After the war Harry was different. Of course to others it would appear that way. They’d never known him well enough.
Most people just assumed it had started after Voldemort’s spell had hit him, guessed that when he came back from the dead that it messed up his body.
In some ways they where right, it did effect him in the way that he now couldn’t hide it, but that was always going to end up being the case anyway. Especially now that he didn’t have power hungry arseholes to fight a war against. He had nothing to distract him, nothing to hide behind.
It had actually all started when the Dursleys began locking him in his cupboard for days on end. How they expected a young child to not have accidents when they were confined to a small dark room, for days at a time, especially when they just ignored his cries and pleas for help was beyond him.
So really it was their fault, it had all started there anyway. He couldn’t help but wonder sometimes if it would have ended up so badly if the teachers at his muggle primary school had spoke up to local authorities rather than ignoring the obvious abuse he was going through.
Logically he also knew it would have happened a lot earlier than his first memory of it, but unfortunately he had no memories until he was around 4 or 5 when he started going to school and recognising that not only was he treated differently, he didn’t or rather couldn’t do what the other children was doing.
He remembers vividly his first day in reception, Aunt Petunia had practically abandoned him in the school playground in favour of fawning all over Dudley, all the other mums had been proudly fixing their children's uniforms and hugging them tightly as though it would be the last time, his aunt was no different with Dudley, but Harry had been stood on his own watching from afar. When he’d asked his Aunt after school he’d been told that only children with parents got treated that way and since she wasn’t his parent he had to stand on his own. Vernon had given him a smack to the backs of his legs for even daring to ask the question.
His first day of school though had been nothing short of disastrous. First of all Harry had no idea how to play with the other children, and had found it rather overwhelming suddenly being in a class of over 20. Then came snack time, all the children had run to their bags at the announcement of snack time and pulled out fruit or crisps. Harry hadn’t expected to have anything waiting in his bag, but it still upset him when he didn’t have a snack. His teacher had given him an apple out of the school kitchens and a cup of water. But then later in the day it was time for lunch, some of the children in his class including Dudley had been given a packed lunch and others where being taken into the school canteen for a cooked school meal. Harry however had no packed lunch and no one had paid for a school lunch for him. Again his teacher let him eat out of the schools kitchens and she declared she would pay for him.
Harry although taken back at the kindness of his teacher was shocked to be given a meal as well as a snack, he was already used to not eating much and being forgotten about at meal times. He ate and drank as much as his tummy would allow him and then was told he could go play outside with the other children.
It was while he was playing outside that it happened. Looking back now he was glad it happened outside and not in his classroom, but at the time he was mortified. He had been playing chase with some other children in his class when he realised he needed the toilet. He couldn’t figure out what he actually needed but he knew it was time to go. So Harry did what he usually did back at home and looked for a quiet corner to do his business.
He found a quiet corner and went and stood in it, he looked around to make sure no one was watching, because who could go when people stared at you, and he just relaxed and let go. At first he could just feel himself weeing, could feel it trickling down his legs and into his shoes but then he felt himself start to poop as well. Bending his knees slightly he pushed his poo out into the back of his pants and finished his wee. By the time he had finished he was stood in a puddle, he looked up to see his teacher coming over to him.
“Oh Harry” she said kindly “why didn’t you ask to go to the toilet sweetheart, we’ll have to get you all cleaned up now”. Harry looked at her dumbfounded “didn’t know I had to ask, I’m sorry” he replied sadly he was scared he was going to punished now for not knowing the rules.
His teacher, Miss Wilkinson had gently taken his hand and began to lead him back into the school. “When we need to go to the toilet Harry, we ask a grown up and then they will take you to the bathroom so that you can use the toilet and wash your hands”. Harry had stopped dead in his tracks “I’ve never used a toilet before, I don’t know how” he said quietly he was scared now there was different rules here than at home. At home he just went to the toilet and cleaned himself and his cupboard up after, here at school he was now allowed to use the toilet.
“I was afraid of that” Miss Wilkinson had said before she had a hushed conversation with another teacher while she ushered Harry into the bathroom where she helped clean him up and change him into new clean clothes from the lost and found basket. She quickly explained to him how a toilet worked and to ask to go to the toilet when he felt like he had to go otherwise he’d have more ‘accidents’ and the other children might not be kind about it after today.
At pick up time at the end of the day Miss Wilkinson had taken Aunt Petunia to one side and explained what had happened. To this day Harry isn’t sure what was said but he can only assume his Aunt had said he was lying about not knowing how to use the toilet because he was lazy, that was usually the excuse she gave. Because he knows now that it definitely should have been reported to local authorities that a 4 year old was claiming he had never used a toilet before.
