Lightning Scars & Metal Hearts

Friday, January 6

Michael settled in at his desk and went over his notes before his favorite patient came to see him.

It wasn’t just that Harry Stark was his highest paying patient, he was also the most inspiring one he currently had.

Also, he was a wizard, which Michael found to be fascinating.

Harry James Potter-Stark, 15yo cis male (he/him)
Current Diagnosis: Depression, Insecure-Attachment Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Anxiety Disorder
Treatment Plan: H is under medical treatment by physician for depres. and ADHD. H attends weekly therapy and actively participates in his own treatment. H also attends weekly group for amputees.
Home Life: H resides with his biological father since June. Recently, father became engaged and H reports being happy about addition to family. Prior to this, H stayed in a boarding school during term and lived with his maternal relatives in summers. H has alluded to abusive and neglectful conditions with relatives and does not recognize it as abuse. Prior to that, H lived with mother and stepfather until their murder when he was 1yo. H attachment insecurities come from feelings of abandonment and belief that he does not deserve love.
In current home H shares home with father, pet dog, pet kitten, and bird. H’s godfather shares the building as do his father’s colleagues. H is homeschooled with private tutors after recent physical trauma resulting in a left sided AKA. H reports having multiple friends and a boyfriend in a monogamous commitment.
Current Difficulties: In last session, H disclosed that his friend from amputee group committed suicide. H is processing grief in healthy manner, remaining open with father and therapist about emotions. It opened H up to examining his past history of suicidal ideation and H had a breakthrough on the way he handled his depression pre-therapy. H continues to struggle with disability and accepting limitations.
Goal for Session: H was very forthcoming with fears and insecurities at last session. In todays session, H will be sharing these with his father in safe environment.
Future Goals: Continuing to find coping mechanisms for insecurities and ensure open communication between H and people of importance. H requires consistent assurance that he is safe and loved, H also needs to not be belittled for these assurances.
Misc. Notes: H has had constant trauma and little peace; despite this, H is open to possibility of better future and remains an inspirational patient. Since sessions began, H has made true strides in accepting and managing mental health. Requesting a session with father shows clear signs of H healing.

Michael knew that the other therapists in his office were jealous when Tony Stark showed up in the waiting room to drop off or pickup his son, but Tony Stark had nothing on Harry Stark.

If Michael had been in Harry’s shoes, he didn’t think he would be able to get out of bed in the mornings. Between the evil wizard that tried to kill him, the brainwashed assassin that kidnapped him, the amputation, the depression…

It wasn’t a stretch to imagine that the kid did a nosedive off Central Park Tower back in June. The real magic was that he no longer wanted to.

By the time Michael went to collect Harry and his father from the waiting room, he thought that their session might be the one. All therapists looked forward to one day, one session, that made all their studying and long hours worth it. It was a unicorn session, one so elusive and magical that some therapists never saw it…

And Michael had a good feeling about the session with Harry and his father being his unicorn.

“Harry, Mister Stark.” Michael nodded to Harry and his father in the waiting room and offered them both a polite smile. “Are you ready?”

Harry looked uncomfortable, the same discomfort showing on his face that he had at the beginning of their treatment, but Stark looked entirely at ease.

“Tony, please,” Stark said. He stood up from the plastic chair he’d been lounging in and offered Michael his hand.

“Tony then,” Michael said agreeably. He gave Harry a supportive smile. “Harry, would you still like your father to come back with us?”

The thing Michael admired the most about his patient was his absolute stubborn determination. Harry looked about as uncomfortable as could be when he glanced up at his father, but he still nodded.

Michael let Harry lead the way with his slow and awkward gait using the forearm crutches to maneuver with. Harry had them at his last session as well and he confided that he felt it was a dishonor to his friend to rely too heavily on his wheelchair. It would be a more concerning sentiment if Harry’s physical therapist didn’t say that it was perfectly fine to use his crutches as much as he wanted.

When they entered the office, Michael took his usual seat and left the loveseat open for Harry and his father to share. It was heartening to see that Harry’s father didn’t shy from showing physical affection when he sat beside his son and looped an arm around Harry’s shoulders in an easy movement.

