Scar Tissue

And so it went on, and their little duo became a trio. Sirius (much to the other two’s annoyance) had no desire to join their band. No matter how much they tried to persuade him - there came a point where James would go on long monologues about how fulfilling the life of a musician was, and Marlene would take to printing out pictures of Bowie and Neil Young and waving them in Sirius’ face - the other boy never budged. Apparently he had played the violin when he was younger, and playing any sort of instrument brought up bad memories for him. They didn’t ask much into it. They were learning that Sirius had a lot of boundaries that they had to make sure not to cross; coming up behind him without warning, initiating physical contact first. Sirius was actually a very physically affectionate person, but only when he was the one who initiated the hug. A pit deepened from her heart to her stomach whenever she noticed him shut his eyes forcefully - that tell-tale sign that he was overwhelmed.

He also had periods when he would go completely silent. After, he wouldn’t be able to explain why, just that it felt like he had had the life sucked out of him. Like he was stuck in a chair, plastic tubes sticking out from his arms, his legs, his head, draining all of his energy. In those moments, talking took all of his strength.

But putting it like that made it seem like Sirius was just a quiet and deeply troubled person. And, although he almost definitely was troubled, he wasn’t quiet, and he was impressively good at putting on a mask. No one would probably say, after seeing Sirius stroll through a room, sending half-smirks and winks in every direction and keeping up a steady stream of chatter, that he was anything other than carefree. It was only James and her who had learned to read the signs, and Marlene wasn’t even very good at it - James seemed to be a lot better.

They were at The Garage, a small but packed bar on the Santa Monica Boulevard. It was more of a rock club masquerading as a bar, with a small stage for bands. The place was teeming - as it was most nights - with people getting fucked on alcohol that tasted suspiciously similar to gasoline. Marlene had grown up in the scene hearing legends about the place, and she still got a little awe-struck when she saw the people that hung around there, with perfectly messy hair and the perfectly sleek outfits. 

The room was smokey and she had already had fifteen cocktails bought for her, which she divided equally amongst herself and the other two boys. They had bumped into a few of Marlene’s friends - ‘friends’ being a very loose term. More like acquaintances. But they were interesting enough to talk to and Marlene was already too drunk to care. She probably could have just sat at a barstool staring at a glass of water and been entertained. Sirius had left a few minutes ago to buy some more cigs after they had looked in the pack and only seen three more left. The noise was deafening, Sirius having pushed them into the corner nearest the stage. Marlene could feel the metallic strum of the guitar in her teeth. She took James’ hand, waved a quick goodbye at the rest of the group, and led him towards the stage door she could see, sticking out in the middle of one of the bar’s dark red walls.

Behind the door was a tunnel, lit in marine blue. They both crept slowly towards the door at the end of the corridor. They passed various backstage rooms, one of which contained voices that were creeping louder and louder until it was a full-blown shouting match. James and her just tried to make it out of the backdoor as soon as possible.

Outside, the air was disappointingly still humid. Marlene tied her hair up in a bun, feeling small strands of hair already sticking to the back of her neck. She spotted Josie’s sky-blue Ford Pinto; a banged-up car adorned with various scratches and one large dent in the right-hand-side door at the back, making it unable to open. Marlene made her way over to it, stumbling a few times and stopping for strategic rest-breaks. The alcohol made her coordination go out the window, but she clambered onto the hood of the car and then its roof anyways.

“Josie won’t mind.” she insisted, and then “I swear!  when James didn’t look all that convinced. 

Eventually, he gave in, plopping himself down next to her. She pulled out the carton and gave one of the cigarettes to James. She took a deep breath, bringing her own cigarette to her lips, taking a puff. From up there she could see the rows of cars, in various conditions, lining both sides of the cracked concrete. They were on the side-street, so it was less bustling than the main road, but they could still hear the low buzz of voices and cars rushing by. Since they weren’t on the ground, she could now feel a cool breeze starting to settle in. It rustled through the leaves in the palm trees up above. She looked towards the end of the street, where the dark blue of the sky rippled in waves, turning into lighter blues, and then purples, and pinks and reds towards the setting sun. The sterility of the red and green neon sign of the bar juxtaposed the warm yellow streetlights up ahead. The street spilled out into small warehouses on either side.