That night along with the slap on his thighs for asking a question, Vernon had given him the worst beating he had gotten so far in his 4 years for being a disgusting freak and letting people see how freakish he was.
For the rest of his school life Harry was so careful about going to the toilet, he probably asked to go too often to be normal but he couldn’t always tell when he needed to go at school and it didn’t help that at home he was still being made to do it in his pants in his cupboard. Sometimes in the school holidays and over the weekends he’d be locked into his cupboard and wouldn’t be allowed out for days on end so of course he would end up having accidents then too.
It was when he was leaving primary school before he turned 11, before he discovered magic, that Miss Wilkinson his first ever teacher had taken him to one side and handed him a package of pull ups explaining what they was for and where he could continue to buy them.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t do more for you Harry” she had said to him. “It’s a cruel world and you don’t deserve the hand you’ve been dealt, you’re a strong brave boy and I hope you grow up to do amazing things” Harry should have said thank you, but he was too amazed at reviving his first ever present, he didn’t care that she obviously knew he still had accidents and couldn’t tell when he needed the toilet anymore.
He would be forever grateful to Miss Wilkinson and her kind heart because had she not explained where he could buy pull ups and what they was used for he would have had an even worse time at Hogwarts.
Since he turned 11 he had needed to wear pull ups everyday because Hogwarts was so big and he couldn’t always get to a bathroom in time. And he was getting worse at knowing when he needed to go.
At least he knew how to use the toilet and didn’t have to have any awkward encounters with his friends or teachers because quite frankly during his time at Hogwarts he had quite enough the contend with.
Of course he had eventually had to tell the Ron and Hermione while they was on the run in 7th year because there was no other way around it. He couldn’t always get pull ups so therefore he found it helpful to have them remind him to go to the toilet or have them not judge him for any accidents he had. Which he of course had many.
His most embarrassing accident came not long after Ron had left him and Hermione. He hadn’t even known he was having an accident or that he’d had one until Hermione had pointed it out to him.
They had just finished setting up the tent and wards for the night, Harry was crouching next to the campfire looking through what little supplies they had left for something to cook, while Hermione freshened up inside. When suddenly Hermione had come back out of the tent and let out a soft gasp.
“Honestly Harry, I know you can’t help it sometimes but couldn’t you have waited until you’d moved away?”
Harry stood up and turned round to face Hermione quickly, and it wasn’t until he had stood did he realise that while he’d been crouched down he’d unintentionally messed himself. He turned bright red, he could feel the heat of his embarrassment spreading from his face down to his neck and chest.
“I honestly didn’t know it had happened” he said shamefully. “This has never happened before ‘mione normally I realise when it’s too late sure, but I’ve never just gone and not known” he groaned and covered his face with his hands. “God I’m so sorry, you shouldn’t have to witness this. Fuck ‘mione what am I going to do” it was then that he realised he was still just stood there with the evidence of his accident in his pants.
Hermione had opened her mouth to reply, but Harry had already seen the pity on her face and he couldn’t stand it. He couldn’t stand being such a freak. He shook his head at her and stopped her reply before she could even begin.
“If you’ll excuse me” he said as he turned and found some trees and bushes to hide behind while he cleaned himself up. Thank god for magic he thought, as he vanished his mess and cast a cleaning spell at himself and his pants.
It had become clear in the last few weeks on the run that his little problem was getting worse. Sure he had had accidents and near misses before it was just a part of his life that he’d got used to, but he had never actually had an accident and not known before. He felt like a fucking toddler.
He had vowed there and then that if he made it through the war that he would go to St Mungo’s to figure out what was happening and if they could magic him better with potions and spells, no matter how embarrassing it might be for him at first.
And of course he had survived. Yes he had to die first but he came back and that was good enough for him. So he found himself at age 18 sat in a doctors office at St Mungo’s being given the news he’d suspected for a long time.
Healer Flynn was nice enough, he was a middle aged man who was quite clearly wearing a wig, he had kind brown eyes which put Harry at ease instantly. Flynn looked genuinely fuming when Harry had explained his story to him and he had quickly been sent for the most invasive tests he’d ever had before. Apparently for things like this the muggle method was better for determining how much feeling a function he had.
When he finally found himself back in Healer Flynn’s office he already knew it wasn’t going to be good news, he’d known that walking into St Mungo’s anyway. Harry could already see the pity in Flynn’s face the minute he walked into the room and he couldn’t stand pity.
“Just give it to me straight I’d rather you get it over with and just come out with it” Harry tried not to snap but it was hard when he was faced with pity.
