Black Rose [Regulus Black]

"This is it," Regulus said sarcastically. "You think some grass will help me perform a complex charm."

Alessandra rolled her eyes at him. "It's not the grass, silly. It's the atmosphere."

"The atmosphere," he repeated skeptically. "Do tell, what it is about the air that makes this place special?"

"It's not the air," she growled, flustered. "It's the atmosphere."

"I dunno, the air seems the same to me," he teased.

She stomped her foot. "It has a different... I don't know how to say it. Doesn't standing here give you peace?"

He inhaled deeply, considering it. They stood on top of a hill somewhere, able to see a good part of the city, buildings glowing under the orange sunset, their lights flickering on as pink and purple ribbons were beginning to streak the sky. Chilly gusts of wind were blowing but thanks to the heating charms, they seemed like soft breezes, making it all the more pleasant.

"Yes. But I don't think a nice place is going to bring me happiness."

"No, but it's to set the mood. Your surroundings also impact your mood. If you're in a quiet, calm place with nobody watching you and pressurizing you, and you're surrounded by nature, you might actually be able to do this."

"I mean... you're watching me."

"I will set Moody on you," she threatened him, her nostrils flaring. "Now, do it."

"Nobody's watching you, she said. Nobody's pressurizing you, she said."

"Regulus," she whined. "Come on, try."

"I'm sorry, I just don't think this is going to help."

"You haven't even tried!"

"At best, a few wisps of smoke will come out. Why are we wasting time here? I could take you somewhere on a nice date, and then we could-"

"I will push you over the hill if you don't start trying. Come on, at least try. You've made so much progress already."

"Yeah, from grey smoke to white smoke."

"It's gotten thicker! That's progress."

"If the standards are that low for you, my work is easier than I thought it would be."

It took her a moment to get the double meaning, and when she did, she glanced away, cheeks burning. "Just- just do it."

"Alright, alright," he snickered, enjoying the way she was blushing so hard it was visible even in the sunset. He inhaled deeply, thinking of the happy memories he could find. Him and Evan going to Hogsmeade, his father gifting him a watch for his birthday, his parents telling him they were pleased with his O.W.L.s. "Expecto Patronum!"

Pale wisps of smoke came out of the tip of his wand, and he lowered it, disappointed. He turned to look at Alessandra, who was clapping. "See, practice will get you there!"

"At this rate, the bloody Dementors will start laughing."

"This is depressing."

He snorted. "Tell me about it. I've been practicing for months."

"No, it's depressing you've given up on yourself without analysing. Where do you think the mistake lies?"

"I don't know," he scratched his head. "It's probably because-"

"Just in case you were thinking of using 'being a Death Eater' as an excuse," she interrupted sweetly. "My offer to push you down the hill still stands."

"It's true though. No Death Eater, to my knowledge, has been able to produce a Patronus."

"Then be the first! Besides, you're different. Being a Death Eater involves killing people, torturing people, ruining people, voluntarily... you are one in only name, not spirit. You are entirely different - that is just a frustrating brand you can't get rid off at the moment, it doesn't define you. Come on, tell me, what exactly are you thinking of?"

"I often think of how my parents they said they were pleased with my O.W.L results."

She wrinkled her nose. "Pleased with them? Not proud?"

"No," he shook his head. Now that he thought about it, they'd never used the word 'proud'.

"Okay... what else?"

"I guess... when my father gave me his watch on the day of my seventeenth birthday?"

"Okay, honest suggestion. I'm not sure what kind of bond you share with your father, but because he's passed away, the memory may be... tainted? For now? Think of something else... something with your friends maybe? Something with Sirius?"

He paused, giving it some thought. "Oh! I remember when he took me for my first broom ride when I was seven. It was amazing."

"That's great! Use that."