“Isn’t it just beautiful?” she asked, quietly bewildered. James hummed in agreement. “I don’t think I could ever live anywhere ugly.”

 James frowned a bit, in thought, “I think I could live anywhere as long as I was with the right people.” 

“Of course you could.” she smiled, the smoke from her cigarette obstructing the view momentarily, “People are complicated. They’re fascinating, sure, but complicated. Well, maybe relationships is the word I’m looking for, not people. I can’t not think about my friends all the time - it’s like there’s this part of my brain that’s constantly whirring. I’m just always thinking about how they’re feeling, what I can do to make them feel better, what I should say next time I see them in order to make sure they smile, because I care about them - about you - so much, you know what I mean?”

She turned to James, a knowing glimmer in his eye, “More than you think.”

“And sometimes life gets hard. Sometimes it’s all complicated and messy. And sometimes, even the thought of other people makes me want to scream. But a nice view isn’t like that. No unsaids, nothing beneath the surface. It’s all just there. You know, I’ve had some bad moments in my life, and maybe it sounds ungrateful or whatever, but my friends or family never really pulled me through. My brother… well, it’s not important. The important part is that people were never what calmed me down. It was always this.” she pointed her head in the direction of the view, “The world’s so beautiful. I swear, moments like these are the only times where it feels like my brain finally stops for a while.”

She turned to see James staring at her with such warmth in his dark eyes. Marlene pulled the last cigarette - the ‘lucky cig’ - and pulled out the lighter. When she looked back at him, his expression changed as the corners of his mouth started turning upwards.

“When we’re famous, I’m going to pay to have a huge billboard of my face right in front of your window. That way, you can always wake up to the most beautiful view.”

Marlene gave him a playful shove in response with her free hand, still holding the lucky cig in the other.

BANG!

Both their laughter was interrupted by the loud clang of the heavy metal door being opened from the side of the bar, banging into the concrete wall from the force.

“Fuck!” a boy about their age stormed out, holding his right fist in his other hand. James and her looked at each other, silently asking the other whether it was rude to stare. They settled on looking forwards again towards the alleyway, but remaining silent in order to still hear the conversation.

“I should have put him through the fucking wall. Who does he think he is?”

“You can’t just hit something if you don’t think it’s working properly. People aren’t toasters.” Another voice - a woman.

“Well what would you have suggested?” the boy returned, bitterly.

“Rat poison in his food.” she replied, calmly. The other boy huffed out a laugh, deflating a little bit. 

“I’m sorry.”

“He deserved it.”

“I was trying to push him to see how far he would go. I didn’t think Sev would actually say it.”

“I did. I’ve sort of known for a while now. I just - well I don’t really know what I was thinking.” She paused and sighed frustratedly. It seemed like she was trying to find the right words, “I just didn’t want to feel like all these years of friendship were for nothing. Like I get why he thinks that way. He was raised with those views. And his father…” Another pause, “Was I stupid to think that I would be enough to change that? I feel really fucking dumb now…”

“No, not stupid. Just, forgiving. At this point you can’t blame it on his childhood, Lily. It’s his active choice. He actively chose to call you a whore, he-”

Marlene and James gasped in shock at the word. Who the fuck did this guy think he is, calling her a whore? Apparently they weren’t very subtle about it, because the boy’s conversation stopped in its tracks. 

“Are you- are you guys listening to our conversation?” the girl asked. Marlene shut her eyes, as if she was still one of those babies that thought they disappeared as soon as they put their hands over their eyes. Maybe she wasn’t even talking about them, she hoped.

“I’m talking to you two on the car.” 