“Yes, quite right Harry” the healer replied. “Well looking at all your results muggle and magical we have determined that you have little to no feeling in both your bowels and bladder, you are most definitely incontinent. There is unfortunately nothing we can do about this, neither muggle or wizard medicine is able to undo the damage caused from growing up the way you did. We also determined that when you died, while Voldemort abused your body with the cruciatus curse he caused some spinal very minor nerve damage in your back which if it hasn’t already will make your incontinence worse over time”
Harry just sat and gaped at the doctor, he knew deep down this was going to be the case but he wasn’t expecting there to be lasting effects from Voldemort too. He realised that regardless of his upbringing he would have ended up in this situation anyway thanks to Voldemort. He supposed he was lucky that he had basically had his whole life to get used to the idea of living this way.
Healer Flynn rummaged around his desk gathering leaflets and handed them to Harry. “Here is some information on incontinence but I dare say you will already be quite well versed in the subject, for which I am truly sorry your life started out in such a way. Now even though there is no treatment available for you, we can help you to manage your condition with things such as adult nappies or incontinence pants. Which you will find information on in those leaflets too.”
Harry appreciated how forward and straight talking his healer was being, he could forgive the comment about his early life, he supposed to outsiders it seemed terrible but he had lived it and survived so he’d rather not dwell on it.
“As a gesture of thanks and goodwill” Flynn continued “we at St Mungo’s will provide you with a months worth of adult nappies and incontinence pants, which should give you enough time to source your own supply’s, we will also give you a ministry funded voucher so that you will be able to revive discount on any products you need that relate to your condition, it was also work for muggle stores”
Harry remembers shaking the doctors hand before he left his office with his supplies shrunk in his pocket. He was glad he also had the forethought to stop in the bathroom on his way home to put on some of his new underwear. Because it wasn’t until he began to change did he realise his pants and boxers had already been slightly damp.
So yes after the war Harry was different, but he wasn’t really. He was just finally able to be himself and if people couldn’t accept him for who he was then they could go fuck themselves as far as he was concerned.
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Harry supposed he was quite lucky really. Given everything he had gone through and would continue to go through, he still had friends and family that loved him unconditionally and he had finally at the age of 20 figured out his sexuality.
Harry was unapologetically gay. There was no doubt about it, when he thought back to his time at Hogwarts and his attempts at dating girls he just wanted the ground to swallow him whole, what an idiot he had been.
His dating life hadn’t exactly been easy since he came out either. It was a bit of a killer when he had to tell prospective dates “hey I don’t actually have any control over when or where I go to the toilet and I have to wear adult nappies like a toddler” most of the time people laughed it off as a joke but quickly made excuses when they realised he was being deadly serious.
He had resigned himself to the possibility of not having a relationship because of his condition, but that was until he found love in the most unexpected place.
He had been at a bar when a familiar head of white blonde hair had caught his eye. There was no mistaking that it was Draco. And Harry had to admit that he looked good. He had grown into his pointy features, in fact from where Harry sat he had grown a lot of muscle and toned up. He certainly wasn’t the lanky teenager Harry remembered.
He was gorgeous. His hair had been shaved at the back and sides leaving an artful mop of hair on the top of his head. Harry had never seen Draco’s hair without gel sticking it back, and it looked like Draco had inherited the curly hair from the Black side of the family. It was stunning.
Draco approached Harry cautiously at the bar, looking like he was terrified of being hexed and told to piss off. Once he realised Harry wasn’t going to tell him to do one, a small smirk graced his face and Harry realised he was fucked.
Harry decided there was no harm in flirting a bit and seeing if there was any point in trying for love again, before he no doubt sent another man running for the hills.
“Long time no see, Potter” Draco drawled.
Harry looked Draco up and down, making it obvious he was checking him out and that he liked what he could see. Harry finished checking Draco out with a wink and turned back to the bar.
Draco’s smirk split into a smile “well I better buy you a drink then, what are you having?”
“I’ll have a gin and lemonade thanks” Harry replied moving over a seat so that Draco could join him at the bar. While he moved he could feel that his pull up was already wet, nothing to worry about, it could last another drink or two.
Since his diagnosis he had figured out most of the time he could get away with just wearing a pull up as long and he he changed them regularly, they were more discreet and he only really needed the extra protection of a nappy overnight or when he was unwell.
Harry was pulled from his thoughts by two drinks being placed in front of him, he turned to his right to thank Draco and found he was being intently watched already. He smiled and reaching for his drink took a long sip from the glass.
“So Draco, I’ve not seen you in this bar before where have you been hiding” Harry said in a conspiratorial whisper. He knew full well Draco had given himself a self imposed exile for a year in France with his mother while things died down. But where he had been this last year he didn’t know.
Draco ran a hand through his curls and huffed a small laugh. “I’ve been working on myself, you know working out in the gym, growing up and unlearning the vile things I was taught as a child, but most importantly I’ve been taking the time to figure out what I like” now it was his turn to obviously check Harry out, “and I’m definitely liking what I’m seeing right now” he took a sip of the beer he had ordered himself before sliding some money across the bar for the drinks.