"Of course, there was also the fact that Mother grounded him after that... maybe that time Sirius snuck me out to the Muggle world to introduce me to this dish... but Mother starved him for a day after that, so it's probably tainted too. Uhh... maybe... maybe that time he decided to help me pick subjects for my sixth year when I was fifteen...it was a good interaction...but then Mother sent me a Howler for interacting with him because he was disowned..."

"Okay! Okay, something with Kreacher? You too definitely care for each other."

"Well, he used to make me this shake that had cake in it... but Mother hated it because she thought it would make me gain weight, so when she found out, she made Kreacher iron his own hands," he hummed, tipping his head back against the sky. "When Kreacher snuck a broom into Hogwarts for me... but then he was forced to sit in the ovens for half an hour and then scrape them clean... Oh! Oh! When he made me a birthday cake... but then Mother cut his hand off and didn't let him regrow it for days, so..." his voice faltered as he turned to see Alessandra, who was staring at him with wide eyes, her mouth fallen open.

"Oh my God. Oh wow," she shook her head.

"What?" he asked.

"I'm sorry, um, all that was just horrifying to listen to."

"Yeah, I know," he was resigned to his fate. "I'm used to it."

"That's terrible! You shouldn't be used to that bullshit! No parent should ever treat their child that way, and even I, the orphan, know that! That's inhumane!"

"I know, but she's still my mother, so..."

"That is not your mother. That is a demon in human clothing who just happened to give birth to you."

He shrugged. "Nothing can be done about it."

"But you have the power to destroy her... you could crush her dreams, you can defy her..."

"Haven't you won already?" he said tiredly. "You have me."

She looked taken aback. "It's not about having you! That is completely unrelated to my point. I just think she should pay for what she did to you, you know? What she did, that's abuse, plain and simple. You can ask anybody on the streets, they'd agree with me."

"Wow. I'm getting deja vu."

"What?"

"I just... I just remember having this conversation with Sirius. He also said it was abuse. But she didn't hit us often or hard-"

"No, but she did so much worse than that. She starved him, and that's only from what I know. She controls you, even when you're an adult."

"But... it was never really physical. Except for the occasional slap..." Alessandra looked like she wanted to cry in that moment. "Even you think I'm beyond help, don't you?"

"No, no," she shook her head, closing her eyes. When she opened them, they were glistening. "It's just... the more I hear about your childhood, the more disturbed I am. And the more concerned I am for you sometimes, you know?"

"And you were saying that this place would set the atmosphere for a charm that requires happy memories," he said dryly, feeling an itch. He hated how the people he genuinely cared for didn't like his mother... Sirius and now his friends, Alessandra, Evan... even Evan, from another pureblood household, was concerned and said that wasn't normal.

It just didn't make sense to him. How could he be abused and not know it? His mother had never hit him hard enough to cause physical damage, and he was living comfortably in a good house with good food. Wasn't that a good enough life? Yet, when people knew about his family, they eyed him with pity.

"I know, I know," she sniffled. "My heart just aches for you. You deserve so much better."

And now his heart was aching, because this woman in front of him thought too highly for him.

She cared. She shouldn't have when she was so above him, and yet she did, and he'd never understand it.

He walked over to her and plopped down onto the grass, hugging her.

A few moments later, she broke the silence. "You're a little weirded out by the fact that the grass is wet, aren't you?" she grinned knowingly.

"Yes," he said truthfully. "Don't say that you find this appealing. There's hardly anything wonderful about sitting on wet, prickly grass."

"Fine," she conceded. "This is not comfortable."

"Does this mean we can go home?"

She sighed. "Just try for half an hour, no? Then we'll go. Watch a movie. Eat takeout. Sleep."

He rubbed his eyes and sighed, stretching before getting up and taking out his wand. He didn't understand the logic behind trying to draw out happiness right after talking about his apparently tragic childhood, but because she asked...

His gaze slid over to her, where she sat in the grass, looking at him expectantly.

