“Welcome to… Vormir.”
February 14
When Sirius was eighteen, he had a whole Valentine’s Day plot. Sirius and James spent months working on it together.
James was going to take Lily on a boat ride, fill the boat with a mixture of multi-colored roses, and profess his undying love to her. Sirius assumed they would also shag after James proposed- because that was just the kind of sap that James was -but Sirius dutifully helped James ensure he had champagne and flowers and a box of Lily’s favorite chocolates ready.
Sirius planned to give Remus his favorite leather jacket, the one that David Bowie signed, and take him for a sunset ride on his motorcycle. They would snuggle close on the bike, ending at the overlook that showed them the London lights. Sirius assumed that they would shag and he would propose after and the four best friends would have a double wedding and all live happily ever after.
James proposed and Lily called him an impulsive idiot before accepting.
Sirius asked Remus to be his for the rest of their lives and planned to give him the simple silver band that he selected for him.
Remus also called Sirius an impulsive idiot before gently saying they were too young to get married yet. Sirius had been hurt, but Remus said ‘not yet’, not ‘never’ and so Sirius hid his hurt and just chalked it up to a really bloody terrible Valentine’s Day.
“Moony?” Sirius rolled over on the blanket they’d been using to shag on. Sirius smiled at the man he’d loved for years and knew then that he’d love for an eternity.
Remus smiled at him- it was Sirius’ favorite smile. It was the sweet smile of someone who thought Sirius was the prize instead of the winner.
“Yeah?”
Sirius traced a particularly deep scar on Remus’ chest and tried to keep his courage up.
“Do you think about the future a lot?” Sirius asked quietly.
“There’s a war, Pads. I think all of us are thinking about the future.”
Sirius swallowed and nodded, that was true.
And that was why Sirius couldn’t chicken out.
“Remus John Lupin.” Sirius had Remus’ ring in his jacket pocket and would summon it as soon as Remus said yes. “Will you marry me?” he asked simply.
Remus said no and - like so many intangible things - the ring Sirius bought was lost while he was in Azkaban.
Sirius thought about the worst Valentine’s Day he ever had every year after that.
And Stephen managed to top it seventeen years later.
“I already hate this,” Sirius breathed when Stephen pulled him through a portal and Sirius recognized where they were.
Even with the snow that covered all the tombstones, making them unrecognizable lumps of white, Sirius’ eyes moved automatically to where his best friends were buried.
“Why?” Sirius asked in a miserable whisper. Sirius and Stephen didn’t hold hands, they weren’t children, but Stephen had his arm around Sirius’ waist and squeezed it reassuringly.
“Trust me,” he said with his usual arrogance. “Come see.”
Sirius trudged through the snow beside Stephen and noticed immediately that there was a new addition to the left of James and Lily’s shared tombstone, one that knocked the air from Sirius’ lungs.
Regulus Arcturus Black
Below the blip of life-dates that Reggie lived was a quote, one that had Sirius sobbing like a baby.
‘How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate our heroes.’
“I didn’t think that your brother deserved to spend eternity in a lake,” Stephen said, just loudly enough to be heard over Sirius’ heartbroken cries.
It was an old ache to have lost his baby brother, Sirius lost him before he’d even died. But seeing a grave and knowing that Reggie’s body was six feet beneath it killed Sirius.
And while it killed him, there was a sense of closure stitching the wound that Sirius would always have. It was a jagged scar on Sirius’ heart, one shaped like regret and remorse. It was the same length as the hyphen between the day Reggie was born and the day he died.
That hyphen could never capture what truly happened between those two dates and at the same time it was a representation of how short a life Regulus lived.
Stephen kept Sirius from falling in the snow on the ground while Sirius looked at the terrible and beautiful gift Stephen gave him. Sirius wanted to be indignant that Stephen went and retrieved Regulus’ body and chose a resting place without him, but Sirius knew that as brave as he liked to imagine himself as, he would have been too cowardly to enter the cave where Regulus died.