“I’ve been trying out some other clubs really exploring myself and my options” Draco continued, “I’m surprised we haven’t ran into each other before now”
It was Harry’s time to explain where he had been hiding. “Shall we go find a booth to sit in and I’ll tell you all about it.” Draco nodded and scanned the bar for a free booth, he spotted one in the far corner of the bar and pointed towards it.
Harry nodded and as he stood up to move to the booth he realised he couldn’t wait any longer to change, he didn’t want to leak everywhere. “You go save it for us and the take the drinks over, I just need to run to the bathroom quickly. I’ll meet you there in 10”
“Yeah sure, I’ll see you soon” replied Draco and they both went opposite ways. Harry practically ran to the bathroom, he just hoped there would be a stall free or that there might be a disabled loo free.
As luck would have it the disabled toilet was free so he ducked in there. Taking his wand out of his wrist holster, he resized the spare pull up in his pocket and got to work and stripping and cleaning himself down before slipping on the new pull up.
Harry disposed of the used pull up in the sanitary bin, washed his hands and left to go meet Draco in the booth. Harry spotted Draco waiting for him and decided he might as well have some fun before Draco inevitably ran for the hills once he found out about Harry’s condition.
If he swayed his hips while he walked over a bit more than usual that was no one’s business. He slipped into the booth next to Draco and took a sip of his drink. “Sorry about that, you’ve got my undivided attention now” he said while taking in the features of Draco’s face now they was sat so closely.
“So go on then where have you been hiding this last year” Draco said kindly. It was Harry’s turn to run his hand through his hair nervously.
Taking a deep breath Harry thought there’s no point lying he’ll find out eventually and he’d rather know now if he was wasting his time. After one more sip of his drink he began.
“I won’t tell you everything in one go, because it’s very personal, but much like you I’ve been figuring myself out, learning about myself and why I am the way I am. It’s not been an easy 2 years but I accept myself and I’m happy, others don’t and that’s on them not me”
Draco nodded encouragingly. “I guess I should tell you the most important thing now, so you can make the choice to run for the hills and away from me.” He sighed, this bit was never easy he’d done it a few times now and every time it had left him feeling so shit about himself.
“Basically before we go any further I need to tell you that because of numerous reasons I won’t waste my time going into, I am completely incontinent, which means I rely on adult pull ups and nappies to save me from any embarrassment.” Harry was now looking down picking apart his paper coaster, now is usually the time people make shitty excuses and leave.
Harry looked up and was shocked that he didn’t see an ounce of pity of Draco’s face. Draco was looking at him sure but he didn’t pity him, there was something in Draco’s gaze that Harry couldn’t place, but it gave him the confidence to go on.
“There is no treatment for me, I can only manage it. Sure it’s embarrassing and people don’t stick around for long but this is who I am, and it is never going to change” Harry lifted his drink with a shaking hand took another sip and carried on “so if this is a deal breaker for you like it has been for everyone else, then please just leave now and spare me the heartache of getting my hopes up.”
Harry had been expecting to feel Draco get up and leave, without another word, just like everyone else had. He he not been expecting Draco to place a steady hand on top of his shaking had on the table and squeeze gently. “It’s not a deal breaker for me Harry” he said softly. “I’m really grateful that you told me about yourself, it makes me feel very honoured you’ve shared something so personal. I told you that I had been exploring what I liked, I also meant I’d been exploring what I liked sexually too, and Harry, sweetheart I can express to you enough how into this I am”
Harry gaped at his hand covered by Draco’s, he lifted his gaze to his face and stared dumbfounded at him. “I… what… sorry… you’re into this?” He asked shocked and definitely blindsided, this is not the way he was expecting this conversation to go.
“Yes, I’m into it. I’m a Dom and I am interested in a total power exchange in some settings that extends to me controlling my partners every need including when and where they go to the toilet. I also like to put my partners in pull ups or nappies because I think it’s incredibly sexy the lack of control.” Draco tried to explain as simply as he could, he knew he could be too much sometimes but he absolutely needed Harry to know he wasn’t disgusted and that he certainly wasn’t going anywhere.
Harry was utterly shocked he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. In the last two years of telling prospective lovers about his condition, it had never gone this way before. They had always left before he could finish, or politely sat and waited for Harry to finish talking before very impolitely running for the hills without so much as a goodbye.
He was even more shocked that Draco of all people in the world seemed to be exploring kink with him. This was a very interesting development and it made his head spin.
This he decided was only the beginning. He smiled seductively at Draco and replied “shall we go back to my flat?”
Draco readily agreed and Harry decided they would figure everything out together.
This was going to be great, Harry couldn’t wait.