Michael made a quick note of the ease between the two and then smiled bracingly at them.

“Harry, how are you today?” Michael asked.

“A bit… nervous,” Harry said slowly. He twisted his hands in his lap and Michael was quick to grab him one of the fidget spinners that Harry relied on in prior sessions during stressful moments.

“Thanks,” Harry said when he accepted it. He began spinning it quickly in his left hand while his right settled on his lap. Michael nodded before looking toward Tony.

“And you, Tony?” Michael asked. “How are you feeling about joining us today?”

“Fine,” Tony said immediately. His body language was relaxed, but Michael imagined that a man of Tony Stark’s importance would develop an impeccable social appearance.

“Well, gentlemen, why don’t we get to it then?” Michael suggested. He looked toward Harry. “Do you want to start?”

The two of them had developed a plan during their last session, but Michael wasn’t surprised to see Harry falter. Harry craved his father’s acceptance, love, and affection; it was reasonable that he would become concerned with bringing up difficult subjects with him.

“That’s okay,” Michael told Harry. “Would you like me to start?”

“Yes, please,” Harry said.

Michael faced Tony and kept an eye on the speed of which Harry spun the toy in his hand from his peripheral vision as he spoke.

“Harry has been doing remarkably well with confronting his depression and anxiety. What we are hoping to address today are Harry’s insecurities,” he said. “Harry struggles with accepting that your relationship is unconditional and permanent.”

“Well… it is,” Tony said. Michael smiled blandly at him until he seemed to get the hint and turned to face Harry.

“Our relationship is permanent,” Tony told Harry.

T shows no hesitation in offering reassurances, Michael noted with pleasure. Some men, particularly fathers who were as career-driven as the head of Stark Industries had to be, found it difficult to offer emotional reassurances to their loved ones.

Michael was pleased to know that Tony was not one of those men.

“Harry?” Michael pushed gently. “What did you want to say today?”

Harry continued to spin the toy in his hand as he fixed his eyes on the wall over Michael’s shoulder.

“Sometimes I think that I ruined your life,” Harry said quietly. “I… you rebuilt your house for me and you go to all my meetings with me which means you don’t get as much time in the lab. And you rebuilt your friend’s flat so that my friends had a place to stay when they come… I’m worried that if I do something stupid again it’ll be the final straw and you’ll want me to leave.”

H needed little encouragement to open up; clear signs of trust between H and T.

“Kid… you didn’t ruin my life, you made it better,” Tony said, sounding genuine. “You remember when we met? You said you didn’t need a dad? Well…” Tony trailed off and Michael watched as his throat bobbed with a loud swallow.

“Well I needed a you,” Tony went on. “And there’s nothing you can do that will make me not need a you.”

Oh, yeah, it was absolutely going to be a unicorn day.

Harry looked over at Tony and managed to hold eye contact with him, despite how much Michael knew that Harry struggled with it.

“Were you happier before I came and caught your chair on fire then ruined your flat?” Harry asked quietly.

Michael’s eyebrows twitched downward for a split-second.

Caught chair on fire? he wrote for future sessions.

“Kid,” Tony sighed and Michael saw his arm tighten around Harry’s shoulders. “If catching our entire house on fire made you happy, it would make me happy. And I like our place now, much more modern.”

Harry actually had incredibly low impulse control so Michael appreciated the sentiment about letting him burn down their home, but wished it had been worded better.

“And how do you feel about having to step back from your work detail?” Michael asked Tony, addressing another of Harry’s fears.

“Great,” Tony smiled breezily. “My fiancée, Pepper, basically runs the company so I get to sit back, spend time with Harry, invent shit, and still get rich. It’s the ideal scenario, really.”

“What of your separation from the Avengers?”

Tony scoffed and looked over to wink at Harry, slowing some of Harry’s anxious fidgeting.

“Again, it’s the best case scenario. I just stuck Sirius in charge of the team and now I just upgrade weapons and play cleanup after disasters,” Tony said. “I get all the good parts of leading the team without any of the life threatening risk.”

