Scar Tissue

“Oh, definitely” James agreed, as soon as they were coming down the stairs at the front of the house, and they could hear each other again.  “I was thinking-“

“Don’t say Steel Magnolias-“

“- Steel Magnolias!” 

Marlene rolled her eyes, James laughing a little too loudly. Both of them were trying to up the ante to distract the boy in the middle of them who was smiling, but whose eyes were a million miles away. 

“You just met the poor boy, you can’t be torturing him already.”

“What? I don’t mind.” Sirius interjected 

“Oh no you will mind as soon as James is a literal wreck.” Marlene insisted.

“Sally Field makes me feel things, okay?”

“What other movies do you have?” Marlene sighed.

James responded with an offended gasp. “I can’t believe you just dismissed my emotions involving Sally Field.” 

“I didn’t‘dismiss your emotions involving Sally field’.” she mocked.

“You literally just did.” he pointed an accusatory finger at her, “ Just admit it. Admit that you felt nothing when Julia Roberts died!” Marlene looked up at the sky, willing God to give her the patience to not slap James Potter clean across the face. 

“I can’t believe you’re still stuck on this-” 

“What type of human being doesn’t cry at the ending of Steel Magnolias!”

“I did cry! I just didn’t release my entire water intake for the day in the process like you.” 

James stared at her for a beat, and then ploughed on.

 “Did you come out of the womb heartless or is it something you learned?”

“Are people born evil or are they taught it?” Marlene responded, looking forward broodingly.

“Can you stop changing the fucking conversation-”

They kept the back and forth going until they arrived at James’ house forty minutes later - ‘walking distance’ being a very loose term for him. They had gone through James’ entire movie collection, both of them stopping every once in a while to ask Sirius’ opinion. He seemed content with anything, if a little lost in what was going on.

Finally, they settled on When Harry Met Sally - Rom Coms seeming to be the common ground between the both of them, movie-wise. When Sirius said that he had never seen it, well that settled everything. Both James and her were almost vibrating with excitement, so much so that it seemed to infect Sirius, and he was smiling a bit more by the time they reached James’ house. 

It was a light yellow-coloured bungalow, much like Marlene’s and much like every other shitty house in a low-income area in LA. James opened the silver, wiry gate that enclosed the house, along with a small front lawn. Where Marlene’s front lawn was sandy and unkept, James’ was immaculately looked after - “My father spends hours in the garden. He found this article the other day that said that plants can get depressed, and now he’s started singing to them. Sometimes I come home and he’s just sitting there busting out Bob Marley’s entire discography for the Aloe Vera.” 

Walking up the small concrete ramp up to James’ front door, he turned around and looked at Sirius. 

“My parents will honestly be cool with you staying, by the way. They’re lovely, welcoming people. I mean, how do you think I turned out so wonderful?” he smiled and turned around, with a satisfied hum, to unlock the door.

Sneaking a glance at Sirius, he seemed a bit more calm, but she could see his chest was rising and falling at an above-average rate. 

“I’ve never actually been inside James’ house, so I can’t guarantee that he doesn’t, like, collect china dolls or has mickey mouse bed sheets or something. So if you see anything that looks kind of strange, I urge you to bear in mind that James grew up an only child and I feel like that explains a lot.” Marlene whispered gravely to Sirius.

The other boy’s face seemed to soften at that, as the corners of his mouth quirked up. 

“If I say the word ‘mango’, it means I have found his hidden collection of smurf figurines and that we should start running.”

“Good idea. I don’t think I’d be able to look at him the same way.” Marlene nodded.

“I can hear you!” James informed them, not even bothering to turn around as he opened the door and walked inside. The other two followed him in. 

“No collection of collectible special edition plates on the wall… I think it’s looking good.” Marlene noted.

“Yes but out of the corner of my eye I see something that suspiciously looks like a pillow with his face on it.” 

Marlene turned around to see a large square pillow sitting on the sofa with James’ prepubescent face plastered all over it. He looked around twelve, with a grin that took up half of his face and large black glasses that took up the other half. 

“No!” Marlene gasped.

“It was a mother’s day gift! And I’m not going to be ashamed of the fact that my parents love me and that I love them.” James threw over his shoulder as he continued setting about his keys in the entrance and doing other menial tasks around the living room. Marlene rolled her eyes playfully, but one look at Sirius told her that he had deflated a little bit.

“Marls, can you help me prepare the snacks? You just sit here and make yourself comfortable.” he directed at Sirius.

“Thought it would be best to give him some alone time to just gather his thoughts for a bit.” he whispered once they had left the living room. 