Well… shit. James and her both turned around a bit sheepishly. They got off the car and started walking towards them. Now that she could see them, she noted that the woman’s calm voice did not match her appearance at all. Strands of red, fiery hair fell out of her half-up half-down hairdo. She had minimal makeup on, just dark eyeliner that emphasised the kaleidoscope of greens in her eyes. Her skin was dotted with freckles everywhere; on her face, on the bare arms that came out of her black waistcoat and the strip of skin just above where her dark green skirt began. It looked like it had been ripped to be made shorter. She was glaring at them, but the other boy next to her was just looking at them with mild curiosity. 

“Hey guys I’m so sorry.” James started apologetically, his words slurring a little from the alcohol. “We really weren’t eavesdropping in a gossipy way. It’s just that the door slamming open caught our attention. At first I thought I was gonna have to break up a fight-”

“Are you okay?” Marlene interrupted, looking directly at Lily.

Her gaze softened a bit and she sighed, “Yeah. It’s - well the other guy in our band is a bit of an asshole. He said that I was cheapening myself as a musician by dressing the way I do and performing the way I do on stage. He said that no one would respect me as an artist if I was a whore.” 

“I’m surprised you didn’t put him through the fucking wall.” she directed at the other boy.

“I hope you mean ‘guy who was in our band’” James huffed.

“Absolutely” she responded, her gaze hardening.

“What do you guys play?” James asked as he stole the cigarette from Marlene’s fingers with a cheeky smile.

“I play bass, she plays guitar.” the boy next to Lily supplied from the spot where he was leaning against one of the large blue bins.

Marlene’s eyes lit up. At this, she turned to look at James, who was mirroring her expression of unbridled joy. Double score. They had, in front of them, the two exact instruments they were missing. James turned to look at the other two, who were looking back with the type of reserved bewilderment that is saved for children when they tell you to look at a particularly fascinating rock. Remus’ eyes seemed to hide a little bit of amusement, and Marlene took that as a positive.

“Perfect!” James exclaimed, “we’ve both been looking for the second half of our band for a while now. I play the drums, and Marlene can rock a really good karaoke cover of You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette - ow!” he was interrupted by Marlene's elbow in his ribs. 

“I sing. Well.” she amended, “And we already have contacts. We’ve been in this scene for, like, years.”

The other two looked back at them with mild trepidation. 

“We don’t even know your names.” Lily pointed out. 

At that moment, the door swung open again and Sirius burst into the alleyway.

“Where the fuck have you two been? I step out for five fucking minutes and suddenly you’re all gone! I almost had a heart attack! I’ve seen some of the guys around here throw a punch and I know I’d get beaten to a pulp if I had to come and defend your honour - and my face would be ruined!”

He stood there with his hands on his hips whilst James and her looked down like scolded children. Their guilt only lasted three seconds before they looked back up again with matching grins. 

“Our saviour!” Marlene cooed as he walked up to them, handing her the packet of cigs. He glared back at her. 

“Oh, come on, you’re just upset that you had to ask Luke where we had gone off to.” James smirked.

“The man insulted Bowie! ‘Corporate sellout’ my ass.” he rolled his eyes.

“Well… I mean…” James started, clearly trying to wind Sirius up.

“Don’t finish that fucking sentence Potter.”

“I just think that there’s some validity to the claim that-”

“You little shit-” Sirius started, before trying to whack the lighter out of James’ hand while he tried to light the cigarette. Soon they were locked in some sort of slapping contest, before Sirius put James in a headlock. 

Marlene sighed, and turned back to look at the other two. “I’m Marlene, and tweedle-dumb and tweedle-dumber over there are James and Sirius”

“Which one’s which?” Lily asked as the two boys stopped their fighting in order to look at Marlene with varying looks of offendedness. They both let each other go and walked back to the others. 

“I’m Sirius”, the boy said, quirking a smile at Lily. His smile faltered a little when he saw the other boy, “And you are?”

“Remus.” the other boy supplied. His hair was black and curly, his complexion incredibly tanned. He had a permanent smirk etched onto his face. His band tee, as well as his corderouys and his flannel shirt (why the fuck he was wearing a flannel shirt in mid-July, Marlene couldn’t figure out for the life of her) were oversized and fading, fraying at the edges. He, like Lily, had freckles, except they were only splashed across his cheekbones. He was all rough edges, bags under his eyes and arms crossed defensively around his torso. 