He took a deep breath, thinking of his recent memories, ones that didn't include his parents. Him and Alessandra kissing for the first time, him, Evan and Barty ruining the Gryffindor dorms, him winning the Quidditch Cup, Christmas with the Potters...something within his chest was swelling as he drew on all those memories, thinking about the euphoria they brought them and how cared for he felt then. "Expecto Patronum! Expecto Patronum!"

He kept yelling the spell about consecutive times, not sure what had gotten into him, until suddenly, it felt like a dam within him burst and silvery smoke poured out of his wand, taking the shape of a fox.

Holy fuck. He actually did it.

He actually did it.

And there was a scream and he staggered to the left as Alessandra leapt on him, bombarding him with kisses. "You did it!" she yelled. "See, I told you it was the atmosphere."

Part of it was also you.

⚜

When he'd shown Moody his Patronus the next week (yes, he actually had a Patronus, even he himself couldn't believe it), Moody grinned with pride.

"A fox. Just like mine. Wonderful, isn't it?"

Regulus and Alessandra both froze.

"Yes," Alessandra said stiffly, the thought of her waking up everyday and Regulus popping out of nowhere like a Jack-in-the-box and yelling 'CONSTANT VIGILANCE!' sending shudders down her spine. "It is wonderful."

The sessions didn't stop there though, apparently. From next session onward, for a few days, they'd be focusing on producing Patronuses in stressful circumstances.

She couldn't wait.

But, for now, they were just at peace with life. They were emerging out of a movie theater, having watched a sci-fi movie, and Regulus had thoughts.

"I can't believe humans think aliens exist too. It's a theory wizards have had for centuries but haven't been able to prove. Shit, I can't believe humans reached the Moon. That is crazy."

"Wizards haven't? That's crazy. I thought they would have by now."

"Well, they're trying too. But, nobody can get the magic to work right, it has to be incredibly powerful. There's also the fact that sending magic unchecked out there could potentially interact horribly with space and cause terrible disasters-"

Alessandra shook her head at herself while he talked. She could not believe she was feeling attracted to this man because he was talking science. Or magic. Or whatever.

Jesus, this was confusing.

"-is that Pettigrew?" Regulus interrupted himself mid-rant, the fourth Marauder's name coming out with a bit of a growl. "What is that sack of vermin doing here?"

Alessandra's gaze followed Regulus', and sure enough, Peter was there, buying popcorn for himself at a stand. Her hand shot out to cover Regulus' hand because she was worried that he would do somethign rash which was the last thing they needed.

"Maybe watching a movie, like us?" she suggested.

He scoffed derisively. "Yes, because the boy allying with the Death Eaters loves all things Muggle."

She pursed her lips. "Good point." They both turned away as Peter walked nearby, pretending to look at the day's movie schedule. "Let's not think about it."

"What if this place is going to be targeted by them?" Reg hissed, looking around carefully.

"You think that's a possibility?" she bit her lip in worry. There were hundreds of people in the mall at that moment, and the thought of seeing the pristine white floors of the mall covered in crimson made her nauseous.

"For sure," Reg said grimly. "It's not a good idea for us to stick around, so let's just tell Dumbledore we suspect something and leave it at that. He'll take care of it."

She nodded. "I trust you, but are you sure he's not on our side? I mean, what if his mother really is sick or-"

"No, I'm fairly sure."

"You're, like, a hundred percent sure?"

He faltered. "Yes," he said slowly.

"Then why not let Dumbledore know now?"

"Because he doesn't trust us."

"Right, but if we put the idea in his head, he'll start looking into it."

"I could tell him," Regulus said doubtfully, "But I'm not sure how well it'll be received."

"Maybe just tell him and only him directly. That way, Sirius and the others won't know." She felt a little bad that they were going behind their friends' backs, but Peter was doing worse.

"Maybe. But we should leave now."

⚜

Regulus was scared.

Scratch that.

Regulus was incredibly fucking terrified.

He had sat in Alessandra's apartment for over an hour, waiting for her to come home so they could go on their date, and when she didn't show up, he didn't think much of it. It was fine, maybe her schedule got disrupted due to a new shift.