James had once told her that his parents had had the wall of one of the two bathrooms taken down to make the kitchen bigger, because both his parents loved to cook. The fact that they all now shared one collective bathroom was one of James’ greatest struggles - something that would probably make it into his memoirs one day. The kitchen was airy, James opening one of the widows as soon as he stepped in. The orange light from the streetlamps outside spilled into the room, engulfing the room in a chequered pattern through the mosquito net. Marlene sat on the countertop, giving an in-depth explanation of one the songs she was currently writing (including a superb air-guitar performance) while James rummaged around in various cupboards, sometimes contributing with small suggestions here and there.

“Mum made Dodol a few days ago, so I’ll put that out. And then there’s some M&Ms somewhere in here.” his eyes lit up as his hands reached something in a cupboard next to the sink, “Marls, I’m going to ask you something. I’m not gonna tell you what it is but you have to answer yes or no.”

“Yes.” she replied instantly.

“Okay, well I’ve got some normal popcorn in case the other one sucks so don’t worry.” He grinned as he pulled out a bag of popcorn with the words DOCTOR PEPPER FLAVOURED stamped on the front.

“That looks disgusting. I’m so excited.” she returned the grin and James began fumbling with the microwave settings. 

“You know once I almost burnt the house down while heating something up in the microwave.” Marlene mused. James looked back at her, horrified. He pulled a hand out as a sort of barrier between her and the microwave and, well, Marlene couldn’t let him insult her pride like that. She moved to give him a small punch in the arm and before she knew it they were scrapping in the middle of the kitchen. Marlene had James in a headlock when a small voice interrupted them from the living room.

“Ummm… James?” 

Both their heads immediately snapped up, James getting up and leaving the kitchen into the living room, Marlene following him. 

In the middle of the room stood a small woman with long, black hair, crossing her arms over her light bathrobe. Her eyes were crinkled with a permanent gleam, as if she was smiling, but her body language clearly indicated that she was upset at being woken up at one in the morning by her teenage son.

“And just what do you think you’re doing?” 

James laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. 

“Sorry, amma, it’s just that Marlene - you know Marlene - and I were leaving this party and- and Sirus - that’s the random guy on the sofa - well, he missed his bus. And it’s not a night bus. So he couldn’t get home. And…and… you know - I didn’t really know what else to do…”

He paused, at a loss of words to say.

“No, continue,” the woman - James’ mom, Marlene figured, - encouraged, an expression of vague amusement settling on her face, “I’m enjoying seeing how you got your inability to confront me from your father.” 

Marlene snorted at that.

“Traitor.” James spat at her. She just shrugged her shoulders in reply. James’ mother turned to Sirius on the sofa, who was looking at her with thinly veiled terror on his face.

“Of course you can stay.” she smiled, “For how long?”

The other boy seemed to squirm under her gaze. 

“Just tonight is okay.” he murmured

“And where will you be going after?”

“Umm… I have a few friends-”

Marlene scoffed at that, catching the attention of everyone in the room. She didn’t know how to say that the ‘friends’ he probably has met at those parties were anything but, without getting James in trouble for being at those same parties to begin with. She once asked him how his parents let him go out at the rate he did, and he said that he could never really lie but that he left out certain key information. His parents were lax to begin with, but they were also very naive about what it really meant to go to the places they went to; they thought that the worst that was found at those parties was booze.

“And what about your parents?” Euphemia carried on after the interruption.

“Not people I will go back to.” Sirius said in a small voice, but with a defiant look in his eye.

Euphemia pursed her lips, but she seemed to let the subject drop.

“Then stay as long as you need. I mean it. James, go grab the mattress from your bed, move the table and put it here. There’s not enough space in your bedroom for the three of you. Two of you can sleep on the sofas for tonight. I’m assuming you’re sleeping here too, Marlene?”

James had left as soon as he had been instructed to, leaving Marlene to fend for herself. She suddenly felt self-conscious, realising that she was meeting James’ parents for the first time in a light pink lace dress - effectively lingerie. Euphemia seemed nice and funny and Marlene tried to grapple for something that would make her seem more trustworthy.  

She nodded, mutely, “I’m a lesbian, so you don’t have to worry about James sleeping in the same room as me.” the words tumbled involuntarily from her mouth. Fuck. Why did she just say that? It was the first time she had said those words aloud to another person and she had just done it to impress her friend’s mother. Marlene was slightly mortified. James snorted a laugh, as he came in, almost dropping the mattress he was carrying. Euphemia just smiled a bit more.

“I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to say that to me. But girls aren’t the only worry with James. I should’ve known when he was young and the prospect of choosing a candy bar made him burst out crying. He can’t even pick what food he wants at the grocery store, what made me think he would be able to choose a gender?” she smiled fondly at her son, who grinned back. 

“How could I close myself off to any gender? I’m just giving the people what they want.” James smiled grandly. 