How Regulus committed the bravest act of any war on his own was something Sirius would admire until the end of his life.
Which, apparently, approached quickly.
“We have one more stop,” Stephen said thickly when the sun began to set and Sirius had cried the end of his tears.
“The Soul Stone?” Sirius asked, blinking away the wetness that cling to his lashes.
Stephen told Tony that there was a stone he could get that would remove the horcrux from Harry. Loki had given Stephen a sharp look when all Stephen asked Tony for was time, but their time was at an end.
Stephen swore that the horcrux would be gone by mid-February and Tony swore if it wasn’t that he would take Harry and leave.
It was technically mid-February the next day and Sirius didn’t doubt that Tony would run with Harry if they waited anymore.
“Yeah.” Stephen stared down in Sirius’ eyes and Sirius stared back steadily, thanking him with just a look.
Stephen made a choked noise before he nodded and opened a portal with his free hand, his eyes never looking away from Sirius.
“Welcome to… Vormir.”
Sirius looked around the other-worldly place and felt the wind whipping his hair wildly. It looked like pictures he’d seen of the planet Mars- all red rock and deep cliffs everywhere. It felt cold, the kind of ominous cold that reminded Sirius of the dementors…
“Come,” Stephen said. He linked his hand with Sirius’ and pulled him along a path. Sirius smiled lightly, amused that he had just earlier thought about how they weren’t a ‘holding hands’ type of couple. “Our destination is a bit further, love.”
Sirius’ smile became slightly more genuine. It always left him feeling soft when Stephen called him ‘love’. It was such a common term where Sirius grew up, but it felt entirely different when Stephen said it.
The two of them walked hand-in-hand along the path, rocks skirting from their steps and crashing down the cliff. Sirius leaned his head over some, looking down and seeing nothing aside from a black void at the bottom. It made him shiver, imagining Regulus’ last moments… diving in a black body of water, never to resurface…
Sirius pulled his head back, not wanting to think of his brother while he was trying to save his godson.
Stephen led them around the cliff until they found a part where the cliff jutted out in a platform.
“Out here, love.”
Sirius felt the wind tearing in him, shaking his body, when he stepped out on the platform with Stephen.
“What are we doing here?” Sirius asked Stephen, having to shout over the wind.
“You have to get the soul stone to remove the horcrux from Harry,” Stephen called to him. He waved his hand out, showing Sirius the vast expanse of black space the seemed to surround them at the bottom of the cliff.
“How do we get it?” Sirius asked, furrowing his brow. “Summon it? Make a portal?”
“No.” Stephen reached up to unclasp his cape and Sirius sighed fondly when he wrapped the sentient cape around Sirius, probably thinking he was cold.
“How do we get it then?” Sirius asked him. Sirius swallowed when he looked over the platform they shared. The void seemed endless, empty… cold.
“Once you have the Soul Stone, there’s a ritual to use it to destroy a horcrux without the host,” Stephen told him, ignoring Sirius’ question. “I left it on your bed.”
“How do we get the bloody thing?” Sirius asked again. “Rituals don’t do us any good if we don’t have the stone.”
Stephen wrapped his arm around Sirius’ waist and pulled him close.
“There’s a place in your Ministry, where they study the exact matter that makes up the void around us.” Stephen didn’t have to shout when Sirius was pressed against him. “Vormir is the Dominion of Death, love. The Soul Stone rests here because this is where all souls eventually pass.”
Sirius shivered, the now sinister-feeling cold wind having nothing to do with his reaction.
“The Stone requires a sacrifice,” Stephen said. “To understand the power and responsibility that comes with wielding the stone, it requires a heavy sacrifice before it will reveal itself to an owner.”
Sirius felt dread settle low and heavy in his gut.
A sacrifice on the Dominion of Death for a stone that controlled souls… it didn’t take a genius to figure out what sort of sacrifice was needed.
It would be a life for a life then- Sirius’ for Harry.
And Harry… Harry would hate it.