“Nice name, wolf-boy” Sirius smirked. Marlene swore she saw his cheeks tinge slightly red.

“Okay - tell you what - we were gonna go to another bar a bit further down San Mon. How about you join us, and then when you make your decision on whether you want to join the band without us being strangers?”

“Sure, why not?” came almost immediately from Remus. He looked to Lily, to see if she would protest. When she returned the look with silence, James spun around on his feet and started walking, shouting at everyone to follow him.

“Nice name, wolf-boy.” Marlene giggled in Sirius’ ear, earning herself a shove. His cheeks flushed red.

James was in the lead, while the other four walked in a huddle a few paces behind him. They had rearranged themselves into pairs, so that from a distance they resembled a group of preschoolers going on a field trip to their local park, with James as their teacher. Marlene had manoeuvred herself to be next to Lily, so that Sirius and Remus were alone in front of them. Sirius blushed. She had never seen him do that before. He had hid it quite well, but she could tell. 

They took the others to Prewett’s, because of course they did. 

Between the fifteen minutes it took for them to walk from The Garage to the intersection of Santa Monica and Mariposa, Marlene had already practically fallen in love with Lily Evans. Conversation was easy, and they talked about anything and everything they could think of. She was a lot more reserved than the likes of her or James, or even Sirius, depending on his mood. But she was still willing to discuss everything from where to get the best waistcoats (“Flea markets where really old people go. Marlene, I'm talking like ancient.”) to their mutual love of eurovision. Marlene was stumbling as she walked - a side-effect of the drink she had already bought as well as the one she bought during the walk when they decided to buy more so that Remus and Lily weren’t lagging behind in terms of sobriety. Lily and her were clinging onto each other for dear life. The walk went by in a flash.

When they stumbled into Prewett’s, the bar was relatively full. Fabian gave them a small wave from the counter, and Marlene ambled her way behind the counter, tripping over her shoes and probably even the oxygen atoms in the room (that’s how bad her balance was) in her quest to give him a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. She turned back and made the treacherous journey towards the booth. 

“I love Neil Young” Remus began, pointing at the large poster, “I listen to Needle and the Damage Done all the time.” 

He turned back around to see James and her looking at him with faces of amazement. 

“You’re perfect.” James whispered in awe. 

They spent the rest of the night trying to convince Fabian that they should be served something stronger than the shitty beer he was giving them. Lily, who was probably a lawyer in her past life, changed tactics and offered wine as an alternative. Five minutes later, they were sitting around three shitty bottles of sauvignon blanc, instead of beer. 

“How did you even meet that asshole?” Sirius asked, having been filled in on the story on the way there.

Lily sighed, “My neighbour. Him, Remus and I have been in school together our whole lives. I met Remus when he asked me to marry me behind the sandbox.”

“The marriage didn’t end happily,” Remus deadpanned, “I caught her marrying Simone Weiley behind the swings the next day.”

“She had more to offer me.” Lily shrugged her shoulders, “She said she would let me play with her barbie.”

“Gold-digger.”

Lily smiled at Remus and his face unwillingly broke into a smile of his own.

“How do you guys know each other?” she turned to ask them.

“We met Sirius while he was puking his guts out at a party and Marlene and I go to the same school.” James filled in before taking a sip of his glass.

“What school?” 

“Hogwarts.”

“No shit.” Lily turned to look at both of them, “So you guys are like music geniuses, right?”

“I wouldn’t say geniuses,” Marlene clarified, “I mean James is just better than the average person at hitting something with a stick.” Everyone laughed at that, and Marlene continued on, “Me, however? Yeah I’m a genius.”

“What do you play?” Lily indulged her.

“Piano.” Marlene replied, smugly.

“Okay but isn’t what you do technically just hitting keys with your hands instead of a stick” James quipped.