T prioritizes H above work.

Michael gave Tony an approving smile. “That sounds like acceptable compromises.”

“It works for me,” Tony agreed.

“Harry?” Michael asked. “Do you believe your dad when he says that he is happy to step back and spend more time with you instead of working?”

Harry shrugged, more reticent than usual.

“He doesn’t lie,” Harry said, sparking warmth in Michael’s stomach.

H trusts T implicitly.

“Great!” Michael said happily. “Really, the two of you have came so far!”

It didn’t seem all that long ago that Harry sat in his office, disturbed by even the mere idea of having his father’s love. And now? For Harry to show such complete trust in his father?

It was every therapist’s dream.

Harry seemed pleased by Michael’s praise and he relaxed his shoulders.

“Harry, what other topics did you want to discuss today with your father?” Michael asked, prompting Harry. They had made a list in their last session and Michael hoped that Harry still felt up to tackling it.

“Er…” Harry kicked his foot against the floor. “I’m glad that he- that he caught me… when I… you know.”

Michael waited, his breath held, hoping Harry would find the courage to say the words.

Harry took a deep breath and kept his eyes on the floor as he elucidated. “I’m glad he caught me when I- when I tried to kill myself.”

It was undoubtedly a unicorn day. Saying those words were some of the hardest words that a patient could say. It was painful to admit even to themselves the truth of what they did, admitting it aloud?

Harry Stark was Michael’s favorite patient.

Tony pulled his son in his side and closed his eyes when he tilted his head to touch Harry’s.

“I am too, kid.”

Michael gave the Stark’s a moment to bask in their excellent mental health before he recrossed his legs, gaining their attention.

“How do you feel for saying that, Harry?” Michael asked gently.

Harry twisted his lips to the side and started spinning the toy again.

“Bad,” Harry said shortly. “Not saying that I’m glad you caught me,” he added to Tony, “but just… just thinking that I would have put everyone through what Anderson did us.”

“And what did Anderson put you through?” Michael asked.

“Does it sound bloody stupid to say he broke my heart?” Harry asked. Michael ignored his foreign swear, knowing that Harry had a tendency to swear when he was feeling defensive.

“Not at all,” Michael assured him. “Losing a close friend in a needless way can be heartbreaking.”

“It was needless!” Harry said, glowering deeply. “He texted me every day, every single day. And never once did he say ‘I need to talk’?”

“Is that an easy thing to do?” Michael asked Harry, rehashing an earlier debate. “Telling others that you’re having suicidal thoughts?”

“I…” Harry clamped his jaw shut. Tony remained silent as Michael did, waiting to see what Harry had to say.

“I tell Sirius all the time when I need to talk,” Harry eventually said.

“You do?”

T insecure about H relationship with S?

Harry looked over at his father.

“I… sometimes?” he said. “Just… just when it’s a bad night.”

“Why don’t you tell me?” Tony asked, masking what Michael sensed was his hurt behind curiosity.

Like father, like son, Michael noted with amusement.

“Because… because it’s easier to tell Sirius,” Harry said quietly, no longer looking at Tony. “We talked a lot back before I knew you and- and he already knows what I’m like.”

“What are you like, Harry?” Michael asked before Tony could reply. He needed Tony to see the depth of Harry’s low self-esteem. It had improved some, surprisingly after his accident, but it was still poor.

“I dunno, whiney, I guess,” Harry said flatly. “Sirius doesn’t mind if I whine to him.”

“And you think I would?” Tony asked Harry.

“Sirius… he… he can’t exactly get sick of me, can he?” Harry mused. “I’m his godson, but he doesn’t have any real responsibility. He can’t just- just drop me off somewhere or- or stuff me somewhere to get rid of me if I annoy him.”

“Stuff you somewhere?” Tony sounded bewildered. “Kid, nobody’s going to ‘stuff you’ anywhere. Even if you did annoy me, which you don’t, I wouldn’t get rid of you for it.”

“Not like it feels as if everyone else did, right, Harry?” Michael asked, playing devils advocate.