Something within him was whispering though, telling him to go check on her anyways, so he got up and went to her place of work.

And she wasn't there.

He waited for two hours and eventually decided to go in and check, and she wasn't there.

When he asked the other employees, he found out that she hadn't come in to work that day.

And so he was sitting on a random bench in front of a random bus stop, heart hammering. Under normal circumstances, he'd be a little concerned but wouldn't freak out this much. But this wasn't normal - something within him told him it wasn't.

It was eleven pm and she wasn't in her house or at the restaurant she worked at. Nor was she anywhere in her area.

The worst case scenarios were popping into his head, all of them ending with death. The best worst-case scenario was that she got hit by a car - at least that way it was relatively painless and quick. The others were filled with flashes of Death Eater masks, pale fingers wrapped around a wand, blonde hair matted with blood, unseeing green eyes...

He snapped out of it, getting up and pacing the empty road with his hands in his pockets. He had no idea where to go from here. He couldn't use a wand to track her because she didn't have one - why didn't he ask her to carry it around? He couldn't send a signal through their tattoos because hers didn't seem to be picking it up: it didn't seem like a magical, interactable tattoo... it was just a cold, black tattoo in that moment, and it unnerved him to no end.

Friends.

Alessandra could be with friends.

He shot up and apparated to Sirius' apartment building, too numb to worry about Splinching in his scared state. His footsteps echoed as he climbed the stairs, each sound magnified and making him flinch. He didn't even bother to knock or ring the doorbell, going straight for hammering the door. He didn't pause, just continuing to take his frustrations out on the door until it swung open, both Sirius and Remus standing there, their poses combative, expressions grim and wands drawn.

When they saw him, their wands lowered.

"Reggie? What are you doing here? This late at night?" Sirius mumbled, looking his brother over. "Is it Mother? Did she kick you out?"

"Alessandra," he gasped. "She's missing."

Sirius' eyes widened. "Shit."

"Wait," Remus narrowed his eyes. "We don't know for sure if he's Regulus. Sirius, ask him something."

"Right. Um. What colour did I dye Mother's hair when you were eight?"

"You never did... y-you did shave it all off though."

"That's him." Sirius grabbed him by the shoulders and hugged him tight. "What's this about? Come, sit, and tell me. Moony, make some tea."

"I can't find her anywhere," Regulus shivered, wrapping his arms around himself. He didn't feel cold because of the winter - he just felt cold. "Not home, not work, not in the neighbourhood. Her neighbours don't know either, they just said she was in a hurry in the morning."

"Maybe she's out with friends?"

"No, we had a date tonight. And, she never showed up at work. She always goes to work unless she's sick." She needed all the money she could get. Another wave of guilt crashed over Regulus. What if she'd been ambushed at work? This all could've been avoided if he'd ignored her when she said she didn't want him to give her money when he'd offered.

"Maybe she's in the hospital then if she's sick. It tends to get very cold."

"But she has potions I've given her, labelled and for use. And she knows that if she's sick, I've told her to call Kreacher."

"Maybe that prat never showed up when she called."

"But he always shows up when she calls - I've ordered him too."

"Okay, think back to the last time you saw her, or when you'd decided on your date. Did she say anything specific about her day?"

He squinted, vividly remembering that day. Blonde hair and green eyes and vivid smile against the snow, flushed cheeks. They were at a cafe while she told him about coffee. She was wearing her usual clothes, jeans and a shirt and a jacket.

There was... there was something missing, now that he thought about it. Something in that image of her was missing.

He remembered everything she'd said, and his memory didn't seem distorted. So, why did it feel like looking back on it now, there was something in her that he was missing?"

"Regulus?" Remus prompted, stuffing a hot cup of tea into his hands.

"She said her shift ends at 7 pm, and we'd meet at 7.30 pm at her house." He took a sip of the tea, which was scalding, but he welcomed the burn. He was numb all over, and it wasn't the cold.