Harry hadn’t wanted Sirius to risk his life for him, he’d begged Sirius to be a coward, stay safe. Staying safe wasn’t in Sirius’ personality though and neither was letting his godson die if he could prevent it.
Sirius would break Harry’s heart, but he would finally be joining the list of people a thousand times better than him.
James… standing on his feet and facing down Voldemort to give his wife and son a fighting chance.
Lily… begging not for her life, but Harry’s. She was content to die if it meant Harry would live.
Regulus… sacrificing himself in a lake of inferi to try and destroy the being he’d once sworn to follow.
And then Sirius… breaking Harry’s heart, but saving his life in the end.
“I understand,” Sirius said. His voice didn’t shake, he wasn’t scared. If Sirius could choose a death, dying for the boy who meant more than life itself was a good way to go. He’d see James soon, tell him all about their boy. Maybe he’d see Regulus too, hit his knees and beg for forgiveness for all the nasty things he’d said.
“Sirius Black.” Stephen cupped Sirius’ face with his hand and raised it so Sirius was caught in his gaze. “Do you love me?”
Sirius’ nose burned with tears that he would not shed. With only moments left of his life, Sirius didn’t want to waste them on crying.
They didn’t say the words to each other, they didn’t need to. Sirius knew that Stephen loved him - loved him in an all-encompassing way that scared Sirius on occasion. Stephen knew Sirius loved him, loved him the best that he was capable of.
Sirius had told people that he loved them before, but they were words he tended to blurt out after sex. The first time Sirius said it to Stephen had been an utterly normal moment…
Sirius sat at the table in his flat, playing cards with the team. Sirius was losing, badly, and Natasha was pissing him off with her smugness. Stephen wasn’t even there yet, they just couldn’t wait for him to get done with whatever he was doing with Wong to show up.
It was just after Clint declared that he was ‘all in’ that Sirius saw the first sign of Stephen’s imminent arrival.
Just behind Clint’s shoulder, completely silently, a portal opened. Sirius sat across from Clint, beside Pietro, and pretended not to look at the mirror that appeared in the portal. It showed Sirius Clint’s cards perfectly and Sirius went ahead and folded before he lost his arse.
For the next thirty minutes, Stephen did that. Only Sirius and Pietro noticed the portals and Sirius began making up for his earlier losses. By the time Stephen actually stepped through a portal, scaring the hell out of Bruce, Sirius was winning by over five hundred.
Sirius took in Stephen’s self-satisfied smirk, the cheeky way he asked Clint how it was going, and just everything that made Stephen who he was.
And Sirius knew then that he was fucked because what was meant to be a fun fling had turned to something much more real.
“I do,” Sirius said. He cupped Stephen’s face in return and gave him the last gift he could, a smile and his truth instead of the golden band hidden in his jeans pocket. “You’re an arrogant, pigheaded toerag and I love you so damn much, Stephen. I’m- I’m sorry we won’t get forever.”
Stephen bent his head down and tilted Sirius’ face with his hand. The two of them kissed with a fervor from the knowledge that it would be their last kiss. Sirius tried to memorize the feeling of Stephen’s lips on his own, the feeling of his fingers curled in his hair and pulling his enough to open Sirius’ mouth.
Sirius couldn’t help but carefully pull the ring from his pocket and slip it in Stephen’s. It would be selfish to propose seconds before he died, but Sirius couldn’t bear to not leave Stephen with the token of the future Sirius would only sacrifice for Harry.
When they broke apart, Stephen only moving his face centimeters from Sirius’, Sirius saw a tear glistening in the corner of Stephen’s eye.
“We were as inevitable as this moment was,” Stephen whispered roughly. “I love you more than anything, Sirius. In all the timelines, in every universe, my soul will long for yours.”
Sirius had to swallow down the lump in his throat at Stephen’s heartbreaking and genuine sounding speech.
“Nobody’s ever loved me like you,” Sirius told him. “The only person I love above you is Harry.”
Stephen smiled sadly. “I know,” he whispered. He tilted his head to Sirius’ and Sirius felt his shoulders shake with repressed sobs at the bittersweet moment.