“Yeah, except it requires skill.” Marlene retorted.

Their conversation carried on in much the same way. She found that they just clicked, she couldn’t really describe it in any other way. It was like all self-consciousness had gone out of the window, and they were free to be as embarrassing and stupid as they wanted to be. It was freeing, in such a fake and shallow city, to find people who felt so real. Lily scrunched her face up whenever she laughed, beaming a smile. More often than not, the liquid in Remus’ glass would spill over the corners of the glass when he went to drink from it, drenching the front of his shirt. They weren’t perfect, and so in a way, to Marlene at least, they were.

Somewhere between the second and third glass, Lily spilled wine all over Marlene’s top. She immediately started flooding her with apologies, grabbing napkins and trying to dry the spillage. Marlene really didn’t care - she’d had much worse spilled on her top - and she meandered through the crowd of people towards the bathroom. 

Inside, she made her way to the dryer and took her top off. The lights were dimmed, so it was difficult for Marlene to see whether the cloth was drying.

“Shitty rock bars with their shitty lights,” she muttered.

“I know right?” came a voice from one of the stalls. It had a soft Southern drawl. “I really don’t need the restroom to be vibey,just well-lit enough for me to know whether I’m hitting the toilet bowl when I piss.”

The door on the toilet stall furthest to the left swung open, revealing a girl about Marlene’s age. Her golden hair curled up at the edges, like farah fawcett - her hair looked soft. Her deep brown eyes were slightly sunken in with large eyebags underneath, but they looked at Marlene with a mischievous glimmer as she strode up to the sink next to her. She was wearing a black, strapless corset and a small skirt, revealing the small bumps where her collar bones stuck out, and a small silver necklace with a crescent moon. 

Marlene’s mind had stuttered to a stop. The other girl looked down to where Marlene was shirtless and only in her bra, and then looked back up again. This didn’t really help Marlene’s current vegetative state.

“I’m Emmeline.” she half-smiled as she washed her hands. Marlene’s eyes were drawn to the small dimples she could see on both her cheeks.

“Nice name.” she finally got out, though not without some effort. She would not be telling Sirius about this conversation. "Marlene."

“What’cha doin’?” the other girl quirked, as she hopped up to sit on the sink next to her. Marlene was trying to think of a response, but was too conscious of the spot on the side of her stomach that Emmeline’s leg was touching. 

“Friend spilled wine on my shirt.” was her underwhelming response. Wow, she silently chastised herself, one look from a pretty girl and your brain has combusted.

“I can see that.” she smirked, drawing her eyes slowly over Marlene’s entire body. 

Marlene took a deep breath to compose herself. “Where you from?”

“Mississippi. You?”

“LA born and raised, though I’m originally from Argentina.” Marlene was doing better. Conversation was easy; she knew how to talk to people. She’d be fine.

“LA born and raised, huh?” she repeated, “So you can show me around? I’m new here and I’d like to not be so clueless about where everything is. Although I’m not sure if I’d be able to concentrate on anything else with you in front of me.”

“Hmmm I bet that’s what you say to all the shirtless girls.” Marlene quipped, rolling her eyes a little.

“I assure you I don’t.” Emmeline bit the side of her lip. The other girl’s eyes darted down to them. They looked soft and lovely. 

Well, it took no less than ten seconds for Marlene to be pinned up against the wall.

—

Marlene crept in through the unlocked window of her house at around 5am. They had dropped Lily and Remus at the bus stop that would take them home, and James and Sirius had walked back with her so that she wouldn’t be alone. Her feet hit the wooden floor with a dull thud. She quietly opened the door to her room, closing it behind her slowly so that it didn’t make a noise. The other bed, the one closest to the door, was empty. Marlene registered that it was strange that her brother wasn’t there sleeping, but didn’t think much of it as she dumped the shoes she had been holding on the floor and flopped down on the bed. 

The bedroom door creaked as it opened, and before Marlene could sit up to see who was there, her mother’s voice rang loud and clear. 

“Where the fuck have you been?”