“Exactly,” Harry agreed. “Sirius left me in my parents house for Hagrid, Hagrid left me with Dumbledore, Dumbledore left me on a bloody front step for my aunt. Then my aunt just signs me over, no fuss at all!”

H carries long history of abandonment.

“And if you irritate Tony by telling him when you’re having suicidal thoughts, you think he may sign you away?”

“Maybe, yeah.”

“Harry, I would not,” Tony said firmly. He pulled Harry to his side again, hugging him fiercely. “I love you. You are stuck with me, no matter what.”

No belittlement when it comes to reassurances, Michael noted with pleasure. Truly, Tony Stark was an intimidating man in the news. Michael could not be more happy to see that his professional persona and paternal persona were complete opposites.

“Tony, would you be open for Harry to come to you the next time he’s having a hard day?” Michael asked Tony.

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Tony said quickly.

“Harry? Do you think you could do that? Give your father an opportunity to prove to you that your depressive episodes won’t push him away?”

Harry chewed his lower lip for a moment before he jerked his head in a semblance of a nod.

“Yeah, alright.”

“Great!” Michael said, encouraging Harry to continue with his openness. “Gentlemen, we have about twenty more minutes. Are there any other topics you would like to discuss here?”

“Yes,” Harry said quickly. He looked at Michael instead of Tony, though his words were obviously meant for his father. “I want to go back to school.”

“Back to Midtown?” Tony asked. Harry nodded and Michael saw Tony hesitate for the first time. “Is this about Petey?”

“No.” Harry raised his chin and looked his father in the eyes. “I didn’t want to go back before because I felt like a freak. I didn’t want everyone to stare at me, but, you can’t be mad because we already did it, but loads of kids from my school were at that party we had. So they already know, right? And Paris has helped me a lot, so I think I’d do better in class now. I don’t want to hide out, not anymore,” Harry finished quietly.

H advocates for self well.

Michael remained silent with his pen poised and his head tilted for Tony to consider Harry’s request. Tony seemed to think it through, taking his time, before he made a decision.

“Can we talk to Pepper about it before we decide?” Tony asked. “I think if you want to go back, we can definitely discuss it, but you know Pepper will be all stompy if we don’t let her weight in.”

“You and Pepper will talk about it or we all will?” Harry asked shrewdly.

“We all will,” Tony said. “There’s some logistics to work out, with physical therapy and your sessions with Strange, but if we get Pep on our side, I’m sure we can get it done.”

T supports H decisions while maintaining logical viewpoints.

“Thanks, Dad,” Harry said with a faint smile, finally still from his fidgeting.

“This has been a wonderful session!” Michael declared happily. “Harry, I cannot tell you how proud I am of the progress you’ve made. And I think I know something that may help with lightening your schedule… I believe we are at a place where we can begin meeting biweekly, instead of weekly.”

“Really?” Harry asked, straightening in his seat. “I’m better?”

“Better is a relative term,” Michael said with a cheerful wink. “You have came very far, Harry.” Michael stood up and offered Harry his hand. “It has been a pleasure to assist you in your healing.”

“Thanks,” Harry said, smiling. He took Michael’s hand and shook it with enthusiasm. “I guess I’ll see you in two weeks.”

Michael offered Tony his hand next after nodding at Harry.

“Tony, you have a good son and you’re doing an excellent job raising him,” Michael assured him. Oftentimes, parents needed as much reassurance as children and when one was doing as wonderfully as Tony, Michael was quick to provide it.

“Thank you,” Tony said, shaking his hand. He looked over at Harry and none could doubt the fondness in his eyes. “I’m a lucky man.”

“Yes you are,” Michael agreed.

As soon as the Stark’s left Michael’s office, discussing disability friendly cars while they walked down the hallway, Michael quickly finished up his notes on the session.

And then, just because he could, Michael pulled out his sticker books for younger clients and flipped through the pages until he found a purple unicorn. As soon as he marked the session as the magical unicorn it was, Michael decided to take the rest of the afternoon off and either go to the country club to play tennis or brag to his fellow therapists.

Perhaps, if Lee and Owen were there, Michael could do both at the same time.