"Okay. Okay. Maybe an emergency came up."

"An emergency in which she's been gone for hours?"

"Possibly. Maybe one of her Muggle friends got caught up in something."

"I don't think so."

"Alright, wait, let me call Lily and James. Lils said she knew Alessandra from her childhood. Maybe they had mutual friends Lily can check with to see if Alessandra's there with them." Sirius flicked his wand and a silvery dog bounded out, and Regulus' heart sank even further at the reminder of Alessandra overjoyed when she got her dolphin Patronus...and he'd been such an arsehole, not even congratulating her about it, instead of focusing on his own misery... and even then she'd uplifted him so much.

"We should investigate her house once, see if there's any traces of magic or some clue as to where she's gone," Remus stood up. "Would you mind taking me there? Sirius and the rest will be along shortly."

Regulus nodded, setting the cup of tea down and Apparating with Remus to Alessandra's house. He collapsed back down on the couch while Remus looked around the house, tapping away and murmuring soft incantations.

He shot up from the couch when the door swung open... only to reveal the Potters and Sirius, all of whom were wearing grim expressions. "Hey," James sat down beside him. "Don't worry, we will find her."

"Dead or alive? " Regulus wanted to ask.

"Alright, so do you know any people Alessandra talk to? From the Muggle side?" Lily crouched down beside him.

"I know, there's..." he cleared his throat, which was scratchy. "Chelsea. That's all I know. They hung out with a couple of other friends occasionally but most of all, she spent time with Chelsea."

"I can find her," Lily nodded confidently. "I'll be back soon."

"I'll come with," James said instantly. "It's not safe for you to be walking alone this late at night."

Yes, it wasn't safe. If only Regulus had bothered to pull himself out of his own world and make that clever observation. As someone registered as a Muggle, and as a woman living by herself, it was not safe. What was he thinking?

He shot up from that couch, which was suddenly burning under him. All those memories on that couch, them sharing kisses, talking about the smallest things, making plans... it was too much. He settled down on the dining chair, slumping forward and placing his head on his hands.

Was this how people felt waiting for their loved ones to come home, only to find out that the Death Eaters ended their life? The sheer, utter fear combined with a numbness that made your chest ache and your head slow, the kind of emotions that weighed your heart down so much that its muscles stopped working. The sense of the unknown, not knowing what exactly would have happened.

He wouldn't even get to know what had happened because the Ministry probably didn't even know that she existed, much less that there was a connection between him and her.

Was it his fault? Had he somehow slipped up and finally managed to put her in irreparable danger?

He didn't even have to ask, actually. He knew it was his fault. He should've walked her home from work, escorted her to work, essentially followed her 24 by 7. In fact, he should have stayed away from her in the first place, letting hidden truths stay the way they were - hidden. If only he hadn't stared into her eyes like some moron and noticed that the colour of her eyes was odd. Then, she would be alive and enjoying cup noodles in her apartment, not a hair on her head harmed and none the wiser to his shitty existence or the shitty world he came from and introduced her to.

"I don't think it's good for you to be here," Lupin suddenly said, his gaze filled with pity. Regulus was numb to everything, so much so that he hadn't noticed the dampness on his cheeks. "There's too many memories of her here, you'll torture yourself. Come back to our apartment, and we'll check in in a few hours."

Regulus didn't remember saying yes. Regulus didn't remember saying no. He vaguely remembered Remus escorting him out of Alessandra's house and Sirius muttering to himself as he placed protective enchantments that would notify them if someone stepped in.

Fat lot of good the protective charms would do now.

Hours passed by. Whatever little hope he had evaporated when Lily and James came back with crestfallen expressions on their face. They all sat there in Sirius and Remus' apartment, the 

Their grim expressions, the visible pity in their eyes told him all he needed to know. They thought Alessandra was probably dead.

And he couldn't fault them, because he believed so too.

⚜