyone interrupting me today?” James whispered to himself, his legs dragging him to the side of Remus’s bed, by the window. 

“Down, Sirius.” James let his hand out, assuring Sirius it was alright. James had no right to tell him that, no right. Sirius knew it was alright but it didn’t feel like it. He couldn’t bear hearing another conversation about Nate, let alone Remus swooning over him. It made his blood boil, better yet, Nate made his blood boil. 

“I’m just going to grab those things, James. And then I’ll be out of your fur Sirius.” Nate winked towards the shocked boy in the doorway, laughing internally at his joke. There was no way Remus told Nate about them being, them. Right? Nate shuffled through the trunk that lay at the edge of Remus’s bed, searching for at least one jumper. He found an emerald green jnit sweater, one that he recognized from the night they first kissed. A small smile found itself on Nate’s lips as he thought about it, and then he thought about Sirius and James being very drunk and the smile faded as quickly as it worked its way there. He snatched the book, getting out of that dorm as quickly as he possibly could. He passed Peter on his way down the steps, someone who wasn’t in as nearly as big of a rush as he was. 

“Hey, Nate! You alright?” 

“Oh yeah, just getting some things for Rem, how about you?” Nate paused his body for the first time in at least fifteen minutes, his nervous system calming itself down as he launched into a conversation with Peter. 

“I’m wonderful, actually. Just back from the hall with Marlene, it was a nice change of pace not being there with James and Sirius. The obnoxiously loud buggers.” Peter was holding a copy of The Daily Prophet, one that appeared to be of no interest to him as he was tossing it about freely as he spoke. 

“That does sound nice. Anything interesting in the paper today?”

“Not really, no. Just some more stuff about the looming war and such. Nothing new.” Nate nodded understandingly, realizing how morbid and monotonous hearing about the war in every paper can be. He sure didn’t enjoy it, and saying he was terrified was an understatement. 

“Well, I best be on my way. See you later, yeah?” Peter smiled and waddled up the stairs quickly, trying to get to his dorm in a timely manner. 

“Okay, so Sirius is bloody terrifying Rem. How do you deal with him?” Nate was drawing closer to Remus, book, and jumper in hand. Remus smiled at the extra thought of bringing the jumper, thinking about how considerate Nate always seems to be. 

“Oh, he’s not that bad. I can have a talk with him if you’d like?” Nate handed Remus the sweater, holding the book to himself so he could read it. 

“NO! No, no. He’d be scarier after that. It’s alright, he just seems to not like me.” Nate waved his hands dramatically, almost hitting Remus in the head with his own book. 

“Fine, fine. But I swear on my life, that I will get him to like you. I mean you are very likable, very. And by the looks of it, you’d make a wonderful boyfriend.” 

“Is that your way of asking me out, Lupin?” Nate sat down in the open space next to Remus, wrapping his arm around Remus’s shoulder. Nate wasn’t short per say, but Remus was tall so the height difference made it quite the awkward position for him. 

“Why yes, yes it is.” 

“Well, it worked. I am in fact a wonderful boyfriend, and thanks to your charm, your boyfriend.” Nate kissed Remus on the cheek, leaving Remus with a fuzzy feeling inside his body. 

“You know, I’m glad you walked into me at that party a few months back, very glad.” 

“Well, I’m happy my clumsiness could be put to some good use. So, do you wanna read? Or sleep, cause I’d love to hold you, but I know you wanted to read so,” 

“I would love to sleep, and yes you can hold me. I’d love that too, a lot actually.” Remus’s hands had intertwined with one another, his fingers playing with each other as he nervously rambled on. 

As soon as Remus said that, Nate laid down and Remus soon did the same. It wasn’t the most comfortable arrangement, considering the size of the beds but they didn’t mind being close to one another. Their bodies quickly entangled each other as they napped, their limbs sitting atop one another in an attempt to drag themselves closer to each other. It could’ve been hours or a mere amount of minutes, but their bodies stayed like that, calmy entangled with one another, for what felt like an eternity. 

“Moony!” Sirius's voice boomed loud throughout the hospital wing, it’s emptiness dragging the sounds through each and every curtained-off bedroom. His excitement was quickly replaced with shallow disappointment as he looked at Remus’s bed. The two boys were still sleeping, their bodies closer than ever. They breathed the same breaths and touched the same limbs. It wasn’t the closeness that hurt Sirius the most, it was the fact that Remus had a small smile on his face, and he was happy with Nate. With Nate. 

A feeling soon builds up in his body, one that compares to a fist wrapped and twisting at the base of his spine. His breathing quickens and his palms grew clammier by the second. He remembers this feeling, but he couldn't remember what James had called it. A panic, something? His breaths were becoming labored and his head became dizzy, he couldn’t think properly. A panic attack, that’s what James called it, right? Yes, he thought. A panic attack. He felt as though he may faint, his body becoming delirious as he thought about his biggest fear. When he ran away, he felt alright for about a week, mostly because he was in shock. But after that, there was no stopping it. He had daily panic attacks and nightmares, the state his body called “fight or flight” never shutting itself off. Here he wasn’t fearful of home, he was past that- he was scared of losing the person that felt like an eternally better home, Remus. If Nate was there, would Sirius be pushed to the side? Would Remus ignore him? Sirius soon found himself clutching his chest on the floor, a sharp pain recurring in his chest with every breath. 

“Sirius?”