“That’s why I have to do this.”
With a single beat of Sirius’ heart, Stephen pulled his Eye of Agamotto from around his neck, lacing it over Sirius’ while they had their foreheads still connected.
“We were inevitable, love.”
Sirius felt a scream rip from his throat when Stephen pushed him closer to the safety of the path and threw himself off the cliff with his arms spread wide.
“NO! STEPHEN!!”
It seemed to take Stephen an age to fall. His body curved in a graceful arc as he sank backward through the void. There was a look of soft acceptance on Stephen’s handsome face and Sirius couldn’t see his hand but knew he must have circled his finger in a familiar twirl when a portal opened beside Sirius.
Sirius hit his knees on the edge of the platform and screamed again as Stephen disappeared into the void. The wind picked up roughly, nearly taking Sirius after his lover, and then fell back into place.
An orange stone flew from the void that took Stephen, his sacrifice accepted, and Sirius caught it automatically when it flew toward him. If it wasn’t for Harry, Sirius might not have bothered. As soon as his fingers curled around the stone, Stephen’s Cloak of Levitation dragged Sirius from the edge toward the portal that waited.
Stephen couldn’t be gone, he couldn’t. Stephen had only just fallen through the void, he would reappear from the void any second…
But Stephen did not reappear.
“STEPHEN!” Sirius yelled, “STEPHEN!”
Sirius’ breath was coming in searing gasps. Stephen must be just hidden in the void, he, Sirius, could pull him back out again…
“ACCIO STEPHEN!” Sirius yelled, pulling his wand with the hand that didn’t hold the stone. Sirius tried getting closer to the edge of the platform, but the cloak continued pulling Sirius by the throat, forcing him away.
“Stop!” Sirius cried, struggling against the cape. “We can get him, save him! He’s just in the void!
“ACCIO STEPHEN STRANGE! ACCIO STEPHEN STRANGE!”
Sirius struggled hard and viciously, but the cape would not let go.
“STEPHEN! NO! ACCIO STEPHEN!”
With a final shout that ripped his throat, the cape dragged Sirius through the portal, taking him from Stephen forever.
Sirius’ feet hit solid ground and his knees buckled. He looked around blankly and saw that he had arrived in his own bedroom.
As if his body were acting without his control, Sirius stood up and moved to his bed where he saw two manilla envelopes laid out on his pillow. One was for ‘Harry Stark’ and the other said ‘Sirius Black’ in a familiar black script.
I’ve seen you read this, my love.
Sirius wanted to smile at Stephen’s arrogance that followed him clear to his death, but he couldn’t, not then.
I’ve seen you cry, I’ve seen you mourn, and I’ve seen you live.
I have seen you live and seen you love again. I’ve seen you laugh and that laugh is worth every ounce of the pain I feel at leaving you behind.
You are one half of my soul and I know that going on without me will be the hardest thing you will have to do, but I know you will do it for Harry.
The ritual to remove the horcrux from his mind is in your packet, it’s a simple chant that uses the power of the Soul Stone to work. There’s no risk to you, love. You’ll know it worked when the orange light fades. I’ve left Harry information as well- you’ll need to stay by his side to make sure he follows it.
Harry the next Sorcerer Supreme, the greatest one to exist in your time. When he’s ready, Wong will be there to guide him.
I don’t know what comes next for me, and I know you’ll smile eventually to read me admitting that, but I do know that every molecule that makes me who I am will weep for losing the love we had.
I’ll keep your ring, you keep my heart.
Until we see each other again,
-Stephen
Sirius read the letter until his mind memorized every single letter. Sirius read the letter until he had to shove his fist in his mouth to keep from screaming in the injustice of it all.
Stephen had done to Sirius what Sirius had nearly done to Harry… and Sirius was in too much agony to even picture Harry having to be the one to read the goodbye letter.
Harry would live.
But Sirius wished that he had been the one to jump off the cliff, for surely he was already dead.