“Public service, really.” Marlene added. 

“I’m so glad I raised such a thoughtful son.” Euphemia agreed, “And, besides, I trust my Jamie either way.” she ruffled James’ hair, and then took in a large breath. 

“Anyways, I’m going back to bed, but tomorrow we can buy an extra mattress-bed. And we can get you some new clothes.” She smiled warmly at Sirius, who returned the smile, but looked down at his own clothes, self-consciously. 

“Deu bori sanz dium.” James grinned at his mom.

“Night night” she replied, before gliding out of the room. 

It was Marlene who broke the silence that had befallen the room first.

“James I think I’m in love with your mom.”

“Fuck! The popcorn!” he jumped up as he ran to the kitchen, “We’ll talk about your intentions with my mother later.” came a muffled shout from the other room.

Marlene rolled her eyes good-naturedly, falling down with a muffled thump onto the sofa next to Sirius, who looked deep in thought. After a while he sucked a deep breath in. He turned to Marlene, in a way she knew he thought came off as nonchalant. 

“How did you know you were a lesbian?” 

Oh. Well she wasn’t really expecting that.

The truth is that people generally seemed to want some emotional, transformative story of the first time Marlene realised she liked girls. It wasn’t really like that. As soon as she was conscious of the fact that she could find other people romantically attractive, it was always women she thought about. It took much longer for her to realise she liked only women. But really it was one of those things where living with it was much more complicated than realising it. 

Her parents… well they were a different matter. They were never openly hostile about queer people, but they were of the belief that in men it was a perversion and in women, a delusion. The strange thing was that it never made her sad - it was just another thing she kept from her parents. She honestly thought that she would probably never tell them. It did however make her hear the blood rushing in her ears when the topic was brought up, and she would have to force a neutral expression on her face. 

“Well, I’d never even said it out loud until just then.” she huffed out a laugh. 

“Really?” Sirius’ eyes widened in surprise. 

“What are we talking about?” James interrupted as he jumped down on the sofa, spilling some popcorn from the bowl onto his shoulder. He started using his tongue to try and pick it up, forgoing using his hands. 

“I was telling Barry here that that was the first time I had said that I was a lesbian out loud.” she informed him 

“Really? Awwww, mom would be very touched.” 

“You didn’t know?” Sirius asked, clearly confused. 

“Well not officially.” James clarified as he lay back on the sofa, “She once told me that she was ‘bent’ and then gave me a lecture on British slang when I asked her to expand, so I just kind of left it alone. Plus, the girl I saw her making out with at a party that one time as well as the various girls i’ve seen her flirt with shamelessly were a bit of a giveaway. Hey, do you remember that girl you made us follow around the grocery store that one time because you thought she was really cool but didn’t know how to casually start conversation?” he chuckled at the memory. 

“Hmmmm I seem to have no memory of that. Are you sure it wasn’t a hallucination?” 

“I have the scars on my arm from when you pulled me to hide behind the apples to prove it.” James countered. 

Marlene turned the movie on in order to prevent any further humiliation from James. They were all huddled on the sofa, with Sirius holding the bucket of popcorn between them. There wasn’t really any need to be as squished as they were, given that there was another sofa for them to stretch out on, but all of them seemed content where they were. As the movie went on, Sirius started speaking up more, earlier shame seeming to have faded away somewhat. None of them could sit for longer than a few seconds without commenting on the movie, which was perfect. Soon they were all in a one-sided whisper-screaming match (so as to not wake up James’ parents) with the TV. 

“Just because you’re a perv who can’t treat women like human beings instead of potential sex objects doesn’t mean that you’re right!” Sirius hissed, quietly but aggressively. Both of them hummed in agreement. 

“God, I wish Carrie Fisher was my mom” Marlene mused. 

“Ugh, what a milf.” James agreed. 

When it came out that Sirius had never watched Star Wars… well that was just perfect. James was quick to arrange a Star Wars marathon the day after tomorrow. Marlene looked over to Sirius while James was talking animatedly with his hands, and his smile was brighter than the star he was named after. 

“Thanks.” Sirius smiled, voice a bit more serious - ha - than what was probably normal when you’ve just been told you have been roped into almost seven hours of science-fiction. Marlene got the feeling that he was thanking them for more than just that. 

James simply clapped him on the shoulder, casually, “Honestly, I should be thanking you.”

“Oh yeah,” Sirius smiled again, the tension visibly easing out of his body, “Star Wars virgin and that.” Sirius rolled his eyes at that, but underneath you could tell he was glowing. 

After a while they all dozed off, piling up on top of each other on the singular sofa that they had insisted on sharing, making them hot and sticky in the summer heat. 

They never got to the end of the movie.